


God Help The Outcasts

by noodlerdoodler



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Brain Damage, Crossdressing, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insomnia, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Smoking/alcohol/drugs/etc., Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-08 11:56:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 49
Words: 199,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4304076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noodlerdoodler/pseuds/noodlerdoodler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Sometimes, I forget that she kneww Aradia too. So did Vvriska. So did Damara. It's wweird to think that she affected so many people's livves." Eridan says. It's weird to think about... Y'know, dying. Thinking about the people you'd leave behind. He wonders if Aradia ever thought about the harm she was going to cause by dying... He wonders if she had time to think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ACT ONE: Part One

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I own none of these characters, they belong to Andrew Hussie, I'm just borrowing them for a short while. 
> 
> I, in no way, intend to romanticise: mental disorders, not eating, not sleeping or anything of the like. If you are suffering from anything mentioned, I suggest you seek help from a doctor and/or friend. (I'm a hypocrite)
> 
> My knowledge of bipolar disorder is from research and other novels/stories. I apologise for any inaccuracy, I don't intend to cause offence!
> 
> EDIT: I swear this gets better, the first chapters are pretty bad.

He's an incredibly light sleeper so when he feels the bed shift and creak, he knows that something's up. Something being his boyfriend and up meaning awake and on the move.

He tries to ignore it though- his boyfriend's probably just going to take a piss or to get a glass of water or something and he'll be back in a second. He's absolutely sure that he's going to come back so he eases himself back into sleep. He's had a stressful day at work today and he needs the rest, he's exhausted himself trying to support the two of them. So, he forgets his boyfriend and turns onto his side, pulling the blankets tighter around himself. The bed's rickety and rough to sleep on (it's falling apart every time either one of them shifts and sex has become almost impossible) but he's used to it and reality falls away from him the second he closes his eyes.

The next time he jolts awake, he can't manage to shift the feeling that something's wrong. It takes more than a moment or two for his groggy brain to realise what exactly is wrong but when it finally comes to him, he sits up abruptly. The bed's cold. The bed is never cold, due to the Gemini's warm body that's usually wrapped around his. He glances beside him, where his boyfriend is meant to be sleeping and no, he's not there. It's official: it's two in the morning and Sollux is missing in action and it's most likely his fault some way or another. He rubs his eyes hastily and fumbles on the bedside table for his thick framed glasses, which he slides on quickly. He glances around the room once more to check that he hasn't missed him and that confirms it; Sollux is definitely gone. He should've known to check on him when he initially heard his boyfriend wake up. How could he be so stupid as to think that his boyfriend would return? He's probably left Eridan for being such a shitty piece of shit that ruins everything. He swings his legs out of the bed and stands up steadily, looking for further clues as to where Sollux has gone.

The bathroom light is on, pale yellow glow spilling across the floor and lighting up the room, so he heads over there. There's evidence that Sollux has been here, of course. The medicine cabinet is hanging open and most of the bottles and prescription pills have been rearranged neatly into sets of two. It's one of Sollux's little ticks that he likes to keep things in sets of twos- he gets pissed if Eridan moves anything. Clearly, he was bothered by the mess in the bathroom cabinet and sorted them neatly. Which is how Eridan notices that one bottle of pillows is noticeably absent and notes that it's one of Sollux's; it's his sleeping pills that help him pull through the restless nights.

When his poor boyfriend has been up for days on end coding his ass off, sometimes Eridan slips the pills into his disgusting energy drinks to make sure that he gets some rest. He knows that he isn't meant to but the idiot never lets himself rest, no matter if he's flying high or sinking into his lows. But noticing the absence of the bottle at least gives him a clue as to where Sollux might have wandered off to and Eridan sighs, heading back to their room to pull some pants and a shirt on. From the looks of things, Sollux didn't take anything with him but has just walked out to refill his prescription. Doesn't the idiot realise that the drugstore's going to be closed by now? Probably not, he forgets things like that sometimes.

After dressing himself and grabbing one of his boyfriend's hideous jackets, Eridan heads out of the front door (which is wide open and seems to have been for a while. He needed to talk to Sollux about closing the door when he went out, especially in the middle of the night) and into the dimly light streets of the city. He tries his boyfriend's cellphone once as he's heading down the street but it goes straight to answerphone. His flashy device is either off or he's left it at home. It means that Eridan can't call him and that makes him worry, wringing his hands together nervously.

He's always worrying about something or another- having a strong anxiety disorder will do that to you- and something normally means his boyfriend. He has a mutual pact to stick with his boyfriend and look out with him that they had made on their third date. Their third date had... Not gone so well for Eridan. He could never explain why he had his panic attacks, they normally occurred when he was stressed. But on that particular day, he'd been fine, fine, fine and then BAMN! suddenly been overcome with fear. Fear for the future, fear for himself, fear for everything. And he was terrified, shrinking back into his shell. Eridan had been reduced to a shivering mess of a person, struggling to draw shaking breaths.

_"ED?" Sollux's voice sounded a million miles away and Eridan knew instantly what was happening. This had happened to him several times before and he knew that he just had to keep breathing and focus on counting with each breath. One... Two... Three... An arm wrapped around his shoulder and he was pulled in close, making his breath hitch. His face was pressed up against the cotton of Sollux's Back to The Future t-shirt- god, Eridan loved how that shirt hung off his boyfriend's slime frame. It smelt good too as he had found out that day with his nose buried in it- and slowly, softly, he began to sob against his boyfriend. He felt terrible! What kind of person goes and flips out in the middle of a totally ordinary date? A fucking weird one, that's who._

But Sollux hadn't accepted his apologies, just shushing him gently until he fell quiet against his chest. Sollux was always good at calming Eridan down; he said it was from years of having to deal with his older brother. He also said that Eridan was incredibly brave for pushing his way through these panic attacks. Both things said made the Aquarius bite his lip.

They'd made a pact to look after each other; well, Sollux had and Eridan had nodded quietly in agreement. Soon after, they had moved in together and the hipster had realised that his anxiety wasn't going to be the main issue between them, like he had originally thought. See, spending one hour a week with Sollux at the therapy group they'd met at and occasionally a date or two around town hadn't prepared him for living with the nerd. At the group, Sollux was usually either: quiet and staring at the floor for nearly whole hour, only contributing once or twice in a low voice OR he would be positively buzzing, talking fast and rushing through sentence after sentence eagerly, his hands twitching as he talked.

He didn't seem to have anything wrong with him, just a little moody or a little overeager. That was the Sollux that Eridan had grown to love but now, living with him had proved another challenge altogether. The Gemini rarely slept and always seemed to be busy with something or another. He always insisted that he was working but Eridan didn't understand what he was spending so many hours coding. And he never seemed to make any money. And Sollux promised him different things everyday before Eridan left for work: dinner, gifts, sex but by the time Eridan had gotten home, he was still sitting in the same place he was when he left. It was concerning to say the very least. It took a lot of work to make sure that his boyfriend was sleeping enough, eating regularly and showering every day.

And then there were the nights like this one, when he would wake up and find Sollux either: 1. Missing, 2. Binging in the kitchen, 3. Coding or 4. Staring at the wall. It normally depended on the mood that he was in and Eridan tried hard to cater to his needs despite Sollux snapping at him or abruptly bursting into tears or just plain refusing to do as he was told. In a strange way, Eridan supposed, dating Sollux Captor was just like babysitting a very difficult child. A very difficult child that had a tendency to walk off in the middle of the night just to pick up sleeping pills from a drugstore that would most likely be closed. He held his breath as he turned the corner and hurried down the street. The drugstore was closed, he could see from here that all the lights were out. He could also see a tall figure stood outside, pacing back and forth with a sense of urgency. Even from here, it was easy to recognise the slouching figure of Sollux Captor and Eridan almost ran the rest of the way down the street to him.

"Sol! Oh, thank the fuckin' angels..." He pulls him quickly into a tight hug, wrapping his arms around a shivering Sollux. It is pretty cold out and the idiot is just in his t-shirt and his boxers. There are tiny goosebumps beginning to form on his honey coloured skin and Eridan begins to wish that he'd thought to bring pants for him too. If only things like that occurred to him, if only he wasn't such an idiot all the time, if only, if only...

"The drugstore's clothed." He lisped pathetically.

  
"I know." Eridan assures him, helping Sollux wriggle his way into his jacket and holding him tightly as he shudders against the cold breeze that's beginning to pick up. God, he wished they had a car because it was much too cold for Sollux to be out here, dressed in barely anything. And he wished that he was warm enough that he could substitute as a blanket but Eridan's skin was awfully cold as per usual.

"How am I going to get my pillth?" He was tired, it was easy to tell. His voice was tired, making him sound kind of drowsy, like he could pass out right where he was. He never would though. Sollux Captor was far too cool to do something as lame as passing out.

  
"I'll pick you up some in the mornin'." Eridan promises, keeping his arm around him and beginning to lead him back down the street. He's reluctant at first and tries to halt his feet but quickly gives in and lets himself be dragged away.

  
"You promithe?"

  
"I promise." And Sollux is quiet the rest of the way home.

As he closes the door behind him, Eridan is ready to deal with the hassle of getting his boyfriend showered, fed, (possibly drugged up), and back into bed. But Sollux is definitely not willing to deal with any of that as he barely makes it to the couch before he collapses there, drained of his sudden energy burst. This probably means that he's going to be miserable and rather difficult in the morning but for now, Eridan will take it because he's exhausted too. He contemplates the odds of getting the Gemini into bed and decides it isn't worth the effort.

He just goes and grabs some blankets to drape over him carefully and tucks some couch cushions under his head because Sollux's neck and back are already pretty cramped from the angle he sits at his computer. He's always slouching over and it's doing awful things to his spine. He kisses him lightly on the forehead- earning himself a grunt- before taking himself back to bed. He crawls under the covers, cold and tired, but knows that he can't feel anywhere as near as terrible as his boyfriend. The main issue with dating Sollux Captor, he guesses, is knowing that he's never going to be a priority. Sollux is definitely in a worse place than he is- and he seems to be permanently stuck in that place.

Whilst events like this evening did tend to be rare and only happened every few weeks, they were terrifying when they did happen and Eridan can still feel his heart pounding his chest with fear. Despite the fact that the door is triple locked and he's hidden both sets of keys and he knows there is no way for Sollux to do anything irrational, he's still worried. Dating Sollux does nothing to help his anxiety, he knows that, of course. But the thing is that despite all of his flaws.... He really does love Sollux. It's not like his ex-girlfriend Feferi that he dated briefly in college before she decided that he wasn't the right one for her and he'd cried himself to sleep the night they'd broken up. Then, he'd only been in love with the idea of love.

Not to mention, he was, uh, kind of gay so it was no wonder that he hadn't been able to get along with Feferi that well. But then, he had met Sollux at his therapy group and his whole world had seemed to swing to focus on him. He hadn't thought about anything else but him for weeks on end. Until one day, he had managed to get up the courage to talk to him after their sixth session together and Sollux had asked him out on the spot. He'd admitted later that he had been rather shy to approach Eridan because he'd never met anybody so cute before and Eridan had blushed heavily. He didn't think that Sollux was the kind of person that could get shy. First dates had been awkward but they'd managed to stumble through them and now look at them.

He realised that he wasn't going to be able to sleep in his bed on his own like this so he just got up and headed for the bathroom. He may as well start getting ready for the day ahead; it was early but it still counted as morning. The light was still on and the shower curtain was drawn across because Sollux had considered a shower earlier but had got cold feet at the last moment, so to speak. Eridan turned the shower on and stripped himself down, putting his glasses aside, before climbing in under the cold water, shuddering a little. But slowly, the water began to heat up and his body adjusted to the temperature. He ran both hands through his hair, closing his eyes tightly to keep the water out of his eyes.

He hears the thud of footsteps, heavy, tired footsteps of somebody that needs to be in bed. And there's a pause and the chafing of material against skin, as Sollux strips and climbs into the shower alongside him. Of course, Eridan has to open his eyes then so that he can glance at him and he receives a shrug in response. His eyes linger on Sollux's body for more than second- his attractiveness isn't why he fell for Sollux, but it is a key factor.

Sollux Captor is a tall, gangly twenty two year old with a beautiful body. It's the kind of body that looked awkward on him when he was younger- Eridan's seen pictures and god was Sollux an awkward looking kid- but he had grown into over time. He's tall and slim and his ribcage juts out perhaps a little more than it should but Eridan tries to ignore that. He likes to focus on the smooth honey-like texture of Sollux's skin that is beautiful on every single part of his body. He's a little Korean and a little Native American and as a result, he has the prettiest skin colour Eridan's ever seen. Especially in the sun, when he'll tan a little if he goes outside for five seconds and Eridan's jealous of it (he just burns a horrible red and the skin on his shoulders, and back peels. Thank god, it's autumn now!). The only thing that's actually horrible about Sollux is his teeth; it's like they're at war with each other. Another thing that Eridan noted in the old photos was that Sollux had the most horrible braces but they don't seem to have done anything for his misshapen teeth. His teeth are so terrible and misshapen that he's been forced to adopt a lisp.

"You're thtaring." Sollux complains.

  
"I wwas just thinkin' about howw beautiful you are." Eridan smiles up at him and he gets a wide grin in return, showcasing his terrible teeth and how horribly wonky they are. And as he stands there, he feels his boyfriend slowly begin to massage shampoo into his hair for him and he leans appreciatively into his touch. Sometimes, he forgets just how caring and sweet Sollux can be and feels awful for ever complaining about him. This is one of those times as he presses his face against the skin of Sollux's shoulder and inhales his scent of crappy energy drinks mixed with a smell that Eridan can only describe as being like a computer overheating.

"I called Kurlozth." Sollux says absentmindedly as he washes the soap suds from his boyfriend's hair as carefully as he can. Kurloz is the slightly creepy but overall rather nice therapist that he sees once a week unless Sollux wants to meet more than once. It's rare for him to want to; he normally only wants to see Kurloz if he's feeling in an especially bad place and it always happens when he's in one of his low moods. He never goes to therapy when he's on one of his manic highs usually. Eridan wonders what he's done wrong.

"Oh?" Eridan raises an eyebrow and pushes his hair back as it threatens to flop in his face, "Por que?"

Either Sollux doesn't understand the question or he doesn't want to answer because he just shrugs at him again and starts to wash his own hair. His eyes are focusing on some point just over the Aquarius's shoulder and his irises are big enough that Eridan can easily admire what pretty colours they are. One of his eyes is a reddish brown, the other's an electric blue and no matter what Sollux says, Eridan thinks they're beautiful.

Once Sollux has washed himself up, he helps his boyfriend carefully out of the shower and wraps a towel around him. And he towels him dry, showing no regard to the water dripping off his own body. He won't listen to Eridan's protests either and just continues drying him until he finishes up and hands him the towel. Eridan takes his turn and dries Sollux off, admiring every inch of his body. He's much skinnier than Eridan, who's on the chubby side and short and freckled and it makes him feel sort of like he's towelling some sort of god. He can't resist planting gentle kisses on Sol's stomach, which makes the pair of them giggle. They've been dating a while but still seem to be at a somewhat awkward flirting stage. Neither of them are very good at being particularly romantic to the other.

"Noww, go back to bed." Eridan tells him firmly and there's a whine from his boyfriend.

  
"Aren't you going to come with me?" He gives him a pout and Eridan's heart melts.

  
"No, Sol." He says. So, how come he finds himself being lead back into their bedroom? Because Sollux Captor is a manipulative asshole, that's why.

He dresses himself as Sollux climbs into the bed and buries under the blankets. He ducks his head under the blankets too to block out the light beginning to creep in from outside and Eridan can only see the top of his blonde hair. The morning is definitely beginning to roll around by this point, it's about six am, and Eridan knows that he can't go back to sleep now. Not when he has work today and he has to prepare both breakfast and lunch for his boyfriend in advance and write him lists because things often slip Sollux's mind.

So, after brushing his hair back and using hairspray to certify that it stays in place, he heads into the kitchen; he throws some bacon into a pan, cracks some eggs into another and gets out the ingredients he needs to make pancakes. He puts the kettle on and tears a sheet of paper from the notepad they keep handy. And he writes Sollux the following list:


	2. ACT ONE: Part Two

He'd been left yet another list out on the counter and it made him sigh. It was true that Sollux wasn't very good at taking care of himself- things like hygiene tended to slip his mind and he never wanted to eat anything and sleep was just SO difficult without some kind of medication- and he knew that Eridan was only trying to help him by writing out these lists day after day, but he honestly found them so patronising. These should be things he should be able to do without being reminded and it was kind of depressing to know that he couldn't be trusted to do them on his own.

At least, Eridan worded his requests much kinder than his therapist ever did and Sollux was grateful for that. He really wasn't looking forward to seeing his frankly quite creepy therapist later today. Back home, his dads wrote him lists too- full of positive affirmations and write in simple language that Mituna could understand- and having Eridan write these things for him reminded him a little too much of his life back home. He didn't like to think of life prior to Eridan anymore as he tended to get too caught up in the memories. He also got the strong feeling that Eridan didn't trust him to look after himself, judging by the first thing on the list:

_1\. Make sure ya eat breakfast today. I know you really won't want to but it's honestly so important, Sol. Make me proud <3 (take your pills!!!!! You know how you get without them)_

He knew, of course, that he should eat breakfast and that most normal human beings did. But as he stared at the stack of pancakes laying alongside streakers of bacon and scrambled eggs (Sollux's favourite kind of egg, Eridan's worst), he just couldn't bring himself to feel even the slightest bit hungry. He exhaled heavily and slowly took his usual seat at the table, staring at the chair that Eridan would sit in whenever he was here. He was so rarely here and whenever he was, he seemed to be completing some paperwork or sleeping or exercising. He always seemed to be busy with some thing or another and Sollux felt incredibly guilty about it; he knew that he should be pulling his weight around here instead of leaving it down to Eridan to support the pair of them but he just couldn't hold down a job.

Nobody wanted to hire a bipolar Asian-Native American with terrible eyesight and only a handful of failed exams to back him up. Sollux was generally pretty good at exams and tests and the like, much to most people's surprise, but had gotten pretty sick on the week of his exams. He'd passed out half way through his math paper and had struggled through the rest of his tests with his brain feeling fuzzy and aching. He had migraines before but had never been forced to sit through monitored exams with them before. It had been hell and when he was asked if he wanted to resit them, he wasn't willing. No way was he suffering through the exams all over again.

He hadn't been able to go on to college and had lived with his parents for a little while longer, until they bought him a place of his own for him to live. Sollux reckons it's because they were worried that he would end up living at home forever like Mituna seemed to intend to. They didn't need two kids hanging around their house, he guessed, so he'd been the one to go since they still had a little hope for him. And he'd lived alone in his shitty apartment with no friends, struggling to get by, until Kurloz had recommended him to a therapy group.

It was some bullshit group for young adults with mental disorders and Sollux hadn't wanted to go. Who would want to sit around and talk about their feelings to a bunch of strangers? No, he'd be better staying at home and taking his pills. Speaking of which, it was around time for him to choke those fuckers down if he wanted to stabilise his pretty shaky mood a little. Helpfully, Eridan had lined up the pills next to his breakfast. There were seven different ones, all of them attempting to keep Sollux's fucked up brain in check. He was 90% sure that none of them worked in the slightest.

He took them one colourful pill at a time and swallowed them one after the next; only once he'd consumed all of them did he take a swig of his drink, washing them down. Well, those didn't help his mood in the slightest and now his mouth tasted like medication and orange juice. It was never a good combination, under any circumstances. He shudders in disgust at the taste and heads to the sink to wash his mouth out, sticking his head under the tap and succeeding in splashing himself in the face in his hurry. But he manages to swill a mouthful of water and spits into the sink, coughing a little as some of the liquid attempts to slide down his windpipe.

"Not today, motherfucker." He muttered, "Not gonna kill me yet." And still carrying the list in his hand, he hurried to complete the next task which wasn't even a task:

_2\. Your clean clothes are on the couch and I made sure to pick out your favourite jeans._

He didn't deserve to have such a considerate boyfriend; he'd known from the day that he had met him that he had never done anything to deserve such a wonderful boy. From the second he'd heard the door creak open and then slowly click shut and he'd glanced up and seen Eridan apologising frantically for being five minutes late in the doorway of their therapy group. He didn't think that he would stick around for longer than a week if he was honest with himself. The kid was small and adorable- he didn't look like the kind of kid that needed a therapy session with people like him. In fact, for the first few minutes, he'd wondered why Eridan was always there. He looked pretty normal. Until they'd gone around the circle and introduced themselves in turn. Sollux knew the drill.

Sollux Captor. Twenty two. Bipolar disorder.

_"Uh, my name is Eridan Ampora. I'vve got some... Anxiety issues." As he spoke, the kid was shifting nervously in his seat, looking down at his lap. His rings clinked together as he rubbed his hands together, making a irritating metallic noise, and Sollux couldn't even get a good look at his face. He could only see his dark brown hair, streaked with blonde but not in an unattractive way. It looked pretty gorgeous. But Sollux longed to see his face. He leaned forward, peering at him in attempt to get a decent look at him. Nearly... Nearly..._

_"Lux?" He tore his eyes away at the sound of his name, or at least a variation of it, almost sitting up straight in his seat in surprise. It was Vantas- Kankri, his first name is- the guy that assisted with their therapy sessions. Sollux didn't think too much of him. Guy had a big mouth._

_"Oh." He realised that whilst he'd been thinking, the rest of the circle had spoken and it had reached around to him, "'M Tholluxth and I'm fucked up in here like the retht of you nerdth." He tapped his forehead with his index finger, raising some nervous laughter._

_Because that was him, he was the trouble maker, the rabble rouser, the one that had once flipped out and punched the Zahhak guy in the face (and broken his nose- served that kid right for using the R word) and people knew to laugh with him instead of at him._

_  
"Is that all, brother?" Kurloz raised an eyebrow at him, prompting him to talk further._

_"That'th all, KZ." Sol informed him with a nod, trying not to meet his eyes._

_  
"Mhm." Kurloz scribbled something down, no doubt a point to discuss in their next private appointment. And Sollux had glanced back up just in time to catch the new kid peeking at him curiously and for a second, he stared right into his icy blue eyes behind Eridan's glasses and just blinked at him. They held eye contact for a whole second before Sollux leaned back in his chair a little too far and fell backwards onto the floor. He got to leave early, since hitting his head had given him another of his infamous migraines._

There had been a few more meetings where Sollux had avoided eye contact and avoided talking because he was having a rather low month at the time and didn't feel up for contributing much. The only reason he kept going was because it kept Kurloz off his back and it meant that he got to stare at the cute boy that sat across the circle from him. In the weeks that passed, he noticed: Eridan painted his nails a cute shade of purple on occasion, he had a tendency to wear bracelets and wrist bands to match his rings, he was originally ginger and his roots were beginning to show, he wore incredibly tight jeans at all times, he couldn't see without his hipster glasses and (as Sollux learnt during one of the warmer meetings, when the air conditioning broke) he had freckled arms to match his freckled face.

Sollux had never known that he could find things like freckles or fat rolls so hot before but a hint of chubby stomach on show and he found his face heating up quickly. He was sure that Eridan was spying on him too because he kept making awkward eye contact with him and it was beginning to make him flush. Eridan always turned a very bright shade of red and buried his face in his scarf if he was wearing one and in the collar of his shirt if he was not. Sollux was sure that he was smiling and made a resolution to approach him. But to his surprise, it was Eridan that made the first move, after one of the meetings.

"Hey." Sollux was hanging around in the corridor outside the therapy room, sitting on top of the window sill and swinging his legs when he heard a soft voice. He glanced up and once again made eye contact with a certain anxious boy. Both of them smiled uneasily.

"Hey. It'th Eridan, right?" That was an awkward thing to say to somebody that had been in his therapy group for so long; of course he knew his name! He'd heard it said several times by the guy himself! Idiot, Sollux, idiot!

"Yeah. And you're Sol. Sollux, I mean Sollux." The poor kid looked flustered, fumbling with the the bracelets tied around his wrist. There were seven, Sollux counted, and nearly all of them were a shade of purple. The rest were a tacky sort of gold to match his rings.

"Don't thweat it. Thol'th fine." Damn his lisp, damn it to hell.

  
"Okay, Sol." There was a pause, "So-"

  
"Would you like to go get thome coffee with me?" Sollux blurted out, unable to take the tension, "Not right now, I've- uh, got to wait for my brother." That was a lie but he needed time to prepare, "But maybe on Monday?"

The other boy flushed a bright shade of pink, his breathing quickening. "I wwork."

Of course, he did, Sollux, you idiot! Normal twenty-something year olds have jobs instead of lazing around in crappy apartments that their parents bought for them! Stupid! Stupid! Idiot!

"Oh, yeah, right." Without a second of hesitation, he pulled a marker pen from his pocket- his favoured pen that was red on one side and blue on the other. And he scribbled his number on the space on Eridan's wrist, ignoring the sudden exhaling of breath from the other boy. He was leaning over, their foreheads bumping together as he wrote.

"Tell me when you're free." Sollux said, in a voice that was barely a whisper.

  
"Okay." Eridan whispered back. They stayed like that for a second, frozen in time, until the hipster drew back abruptly. He readjusted his scarf around his neck, looking over the number and mouthing it. Sollux swore he heard him whispering it under his breath to remember it. Then, he offered a quick wave before retreating and hurrying off. He called Sollux less than fifteen minutes later to tell him that he was free next Thursday afternoon and could he meet him at Starbucks? And Sollux thought the whole time that he would never, ever be able to keep him. No, the boy was way too adorable to belong to him.

And yet, a few months later and he was sharing not only an apartment with the cutie but a bed and a life. And Eridan was working hard to keep him in check with his beautifully written lists. His handwriting sloped and curled and looped all over the page; it was the handwriting of somebody that passed all their exams and went to college to major in art and science. Sollux's handwriting was the chicken scratch of somebody that failed all their exams and only typed instead of writing by hand.

He realised that he had been staring in the distance, a dreamy smile plastered on his face as he basked in memories, and jolted back into action. He needed to stop getting distracted so easily by his thoughts and get on with it, if he wanted to complete everything on his list by the end of the day. And he did want to complete everything, to make his boyfriend proud. So, he sat down and pulled his jeans on- they were grey and so worn-out that the material was soft on his skin. And he buttoned up his red and blue checked shirt, deciding that he would send Eridan a picture as proof that he'd got dressed and was all ready for his appointment. He headed into the bathroom where the lighting was better and looked himself over in the mirror. He still looked like a shitty piece of shit and now that he peered closer, the dark roots of his hair were creeping back in. How hadn't he noticed that before? He'd have to re-dye his hair soon if he didn't want to end up as a brunette again. He liked his hair blonde. He knew that staring at himself for too long would make him feel worse about himself so he snapped a picture of himself quickly and sent it to his boyfriend.

From Sol:  
are you proud of me now ED?

_3\. Don't forget that you have your appointment wwith Kurloz today! It's at 2:30pm, I checked for you. Don't forget to go and make sure you aren't too rude to him. Seriously, he's going to stop talkin' to you if you carry on like you do and I pay him a lot of money. Please, just try to be nice. Okay?_

Okay, be nice to Kurloz. Though, it was incredibly difficult to talk to that creepy weirdo at times. Mainly because he didn't try to push Sollux into talking to him and in a way, Sollux kinda wished that he would. He was so bored of everybody acting like they were treading on eggshells around him and would much rather they just told him what was up. But Kurloz wasn't a bad dude if he considered the fact that he turned up to work at a fucking therapy session wearing a skeleton hoodie, facepaint and seven different piercings in- Sollux had counted them once.

He was pretty badass and half the time, Sollux wondered how he had even managed to get a job as a therapist. He'd heard a rumour that it was because Kurloz had attended therapy meetings frequently so once he recovered, the group offered him a job there so he could help others out. Sollux had his doubts but having spoken to Kurloz, he did suspect that some parts of it were the truth at least. That guy really was fucking weird. Totally the kind of guy that would need therapy.

From Eridan to Sollux:  
you knoww it ;)

From Eridan to Sollux:

*know

From ED:  
are you headin to your appointment?

From Sol:  
you know it. you @ work?

From ED:  
you know it :)

He crumpled the list up and stuffed it in his pocket for him to check later; if he left it on a surface somewhere in their apartment, he'd surely forget where he placed it. He always thought that it was kinda funny that he could remember pages and pages of coding but couldn't remember the really simple things like he'd put things or closing the door when he went out. He made sure to close it this time, grabbing his hoodie and pulling it on as he headed outside into the cold afternoon. Somehow, he'd managed to sleep through until noon, unusually exhausted from the nights escapades.

When he'd woken up, Eridan was already long gone- he could tell because his clothes were missing and both lunch and breakfast were waiting for him in the kitchen. And because Eridan had texted him good morning with promises that today was going to be a very good day. Somehow, Sollux doubted that since he hadn't even woken him up to say goodbye. Unless he'd tried to wake him and had been unsuccessful. Eridan had told him once how difficult Sol was to wake once he'd fully passed out and also, what a sleep cuddler he was (apparently there had been several occasions when Eridan had tried and failed to wriggle free of his sleeping boyfriend's tight grip but Sollux didn't believe any of it, calling bullshit).

Despite the cold, the sun was shining brightly in the sky just behind the clouds, making Sollux visibly wince as it stung at his eyes. Ughhh, fuck the sun, he thought, just fucking fuck the sun. He never was particularly good with his words. Walking down the street in the middle of the day was significantly different to walking down the street at night, Sollux noted right away. When the rest of the world wasn't sleeping and was rushing around him, the street was nowhere near as beautiful.

It was loud with people's voices, talking and shouting, arguing and making-up. The sound of autumn sneakers scuffing against the ground was loud. Children are yelling in the passionate, cheerful way that only children can. The light of the street lamps looks harsh against the sidewalk and the cars are humming busily as they move down the street. Everything seems to be moving fast around him, the whole world spinning around him fast enough to make him dizzy and want to hurl. He wonders for a brief second if this is what Eridan's panic attacks are like and if he's having one right now in the middle of the street. He stops walking, his footsteps coming to a sudden halt. He takes deep breaths and swallows the urge to upchuck his pills into the palm of his hand.

His mind is cast back to the first time he saw Eridan having a panic attack; it was lot sooner than ED thought it had been, before they'd even started dating.

_Sollux was on one of his rare trips out to the mall in hopes of finding new clothes (he wore holes into his own incredibly quickly. It was almost a talent). And he'd been unsuccessful with his shopping, not really feeling up to it and just wanting to go home. And to think, this had seemed like such a good idea when he'd set off this morning..._

_"Oh god, fuck, shit, oh god-" He was sitting outside one of the many cafes, drumming fingers on his table and waiting for his shitty coffee to arrive, when he heard a voice that he recognised. And he glanced up and across just in time to see that guy from his therapy group. Eridan. The guy was stumbling, drawing harsh breaths and speaking in barely words. His hands weren't the only part of him that were shaking. And Sollux watched as he hurried past, looking pale and shaking and all in all, ready to pass out on the spot. He made it to the nearest trash can before he began to heave up his lunch. Or breakfast. Or whenever he last ate. When had Sollux last ate? He couldn't quite remember. Regardless, Eridan vomited briefly and took a moment to compose himself before hurrying on, heading for the exit. And Sollux can just remember hearing him shakily draw breath and glancing around to see if anybody was looking at him as he rushed off. Sollux had only just got to his feet by the time Eridan was half way out of the door._

"Fucking move!" He's pulled out of his thoughts as somebody elbows him aside and he stumbles. He nearly falls but regains his balance just in time to realise that he's been shoved into the street and people are honking their horns at him. Panicked, he makes a run for the other side of the road, ignoring people's shouts. Fuck.

He makes sure to keep his head out of the clouds and his eyes focused straight ahead as he hurries towards the bus station, where the bus is just starting to leave. He picks up his speed just in time to leap through the doors before they can close, throwing his bus pass at the driver. And as soon as he grabs it back, he moves to the back of the bus, where he knows he can sit by the window without anybody bothering him. He pulled his list back out of his pocket and grinned at the number four:

_4\. If you feel up to it, your sleepin' pills are bein' held for ya at the drugstore. You can head over there anytime today to pick them up. I know how important they are._

He could finally get his sleeping pills! That meant that he might actually be able to get some proper sleep tonight (if he remembered to take them)! He'd been running pretty low on pills and since Eridan was too scared to go pick any up- he wouldn't admit to it but it was plain obvious that he was terrified to go, even if Sollux went with him- and Sollux would rather suffer through sleepless nights than leave the apartment.

He'd been using the tiny white pills sparingly but he noticed his supply decreasing but he wasn't sure where they were going. And when he'd stumbled to the bathroom last night after lying awake for hours and reaching the point of wanting to claw his own eyes out to get himself to sleep, he was horrified to find that all his pills were gone. Gone, gone, gone! Of course, he'd gone out to get some more without realising that the drugstore would be closed. At least, he could finally pick up some more today and he resolved to get off a stop early so he could get his pills on the way to his appointment.

Like Eridan said, they were extremely important. He still had plenty of time before his appointment, he thinks as he jumps off the bus, he would still make it there easily with time to spare. With that thought in mind, he walked leisurely towards the drugstore on the corner. He hated going in there but his need for sleep overrode his fear, pushing him onwards. He shoves the door open perhaps a little more violently than he needed to, heading over to the counter quickly. Thankfully, there isnn't a line because he can't stand lines.

"I'm here for my thleeping pillth." He leans on the counter, his hands and fingers twitching nervously as he felt the girl behind the counter look him over. She was smiling softly at him with the kind of look most people would reserve for a mad person. She probably thought he was a mad person. Maybe he was a mad person.

"Sure thing. Can I get a name?" She's very pretty indeed; a dark skinned girl but with long, pink curls that spilled over her shoulders. She was wearing a shirt that hung off her shoulders and showed off her beautiful curves. And she was very pretty for a girl. But she would never, ever be as pretty as Eridan.

"Y-yeah." He licks his lips, "It'th Tholluxth Captor." She turned away from him and he caught a flash of her name badge. Feferi. Feferi. He'd definitely heard that name somewhere before but he couldn't place it. Frowning, she rummaged through the prescription products and turned back to him.

"Sollux? Are you sure that's what they're under?"

"... They may be under Eridan." He supposes with a shrug. He was rewarded with a strange look that quickly spread into a smile.

"Ampora?" She picks out his pills easily this time and slid them across the counter to him. He stuffed them in his pocket, patting them to make sure they stayed.

  
"Yeah, he'th my boyfriend." He was about to turn away, when she grabbed ahold of his arm.

  
"You're his _boyfriend_?"

"No, I'm hith girlfriend. Obviouthly." 

"Oh my glub, I haven't seen him in forever!" Feferi. Eridan. Something clicked into place somewhere in Sollux's brain and he remembers what his boyfriend had said about his college days (Sollux loved to hear about his college days).

"Didn't you guys date?"

"Small world, I guess!" They both laugh but inwardly, he shuddered. Because if it came to picking between this pretty girl working a part time job and an awkward jobless bipolar boy, most people would pick the former. He could see why Eridan had dated her, of course. Instinctively, he bit his lip in fear- fear of her stealing him away somehow. Pretty girls always had a way.

"Have a nice day!" She called as he hurried out and vowed to never use this drugstore again. He could find another one, he was sure of it.

_5\. I'll be at home at 7:30pm, not accountin for traffic. I'll see you then, good luck with Kurloz today! I can't wait to see you!! <3 <3_

Right, right, Kurloz. He'd lost a little time panicking in the drugstore and hurrying off in the wrong direction for fifteen minutes before realising that he was heading home and correcting himself. But he could still make his appointment, he was almost sure of it. He walked as fast as he could- in the right direction this time- letting his mind wander to thoughts of Eridan and Feferi and shivering at the idea of the two of them together.

"Watch it!" Somebody snapped as he bumped into them, keeping his eyes firmly on the ground as he moved around the person and continued on his way down the street. He was nearly there now; it was just around the corner, it was just a few buildings away, it was just there and then he was there and hurrying up the front steps. It was a building that looked plain from the outside to blend in- it had taken him a few attempts to find it the first time he'd visited- but was painted obnoxiously bright colours on the inside. Inspirational quotes and posters were pinned up everywhere, encouragement to push through mental illness and brighten up lives and shit. If Sollux was honest, the whole place gave him a headache. He hated coming here.

Which was why he was glad (after he checked in with the lady at the desk, who gave him a pitying look when he said he was here for his appointment) to make his way down the corridor to Kurloz's office. Like Kurloz, the room was dark and depressing looking but kind of bright at the same time. The curtains were always drawn and the room was almost barren aside from the furniture and a photograph propped up on Kurloz's desk. All the lights were turned on but not brightly.

"Good afternoon, brother." Kurloz was sat in his usual seat, dressed in all black and his face neatly painted, his hands resting on his desk. Looking at him, Sollux again wondered how the hell he had managed to get a job here looking like that.

"Thup." Sollux nodded and took his usual seat, in the comfortable chair that opposed the desk. He picked nervously at his thumbnail and he could see Kurloz mentally taking a note of it.

"I was surprised to get your call last night." He has an accent that Sollux has never quite been able to place. A tad of Lousiana, perhaps? Some Texan? New Jersey? He doesn't know.

"People don't tend to call at five in the morning." Kurloz prompts, "And wake up a poor motherfucker tryin' to get some goddamn sleep." If he's tired, there's no visible signs of it.

  
"Thorry." Sollux replies, looking away so he doesn't have to attempt to meet his gaze. Even he doesn't know quite what overcame him this morning.

  
"It's what I'm here for." Kurloz assures him, "I'm your friend, brother."

"You're my therapitht." He corrects instinctively.

  
"That's also true." There's a long pause, "So...?"

  
"Tho what?" Sollux knows that he's being difficult on purpose now but he doesn't care in the slightest. He's just dancing around the question now, unsure of what exactly he wanted from this session. Kurloz sighs and taps on the table with his nails. They're painted black but the colours chipping away from where he's been picking at it.

"You know what, motherfucker. What did you want from me?"

  
"I don't know." Sollux admits nervously, swinging his legs back and forth. He can feel Kurloz's eyes bearing into him and he doesn't want to look at him.

  
"Let's start with why you were up at five in the morning."

"Well, I couldn't thleep." Sollux leans back in his seat, his hands resting in his lap, "I tried, I really did. But it wath uthelethth, you know? I couldn't." There was a nod of approval, "Tho, I got up to get my thleeping pillth but I wath all out of them. I knew I wath running low but I didn't realithe that all of them were gone. Tho, I went out to get thome new oneth-"

"At five in the morning?" Kurloz pitched in with a frown.

  
"Four. But the drugthtore wath clothed. I couldn't get in."

  
"So?"

  
"Tho, Eridan got worried when he thaw I wath miththing tho he came and brought me back home." He did not need to fill Kurloz in on the fact that they showered together or the fact that he'd cried a little in his sudden despair, "And then, I called you."

"That's it?"

  
"That'th it."

  
"You sounded so manic over the phone that I was worried you had murdered someone." His therapist exhaled with relief, opening his desk drawer and pulling out a notepad and a pen. He pushed them towards Sollux, giving him a nod for him to start writing. He took the pen and wrote- no, he didn't write, he scrawled- he scrawled out a list of meds he'd been taking, things he'd been doing, everything relevant since their last meeting. And he pushed the notepad back over to Kurloz, who put it back in the desk drawer without further questioning. It was something that was mandatory for Sollux to do but neither of them really gave a shit about it. It was dumb.

"So, how is Eridan?"

  
"Paranoid."

  
"As per usual, then."

  
"I think I'm bad for him." There was a long pause between them, Kurloz surprised to having something serious thrown out during their somewhat friendly banter. He stopped drumming his nails on the table and stared at him, not blinking. Sollux looked away.

"What makes you say that, Lux?"

"I jutht... I'm too irrethponthible and out of control for thomebody with a thevere anxiety dithorder." Sollux supposed, waving his hands about as he spoke, "I make him worry."

"Isn't it nice to have somebody worry about you?"

"I don't need a third dad!" He complained, "He writeth me thethe lithtth and I jutht..." He pulled the list from his pocket and put it on the table, smoothing it out. Kurloz edged forward in his seat so he could read it, his eyebrows pulling together a little.

"I think that's quite a kind and considerate note." He comments.

  
"He treatth me like a child. I'm not a child, I'm a fucking aththhole of an adult."

  
"Do you want me to talk to him?"

  
"Hell no!"

  
"Why not? What are you worried about?"

  
"Thtop athking tho many quethtionth." Sollux slammed his fist down on the table and his therapist jerked back suddenly, nearly falling out of his seat in surprise. They were unusually close, Sollux breathing heavily and Kurloz staring at him. That couldn't be his natural eye colour, Sollux noted, his eyes couldn't be that shade of indigo naturally.

"I apologise. I pushed you."

  
"Th'okay."

  
"Are you sure?"

  
"Really, it'th okay."

  
"Okay, then."

Just before he could leave, Kurloz took some headphones out of his desk drawer and pushed them across the table to him. To block out his thoughts, his therapist had said, because Sollux seemed to think way too much about things that didn't really matter. He'd accepted them reluctantly, pulling them over his ears and plugging them into his phone.

And as he left, he took Kurloz's advice for once and played his shitty music loud enough to make his head throb like there was a party jumping in there. It hurt his ears and his brain but it managed to shut his thoughts up or ignore them a little better at least. He didn't worry anymore about Eridan and just focused on the blaring in his ears and the aching that came with it. And he walked around the block a few times, keeping his eyes focused straight ahead but not really seeing anything.

From Eridan to Sollux:  
how'd it go?

From Sollux to Eridan:  
fine.

From Eridan to Sollux:  
wanna talk? :(

From Sollux to Eridan:  
.....................

From Eridan to Sollux:  
i'll pick up dinner on the way home


	3. ACT ONE: Part Three

Fully accustomed to being waken up in the middle of the night by this point- just the other day Sollux had woken him at one in the morning because he wanted waffles. When Eridan pointed out that he didn't even like waffles, he'd started demanding pop tarts instead. That had been one hell of a night- it didn't take long for Eridan to crawl back to consciousness and prop himself up on his elbow when he heard his name being murmured. He didn't have to bother with turning the bedside light on, as the light of Sollux's cellphone more than sufficed in lighting up the room and his boyfriend's face. It was much easier to see the dark shadows under his eyes in the dimly lit room.

"ED?" He received a poke to the chest to make sure that he was awake. He yawned, covering his mouth with his hand to muffle it and pushed himself further up on his elbow. Sollux was sitting bolt upright beside him, playing on his phone and casting him looks every now and then, to check that he was still there.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm awwake, hun." Eridan promised, "Wwhat's up?" He rubbed at his eyes, trying to wake up quickly in case his boyfriend wanted something. It would be hard to make snap decisions if he was still half asleep; though, he hoped that he'd just want a glass of water or something so that he could go back to sleep.

"We never go on dateth anymore." Sollux huffed and there was a long pause, filled only with soft, tired grunts, as Eridan forced himself into a sitting position. And he pushed his glasses on, so that he could get a good idea of the look on Sollux's face. It was still hard to see though because, well, it was pretty dark.

"I knoww." Eridan said, noting the wistful look on his boyfriend's face, "There isn't really any reason to wwhen wwe see each other all the fuckin' time." He brought one arm up to wrap around the Gemini's shoulders and pull him in closer. Sollux obliged and leaned against him, pressing kisses to Eridan's cheek.

There was no way of telling for sure, but judging by how affectionate Sollux was being, he'd been waiting a long time to wake him up. He'd thought about it for a long time, wanting to wake him so they could talk but not wanting to bother him. Eridan knew these kinds of thoughts played in his boyfriend's head because he'd been told about them a few mornings after they'd started living together.

They'd been cuddled up on the couch where they had fallen asleep after a Harry Potter marathon (Eridan had insisted and Sollux insisted that he hated every second of it- he knew that it was a lie because he'd caught the Gemini hunched over the books less than a few hours later), and Sollux had started shifting uncomfortably.

"Wwhat's wwrong, Sol?" Eridan had questioned, frowning as Sollux continued to wriggle.

"Th'nothing." Sollux replied, lifting his head off Eridan's chest so that he could smile at him, "Really. It'th nothing."

"You wwanna movve to the bed?" Eridan asked, poking at his cheek a little playfully, "You aren't goin' to sleep vvery wwell if you aren't comfortable." There was a quiet sigh.

"I'm not gonna thleep well no matter where we lie, ED." Sollux admitted, "Don't thleep very well. My brain liketh fucking me over like that." Of course, Eridan had known that they kept sleeping pills in the bathroom cabinet but he'd never seen Sollux take anyway. The packet hadn't been moved in a while, dust was beginning to form a layer across the top of it.

"I didn't knoww that."

"It'th not the kind of thing you go around flaunting."

"So, all this time...?"

"Eridan." To his surprise, Sollux took up a deadly serious expression and peered into his eyes, "ED, I haven't thlept at all thince we've been dating." That shocked Eridan. Sure, he always fell asleep first and Sollux was always there to wish him good morning but he hadn't thought...

"Sol! That's terrible!" His mouth hung open, "Wwhat? You just lie there?"

"Thometimeth, I think about waking you up." He admitted, carefully sitting up and keeping Eridan's body trapped between his legs. His hands were trembling as he spoke, like Eridan's did but differently. Sollux just struggled with keeping still.

"But I don't want to bother you or anything." He shrugged.

"You wwouldn't be botherin'!" Eridan assured him quickly, sitting up as best as he could when his torso had a freakishly tall twenty two year old crushing it, "I wwant to be there for you. That's wwhat datin' 's about. Bein' there for each other." His boyfriend shrugged.

"Okay." He climbed off Eridan and stood up, nearly falling over as his legs had fallen asleep (well, at least one part of him had), "Thtay right there. I'm gonna go take my medth."

"Take ya sleepin' pills." Eridan called after him, as he headed into the kitchen, "Then, come back and cuddle me!"

Since, Sollux still seemed reluctant to wake him up but would do so on some occasions (such as tonight) and Eridan tried to be tolerant of his unusual sleeping pattern.

 

"You wwant to get somethin' to eat?" He asked him now, receiving a nod in response and Sollux clambered out of bed. Eridan threw the covers off and stood up, heading to the kitchen. He didn't bother turning on any of the lights as he went, knowing that they would be startlingly bright, and just let his eyes adjust to the darkness.

Sollux followed close behind him, steady footfalls prompting Eridan onwards despite the fact his heart was thumping. He never liked getting up in the middle of the night- as a kid, he'd been scared of monsters lounging around the mansion that he called a home and he'd never quite grown out of the fear. He took Sollux by the hand as he pushed his way into the kitchen and headed towards the cupboard. It took him three attempts to slam the kettle on and even more to get the poptarts into the toasters.

"Eridan." Sollux insists, knocking his shoulder into his, "Eridan." He wants his attention, that much is clear. Eridan squeezes his hand to let him know that he's listening.

"I want to go on another date with you." Sollux says and Eridan's heart stops pumping fast. In fact, it stops moving at all for a second and stops dead right there in his chest and oh god, this is it. He's going to collapse right here in the kitchen from a heart attack and die on top of Sollux. And Sollux will be traumatised for life and blame himself when really, it's all Eridan's fault, it's always Eridan's fault, he's such a fuck up-

"ED, breathe!" Sollux smacks him on the back and he inhales wheezily.

"Sorry.." Eridan gasps, leaning against the counter for support because otherwise, he might fall over and land on his face. And how humiliating would that be?

"Wath I too forward?" Sollux frowns at him.

"Just a little." Eridan says, his voice a little shaky. And there's a beeping noise as the kettle finishes and he nearly screams at the noise, startling backwards. He shakes his head quietly and sets himself to work pouring them both tea with trembling hands, working silently until as he calms his nerves. And he grabs the poptarts and slides them onto plates before moving everything to the table and collapsing into his seat. Still frowning, Sollux sits down opposite him and gets to work eating his poptart.

"You know I hate tea." He mutters, staring down at his cup.

"Sol, I'm not makin' you coffee. It wwon't help you sleep." Eridan sighs and then, his boyfriend sighs because he loves his caffeine levels to be higher than Kurloz Makara is during his days off. Sol's head came down to rest on the table, his poptart already fully devoured. Shit, he was fast. He must have either been really hungry or just not thinking about what he was doing.

"But tea ith grothth." Sol muttered darkly, lifting his head up to take a cautious sip. He spluttered and a look of disgust crossed his face- Eridan had no idea whether he was putting it on or not but if he was, he was a pretty convincing actor.

"You wwere sayin' somethin' about a date." Eridan reminded him, quietly. His heart was still squirming nervously in his chest at the thought of it. Even if he had been on a few dates with Sollux before, he still got anxious at just the prospect of dating. Even if it was with his beautifully awkward/awkwardly beautiful boyfriend.

"I want to go on a date." Sollux nodded, leaning forward and grinning at him.

"... Okay." Eridan agreed, somewhat shakily, "Okay."

"When have you nextht got time off work?" His boyfriend asked eagerly.

"Can wwe... Can wwe... Wwe... Figure it out tomorroww?" Eridan stuttered out, "It's a little late to be discussin' somethin' as serious as this."

Wordlessly, his boyfriend reached across the table and for a second, Eridan thought he was going to hold his hand. Then, Sollux took his poptart and stuffed it in his mouth with a proud grin. And, staring at each other for a moment, they both started laughing. Sollux really did take his hand then, rubbing his thumb against the back of Eridan's hand.

"Of courthe it can wait, ED. I'll wait ath long ath you need." He was still laughing.

It was decided that Eridan would use one of his days off next week so that they could go on what Sollux deemed "a proper date". Eridan dressed up in a button-down shirt and a tie and made sure that every single one of his rings were in place before meeting his boyfriend after his early therapy appointment. This was his regular weekly appointment and he was wearing his normal outfit; his worn-out jeans and his black and yellow striped t-shirt that hung off his slim frame.

He was wearing his new sneakers though- red and blue ones that he'd ordered off the Internet and he'd been oh-so-excited when they'd arrived in the mail. Jumping up and down level of excited. Eridan hadn't seen him so pumped since Fallout 4 was announced. To be fair, the shoes were pretty cool and Eridan realised as his boyfriend ran down the front steps towards him that they were light-up shoes. Okay, that was pretty fucking cool. He suddenly felt ten years old all over again.

"Eridan!" He threw his arms around him and nearly tackled him to the ground in a hug, (luckily, Eridan's weight kept him planted firmly on his feet), "You look tho good!" That was when Eridan noticed that Kurloz was standing there too, almost smiling at them. It was always hard to tell if he was smiling or not underneath all that facepaint. As Sollux pulled away, Eridan nervously raised a hand in greeting.

"H-hello." He managed, receiving a nod from Kurloz for his efforts.

"Have a nice time, Lux." The mime said and Eridan noted that he was acting like he was Sollux's dad waving him off to prom or something. Or should that be dads?

Eridan's never met Sollux's dads but he's heard a lot about both of them. The one person he's heard little to nothing about is Sollux's elder brother, who he's only ever mentioned once. And that was when Eridan had spotted his older brother in a photograph when they were looking through pictures and pointed him out.

"Wwho's that next to ya?"

"That'th Mituna." Sol had said, "My brother." He didn't care to elaborate and Eridan didn't ask in case it was a sore subject or something. But honestly, he could have guessed that they were brothers because Mituna was just a slightly taller version of Sollux with darker, messier hair that covered most of his face. He had two piercings through his lower lip, one red, one blue- Sollux had once mentioned that he used to have piercings there too and there were still scars from where he'd accidentally pulled them out in a fit of anger and badly torn his lip.

Looking at the marks made Eridan wince a little, the same way that all scars made him wince. And Sollux had a few scars here and there but he wouldn't admit what most of them were from. He promised that they weren't from self-harm or anything when he asked.

"I wath... There wath... It'th nothing." Eridan was curious but he didn't push him.

He peers at the scars now, as they head down the street. He's never really looked at them before because he prefers to pretend they're not there but now that he looks, it's pretty bad scarring. Sollux catches him looking and turns his head away instinctively. He has two piercings in each ear too. Eridan used to think that piercings and tattoos and the like were disgusting- he still did sometimes- but they looked decent on Sollux.

"Tho, I got uth ticketth to thee Harry Potter like you wanted." He says, his head still turned away as he stares out into the street. Eridan has no idea what he's looking at or what he's thinking and it makes him worry. He can't even tell if he's happy or miserable. He fiddles with the top ring on his index finger, sliding it up and down.

"Hey." Sollux turns back to him and takes his hand, sliding his fingers through his, "Don't be nervouth, okay? I got you."

Yeah, but you're what I'm nervous about, Eridan thinks. Instantly, he feels terrible for even thinking such a thing because Sollux can't help being bipolar anymore than Eridan can help being anxious. God, he's such a shitty boyfriend. What kind of person thinks something like that?

"Okay." He nods and moves closer so that Sollux can protect him from any stares that might come their way.

"I'm sorry." Eridan said, as they turned a corner and the movie theatre came into view. His boyfriend looked down at him and raised an eyebrow at him, wondering what he was apologising for. At least, Eridan presumed that was what he was thinking. The scary thing about dating Sol was that he never had any idea what was going on inside his head.

"Don't be."

Of course, Eridan's paying for the entire date technically, since he's the only one making any money with his shitty nine to five job at one of his father's shitty companies, (it's the only way he associates himself with his father because he absolutely hates him). But he gave Sollux the money so he can pretend like he's paying for the entire thing.

Plus, Eridan is too scared to approach the counter to pay for anything, so he makes Sol do it while he watches on from nearby, lingering behind a vending machine. Once Sollux returns with tickets and soda in hand, they head into the movie together and find their seats right at the back. Eridan will admit that he gets nervous about movies, especially with the volume turned up so loud and the screen so big and so many people in there.

So, they sit in the back and he buries his face in Sollux's shoulder as the obnoxiously loud promos start. Sollux doesn't so much as flinch but varies between whispering quiet comforting words to his boyfriend and yelling about how "bullthhit" these advertisements are and HOW FUCKING LOUD DOES THE VOLUME HAVE TO BE? Eridan wishes he wouldn't; he knows he's just trying to be kind in own his strange way but he's causing a lot of people to stare at them. He buries his face further into Sollux's shoulder until he hears the opening music and lifts his head up. He really does love these movies.

He knows that Sollux doesn't enjoy them as much as he does, (well, he does like the movies but he's not some huge fanboy like Eridan or as much as he hated to admit it, Cronus. When they were younger, Cronus used a pair of scissors to carve Harry Potter scars onto his own forehead and had to go to hospital for stitches. It was good thing that Eridan didn't let him attempt to scar him too). So, he's not surprised when about a quarter of the way through, Sollux begins to shift in his seat.

And his fingers start twitching where they rest on the armrest between them, a sure sign that he wants to be up and moving instead of sitting here still and silent. Eridan takes his hand and squeezes it tightly, earning him a soft smile. It's another ten minutes before Sollux starts to hum to himself quietly, mumbling incoherently in some nonsense, lisp-y language that Eridan can't hope to translate. But it's blatantly obvious- especially when Sollux starts sighing and groaning at some of the lines that he thinks are stupid- that his boyfriend is incredibly uncomfortable.

"Hey, you okay?" Eridan's already leaning against him but he tilts his head so that he can look at him properly. His boyfriend blinks several times from where he's been staring into space but pretending to look at the screen. He turns to him and smiles.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Sollux insisted, waving his concerns away with his hand, "I'm just gonna go to the bathroom or thomething." And he gets up, stretching his arms out.

"Promise me that you're comin' back?"

"I promithe." Sollux slinks off and he watches his hunched over form stalk away before returning his gaze to the screen, content with the promise that he'll be back. He just hopes that Sollux doesn't get distracted and end up wandering off. He wouldn't be surprised if he didn't come back but it still makes him bite his lip in worry. But, true to his word, Sollux is back within fifteen minutes.

"You're back!" Eridan exclaimed, joyfully.

"I told you I would be." He's got no idea what Sollux was doing but he's panting and sweat is dripping from his forehead. He attempts to curl up with Eridan but gets pushed away because ew, sweat. Definitely the worst bodily fluid after vomit.

"Wwhat wwere you doin'?" Sollux flops down beside him but doesn't attempt to throw an arm around him. He isn't offered an answer but he has his suspicions that Sollux went running.

For somebody that hates sport and any kind of exercise, Sollux does seem to favour running as a way of getting his energy out without harming anyone. Eridan can still remember the first time that he went over to Sollux's and found him soaked through with sweat and breathing heavily. His shirt was sticking to him and his hair was sticking up at odd angles from where he'd run his hands through it several times.

_"Oh..." Eridan winced a little, "Is it... Is this a bad time?" He was a little early and cursed himself for it now because he shouldn't have come early, he should have come on time._

_"Nah..." Sollux waved a hand in a sort of "eh" gesture and held the door open for him._

_Gingerly, Eridan entered and looked around Sollux's apartment curiously. It was pretty plain aside from the furniture and some aggressively bright posters stuck up on the wall in attempt to brighten up the room. The place was almost depressing, the wallpaper peeling off the walls and the carpet moulding around the edges. Eridan, brought up in a shiny mansion, was bothered by it. Not to mention, there were just piles of wires and keyboards and computer parts around the room. Abandoned projects, Eridan realised. There was half eaten fast food containers and pizza boxes stacked on every available surface. Plates and glasses were filling the sink and he realised that he understood full well how Snow White had felt when she'd walked into the dwarves' home. It took all that he could to not start tidying everything up and wiping all the surfaces clean._

_"It'th a thhithole." Sollux was watching him curiously for a reaction and Eridan managed to summon up a small smile._

_"It's... Yeah." To his surprise, Sollux just laughed and shut the door behind him, shutting the pair of them inside. Eridan got himself to work opening all the windows to let some air into this stuffy place. And he realised for the first time that Sol couldn't really take care of himself. Not right now. And he also realised that there was a lot he didn't know about Sollux's disorder aside from the name of it and the medication he took._

_"Wwhy are you so swweaty?" He raised an eyebrow and Sollux laughed again._

_"Went running." Eridan raised his other eyebrow too. He didn't know that Sollux could run. Sollux raised his eyebrows right back at him, waggling them. And Eridan laughed._

_"I wath nervouth about you coming over." Sollux said, in a sort of explanation, "Do you really hate it here?"_

_"Go showwer." Eridan opts not to answer, "Showwer and then wwe'll talk."_

_"I will. Under one condition." Sollux made to grab his hand but he flinched back, "You have to thhower with me." He blinked at him several times in confusion, flushing a bright shade of red. He'd never... He'd never seen another guy naked before if he doesn't count Cronus and of course, he doesn't count Cronus. And of course, he DOES want Sollux to be the first but he didn't expect it to happen so quickly. It took an awfully long time to even convince Feferi to kiss him somewhere other than his cheek._

_"Sure." Eridan follows him to his crappy bathroom, cringing a little at the sight of it. This apartment could not be safe._

_He's just contemplating if he should just go ahead and strip right here when Sollux slides his fingers through his belt loops and pulls him in close, leaning down to kiss him on the neck. And he tugs Eridan's shirt off, making him blush because he KNOWS that he's fat and he's worried that Sollux is going to turn away in disgust. Needless to say, he doesn't, he just smiles and pokes at his stomach. Eridan holds his breath._

_"You're tho cute, ED." Eridan blushes fiercely and gets to work pulling Sollux's shirt off over his head, standing on tip toe so that he can reach. The first thing he notices is how skinny Sollux is and it makes him bite his lip in fear. It's not healthy and it's not attractive and he wants to look away but he can't. Because he's his boyfriend and he's not allowed to say that the sight of his torso makes him feel queasy._

_"Sol, you gotta eat."_

_"I know."_

_"Don't make me feed you like a baby."_

_"I try, ED."_

_"Promise me you'll eat dinner tonight."_

_"I'll try, okay?"_

_"Sollux Alexander Captor, try is not enough! Promise me."_

_"I promithe."_

_The taller looks away as he starts undoing his jeans and unzipping them and stepping out of them. He's got such long legs, as expected of someone who's a fucking giant, and they're so slim too. Eridan can't help but stare at him as Sollux turns the hot water on and removes his socks and- making Eridan inhale deeply- his striped boxers. He peers curiously until he realises Sollux is looking right back at him, grinning._

_"Hey." He seems to note that Eridan is nervous because he leans in and helps Eridan out of his tight pants, barely blinking at him. And for the first time in minutes, Eridan remembers to exhale as Sollux strips him off entirely and pulls him in for a hug before he can think of something to say. His boyfriend so still clammy with sweat and he shudders a few times before he's released and he steps back. And Sollux helps into the shower, holding both of his hands tightly. There's dirt and grime under his nails and Eridan wonders how long it's been since Sol showered. Like with most things, he just opts to push it out of his mind and worry about it later. And he will worry about it later- worry all night long._

Now, Eridan gingerly slips his hand through Sollux's and the older boy takes his hand gratefully. And he kissed his knuckles lightly, his lips grazing against his skin. And they stay like that, arms locked together, until the movie ends. Eridan lets go as soon as the movie ends and wipes the sweat on Sollux's shirt but it isn't enough. And Sol seems to understand and takes him to the bathroom so that he can wash his hands off as many times as he needs to. And he needs to wash his hands seven times over, trying desperately to get the sweat off his hands because he stills feels kind of dirty.

Sollux splashes himself in the face and tries to cool down. Between them, they manage to attract quite a few curious looks and Eridan just rubs his hands together faster, looking down to hide his blush. Eventually, he gives up on cleaning his hands off and wipes them on his pants. He turns to his boyfriend, who's managed to splash what looks like the entire ocean on his face and he's staring down at the sink with a miserable expression. Shit, oh shit, what did Eridan do wrong? He's definitely fucked something up, somehow, because his boyfriend looks upset. He touches him tentatively on the arm.

"Sol?" His boyfriend looks up and grins at him but Eridan wonders if it's forced.

"Yeah?"

"I'd like to go home."

"Okay." It sounds better that way; for Eridan to want to go home because of his nerves instead of asking if Sollux wants to and he sees relief in Sollux's eyes at getting to go home. Was he really not enjoying this? He still keeps smiling though as he slings an arm around Eridan and they leave the bathroom and begin the long walk home together.

And it is a long walk, which Eridan spends worrying because Sollux has entirely zoned out and he's worried that he's sinking back into one of his lows. He knows it's stupid but Sollux has almost been "normal" for the last week and he doesn't want to let it slip away from him now. He wants things to stay happily but he knows realistically he knows that they can't. Every time Sollux crumbles back into this state, it's like saying goodbye to him for a while. He isn't the sweet Sollux that he knows and loves, he's an empty shell of him. So, Eridan presses a kiss to his forehead, making him jolt out of his thoughts.

"Huh?"

"I lovve you, Lux."

"Thanks, Eri."

As soon as they get home, Sollux heads into the bathroom to take his sleeping pills out of the cabinet (that's how Eridan knows something is wrong because it's only late afternoon and they haven't even had lunch, let alone dinner). The second he flops down onto the couch to cuddle with Eridan, he passes out there in a sweaty mess, frowning softly at whatever seems to be troubling him. Eridan picks what remains of his nail polish off his fingernails, knowing that even when Sollux wakes up, he isn't truly going to be all there.


	4. ACT ONE: Part Four

It's like being asleep but his eyes are wide open and it hurts more than sleep ever could. It's a dull kind of aching pain that occupies his mind, occasionally sharpening and making him wince. But it's constantly there, hammering on in his head and not leaving him alone. He wants to cry but he can't because there's no reason for him to be crying; nothing's falling apart, is it? 

Sometimes, it feels like everything is falling apart and it's all Sollux's fault. That's probably the depression talking; his mind a jumbled mess of thoughts that keep colliding and making him want to sob but he just can't. He can't force the tears because it hurts to even attempt. So, he just stays curled up on the couch and staring at the wall but not really seeing it. He's known for the past few days that this was coming, of course. He always knows when his moods as coming. They're like waves rapidly approaching shore, growing bigger and bigger until they crash over him and it's just like drowning. 

He remembers that when he was ten or maybe eleven or maybe twelve and people came into school to talk to them about drugs. Though, as they were on the cusp on the puberty and attended a shitty public school, most people had already tried a few drugs out. They took them behind the bike shed, the same place they smoked cigarettes their siblings had gotten for them. Sollux didn't because he already had his own special drugs to fuck with his brain and he knew that drugs weren't good. 

He didn't understand why people would take medicine optionally because he had to take it to keep his fucked up brain in check and he hated it. He hated getting home and finding his and Mituna's mediation lined up neatly for them to take and his dad having to encourage him to take them. Even then, he refused to swallow the stupid pills and his dad had to coax gently him into it. He didn't dare push him.

"C'mon, Sol, you know you have to take them." His dad would say gently, "You can pick what we have for dinner, okay? I'll get you a new video game. Just make sure you swallow them." It only occurred to him years later that his dad sounded almost desperate to get him to take them. Because he was scared, Sollux realised. He'd already been on daily medication when his dad's had adopted him after all- Sol was five and Tuna was eight at the time- and they were scared of what could happen to him if he didn't take it. 

Luckily, Sollux had been more willing to take it as he grew older, realising what the consequences were if he didn't. So, when he'd been taught about drugs, he'd understood most of it because he knew how different medications worked. And the drug educators were alarmed when he started talking enthusiastically about morphine, which was what they gave him when he went into hospital the first time. 

One thing that he did find interesting, however, was when they explained highs and lows. Apparently, after taking particular drugs, people's moods are often sky high and they feel so confident, like they can do anything. Like the world is their oyster and they can do whatever they wanna do and nobody can stop them. Yada yada yada. That's why people do crazy things apparently because they feel like they can, they don't see the danger. 

And when people come down from these highs, they feel depressed. They feel broken, like a part of them is missing, and they need to take the drugs again to experience the high again. If Sollux could compare his disorder to anything, it would be that. 

The highs were delightful and he felt on top of the world, buzzing with positive energy. But as soon as the lows hit, he would just feel horrible. Like total shit. And as he lay there on the couch, he wondered why people took drugs to experience things like this. 

He felt disgusting for lying there in the same sweaty, filthy clothes for days because he felt too exhausted to get up and change out of them. He felt pained from the horrible, aching migraine that was killing him and his head. He wanted to claw his stinging eyes out of his head to make them stop hurting. He felt tired from the lack of sleep due to the fact that if he closed his eyes for even a second- sleeping pills or not- the nightmares would start and he would wake up screaming. Eridan would immediately run to his side each and every time, trying his hardest to comfort him. 

"Shh, shh, I got you." He didn't dare touch Sollux in one of his moods unless he asked him to and he never did. Sol was scared that he might hurt him by accident or something because everything he touched seemed to fall apart and he was sure that Eridan was one of those things. It was all his fault that Eridan wasn't getting better, he was sure of it. So, he didn't let Eridan touch him but he let him stay there after the nightmares, when Sollux finally snapped and was able to cry. 

And he sobbed and sobbed and sobbed because it wasn't fair that he could forget so many things but he couldn't forget that one day had changed everything and fucked him over completely. He couldn't forget about... That.

"Sollux, it's okay." Eridan promised him but it wasn't okay, it wasn't okay at all.  
"You don't underthtand." He cried. How could Eridan ever understand? That was exactly why he hadn't told him about the nightmares that haunted him especially during his low weeks. It was part of the reason that he could never get to sleep because he didn't want to. He didn't want to experience all of it again.

"I knoww, I knoww." Eridan sighed quietly, "Do you wwanna talk about it?"  
"N-no." Sollux stammered out, breathing heavily as his tears dried up.

"I'll get you some meds, okay?" Eridan dared to kiss him lightly on the forehead and Sollux turned away from him, feeling like a shitty person for doing it but he hated Eridan seeing him like this. He hated Eridan to see him in this pathetic state of being because he knew how horrible it was for him. And he wanted to scream for him to just go, just leave because he didn't have to look after him. Sollux didn't deserve to be looked after. 

He was a shitty excuse for a person and he didn't deserve somebody like Eridan in his waste of a life. But he didn't have the energy to yell at him or even to move or speak half the time. It was like being asleep and just watching the world move around him. 

The worst days were when Eridan worked from home so that he could watch over him. And he would sit on the floor beside Sollux and put a movie on for him to stare blankly at and pretend he was watching whilst Eridan typed away on his laptop. He had to turn the brightness down on both screens because it made Sollux's eyes ache and they sat in the dark with the curtains drawn, Eridan working as quietly as he could while Sollux drifted in and out of reality. 

He wasn't really sleeping, just losing himself. No, not losing himself. Losing the world, as it fell away from him and left him lying there and feeling like he was dead but death couldn't hurt as much as this. He much preferred it when Eridan was at work so he could just lie there quietly, listening to soft music on his new headphones Kurloz had gotten him with his eyes shut. 

Every few hours, Eridan would bring a handful of pills and a glass of water, helping him swallow them down. He treated Sollux like he was sick instead of fucked up in the head, comforting him and taking care of him like he was caring for someone with the flu. He was gentle as he helped him choke down his medicine and muttered kind words as he gripped Sollux's hand on occasion and kindly wiped his eyes whenever Sollux inexplicably started crying for reasons that he couldn't even explain. 

That happened a lot during the really Bad Days. Then, a week or two (time seemed to have no meaning anymore) had passed and Eridan couldn't deal with the sight of him anymore, he would help him up and run a bath for him. A hot bath to wash the hurting and aching away. And he would help him in and wash him like his dads used to when he was only tiny and Sollux would think about the amount of water it took to drown a person and the fact that there was more than enough in this bathtub. 

And Eridan would wash his hair a few times to get the grease and filth out (the whole time talking to him about trivial things to keep him from passing out) before helping him out of the bath and drying him carefully. And he dressed him too, in proper clothes instead of pyjamas, before helping him back to the couch. Sometimes he would remove Sollux's earrings and his glasses carefully so that it was easier for him to rest. And he'd lay him back down on the couch and watch him out of the corner of his eye. If he got cold, Eridan supplied blankets and if he got too hot, he stripped them away. 

And sometimes, he would try to force some soup or some bread into him but most of the time, he couldn't keep it down for very long. More than once, Eridan had to help him to the bathroom or the kitchen sink if he didn't think it could wait more than half a second and rub his back gently as he retched. But Eridan was insistent, murmuring about how skinny Sol was getting and how it wasn't healthy and couldn't he please just eat? Just this once? He tried hard to do as his boyfriend wanted. By the end of the week, his throat burned from the stomach acid that had been brought up alongside his food. 

The day in question- the day CN visited- was one of the days that Eridan kissed him goodbye early in the morning and tucked his blanket around him, before heading off to the work. And Sollux fully intended to spend the entire morning laying on the couch with his headphones up and the volume turned up to the maximum to drown out the outside world. 

Which was why he didn't hear the first loud knock on the door- or rather he did but only faintly and presumed it was somebody outside. He just closed his eyes tightly and tried his hardest to ignore it as the knocking started up again. After the fourth lot of knocking and an exaggerated sigh, he gave in and took the stupid headphones off. It was probably somebody trying to convert him to Christianity (there were a lot of religious people around here) and he could just tell them to fuck off. He stumbled to the door, only half dressed because it had gotten hot during the night and he'd kicked his pants off. As it turned out, opening the door minus pants was a bad idea because there was a stranger on his doorstep. And he didn't look like the kind to be selling bibles either.

"'Ey there, stud. How you doin'?" He blinked in surprise at the greaser, who was just standing there on the doorstep, looking much too casual about it. He was leaning against the doorframe level of casual, a cigarette balanced between his teeth and he was chewing the end that was in his mouth. Who even wore leather this time of year?

"I'm... Confuthed...?" Sollux answered honestly, too tired to bother raising his eyebrow but definitely raising one metaphorically, "Look, we don't buy magazineth, we already bought thome of thothe boy thcout cookieth and we're both atheithtth. Tho, you can pithth off now." He attempted to close the door but it snagged on something; the guy's foot rammed stuck in the gap.

"I think you misunderstand me, chief. I'm just here to see your roomie."  
"My roomie? What the hell do you want with him, aththhole."  
"He must'wve mentioned me before. I'm Cronus."  
"He'th never mentioned a Cronuth."  
"Have you got an owverbite or somethin'? Your lisp is somethin' terrible."  
"What the fuck do you want with my boyfriend?"  
"Vwe are talkin' about the same guy here?"  
"I don't know, are we? Can I go back to bed now?" Again, he tried to slam the door shut but the guy's foot was in the way and his hand was trying to prise the door open again.

"Listen up, kid. I'm just here to see my little brother."  
"We are both talking about ED, right?"  
"ED? Is that some cute nickname you got for him?"  
"I didn't know he had a brother." Eridan had never, ever mentioned a brother in the months that they'd spent together. He'd mentioned his dad briefly to complain about him and about working for his stupid company. He'd glossed over the fact that he didn't have a Mom and no guy called Cronus had been mentioned even when he was talking about life back home. But the greaser did look familiar, like a taller, fitter Eridan with a chiselled jaw and his dark hair slicked back. He didn't have slightest bit of chub and his skin was freckle free and more tanned. Basically, he lacked all of Sollux's favourite parts of his boyfriend. 

"He's not particularly proud of me, I doubt he'd go around talkin' 'bout me."  
"Then, he probably won't want to thee you. Move your foot."  
"No, no! Trust me... I didn't get your name, doll?"  
"Captor." There was no way in hell that he was giving this asshole his first name, especially since he was sure that CN would mock his pronunciation of it. Sollux cursed his parents to hell for giving him a name that he couldn't even say.

"That's a pretty funny name if ya ask me, chief."  
"It'th my latht name, dumbathth."  
"I knovw, I knovw. I'm just screvwin' vwith ya, Cap."  
"I'm not in the mood for thcrewing." He was in the mood for sleeping or attempting to drown himself in the bathtub. He wanted to get some rest before Eridan got home and tried to kick his lazy ass off the couch. He was just so tired- not just physically but mentally too. He just wanted all of this to go away but he couldn't make his fucked up brain go away.

"Shame, I'm pretty damn good at screvwin'."  
"What did you fucking want, CN?"  
"Avw, cute, I earned myself a little nickname from you."  
"Don't make yourthelf feel thpecial. What do you want?"  
"Like I said, I'm here to see Dan."  
"You got a cute nickname for him too, then?"  
"Shut your trap, Cap."  
"Thure thing, CN."  
"Can I see him or vwhat?" Cronus was peering past Sollux, just over his shoulder and straining to see further into the apartment. The guy was taller than Eridan but Sol still had the advantage and he moved to block him from staring into their shitty apartment.

"He'th not in, aththhole." The cigarette fell from his mouth and hit the ground, falling into a puddle. It had rained during the night and Sollux remembered vaguely that Eridan had been excited that it was cold enough to snow. He'd even tried to drag Sollux over to look out with the window to try and spot snowflakes but he'd brushed him off. Looks like if there was any snow, it hadn't settled on the ground.

"Are you tellin' me that I'wve been standin' around chattin' vwhen he's not ewven in?"  
"Fuck off, CN." He gave up on attempting to shut the door after the third failed attempt, "Can you go away now? I'm th'ick." In the head. He was sick in the head but nobody ever believed that was a valid reason to stay at home and rest, so he normally left off the last part. It was much easier to pretend that he had flu or something.

"You got any idea of vwhen he'll be back?"  
"Theven. Not accounting for traffic. Goodbye." 

"Can I come in?" Sollux let out a groan and just backed away from the door to let him in.

"If it will get you to jutht thhut the fuck up, then thure. Don't touch anything and the couch ith mine. I'm not putting my pantth back on tho don't even athk." And with that, he headed back to his beloved couch and collapsed onto it. He pulled the blankets back over him and settled down there, casting a weary eye at Cronus. The man was curiously peering at their belongings, most likely getting his greasy fingers all over everything. But he seems harmless enough so Sollux settles back down until he hears a voice close by.

"Vwhen vwas this taken?" He opens one eye blearily and looks up to see the picture frame that's being thrusted in his face. They have an awful lot of pictures around and it takes a moment to recognise it. He takes in his own face and how happy he looks. And this was only a few weeks ago? It felt like a fucking eternity.

"That wath at Pride." Sollux said. The local pride parade in their fairly large, fairly accepting city and Eridan had shyly brought him along. Somehow, he'd managed to talk Sollux into drinking and by extent painting his face like a rainbow and doing a number of other stupid things. But it was still one of the greatest days of his life because for once, Sol hadn't stuck out like a sore thumb. Quite the contary, nobody even seemed to notice Eridan and himself sitting quietly on the grass under a tree, drunk and silly, painting each other's faces with their thumbs. 

And Eridan had been the one to insist that they took a photo to remember it and had whipped his phone out to take it. In it, both of them were giggling like total idiots and covered in paint and lazing on the grass. And when they'd got home, whilst Sollux laid on the couch and complained loudly about one of his migraines, Eridan had framed the picture and put it amongst their other ones on the shelf in the middle. It was his favourite. Sollux hated it.

"He looks happy." Cronus commented.  
"We drunk a lot." Sollux says, earning himself a shrug in return and Cronus just put the picture down on the wrong table. He glared at him until the idiot put it back in the correct place.  
"Is that vwhy you're sick?"  
"Huh?"  
"Are you hungowver or somethin', Cap?"  
"Fuck no." He couldn't even think about drinking right now, "I'm jutht... Unwell. Fuck off and be quiet." To his credit, Cronus is mostly quiet when he isn't asking questions that Sollux can't be fucked to answer. He inspects every inch of their apartment, except for the bedroom because when he so much as glances in that direction, Sol growls that it's fucking off limits. 

But he leaves well enough alone and he heads out for dinner, arriving back with pizza soon- the smell makes Sollux swallow hard- before Eridan gets home. And Sollux knows when Eridan gets home because there's a sudden silence when he walks in and sees his brother sitting there. 

"Cro?"  
"Dan?" Sollux turns away from the pair of them as they stare blankly at each other because he knows that this- whatever this situation is- has absolutely nothing to do with him. So, he's surprised when Eridan approaches him first and touches him gently on the arm, just above the elbow. His hands are always so fucking cold and he shivers.

"Howw're ya feelin', Sol?"  
"Ha! I got a first name! Sol Captor!"  
"Ugh, fuck you, Ampora."  
"Vwell, you can if you vwant to- OVW!"  
"That's my boyfriend, Cro!" But it's all good natured teasing and Sollux thinks bitterly of his pathetic attempts to make conversation with his own brother. 

Mituna's brain is severely damaged, much more so than Sollux's, and it's hard to get anything real sense out of him. He swears a lot and is easily frustrated and acts like a child a lot of the time and whenever he sees him, Sollux feels terrible for moping about his own fucked up brain. Because Mituna reminds him that he's gotta be grateful that he isn't the twenty five year old drawing bees with a purple crayon and getting frustrated when they don't come out right.

"I'm teasin', I'm teasin'-"  
"I feel like thhit." Sollux puts in, miserably, earning him an affectionate kiss on the forehead.  
"You wwant me to put you to bed? Me and Cro need got some catchin' up to do."  
"You want me off the couch, don't you?"  
"It'd be avwful considerate of you to mowve your bony ass, chief."

"Cronus!" Eridan pauses and inhales heavily, "Stay right there, I'm gonna take Sollux to bed and make sure he's okay." His boyfriend wraps both arms around his torso and lifts him out of his nest of blankets and pillows with little difficulty. And Eridan blinks in surprise and chuckles.

"You're not wwearing any pants."  
"I know, I'm not an idiot."  
"Could'vve fooled me." ED teases and any other time, in one of his better moods, it would be much appreciated. Now, it just makes Sollux mope and look at the ground. Because he is an idiot, he's so stupid, he's so stupid to stick around and ruin Eridan's life like this-

"My head hurtth." Sol whimpers, clutching his boyfriend as he helps him stumble towards the bathroom. He's being half-carried, half-dragged but he knows that ED's doing his best.  
"I knoww, hun." Eridan assures him, "I knoww, wwe'll get you some stronger aspirin on Saturday, yeah?" 

But they both know that Sollux is on the strongest kind there is, strong enough that he could get seriously sick if he overdoses and it makes him feel woozy even in regular doses. Eridan takes said aspirins out of the bathroom cabinet and pops a few in Sollux's mouth, which he swallows obediently, knowing that they won't do anything. His sleeping meds follow and then, his regular ones and Sol's glad that the door's closed because Cronus would think he was supremely fucked up if he saw this. Who needs three lots of meds in one go? He feels pathetic for being so reliant on them. 

Eridan helps him wash them down with a glass of water because Sollux has been reduced to a state of feeling totally incapable and he just wants to cry and sleep and vomit- not all at the same time. So, Eridan's the one that washes his boyfriend's face and makes sure he drinks another glass of water and brushes his teeth for him. Sollux hears him audibly gasp when Sol spits in the sink and his salvia is flecked with blood from his sore gums.

"You need to take better care of your teeth." Eridan comments, not unkindly. And he makes him drink a third glass of water before chauffeuring him out of the bathroom and taking him to the bedroom. Sollux scowls at Cronus as they pass him and the greaser pulls a face at him.

"Hey, Dan, can I smoke in here?" He calls after them. Eridan ignores him- Sollux feels anger stirring in the pit of his stomach but is too exhausted to care- and shuts the door behind them, so that he can change a drooping Sollux into some fresh clothes.

"You smell disgustin'." Eridan comments, considerably less kindly, as he pulls a fresh yellow shirt over his boyfriend's head. And Sollux is helped into bed, the covers tucked around him to keep him warm. He hears the blinds being shut and the room is significantly darker. He wonders if Eridan is still scared of monsters lurking in the dark.

"Good night, Sol." He's kissed on the head and his glasses are removed and put aside. After a moment, he feels Eridan pulls the two tiny studs out of his ears for him and makes him turn his head so he can take the other ones out too.  
"You should be okay." Eridan sounds like he's reassuring himself, "There are some heavy sleep drugs in that medication you take. I lovve you." And he kisses Sol again and he hears the floorboards creak as he moves quietly and quickly to the door. 

The door creaks behind him too and Sollux notes that he leaves it slightly ajar. Eridan's right, he should be able to fall asleep right away. But he doesn't, he lies awake and listens to the brother's talk in the other room. If he makes no sound at all, he can just hear them talking. Snatches of conversation that make little sense without any context. And he listens to the reassuring sound of Eridan's voice at regular intervals as he falls steadily into his nightmares. God, he wishes he could rest properly.

And much to his annoyance, Cronus is still hanging around when he wakes up. And morning after morning after morning, he slowly becomes accustomed to seeing Cronus lounging on their couch- his couch!- and his filling up their bathroom with his hair products and the lazy banter whenever they pass in the hallway and he grows used to the idea that Cronus probably isn't leaving. Not anytime soon at least.


	5. ACT ONE: Part Five

It's around the three or maybe four week mark when Sollux starts to come around again and Eridan knows it because he's started talking to him and even asking for food when he can stomach it. It makes Eridan glad. But there's one morning in particular when he wakes up and finds that his boyfriend is no longer beside him. His heart jolts with fear and he understands how sick Sollux has been feeling for the past few weeks because he wants to hurl. 

He feels sick at the idea that he might be missing- and during his bad weeks, this could mean something really, really bad. He always tries to keep track of him during the bad weeks especially. Cursing himself for not realising he was missing earlier, he falls out of bed and stumbles to the door. 

For once in his life, he's so glad to see the kitchen light on and see his boyfriend up so early, stumbling around in there. He's trying his hardest to be quiet though, that's obvious, and that's how he knows that he's definitely back. The messy haired Sollux glances up at him, rubbing his eyes tiredly, and his heart leaps for a different reason altogether. 

Because that's him, that's HIS Sollux- not the imposter that's been crying on their couch for a month- blinking at him wearily from behind his glasses as he makes himself a cup of their shitty coffee and he can't help smiling at him. He's offered an exhausted grin in return and that's enough to satisfy him.

"Come back to bed soon, okay?" Eridan says before turning on his heel and heading back to their room. He hears a quiet grunt in response as he crashes back into bed, leaving the door wide open. And he lets himself fall back into sleep, knowing full well that Sollux will want to be left to his own devices. He's like that, Sollux, obsessed with the idea of independence. Eridan knows that- unlike himself- his boyfriend hates being coddled and these last few weeks have been horrible for him. He likes to sort his own shit out without anybody to hold his hand along the way. So, he leaves him alone to pull his shit back together. 

When he wakes up, he can hear soft breathing beside him and he's smiling even before he opens his eyes. Because as long as he can hear breathing and creaking and groaning from the bed as Sollux shifts his weight, he knows that the worst is over and that they've pulled through this again somehow.

"ED?" comes the familiar lisping voice in a morning whisper, "Are you awake?" As if in response, Eridan props himself up on his elbows so that he can look at him. His boyfriend looks considerably better. He still looks exhausted, like anyone would look after weeks of restless sleep at the very best, and there's dark smudges under his eyes and he's still pretty sickly looking. 

His hair is a greasy mess and his oval shaped glasses are hanging off his face. But there's a brightness in his eyes that hasn't been seen in a while, proof that he's truly all there and not drifting away into some other reality where everything is scary and upsetting. He's here with Eridan right now, alive and in the real world.

"Wwhat time is it?" He mumbles, staring up at him and making notes to himself. He's going to have to force Sollux to shower, of course, and change into some fresh clothes because he still smells terrible. He always does after marinating in his own bodily fluids for weeks on end but that doesn't stop Sol from pulling him into his arms and obediently, he buries his face in his chest. He smells like shitty coffee and Mountain Dew and microwave nachos and sweat. And he almost sobs because he's just so fucking glad to have this idiot back.

"It'th like eleven." Before he can panic, Sol adds, "I called in th'ick for you at work." And he presses a single kiss to his forehead, patting the top of his head affectionately. Sollux closes his laptop and moves it off his lap, putting it on the bedside table.

"Thanks, Sol." He murmurs and sits up properly, climbing on top of Sollux and lying on him, resting his head on his stomach. Quickly, he pushes Sol's shirt up and gets to work pressing kisses gently to his stomach, sucking at the skin there. His stomach is so flat that it's beginning to recede, each of his ribs countable. 

And Eridan is jealous because he's always wanted to be thin and Sollux is the skinniest person that he's ever met. He knows it's wrong to be jealous, of course, it's like looking at those kids in third world countries and being jealous of how skinny they are and he knows it's so stupid. But it's hard not to think about his chub when he's staring at Sollux's smooth honey coloured stomach.

"Hey." His face is gently caressed by the back of Sol's hand and he looks up at him, blinking innocently as if he wasn't thinking about his weight. Sollux hated it when he did. He could still remember the first time that Sollux had gotten properly frustrated with him and it was because of that. 

He remembered waking up in Sollux's arms for the first time, pressed up against his warm torso. Sollux's arms and legs were wrapped around him, trapping him in the bed and for a minute, he almost panicked. Until he remembered that he'd agreed to spend the night over here after they'd had sex and he'd been too exhausted to haul his ass home. So, he'd just settled down in Sollux's creaking bed that was doing nothing for the Gemini's bad back and curled up there comfortably. Now, he tried to wriggle free of his tight grip without waking him up but just earned himself a soft grunt and kiss on the cheek.

"Hey." Sollux mumbled into his hair and he could feel the warmth of his breath against his skin and it made him flush. The night before had been their first time doing /it/ in a socially acceptable place- AKA Sollux's bed. Before it had been on his couch or in his bathroom or on the floor because that was where they started and once they started, Sollux was much too eager about clawing at him to up and move to a better location.

"Hey." Eridan rolled onto his other side so that he could face him. He couldn't properly look at him, of course, due to their faces being pressed up together but it was close enough. Sollux kissed him gently on the mouth and he was reminded of just how sweet his boyfriend could be during his good days.

"Are you okay?" His boyfriend muttered as his lips left the taste of peanut butter in his mouth and he resumed nuzzling his face into Eridan's hair. And he was left to think about Sollux's question. The obvious answer would be yes, he was fine. But realistically, he was aching all over and his mouth tasted disgusting and he was beginning to smell like Sollux from cuddling him for so long and that was never good.

"Sore." is the response he opted for, earning him sympathetic noises and gentle kisses and nips on the tip of his ear. 

"Thorry, Eri."

"S'okay." 

He had no idea how long they had laid there, wrapped around each other and sharing gentle kisses, but it was Eridan that had pulled away first. He'd managed to wriggle free of Sollux's gangly arms and legs and sit up blearily. And he slid his glasses on so that he could survey the mess that they'd made of Sol's apartment last night (things had gotten a little out of hand so it was no wonder that he was hurting). 

If they had made a mess, it didn't make the shitty room look any worse and he was relieved about that. But he was going to have to tidy this place up if he decided to move in- or was that thinking a little too fast? He wasn't sure. Sollux liked to live life in the fast lane after all.

"Eridan." Sol whined from where he was curled up, now clinging to Eridan's waist in aid of something to cuddle with, "Don't go."

"I'm not goin' to go home; I'm goin' to go make breakfast." He promised, ruffling his hair lightly before easing out of his grip again and getting out of bed. And he took the last remaining clean shirt from Sollux's closet and slid it on. It fell down to his knees lengthwise but it was a little tight on him. 

Which was how he came to be muttering about losing some weight so that he could wear better clothing and not look like a total loser. After all, things used to be better when he was younger and slimmer. That period in his early teens after he'd lost his baby fat when he'd been able to wear skinny jeans that he had to hold up with a belt because of his skinny hips; those had been the best few years of his life. Next thing he knew, Sollux's arms were wrapped around him and he was left to wonder how he had gotten there so quick. And his lips were pressed against his ear again.

"Eridan." He said in the firmest voice Eri had ever heard him use, "I like you how you are."

"'M fat." He tugged at his shirt to prove his point.

"You're chubby." Sollux corrected, "And I think you're beautiful."

"You don't. You're just sayin' that to make me feel better."

"Eridan Ampora, you are tho good looking. You're the motht fathhionable and well dreththed perthon I've ever had the fortune to meet. You've got the motht adorable freckleth. You're definitely the betht looking hipthter to ever fucking gracthe Earth. And it doethn't matter what you weigh becauthe being chubby ith not the thame ath being ugly." His voice was raising as he spoke until he was almost yelling at him, "I don't want you to end up... Like me. Eat properly. Okay?" And Eridan just nodded quietly.

"Thanks, Sol." He mumbled, as he was released from his grip and he headed into the kitchen to make breakfast. And he made sure that Sollux ate every single bite, feeding him like a baby just like he had joked about doing. 

Now, he just whimpers against Sollux's hand and moves further down his stomach until his mouth is pressed against his hips. And he tugs eagerly at the waistband of Sol's sweatpants, pulling them down and taking his boxers with them. He's just reached the point where he can see Sollux's dark, curly pubic hair when a hand grabs ahold of his wrist. He looks up, disappointed to be stopped.

"Not now, love." The Gemini smiles at him kindly but the tiredness in his eyes is visible. Reluctantly, Eridan pulls back and sits up, feeling foolish for thinking that his boyfriend would want some morning sex after weeks of crying himself to sleep. He should have known better. And he knows that the next week or so is reserved as recovery time.

"It's okay, bee." Eridan says, softly, "Let's get you dressed, hm?" And he sends his boyfriend to the bathroom so that he can shower, whilst he sorts out the laundry. Sollux always keeps the door open whilst he's in the bathroom and now, Eridan can hear him singing some song slightly off-key whilst he's showering. 

Meanwhile, Eridan finds some clean clothes and leaves them outside the bathroom door for him before heading to the living room. He's unsurprised to find Cronus sprawled on their couch and he pushes him off onto the ground without further thought, listening to his protests in amusement.

"Me and Sol are goin' out." He informs him, "I wwant your ass doin' somethin' productive wwhen wwe get back." That seems to rile his brother, who sits up and gives him a look.

"So, Cap is...?" He trails off, clearly unsure of how to phrase it.

"Yeah." Eridan grins, "He's feelin' a lot better." 

And he heads off to pull on his shoes and several jackets because it's cold as fuck out there. There's been no snow as of yet- he double checks, peeking out of the window- but he has his fingers tightly crossed for when Christmas rolls around. Soon enough, Sol approaches him, dressed properly now but still damp from his shower. His messy hair is dripping wet so Eridan makes sure to bury him in layers and even wraps one of his own precious scarves around his neck.

"Where are we going?" Sollux asks, as his hands are pushed into mittens and he's lead outside into the cold.  
"Don't knoww. I just thought you'd appreciate some time outside after... You knoww." His boyfriend nods wordlessly and he's not sure if he's grinning because the scarf is covering his mouth. He adjusts it and that confirms it; Sol is smiling.

"Maybe wwe could go to the park." The smile widens like a five year old's, showing off every single one of his wonky teeth sticking out at all angles. He has GOT to take him to the dentist sometime and get those straightened out. But for now, he just smiles back at him as Sollux grabs ahold of both of his hands and spins him around like they're some stupid couple in some dumb rom-com written by the shittiest screenwriter of all time starring two fucked up actors. 

And they spin and they spin and they spin and Eridan remembers how it feels to be in love with Sollux Captor. Stupidly in love with him. 

All the way to their local park- situated wonderfully near a coffee shop, which Eridan is incredibly thankful for- Sollux is incessantly chattering on about the most pointless of things and he just nods and smiles to keep him happy. He's listening more to how his boyfriend's voice jumps up and down with excitement, a strange kind of rhythm to it, instead of his actual words. It's just relieving to hear him talking again, especially with such passion. But he is grateful when they reach the park, which is quiet because it's mid-Tuesday and everything is wet and slippery with rain. 

Before he can ask him what he wants to do first, Sollux is off and leaping onto the roundabout and spinning himself around at a million miles per hour. And Eridan has to blink and contemplate the fact that this grown-ass man is actually older than him before rushing after him and swinging onto the roundabout after him.

"Eridan!" Everything's a blur except for the idiot grinning at him, "Make it go fathter, Eridan!"

"Do it yourself!" He sticks his tongue out at him but obediently, he pushes the roundabout faster with his foot and Sollux whoops with delight.

"Keep going!" He can't see straight anymore but he keeps going, just like he's told. One thing that Cronus has told him repeatedly over the last few weeks is that Sollux has too great of a hold over him. He just mumbled excuses but he knows that he's right. That guy can make him do anything. 

Everything has blurred into a mess of colours and he wonders if this is how bright and beautiful and confusing the world looks to Sollux all the time. For a long time, they stand on the edge and push the roundabout faster and faster until Eridan feels quite sick. Then, they move to sit in the middle and press their backs up against each other as they wait for it to slow to a stop.

"Feel good to be back?" He asks breathlessly, watching the world move around them.

"Great!" Sollux replies, enthusiastically, "I miththed you, ED." His voice takes on a more solemn tone as he says that and Eridan heart leaps into his throat.

"I missed you too." He swallows hard, "I missed you so, so much." It's been harder than Sollux could ever imagine- just like it always is- to sit and watch his boyfriend crumple into a shadow of a person. It's almost like he's dead and Eridan's in mourning for him but at the same time, he has to constantly worry about the idiot doing "somethin' stupid". AKA seriously injuring himself. Or worse.

Waking up every morning to find Sollux still lying in the exact same position that he left him in before, staring blankly into space and wondering if he even slept or if he was sleeping right then or what was terrifying. It wasn't like Sollux gave him much reassurance either. He can remember one day last week when he came into the living room and found him lying in a fetal position on the floor of all places and almost calling 911 right then and there.

"Sol?" He called gently, wondering if he could even hear him, "Sol?" He approached him and knelt beside him, lifting his arm out of the way so that he could see his face. His arm was limp in his grip, moved easily, and staring at him, he saw that his eyes were half closed. He looked fucking exhausted and Eridan wondered how long he'd been lying on the floor like that. A minute, an hour, all night. Who knew?

"Sollux Alexander Captor, wwhat am I goin' to do wwith you?" He sighed and carefully, slid his arms around his torso and his legs so that he can lift him easily. He was expecting Sollux to move to cling to him but he didn't so much as flinch at being heaved up. He thought he heard him whimper quietly but he can't be too sure.

"Does it hurt?" Eridan's voice was at whisper level, trying not to make Sol's headache worse.

".... Everywhere." Sollux said quietly, so quiet that he isn't sure if he heard him or not for a moment. He wants to cry but he settles for kissing him on the forehead and carrying him back to their room, tucking him into the bed. And he headed to the bathroom, grabbed his meds before shuffling back to their room. Or he tried to because he walked into his brother in the hallway. At the time, Cronus was shirtless and poor Eridan was confronted by a chest covered in body butter to the face. He winced, wiping his face on his sleeve.

"Vwasn't expectin' to see you up, chief. The bathroom's mine first, a'ight?"

"I'm goin' to wwork, you ignorant prick. Some of the functional adults actually wwork around here." He scoffed at him, "I just gotta help Sol take his meds before I head out."

"Can't he take his ovwn meds?" Cronus raised an eyebrow at him.

"He's in a lotta pain right noww." Eridan replies because it's true. He's come to a decision to go with Sollux's explanation that he was sick. If Sol wasn't comfortable with Cro knowing about his disorder, then he sure as hell wasn't going to tell him. He had no idea how Cronus would take that, considering he doesn't even know about Eridan's anxiety.

"Those aren't regular pain meds." Cronus eyed the pills that Eridan had clenched in his fist, "Those are prescription drugs, Eri, vwho you tryin' to fool here?"

"I don't see wwhy the hell you're so interested in my boyfriend's health."

"I'm just curious at to wwhy you'vve been carin' for his lazy ass 'cos he can't be fucked to haul himself off the couch and into the real vworld." He felt blood rush to his face in anger at that because no matter what Cronus thought, none of this was Sollux's fault. He didn't want any of this and he certainly didn't want Eridan's help. But if Eridan didn't help, Sol would just curl up and die on that couch willingly. He had no idea what he'd done prior to Eridan, probably just rotted in his own clothes for weeks at a time.

"You're one to talk about laziness!" He glared up at his brother.

"Dan..." Cronus's hands came down to rest on his shoulders and he looked him the eye, "Listen here, kid. I knovw you ain't a fan o' me. But vwhatewvers going on vwith your boyfriend, you clearly can't handle it on ya ovwn. Tell me vwhat's goin' on and I'll try to help ya out." That was the point when Eridan had collapsed into tears and fallen into his brother's arms, terrified of what Cronus would say when he found out what was going on.

He had no idea of how long the two of them stood there, Eridan hopelessly sobbing but still trying so hard to stay quiet and Cronus awkwardly patting him with no idea of what to say. He only managed to sniffle to a stop when he remembered that his boyfriend was waiting for him in there and was probably in considerate pain. He broke free of Cronus's grip and hurried to the kitchen without further ado to grab a glass of water and he headed back into the bedroom. Sollux hadn't moved. Of course. Carefully, he helped him sit up and washed the pills down his throat.

"Thankth." Sollux muttered.

"It's no problem." Eridan promises but his boyfriend must have heard his voice crack.

"You been crying?" Sol kissed him gently on the cheek and frowned at him, "Did that aththhole upthet you? I'll... I'll.... I'll fuck him up." He must have meant Cronus and Eridan chuckled quietly and ran his fingers through his hair gently, brushing it into place.

"Just allergies." He sniffed, "But you're swweet to wworry." Looking unsatisfied, Sollux laid back down and closed his eyes again. Eridan left the glass of water on the bedside table for him before leaving the room and shutting the door as quietly as he could after him. He walked straight into Cronus for the second time that morning, gasping in shock. One hand went to his chest because his heart sped up so fast that for a second, he thought it was a heart attack for a second there. Then, he punched Cronus's arm.

"Jesus fuckin' Christ, don't pull shit like that!" He punched him in the arm once more for luck before moving around him and making it as far as the front door before realising that he was being trailed by his older brother. He turned to him with a sigh, looking at the expression on his face. It was a face that he'd seen on his father many times before and it was a "confess now or suffer later" kind of face.

"I really gotta get to wwork, Cro. I can't afford to take anymore days off." Wordlessly, Cronus picks up the phone and scrolls through the recent calls. He holds it out to him.

"Three wweeks and you'vve called in sick for more than half the days, Dan. I'm sure you can afford to pull one more sickie to explain everythin' to me." The look on his face says that there's no avoiding this and Eridan just leans against the front door and sighs.

"Vwhat's goin' on 'round here, chief?"

"I'll explain it to you ovver breakfast."

And once they've moved to the nearest cafe at Eridan's request because he can't risk Sollux overhearing their conversation, he knows that he can't avoid it anymore. So, he slumps over their table and explains everything that Cronus missed since Eridan left home for college. He explains how he met Fef and they dated for a while until they'd broken up. Partly due to him being a fucking ass but also partly due to the fact that he was fucking gay. Cronus chuckles at that and mutters something about genetics, which makes Eridan raise an eyebrow but he doesn't inquire further. 

And he explained how he tried to date some guys, some girls but nobody was interested in him. And how he became the butt of everybody's jokes as some lame virgin that couldn't get laid (Cronus said he could relate) and the teasing had got more and more serious until he didn't feel safe anymore. People threw things at him in class and out of class and he hated it but was powerless to stop it. So, he got scared of talking to people or leaving the house and was gradually reduced to the quiet spoken, nervous person he was now instead of the confident ass he used to be. 

And he explained how he'd struggled after leaving college so he'd started talking to a therapist, this guy called Kankri Vantas, who helped him out a lot. But, he added anxiously, he still had panic attacks and a lot of anxiety in general. He was scared to leave the house on his own and to buy things from people behind counters, etc, etc. And Kankri recommended that he join a therapy group with other people with issues. And he'd been scared to go for a long time but he finally got up his courage to go and he'd met Sollux.

"So, Cap's got anxiety?" Cronus raises an eyebrow at him and Eridan chuckles.

"No, no, it's nothin' like that." He said, "He's got bipolar disorder, you evver heard of it?"

"I heard o' it." Cronus replied, "No idea vwhat it is, though."

"I had no idea wwhat it wwas prior to datin' him either. Didn't even knoww wwhat wwas up wwith him until he told me the name an' I looked it up." Eridan shrugged, "It's a mental disorder of sorts. It's sorta like... He has these mood swwings but they're for days or wweeks at a time. Like, at the moment, he's havving a bad time of it. Depressed and all. But three wweeks ago, he was the brightest I'vve evver seen him. It's a lot more complicated than that but that's the basis of it." 

A cigarette was been balanced on Cronus's lip and he chewed it as he thought. Eridan could see the cogs whirring in his head.

"So, sometimes he's just depressed for vweeks on end? And you just deal?" He still had that eyebrow raised as he stared at him, "Don't you get mad at him?"

"Wwell, yeah. Sometimes I wwish he wwould just snap outta it." He smiled faintly, "But, you knoww, it's only for a little wwhile. Wwe're likely reachin' the end of his mood soon. You havven't seen him in a good mood, Cro; he's such a swweetheart."

"But until he's feelin' up to gettin' out and about, you're just goin' to skip vwork to look after him?" His brother sounded confused still, like he had no idea why Eridan would do that.

"I don't skip evvery single day, just on the really bad days. Somebody's gotta make sure he's eatin' and takin' his meds." He explained, "He gets such terrible headaches on the bad days. And if I don't hand feed him, he's not goin' to eat and he's wwastin' awway, Cro. I wworry about him so much. Oh my god..." He collapses face forward onto the table again, his hands raking through his hair, "Wwe can't afford any of this. He hasn't got the qualifications to wwork so I'm supportin' both of us. Wwe gotta pay for therapy sessions, wwe gotta pay for meds and they're so expensivve, our entire apartment is fuckin' fallin' apart and wwe need doctors and dentists and food and I can't afford any of this--" 

A hand came to rest on his shoulder again and his brother shushes him gently, quietening him. His entire body was shaking with terror, he realised as he sat back up, and when he blinked at Cronus, he saw that his brother was looking at him with concern. And the greaser doesn't let him talk, making him stay quiet, until Eridan manages to stop quivering.

"You knovw that Dad could pay for all of this if you asked him? It's not like vwe don't hawve the money for all that shit." Cronus said, stroking the blonde streak in Eridan's hair. He had a look on his face, a look that was half way between pity and worry. It was an expression that Eri had never seen on his face before. 

"I don't wwanna ask Dad for help. He hates me anywway." He muttered.

"Dad hates ewveryone, you knovw that." Well, that was true at least.

"Just forget I said anythin', I don't wwant anyone else gettin' invvolvved."

"Dan." Cronus slumped on the table so that he could look his brother in the eyes, "Be honest here. Do you and your boyfriend actually knovw anyone else? Like friends? Either o' ya got any friends to help ya get back on ya feet?"

".......... No." Eridan rolled his eyes, "Don't havve time for anyone else."

"Vwell, maybe you should-" Cronus sighed, "You tried talkin' to anyone else in ya therapy group?" 

He was jerked out of his thoughts as he fell face first off the roundabout as it came to a sudden stop. Sollux leapt off smoothly and landed beside him, grabbing his hand to pull him up and kiss him promptly on the forehead.

"Thanks." Luckily, he didn't seemed to have injured anything but his side ached a little. He rubbed it with his hand as he thought of what to say, "Sol?"

"Come on, Eridan, thwingth!" Before he had time to speak, he was being dragged over to the swings by an overexcited Sollux and he sat down with a sigh. His boyfriend was clearly too elated to discuss anything seriously but he could at least try.

"Sollux?" His boyfriend was already swinging back and forth, back and forth.

"What ith it, ED?"

"You ever thought about maybe... I don't know... Making some other friends?" It was crazy but he could have sworn that he saw Sollux's grip on the swing tighten. He didn't slow.

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"Dear god, no!"

"Ith it becauthe I'm difficult?"

"Sol, I'm not breakin' up wwith you. Cro just thinks-"

"Oh, well, of courthe we thhould lithten to Cronuth! Let'th lithten to the greather douchthebag with no job feeding off you like a parathite!"

"Sol... You're doin' the exact same thin'!"

"Are you thaying I'm like Cronuth?"

"Maybe I am!" He didn't get a response because Sollux leapt off the swing and before Eridan could think to follow, he'd run off again.


	6. ACT ONE: Part Six

They don't fight very often but when they do, it doesn't end very well. As somebody cursed with an especially quickly temper, who is easily irritated, Sollux finds himself getting riled up and angry before he can even register what's happening, the whole thing is over. Half the time, it's like falling asleep because he can only take into account what's happened after it's happened. He'll never forget the time he came around only to find Zahhak doubled over with blood flowing heavily from his nose and the rest of his group looking at him in slight fear. He didn't know when he had gotten to his feet.

And he remembered the time in middle school that he'd gotten into an argument with some kid and next thing he knew, he'd was far away from the school and kinda lost. He had to call his dads at work to come pick him up. This time, when he comes around at last, he finds himself behind the wheel of a car and hurtling down the road at seventy miles per hour and has no clue as to when he got there. Last thing he remembered, he'd stormed away from Eridan and he'd been angry about something. Right, right. Eridan comparing him to Cronus, Eridan talking about making other friends. He'd never been that good at making friends due to his reputation that he had at school AND at his therapy group.

And now, he was flooring this car he thought he recognised but he wasn't sure how and speeding down the road way too fast for an unsteady driver such as himself. His hands jolted nervously on the steering wheel. He wonders who leant him the car. He wonders what he said to convince them he should use it. He wonders who would be insane enough to lend a man that clearly wasn't in his right mind a car. He wonders who would be insane enough but once glance at the dashboard answers that for him. His heart wrenches.

It's a messy dashboard covered in pointless trinkets and bits and pieces but the one that really catches his attention is the tiny Japanese lantern taped there. He doesn't know any Japanese (or Korean, despite popular belief) but he does recognise this series of characters because she taught them to him. She taught them to him on the day that she brought this back from holidaying with her cousins and called him over to show it to him, as she taped it onto her dashboard.

She always got so excited to show him the souvenirs that she brought back from vacations. And he realises with a mix of surprise and horror as he screeches around the corner that this is Aradia Megido's shitty car that he's driving. His heart throbs in his chest, pounding like it wants to break his rib cage, as he remembers all the time that he spent in this car. All that time that he spent recklessly driving this car as they whooped and yelled and just felt so happy that both of them were alive. She was always so happy to be alive and live for the moment. He didn't remember much after that, after the living, but he remembered the depression that followed. The not-living.

He spun the steering wheel and skidded down another empty road. He wasn't in town anymore, he was far out, and he thinks he sees a sign leading to Skaia and that's miles and miles away from home. But he can't focus on any of that because now he's fixated on her. The car still smells like she did, like cherry blossom and strawberry and milkshakes and that strange bubblegum she was always chewing.

The small stuffed ram still sits in its pride of place on the dashboard beside the tiny lantern, amongst the candy wrappers and the little tinkling charms and tiny skulls that she'd brought back from her trip to Mexico and the miniature pyramids from Egypt and flags from numerous countries hanging like bunting from the roof. His breath quickens nervously as he looks it all over and remembers how much they'd had, cruising down roads just like this at a ridiculous speed. Until they'd stopped. And she'd been screaming as he smacked the car directly into-

It didn't matter, none of it mattered, he didn't have to think about things like that. Things like that were a long time in the past and both of them had just been stupid kids, which was why he'd never told anyone about it. In fact, he wasn't sure anybody ever found out about his sometimes joyriding but mostly not-joyriding days aside from Damara (who Aradia lived with) and Kurloz (who was the first person he'd called afterwards).

It had been sometime after moving out of his parents' house and sometime before joining that goddamn therapy group, so he'd just shut it out of his mind. He'd forgotten all about it up until now but now he remembered he was reliving it vividly as the steering wheel jerked in his grip. And he realises with a start that he had lost control of the car and it was doing one hundred and ten and for a moment; instead of panicking, he just sat there and listened to the blood pound in his ears.

And he sat back in his seat and glanced out the window at the blurring colours, feeling oh-so-alive. Maybe not happy to be but he had a strange sense of just being. He could die right now and be like this forever but before he can, he thinks of Eridan and how he must be worrying. And he slammed his foot down on the breaks so hard that he gave himself whiplash and smacked his head hard against the steering wheel. He didn't notice that it was bleeding.

The car screeched to a stop and without even thinking about it, he climbed out of the car and laid down on the grass beside the road. He lay there for a while, trying to get his breathing to steady and his brain to be quiet. He wishes he brought his headphones with him.

He must have laid there for a good few minutes or so (or maybe hours?) before he pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and scrolled his contacts. He'd forgotten that he had it tucked away in his pocket. The screen was horrifically cracked down the middle- he wasn't sure why- but it still seemed to work well enough.

His thumb paused over his boyfriend's name for a minute, wondering if he should call him or not. It might be safer not to; Eridan would probably be in a state of panic right about now and telling him that he was lost probably wouldn't help the situation in the slightest. Instead, he opts to call Kurloz.

"I thought we said no more five am calls, brother." On the other end of the line, his therapist's voice sounds rough as it crackles in his ear. Rough, almost tired or irritated.

"It'th midday." Sollux informed him, his fingers running through the grass.

"..... Captor, it's five in the fucking morning. Check your clock." He moved the phone away from his face and frowned at the screen. Huh. So it was. He lost a lot of time today.

"Considering you didn't know that, something must be pretty wrong." Kurloz pauses and he sighs, "Look, is Eridan there? Can I talk to him for a second?"

"He ithn't here." There's a strange taste in Sollux's mouth as he says it. Another pause.

"You aren't at home, are you, brother?"

"........ Not exactly."

"Do you need me to come pick you up?"  
"I can't remember her latht wordth." Another pause but he can hear heavy breathing on the other end of the line and the creak that's presumably Kurloz climbing out of bed.

"Sollux-"  
"I can't remember what they were! I can't remember anything except for what came afterwardth!" He's frantic now, he supposes, and he realises that he sits up. And that he's got his knees raised so that he can lean on them to stop the shaking. His teeth are chattering. He can't help but wonder where the hell he left all his warm clothes.

"Eridan'th going to kill me when he findth out I lotht hith thcarf!"  
"Sollux, do you remember when we talked about breathing techniques?"

"No. Yeth. Maybe. Yeah, yeah, I do." He tries to breathe now, sucking in air, holding it for a few seconds, before blowing it out, "I'm really thorry to wake you up for thith, Kurloz."

"It's okay, brother, it's okay. Where are you right about now?"

"On the road to Thkaia. Are you coming to pick me up?"  
"Yeah. Just promise me you'll stay put, brother?"  
"Okay, I'll thtay."

"I'll be there as soon as possible. Keep your phone on and don't do anything crazy."  
"Nothing crazthy." That's when he decides that he's going to destroy the car.

It's nowhere near as hard as somebody might think, to climb back into the car and begin driving steadily. He's fuelled by determination and forgotten memories that he wants to forget again as he clutches the steering wheel tightly. And bit by bit, he begins to pick up speed. He's nearing the wall where he thinks he crashed it last time, slamming his foot down and making the car roar into action.

And in that moment, he has such a sense of being and aliveness that he almost doesn't remember to throw himself out of the car door and roll out of the way. But he does, just in time, and he swears he hears a crack as he falls out of the car and lands badly on the grass with a swallowed yelp.

He's almost deafened by the crash but he makes it out alive and goal achieved, the car is totalled. Every single trinket is either destroyed or broken, he realises as he examines Aradia's car. Gone. Like her. And the memories. He exhales in relief and returns to his spot on the grass, holding his head in his hands and just waiting to be picked up.

"Brother?" He has no idea how long he waits but it feels like mere minutes before he looks up and sees Kurloz standing over him, his mouth open in surprise, "Did you crash her car /again/?"

"It needed to go." Sollux muttered and there's a sigh from KZ, as he inspects the damage.

"Let's agree not to mention this to Eridan or Kankri. They'd have our hide." He tries to pull Sollux up but he almost screams in agony, falling back onto the floor. He isn't sure when his sides started hurting but it feels like they're on fire now that he tries to move. That must have been the crack that he heard earlier. His ribs, he guesses, and he flinches.

"Don't make me go to the hothpital." Sollux says, feeling the other man's gaze fixate on him. He doesn't get a response as Kurloz gently lifts him, making him yell and wince, and puts him in the passenger seat. It's degrading but he lets him buckle him in. He's barely aware of Kurloz getting in and driving but the next thing he knows, the world outside is whirling around them. And flecks of white are beginning to stick to the window and Sollux swallows.

"It'th thnowing." He realises, "KZ, it'th thnowing. You gotta take me home."  
"I'm not taking you home until we get your ribs checked out."  
"But it'th Eridan'th firtht thnow!" He tries the door but it's locked, "I gotta thhow him it."

"You can show him later. Does he know where you are?" Sollux shook his head, "Call him."

"I don't want to." Sol shakes his head, "I'll thee him later."

"Don't you want to tell him about the snow?" He hesitates at that and pulls out his cell, scrolling past the panicked text messages and sending him a new one.

From Sollux to Eridan:  
eridan! its snowing out here!!!!!!! :)

From Sollux to Eridan:  
ii'll 2how you iit when we get home!!

From Eridan to Sollux:  
DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA HOW WORRIED I'VE BEEN, SOLLUX ALEXANDER CAPTOR?! GET YOUR ASS HOME RIGHT THIS SECOND OR SO HELP ME!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!!!!

He turned his phone off and hoped that Kurloz wouldn't notice. He stared out at the snow and wondered if it would be his first and last one with Eridan. He did sound really mad.

It's hard to recognise the richer neighbourhood as being a part of the same town as his shitty one and he looks around in wonder at the gigantic houses as he's helped out of the car.

"Kurloz!" Oh fuck, no. There is no fucking way- "Sollux Captor?" It's that chick from the drugstore that used to date Eridan and she's smiling at him widely. If he wasn't in considerate pain, he would bail right now but he knows he wouldn't get far on his own. So, he just stands and stares at her in utter shock.

"Hi... FF?" He says with a shrug that makes him gasp in pain. Fuckshitbadidea.

"Oh, you poor thing!" She's looking at him like he's an injured kitten, "Come inside, come on!" Between her and Kurloz, they managed to help him inside and to a pink couch that they sit him on. And as they take it in turns to peer at him, he takes the chance to look around Feferi's house. It's huge and posh and he knows that Eridan would love it here, another reason that he should worry. It's way better than his shitty apartment.

"Sollux, it's going to be bed rest for you. There's no other way to fix a broken rib, it's not something that you can splint." No, no, no, he already did weeks upon weeks of bed rest. This was his first day back on his feet, he couldn't be back in bed already. Before he can register what's going on, Feferi is carefully pulling his shirt off over his head and making him wince. She gasps and he looks down at his ribs, which are somehow badly bruised already, and he exhales heavily.

"It's worse than I thought." She said, "Nothing that I can't deal with. C'mere, Sol, stay still." She's pressing an ice pack to his chest and it's hard to determine if it's that or her slender fingers pressing against set him that makes him shudder. Either way, he hates it.

"'Th cold." He shuddered and it hurt, "Thtop."

"Kurloz, hand me the blanket on top of that couch." Feferi instructs, (why does she have two couches? No, wait, three), and next thing he knows, she's wrapped a warm blanket around his shoulders, "And make yourself useful, go make him some soup."

The therapist grunted reluctantly at being ordered around by a tiny girl wearing plastic jewellery and pink pyjamas but did as he was told, disappearing into what was probably the kitchen.

"I feel like we got off on a bad fin last time we met." Feferi smiles at him and he can count each one of her perfectly pearly white teeth. God, she makes him feel inferior.

"Mhm." He stares down at his lap, averting his eyes from her gaze, "Maybe."

"Hmmm? Did I upset you or somefin?" Her hand comes to rest on his chin and she tilts his head so he's forced to look at her. She's really, really pretty up close.

"DontwanyoutoakeEDawayfome." He mumbled.

"Huh? Didn't catch that, I'm sorry."

  
"You and ED uthed to date, right?"

  
"Yeah, in college. It didn't really work out though!" She giggled.

"Why not?"

  
"For starters, he's gay. That made things pretty awkward for a while. Second of all, he's really dif-fish-cult to put up with, you know?"

"No. I don't know."

  
"Sollux, are you worried I'm going to try and steal your buoyfriend?"

  
".................... Mhm."

"Oh, you silly seahorse! I'm not interested in Eridan anymore. I never really was."

"Whatever." He squeaked- it was a very manly squeak, mind- as she moved the ice pack a little to press lower down and tried to not to wriggle.

"You're gonna to have to relax." She advised, "Try not to slouch, gentle breathing, relax your muscles-" That was when Eridan stormed in and Sollux shrunk back in his seat.

"Sol, oh my god! Kurloz called me, somethin' about broken ribs, are you okay?" He still looked angry but he seemed to push that aside for a second as he rushed over and knelt down beside him. And he took his hand and kissed his knuckles gently, lovingly, sweetly.

"I'm sorry I made ya mad." His boyfriend apologised, kissing his way steadily up to his elbow before stopping and sitting back. He still gripped his hand tightly though, squeezing his fingers.

"It'th okay. I'm not mad at you." Sollux smiled as best as he could at him.

  
"I'm glad." Then, he turned to Feferi, "Hey Fef. It's... It's been a wwhile."

"Erifin!" She sounds delighted to see him again and Sollux has to remind himself again that his boyfriend is gay and she doesn't want him, "Oh, I love what you've done with your hair!" She spares one hand to touch the blonde streak in his hair, "It's pretty. Not as nice as the purple though." Purple?

"Wwoww, rude, Fef." But he's smiling at her and Sollux feels out of place, "You look beautiful as ever. This shade of pink is vvery... Fittin'?"

"Thanks. How's it been going?" Awkward small talk, just great.

  
"You knoww. Fine. You?"

  
"Struggling to tolerate Mom."

  
"Yeah, I knoww. Wwell, wwith my dad."

  
"Is he still-"

  
"So, howw's he doin'?" Eridan interrupts quickly, "Is Sol okay?"

"I'm thitting right fucking here." He waves an arm to exaggerate his point and nearly starts to cry at the pain, "And I'm fucking pathetic." After ordering him to keep the ice pack in place, Feferi takes his boyfriend aside to inform him of the state of Sol's health. That's about the same time that Kurloz comes back with soup to distract him.

"Brother-"

  
"I don't want to talk about it."

  
"About what?"

  
"Aradia."


	7. ACT ONE: Part Seven

Through stubborn determination and the help of lots of energy drinks, Sollux is back on his feet within a few days and stumbling his way around their apartment with ease. For once, he seems reluctant to code and more keen on going out. So, Eridan takes him out day after day; coffee shops, science museums, Feferi's house, extra therapy sessions. They've both been having a lot more therapy sessions recently as Eridan is struggling to hold his shit together and Sollux keeps crying when he thinks his boyfriend isn't paying attention.

It's normally in the middle of the night that he falls out of bed and winces and whines his way to the bathroom. He locks the door and that muffles the sound a bit but Eridan is still pretty sure that he can hear gentle sobbing behind the door. And it's the weirdest thing because he doesn't think he's ever heard Sollux cry before and he can't help wonder what really happened the other day.

Nobody will tell him and Kurloz told him not to push the matter, so he was left knowing scarcely anything about why his boyfriend's ribs were broken. Something like a car accident. Even though they don't have a car so Eridan isn't sure how that came about.

What's also weird is that half the time, Sollux seems to be fighting to stay in his good mood. He seems to be fighting against falling into another depressed period, which is definitely good, but Eridan can't help wondering if he's okay. Because his boyfriend has been doing some weird shit. Like, the other day when he came home and found him watching back-to-back episodes of some sci-fi show and he refused to move until it was over. Or like when he came home and found Sollux half way through painting their room and lying on the bed, having given up on the whole idea half way through.

The next day, he painted the other half a different colour, so now they're stuck with a red and blue room that gives Eridan migraines to look at. But Sollux seems pretty content with the whole thing so he lets it slide. Last night, he found Sollux gaming way too close to the screen and drinking all the energy drinks in the world.

This is all normally pretty average behaviour for Sol but there's something off about the way he's doing it. The way he looks like he's falling asleep the whole time but forces his eyes to stay open. The way that he forces himself to smile when Eridan looks at him but sighs as soon as he looks away and for the second time in the past few weeks-

"I feel like I'm losin' him." Kankri, who is usually not a very touchy-feely person, offers him a tissue and pats his knee affectionately as Eridan breaks down in tears.

"Shhhhhhh." His therapist says gently, "Why do you think that?"

"Half the time, it's like he's not evven there." He mutters, tears dripping down his face, "Like, he's in the same room but he doesn't evven notice me. It's like he's zoned out."

"Zoned out?" He adds a note to his pad and underscores it twice.

  
"It's like... He'll just be sittin' there and starin' at nothin' for hours."

  
"This happens during the depressed periods too, correct?"

"It doesn't normally happen now though. I think... I think he's gettin' depressed again but it's wway too soon for it to be that time again, right?"

"I'll talk to Kurloz about it and see what he thinks." Kankri adds a few more notes before shoving the pad aside and looking Eridan in the eyes, "But we're here to talk about you. So, Sollux aside, how have you been feeling recently?"

"I think it's gettin' wworse." He groaned and buried his head in his hands, "I'm gettin' wworse."

"How so?" There's concern in his voice, Eridan notes, "More panic attacks?" Nod. "Have you told Sollux?" Shake. "Have you been trying breathing steadily? Counting?" Nod. "And none of it's helping?" Shake. Eridan doesn't feel any better when he leaves the office. He still feels like everything is steadily beginning to crumble.

When he gets home, Sollux is laying across the couch but of course, he isn't asleep because Eridan knows that he never sleeps during the elated days. He's more focused on feeling wide awake and alive and like he has a sense of being and like he can throw his arms up in the air and scream that he's here, he's important and he exists; at least, that's how he explained it to Eridan that one time he dared to ask what it felt like.

No, he's got his eyes shut behind his glasses but his body and mind are wide awake. Eridan swears he can hear his mind buzzing with a million thoughts from here so that his boyfriend doesn't even hear him come in.

He admires him flopped over the couch for a second, taking in the sight of his dishevelled hair and tight jeans and the way they're caught around his waist so that he can see the top of his boxers peeking out. He wonders what he did today, whilst Eridan was at work and then at therapy. And he approaches him, brushes his hair aside and presses a gentle kiss to his forehead.

"Sol, I'm home." He says after a moment and a single eye opens and a corner of his lip curls.

"Tho you are, ED. Tho you are." There's definitely a smirk in his tone even if it isn't on his face. And ever so slowly, he sits up and opens both his eyes now, properly. And in those two toned irises, Eridan can see the kind of pain he's been seeing for weeks now. The pain of staying awake and staying alive, he guesses.

"It'th been a while."

  
"I only left this mornin'."

"No..." He exhales heavily, "It'th been a while thince we did anything." From the tone of his voice, Eridan can guess where this is going and he can't deny that it'll probably be better to have Sollux plastered all over him instead of just using his own hand. But something about the look in his eyes makes him worry, like he's being used as a rock to keep him here.

He wants to be more than that, he wants to be important, he doesn't want to be something to keep Sol awake- his thoughts are silenced by a harsh kiss to the lips and he decides to forget about all of that for a while.

And he pushes everything to the back of his mind as his mouth moves against his boyfriend's, sucking and biting at him as he pleased. Neither of them are thinking about what they're doing and they're both kissing sloppily; their hands were working at each other, clawing and groping for anything to hold onto.

Eridan ends up being pushed onto the floor underneath him, his hands tangled in Sollux's hair and pulling him closer to him. Their bodies press up against each other and grind and rub and create the kind of friction that makes heat pool in the pit of Eridan's stomach.

"Mhmhmmhm..." He mumbles against his mouth, unable to form coherent words.

Sollux just chuckles and his hand is suddenly there, pressing up against his crotch and palming him obediently as he whined for him. He always knows the right thing to do and it makes Eridan wonder if he's done this before or if it's just to do with the incredible amount of porn that he has stashed away on his computer (oh, yes, he knows about that and he finds it disgusting).

Personally, Eridan has never done anything with anyone prior to Sol because Feferi couldn't even hold his hand and nobody else would even consider dating him and perhaps that's why he thinks Sollux is the best at it. But he pays no mind to it now because Sollux's other hand is creeping up his shirt and pulling at it frustratedly, yanking it off over his head and tossing it aside.

And they shift positions, Sollux rolling over and pulling his boyfriend on top of him. He's running his fingers over Eridan's chest and shoulders, moving down his back at rubbing at his shoulders. But Eridan was still needy and moaned against his lips until one of his hands crept back down to massage at him again, his long fingers working well against him. And it doesn't take long before he's undoing Sollux's pants for him, helping him wriggle his way out of them, and he returns the favour.

It doesn't take long then for them to finish after that, moving quickly and desperately and eating away at each other. Sollux's mouth tastes like energy drinks and coffee and strangely metallic as it works its way into Eridan's. Once he reaches orgasm, everything turns white and stars spin in his vision, dancing dizzily in front of him.

He's not aware of anything for a while but Sollux's panting breath against his skin and his gentle lips on his cheek. He thinks Sollux might be mumbling something to him but he can't focus on it.

It's a while later that he realises that he must've fallen asleep because his head is resting against Sollux's bare chest, enjoying the warmth that seems to radiate from his dark skin.

"How are you feeling, baby?" Sollux's voice is pleasantly warm and husky too, as he presses a kiss to his forehead, "Are you hurting?"

"No." Eridan mumurs but he can't bring himself to sit up or even move, "Are you feelin' okay, yourself? Feelin' any better?"

"I'm thlipping, Eri." He says and for some reason, the phrase fits perfectly.

"I know." He pauses before adding, "I'm proud of ya for hangin' in there."

"Mhm." Sollux hums and Eridan has no idea what that's supposed to mean. And they lay there quietly for a while before his boyfriend suddenly shifts to sit up and Eri has to grab hold of him to stop himself from falling off his lap.

"I've been meaning to athk you thomething for a while." Sol says and he can't help feeling that this is an intentional subject change so they don't have to talk about the fact that Sollux is probably going to spend the next month sprawled across the couch again.

"Wwhat is it?"

  
"My family..." He groans like the words are hurting him.

  
"Yes?" Eridan urged because he suspected he knew where this was going.

He's been asking to meet Sollux's family for what feels like forever. All that he knows about them are snippets of information he's gotten when he caught Sol off his guard and if he's honest, they sound an awful lot better than his family. But anybody is better than Eridan's family.

"They'd probably adopt you." Sollux had told him once, chuckling, and Eridan had leapt on the idea. The idea of actually belonging with some people. Not to mention, Sollux's dads were the only other people he knew that were gay and it gave him hope. That maybe him and Sol could get married one day and have a family just like that. He knows Sollux has a brother too, an older brother that he's seen pictures of, Mituna, but knows nothing about. Sol gets all edgy when his family are brought up.

"They want me to go thtay with them a while." Sollux said, "And you're allowed to come with me. I think they want to give you their bleththing or thomething. Ha." He's looking away like he doesn't want to see Eridan's reaction, so he leans in and presses a kiss to his cheek.

"Of course I'll go wwith you, Sol." Eridan said.

  
"I wath worried that you'd thay that." He sighed.

"Don't you wwant your family to meet me?" His heart starts pounding in his chest loud enough for him to be able to feel it. And it makes his chest hurt, like it's trying to break through his ribs and kill him. He can feel his knuckles beginning to sweat. "Are you ashamed of me?"

"I don't want you to meet them." Sollux mumbles, "You won't like them, Eri."

  
"I wwill if they're anythin' like you." Sol looks almost nervous but he nods anyway.

That's when the door slams open and Eridan hurries to cover himself and Sollux yelps.

  
"Oh, vwere you tvwo-?" Cronus clears his throat, "I'll giwve ya a minute." He closes the door.

"Fuckin' hell, Cro!" Eridan exclaims with a huff, getting to his feet and scrambling for his clothes, "Wwhat the fuck?"

"I didn't knovw you tvwo vwere busy!" Cronus's voice calls from outside the door.

  
"Fuck off!" Sollux says but it's unnecessarily harsh. Before he can say anything however, Sol's already pulled his underwear and pants back on (he's disregarded his shirt strangely) and is heading for the door.

"Sol, you're goin' to freeze like that." But he's already gone and Cronus is lounging in the doorway, looking like he was a lot to say on the matter but doesn't know if he should.  
"Don't say a goddamn wword." Eridan warns him and he nods.

The rest of the evening is spent worrying and shaking and feeling like he's going to vomit. He can't talk to anyone right now, let alone Cronus, so he just sits at the table and chews the nail polish off his nails. And he repaints them, paces the room thrice, tries to choke back some dinner and sits back down at the table and it still hasn't been more than an hour.

"Any idea wwhere he'll be headin', chief?" Cronus dares ask once and Eridan just slides a ring up and down with his finger and thinks to himself. Thinks about how little he really knows Sollux. God, he thinks he hardly knows the guy sometimes.

"Cronus, get me some paper."

  
"Vwhat?"

  
"It's on the desk. So are the pens."

Obediently, a very confused Cronus hands him some paper and Eridan quickly jots down a list that looked a little something like this:

THINGS I KNOW ABOUT SOLLUX CAPTOR  
1\. His favourite animals are bees (but he's incredibly allergic to honey).  
2\. His all time favourite number is two- he likes all other even numbers though.  
3\. He has some OCD tendencies to do with the number.  
4\. He has bipolar disorder and has for as long as he can remember.  
5\. He likes video games and coding and his computer.  
6\. He doesn't like to talk about his family or his home or anything in the past.  
7\. He never attended college because he failed his exams.  
8\. I think he's bisexual? Yeah, he's bisexual.

And that helps him breathe a little easier, as he sticks the list to his fridge and then heads to bed because it's beginning to get late. Cronus leaves him alone.

It's around two or three in the morning by Eridan's count that he hears the creak of his boyfriend climbing into bed and he exhales in relief. But when he turns to face him, he's confronted by flowers. Lots of flowers. Way, way too many flowers of too many different colours and he sits up. He reaches over and grabs his glasses so he can see properly.

"Sol."

  
"What?"

  
"You're shaking." When he reaches over and presses a hand to him, he discover that Sollux is freezing and slightly damp. Sweat? Perhaps. Snow? More likely. In fact, his hair is still flecked with it like he dived headfirst into a snow bank. Eridan wouldn't be surprised if he had.

"Dear god, let me get s'more blankets."

  
"No, ED, c'mere." Flowers are pushed aside and they're quickly tangled in each other's grip and in the sheets for the second time today.

"Eridan." His boyfriend was panting against him, rough and gentle at the same time, and nipping ever so slightly at his lips, "Did you know I uthed to have a girlfriend?"

"Is noww the time?" Eridan moaned, as his hips rocked up against his and his hands clawed pathetically at his bare chest and their lips locked. Sollux moaned.

"Now ith the time. I'm thlipping, I told you."

  
"I knoww. Hurry up and talk, you're killin' my boner here."

  
"I had a girlfriend before I met you."

"Wwas- ah!- wwas she pretty?" Sollux thinks about it for a long moment.

  
"Very pretty. Japanethe. Kinda into death but not in a goth way."

  
"Cool, I guess?"

"Tomorrow would have been our anniverthary."

  
"Okay?"

"I want to go vithit her and lay thome flowerth down."

  
".........."

  
".........."

  
"Sol?"

  
"Yeah?"

"Nevvermind." Eridan doesn't even want to know, "Is that wwhat the flowwers are for?"

"Of courthe."

"Oh." His heart crawled into his throat. He'd thought those were for him.

"What?"

  
"Nothin'."

The next morning, Sollux wakes him up early so that they can go before the streets are blocked with early morning traffic. Before the rest of the world is awake and moving. It's quiet and both of them walk in silence as they're heading down the street but their hands are clamped tightly together. Sollux keeps bumping hips with him as they walk and it makes Eridan smile despite the seriousness of the moment.

And they reach a graveyard that Eridan didn't know existed and Sollux leads the way down a twisting path. Despite saying he's never been here before, he seems to know exactly where he's going and they stumble upon the grave quickly. At least, Eridan guesses it's the one before Sollux abruptly stops and falls to his knees in front of a headstone. It just reads: ARADIA MEGIDO, BELOVED SISTER.

"This the one?"

  
"Yeah." Having the word of approval, Eridan lays the flowers down there and sits beside Sollux. And he stares at the four words with a strange kind of sadness. He never even knew. He can't believe that he never even knew Sollux dated before him but he supposes it should be obvious. He can't believe he didn't know that somebody close to Sol was dead.

"I'm thorry." His boyfriend says and Eridan doesn't know whether he's saying it to him or to Aradia or to nothing in particular, "I'm thorry." Sollux leans towards him and presses his face into Eridan's shoulder. It isn't long before Eridan's jacket is damp with tears.

"Thith ith all my fault. I'm thuch a fuck-up."


	8. ACT ONE: Part Eight

After his boyfriend has helped him dry the tears that Sollux can't seem to stop and he's managed to stop sniffing, Eridan starts asking for answers. Of course, Sollux doesn't offer anything up and feels pathetic just sitting here and staring at Aradia's grave. And knowing that this is all his fault, if he wasn't such a reckless idiot. If he wasn't such a fuck-up. If he didn't take everything way too far. She could be out in the snow with him right now and smiling the smile that had lit up his world like a sun for a long time. 

"Sol? Are you okay? Should I call Kur for you?" 

"I don't need him. I don't need it." 

"Need wwhat?" 

"I don't need your fucking therapy!" He throws up his hands in exasperation and manages to smack his palm directly into Eridan's nose. It wasn't intended to be a violent action but he's willing to bet that from Eridan's point of view, it probably looked intentional. 

"Thorry. Accident." 

"S'okay, Sol." Eridan says but his words sound oddly distorted and muffled. When Sollux looks at him, he realises that his boyfriend's nose is bleeding heavily and that blood has already been smeared over both of their hands and Eridan's glasses. He knows he should do something; he's already clutching a tissue in his fist that he could offer but he doesn't dare. Everything he touches seems to fall apart and he knows that Eridan is one of those things. Instead, he decides to scoot away. 

"Sol?" Theres a strangely hurt look on Eridan's face. 

"I'm fucking everything up." 

"You're not fuckin' everythin' up, that's crazy talk." 

"Well, I am fucking crazy, aren't I?" 

"I don't think you're crazy." 

Sollux. "Don't come any fucking clother." 

Eridan. "Sollux, please, you're acting-" 

Sollux. "Crazy?" 

Eridan. "Stop backin' awway." 

There's a sudden coldness against Sollux's back and he realises that it's Aradia's headstone pressing into his back. He stops there, enjoying the cold against his back. He knows that his moods are a slippery slope but he knows he's figuratively standing on a icy patch. One wrong step here and he's going down and he knows it. Eridan probably knows it too, judging by the way he's looking at him right now. The fear in his eyes. He's edging closer, looking frightened like Sollux is going to lash out at him. 

Sollux spits at him. "I thaid don't come any clother." 

"Sol-" 

"Fuck off!" 

"Sollux Alexander Captor, you listen to me right fuckin' noww!" There's a sudden firmness in his boyfriend's voice that wasn't there before and he's glaring from behind his cracked, bloodstained glasses in a way that makes Sollux shrink, "I am so fuckin' fed up wwith you actin' all mopey an' pathetic but refusin' to talk to me about any of it." He exhales, "I wwon't come any closer, okay? I'll stay ovver here like you wwant me to. But you havve to givve me some answwers, Sol. Please. Just tell me somethin'." 

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. The headstone is still cold against his back and Sollux leans back so that the edge of it presses to his back so hard that it hurts, a throbbing pain that is enough to keep him awake for the moment. And though he isn't too sure that he's doing it at first, he starts to talk. And he finds himself mumbling about how he'd met Aradia in high school and how she'd be the prettiest girl but she was fucking hardcore, she like archaeology and adventuring and expeditions and she dragged him all over the place. And how they'd dated and how they'd both loved the feeling of living at a million miles per hour so they'd pulled crazy stunts together. 

And about how one day, they'd been driving "crazy fatht" when the things had happened all too crazy fast. He couldn't remember much only that she was screaming and he should have slammed the brakes but the feeling he felt right then, the adrenaline rush had been too much and he hadn't been thinking clearly. He didn't know what happened afterwards but apparently he'd called Kurloz in some kind of fit and he was completely flipping his shit and crying but also laughing and Kurloz had to rush out to help him because he thought Sollux was going to do something really stupid. But he already had. 

He talked about the time he'd lost afterwards in the blackest mood he'd ever experienced and how by the time he'd managed to crawl out of it, everything was over. Aradia's life. Aradia's funeral. Over. And he told Eridan about how it had all slipped his mind until the other day, when they'd argued and he'd stormed off in a rage and when he came to, he was flooring Aradia's old car. He didn't know where he'd got it from and he didn't want to know. He'd called Kurloz to come pick him up and then he'd repeated what he'd did that night with Aradia. He slammed a car headfirst into a wall. 

"And I wathn't going to thave mythelf." He said, "But then, I remembered I had a reathon to." He pointed at Eridan, who was in some state of shock and staring at him blankly. 

"Sollux, I-" 

"You think I'm crazy. And I am; I really, really am. There'th thomething theriouthly wrong with my head and nobody can fix it, not even you. Thith ith the one thing you can't fix, Eridan." He breathed in heavily, trying not to start crying again, "That'th why you have to thtay back. Becauthe I'm fucked up and I thcrew up everything. I break everything. And if you're not careful, I'm going to break you." 

"Lux, please. You're not breakin' anythin'. You're panickin' an' blowwin' things out of proportion." 

"You're getting worthe, Eridan." 

"I-" 

"You are, aren't you?" 

"Sol, don't do this noww." 

That was the point that Sollux heard the gate of the cemetery creak open in the near distance and the sound of hurried footsteps. Nobody ever hurried through graveyards so his head snapped up and Eridan turned just in time to see both of their therapists approaching. How had they known?

"Eridan, we came as soon as we got your message." That answers that question. And Sollux supposed that he should be hurt that his boyfriend had called his therapist on him but there was something relieving about seeing Kurloz there. Kurloz could hold him back if he lost it or if things went wrong. Vantas... He was less happy to see Vantas, that guy was annoying as fuck. Thankfully, Vantas kept his distance and stayed by Eridan, staring in bewilderment at his bloody face and broken glasses. 

"Sollux, everything's okay. You know that, right?" 

"If everything'th okay, why are you here?" He could hear Eridan's hurried conversation with his own therapist too, ("he told me about his girlfriend. Oh my god, Kankri, he thinks he killed someone. He thinks he's killin' me."), and it made his heart jolt offbeat in his chest. Bang, bang, bang. He pressed his forehead to his knees and prayed that this would all just go away so that he didn't have to deal with their questions. 

"Brother, we need to get you out of the cold. Take you somewhere warm." 

"I'm thlipping." Sol blurted out. 

"What?" 

"KZ, I'm thlipping." He groaned, "My brain ith beginning to hurt." 

"That's why we need to take you home, brother. Let me help you up." Kurloz takes his left arm and Eridan takes his right and between them, they manage to haul him to his feet and begin to drag him away. For the second time in the last hour, Sollux begins to sob again and Eridan shushes him gently. He knows they're all talking to him but their voices sound faraway and he can only focus on the sound of his feet against the snow. Slush, slush, slush. That's a lot calmer than the worried voices. 

He's helped into the back of a car- maybe Vantas's?- and buckled in by his boyfriend, who kisses him gently on his cheek and whispers reassuring words into his ear. And he toys with a strand of Sollux's hair, tucking it back behind his ear before sitting beside him. The car moves out and suddenly, he's frightened and he wants to scream. He doesn't scream but he must make some noise because Eridan starts gently petting his hair and telling him how much he loves him. 

"Aradia!" Sollux chokes out. All he can remember is how they were sitting in the car and they were having such a great time, screeching down roads a million miles faster than they should have. Aradia had always loved it, she'd always been smiling. She liked to live every moment of her life like it was the last and he thought that was wonderful and he'd agreed with her that they should carpe diem the fuck out of everything. And he remembered how quickly her delight turned to terror and her whoops had quickly turned to screams. The car swerved and Sollux realised he'd yelled in panic. 

"Sol-" 

"I fucking killed her!" He can't stop seeing it now; her eyes, her smile, her fear and her corpse. Oh god, he'd seen her corpse. Her broken body and he'd seen it, he remembered that now. And he remembered that Kurloz had to tear him away, telling him that he had to leave it. And he remembered that it had been in the paper as a car accident and Kurloz had told him to stay quiet because if anyone found out, Sollux would end up in an institute. 

"No, Sol, it wwas an accident. You couldn't have knowwn-" 

"I thaw a wall and I didn't thtop." 

"Eridan, keep him quiet. It's hard to drive like this." comes Kankri's voice from the front seat and it's not hard to tell that he's gritting his teeth. 

"How the hell could I have forgotten it?" He's shushed frantically and pulled close to Eridan, forced to bury his face in his shoulder. And he can feel everyone getting steadily frustrated with him. Guilt washes over him as he realises that he's the drowning man that the entire ship turns around for. He's the idiot that saw the iceberg and rammed the Titanic into it, taking the entire ship down with him. He's the idiot that drags the boat down with him and his friends at that. 

"Sollux." The car's stopped and he's being helped out; Kurloz gripping his hands and pulling him out, Eridan pushing him from behind and somehow they get him out of the car and lead him up the front path. Wait... They don't have a front path... 

"Thith ithn't our apartment." He says loudly. 

"It's Kankri's; his place was closest." Eridan informs him and he's helped inside. He doesn't want to go to Kankri's place. He hates Kankri. 

The apartment is pristine as expected and without a single speck of dirt. And he feels bad just for stepping inside because he's probably contaminating this entire place with filth and germs and he shouldn't be here- he needs to go home but where is home anymore? His apartment isn't home because it's full of bad memories. His old home wouldn't welcome him. He has nowhere to go. 

"I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere." He realises.

"Ya bein' silly." Eridan tells him as he helps him to an unfamiliar couch that looks a lot nicer than there's and has a lot less suspicious stains too. And he helps him lie down and that's when Sollux can't hold on anymore. He's been holding on for weeks and he can't do it anymore. He's slipping so fast that suddenly he's falling and then, he's gone. 

He wakes up much later and feels considerably groggy, a magnificent headache behind his temples and his eyes. Everything hurts. He rubs the sleep from his eyes and manages to stand on his own two feet somehow, surprised to find that he's alone and that the lights are out. It's dark but there's a light cast on the floor and he follows it to the source. One of the doors is shut but the light's on inside so he makes a beeline for it. 

"Brother, you know that you don't have to take this kind of responsibility?" Sollux freezes outside the door when he hears muffled voices on the other side of the door. It sounds like the kind of conversation that he shouldn't be overhearing so he listens intently. He can always ask for his pills in a minute.

"I'm all he's got, Kur, I can't just ditch him wwith somebody else. I lovve him." That's Eridan. 

"We know, Eridan. I know you have very strong feelings for him-" 

"Strong feelin's? That's my fuckin' boyfriend. I lovve him!" 

"Kankri was just-" 

"You wweren't there earlier. He said he livved for me." There's a long silence and the sound of Kurloz inhaling steadily. 

"It's just the way he's been speaking, brother... We're just concerned that he might try to hurt you or yourself and that you won't be able to stop him." 

"I can handle Sol!" Eridan huffed. 

"....... You haven't seen him at his worst." Huh? What does he mean? Sollux knows that he's done some pretty bad stuff during his time but he can't remember doing anything too bad to or in front of Kurloz in the past. Was this something else he'd forgotten? Like he'd forgotten Aradia? Had he done something to Kurloz too? 

"I'vve seen him durin' his bad moods many a' time actually." 

"The point still stands. Now, listen here. There are many places Sollux could go that we think would be much better for him. He could stay here, for example, and I could care for him myself." No, Sollux didn't want to stay here with Kankri; he would lose his mind within seconds, "He could go and live with Kurloz, who could do a better job of caring for him than both of us." Oh god, imagine living with his creepy therapist, "Or we could send him to some sort of hospital for professional care." No, no, no, no. 

"He doesn't need professional care! He needs me!" Sollux's hand clenched into a fist at the sound of Eridan's voice. Fuck.

"Brother, you are falling apart. We can all see it apart from you. You need to stop pushing yourself so hard to look after him. Just stand back and look at yourself for a second here, Eridan, you are crumbling apart." 

"I.... I need to sit down..." There's the sound of a seat being drawn up, the screech of wood against the tile floor. And the thump of Eridan sitting down and the sound of him breathing heavily to stop himself from crying. 

"Eridan..." 

"Just fuck off!" Eridan's voice cracks, "FUCK OFF!" There's a long moment of silence. 

"I didn't mean to upset you, brother." 

"Shut up." There's the sound of foot steps and quickly, Sollux hurried back to collapse on the couch again. He laid back down and pretended as if he hadn't moved any inch but in reality, his heart was thumping hard in his chest. Fuck, fuck, fuck. If Eridan couldn't convince him, he was going to be sent away. They thought he was crazy. Maybe he really was crazy. 

The door creaks open and the harshly bright light is turned on, footsteps pounding across the carpeted floor and Sollux found an arm slide under his back and under his legs too. Cold arms. Cold freckled arms that he knows too well. And slowly, he was lifted up and opened his eyes to find his boyfriend beginning to cry over him. His tears dripped onto Sollux's shirt. Like he'd already been taken away from him. 

"C'mon, Sol, wwe're goin' home." 

"Eridan, we can't let you take Sollux with you." Kankri says in a very business like manner, rolling the sleeves of his sweater up to his elbows; he looks absolutely exhausted, "He's not in a state to be left alone with someone as fragile as you." 

"EXCUSE ME!" Eridan looks offended, "Do you knoww wwho you're fuckin' talkin' to? I'm Eridan Ampora, second son of Cronus "Dualscar" Ampora, and heir to his empire. I wwouldn't fuckin' cross me if I wwas you. I could havve your hide, Vvantas!" And he headed for the door, only to find that Kurloz was blocking the doorway. 

"Kur, movve-" 

"Brother." Sollux has never heard Kurloz use such a harsh tone before; or has he? He isn't so sure anymore. "That man is in my medical care and I must insist you put him down before I call the cops." 

"No! He's my boyfriend! I care about him! You only care because I pay you to and I wwon't be anymore so you better move your ass before I kick it." There's the sound of Kurloz cracking his knuckles and a swing that nearly hits Eridan but he flinched back. 

"Put him down. You can only stay with him if you behave, Eridan." 

".... I hate you." Eridan huffs and hands Sollux to Kurloz like he's a parcel. And that's it, Sollux's last line of defence has crumbled and now they're probably going to send him away. 

"Pleathe don't take me away from ED." 

"See." Eridan sounds triumphant, "He wwants me!"


	9. ACT ONE: Part Nine

The weeks that pass are surprisingly stressful somehow and Eridan finds himself coming to hate his decision to call Kurloz in the first place. For starters, Kurloz and Kankri won't let him stay overnight, since they think that Eridan needs a break. Well, that's fucking bullshit, if Eridan's ever heard it. The first few nights, he puts up a fight until he's reminded that he's only allowed to stick around if he behaves himself. He sulks at that, of course, but complies because seeing his boyfriend just during daylight hours is better than never seeing him at all. After a while, he forgets about arguing and just packs up his stuff and disappears when either Kankri or Kurloz give him "the look". He huffs and he sighs but he sweeps out the door with promises that he'll be back tomorrow, Sol, don't you worry. Sollux occasionally grunts in response. 

During the daytime, Kankri works hard to get Eridan to leave too. 

"Hey, Eridan, why don't we go see that new romantic comedy that is being shown at the movie theatre? Or perhaps the documentary on the history of warfare in America? I know how much you love history-based documentaries, especially those that focus on war." 

"It's been a long time since you last went to the mall if I'm correct. Forgive me for intruding but perhaps you'd like to accompany me and advise me on what to wear. I know how much you hate my sense of style." 

"Eridan, I heard there was a new coffee shop situated on the edge of town that sounds exactly like your sort of thing. Would you perhaps like to go and purchase coffee with either me or Kurloz? I hear they have spiced lattes!" 

Each one of Kankri's offers is rebuffed with a scowl or a huff, as Eridan huddles closer to his boyfriend and does his best to ignore his therapist. He knows that Kankri is trying his hardest to make the best of a bad situation but it really isn't helping. A shopping trip or a movie isn't going to get rid of the circle of thoughts running through Eridan's head: Sollux kinda killed someone, Sollux had a girlfriend, Sollux kinda killed his girlfriend, Sollux is scared, Sollux hates me, Sollux, Sollux, Sollux AND IT DOESN'T FUCKING STOP FOR A SECOND. 

"Eridan?" 

"Wwhat?" 

"How are you feeling, if I may be so bold to ask?" 

"Imprisoned." Without another word, Eridan continues to flick through his book. Today, he is sat with Sollux as he usually is with a blanket wrapped around the two of them, and Eridan is trying hard to focus on reading his book. He's holding it at a angle where Sollux can read too but he's pretty sure his boyfriend is paying very little attention to Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. He stills checks before he turns the page. 

"Are ya done readin', Sol?" 

If he's lucky, he'll get some kind of quiet noise in response and he'll turn the page. More often than not, Sollux doesn't make a sound and continues staring blankly at the page but doesn't really look at it. It makes Eridan's heart hurt. He's just reading about Harry setting up Dumbledore's Army when suddenly, Kurloz plonks down in front of him. Eridan glances over at the clock and deems that it is in fact time for Sollux's daily therapy and medication. He knows to make himself scarce and heads into the kitchen to see what Kankri's cooking for lunch. 

Every day since they started- well, Eridan hesitates to say that they're living there but Sollux certainly is- staying with Kankri, he's lost control of all the things he normally does. Instead of giving Sollux his daily meds, it's now Kurloz's job. Instead of going to work, he has been fired despite how many times he tries to explain that his boyfriend has had a mental breakdown and he spends all his time at home moping. Instead of putting up with Cronus, he just grows angry in his presence because all of this is partially his brother's fault for putting ideas in his head. 

Eridan is pretty sure that Cronus has resorted to siphoning money off their dad in order to pay all the bills that are piling up on their welcome mat but he can't bring himself to care. None of the stuff that used to seem important seems to anymore. He wonders if this is how Sollux feels, multiplied by a billion- hopeless, useless, tired. He's been so fucking tired since he can't sleep without his boyfriend there to keep him warm. Last night, he actually resorted to climbing in with Cronus and settling against his chest. 

"Chief? If ya don't mind me askin', vwhat are ya doin'?" Cronus's words had been kinda slurred and Eridan wondered if he had been drinking again. Maybe that was what he did during the days and nights that Eridan didn't see him. 

"I'm cold, okay?" Eridan had never been able to understand why Cronus drunk but now, he thinks he might understand. He's starting to think that he might want to escape all of this for a little while. 

"Gotcha, chief." He had removed Eridan's glasses and put them aside, ruffling a hand through his younger brother's hair, "You knovw you can talk to me, right?" 

"I knoww. I just don't knoww wwhat to say." Cronus smelt like alcohol and cigarettes and some weird cologne and just generally of wannabe but Eridan hadn't cared. It was nice not to feel totally alone for once. 

He couldn't believe how much had changed, as he got up and left his boyfriend with the creepy mime dude, and headed into the kitchen. And he knows this is all his fault. Sollux must be so fucking mad at him. 

"Eridan!" His therapist looks delighted to see him. 

"Afternoon, Kan." Eridan says flatly. 

"No change in Sollux, I see." Kankri sounds bright, as he stirs something in a pan. 

Eridan approaches. "Wwhat are wwe eatin'?" 

"Pasta. You like pasta, right, Eridan?" 

"I ain't got no hatred towwards pasta." 

"That's good to hear." When he's close enough, Eridan finds an arm patting him on the back, "I know it must be hard for you to deal with this-" 

"I literally deal wwith this evvery feww wweeks." 

"I meant, having Sollux away from home for once. I know how close you are." 

"Wwe're datin'." 

"I know." Kankri's bright look has faded and he now has one of a teacher trying to put up with an exceptionally difficult fifth grader; it's a look Eridan sees a lot, "I've known that for a while, Eridan. You were ecstatic when you told me. I remember. You were excited because, in your words, "a cute boy had offered to take you out to a coffeeshop". Things are a little different now, though, aren't they?" 

"Mhm." 

"You didn't know living with Sollux was going to be so hard, did you?" 

Fuck, Eridan hates it when the guy is right. No, no, okay, he didn't fucking know? Kankri must know that and he hates that the guy is pushing him to say it. Before living with Sollux, he had just thought that his boyfriend was an exceptionally bright, smart individual. He didn't know that he'd be leapt on at four in the morning and asked if he wanted Sollux to build an aquarium in the living room. He didn't know he'd have to watch Sollux in pain for weeks or months at a time. He didn't know any of it. 

"Eridan, people with conditions like Sollux's can often be very hard to live with. That's why many people with bipolar have suicide attempts to their name like-" Kankri stops dead. 

"Like?" 

"I shouldn't have said anything." Kankri moves onto to draining his pasta. 

"Did Sol try to off himself?" The idea makes Eridan's mouth actually hang open in surprise. Sollux Captor is not the kind of person that tries to kill themselves, that's why. He's the kind of guy to be impulsive and spontaneous but he'd never do anything like that? Right? 

Kankri winces at his choice of words. "We... We aren't actually sure." 

"Meanin'?" 

"He won't tell us if they were intentional attempts or just things he did without thinking about the consequences." Kankri inhales sharply and turns to look at him, "This is all confidential information, of course. Stir the sauce for me, Eridan?" 

"Sometimes, I think you knoww more than you're lettin' on, Kan." He receives a sad smile.

"That's kind of my job, Eridan." For the first time, in a long time, Eridan actually looks and sees the guy behind his therapist. The man that doesn't sleep and had an abusive father and a brother with anger issues that now has to deal with Eridan's crap on top of everything else. And he feels guilty about the shit he's making the guy put up with just because he couldn't deal with Sollux throwing a fit. 

"Sorry."

"Don't be." Kankri gives him a proper smile, "You're a wonder to work with, Eridan. How are the panic attacks?" 

"Wworse." They have been getting worse ever since Sol moved in here and Eridan started to spend all his time worrying. The fears danced around and around in his head and there was nobody for him to talk to about it. His brother wouldn't understand, his brother never understood. Which was why he locked the door behind him when he headed into the bathroom and sat against the door so Cronus wouldn't bother him. 

And he'd sit there, clenching his hands into fists as the world went dizzy and he thought about how they were never going to get through this, Sollux was always going to be like this and he couldn't fucking deal with it much longer. What if Kurloz was right anyway? What if Sollux did try to hurt him? How the hell would Eridan deal with that? His boyfriend was a lot stronger than he was. He'd sit there until he passed out or forced himself to get up and go to bed. And although Cronus didn't understand what was going on, he knew it was bad. Eridan would be confronted with questions as soon as he stepped out of the bathroom. 

"Lookin' pretty pasty there, chief, you vwant me to call a doctor? Or your therapist?" 

"Vwe newver hang out as much as vwe used to, Eri. You vwanna take a seat owver here and vwe'll talk." 

But the worst thing he said: "I'm real sorry about ya boyfriend, chief." 

To which, Eridan had replied through gritted teeth: "He's not dead." Yet. And whilst he knew that Cronus was trying his hardest, he wasn't sure that he could quite understand what it was like inside Eridan's mind. He felt terrible that his brother had suddenly been forced into responsibilities that he didn't want or need. He felt bad that Cronus had to check if Eridan was eating and sleeping and not trying to drown himself in the bathtub. 

He felt bad that he was forcing the same kind of crap on Cronus and Kankri that Sollux had forced on Eridan. He felt like he'd been holding up the sky but he'd got too exhausted to hold it any longer so he'd passed it to his brother and his therapist and said: "Here. Hold this for me." 

He's pulled out of his thoughts by Kurloz entering the kitchen and informing them that Sollux has gone back to sleep. That's Eridan's cue to drop the spoon and head back to the living room but this time, Kurloz blocks the doorway and shakes his head. Looks like there won't be any sleepy cuddling today- not that Sollux ever contributed much. 

"Eridan, let him rest." 

Huff. "Kan?" 

"Yes, Eridan?" 

"Wwill you take me to the mall after lunch?" The smile that spreads across Kankri's face is incredible and makes Eridan feel glad that he decided to ask. He needs to get out of this place and away from the questioning and the sight of Sollux slumped on the couch, so why not make Kankri happy whilst he's at it? 

"Of course. Lunch is served." 

True to his word, after their explicably long and silent lunch- Sollux just stares blankly at his plate like he can't even see it- Kankri leads Eridan outside and lets him sit in the passenger seat of his car. Both of them remain quiet in the car except for the buzz of the radio, which Eridan turns off after a while. He wants it to be quiet but something seems to be bugging Kankri. 

"Eridan?" 

"Mhm?" 

"You love him, correct?" 

"Yup." He watches curiously as his therapist shifts in his seat, his grip tightening on the steering wheel. Kankri's eyes are focused straight ahead, on the road, as he speaks. 

"When did you realise that you loved him?" 

"Kankri, havve ya met someone?" 

"Maybe." A light blush spreads across Kankri's cheeks. 

"Ooh, a girl?" 

"Eridan-" 

"A boy?" 

"Eridan, please-" 

"Someone in between?" 

"Eridan!" The Cancer yells and it makes the Aquarius jolt back in surprise, "I am not having this discussion with you. Please be quiet." The car pulls into the mall parking lot and Kankri parks it before leaning forward and resting his head on steering wheel. He looks genuinely upset like Eridan had slapped him in the face instead of just asking if he liked someone. Eridan feels bad. 

"I didn't mean to upset ya, Kan."

"I am not having this discussion." Kankri repeats and he kicks the door open, climbing out and moving around to open the door for Eridan. They head into the mall together, careful to stand far enough apart that they don't look like friends. Kankri is not a fan of physical contact. He prefers talking over touching and Eridan wonders if he's got his own issues going on because of his upbringing. 

"Where to first?" Kankri looks uncomfortable. 

"You don't have to stay-" 

"I want to." He says firmly and Eridan leads him towards one of his favourite clothing stores. 

It's around the time that they're browsing through the clothes- well, Eridan is whilst Kankri looks on with very little interest- that he first begins to worry. Oh god, he can't believe he left Sollux alone. What if today is the day that Sollux finally comes around and Eridan isn't there to welcome him back? He feels an arm on his hand and realises that he's started breathing heavily and everything has started to blur. He can hear Kankri's voice whispering in his ear. 

"Eridan, you need to take deep, steady breaths you hear?" 

"What do you want me to do? Should I drive you home?" 

"Please snap out of it, you need to tell me what's wrong." 

Eridan just crumples into his arms, feeling a hundred shades of pathetic, as he's lead to a nearby bench and sat down. Surprisingly strong, Kankri forces his head between his knees for him and instructs him to breathe. He draws in long, shaky breaths as he tries to regain his composure. Fuck, people are probably looking and wondering what an adult man is doing having a breakdown at the mall like some little kid. 

"Eridan, please, talk to me." 

"Take me home." Eridan chokes out, coughing and spluttering as he forces himself to draw breath, "Kankri, I havve to see him. Take me home." He needs to see Sollux right now. 

"Are you sure? We didn't get here too long ago-" 

"Take me home, idiot!" He's got a strange sense of paranoia, like something is horribly, horribly wrong but he doesn't know what. And that's when Kankri's cell starts ringing and he pulls it out to look at it, rubbing Eridan's back with his other hand. Something is definitely wrong, Eridan's sure of it. What has Eridan fucked up now? 

"Wwhat's wwrong? Wwhat's wwrong wwith Sol?" Stupid stutter. 

"Hold on, Eridan, I'll ask." Kankri is using his therapist voice, calm and collect, pursing his lips, "Hello Kurloz. We were just about to head home, is there a problem?" He listens for a moment and Eridan can just hear the crackling sound of Kurloz talking. He can't make out the words. Very slowly, Kankri inhales and exhales and it looks like he's trying not to panic himself. And he hands the phone to Eridan. 

"Wwhat's wwrong?" Eridan demands. 

"Eridan, I don't want you to panic." 

"Too late." 

"Are you sitting down?" 

"Yes." There's a huff of breath on the other end of the line. "Are you smokin', Kur?" 

"Sollux's missing." 

After that, Kankri drives him home so fast that he's sure that they're breaking the speed limit or pushing it at the very least. Eridan sits in the back seat and stares out the window at the passing world, cursing himself for leaving. If he'd stayed home today, Sol wouldn't be missing and he wouldn't be dying inside right now. What if Sollux was in trouble? Kankri's trying to reassure him that it isn't his fault but Eridan won't buy his bullshit. He knows this is his fault. 

"Eridan, you can't control his every move-" 

"Kankri, that boy is all I havve!! Why can't you understand that? I'vve throwwn evverything awway for him! I can't just go on wwithout him, I lovve him! I don't care that he's fucked up- I am too- I lovve him!" After that, Kankri stays quiet. Possibly because Eridan is glaring at him like he means business. He hasn't been this angry and scared since college and it makes it hard to breathe. His lungs feel crushed in his chest. 

As soon as they're back, Eridan is throwing the door open and charging around with the force of a buffalo. With his therapist's help, he searches the entire neighbourhood bit by bit. They start at Kankri's house and head East, towards the graveyard. Sollux does not appear at any point and Eridan doesn't see a single sign of where he went. There's no note, no nothing. And Eridan is scared because he normally leaves a note when he goes out. 

He isn't at the graveyard but there's fresh flowers left on Aradia's grave and they're beautiful ones. Bright yellows and reds and purples and Eridan inhales sharply at the sight of them. That means that Sollux has been here- well, anyone could have left them there but he presumes it's Sollux- and they're heading the right way. They head towards the bridge. 

Kankri and Eridan knock on every single door to see if anyone has seen Sollux or any tall, biracial nerds with mismatched eyes. Nobody has. He searches frantically well into the night and doesn't bother with sleep. Instead, he calls Cronus and asks him to "please, please fuckin' help me, please". Cronus says he'll the cops and inform them that there's a missing person to look out for and then he'll start looking. That proves Sollux hasn't gone home. 

"Eridan, there's no use looking anymore." Kankri says around three in the morning, though time has quickly become meaningless because there is only searching and looking and hoping and crossing his fingers and praying to a god that Eridan didn't even believe in because he needed Sollux to be okay, "It's too dark, we won't be able to find it." 

"Wwe havve to keep lookin'." Eridan insists, "You said it yourself, he's hurt himself before. Wwhat if this is like that? Wwhat if he's out there and scared and lonely and thinkin' the bad thoughts and wwe aren't there to talk him dowwn?" 

"Eridan, I said he's pulled some stunts before. I did not say he's suicidal." 

"Kurloz told me about the shit he pulled wwith the car that night. And wwhat Sol said backed him up." It had taken a lot of probing to get any information out of Kurloz but he'd managed to find out that Sollux had crashed a car intentionally, cracking his rib in the process. 

"What do you mean?" 

"He wwas in control both times he crashed the car. He knew he could'vve died but he did it anywway."

"........ Eridan, I'm not sure you quite understand Sollux's past trauma." 

"The fuck does that mean?" 

"Just promise me that when Sollux is feeling up to it, you'll ask him about his parents. And about his brother." 

"He doesn't like to talk about it." 

"Exactly." That takes a moment to sink in and Eridan slowly puts the pieces together. Sollux had been adopted by his dads when he was five, which means something must have happened to his original parents. He'd never thought about that. 

"Wwhat if wwe don't find him?" 

"We will." Kankri said firmly, "I'm sure of it. He can't have gone too far in his lethargic state. And as stupid as that man is, I don't think he'd ever leave you." They continue for a while longer, walking in silence and listening to the sound the slushy remains of the snow made under their feet. 

"Happy Christmas, by the way." Kankri says and for a minute, Eridan wonders if his therapist has lost it. Then, he adds up the days and weeks and realises that he's right. Of course he's right. He was much too caught up in shit to realise but he checks his phone and it is, indeed, Christmas Day. He can't believe they all missed it. He can't believe he missed it after he spent so long looking forward to it. He bought Christmas presents weeks and weeks in advance and he was going to ask Feferi to stay and Kankri to visit and Eridan was going to cook and- 

This was going to be his first ever Christmas with Sollux and he was determined to make it a proper one with a proper meal and proper presents and a proper tree. It wasn't going to be like Christmas at home, which was awful but he had to pretend he loved because his dad was terrifying. 

Those had been years of expensive but pointless presents and executive parties and his dad showing him off to his work clients as a model son and he'd played along with all of it. And Cronus would try to kiss people under the mistletoe all evening and Eridan would end up going to bed early because he felt sick from all the Christmas cake he ate. He just wanted a proper Christmas with his family. But his family were difficult. His dad didn't even go in for "that Santa Claus nonsense" so they never got stockings. Other kids thought Eridan was weird because of it. 

This Christmas was supposed to make up for all the bad ones in the past. In the morning, there would be stockings and presents and chocolates. Then, they'd have lunch and Feferi would go shopping with him afterwards to spend money they'd got. And Eridan would finally get to visit Sollux's family and they'd hang out with them a while. In the evening, there would be warm drinks and Christmas carols and everybody getting a little bit drunk. He'd spend time with Fef and Sol and maybe even Cro. Maybe Kankri could win a kiss under the mistletoe with whoever it was he liked and everything would be perfect. That was what Eridan had wanted. 

Instead, he was walking all over town at three in the morning and looking for his missing boyfriend without a clue as to where he'd gone. Cronus was worried about him. Eridan hadn't spoken to Feferi in months. Kankri had been dragged out here with him. Kurloz was probably high as hell somewhere. The only time he might meet his boyfriend's family at this point might be at Sollux's funeral. He sighed loudly. 

"Happy Christmas, Kan." He forced himself to smile at him and his therapist pulls him in for a rare and quick hug, before drawing back. The gesture is much appreciated. 

"I was thinking that maybe once this is all over, we could have sort of a late Christmas. A joint party for it and New Year." Kankri said and Eridan could tell he'd been thinking it over whilst they were walking, "Something relaxing. I'd love it if you and Sollux could come. It's not much of a party with just me and Kurloz." 

"Sure, Kan." 

"I was thinking that I might also ask my brother if he can visit. And perhaps he could bring the boyfriend he's been telling me so much about. And Kurloz could ask his brother and you could invite Feferi. And maybe Porrim could come with her sister. That sounds more like a party." 

"You knoww, I nevver wwould have pegged you as a party guy." Eridan raises an eyebrow. 

"To tell you the truth, I've never been to one." Kankri admits with a shrug. 

"No wway." He chuckles. 

"Hey, maybe you could even bring your brother and-" It's a very strange request and Eridan is about to question it when his phone phone buzzes in his hand. 

From Sollux to Eridan:  
ed help

Kankri is still chattering non-stop about Christmas and about Christmas parties and all the people he could invite when Eridan's legs turned to jelly beneath him and he collapses onto the sidewalk.


	10. ACT ONE: Part Ten

Right now, Sollux doesn't know too much. 

He isn't really sure what's going on or where he is or if he's going to die. 

God, he hopes he doesn't die because they'll write in the report that it was suicide. 

It wasn't suicide. 

Perhaps it could be considered an attempt but he got cold feet last minute. 

He'd been feeling so cold and alone so he had headed for the bridge. 

The bridge in their town was kind of a big thing as they didn't have any other landmarks. 

It's quite high and quite big and Sollux had always liked the idea of jumping off it. 

At least, it's more dramatic than drinking paint thinner anyway. 

So, he had headed out here and stood at the edge looking over it. 

He might have been drunk. Or high. Or something like that. Or maybe just fucked up. 

His head was pretty fucked up, he knew that. 

Anyway, he can remember looking over the edge and thinking "oh". 

Thinking "wow, I could jump off right now and all my problems would be over". 

Damnit, he should have left a note; he never left a note. 

Oh man, he should have left a note for his parents or Eridan or whoever. 

He was such an ass. 

A note hadn't seemed important at the time. 

All that had seemed important was thinking that he wanted to die. 

And then, he jumped off the bridge. 

He had fallen about five feet when he realised it was a bad decision to do that. Stupid idea. 

The water didn't look too appealing and he didn't really want to fall asleep and never wake up. 

Fuck, he should have left a note for Eridan. 

He can remember falling but he can't remember if he screamed or not. 

What he can remember is regretting doing it but it was too late to change his mind. 

And he hit the water hard and that was the last thing he could remember. 

He thinks he might be dead right now actually. 

Because he can't swim and he forgot about breathing a while ago. 

Everything hurts and it's so cold and he wonders if this is purgatory. 

God, what if he spends the rest of eternity like this? 

He didn't even leave a note for Eridan. 

Sollux was a terrible boyfriend.


	11. ACT ONE: Part Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for: discussion of suicide, referenced suicide attempts, suicide attempts, shit like that.

He isn't sure when they stopped searching but he has vague memories of strong arms carrying him back to Kankri's late in the night. Or perhaps it was early in the morning; everything is still a little fuzzy without his morning coffee. Where the hell is his morning coffee? He couldn't go back to his apartment, knowing that Sollux might never be coming home. He thinks he might have whimpered as much when Kankri spoke of taking him home. 

"Kankri, can I havve some coffee?" 

Because this is his strict therapist, he's expecting some kind of lecture on the evils of coffee and how it poisons not just the body but also the soul. He pleasantly surprised when Kankri just gives him a look of disapproval and gets to work making coffee. He thinks that Kankri just enjoys having something to do and something to work on. It makes him feel like he's helping, Sollux thinks. 

Currently, Eridan is sat at the kitchen table and it's the morning after Christmas but they aren't playing board games or comparing gifts because everybody is much too panicked to even remember shit like that. Kurloz has Sollux's parents on the phone and is telling them what's happened but not to worry, there's still hope. 

"Yes, I understand that you're concerned, Mr Captor, but I can assure you that we've been out all night looking for him. And Kankri's going to report him as missing to the police. I promise we'll find him, we always do. He always comes home. Keep an eye out for him at home, I'll call you when we've got some more news."

Whilst pouring coffee, Kankri is also on the phone and talking about a million miles a minute to some poor sap in the police department. He's getting really frustrated and Eridan can tell because his hands are beginning to flap about furiously as he talks. As for Cronus, Eridan isn't sure if his brother is conscious or not but he's certainly flopped across the couch and breathing. Breathing is good. 

When the phone calls finally end, the room is strangely quiet and Eridan finds his gaze dropping to the table as he sips his coffee. His hands aren't the only part of his body that's shaking with nerves this time. He'll be lucky if he doesn't have some kind of meltdown this morning. A large hand claps him on the back and makes him wince. 

"We'll find him, brother." Kurloz says but somehow, it isn't reassuring. There's something about the tone of his deep and creepy sounding voice that makes Eridan think that the therapist is doubtful they will find him. What if they don't? 

"Has this happened before?" Eridan asks and Kurloz's grip tenses. 

"Eridan, that's classified- holy shit, you already told him!" Eridan's gaze snaps to where Kankri is shifting from foot to foot and mumbling something sheepishly. The other therapist is glaring at him and with his smeared make-up and tired eyes looks less threatening than he'd like to think. From across the room, there's a groan as Cronus rises and turns to them. He also looks exhausted. They all look exhausted. Eridan feels like he's being a problem. 

"Novw, you listen here, chief." Cronus is poking a finger at Kurloz, slurring his words together as he talks, "You ovwe us some fuckin' information here. My brother's boyfriend is missin' and I vwant to knovw some shit." He swaggers over and collapses in the seat beside Eridan. 

When he was younger, Eridan shared his brother's confidence and arrogance. He was a fucking asshole to absolutely everyone and loved making a scene in public for everyone to watch- Eridan has the prissy rich kid act down pat. Now, he just envied his brother's confidence from a close distance and wished that he was brave enough to push Kurloz for details. Cronus is still glaring, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth as it usually is, and his arms folded on the table. Even with his disheveled hair and the fact that he lost his contacts early so he's wearing his old glasses, Cronus looks almost scary. 

Across the kitchen, Kankri looks ready to faint for whatever reason but Eridan doesn't bother to pay attention to him. Cronus pushes his glasses higher up on his nose, scrunching his nose up to keep them in place. Now, there's the nerd that Eridan used to know and love. Part of him wonders why Cronus changed so much but the other part feels like he's already beginning to understand. 

"Fine." Kurloz gives in, breaking eye contact and turning away; he digs out his own cigarettes and lights one, inhaling from it before continuing. Smoke blows in Eridan's face and makes him want to cough. He doesn't. "What do you want to know, brother?" 

"Suicide attempts. Howw many havve there been?" Eridan's voice quakes and he shivers just at the words. His brother, frowning at him, suddenly softens and reaches over so he can hold Eridan's hand under the table. Eridan squeezes gratefully. 

"As of date, there's only been five that we can be sure were attempts to take his own life." Kurloz says slowly, huffing out smoke as he exhales, "Five he's admitted to, at least."

"Fivve." says Eridan in a very quiet voice. 

"The last two car crashes; one alone, one with Aradia." Kurloz is counting them on his fingers, "Two attempts of wrist slitting in high school." Eridan inhales sharply, "And one time that he intentionally overdosed on sleeping pills. He was very lucky we got an ambulance to him before they could take effect." He waggles five fingers at them and smiles a sick kind of smile. 

Eridan. "I had no fuckin' idea." 

Cronus. "Ambulance?" 

"Sollux is an interesting case..." Kurloz pauses for a fraction too long and the words hang in the air, "He... The attempts are intentional but he gets cold feet minutes or even seconds after. He changes his mind is what I mean to say. That's not something you see very often. It's a good sign, of course, that he doesn't really want to kill himself but it's worrying that he keeps trying." 

"They tend to take place just before or after his downswings, when he's feeling depressed but more inclined to do something about it. He normally calls me.... I don't understand why he hasn't called me...." Kurloz sighs and this time, Cronus scowls as smoke fills the room. What a fucking hypocritical piece of shit. 

"Jeez, Kur, don't smoke around the kid." 

"I'm not a fuckin' kid, Cro." 

"I'm not going to apologise but I will remove myself. It's the stress. I'll go stand outside." Kurloz moves from where he's been leaning against the kitchen counter and heads for the door, "Kankri, you can answer their questions." 

"I have permission?" 

"Yes." 

"Thank you." Kankri says, staring after his friend as he shuts the door behind him, "Would you like me to fill you in on anything else, Eridan? Cronus?" 

Eridan. "No." 

Cronus. "Yes." 

"Go ahead, Cronus." 

"Vwhat the creepy asshole vwas sayin' about Sollux callin' him. The fuck is that about?" 

For whatever reason, Kankri takes this as an excuse to sit down at the table and stare across at them. And he looks them over, his eyes lingering on Cronus a little longer than they needed to, before sighing loudly. He brushes a strand of loose hair back into place and it occurs to Eridan that he's never seen his therapist looking so helpless before. He looks like he could fall apart at the seams any minute. 

"Sollux has instructions to call Kurloz whenever something's wrong." He points at Eridan, "You know that. What you probably don't know is that Sollux calls him constantly. Almost every week or so. Normally very early in the morning and more often than not, Kurloz has to go pick him up from somewhere. It... It takes a lot out on Kurloz." 

"Almost evvery wweek?" Eridan thinks his mouth is hanging open. 

"Yes. Sometimes, he calls him day after day after day when he's feeling particularly low." Kankri says, "Sollux reminds Kurloz of his brother, that's the only reason he puts up with his bullshit." Eridan has never heard his therapist swear. 

"Kur has a brother?" Eridan didn't know this. 

"Had." Kankri corrects before hastily moving on, "Anything else you wanted to know?" He looks between them again and when neither of them respond, he summons up a smile, "So, who wants eggnog? It's still Christmas season after all." 

"I'd prefer somethin' to drink, if ya dig." Cronus quirks an eyebrow at him and drops Eridan's hand abruptly. 

"Cronus, I don't keep alcohol in my house." Kankri's still smiling, "I don't drink." This makes Cronus splutter in surprise and blink at him. 

"You don't?" 

"My father drinks a lot, so I've grown to be rather against it." Oh, right. Eridan had completely forgotten about Kankri's dad being some abusive asshole, "I have had a lot of bad experiences because of him drinking alcohol. I'm thinking of starting an anti-drinking campaign actually..." 

"Right..." 

"So... Eggnog?" Eridan recognises the way that Cronus is looking at Kankri and it makes him squirm in his seat. Ew, Cronus, no. He's practically undressing him with his eyes. That's enough for Eridan, who gets to his feet and heads out to join Kurloz so he can avoid the awkward attempts of flirting in the kitchen. He's seen his brother flirt before and it's borderline painful. 

He heads out the door and is unsurprised to find that Kurloz is smoking on the porch and the smell of smoke is strong even with the strong breeze. Instantly, he finds a packet of cigarettes being held under his nose and Kurloz almost smiling at him. Almost being the key word, as it's almost a twisted smirk. 

"I don't normally advise smoking but you look like you could need one." 

"No, I don't- hey!" He takes the pack and studies it for a moment, "Sol keeps some of these in his desk drawwer." He knows he's seen them before when he was rootling around looking for Sol's scientific calculator. He didn't know that they were cigarettes. He's never seen Sollux smoke one. Kurloz doesn't seem impressed by this revelation. 

"Take one." 

"I don't smoke." 

"Colour me impressed. Judging by your brother in there, I had your entire family pegged as drunken, smoking lowlifes." 

"Nah, that's just Cro." 

"Why'd you come out here then?" 

"I think Cronus might be flirtin' wwith Kankri." 

"Gross." 

"I think Kankri's flirtin' back." 

"Disgusting." 

"It's a goddamn freaking flirtfest." 

"Mhm." 

"D'you think he killed Aradia?" The question out of nowhere startles Kurloz, which is exactly what he'd planned. Eridan has found over the years that casually slipping things into conversation when people aren't expecting him to can normally win him the answers. 

"What?" 

"Sol. Do you think he killed her?" 

"It was an accident." 

"But do you think he did it?" 

"Define accident, brother!" Kurloz steps forward, an unusual glare on his face, and Eridan steps back instinctively. And he smacks directly into Kankri, making the man flinch. Looking up at his therapist, Eridan realises that not only is Kankri chewing his lip nervously but he also holding the phone in his hand. He's holding it a lot tighter than he's holding himself together. When did he get out here? The door is swinging. 

"Kankri?" Kurloz picks up on it too, "Is something wrong?" 

"They think they might have found Sollux." Kankri's tone makes Eridan's heart leap into his throat. As does the hand that comes to rest on his shoulder. It's almost funny because Kankri is much shorter than him and has to reach in order to put his hand there but it's not funny in the situation. 

"They think?" 

And then, Kankri takes Eridan gently by the arm and tries to lead him back inside, into the warm. Eridan slaps him away, too terrified to be taken inside and sat down for this. He wants to know what's going on and he wants to know right damn now. Kankri seems to understand and let's out another one of his long exaggerated sighs. He sounds like he's hurting. 

"Eridan, they want to know if you can identify his body." 

"Wwhat?"

"Listen, Eridan, let me explain; they've found the body-" a body? "- of a young dark male in the river and they're wondering if it's Sollux. Nothing has been confirmed yet but- Eridan? ERIDAN!" It was too late, he was already running, "ERIDAN!" 

The air is freezing around him as he runs as fast as he can, huffing and puffing frantically, and he's cold as he usually is. He's kind of fucked up like that. He's always kinda cold and Sollux always complains about it when they cuddle, ("God, you're tho fucking cold"). But Sollux is always exceptionally warm and works well as a space heater when he's curled around Eridan. Under blankets, they're very warm together. 

He's not warm now, he's freezing, and he's alone and he doesn't even know where he's going until he reaches the spot that him and Kankri were talking at last night. He's not going to do anything stupid. He just needs space and time and God, he needs to think because his brain is buzzing with thoughts but they aren't fucking processing. Oh god. Everything in his brain has come to a total fucking standstill and he's scared, so scared. 

"Oh my fuckin' God!" 

Sollux can't be dead, he just can't be. People like Sollux Captor don't just die. People like him are supposed to be the kind that live forever and never seem to get any older. Oh god, there was so much shit they never got to do. They never got married, they never had children, they never got enough money to stop being poor, fuck, Eridan never even got to replace his boyfriend's crappy laptop. They'd never even had Christmas together. And now, they never would. Now, they were never, ever going to have Christmas together. 

Because Sollux was gone!

"Jesus Christ, Sol! Howw could you do this to me?" 

He's about to tear up onto the bridge when he spots something out of the corner of his eye. Something large and dark floating in the water and it makes him swallow hard. Is that.... Fuck, it must be... He knows that beautiful broken body anywhere and- and-

That's his boyfriend. 

How can it be? Didn't they already find Sollux crumpled and dead somewhere? Wasn't Eridan going to identify the body? How could Sollux be here? 

There's not much time to ponder though because he's half-falling, half-stumbling down the slopes bank towards the river. The closer he gets, the more obvious it is that it's Sollux. He knows the scruffy died blonde hair that needs to be cut because the colour has all but grown out by this point. He knows the darkish skin that comes from being mixed race. He knows the hideous clothes that he won't let Eridan replace. And as he tears down the bank towards his boyfriend, he wonders how long he's been in the water. 

Eridan used to swim a lot when he was younger and his father always drummed safety rules into him. That the longer a body is unconscious in the water, the less likely it is to survive. That hitting the water from a long way away is like hitting cement and that ice cold water can kill you if you're in it for even a short amount of time. Actually, Eridan learnt the latter from Titanic. Either way, Sollux could be dead or dying and that makes his heart pound frantically as he rushed to the water.

Risking his own life is stupid, he knows that, but there's nowhere near enough time to call an ambulance because it could already be too late. He needs to get Sollux out of the water and he needs to get him out of there right fucking now. 

He dives in headfirst after Sollux and kicks his way frantically through the filthy water. Oh, please, please, please don't let him be dead. Eridan can't handle something like that. He needs Sollux to live. For a moment, he thinks he's lost his place and has to force his head above the water. He recognises the crumpled body falling away through the water and he gasps in air before dipping under the water. 

He grabs hold of Sollux easily, grabbing him by his arm but it's harder to drag him through the thick and heavy water. Eridan has to push hard against the force of the water and even then, the surface of the water looks so far away and he's running out of air. His lungs hurt in his chest and everything starts to blur and Sollux is pulling him down with him. He opens his mouth for air and chokes on the water. 

Finally, he manages to kick them both to the surface and he's heaving as he drags Sollux to the bank. And he retches hard to force the water back out of his lungs and onto the icy ground, one hand pushing on his chest to get that foul water the fuck out of his body. Fuck. What would his father say if he knew that Eridan was swallowing filthy river water, cradling a commoner in his arms? 

Once he can breathe steadily again, he pulls Sollux onto his lap and hammers him frantically on the back. He's not sure he's breathing. Fuck, what if he's dead? 

Thankfully, as Eridan slams his fist into his back, his boyfriend finally makes a wheezing noise and splutters back to life on his lap. His breathing is shaking and unsteady but he doesn't care because Sollux is at least alive. Logical thinking kicks in and Eridan calls 911 and he pulls Sollux into a tight hug. 

"Hello. What emergency service you requiring?" The voice sounds strangely out of place- somebody speaking broken English, he thinks. 

"Fuck. Help, fuck." Eridan can't help himself as he starts sobbing into Sollux's shoulder, "Fuck, we need an ambulance. My boyfriend, he... He... Fuck...." 

"Sir, if you try keep calm-" 

"I'm not calm! Fuckin' send help. That's your shitty job, isn't it? Send us help. I don't wwant him to die-" 

"Listen, sir." The voice cuts across firmly, breathing heavily into the phone, "My name Damara. Tell me about boyfriend, yes? I know bout boyfriends. I have many. He breathing?" 

"Just about." 

"You outside, yes? By bridge?" They must be tracking the call. 

"Yeah." 

"Ambulance be there very soon. Cause of accident?" 

"I think... I think it was an attempted suicide." His voice cracks badly and the lady on the other end inhales sharply, "Please don't take him awway..." 

"My sister die same way. I think. I cannot know for sure. But it okay, sir. We save your boyfriend. Can I get a name please?" 

"It's Eridan Ampora. My boyfriend's Sollux Captor." There's another sharp inhale on the other end of the phone line and Eridan thinks she might actually be smoking. The irony of somebody killing themselves with cigarettes whilst saving a life is incredible. 

"I know the small Captor boy. Funny in head. Ambulance be there very soon. I save him, yes? I save him because I no save Aradia." 

Eridan thinks it might be because he's sopping wet mid-winter but he swears to God that his heart turns cold in his chest. Small world. His lungs are cold too and then his shoulders and then he's curled up on the ice with his boyfriend. The world spins. 

"Sir? Sir? We lose you? You there? Mr Eridan?" 

"Fuck."


	12. THE INTERMISSION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we have our first intermission from the point of view of Mituna Captor.

The whole week had been rather strange with his dads whispering to each other and using their concerned faces and occasionally glancing at the phone like they were expecting it to ring but jolting in surprise whenever it did. Mituna found himself getting rather confused by the solemness and seriousness of the entire house and then found himself feeling quite distressed about it. More than once, Dad Two had to calm him down and bribe him into behaving because the quietness was making Mituna "act up". 

There had been days when there was no talk over the canned spaghetti that somehow Dad One had managed to burn- why could nobody in this house fucking cook?- except for Mituna slurping loudly and his dads saying "no, Tuna, don't do that" and him saying "fuck you" and them saying "Tuna, please it's a difficult time". And he'd be like "what do you mean?" and they'd say "never mind, you're excused" and Mituna was allowed to go play Pokémon. 

He fucking loved playing Pokémon and so did Tulip and that's why they were the bestest boyfriend and girlfriend forever, no backsies. Mituna had been dating Latula for as long as he could remember- and according to her, even before that! According to Latula, they'd been dating even before the accident. Which means they must have been dating since third grade! But whenever he asked about back then, she got all awkward and didn't like to talk about it. He wasn't really sure why. 

As mentioned, things were already pretty weird that week and Mituna had lots to say about it when Latula and the tiny Latula came over to play. Both Latula and tiny Latula (who he had affectionately dubbed because Terezi was much too hard for him to say or even bother remembering) lived quite far away so they didn't get to come over more than once a week. They lived way over on the other side of the city, where all the rich people lived. Mituna missed Latula when she wasn't around. 

But the days that they did come over were the best days of the whole week because Latula was the coolest and her sister was okay-ish, Mituna guessed. Tiny Latula was pretty smart for a blind kid and whenever she came over, they had to talk about law and college and degrees over dinner which kinda sucked. But whatever, Mituna still liked the tiny Latula a lot. She was a pretty cool chick and quite funny and she kinda came with Latula as a package deal so he had to put up with her. 

Sometimes, he even patted her on the head which was a pretty big deal since he didn't really like to do touching and the like. He thought it was gross so only his family was allowed close and Latula when she was having sex with him all over his bed, awwww yeah. They did that a lot actually and it the greatest. She didn't even mind him literally drooling over her boobs and she giggled a lot which was nice to hear. 

Anyway, Mituna had lots to say to Tula and her tiny, chubby sister when they came over to visit and was all over them as soon as they walked in the door, babbling on and on about how everybody- AKA HIS DADS, COUGH, COUGH- was acting super weird but nobody would tell him what was going on. And he touched Latula over and maybe even copped a feel of her boobs, fuck yeah, boobs were awesome. And Latula had hella good boobs. 

She didn't seem to mind though because she laughed and then he repeated his statement that nobody would tell him what was going on and she looked maybe a little sad for the moment. And she patted him on the head and was like, "maybe it doesn't involve you Mituna, maybe it's about somebody else this time" and he wondered what she meant by that but then she said "lets go play Pokémon" and he was like "fuck yeah". And he wondered why she was doing the same face his dads kept doing and wondered if she knew what the hell was going on down here in crazy town AKA Mituna's house. 

So, they just kinda chilled like they usually did and Mituna kicked ass so hard that he was beginning to wonder if Latula was just letting him win. Not that it wasn't a nice thing for her to do but it would be kinda insulting if she was. What a huge mega bitch. Haha, no, Latula was the fucking greatest, he loved her. Just to prove it, he tackled her and planted sloppy kisses all over her until she started laughing so hard that she stopped trying to push him off. And she was like "you're adorable" and Mituna was like "fuck you, I'm thexy" and his dads were like "Mituna please behave" and he was like "I am behaving, JETHUTH". 

Then, they got to have dinner and it was pizza night, which was super duper exciting. Mituna was practically bouncing up and down in his seat with excitement because it was pizza night and he got halfway through his before Dad Two patted him on the shoulder and told him to slow down because he was gonna choke. And Mituna was all like "that's what she said" and then he started to choke and tiny Latula had to hammer him on the back and he ended up spitting a lot. Tiny Latula also ended up spitting a lot but that was because she was screeching with laughter. 

He'd just started breathing properly again when the phone rang and his dads both rushed to answer it and he raised an eyebrow at Latula like "THEE, I TOLD YOU THEY WERE ACTING FUCKING WEIRD". And then, his dad shushed him because they were acting all concerned like by the phone and he wondered if it was the insurance man calling again. Goddamn, he hated the insurance guy. Or guys. Girls. He hated people that phoned to advertise insurance, period. 

He always picked up the phone and screamed "NO, I DON'T WANT INTHURANCE, THITH ITHN'T MONOPOLY" at them because they frustrated him. And then, he'd laugh. Then, he'd have to apologise because it normally wasn't the insurance people and "thorry grandma, I really didn't mean to yell at you about inthurance and whatever". 

This clearly wasn't the insurance people though because when Dad Two hung up the phone, he walked back to the table with a very, very serious look on his face. And tiny Latula was like "what's wrong?" and Latula was like "is it Sollux?" and Mituna was like "THOLLUXTH WATH ON THE PHONE" and Dad One was like no. And he explained that Sollux was poorly and had gone to hospital and that they had to go see him. And Mituna was like "Right now?" And they were like "Yeah, now." And Mituna was like "But it'th pizza night." And his dad was like, "Mituna, this is important. We have to go see your brother. Get your shoes." 

So, Latula helped Mituna put his shoes on and all of them- Dad One, Dad Two, Mituna, Latula and tiny Latula- piled into the car to go visit Sollux at the hospital. The hospital wasn't too far away so Mituna wasn't lodged between the two Pyropes for very long because they were what his old friend Rufioh would call "bangin'". Meaning Mituna would bang them. Hehehehe. And then, they got to the hospital and they headed inside and Mituna occupied himself with scribbling on the desk lady's notepad whilst his dads did the talking bit. Wherever they went, there was always a long talking bit. 

Eventually, the boring talking bit was over and they got to go down the shiny corridors where everything was white and smelled like rubber and Latula held Mituna's hand because she doesn't like hospitals because her mom's in one. Probably this one actually, it's the only hospital in their city weirdly enough. Mituna was like "Ith your mom dying thomewhere in thith hothpital?" And Latula was like "Yup." And Dad Two was like "Hey, you must be Kurloz." Because a creepy guy was waiting for them in a shiny corridor. 

And Mituna was like "Woah." Latula was like "Hella, woah." And they just kind of stood and stared at this guy who obviously thought he was going to some kind of convention because nobody should wear facepaint like that on a normal day. And the Kurloz guy kinda smiled at him and was like "You must be Mituna." And Mituna was totally like "Yup." And the guy was like "I'm Kurloz." And Mituna was like "Double yup. Are you dreththed for the thkeleton war?" And Kurloz just stared at him in a very funny way that suggested he did not understand memes at all. What a total fucking loser. 

And then, this other guy came out of a room and just kinda stared at them before hurrying over and introducing himself as Eridan Ampora. Mituna told him he sounded and looked like a fucking nerd and Latula swatted him on the arm and hissed "Tuna." at him in a way that suggested he'd said the wrong thing. The Eridan guy laughed and he shook everybody's hand in turn, even tiny Latula's but Mituna backed away before they could touch and he could get nerd cooties. 

He cowered from him with Latula as a human-shield. Mituna has never been much of a fan of touching and tends to cover every single inch of his skin to avoid making contact with other people. His doctor says that he might adjust one day but he really doubts it somehow. Also, his doctor is a moron so what does he know? Huh? HUH? 

Dad One was like "Mituna's a little sensitive." And Dad Two was like to Mituna "Eridan is Sollux's boyfriend". And Mituna was like "Huh." because he had no idea that his brother was into nerds. Wow, what a fucking loser. He had to tease him about that sometime. And then Dad One was all like "Do you wanna go see Sollux now, Mituna?" And Mituna was like "Yeththththththth." And managed to spray spit all over The Eridan Guy, which was totally hilarious.

So, they headed into the hospital room and Sollux was all lying on the bed and looking all sick but not in a good kind of way. It wasn't sick like Mituna's sick moves, it was sick like he looked like he was going to puke. And he was shivering. Any way, Mituna leapt on top of him to hug him and Sollux smiled just a little bit at him and Dad One told Mituna to get up because he was going to hurt Sollux but Sollux was like "It'th cool." And Mituna was like "Your boyfriend ith a fucking nerd." And Sollux was like "Yeah, I know." 

"I really mithth you when you're not at home." Mituna told him.

"I mithth you too, Tuna. Who am I gonna game with now?" 

"Your lother boyfriend?" 

"He doethn't really game." 

"Ditch him, Sol." Sollux flinched at his words, "Will you come thee me more often, Tholluxth?" 

"'Courthe I will." 

"Love you." 

"I love you too, MT, you thappy fuck." 

After that, Dad One and Dad Two were like "Mituna, you need to go and wait outside with the others while we talk to Sollux about important stuff." And Mituna was like "Well, that thuckth ballth." Because he'd barely gotten to talk to his brother before they kicked him out but whatever and he went back out into the corridor and Latula and tiny Latula were gone somewhere so he was stuck with the Eridan Guy and the Kurloz Guy and both of them were looking at him. He shifted uncomfortably. 

The Kurloz guy started talking to him and asking him questions that Mituna answered easy and then some harder questions that he didn't really know the answers to so he just made shit up. It seemed to satisfy Kurloz though, who smiled at him and ruffled his hair which made Mituna screech at him because nobody is allowed to touch. But Kurloz kept doing it, running his hands through his hair gently until Mituna succumbed and sat on his lap and whined. And Mituna was like "I have a girlfriend." And Kurloz was like "That's okay, I don't want to date you." Which was good enough for Mituna. 

Later, after the Kurloz guy had to go, the Eridan guy came over and started talking to him instead. And Mituna told him all about Latula and Pokémon and Sollux and tiny Latula and now weird everything was around here until the cows came home, which is to say that he talked for a really long time. And the Eridan Guy smiled at him and said that they were totally like brothers now and Mituna was all like "Really?" And the Eridan Guy was like "Yeah, fuckin' brothers an' shit." He had a really funny accent. 

Then, Mituna's dads came back to take him home- ABOUT FUCKING TIME- and Mituna told them all about the weird people that he had been talking to and they were like "That's cool, Tuna." Because they weren't really listening. And then Mituna was like "Ith Tholluxth going to come home with uth?" And his dads were like "Uh..." Uh... is never a good sign, Mituna knows that. It normally means "no" but also "it's complicated". 

Dad One explained that Sollux really wasn't very well and that he would need to stay in the hospital for a while so that they could help him get better. And he said that Sollux would be better soon and then, maybe he could come visit them at home. Maybe he would even bring his boyfriend. That made Mituna screw his nose up because he did not want that lame ass nerd coming to visit. No goddamn way. That guy didn't even game and he didn't want him all over Sollux, no way, that's gross. What if they groped each other in plain view? Gross. 

Since Sollux was getting better, Mituna presumed that the weirdness would end then but things only got weirder and weirder. For one, both his dads seemed to be more busy and were spending less and less time with Tuna. They didn't say where they keep going but he thinks they're visiting Sollux every day. He's normally left with the scary Megido lady that lives down the street and she just watches him with a cigarette in her left hand and texts her boyfriend. It's worse than being abandoned. 

For another, his dads seem a lot sadder now for some reason and are nowhere near as fun as normal. They don't want to game or play with him anymore, even when they are at home. It's like Sollux died or something, instead of him just being sick and recovering at that. He thinks he might have even heard Dad Two crying the other day. He doesn't know why and that scares him a little bit. Dads aren't meant to cry. 

The weirdness reaches it's peak on Friday when the Kurloz Guy comes over for some reason or another and makes himself pretty comfortable at their kitchen table. This would normally piss Mituna off but he's decided that he likes the Kurloz Guy and immediately moves to flop across his lap. And the Kurloz Guy is like "Hello, brother." And Mituna remembers what the Eridan Guy said, so he's like "Are you my brother too?" But Kurloz says no and ruffles his hair. 

The Kurloz Guy talks to Dad One and Dad Two for a long time about "psychiatric wards" and "previous attempts" and "last resorts" and none of it makes any sense to Mituna but he thinks it's bad. He also thinks it might be something to do with Sollux and starts to worry in case he really is sick. Really, really sick. The Kurloz Guy is talking about medicine when Mituna butts in like "Ith Tholluxth going to die?" And everybody looks so sad that he thinks he must be right and he starts to cry. 

It takes a long time and a lot of gentle strokes from Kurloz's big hands to reassure Mituna that Sollux is definitely not going to die and that he'll be okay soon. And Kurloz tells him that Mituna won't be able to see his brother for a little while but he can call him instead. This satisfies Mituna, who, exhausted from crying, falls asleep almost instantly on Kurloz's lap. When he wakes up, he's been removed from Kurloz and put to bed. He starts crying again because it was comfortable on Kurloz's lap. This time, Dad One has to comfort him.

By the end of the week, Sollux has apparently been moved to the different part of the hospital that they aren't allowed to visit and will be staying there for a while. A month or two! It sounds like forever but Sollux doesn't sound too miserable when Mituna is allowed to call him under the careful supervision of Dad Two. 

"Hey Tholluxth." Mituna is like. 

"Hey MT." Sollux is like. 

"Dad thayth you aren't going to die."

"Why would I die?" 

"Becauthe you're th'ick." 

"It'th not that kind of th'ick." 

"What d'you mean?" 

"My brain'th th'ick." 

"Like me?" 

"Kinda. Not really. Lithten, Tuna, do you remember the accident?" 

"What accident?"

"The one when we were really, really tiny." 

"The one that fucked up my head?"

".... Yeah." Sollux breathes heavily into the phone. 

"What about it?"

"It fucked up my head too." 

"Yeah, I know."

"That'th the kind of th'ick I am." 

"Oh. Tho you can't come over and play Pokémon?"

"Nope. Which ith good for you becauthe I'd totally kick your athth."

"You would not!" 

"Would too!" 

After that, almost everything goes back to normal. Mituna's dads go back to being happy and to paying attention to him. And Sollux doesn't come over but he does call whenever he can and promises he's trying his hardest to get better. And he doesn't mention anything scary about the accident again. Mituna doesn't like to think about that. It gives him a headache. The accident was the most horriblest moment of his entire life and just thinking about him is enough to make him want to scream. So he does.


	13. ACT TWO: Part One

"Ew, no, you're gettin' your nerd cooties all ovver me!"

"Give it up, Eridan, you know you want my kiththeth." 

"No, get the fuck off!" 

"ED, don't hit me!" 

It's strange to think that just a few days ago Sollux actually thought he could leave his boyfriend forever. Now, they're still in the hospital but it's his last week in this room and he's got Eridan pinned to the bed. He's sitting with one leg on either side of Eridan's torso and kissing his face repeatedly, much to his boyfriend's annoyance. Eridan is trying his hardest to bat Sollux away but isn't doing too well. 

Eventually, Eridan gives in and lies still whilst Sollux presses kisses to every inch of his skin that he can reach. He's always so cold but Sollux doesn't care, he's just so glad to have him trapped between his legs again. When he's got no more kisses to give, he flops down on top of Eridan and rests there, pushing his face into Eridan's hair. He smells vaguely like vanilla scented candles and old books and it's wonderful. He kisses the streak in his hair. 

"Are you done kissin' already?" Eridan says and Sollux laughs. 

"Never. Jutht taking a breather." 

"Too wweak to keep kissin'?" 

"Nope." On cue, Sollux sniffles and has to wipe his nose on the sleeve of his shirt. His boyfriend tuts in disapproval and leans over to grab him some tissues from the box on the bedside table, which he pushes into his hands. Somehow, Sollux has pulled through his latest suicide attempt with just a case of mild hypothermia, a broken wrist, and a bad cold. His wrist broke when he hit the bridge on the way down and he got sick because he was so cold for so long. 

"My hero." Sollux blows his nose and coughs a few times, feeling stuffed up and terrible, "Thank you, Eridan." 

"You're wwelcome." Eridan smiles at him and Sollux presses kisses to his freckles, "Hey!" 

"You're tho fucking adorable. My gorgeouth boyfriend." It makes Eridan blush, "You've got a real ginger thing going for you." 

"Are my roots showin'?" Eridan says, in panic, pressing his hands to his hair. 

"Nah but you can't get rid of the freckleth." Sollux snickers. His boyfriend hits him in the face with a pillow. 

"I'm not the one wwith horrifically dyed hair. Wwe need to cut the blonde bits off, Sol, you look terrible." Sollux tries to smack him away as Eridan pulls his hair this way and that to see the damage. Before he can register what's going on, Eridan is getting up and rummaging through his bag for a pair of scissors. Oh shit, he planned this. 

"I fucking hate you." Sollux doesn't protest as a towel is slid around his shoulders and he's instructed to stay completely still, "Have you even cut hair before?" 

"Only my Barbies." Eridan says and it takes Sollux a moment to realise that he's kidding, "Sol! Dad wwouldn't let me havve any. He thinks they're not "manly". They wwere on my Christmas list evvery year but instead, he got me borin' shit." There's a hesitant snip and Sollux feels his boyfriend's breath on his neck, "He wwouldn't get me anythin' I wwanted. No history books or clothes. Just borin' shit." A few more snips and Sollux feels the scissors brush against the skin of his neck. 

But it's very easy to relax against Eridan and listen to him chattering on about the list of history books he wanted but never got. Sollux makes a note to get a job and buy them all for him as soon as he can. The snipping of scissors gets more frequent and Sollux can feel tufts of hair falling onto his shoulders. He tries not to wince. 

"You missed Christmas, by the wway." Eridan says, in a softer voice, "Wwe all missed it. Kankri's talkin' about havving a Christmas party as soon as you're out of hospital." 

"He realitheth that'th not going to be until March, right?" 

"He thinks it wwill be sunny enough for a beach party." 

"Hope tho." Sollux sighs. As soon as he's well enough, the doctors are going to take him to the psychiatric ward on the sixth floor of the hospital and keep him there until his mental state is stable again. It's only going to be a short stay, one or two months but it still totally sucks. For one, he's going to miss Eridan's birthday. Luckily, he's prepared for that- the present has been purchased already with help from Feferi. But it's sad to think that this is his last week with Eridan for the next two months. 

"I'm goin' to miss you, bee." Eridan mutters in his ear, still snipping at his hair and flicking strands of hair at him, "You havve to promise to call as often as you can." The hair tickling his face makes Sollux sniffle again and Eridan makes a gentle noise. He insists on babying him at the moment and Sollux doesn't mind too much. 

"Yeah, I know. I gotta call MT too." 

"Your brother's such a swweetie." Eridan has been like this ever since he met Mituna and Sollux can't help wondering if they know the same Mituna, "I'm going stayin' wwith your parents every day wwhilst you're in the wward." 

"You're not?" Sollux is horrified, "Are you theriouth?" 

"Totally." Eridan ruffles his hair and gets to work cutting the other side, "Your dads invvited me to stay for at least a month, if not twwo. They adore me. I'm a hero, remember? They're goin' to showw me all your embarassin' baby pictures. And your school photos. They evven said I could stay in your old room." 

"Don't believe anything they tell you." Sollux says, "They're assholes." 

"You're an asshole too, hun." When the last of Sollux's hair has been trimmed, Eridan puts the scissors aside and gets to work cleaning up the hair. 

"But you love me anyway." 

"Of course I do, dumbass." Whe remains of Sollux's stint as a blonde has been swept into the trash, Eridan climbs back onto the bed and wraps his arms around him.

"Doeth my hair look really bad?" 

"No, it looks gorgeous." Eridan assures him, pulling his phone out of his pocket and switching onto front camera mode. And he holds it out so that Sollux can see. 

His hair is nowhere near as long as it was, it's now closer cropped and there's not a hint of blonde to be seen. His natural hair colour is such a dark brown that it almost counts as black but not quite. But somehow, it doesn't look as bad as he remembers. Eridan made it look better. More importantly, in the camera, he can see his beautiful boyfriend nuzzling into his shoulder comfortably. Before he can stop him, Eridan snaps a picture of them and slides his phone away before Sollux can try and delete it. 

"Fuck you!" 

"It's such a lovvely colour." Eridan runs his fingers through Sollux's hair and if it's even possible, he nuzzles closer to him.

"Bullthhit." Sollux hopes he isn't grinning like a total idiot. 

"You're so beautiful." Eridan insists. 

"Not ath beautiful ath you." Sollux swings around and attempts to pin him back to the bed but misses and they both tumble off the edge of the bed. Squealing, Eridan flails and clings to Sollux as they crash to the floor. Sollux ends up sprawled on top of him and pressing frantic kisses to his face, so that ends well. 

"I see you're feeling betta, Shoallux!" comes an excited voice from the doorway. 

"Oh, fuck." Sollux looks up to see Feferi standing in the doorway and beaming at them, "Hi FF. Longtime, no thea." 

"Was that a fish pun I heard?" Feferi seems to take it as an invitation to pile on top of Sollux and successfully squish the two of them. Eridan is flailing under the combined weight of the nerd and the fish girl. It's a very good day. 

And the good days keep coming for so long that Sollux forgets to even worry about anything going wrong. His dads visit him everyday and confirm that yes, Eridan will be staying with them for the two months that Sollux is in the ward. Sollux is highly offended that his family have replaced him with a cuter nerd and makes them swear not to bring out the middle school photos. 

Judging by the smirk on Dad One's face, Eridan is going to be subjected to nothing but middle school photos for two months. Oh god, Eridan's going to see what he looked like with braces. Fuck, Eridan's going to see that awful undercut he had during his punk phase. Sollux regrets every single one of his past decisions. 

Kurloz and Kankri come together and in turn, tell Sollux all about the boys they like. Sollux is very surprised that they don't like each other because he thought he saw sparks there. It's worse than that however. As it turns out, Kankri is seriously thinking about dating Eridan's brother and Kurloz likes Sollux's brother. It's a horrific turn of events that Sollux didn't see coming, not in a million years. He reminds Kurloz that Mituna has a girlfriend but he just shrugs and says he knows. He's got this smug little grin on his face though. Sollux thinks he might be up to something. 

Feferi visits twice more and brings these delicious snacks because her mom is some kind of baking goddess and Feferi apparently inherited her cooking abilities. There's cookies and cakes and everything coated in sugar because Feferi wants to "feed him up properly". She pats his stomach when she says this and for a moment he feels like a charity case, until he sees the cakes she brought and then he decides he doesn't care. He eats everything with some help from Eridan. 

Of course, his beautiful Eridan comes every single day. He's there early in the mornings and stays as late as he can, which Sollux is pretty sure is against hospital regulations. Eridan shrugs and says something about his dad having a lot of money. 

"Holy thhit, you're bribing the thtaff." Sollux realises but his boyfriend shushes him and plants himself firmly on his lap before Sollux can try to argue with him. 

"I'm just makin' the most of my time wwith you." 

"Jeez, Eridan, I'm not going to die. I'm jutht going away for a while. To get better." 

"......." 

"Bad choice of wordth, thorry." 

"Sol, you knoww they can't just cure your disorder, right?" 

"Yeah, I know. But I'll be better enough to live with you again and that'th all that matterth." 

"You're so swweet." 

When it comes to the last day, Sollux wakes up with Eridan sprawled on top of him and freezing cold as always. He thinks it might have been the cold that woke him up actually. Sollux shifts so that he can lift his head up and eye his boyfriend blearily. Eridan offers him a sheepish grin and presses kisses to his neck. 

"Last day, Sol." 

"Don't remind me." 

"Wwe havven't got vvery long so I wwanted to givve you your Christmas present." 

"You're ridiculous." Eridan just grins at him and leans over so he can rummage through a plastic bag to retrieve the wrapped rectangular object. And he pushes it into Sollux's hands, looking awfully excited about whatever it is. Much to Eridan's distress, Sollux tears his way through the neat wrapping paper and leaves it crumpled on the bed. He finds a Playstation Four sat on his lap and all he can do is stare at it. 

"You bought thith jutht for me?" 

"I'm your boyfriend, silly, I'm allowwed to spend money on you. Happy Christmas, Sol." 

"And a happy new year to you. I love you." 

"Lovve you too, bee. You can't take it into the wward, I checked. But I'll keep it all neww an' shiny for you at home. All ready for wwhen you come back." Eridan ruffles his boyfriend's dark hair and Sollux doesn't even grumble. 

They talk for a while about how nice everything's going to be when Sollux gets home but Sollux knows he's just putting off the inevitable moment that he has to give his boyfriend the birthday present. That's The Birthday Present. Sollux knows that Eridan will overreact so he's kinda nervous about giving it over. But when a nurse pops in and tells them that they've only got a few more minutes, he decides "fuck it" and scoops the wrapped box out from under the bed. 

Honestly, it's such a small box that it's probably obvious what it is and judging by the way Eridan's eyes light up, he already knows. He carefully removes the paper and gazes at the purple velvet box with such a look of wonder in his eyes that Sollux's heart aches in his chest. He sent Feferi out to buy it with very strict instructions on what he wanted. It cost more than Sollux could afford but he didn't care. He owed his boyfriend something special after all that he'd put him through. 

"Oh... Sol..." Eridan's eyes are filling with tears. Oh, yes, Sollux is so fucking smooth. 

"Open it for god'th thake." Sollux urges. 

"Hush, I'm enjoyin' the moment." Eridan finally flips open the box and the tears start to fall down his face, "Sol, you fucking hypocrite!" 

"Don't you like it?" Sollux's heart just about stops. He thought Eridan would like the ring. It was that stupid Aquarius symbol he liked and it even had actual amethyst in it. And the band was actual gold. It was so tacky looking, Sollux thought he'd love it. 

"You talk about me spendin' money on you but this must'vve cost you a small fortune." Eridan wraps his arms around Sollux and starts sobbing against his shoulder, "You fuckin' idiot. I lovve you so fuckin' much." Then, he pauses and breathes, "Is this a proposal?" 

"Uh..." Sollux had never even thought of it like a proposal. But what the hell. Eridan looked so fucking hopeful that he couldn't just say no. He couldn't fucking crush him by saying no. Eridan looked so happy. So, he took his boyfriend's hands in his and looked him in the eye. It's not like he's never thought about marriage; he does want to spend the rest of his life with Eridan. He just never thought about doing it now. But to hell with it. 

"Eridan Theamuth Ampora." Sollux's voice wobbled, "Will you pleathe marry me?" 

"You're an idiot." Eridan positively melts into a teary snugly mess in his arms. 

"Happy early Birthday, Eri." Sollux presses kisses to the blonde streak in his hair until his boyfriend finally stops crying. 

"I didn't think you wwere evver goin' to ask."

"Rude, ED. I wath jutht waiting for a good time." 

"There's nevver a good time for us." 

"Nope. I'm really going to mithth you." 

"Don't get soppy on me noww, Captor. Your ass better recovver sharpish so that wwe can start plannin'. Wwe're goin' to need a big wweddin' wwith lots of purple and streamers and cake and-" 

"Or we could have thomething very thmall?"

"Not a chance, Sol." 

The doctor comes to escort Sollux to the top floor of the hospital not long after that and Eridan is still talking about wedding plans and he's bubbling over with excitement as they head to the elevator together. He's not allowed to go any further so he kisses Sollux firmly right there in front of the entire lobby and makes him promise to think of him every single day. Sollux rolls his eyes but lets Eridan make a massive scene of sending him off. Honestly, anyone would think he was going for two years not two months. 

On the other hand, according to what Kankri said, Eridan being incredibly overdramatic is a good thing because it means he's starting to get better. Or act more like his old self or whatever. Sollux just can't believe that after such a long stoop of misery, both of them are beginning to finally recover. He also can't believe that Eridan is acting like some kind of mother hen and Sollux has to push him away in the end. 

"Bye, ED." Sollux says, as flatly as he can manage. Then, he heads into the elevator with the doctor and he gets one last look at Eridan beaming at him before the doors close. There's a long pause before the doctor- Dr Maryam- speaks. 

"He was rather attentive." 

"Oh, fuck off." 

"Congratulations on your engagement, Mr Captor." There's a sparkle in the woman's eye as she talks and Sollux thinks she might be teasing him. She's a tall lady with long hair and dark make-up and swirling tattoos that are barely covered by her long sleeves. He gets the feeling that she doesn't like covering so much skin. There's obvious holes where piercings have been removed. 

"It wath kinda an accidental engagement but thankth." 

"Accidental?" 

"Thpur of the moment." He corrects. 

"Mhm." She looks strangely smug about something, "Mr Captor-" 

"Tholluxth." He corrects and she definitely smirks at him then. 

"Tholluxth." She repeats, "How long are you thtaying?" 

"They've got me pencilled in for two monthth. I'll be better thoon." 

"Mhm." 

"I have to be better for Eridan." 

"Ampora?" 

"Yeah." 

"I know the greaser brother." The elevator doors slide open and Sollux steps out with her, glancing around the ward. There's no signs of anybody around yet and if it wasn't for the words PSYCHIATRIC WARD printed on the wall, he would have thought they'd got off on the wrong floor. It looked quite clean and quite pleasant actually. He feels out of place. 

"Your therapist is Mr Makara, correct?" 

"Hm, yeah." Sollux has never heard Kurloz referred to using his last name and it squicks him out a little. The Makara family name doesn't exactly have a good history and Kurloz doesn't like to use it. Says he doesn't want to be associated with a group of violent assholes. Sollux doesn't really like what that implies. 

"He doesn't take many cases nowadays." Dr Maryam sounds curious. 

"Nope. But Eridan payth him a lot." 

"Perhaps he has a special interest in you." She muses and he's lead into a room that's decorated with pretty exotic looking materials that hang from the walls and filled with burning incense sticks. He has to cough because the smell is strong. There's a lot of pro-feminism posters too, which clash horribly with the feel of the room. 

"Take a seat." Sollux does, opposite her desk. 

"Now, let me just find your file..." While she's busy rummaging through a cabinet, Sollux takes the time to look over her desk. Stationary is neatly stacked, books are piled and it looks much neater than Kurloz's desk. There's a photograph of Dr Maryam with what must be her family; a younger girl (a sister?) wearing the hijab and a kind looking mother also wearing one. 

"Do you mind not staring at my personal belongings?" 

"You're looking at mine." Sollux gestures to the file in her hands, "That'th perthonal thhit." 

"Fair play." Her lip quirks, "But I'm your doctor while you stay here so I'm licensed to know this stuff. It'll help us help you." 

"Cliché." 

"I've got your drugs listed here." She runs her finger down a page, "Do you feel these are helping you stay in control of your moods?" 

"No." 

"No?"

"I jumped off a bridge and that ithn't enough proof that my moodth are out of control?" He rolls his eyes and Dr Maryam actually smothers a chuckle with her hand. He raises an eyebrow at her and she raises one back at him. 

"You're quite amusing, Mr Captor."

"Tholluxth." 

"I think we can switch your drugs around a little to help you feel more in control." She makes a note on a pad and underlines it, "I also think I would like you to have regular sessions with both Mr Makara and another therapist during your stay here. I think you have a lot of things to talk about, Mr Captor, but you're feigning you don't. I think you try and hide your emotions. But we want to help you, so you have to talk to us." 

"Yeah, whatever." He shrugs, "Anything elthe, Dr Maryam?" 

"It's Porrim." 

"It'th Tholluxth." He retorts. 

"You're a real smart asshole, aren't you?"

"Prodigy ith the word motht people uthe." 

"Okay, Mr Prodigy." She mocks, "As for other things, I would like you to participate in all activities here and spend time with the other patients. I think you're lacking social interaction. I also suggest you have some speech counselling to get rid of that godawful lisp." 

"Fuck you, MM." He rolls his eyes again. 

"MM?" 

"It'th thhort for Maryam, dumbathth." 

"You referred to your fiancé as ED?" 

"Yep." 

"Interesting." She doesn't comment any further and instead, she stands, "Would you like to meet your roommate, Mr Prodigy? I predict you'll clash horribly." 

"Great." He stands too, "Let'th get our meet-n-greet on, then." 

As it turns out, his roommate is the brightest person he's ever met and it's mildly terrifying. He obviously has some kind of personality thing going because he has the most horrifically fake British accent that Sollux has ever heard. Also, because he seems to have a strange fascination with skulls. 

"Jake, this is your roommate Sollux. Sollux, this is Jake." 

"Oh, jolly ho! It's great to meet you, old chap-" 

"Don't talk to me and don't you dare pithth me off." Sollux receives a look of disapproval from Dr Maryam but it's so fucking worth it that he can't bring himself to care. After he's been introduced and made some awkward small talk, Dr Maryam quickly whips him away to what she refers to as the mess room. There's a few people sitting around but none of them look miserable. Today's activity is apparently painting and everybody seems to be enjoying it immensely.

Sollux is sat on a table with a scowling girl who is wearing some sort of pirate eyepatch and an older girl with her hair tied back in two long braids that fall all the way to the floor. The pirate girl is painting what looks like an eight ball with blue paint and the other girl just seems to be angrily splashing pink paint on the page. 

"Oi, bitch, whatcha think you're looking at?" The braided girl glares at him from behind her pink glasses and flicks paint at him. He glances around- Dr Maryam has totally abandoned him. 

"Well, I can aththure you that it'th not you. I only direct my attention to decent girlth." He sneers back at her and she gives him a look that's almost respect. 

"What are you in for, idiot?" The pirate girl asks. 

"Thuicide attempt." Sollux says and the girls exchange looks. 

"Clearly didn't go too well then, did it?" The braided girl says. 

"Nope." 

"Got busted myself when they found the shit I stole." She continues, "I could be in the big house but they've deemed me unstable so I got shoved in here. Pretty sweet deal if you ask me."

"What did you thteal?" 

"A bunch of shit, didn't I?" She laughs, "Cars, money, whatever suits me. I'm rich, bitch. My mommy's got a big business so she don't let them jail me. She tells them that I'm fucked up. That's her excuse. She's hella proud of me though. Momma used to steal back in the day and-" 

"I crippled someone." The pirate girl butts in, not to be outdone.

"Jethuth." Sollux says. 

"What, you never done anything illegal before?" The braided girl raises an eyebrow. 

"I thtole a car." He says quickly, "And I dethtroyed it. Boom." 

"Niiiiiiiice." The pirate girl approves, "I'm Vriska. This is my bitch, Meenah." 

"Tholluxth." 

"Nice lisp, asshole." Meenah smirks. 

"Real original, bitch." Sollux retorts. Again, he feels that it earns him some kind of respect from the two girls. 

Two badly painted pictures of bees later, it's dinner time and everybody heads to the cafeteria. Surprisingly, the food is all really nice and Sollux finds himself eating a proper meal for once and even going back for seconds. He sits with Meenah, Vriska and a much, much, much older guy that tells Sollux to just call him Signless. 

"Or the Sufferer, if you'd prefer." It's strangely unnerving to see the guy smiling kindly as he says this. He seems pretty nice though and asks if he can sign the cast on Sollux's arm. Sollux says yes. And next thing he knows, the girls are fighting over a pen to use. 

The Signless guy is the one that helps direct him back to his room as Sollux has totally forgotten where the hell it is. Luckily, his roommate, Jake, heeds his advice and doesn't bother him the rest of the evening. And Sollux falls asleep surprisingly easily, warm and full and content and he just feels generally better. Fresher. 

He does not feel fresh the next day when he's woken up before just before noon to go and have an appointment with his new therapist. He feels groggy and he's just wiping the sleep from his eyes as he collapses in the seat opposite the table. Sollux yawns and catches the guy wincing at his morning breath. 

"Thorry." Sollux offers him a lopsided grin, slumping tiredly in his chair. 

"Not a morning person?" The guy says and Sollux shrugs, "I understand you're used to seeing Mr Makara." 

"That'th right." 

"You can call me Psii, that's what my other clients call me. It's a nickname, if you will. Don't expect me to pity you, Mr... Captor, is it?" 

"It'th Tholluxth, Mr Thhii." Sollux almost groans as he mangles the pronunciation. 

"I see what Maryam meant about getting you a speech therapist, you lispy fucker." Psii smirks at him. 

"Thhut it, aththhole." Sollux rolls his eyes, "Don't give me thhit about it." 

"From what I can read of Kurloz's notes, you are a sufferer of bipolar disorder. Correct?" 

"I wouldn't thay thufferer."

"What would you say?" 

"It'th jutht a thing. Bonuth feature, y'know." 

"And according to what I've got here, you also experience post traumatic stress shit?" 

"My parents died. My brother hath brain damage. And I killed a girl." 

"So, I've read, Tholluxth." Great, now this asshole is messing with him too, "Which one of those do you want to discuss first?" 

"I pick d. None of the above." 

"Would you like to talk about your..." Psii squints at the file he's reading from, "Relationship issues?" 

"Can't we jutht talk about the weather?" 

"Captor." It's a warning tone. He's pushing his luck. 

"Fine. Let me tell you about my gorgeouth boyfriend." 

"Sounds great." Psii is even more sarcastic than Sollux.


	14. ACT TWO: Part Two

The Captor house turns out to be chaotic and wonderful just like Sollux and Eridan thinks he might understand why his boyfriend is so sloppy. The walls are painted a bright yellow that's enough to give anyone a headache- it's not the soft creamy yellow normally seen on walls, it's bright sunshine yellow- and hung with photos and posters and notes and receipts that all kind of mesh together to be almost like a wallpaper. It's kind of wonderful. The floors are also covered in crap; piled books, bills, video game consoles, old clothes. Eridan wonders how the Captors don't lose their freaking minds living like this. 

"Eridan, keep up." One of Sollux's dads calls, when he realises that Eridan has stopped in the hallway, "Just kick your shoes off anywhere, it doesn't matter." That sentence alone terrifies the tidy-bordering-on-obsessive Eridan but he removes his shoes and puts them against the wall amongst the mess of sneakers. Then, he hurries after Mr Captor. 

"Sorry, Dad." As soon as he told Sollux's dads about the engagements- they were definitely more excited than Eridan somehow- they stopped being Mr Captor and Mr Captor. They are now Dad One and Dad Two and just having somebody decent to call Dad makes Eridan feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Let alone having two people. 

"Oh, leave all that apologetic bullshit at the door. We don't pull that shit here. Everybody fucks up and that's cool." Eridan thinks that Sollux's parents might be the coolest people he's ever met. Both of them are strangely laid back and he thinks that they might have reached a point- they must have with two kids like Sollux and Mituna- where nothing even phases them anymore. When he told Mr Cap- Dad One about his anxiety, the man just shrugged and smiled at him and said that's something they can handle. 

"Okay." Eridan peers into each room as they pass. There's a surprising amount of rooms considering he thought Sollux's family was, ahem, kinda poor. The whole house is long corridors and big rooms and it makes him wonder how Sollux puts up with their tiny apartment. Everything here is so homely and warm that Eridan just wants to stay forever. 

As they pass the living room, Sollux's dad stops and sticks his head around the door. 

"Hey, Tuna, Eridan's here. Wanna come say hi?" 

There's a disgruntled sounding yell of words that kind of slur together. That's the one thing about Mituna that somewhat bothers Eridan; he can't really understand the way he talks. He understands that Mituna has trouble with his sentences but he doesn't ever get a single word of it- but everybody else seems to understand. It makes Eridan wonder if he's missing something. 

There's so much noise in the Captor house as well, that's another thing that Eridan finds strange but he enjoys. Growing up, his house was so big that he could scream and nobody would even hear him. He knows because of that one time he broke his arm falling down the stairs and nobody came to help him. He had to seek out his brother whilst clutching said arm to his chest. It always scarily quiet back home. But just standing in the hallway, he can hear the buzz of a radio somewhere and electronics beeping and Mituna's video game and Sollux's other dad swearing angrily at something in the kitchen. 

And he hears the shuffling sound of Mituna's footsteps as he appears in the living room doorway. He looks exactly the same as the last time Eridan saw him; floppy hair that covers most of his face, yellow hoodie, crooked grin with drool dripping from his open mouth. He doesn't attempt to come anywhere close to Eridan but he nods to him. 

"Hey Mituna." Eridan says. 

"Hey." Well, he understood that much at least, "Jethufuwhatththtanerlotherthththth." Or that's what it sounds like to Eridan, at least. Mituna spits a lot when he talks and it's kind of gross but Sollux assured him that his brother really can't help it so Eridan says nothing. 

"Mituna, don't be rude to guests." Sollux's dad scolds. Mituna mumbles something and flips Eridan off with both hands before returning to his video game. 

"I have no idea where he gets that behaviour from." Dad Two is still swearing loudly and Dad One grins at Eridan, "Or maybe I do. I would apologise for my family being assholes but you must be used to it if you live with Lux." 

"Yeah." Eridan smiles at the thought of Sollux and wonders how he's doing; he hopes he's okay, he seemed okay when he went in. They head through to the kitchen where Dad Two seems to be yelling at the microwave about it being "a useless piece of shit that he wouldn't use if his life depended on it". He also seems to have successfully broken the handle off a saucepan and spilt milk over the kitchen counter. Point taken- The Captors can't cook. 

"Honey." Dad One uses the exact same disapproving tone he used on Mituna, "We have a guest. Can you please leave the microwave alone?" 

"But-" Dad Two's eyes fall on Eridan and he seems to pull it together quickly, "Well, if it isn't my future son-in-law." He grins at him and forgets about yelling at the microwave, pulling Eridan into a tight hug. He smells like washing powder and ever so slightly of honey and computers. Eridan presses his face into the cotton of his shirt and wonders if real dads do this a lot. Hug you, he means. His dad never did. He's obviously looking a little sad when he has to pull away because Dad Two taps him on the shoulder. 

"What's up, Eridan?"

"Sorry." Eridan chokes out, "I'm just not used to... my dad doesn't go in for sentimental crap." 

This earns him two looks of a pity and another pat on the shoulder. 

"You're always welcome here, Eridan." Dad One assures him, "You're part of the family. Anyway." He turns to his husband, "How about I take over the cooking and you show Eridan his room?" 

"Sure." Dad Two shoots one last evil look at the microwave before turning and slinging an arm around Eridan the way that Sollux often does. Eridan manages not to cry at this. He's lead down the long chaotic hallway that slants a little to the left and up the twisting stairs- which is covered in dents for whatever reason. Mituna shaped dents. Hm. 

All the walls in the hall are painted with chalkboard paint and notes are scrawled across the walls in different colours: _phone Latula on Tuesday, remember to book Mituna's doctor appointments, owe money to Mr Nitram._ Endless phone numbers and lists and reminders of who's doing what this week. It only takes Eridan a second to work out that for once in this godforsaken house, there's actually a system to it. The dads' write respectively in red and blue. Mituna's messy scribbling is in yellow. And Eridan recognises his boyfriend's writing as being the obnoxious green. 

"Sorry everything is kinda crappy." Dad Two realises Eridan has stopped to gawp. 

"I think it's wwonderful." Eridan says. 

"Oh?" 

"Very homely indeed. It's like The Burroww." Sollux's dad just looks at him so he decides to elaborate, "You knoww, in Harry Potter." 

"Thanks. Sol's room is down here. Do you wanna come put your stuff in here?" Eridan nods and follows Dad Two down to the end of the hall. Sollux's room is tucked away in the corner so discreetly that Eridan wouldn't have even noticed it if it hadn't been pointed out. The door had several angry KEEP OUT signs- including one that says "THAT MEANS YOU, DAD". Sollux's name is spelt out in the wobbly writing of a third grader. 

With a smile of encouragement from Sollux's dad, Eridan pushes the door open and lets it all wash over him. The walls are the same bright yellow as most of the house but they're covered with posters from games and movies and TV shows. There's a desk with not just a computer on it but also several computer parts and crap ton of wires that are spilling onto the floor. Eridan pauses at the desk to look over the space where Sollux clearly spent the majority of his time when he lived here. 

There were a messy stack of post-it notes on the desk in Sollux's handwriting: _Remember to sleep before four, remember to eat something today, remember to call AA, remember to drink, remember to take medication, remember this, remember that._ Some of them had been crumpled mid-frustration. Some of them had been torn to pieces so that the words were unreadable. There was also several neater lists printed in Dad One's neat writing stuck above the desk. 

Above the desk, there is a shelf with several photographs that have been framed. There are five; one with a very small Sollux and an only slightly bigger Mituna sprawled on top of each other, one with Sollux's dads, one with an older Sollux and a shorter black girl with bright red sunglasses, another one of Sollux and the girl slightly older with Mituna and another girl and one of a very pretty Japanese girl beaming with excitement. 

"Aradia..." Eridan realises, staring at the picture of the girl. She was gorgeous with long dark curls and big brown eyes, it was no wonder Sollux was still hung up on her. And in the photograph, she just looked so alive that it was difficult to believe that she was lying six feet under the ground now. 

"The girl." Dad Two is still watching him from the doorway, "All we heard about was that girl for years. He had some massive crush on her. It was such a shame that she moved away." He doesn't know, Eridan thinks, and he fiddles with the engagement ring, sliding it up and down his finger. Fucking hell, he doesn't even know that Sollux's girlfriend died. Sollux never even fucking told his parents. 

After carefully examining the few books that Sollux had- most of them on mathematics or engineering- Eridan sits down on the bed. It creaks a little under his weight but it's no worse than their bed at home. It's got these adorable bee patterned sheets that Eridan can't help but imagine his boyfriend bundled up in them. There's so much Sollux in this room that it's overwhelming and Eridan feels tears prick at his eyes. 

"Eridan?" 

"I miss him. I wwant him to come home." Eridan sniffles and feels pathetic about it. 

"Yeah..." Dad Two pauses, "I miss him too, champ. But he'll be home soon enough." And he smiles at Eridan and gives him a thumbs up. And he says that he'll call him if dinner's ever ready and leaves Eridan alone. 

It's as he's unpacking his stuff that Eridan opens Sollux's closet and finds all his old clothes stashed away in there. Sollux seems to have grown at such a rate that some clothes in here look barely worn. Before he can help himself, Eridan starts to look through them and almost breaks down in tears again over a mathletes shirt he found because of course Sollux was a fucking mathlete. What a fucking loser. 

Eridan makes a resolution to wear one of Sollux's old shirts to bed and finally puts the rest of his own clothes away just in time to hear "DINNER!" being yelled up the stairs. And he hears the frantic scuffled footsteps of Mituna racing around the hallway and then thumps as he tumbles down the stairs. Eridan shuts the bedroom door behind him on his way out. 

Apparently, any attempt at a proper dinner was abandoned and they are now having instant noodles that you can heat up in a pan- the microwave is now very, very broken. Dad One still looks as flustered as if he made a two course meal and Eridan notes to offer to cook at some point because both his boyfriend and their family are both terrible. He eats his way through the instant noodles, despite them tasting disgusting. 

And after dinner, Mituna insists on dragging him into the living room and sitting Eridan on the couch. He flicks through the channels until he finds what he's looking for and suddenly, Eridan is being subjected to Bee Movie and he's trapped between the Captors so he can't escape. (He came to learn that this was actually a pretty regular occurrence and if you couldn't sit through Bee Movie at least twice a week, you might as well just leave. It reached a point by the end of his stay that he could recite it word for word.)

That night, Eridan curls up in Sollux's old bed wearing one of his old shirts that just about fits and he cries a little bit because he misses his boyfriend. And knowing that he won't see him for another two months is incredibly hard for him to deal with. He knows he's got some kind of separation anxiety when it comes to Sollux and he really doesn't like the idea of not seeing him for so long. 

As it turns out, the Captors are even more laid back than he thought. Eridan only wakes up around noon because there's no reason to get up before that and discovers that his pillow is still damp with tears. He flips it over and slides out of bed, heading across the hallway to the bathroom. Aside from the faint buzz of Mituna watching TV in the living room, there is no other noise. It seems nobody is supposed to be up prior to noon. 

The Captor bathroom is even worse than the bathroom back at their apartment and by that, Eridan means that there's mould growing across the ceiling. But he tries not to let this bother him and instead takes advantage of every single thing in there being honey flavoured. He swears that he smells like a bee farm -is that a good thing? Definitely- by the time he heads back across to Sollux's room to get dressed. He's confronted by Mituna in the hallway. 

"Mornin', Tun." Eridan smiles as best as he can and no word of a lie, Mituna growls at him as he passes. For whatever reason, Mituna has decided that he does not like Eridan living with them even semi-permanently. 

Even after Eridan is dressed and has styled his hair, there is no sign of Mr and Mr Captor ever rejoining the land of the living and Mituna still looks half asleep lying on the living room floor wrapped in a blanket. He's been watching cartoons for bordering on four hours now and Eridan wonders if he should be concerned. He also wonders how anybody can be this relaxed. 

It's actually around three or four in the afternoon that Dad One makes an appearance, rubbing his eyes and mumbling something about coffee as he heads into the kitchen. Eridan suddenly understand why Sollux finds it difficult to get up before midday if this is what he had to live with prior to Eridan. Since Dad Two is still asleep and the microwave is still broken, Dad One offers to drive Mituna and Eridan out to Waffle House. This earns delighted yelling from Mituna. 

Eridan soon learns that this is a regular occurrence; to sleep in until late afternoon, eat out somewhere, come home and stuff yourself full of junk food before collapsing on the couch again. Mr and Mr Captor work from home but he still can't quite work out what exactly their jobs are. Something that requires them to do very little apparently. The only days that differ from this plan are Saturday and Sunday. For whatever reason, everybody is expected to be up by six on the weekend and ready to eat pizza.

After having pizza for breakfast (it's gross), they actually bother to go out. It's normally to the mall or to the supermarket or sometimes even to the arcade or to a comic book shop. Apparently, being a total fucking nerd is genetic because Sollux's dads spend the majority of car journeys debating over which superheroes are superior. Mituna doesn't look up from his DS. Eridan just listens awkwardly to Dad One ranting about Batman not counting as a proper superhero and Dad Two deflecting that surely that means Iron Man isn't one either and Dad One saying he's entirely missing the fucking point.

Every now and again, one of Sollux's dads will turn to Eridan and say something like: 

"Do you think Michael Bay directing movies was the biggest mistake ever made?" 

Or:

"Did you enjoy the Lego movie, Eridan? Will you please tell my idiot of a husband how good that fucking movie is?" 

Or: 

"Which Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle do you think is the best?" 

At first, Eridan isn't really sure what he's supposed to say. But he quickly learns that there is no incorrect answer because no matter what he says, one of the dads will agree with him. He starts to enjoy this long debating sessions actually and even manages to start one over who would win in a battle between Gandalf and Dumbledore, (Dumbledore, duh). 

When they get back from wherever, Eridan finally gets to meet the famous Latula and her younger sister. They're both pretty cool actually, except for Latula does nearly break his hand the first time she high fives him. 

"Yoooooo, Eridan!" is apparently the typical greeting from Latula, "Solcap's bf, that's a hella sweet title." 

"Right." Eridan says. The Pyropes are both dark skinned, much darker than Sollux or Mituna, and blessed with the thickest hair he's ever seen. Latula braids her own hair and Terezi's apparently and offers to braid Eridan's as well. Luckily, he manages to wriggle out of that particular offer. They're the kind of people that turn up for a visit looking like they're on their way to San Diego Comic Con. They're not; he asked. 

They tend to come over on Saturday or Sunday but never both, to game with Mituna and the way his eyes light up each time they come over is wonderful. Eridan tends to leave them to it and gets to work applying to get a better job that means he can work at home. There are very few and he's not qualified for much. Fuck, he knew he should have taken that business course in college. 

Saturdays and Sundays aside, days all kind of merge into one and he adjusts to living here. He gets used to the fact that the bathroom door doesn't lock so it's more than likely to have Mituna come in to pee whilst Eridan is showering. He adjusts to the idea of doing nothing and lazing around all day. And he even starts to like the gaming tournaments that occur in the evenings, even if he doesn't have a single chance of coming anywhere but last. 

At the end of the week, he decides Sollux must have adjusted to his new home too and he calls him for the very first time to see how he's doing. 

"Hello, Dr Maryam speaking." 

"....." Eridan freezes up. He's forgotten how bad he is on the phone.

"Hello?" 

"Uhghh...." 

"Hm?" 

"Hi..." Eridan almost whispers, "Can I speak to Sol please?" 

"You just be Mr Ampora. The future Mr Captor." The woman chuckles, "Let me get him for you." There's a long pause as she puts the phone down and he can hear her calling for him and then hurried footsteps and then the phone is picked up again. 

"ED?" Sollux says breathlessly, "I didn't think you were ever going to call." 

"Hi Sol. Sorry.... I.... I got nervvous about it." He mumbles and he hears Sollux laugh on the other end. 

"Don't worry about it, Eri. How are you?" 

"I'm okay, Sol. Your family really is super nice. I'm not sure I evver wwanna leavve." 

"Am I going to have to drag you away?" 

"Probably. Howw are you?" 

"I'm okay too. It'th cool here. They're really helping me out." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah, there wath thomething wrong with my medth. They changed them up a bit and I'm theeing thith new therapitht. He'th pretty cool." 

"Yeah? That's nice." Eridan smiles, "I'm glad you're feelin' better." 

"I still mithth you though. I can't wait to thee you again." 

"I found all your old shirts, Sol. Wwhy wwas I nevver told you wwere a mathlete?" 

Pause. 

"Fuck. You found the thhirt." 

"Your baby photos are adorable." Eridan continued, enjoying the distressed noises coming from his boyfriend, "Wwhat a cutie. And your middle school pictures. Oh, man, your braces, Sol."

"Weren't they fucking awful?" 

"The wworst." 

"Ughh..."

"At least you didn't havve glasses too big for ya face. I did." 

"Did you tape them together like Harry Potter?" 

"You bet your ass I did." 

Long pause. 

"I'm thorry my houthe ith thuch a craphole." 

"Honey, it's nothin' compared to our apartment." 

Another pause. Eridan's grinning. 

"... Did you jutht call me honey?" 

"Wwe're engaged noww, I'm allowwed." 

"You've thpent too much time with my dadth." 

"Oh, honey." Eridan mimics Sollux's dad flawlessly, "Please don't yell at the microwwavve." 

"Oh my god." Sollux is laughing or crying or something, "Fuck, thtop. Pleathe tell me they cooked you thome decent food at thome point." 

"Negativve. We havve gone to McDonalds three times this wweek though." 

"Jethuth." 

"Yep." 

Pause. 

"I miss you. Come home soon." 

"I will. Have a nice night, Eridan." 

"You too, honey." 

"Fuck off." Sollux hangs up because Eridan is laughing much too hard to do it. 

After that, he only calls Sollux once a week and each time, they're both laughing by the end of it which is great. He still feels ridiculously lonely during the long nights though but when he wakes up, it's enough to be wrapped in the warmth of the stupid bed sheets and just pretend Sollux is here with him. Speaking of the sheets, he realises that nobody in this house ever changes their sheets. It should bother him but he wouldn't want to wash them in case he washed the smell of Sollux away by mistake. 

Before long, Eridan succumbs to the chaos and even starts to enjoy it. He likes the way everything is stacked in the hallways and is easily accessible. He knows to brace himself every time he opens a cupboard to avoid an avalanche. And he has found that the Captors actually appreciate him cooking for them a few days a week. It gives Eridan something to do and them something to eat so it works out for everyone. 

The first time, Mituna was a little suspicious of eating anything that Eridan cooked for fear of what he called "nerd cootiethhh" but once he tried it and discovered that he liked actual food, he never put up another protest. 

"I'm tellin' you, Sol, I think he likes me." Eridan was delighted by this development. 

"Uh-huh." Sollux sounded doubtful. 

"Sol!" 

"What?" 

"Are you evven listenin' to me?" 

"Yeah. I'm lithtening. You think MT liketh you." 

"And?" 

"He doesn't like anyone, ED." 

He really did think that Mituna was beginning to warm to him, if not because he decided that Eridan needed some kind of gaming education. Mituna sat him down each day and put a different controller in his hand and screamed at him every single time he did something wrong. 

"I'm sorry!" 

"FUCKINPIETHTHTHEEOFTHHITT!! YOUFUCKERRR!!" 

"I said sorry!" 

After one such gaming session, Dad One took Eridan aside and told him that it wasn't really his fault. He told him that Mituna gets really worked up when people do things he doesn't like and not to worry about it. He also told him that Mituna had taken an extraordinary disliking to him, which made Eridan huff loudly. 

"You wwere right, Sol." 

"Told you tho." 

"Fuck you." 

Life continued, days turning into weeks, and Kankri finally came to visit. He also looked incredibly bothered by the amount of mess but Eridan assured him that he'd get used to it eventually. And he lead Kankri through to Sollux's room so they could talk without being interrupted. Eridan shut the door behind him. 

"I'm really glad you're getting on well with the Captors." 

"Yeah, so am I." 

"Congratulations on the engagement." Kankri smiles, "Show me the ring." Eridan holds out his hand- he hasn't taken it off since he got it- and his therapist oohs and aahs appropriately over it, "Eridan, it's lovely." 

"Thank you. Howw's it goin' wwith your mystery crush?" 

"Oh, please. Don't pretend you don't know who it is."

"Okay. Howw's it goin' wwith Cro?" 

"Shut up." Kankri then, uncharacteristically, blushed a really bright shade of red, "We're here to talk about you, if you remember. I just wanted to check if you were feeling okay. It's been a while since we last talked." 

"I'm fine, Kan, don't be silly. Sol'll be out soon." It's something he's been thinking every day when he wakes up. It's only a few weeks now and Sollux will be home and Eridan can't fucking wait. He's been counting down the days. 

"Are you excited, Eridan?" 

"Are you kiddin'? I'm fuckin' pumped, Kan." 

"Are you still free for the party?" 

"Of course."


	15. ACT TWO: Part Three

On his first day out of this place, Eridan comes to pick him up and tackles him to the floor so that they both end up skidding along the floor of the lobby. He is pretty sure that the people waiting to see their friends and relatives in hospital do not appreciate this show of affection in the lobby. He doesn't protest as Eridan presses kisses everywhere he can reach though, enjoying the feeling of his lips against his skin. 

"People are watching..." He informs Eridan, pushing his hands through his boyfriend's dark hair so he can get a better look at him. His face has been burnt red by the early spring sun, which he no doubt stood in for all of two seconds. He burns ridiculously easy and has come to hate the nice weather. Sollux knows his boyfriend prefers winter. 

"Let them wwatch." Eridan rolls his eyes, "I'm busy kissin' my boyfriend wwho I havven't seen in wwhat feels like forevver." 

"You're ridiculouth." 

"Thank you. Howw are you feelin'?" Finally, Eridan stops kissing him and favours running his hands over him instead, as if making sure that he's really there; he takes an even longer time to press his hands up against Sollux's face and smile as he brushes his fingers over his skin, "You look better. You're positivvely glowwin'." 

"Fuck, you're making it thound like I'm pregnant or thomething." 

"Shush." Eridan slides off him and gets to his feet, pulling his boyfriend up after him, "You didn't answwer my question. Howw are you?" 

"Better."

"They fixed your meds, right?" 

"Yup. Took them five or thix attemptth though." 

"It's not an exact science, Sol, they wweren't fuckin' wwith ya intentionally." Eridan assures him, as they head for the door; much to Sollux's delight, his boyfriend has wrapped an arm around his waist and doesn't seem so scared to touch him anymore. He's warmed to him again, like he does whenever Sollux is in a good mood. But this isn't a good mood, not really. It's what Dr Maryam referred to as being entirely "stable". Sollux can't really feel anything. 

He can remember going in to see her after the last adjustment to his meds and telling her that something is definitely wrong with them this time. As usual, Dr Maryam was armed with her clipboard and was scribbling notes as he spoke. No doubt, she was expecting something more interesting. For the past few weeks, he'd complained of anxiety, depression, psychotic episodes, vomiting, and constant nosebleeds to name a few, every time she switched his meds. 

He could remember that she'd sounded actually concerned: "Really? What's wrong?" 

"I..." Sollux had struggled to explain, "I feel different. I don't feel like I normally do. I can't really... I don't really feel anything. I don't feel too happy, I don't feel too thad. My handth aren't thhaking, the nothebleedth have thtopped, and I jutht feel... Empty." 

"Huh." Dr Maryam had stared at him for a moment, before adding a note to her clipboard. 

"What doeth it mean? Do I need more of the green pillth?" 

"Sollux... What you've described to me is a perfectly stable mood." Dr Maryam put her clipboard aside, "Congratulations, you're officially on your way to getting out of here." And he can remember staring at her blankly and wondering if she was serious. Was this really how normal people felt all the time? 

Now, Eridan lifts him up and spins him around in the parking lot, making Sollux grin at him. His boyfriend always knows how to cheer him up, no matter what. As he was put back down, he wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tightly. His boyfriend was cold as always but he smelt wonderful, like honey. Luckily, it was just honey flavouring. Real honey would cause him to hive up badly and make his throat close up if he was this close to it. 

"Wwe'vve all been missin' you, Sol." Eridan tells him, as he leads him across the parking lot to a familiar looking beat-up car, "Thank god, they seemed to havve fed you up pretty good in there. You don't look so much like a string bean noww." 

"Thankth, ED." Sollux spares him one last grin before he breaks free of his grip and tears towards where his family are climbing out of the car to greet him, "Dad! Dad! TUNA!" 

"THOLLUXTH!" Mituna screeches, in delight, "I MITHTHED YOU THO MUCH WHILE YOU WERE IN THE HOTHPITAL GETTING YOUR HEAD FIXTHED!!" First, Sollux flings his arms around his brother and pulls him into a tight hug. He's fairly aware that Mituna is drooling on him but he doesn't care. He's just so glad that he's finally out of that place and with his family again. 

"THOLLUXTH!" Mituna yells, right in his ear. 

"Yeah, yeah, I've got it." Sollux rolls his eyes and pries his brother off him, wiping drool off his shoulder with his hand and then, getting the remainders off Mituna's chin, "You better have been treating my boyfriend right while he wath thtaying with you." 

"Fuck no, your boyfriend ith a fucking NERD!" Sollux wipes his hand on his shirt and turns to glance at Eridan, who's smiling on with his arms firmly crossed. 

"Sollux." He lets his dads sandwich him between them, squeezing him tightly and ruffling his hair. 

"Ew, you guyth are tho embarraththing." Sollux rolls his eyes, as he draws back just in time to hear Mituna complaining loudly that he wants hugging too, DAD, GOD, WHERE WERE HIS HUGTH?! 

His parents are the ones that drive both him and his boyfriend back home, where Cronus has apparently been keeping the apartment whilst they were gone. The whole way home, everybody is talking- shouting, in Mituna's case, as he's incredibly excited- but Sollux opts to stay quiet and rest against Eridan. The chaos is strange after the quiet of the ward. 

"Are you goin' to be okay?" Eridan asks once, trailing a hand through Sollux's hair. 

"Mhm?" 

"I said, are you gonna be okay noww, Sol?" 

"Yeah, I think tho. They taught me all about handling thhit. No more breakdownth." This seems to relieve his boyfriend, who exhales and smiles down at him. And he continues to toy with Sollux's hair, apparently thinking that it's "really fuckin' pretty, Sol, I lovve the colour". Sollux remains slumped against him for the duration of the ride and pulling faces at his brother. 

When they get back to the apartment, he gets out of the car and hugs both his dads in turn. 

"Thankth for looking after Eridan." 

"It's no biggie, Lux." Dad One glances to make sure that Eridan has headed inside and is out of earshot before adding, "You take good care of that boy, you hear me? It sounds like he's been babying you far too much. You need to make sure he's okay too."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I promithe not to be a thelfithh bathtard." Sollux rolls his eyes, "I can handle everything, Dad, don't worry."

"You're always welcome at home." Dad Two says, as he hugs him, "The pair of you. You've got to start coming over for dinner; you know Mituna loves it when you do." 

"I'll thtart coming over for dinner when you learn how to cook." 

"We could just get takeout." 

"That'th more like it." Sollux grins and then, comes the last of his family for hugs, "Hey MT. Be good for dad, yeah?" 

"Yeah, I know." Mituna thumps him on the back before he pulls away, "I'll mithth you, Tholluxth."

"I'll thee you thoon, okay?"

"You alwayth thay that." Mituna scoffs dismissively and for the millionth time, Sollux remembers that his brother is smarter than they give him credit for. He waves the car away before heading inside to join his boyfriend in their surprisingly tidy apartment. Having heard that Cronus was left alone there for two months, he was expecting hell on earth. He was not expecting everything to be much neater than when they left.

"Hey there, chief." Cronus is leaning on the kitchen counter, "Hovw's it goin', Cap?" 

"It'th going good, thankth."

"So, you got any break dovwns planned this month or can I relax?" 

"Nah, you can take a break from all that hard work you've been doing, CN."

"Avw, my precious brother in lavw and his cute nicknames." Cronus grins at him and it occurs to Sollux, not for the first time, that he doesn't seem to be the only person that's a great deal happier now. This might be the first time since he met him that he's seen Cronus without a cigarette rolled between his fingers. He's just wondering what happened when a familiar figure appears in the doorway and things click into place. 

"Hello, Eridan. Sollux." Kankri nods to both of them in turn, "We've been awaiting your arrival." 

"Thweet." Sollux's eyes flick between Kankri and Cronus, wondering if what he thinks happened really happened. 

"You hooked up." Eridan decides, making his therapist blush. Sollux's suspicions are confirmed. 

"Damn straight." Cronus says, smugly. 

"Ith thtraight really the right word?" 

"Can you all just stop-?" Kankri looks blatantly uncomfortable. 

"Sorry, Kan." 

"Right, now, I intend to make everybody some tea and then, we can all sit down together and discuss how everybody is getting on." Kankri's inner therapist is shining through but that doesn't distract from the fact that he seems to be wearing one of Cronus's shirts, "If everybody could just sit down..." 

"I think the couch might be better." Eridan said, "The table's a little small for so many of us." 

"Yeah, the couch." Cronus catches Kankri's eye. 

"Holy thhit, you fucked on our couch, didn't you?" Sollux can't get a straight answer from either of them but he still refuses to sit on the couch with the idea that it might have Cronus's crotch dribbles plastered all over it. Instead, he sits on the floor beside it and takes a cup of tea from Kankri gratefully. 

"Is there anything that anybody would like to discuss?" 

"Other people having thex on my couch." 

"Anything related to recent events?"

"Point thtill thtandth." 

"Sollux." Kankri says firmly, giving him a look, "Yes, Cronus?" 

"I'd also like to discuss sex." 

"You both disgust me." Kankri rolls his eyes, "Eridan?" 

"Did you really havve sex on our couch?" 

"Dear god." Kankri looks as if he might be contemplating the best way to kill them. It takes a while for him to get anything out of them that isn't an innuendo and Sollux ends up laughing helplessly on the floor. In the end, Kankri gives up on all of them and huffs towards Cronus's room for "some time to breathe". That's when something occurs to Sollux.

"Hath Kankri been thtaying over thith whole time?" 

"Hell yeah. And he's goin' to stay owver as long as he vwants."

"There ith no fucking way that-" 

"Cro." Eridan cuts across smoothly, "Is he the reason you havven't smoked a single one of those filthy lung killers since wwe got here?" 

"He thinks it's disgustin' so I'm tryin' to stop." 

"He stays." Eridan says firmly, so that his boyfriend can't be bothered to even attempt to argue with him. Instead, he adjusts to idea that they now have a therapist staying in the house and wonders how many more annoying assholes they're going to take in. Seriously, Cronus was bad enough but now, he has to live with Kankri too? Ugh. 

Not to mention that Sollux soon comes to learn that living with a therapist means that he's constantly getting reminded to take his meds or take a shower or eat some breakfast and it makes him huff. Also, Kankri keeps cornering him to talk about his feelings over breakfast when Sollux is still half asleep and would rather just be left alone to play on his DS. 

"You knoww he's only tryin' to help." Eridan says, late on night, when they're curled up in bed together. He's still panting and slick with sweat, sheets tangled around him. Sollux has recently discovered that his meds are doing something wonderful to his sex drive and many nights have been spent like this now. 

"I know." Sollux rolls his eyes, "I jutht don't want hith help. I'm fine." 

"You really are actin' much better." Eridan says and he sounds so proud that it makes Sollux's heart hammer in his chest; when he presses kisses to Eridan's back, his boyfriend lets out a groan, "You're not ready for round twwo already, are you?" 

"Hehe, no." Wrapped around him, Eridan is surprisingly warm for once and the sweat is something that can be easily ignored, "I jutht love you a lot." 

"I lovve you too." Their lips meet but it's only brief, "Fuck, I'm exhausted." 

"Am I really that good?" 

"Honestly, truly; yes." Eridan sighs, "Don't let it get to your head." 

"Too late." 

"Your ego is goin' to be too big for the house soon." 

"Eridan?" 

"Yeah?"

"I really want to buy you a proper houthe one day." His boyfriend rolls on top of him and lay there, running his hands over Sollux's chest. He starts kissing Sollux's face over, ignoring his quiet protests. Eventually, he just gives in and let's Eridan kiss him. He gives nice kisses anyway, even if they're just brief ones planted on his cheeks and forehead. 

"I wwanted to buy you a proper vvideo games console. Did I do good?" Sollux pretends to consider it for a second, as if he would ever say no- even if it was the wrong one, which it wasn't- to his sweet boyfriend. Then, he grips Eridan shoulder's with his hands and leans in to kiss him sloppily. 

"Eww." Eridan wipes his mouth, when Sollux pulls back, and makes a face, "Great, noww I'm all covvered in nerd spit. That's just great." 

"Thhut up, you love it." 

"You're gross." 

"You're beautiful."

"Thank you, nerd." 

"Dork." Sollux smacks him lightly on the arm. 

"Can I go to bed noww?" 

"I want to go again." He hears Eridan groan loudly and he snickers. 

Night after night, day after day move on, and absolutely nothing seems to change. Everybody else seems delighted by this development but Sollux finds himself just feeling far too empty. It's like somebody snatched a part of his personality from him. He tries to describe this to Kurloz at his next appointment, but his therapist says that Sollux is probably just adjusting.

"You've been living with this disorder nearly your entire life, brother. It's going to take a while to deal with your moods being balanced." 

"But I don't want to adjutht to thith! I'm miththing a part of me!" He feels the same way he did when Aradia died, like an important element of his life had been snatched from him. Most of the time, he manages to ignore the feeling because Eridan is so delighted to have him "normal" and he likes to see his boyfriend happy like that. 

True to his word, he does visit Mituna but he doesn't take Eridan- he did offer to come but Sollux declined because he needed some time alone with his family. He left his boyfriend with Cronus and Kankri (the goddamn therapist really wasn't planning to leave his house anytime soon) and had Kurloz drive him instead. The entire drive there, he had to listen to his therapist prattling on about Mituna so much that it made him feel sick. He reminded Kurloz that Mituna had a girlfriend an amazing total of seventeen times. 

"Yeah, so?" 

"Tho, you can't date him." 

"I don't want to date him." 

His house looked the same as it always had with perhaps a little more crap filling it. And his parents were so pleased to see him that he got stuck in another spine crushing hug before he could even get through the door. The evening itself was rather pleasant and Sollux kicked ass at Super Smash Bros as always but things still felt oddly off. Maybe it was just his brain being messed up or something but nothing was as bright or exciting or colourful as it used to be.

And when he'd gotten home, it had been so late that Eridan had already gone to bed. Cronus was sat on the couch, talking with his boyfriend, but Sollux barely acknowledged them. Instead, he made a beeline for the kitchen first so that he could get something to eat. He made a note to ask Kurloz about his meds because he seemed a lot hungrier nowadays than he was before (Eridan kept trying to convince him that it was normal to be hungry like this but he wasn't so sure). 

Afterwards, he took himself to bed and climbed in alongside his boyfriend. Instantly, Eridan moved so that he could wrap every single possible body part around him and Sollux sighed but let himself be encased in his tentacle-like grip. He fell asleep there not long after, feeling tired out from dragging himself around all day and talking to people. And he slept rougher than he had back in the psychiatric ward or post-sex. His mind forced nightmares on him, nightmares about Aradia but also good dreams about Aradia and it all meshed together to become a mess. 

When he woke up, he was sweating and all of his limbs hurt from being sprawled at an odd angle on top of his boyfriend. And all he could think about was his old girlfriend and how she'd been like him. She'd know the right things to say. But she wasn't here. 

He needs to talk to somebody about it, somebody that will understand, so he shakes Eridan awake frantically. His boyfriend makes a spluttering noise, wiping the drool from his face, (he drools in his sleep but he won't ever admit to it), and he sits up abruptly. He reaches for the light, flipping it on but not bothering with his glasses. 

"Please tell me you aren't havvin' a wweird mood fuck." 

"No. I jutht..." He nearly crumples but manages to keep a hold of himself, "I jutht had a nightmare."

"Oh, swweetheart." This seems to wake Eridan up quickly because he pulls him in close so that he can cover Sollux's face in gentle kisses, "Are you okay?" He sounds somewhat relieved and Sollux notes that it's because he isn't in a "weird mood fuck". Sometimes, he can't believe that Eridan likes him like this- boring, dull, empty. Maybe it just doesn't seem that way to him. 

"No. I need to talk to you about thomething." 

"Go ahead." 

"I wanted to tell you about Aradia." 

"Mhm?" Eridan looks cautious, like he's walking on eggshells here and if he says the wrong thing, everything's going to shatter. Sollux almost laughs before he realises that it isn't funny in the slightest.

"Did I ever tell you why I liked her?" 

"You said she was vvery pretty." 

"Thhe... Thhe was like me, Eridan." 

"Oh?" 

"Thhe had the thame thing I had. Thhe underthtood." 

"I understand." Eridan sounds offended and that's when Sollux realises, that his boyfriend just doesn't get it. He'll just never understand what it's like inside Sollux's head, not in the same way that Aradia did. It makes him bite his lip. 

"I jutht wanted to tell you." He says, quietly.

"I'm glad you felt you could." Eridan smiles at him and sleepily rubs at his eyes, "Can wwe go back to sleep noww?" 

"Thure." Eridan didn't understand.


	16. ACT TWO: Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this has not been proofread. Sorry.

For once, everything seems to be utterly, utterly perfect and Eridan feels completely on top of the world. It's his oyster, his stage; whatever cliché metaphors he can come up with, he's definitely feeling them. Weeks have passed steadily since Sollux came home and everything is running as smoothly as a stream into the ocean. Sometimes, he wonders if this is all some dream because there's no way that things could fit together so easily. 

The crazy upswings and awful downswings have vanished completely and Sollux is now solidly somewhere between the two, a middle ground where he's sweet without being over the top and clever without coming across as mad. He's just about as normal as it's possible for him to be and he hasn't so much as mentioned Aradia since that night long ago. According to Kankri, these are all good signs and the future is looking bright and beautiful. Though, those are Eridan's words not Kankri's. 

Eridan has been occupying himself over the past few weeks by planning for two of the biggest events of the year- with assistance from his helpful therapist, of course. The first matter of business is Kankri's not-Christmas party, which is all set to go on ahead in just a few weeks time. Invitations have been sent and accepted; party food has been planned; all presents have been carefully wrapped and organised in alphabetical order in Kankri's living room. Lights have been strung up in advance, since Kankri's apartment isn't currently being used and he likes to plan ahead. 

Once the Christmas party has been sorted, there's a lot of spare time to pour over Eridan and Sollux's wedding. It's going to take place six months from now because everybody- Eridan included- needs time to adjust to the idea. Now, he spends every night with Kankri, who has been deemed official wedding planner, and Cronus, who is trying to convince them they should elope and leave the apartment for him. Eridan has told him several times that he's not going to elope from his own home with his fiancé. He's also told him to get out and get his own apartment but Cronus just shrugged at him. 

During these planning sessions, the fiancé in question is normally slumped forward with his head resting on the table and paying very little attention to what's going on. Sollux keeps insisting that he doesn't want a big deal made- he wants something small with their parents, their therapists, and their brothers there. Eridan is not going to let him have his small, miserable wedding because he is too busy planning an all-out extravaganza. Sollux doesn't seem to understand that this is a huge fucking deal. 

"I underthtand that thith ith a huge fucking deal." He says, one night when they're all debating what colour napkins would look best with purple tablecloths, "But I don't thee why we have to have fireworkth and paradeth." 

"Don't be so ovverdramatic, Sol." Eridan ruffles his boyfriend's hair affectionately and he groans, "There aren't goin' to be any parades or anythin'. I just think wwe should try and havve a nice time. Marriage is kind of a big deal, Sollux, y'knoww." 

"I know that, ED." He mutters, "I jutht think we thhould download formth off the Internet and do it at home." 

"Sollux, let me havve my wweddin' and I'll buy you another games console."

"..... Fine." 

That's another thing- Eridan has had to resort to siphoning money off his father, despite swearing that he never would. He wouldn't touch a cent of it before but now, he really wants his big wedding and he wants to keep his boyfriend as happy as he can, so he's been asking his Dad for loans that he has no intentions of ever paying back. Of course, once his Dad finds out about the wedding, he makes plans for Eridan to come back home and bring his fiancé. Which leads to the most awkward meet-'n'-greet that Eridan has ever been a part of. 

"So, ya must be the fiancé." is what his Dad says, when he opens the door, and he's glaring down at Sollux. He only has a few inches on him but Donovan "Dualscar" Ampora is so huge that he can make anybody feel small. The usually confident Sollux shrinks back in fear. 

"Yeth." He says, quietly, like he would rather be anywhere but here. 

"My future son-in-laww." Dualscar booms. Sollux is practically quaking behind Eridan. 

"Daddy, please, you're scarin' him." Eridan says, which makes his Dad back off a little bit. After all, Eridan is his favourite son and he's still hoping for him to inherit his empire that he's built from nothing. Eridan is the the baby of the family and he knows exactly how to play it to his advantage. 

"Daddy, this is Sollux. Sol, this is my Dad. Mr Donovvan Ampora but evveryone calls him Dualscar because of the scratches." 

"Scratches? These are more than just scratches, my boy." Eridan finds himself being pulled into a strong one-armed hug, which nearly strangles him, "These are the marks of the good ole days. These marks come from the days wwhen wwe used to wwrestle wwhales wwith our bare hands!" 

"Dad, _please_." 

"Alright, boys, in ya come. Don't wwant you standin' out on the doorstep all day." He has a bellowing laugh that makes Sollux flinch. He moves out of the way and Eridan is freed from his grip, so that he can lead a mildly traumatised Sollux into their huge house. And if Sollux wasn't already terrified, he is now, because his mouth has fallen open and shows no signs of closing anytime soon. 

"JETHUTH. FUCK." Sollux says, in awe, and Eridan beams at him. 

"Language, Sol." 

"HOLY FUCKING THHIT, THITH ITH AWETHOME!" No, nope, they have lost Sollux. He's too busy staring at everything in wonder and slowly spinning on the spot, so that he can take in everything at once, to acknowledge Eridan anymore. Eridan might as well be scolding a brick wall. 

"This is wwhat you havve to expect, bringin' commoners into the house." Dualscar says, dismissively, (it's the tone he reserves only for referring to people with less than a billion dollars to their name), "Do I knoww his family? Wwhat's the family name?"

"Captor." 

"Ah." His dad thinks it over for a moment, "Aren't they the poor homosexual couple that livve in the bad neighbourhood? Wwith the boy wwith the..." He gestures to his head vaguely, "Accident?" Eridan's hands clenches into fists but he doesn't dare say anything. 

"Yup." 'The Bad Neighbourhood', AKA where Sollux's home is located, is a place that his Dad turns his nose up; it's where the "poor people" live and Eridan's not meant to even look in that general direction, "Dad, it's not about money." 

"Wwhat is it about then, Dan? Answwer me that."

"It's about lovve, Daddy. I lovve him." 

"Lovve." His father rolled his eyes at him, "You're ridiculous." 

"Thanks." Eridan watches his boyfriend skidding across the shiny hall in his squeaky sneakers and he decides that he doesn't even care if he's being ridiculous, he fucking loves his nerd. Once his dad has shut the door and vanished from sight, striding away dramatically, Eridan kicks his shoes off and joins his boyfriend skidding across the floor. There's lot of yelling and more than one occurrence that they smack into each other and both go sprawling to the floor. Sollux presses kisses all the way along his collarbone, sniggering. 

After an awkward dinner of his Dad forcing them to make conversation about work, (Sollux may have told a few white lies), and how they'd met, (more than a few lies), and what they were up to, (Eridan was lying through his teeth by this point), Eridan finally got to take his boyfriend up to his room. He was worried that Sollux would think of him as a total loser or something, but his boyfriend did nothing but compliment him the whole time. It was kind of adorable to see him so flustered by how big and fancy the rooms were ("Why the hell do you have chandelierth in every room?") 

"Holy fucking thhit, ith that a Harry Potter pothter, Eridan? Fucking nerd." But it sounded sweet from his mouth and he chuckled, as he smothered him in kisses.

"Oh, shut up. I'vve seen your bedroom, you loser. You're king of the nerds." 

"You're thoooo romantic, Ampora." 

"You're not so bad yourself, Captor." 

"Mhmmm." Before he can register what's happening, Sollux is sliding his way onto his lap and the kisses are wonderful, they're controlled and nothing like the sloppy ones he used to receive. And careful fingers- fingers that haven't seen a day of true work in their life- are running their way over his skin, slipping their way up his shirt and tearing it off. It rips badly down the middle and Eridan starts giggling underneath him. 

"You're so sexy, Sol." 

"Thankth, thweetie." Sollux moans softly against his lips and they tussle with each other on the bed, pushing and pulling like they have no idea what to do with each other. Luckily, Sollux leads and Eridan clings to him, whining against his skin. They take it in turns to peel each other's pants off and it takes Sollux a while to manage because his hands are slippery with sweat. He has to keep adjusting his glasses so that they don't slide off his nose. 

"Hot and bothered, honey?" 

"You're tho beautiful." It isn't what Eridan is expecting and he just smiles sheepishly. 

"Thanks." 

As it turns out, when in a proper bed, Sollux can accomplish some quite impressive positions. But there's no way to compliment his bendiness, when he's got his legs up on Eridan's shoulders and his feet tangling with his scarf. It's hard to fuck him into the mattress properly like this but Eridan doesn't care because he's giggling too hard to even manage it. From where he's laying, Sollux is snickering between moans. 

"Oh, FUCK!" 

"Please don't make a mess of my bed." 

"Fuck you!" Eridan receives a sneaker sole to the face and he hears something in his face crack and he's pretty sure that it's his nose, "FUCKIN' HELL!" 

"Oh, thhit, thorry-!" 

"Sol, please!" After that, they have to shift back into a more practical position with Eridan sprawled on the bed and his boyfriend on top of him. Shoes are kicked off and Sollux wriggles his way out of his shirt so that Eridan can slide his hands down the length of his back. 

"Remind me to feed ya up wwhen wwe get home." 

"Only if you let me feed you too." 

"Sol, don't you think I'm gettin' chubby?" 

"Yeth. I think you're chubby and I think you're abtholutely fucking gorgeouth." 

"You're so swweet." 

"It'th true." 

It doesn't take long for Eridan to turn into a moaning mess, scratching at Sollux frantically and clawing his way through the skin of his chest. He can't help it, it's instinct to for him to grab at his boyfriend frantically to pull him closer. To his credit, Sollux doesn't even complain until afterwards. In fact, it's only when both of them have finished and are plastered to each other, placing delicate kisses that they realise how disgusting they are. 

"God, they thting." Sollux has pressed one hand to the scratches on his chest to stop the bleeding, "Fuck, thothe aren't nailth, they're clawth." 

"Eww, I havve peasant blood on my nails." Eridan teases and he gets smacked in the face with a pillow, "Okay, okay! Stop!" He giggles and wipes at his nose, surprised when his hand comes away bloody. Fuck. 

"You think your dad heard uth?" Sollux is already getting to his feet, chest heaving and so beautiful without his clothes that Eridan has no choice but to stare at him.

"He definitely heard ya, Captain Moan-A-Lot." 

"You're one to talk. "Oh, pleathe take me now, Thol!"." His boyfriend mocks, throwing his head back with a look of mock pleasure, "Ooh, fuck me harder, Tholluxth. THHIT, you're thooooooo good with your handth." 

"I sound nothin' like that!" Eridan huffs, "Wwould you like to showwer wwith me?" 

"What and thee your nerd body?" 

"Excuse me, I am a gorgeous specimen." He gestures to where he's still splayed across the bed, tossing his hair in a way that he hopes is sexy. It flops in his face and Sollux snickers at him. But he scoops him up in his arms easily and carries him through to the en-suite bathroom (which Sollux called "fucking unneceththary" about an hour ago, the hypocrite). Eridan pretends to swoon in his arms or perhaps really does swoon. 

"You're thuch a fucking lother." 

"Geez, honey, stop wwith the compliments. Ya makin' me blush." 

"You're such a smug aththhole."

"Thank you. Wwhat's my prize?" 

"Your prize ith getting plathtered againtht the thhower wall for round two."

"As long as you promise to keep makin' those cute moanin' noises." 

"Fuck off." 

It's difficult to explain to his dad why he's suddenly broken his nose and why he needs to be driven to hospital because it won't stop bleeding. It's also very difficult to talk because he's laughing so hard at the look on Sollux's face. He manages to talk his way around the subject- luckily, his Dad doesn't ask why the hell Sollux is wearing one of Eridan's old shirts because that would be impossible to explain- and they head to hospital. Sollux is all but crying with laughter as he explains to the women behind the desk while they're here. She looks just as amused as they are. 

Eridan gets his nose bandaged up anyway and manages to avoid his brother's questions for a while, once they finally get home. Unfortunately, Cronus does eventually manage to worm it out of him and there's endless teasing when he does. 

"Vwhat position vwere you ewven in to manage that?" 

"CRONUS!" Kankri is horrified naturally. 

"It's okay, hun, I knovw you'd newver break my nose in bed." 

"Cronus, please!" 

Teasing aside, everything is still wonderful and Eridan is learning that he doesn't have to hold onto the good moments because there are so many of them. His boyfriend isn't just bright and beautiful, he's surprisingly stable and amazingly romantic at times. And he isn't afraid to say that he gets Sollux back for breaking his nose, when he bites down so hard on his boyfriend's lips that it leaves marks. In other words, the sex is still great and the romance is great, even if his boyfriend's attempts to make breakfast go horribly wrong every time. It's so wonderful that Eridan is beginning to wonder if it'll be like this forever. 

He spends his evenings with Sollux and before they realise what they're doing, they're taking it in turns to romance each other. Something will happen, like Eridan sneaking up on his boyfriend to massage his back for him (a job that turns out to take a while, since Sollux is incredibly tense for whatever reason; he blames his slump), or Sollux will slide into his lap whilst he's reading and make himself comfortable there. Cronus calls them pathetically vanilla, so Eridan makes a point of screwing his boyfriend until he squeals that night, and there are no more comments. 

"I love fucking with your brother." 

"Sol, eww, that's gross." Eridan chuckles and rests his head on Sollux's shoulder. 

"You know I didn't mean it like that." Sol nips him on the ear, "I love fucking you like that."

"You're so crude." Eridan wrinkles his nose. 

"You're a thnob." 

"Shut it, nerd." Sollux laughs breathily and presses kisses into Eridan's hair and everything's perfect. 

The only small hitch in the entire deal occurred at eight the next morning, when Eridan woke up and heard scuffling in the kitchen. At first, he presumed it to be Cronus looking for something to drink- he had bottles hidden behind the refrigerator and kept sneaking sips whenever Kankri wasn't looking- or Kankri getting up to make breakfast. Both of these things were perfectly normal and Eridan settled back down, feeling content.

"Sol..." 

It was only when he reached out for the warmth of his boyfriend that he realised that there was nobody curled up beside him. His eyes still closed and his brain still hazy, his hands fumbled to see if they could find the wiry form of Sollux laying somewhere on the bed. There was no sign of his boyfriend anywhere and that was when he forced himself to sit up properly and look around for him. Himself aside, the room was empty and everything still looked perfectly in place. He found that to be... Strangely unnerving. 

Reaching for his glasses to slide on, he swung his legs out of bed and groaned. He still got these awfully uneasy feelings whenever Sollux wasn't around, now that he knew how prone his boyfriend actually was to breakdowns. He didn't bother with getting dressed, heading out of their room in his t-shirt and his underwear, hoping that he wouldn't run into Kankri. His therapist always seemed mildly traumatised if anybody was wearing anything less than a full bodysuit. He was such a prude. 

As he headed down the hall to the kitchen, the bustling sounds got louder until he could easily recognise the sound of somebody shuffling things around. He almost didn't dare push the door open, fearing the worst, but standing outside and just listening was so much worse. He swears that he could hear his boyfriend quietly muttering. Eventually, curiosity won him over and he pushed the door open. 

"Oh, Sol, honey..." 

"Eridan!" His boyfriend had that slightly frantic look in his eyes again, staring up at him. He was wearing even less than Eridan was, sitting on the kitchen floor in only his underwear, and he was stacking what looked like every single food item they owned into tall, wobbling piles. 

"Sol, wwhat are ya doin'?" 

"I... I..." He swallowed, "I'm in control." Sollux said, so firmly that Eridan almost bought it. 

"Swweetheart." He crouched down beside him and took his boyfriend's hands, occupying them so that he'd stop the frantic sorting; his hands were still twitching as he held them, "You're havving a small episode. You knoww that, right?" Sollux just stared at him, "C'mon, it's not a big deal. Howw about I take you to wwatch some TVv and I'll sort the mess out in here?" 

"I jutht thought I'd thort thingth for you." 

"Howw helpful of you." Eridan hears footsteps but he doesn't bother to turn to see the other two standing in the doorway. He just prays that neither of them will say anything because he doesn't want Sollux to lose his shit right here and now. It's been so long since he's had to deal with these moods that he's scared he'll fuck up now and it will all go to hell. 

"Did I fuck everything up again?" 

"No, of course not." Then, a thought occurred to him and he added, "Did ya take your meds today?" 

".........." His boyfriend shifts from side to side, refusing to meet his eyes. Eridan frees one of his hands, so that he can press it to Sollux's cheek and tilt his head so that their eyes meet. Sollux blinks at him and gives a half-hearted kind of shrug. Eridan's heart sinks. He'd promised that he'd keep taking them. 

"Sol!" 

"Thorry!" He looks mildly panicked and Eridan can't stay mad at him for even a second. 

"Let's go get them for you. Come on." Eridan helped his boyfriend to his feet and wrapped an arm around him, so that he could lead him past his hesitant therapist and confused brother in the doorway. He just offered a shrug of explanation and kept pushing Sol forward, before Kankri could open his big mouth. Sollux doesn't even glance at them. 

In the bathroom, he lowered the toilet lid down and sat Sollux there, pausing only to press a kiss to his forehead and ruffle his hair. His boyfriend didn't even react. Then, Eridan fished for the meds in their bathroom cabinet and got to work sorting them into the right amounts. It was a harder task than it sounded. If he got it even a little bit wrong.... 

"ED?" 

"Hm?" 

"I thought I wath better." Sollux murmurs, staring at the floor. 

"Wwhat?" He turns so that he can look at him, looking just in time to see his boyfriend scratching the back of his head and looking ashamed of himself. When he catches Eridan looking, he turns away abruptly. 

"I felt better, tho I didn't take them." 

"Sol, you felt better _because_ you wwere takin' 'em." 

"Yeah, tho I don't need them anymore. I'm better." 

"Honey, you knoww it doesn't wwork like that." 

"You don't take your medth anymore." Sollux accused. 

"Kankri says I don't need them anymore. Pullin' my shit together." 

"That... That'th really good." His boyfriend replied, flatly, "Great." 

"Sollux?" 

"What?!" It was snappier then and much more sudden. Eridan flinched back in shock. 

"Here." He dropped the mess of multicoloured pills into his boyfriend's hand and watched his fingers clench tightly around them, as he stared at them. He still had that wild look in his eyes, like he was seeing a world that was brighter and more difficult to comprehend. For a moment, he was scared that his boyfriend would toss them aside in anger. Then, Sollux tipped his head back and dropped the pills into his mouth, swallowing hard and spluttering a little before recovering. 

"Sol." Eridan said, gently, as he took his fiancé by the hand, "Promise me you'll take 'em." 

".... Yeah, I promise." 

"Evvery day. For me." 

"Thure thing." 

"Go wwatch TVv. I'll sort the kitchen." 

"Thankth, ED." 

"It's no problem, Sol." 

After that particular incident, Eridan made sure his boyfriend took his meds and everything went back to normal. Nobody dared mentioned the event and the days continued sweeping past without another problem and Sollux stays as wonderful as ever. Eridan is pleasantly surprised about how much two months and a med switch did for his boyfriend. He's adjusted to doing normal things like waking up with his boyfriend wrapped around him and cooking dinner together and going on several dates to several places and it's great. 

Before long, the belated Christmas party rolls around and Eridan couldn't be happier. He even begs his older brother to take him to the mall for a new outfit and Cronus begrudgingly agrees and even offers to show him "hovw to dress properly"- an offer that Eridan quickly declines. He'd never be able to fit into that stupidly tight leather his brother wears. No, he picks out an outfit of his own and he's feeling pretty until he sees what his boyfriend looks like. 

"You look wwonderful." He says, as his boyfriend steps out of their bedroom and sweeps over to plant kisses on him. And Sollux _does_ look wonderful, in his usual scruffy way. He didn't make any effort to dress up but he's showered and even brushed his teeth, after Eridan insisted. He smells so much like teenage boy- a well-known combination of Mountain Dew, sweat, and body spray- that it's incredible and Eridan feels vaguely nostalgic as he buries in his face in his boyfriend's shirt. 

"I don't look anywhere near ath great ath you." 

"Do you think the cape's a bit much?" 

"No, I think you look like a dork. My favourite dork." 

"You are such a goddamn sap."

"Oh, the thingth I would do to you if we weren't on our way out." 

"Savve it for wwhen wwe get home- hey!" His boyfriend dips him for a brief kiss, only to drop him abruptly when he spots Kankri in the doorway and then, realise what he did and catch him again. He's now inches from the ground and only being supported by his boyfriend's weedy arms. Sollux starts snickering. 

"Fuck, thorry." 

"Are you two going to need a moment alone or..?" Kankri shifts from foot to foot, eyeing the pair of them nervously like they're going to start making love right there in front of his poor innocent eyes (for the record, Cronus said that Vantas- now, commonly referred to as "the babe", which pisses Kankri off endlessly- is actually kinky as hell under the sheets. Who'd have ever guessed?)

"No, we're good. Jutht dithcuththing evening planth." 

"... Okay. Great." Kankri looks mildly disgusted but he leads the way outside without further comment, to where his car is parked by the curb. For whatever reason, Cronus is driving and Kankri is quick to call shotgun, so Eridan ends up curling up with his boyfriend in the back of the car. He does have a small flash black to the last time he sat like this with his boyfriend and he was clinging to him frantically and spewing nonsense at him but Eridan pushes the thought away. He smiles at Sollux instead, who smiles back, and everything is normal. Weird. 

When they do get to Kankri's apartment, the therapist in question lets them in and Cronus heads straight for the alcohol- which apparently is now only allowed on special occasions and this one qualifies- and Sollux is quick behind him. Eridan is surprised, since he's only seen his boyfriend drink once or twice and normally only during an upswing. This is new and he bites his lip, wondering if he should be concerned. 

"Are you going to be okay to drink?" Eridan asks. 

"Yeah." Sollux is using the hem of his shirt to twist his beer open, "It'll be fine." He won't look at Eridan, staring intently down at the bottle instead. 

"Because your meds might not let you-" 

"I cleared it with Kurlozth." Sollux huffs, managing to break the cap off and takes a long swig from it, "It'th fine. How long have we got until everybody elthe arriveth, KK?" 

"An hour maybe?" Kankri guesses, "Don't drink too much." 

"I won't." Sollux assures him. 

Liar.


	17. ACT TWO: Part Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We recently passed one thousand hits!!!!! >:D  
> Thank you so much to everybody reading; you all have my eternal love. 
> 
> On a side note: I don't know if this chapter is going to make much sense. I'm sick and proofreading is hard >:P

_"May I havve this dance?"_

_"Fuck off, Ampora."_

_"Dance wwith me."_

_"You know I don't dance." Before he can stop him, he's being pulled to his feet by a slightly tipsy Eridan and he was too busy giggling to protest against it. Instead, Sollux willingly falls into his arms and they sweep together, foreheads touching and arms tangled around each other. Eridan is warm and he smells faintly like coconut, among the smell of sweat and alcohol and smoke._

_"Sol, are you high?"_

_"Maybe." That might be the reason that he can't stop giggling._

_"Oh my god."_

_"You've ththththtopped." Sollux mumbled, realising that his boyfriend has come to a standstill, "What'thththhh up, Eridan?"_

_"Holy fuckin' shit." He's pulled closer, so that Eridan can peer into his eyes to check for dilation or some shit like that- Sollux wasn't really listening. They've stopped dancing together and now, he's just dancing by himself and making a fool of himself. For now, he doesn't care though and he whoops loudly as he spins in circles, until he falls on top of Eridan._

_"Sol, please."_

_"C'mon, Eri, dance with me. Kithth me. Have fun."_

_"No, Sol, I don't-"_

_"You are thuch a lame athth! Why you gotta be tho lame all the time, Eridan?"_

Everything hurts; his arms, his legs, his head, his eyes, his throat, his stomach, even his knees where they're pressed against the cold floor. Behind his eyes especially, where his migraines normally begin, is stinging horribly every time he blinks. Actually, he thinks that might just be because he left his glasses on his bedside table because it strains his eyes badly to see without them. He gets headaches when he doesn't wear them; he discovered that in middle school when his dad's finally began to question whether Sollux was having headaches for a reason and took him to an eye doctor, who told him that he was legally blind. His lack of glasses might also be the reason for his horrifically blurred vision. 

He's sure that his hangover is the source of all his other pains though and probably the reason that he woke up at noon with his pants still on and rushed to the bathroom so that he could hurl. And that's what he's been doing for fifteen minutes, being reminded with each retch how much of a lightweight he is. Eridan could probably handle twice of what he'd drank without throwing up or even blanching. 

Speaking of Eridan, he's there to catch him when Sollux slumps back against the bathroom wall. He falls into steady arms that are wonderfully cold to touch and he whimpers, pressing his head against his boyfriend's chest. A hand rubs soothingly between his sore shoulder blades and he's gently shushed. Soft kisses are pressed to his ear as Sollux is rocked gently, gentle words being murmured on his ear.

"Wwhat am I goin' to do wwith you, Sol?" 

"Leave me here to die alone." Sollux groans, clawing blindly until he finds Eridan's face and runs his fingers over him. He's too blurry for him to be able to make out his freckles or the look on his face but he does feel him smile at him, his lip turning up against Sollux's hand. 

"Not gonna happen. You need wwater." 

"I _need_ a trip to McDonaldth." Sollux murmurs, making his boyfriend chuckle. He wants to explain that he read this thing online about how cheeseburgers can help hangovers and how he normally goes to McDonalds because he's a loyal customer but he can't find out any of the words. Or, he can, but it's too difficult to force them out of his tired and metallic tasting mouth. 

"Wwe aren't goin' to McDonalds. Wwe're gettin' you wwater and some meds and snugglin' on the couch to wwatch Lord of the Rings until you feel better." Before he can reply, bile creeps into Sollux's throat and he leans forward, so that he won't vomit on his boyfriend. Again. He's pretty sure that he was sick on him on the way home last night. 

He can even vaguely remember Eridan stroking his hair and speaking quietly to him.

_"Sol, it's okay. You're goin' to be okay."_

_"But I hurled on you..." Sollux thinks he slurred at him, "I fucking hurled all over my gorgeouththth boyfriend. Hehe, you're tho cute. Kithth me."_

_"No, thanks. You'vve still got vvomit stuck to your face."_

_"Jethuthththth, I'm thththooo ththorry, Eridaaaan."_

_"You really can't handle your drinks, can ya?"_

_"Nope." He thinks he might have laughed, "Thththorry." And then, he thinks that he might have started crying, "Eridan..."_

_"Sol, I'vve got ya, I'vve got ya. Wwhat's wwrong?"_

_He pressed his face into Eridan's shirt as he sobbed._

_"Sol?"_

"Lovve, you still wwith me?" Pulling him out of his thoughts, Eridan is playing with his hair back and holding him loosely around his middle with his other arm; Sollux tries to form words but only produces a grunt, "You'vve got great aim, by the wway."

Looking up from where he's been staring blankly at the floor, Sollux notes that he's managed to miss both Eridan and the toilet bowl and vomited on the bathroom floor instead. The smell is overpowering. Eridan won't let him apologise for it and says he'll clean it up once Sollux is done. Eventually, his stomach does stop forcing the alcohol out of him and after he's breathed steadily for a while, he becomes aware of pathetic noises escaping him. 

With his boyfriend's assistance, he pulls himself up and lumbers his way back to where he woke up- the couch- and collapses back onto it with a loud groan. A blanket is tucked over him and Eridan presses a gentle kiss to his forehead, promising him that he'll be back once he's mopped the bathroom ("Don't wwant Kan seein' the mess you made in there. He'll havve an aneurysm") and puts Lord of the Rings on, as promised. Then, he leaves Sollux alone to stare at the screen. 

Though he's trying his hardest to focus, he finds his mind quickly beginning to wander. What the hell did happen to him last night? It all seems so blurry now... So blurry and hazy and bright and loud... It was all so loud... That's what he can remember, he can remember the yelling. He can remember yelling and being angry and a crashing and somebody screaming and suddenly, he starts to think that drinking was a bad idea. He startles when Eridan flops on the other side of the couch and throws his legs across Sollux. 

"You owwe me big time for cleanin' your stomach bile off the floor. Here, I got you some Gatorade; I kneww you wwouldn't wwant any wwater just yet. Maybe later wwe could try and get some soup dowwn ya..." He takes the drink and sips it, quickly tuning his boyfriend's voice out so he doesn't have to listen to him ramble. 

"Thankth, I got it, Mom." 

"I'm just makin' sure ya okay, Sol." 

"Yeah... I'm not. I'm fucked up."

"Sol, you're not. You'vve been doin' so wwell for the last feww months." 

"I fucked up latht night, didn't I?" 

"Wwell..." 

"Didn't I?" Sollux demands, regretting it when his boyfriend flinches back. 

"Sol, don't fuckin' yell at me." 

"Did I hurt thomeone? Ith that why you're thcared of me?!" His voice is steadily raising in volume, so that Eridan gets his 'please, Sollux, the neighbours will hear' look on his face. Sollux can't bring himself to care, clenching his hands into fists and working hard to keep them at his sides. The only thing he can care about is the hurt look in Eridan's usually smiling eyes and he wants to stop himself. But the words keep escaping his mouth, at full volume now. 

"DID I KILL THOMEONE?" 

"Sollux Alexander Captor, you sit your sorry ass dowwn RIGHT THE FUCK NOWW before I call Kurloz to take you back to the wward!!" Eridan snaps at him. That's when Sollux realises that he's on his feet and everything is swirling around him. He should lie down. He needs some rest. He needs to take his meds and relax. Instead, he heads for the door. 

"Wwhere the hell are you goin'?!" 

"Running." 

"Sol-" 

"I'm not going to do anything dumb. I jutht... I need to clear my head, okay?" He exhales and stares at his boyfriend, who stares back at him for a long moment before he nods. 

"Yeah. I get it. You mind if I come wwith you?" 

"Eridan, I don't think you-" 

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm not going to run." Eridan lets out a defeated kind of sigh, "Just let me ask Kan if I can borroww his car and then, wwe can go. Okay?" Before Sollux can reply, his boyfriend gets up and hurries off. He can hear quiet discussion in the next room but it's more like a gentle buzzing sound like bees but not like bees and he's waiting impatiently, clenching and unclenching his knuckles, only remembering to breathe when his boyfriend returns and slaps him on the back. Sollux wheezes, rubbing at his chest, and heads for the door. Eridan is close behind. Sollux knows this because he can feel his eyes burning into him. 

And at the door, they split off so that Eridan can take the car and Sollux sets off down the sidewalk as fast as he can. He may hate outside but he loves to run. He loves the feeling of everything rushing away from him, like he's running straight towards the end and his life is sweeping away bit by bit. He can remember being the greatest runner in elementary, middle, and high school, because when other people would give up because of the pain he would keep on. He wouldn't feel the pain until afterwards. 

Indeed, that's what happens tonight as he speeds down the sidewalk and weaves his way around irritated passersby. It's okay though because if he runs with a purpose, they won't question him. Sure, they'll look at him in confusion and wonder where the hell he's running to and where the hell he's running from but they won't question the fact that he's going somewhere better than here. That he's in a rush to get there. Sometimes, his entire life feels like this. 

Sometimes, he wakes up in the morning and feels like he's got to push on through the day with a purpose. He's got to keep going as if he's going somewhere because if he stops to question the destination, he's going to plummet into nothingness. That's the good times. And the bad times, they're like the times where he trips and stumbles and scrapes his knees and cries for his parents like a first grader. And this, the stable feeling, it's like running. It's not like the good day running, which is more about going somewhere. 

If anything, it's more like running on a running machine and knowing that he's going nowhere but also knowing that he won't slip and fall backwards. He's stable, therefore he is between moods. He is not manic, he is not depressed, he's somewhere in the middle. He's kicking to stay afloat in a vast ocean of feelings and somehow, he's managing to just keep his head above the water. But he misses it. He misses the dives and the flying and he misses swinging back and forth between the two in a pattern. He knows the old routine like clockwork. This one is new. 

That's what he was thinking when he stopped taking his medicine a few days ago. Sure, it had made him feel kind of queasy at first but everything felt so much sharper. It wasn't hazy and happy like it was with the meds, there was no pretence. Now, he's higher than a kite in a metaphorical sense and he doesn't feel like he's ever going to crash. And he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and it seems endless, like he has no idea where the hell he's running to but he knows he's running somewhere and that's all that matters.

He only stops when he has to because his stomach suddenly heaves again and he collapses on the sidewalk, vomiting in the gutter. 

"Oh, goddamnit!" He muttered, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. He suddenly realises that his hand is soaked with sweat and that Kankri's car- and Eridan- is nowhere to be seen. He wonders how long he was running and how much time that he's lost. Fuck, it could have been hours that he was lost in his thoughts and stupid metaphors, fuck, fuck, fuck. 

It's a long time that he sits there, on the sidewalk, and just stares blankly at his mustard coloured vomit without even seeing it. He's dripping with sweat and now that he can feel the pain again, he realises that everything hurts tenfold. His heart is banging so hard against his chest that he wants to rip it out and throw it against the wall. He's just considering how he'd manage this, when he hears his name being called. 

"Sol!"

"Shoallux!" 

And suddenly, two different pairs of hands, one light and one dark, are helping him to his feet. Arms are being slid around his shoulders and then, tensed when they seem to realise that he's soaked through with sweat. 

"God, Sollux, I thought I lost you for a wwhile." 

"Fuck, fuck, I-" Words are difficult. 

"Sollux, are you-"

"How long?" It came out quietly and dryly, so he licks his lips and tries again, "How long?" 

"You only lost a few hours, Sollux. I got a pretty frantic call from Eridan around lunch. I didn't know you could run so fast!" 

"Yeah, I run." Sollux leans heavily against his boyfriend, listening to the huffing and puffing of his breath, "Eridan, I'm thorry." 

"No, I'm an idiot. Shit, I fuckin' lost you." 

"I thtopped taking them again." 

"..........."

"I didn't feel like mythelf." 

".........."

"FUCKING THAY THOMETHING." 

"Sol, please!" Eridan sounds tired, "Can wwe not do this again?" 

Again? He doesn't remember doing this a first time around. 

"You need to come home." Eridan says, "If you wwon't take ya meds, at least stay wwhere I can see ya." 

But he didn't want to come home, he hated that place. 

"Sol, can you hear me?" 

He thinks he can remember those words being spoken some time before, some hazy time before when he couldn't comprehend much. He thinks that he remembers how cold the floor was against his skin and being glad for it. And he remembers the buzzing. The buzzing that made him angry because the words merged together and made no sense. 

_"Hey, shitstain, get off the rug!" A guy. He thinks he remember his name. Car cat? Karkat. He had the same dark skin and hideous taste in sweaters as Kankri did._

_He thinks he can remembers the alcohol burning in his stomach and it steadily turning to a burning anger. He thinks that he was swaying on his feet, as he screamed at this Karkat guy. And the guy was yelling back at him, fists clenched, but he was too small to do anything. Sollux remembers the crashing sound as he... He..._

_Sollux remembers the crashing sound as he picked up a table and swung it across the room, aiming for Karkat's head._

_"You fucking piece of shit, you could have killed me!"_

_"Sollux, I hardly think that this kind of behaviour is appropriate!"_

_"Holy shit, I think he's passin' out, chief."_

_"Sol? Sol, can you hear me?"_

_Everything was hazy and faces and voices blurred until they didn't match anymore and everything was so chaotic and bright that it hurt. The only thing he could feel as he sunk to the ground was strong arms around him and he thinks it might have been Cronus that caught him. All he could think was the same thing over and over: I ruined everything, I always ruin everything._

_The next thing that he could remember was still having those strong arms carrying him but a different, smoother hand was squeezing his own limp one back to life. He knows the feeling of Eridan's hand well: he knows the softness, the bumps of freckles, the dents of rings and the way their fingers lace together like they were made to. He knows the way that Eridan always holds him tightly like he's scared that he'll slip away. He knows that Eridan's hand isn't normally damp with tears like it was then._

_"You think he's goin' to remember any of this?" Eridan's voice was beautiful as ever and Sollux found it strangely soothing._

_"Doubt it, Dan." Cronus's voice was smoother than Eridan's, less jerky. There was the drunken slur back in it. And Sollux really hates it when he refers to Eridan as Dan._

_"He's pretty vwasted, chief."_

_"I kneww I shouldn't havve let him drink."_

_"Like you could hawve stopped him."_

_"I could'vve."_

_"Jesus, I thought your boyfriend was "stable" novw."_

_"It's all my fault." Eridan sounded tearful._

_"No." Cronus said, firmly, "You didn't do nothin'." Once they were in the car, everything shifted so that Sollux was relaxing against his boyfriend and breathing in his familiar scent. He tried to talk, tried to tell Eridan that he was here and he wasn't slipping away but it only came out as soft moans. And then, he'd tried to sit up and he'd been violently sick over his boyfriend and himself._

_"Oh, that's_ real _nice." He wanted to punch Cronus's stupid face in._

Now, he flashes back to the present when Eridan and Feferi are still gripping in between them. He feels like such a wreck and he hates it more than anything, he hates how reliant he's come to be on his friends. He hates it so much that he shoves them away, in fact, ignoring Eridan's hurt noise that escapes him. Sollux crosses his arms tightly around himself, knowing that they've done more than enough for him and he's just screwing with them. And he vows to take care of himself.

"Sol-" 

"I'm fine." Sollux puts on the cheerful front that he's come to be good at in the past few weeks; bright but not too bright, "Got a little hazy there but thhit'th good now. Can we go home now?" And the pretence is worth it to see the way that Eridan's face lights up. Feferi looks a little more conflicted but she offers him a huge smile all the same, reaching out a hand to punch him lightly on the arm. And with that, they all head back home. 

"Sol, howw much of last night do you remember?" 

"Not very much." Liar. 

"You got vvery drunk." 

"Yeah." 

"Promise you wwon't do that again?"

"I promithe." And Eridan flings his arms around him, pulling him in and planting eager kisses on him. It makes Sollux tense a little but he remembers to relax and take deep breaths. The kisses are fast and wet. Not slow and drawn out like they were-

_"What the hell'th your deal?" Sollux glares, when his boyfriend pulls back abruptly and leaves his lips still wet and needy for contact. For once, Eridan actually seems to glare at him. He actually looks angry for a moment but then, he slumps back into sadness._

_"Sol." He looks defeated, "You wwere sayin' her name."_

_"What?" Sollux demands._

_"You wwere kissin' me. But you wweren't sayin' my name. You wwere yellin' for-" And that's when he thinks he sees her. He thinks he sees the dark swish of her long tangled hair, he thinks he sees the sway of her skirt, he thinks he hears the sound of her gentle laugh._

Sollux squirms in Eridan's arms because that can't have been real. 

He can't have seen her. 

She's gone. 

"Aradia!"


	18. [S]: GO TO THE AQUARIUM

When he wakes up on the first Monday of March, he finds a pair of legs tangled around his torso and his boyfriend pressing his face up against his shoulder. It's smothering and, despite the fact that Sollux is lovely and warm, it's not very comfortable. Carefully, Eridan untangles himself from the mess of arms and legs and rolls over so that he can face him instead. Sollux complains about the sunlight streaming through the window- the early spring sun- and attempts to pull the covers over his head. Eridan tugs them away from him, since he's stealing all of them anyway, and plants a kiss on his forehead instead. 

"Mornin', lovve."

"I know it ith." Sollux mumbles, lazily lifting an eye to rub at his eyes, "But I don't want it to be." 

"Did you sleep badly again?" Eridan says, cautiously. 

Ever since that... _episode_ a few weeks ago, when Sollux had spent the rest of the day insisting that Aradia was back, she was back, he'd seen her, Eridan had taken him to Kurloz with concern. Whilst the therapist had been concerned, he had also been worryingly calm. He said a mix of alcohol and manic high had probably caused a minor delusion, which was a little unusual for a bipolar sufferer but not unheard of. He also said that they could organise another med switch, if it would put Eridan's mind at ease, but that he shouldn't worry. Delusions were unlikely to occur very often and Sollux might not even experience one ever again. 

True enough, nothing of a similar nature had happened since and once Sollux accepted the fact that Aradia was NOT back, he'd been okay with it. Sure, he'd been a little upset when Kurloz had finally talked some sense into him and Eridan had to soothe him with kisses and promises that things were going to get better. But he'd calmed down quickly, said that he wished that Aradia was back, and then didn't mention it again. As Kurloz had advised, they had switched some of Sollux's meds and Eridan had coaxed him into taking them at least semi-regularly. And it had been okay, a little manic at times, but otherwise okay. 

Until one night, a week or two ago, when Sollux had woken him up in the middle of the night screaming bloody murder. It had been terrifying.

"Sol, Sol, Sol, wwe're okay, you're okay-" 

"I'm thorry, I'm thorry, I didn't mean to-" 

The nightmares had been frequent and unpleasant since but there had been no more screaming. Rather, Sollux had taken to sleep talking and would wake up sweating profusely and a little panicked until he realised where he was. As soon as he woke himself up properly, things would go on as per usual. They'd have breakfast, talk about something trivial, plan for the wedding, watch TV, and maybe go out somewhere for the day. They didn't talk much about the nightmares, only discussing briefly what they were about. Not-good things. 

"Mhm." 

"Wwhat happened this time?" 

Now, he watches as Sollux slowly blinks himself awake and for what has to be the millionth time, he's hit hard in the face by how fucking beautiful he is and it's not fair. Even with sleepy mismatched eyes and scruffy bed hair and a light sheen of sweat on his forehead, Sollux Captor manages to be gorgeous. Or maybe Eridan's just biased. But he likes to think it's the former and always elbows Cronus when he describes Sollux as being a scrawny nerd.

"It wathn't... A nightmare. Not really." 

"Oh?" 

"More of a memory. I wath jutht thinking... Dreaming... about my parentth." 

"Wwe could givve them a call if you wwant?" Eridan suggests, wondering why and how he's managed to work himself up over this. 

"No." Sollux shifts up onto his elbows and looks at him long and hard with glazed over eyes; he just looks... Faraway, "Not thothe parentth. My old oneth. _My parentth_. I'm adopted, you know?" 

"I knoww." 

"I can't remember them too well." Sollux admits, scratching his head, "But I have thethe thingth that I jutht... Thethe momentth that I jutht can't forget."

If anyone knows what he means, it's Eridan. Ever since his Mom passed away, he found his memories of her slowly beginning to slip away and after a while, there were only these brief things. The scent of her perfume, the way she'd held him on the lap, the stories she'd told him in her soft tone. Stories about pirates and wizards and fighting but she'd made it beautiful. She'd weaved it together well enough to make it beautiful. It had a great influence on him when he was younger, giving him a love for all things fantasy and wonder. Cronus reckoned it made him a "pussy". Eridan shivers and nods for his boyfriend to continue. 

"Mituna probably rememberth more, of courthe, but ath hith brain ith totally frazzled..." He shakes his head and they both think long and hard about Mituna's state of mind, "I don't know, he doethn't like to talk about thhit in the patht. Thtartth wailing before you can get two wordth out of him..." He still looks a million miles away, as if he's vanished somewhere inside his head. 

"Tell me about ya birth parents." Eridan prompts, knowing that Sollux needs a gentle push. 

"Hm..." He contemplates, a look of nostalgia on his face, "Well, my mom ith where I get my Native American thide. Not to mention my temper. Thhe could get really piththed off at me thometimeth when I fruthtrated her but thhe loved me anyway. Tough love, you know? I knew thhe loved me, even when thhe wath flapping at me in fruthtration." 

"Like my dad." Eridan says, thinking over all the times that his dad has yelled at him. There aren't many, actually- he could probably count them on one hand. His dad prefers to cold-shoulder him. Eridan can vividly remember several occasions from the age of five to now, when his dad has simply ignored him and refused to acknowledge him until he went to him in tears and begged for his dad to talk to him. Even then, his father would sometimes ignore him. 

No matter what Cronus says about him being the favourite, Eridan is jealous that his brother got yelled at. It sounds ridiculous to say but... He'd much rather his father yelled at him than ignored him. Maybe that was why Cronus acted out... So that their father would pay attention to him.... He realises that he's zoned out and that Sollux is still rambling on and snaps back to attention quickly. Talk about not paying attention. 

"- and my dad wath... I don't know. Normal, I guethth. I don't remember ath much about him." He hums softly, still regarding this with a whimsical look on his face, "He wath tholid. Big. He could lift me and MT up eathily and give piggyback rideth around the garden in the thummer." He pauses to smile softly at nothing in particular, "I can remember him uthing thethe wordth. Korean wordth. We thpoke it around the houthe all the time then but now... I can't even remember." 

"I nevver kneww you could speak Korean, Sol." 

"That'th my point! I can't!" For a moment, he almost seems frustrated but then it deflates; he sighs, looking more sad than annoyed, "But I uthed to be able to. Before." 

"Sol..." Eridan says, tentatively, knowing that he is treading on eggshells here and he's got to be careful, "I knoww you don't like to discuss it... But wwhat exactly did happen? To your parents, to Tuna? You'vve nevver told me wwhat wwent wwrong." All he knows was that it was something bad. Something really, really bad. 

"I..." Sollux licks his lips, "We were out. Icy road. Crathh. Big explothhion. Death." He uses his hands to mime an explosion, "Boom!" 

"That wwas wwonderfully specific, thank you." 

"Okay, okay. It wath a car crathh. A really, really, really bad one." Sollux pulls a face, amazingly casual for somebody talking about a traumatic experience, "Really bad. _They_ died inthtantly. Mituna hit hith head. Real bad. Damaged thome nerveth. And I wath left with a few broken boneth and thome thcratcheth. And a nathty cathe of bipolar." 

"I didn't knoww you'd gotten it because of an accident." Eridan's eyes widen, "I thought-" He thought it was something that he'd been born with and grown up with. He thought something like bipolar couldn't just be caught or got or anything. He thought it was genetic. But what did he know about it?

"The doctorth think I did already have it, mildly. I threw a lot of fitth for a kid going on thix." Sollux isn't done talking, raising his voice to shut Eridan up, "They think that trauma triggered it, to uthe that hideouth word Kankri liketh."

"So, you did havve it?" 

"I did. But it wouldn't have been anywhere near ath bad if it weren't for the accident. And Mituna... God, I lucked out." His voice has suddenly dropped to a whisper, "I lucked out. I thought I got it bad but then, I look at him and I-" He stops, "I feel tho guilty for feeling tho depreththed all the time." There's something shaky about his words and Eridan notices he's welling up just before the first tear falls. Sollux lifts a hand to wipe at his tears, looking ashamed. 

"Sol-" 

"What the fuck ith wrong with me?" Sollux's shoulders shake, as he breathes in and out, quickly and heavily. 

"Sol-" 

"Thith ith why I'm thuch a bad perthon. I feel tho bad. It wath the thame all over again with Aradia. I thhould have been the one to die, not her. Becauthe I pull all thith thtupid thhit and jethuth, I can't do thith anymore, Eridan, I can't live with thith kind of guilt. I keep thcrewing everybody over and I can't let it happen with you ath well-" 

"Shhh." Eridan gently pulls him back in for a hug and doesn't even flinch when he feels how damp Sollux's face is against his neck, "Shhhh. I knoww. It's hard. But ya not a bad person, Sol." His shoulders are still shaking, as he inhales sharply and frequently, like he can't get enough air, "You're a great boyfriend and a good friend and there's no use wworryin' about things that havve already happened." Slowly, the sobs come to a stop, "Noww, havve ya forgotten wwhat today is?"

"What?" 

"It's date day, Sol." When he draws back, Sollux sniffles but he manages a small smile at that, "Noww, I'm gonna go sort ya meds. Then, wwe're gonna havve breakfast. And then, Cro is gonna drivve us into towwn." 

"I don't want that prick to come." Sollux sulks. It's true that the pair of them have managed to build up a fearsome hatred, worse on some days than on others. They enjoy arguing, both of them wanting to have the last word on the matter, but it seems to only be banter on the surface. Eridan's sure that there's something between them he's not seeing, some real hatred. Sollux is forever rambling about Cronus being an idiot and Cronus is always complaining about Sollux being reckless. Neither of them seem to realise how much they have in common. 

"He's my brother!" Albeit, not a great one, but still. Eridan moved to the edge of the bed and swung his legs out, getting to his feet and already missing the warmth of the bed. Ah, oh well. Today was going to be a good day, now that they'd gotten the difficult shit out of the way, he could just feel it. From here, he could already hear Kankri bustling in their kitchen (like a mother hen) and humming as he cooked. He could also hear the obnoxious drawling tone of his older brother, probably flirting with the therapist. Badly. 

"I didn't mean CN. I can deal with that prick. I meant KK." 

"Kankri's an angel and you can shut ya mouth." 

"He's _tho_ degrading." 

"He's also makin' our breakfast, so I suggest you keep ya complaints to yourself." Eridan smiles at him and Sollux flips him off as he gets out of bed and they head out of the room, across to the kitchen, together. Sollux trails a little behind, rubbing at his eyes to make sure that any evidence of any tears is gone. Upon spotting them, Kankri smiles and greets them.

"Morning, Eridan, Sollux." He eyes Sollux for a second longer before returning to sliding food onto plates. Somehow, he's managed to cook a proper breakfast yet again and Eridan wonders where he's getting the supplies. His suspicions are confirmed when he spots a few bags of grocery on the kitchen counter. 

"Your brother gave me the money." Kankri says, seeming to sense a protest coming, "I have no qualms about spending it and you shouldn't either."

"Psychoanalysing doesn't make you much, huh?" Sollux says, with a snobbish tone to his voice, "What, people don't like paying you to poke around in their heads?"

"Sol!" Eridan scolds, smacking him lightly on the arm. Sollux grins. 

"It's quite alright, Eridan. I'm quite accustomed to receiving remarks from Mr Captor." Kankri points at him with a spoon and the sight of somehow amusing, "He's quite the, forgive me for cursing, ass." Something about Kankri swearing is also amusing because he blushes as he says of and makes Eridan snicker. 

"Oh, just sit down!" Kankri waves the spoon at him, mock threatening, until Eridan takes the seat beside his brother at the kitchen table. 

"'Ey, chief." Cronus greets, cigarette unlit in his mouth and no sign of a lighter, "Vwhat's up?" 

"Wwhy'vve ya got that crap in ya mouth again?" Eridan wonders aloud, pointing at it. In return, he receives a shrug. 

"Quittin's harder than it looks, Dan."

"Eridan." Sollux corrects, as he slips into his favoured seat.

"ED." Cronus sneers at him. 

"Your mom."

"Ya mom."

"Neither of you havve moms." Thankfully, the ridiculous situation comes to a neat end when Kankri returns and begins to lay out food on the table for them. This earns him a surprisingly gentle kiss from Cronus, which makes Eridan squirm and Sollux wrinkle his nose in disgust. Kankri grins, a rarely seen sight, as he sits down close to Cronus and lays a hand on his. Breakfast is a cheerful affair, full of teasing and a lot of remarks exchanged by Cronus and Sollux. Neither of them run out of original material and Eridan just about chokes when his boyfriend accuses his brother of being "a greather wannabe that couldn't chew the cock off a donkey". 

After breakfast, they have to get ready for the day out and everybody retreats to their respective rooms. It takes some chiding but Eridan finally gets the Gemini looking for some decent clothing, after he informs him that Karkat's coming and they need to make a better impression this time around. 

"Hurry up, Sol, the others wwill be here soon." Eridan is sat on the bed, ready, and watching his boyfriend. 

"You didn't tell me that anybody elthe wath coming." comes the loud groan from where Sollux is shifting through the laundry to see if anything is still clean enough for him to wear again; Eridan did voice his disgust but got no response, "Eridan, what the fuck, you never tell me anything."

"It's just Fef. And I think she's bringin' one of her friends. And Kan's brother and possibly his boyfriend." 

"Great. Fithh punth, two Vantatheth and two mythtery guethtth. What could go wrong?" Sollux turns just so he can roll his eyes at him. 

"You knoww all your clean laundry's on the bed?" Eridan gestures to it. Down the hallway, he can hear his brother involved in a similar debate with his boyfriend about how skinny his jeans could be before they bordered on inappropriate. Judging by Cronus's whiny tone, Kankri was winning and the greaser would be wearing looser pants today. 

"... I knew that." Sollux huffs at him, looking frustrated, storming over and quickly finding some clothes to pull on. Just in time too because it's just as he's pulling his shirt on that there was a knock on the door, which Kankri called he could get. Then, Eridan could hear the sound of Karkat Vantas in the doorway. He could hear because Karkat Vantas was obnoxiously loud and yelling obscenities before he could even get halfway through the door. After checking Sollux was presentable, Eridan headed out into the corridor to greet their guests. 

"Good morning, Kar." He says, upon spotting the small dark skinned man looking grumpy in the hall. 

"Good morning, Captain Sunshine." Karkat returns, in a husky voice that Eridan blames on exhaustion; he looks exhausted too with dark shadows under his eyes and a bad case of "I couldn't get my hair under control today so I just left it messy and called it a style", "What's got you in such a good mood? Got your boyfriend under control today?" 

"Jutht about, Vantath, jutht about." Sollux shakes the guy's hand, making Karkat fume, "What'th up? You look piththed. Are we really thuch bad company?" 

"He always looks like that." Kankri says, as if he were admiring how adorable his puppy was, "I think it's an attempt to hide his own inadequacy through pointing out the flaws of others." 

"Or maybe you're just a dick and I'm tired of dealing with your shit." Karkat suggests. 

"Ladies, ladies, you're both pretty." Some guy wearing shades steps between them before Karkat can throttle his older brother, (he looks fully prepared to), "Play nice." Karkat directs his glare at him and the guy offers him a stoic look in exchange and no word of a lie, the Vantas boy seems to melt. His anger stays on his face but something in his eyes softens in a very lovey-dovey way. Eridan doesn't dare comment. 

After that, it's only a matter of waiting for Feferi and her friend to arrive. They all retreat back to the main room, where only having one couch seems to be an issue, because Sollux immediately snatches it up and insists on having Eridan on his lap. This proves to be a problem because Sollux is a twiggy individual and Eridan is considerably heavy. They end up spending half an hour playing musical chairs until they finally adjust so that the Gemini is laying across his lap. 

Both Karkat and Kankri seem to find this irritating; both of them sat on the floor and shoulder to shoulder, they do look awfully similar with their eyebrows pulled together in mild frustration. Karkat's boyfriend, apparently called Dave, is too cool to sit down and would rather lean against the wall with his phone out and ignore them all. Karkat scolds him. 

"'Ey, it's a party up in 'ere." Cronus comments, smirking, as he collapses on top of Sollux's legs and makes him yell, "Look at this, the vwhole gang's together." From the looks of things, Kankri won the argument about his pants because they're nowhere near as tight as usual. 

"Get out!" Sollux squawks from underneath him. 

"Ampora." Karkat says, flatly. 

"Yes?" Cronus and Eridan respond, scarily in sync. 

"Fuck." Sollux grumbles, seemingly giving up on trying to wriggle out from underneath Cronus. Eridan pats his fiancé on the head and smiles at him. "Eri..." 

" _Honey..._ " Eridan says, patronisingly, grinning when he gets bopped on the nose in response. Finally, there's a knock on the door and Eridan leaps up to answer it, knocking both Sollux and Cronus to the floor in a heap of stupidity and issues. He rushes to open the door, where he comes face-to-face with his best friend, who squeals and throws her arms around him. She smells like fresh sea salt. 

"ERIFIN!" 

"Bloody hell, Fef!" He rolls his eyes, as she squeezes him tight, "Wway to keep us all wwaitin'." 

"Don't be such a beach." She scoffs but she's grinning as she pulls back, "So, we're all ready to go?" 

"Yeah..." Eridan finds his gaze drawn to the woman a little behind her, arms crossed and clothes revealing; her skirt barely reached her thighs and her shirt was cut low enough to show some cleavage, "Introduce us, Fef, cod." 

"Oh!" Feferi seems to remember her friend and gestures to her, "This is my new frond, Damara! We met at work!" 

"Hey Damz." Cronus's smug voice comes from behind Eridan and when he turns, he finds his older brother leaning over him, "I can call ya Damz, right?" There's a hiss from the Japanese girl, who pulls a face at him, looking at him as if he's a literal piece of trash. She flips him off, muttering something under her breath about "man whores" and "needy virgins". Eridan laughs, making Damara raise her eyebrows at him. 

"Now, now, Cronus, please refrain from offending our guest." Kankri appears, taking on the role of chaperone and sweeping everybody out into the warm spring air- after he's even managed to coax Sollux out, he closes the door behind him, "Now, since there's eight of us, we should just about fit into my car if we squeeze." 

"Ya can sit on my lap, chief." Cronus suggests, winking. 

"You can sit on the floor if you keep that attitude up." Kankri scolds, "Now-" 

Shutting out the sound of Kankri rambling about safety, Eridan falls back to wrap an arm around his boyfriend's waist. He knows that he's been concerned about going out since that incident a few weeks ago and it took a lot to talk him into this date to the aquarium. In fact, Eridan had to plead with him but eventually, he won him over. Mainly because he told Sollux about just how much he loves the aquarium. Now, he smiles up at him and squeezes him, making Sollux grin in response. 

"Hey." Eridan breathes. 

"Hey." Sollux replies, "It'th nice out, isn't it? A lot warmer and hey, look, thunlight. Careful, Eridan, you might get burnt thtanding out in thith." The sunlight is so scarce that he's definitely teasing. 

"Fuck off." Eridan elbows him. Sollux stamps on his foot. And suddenly, they're grappling with each other, pushing and shoving lightly. 

"Eridan, Sollux-" Kankri turns to them, just in time to spot them play fighting with each other, and lets out an over exaggerated sigh, "Can you two of you please behave and sit yourselves in the car?" They seem to have scored the middle row, since Feferi, Dave, and Karkat are tucked away in the back already. For the first time, Sollux seems to notice Damara and swallows hard, going very pale suddenly. He pulls Eridan in, quickly, to whisper in his ear. 

"Pleathe don't make me thit next to her." Eridan doesn't have time to question it because he's being shoved in the car after Damara, forced to sit next to this girl he's never met. It's enough to make him sweat and to make his heart hammer in his chest. He tugs nervously on the hem of his shirt. 

"Is everybody fucking happy now? Can we go?" Karkat calls from the backseat, "Does anybody want to throw a hissy fit? We've still got time." 

"Wow, I wonder who that wath directed at..." Sollux mumbles. 

"You did throw a table at him." Eridan reminds him, making him wince at the memory. 

"Are we all ready to leave now?" Kankri's in the driver's seat, thankfully, not Cronus, "Did everybody use the bathroom?" 

"Yes, Mom." Eridan says and his boyfriend laughs. He forgot how wonderful it was to hear him laugh properly like that. It's such a sweet, melodic sound. 

Today was going to be a very good day.


	19. [S]: GO TO THE AQUARIUM

By the time they reach the aquarium, Feferi is bouncing frantically up in her seat with excitement like a little kid, Eridan is grinning wider than he's ever seen before, and even Sollux is feeling vaguely pumped. He's not quite bouncing up and down or giggling like an idiot but he hopes that squeezing Eridan's hand tightly will tell him how glad he is to be here. For once, he's so glad to be alive and he wonders if it's the meds or if it's his boyfriend and their great friends. Kankri parks up and suddenly, Feferi and Eridan are unleashed, screaming and "-EXCIT--ED", on the world. Sollux finds himself being pulled along by the pair of them. 

"Sol, c'mon!" Eridan insists, tugging frantically on his arm, "I'm not gettin' any younger here!" 

"The aquatic creatures can wait until we've done a group check." Kankri slams the car door after him authoritatively and makes Sollux roll his eyes. Regardless, he plays along with it, as Kankri does a head count as if one of them would have escaped already and assigns them all a partner. It's like being in kindergarten all over again. Unsurprisingly, Sollux ends up with Eridan and whilst he's hoping to linger at the back of the group, his boyfriend doesn't let him and he ends up leading instead. He hopes that Damara, somehow, hasn't managed to spot him yet or doesn't recognise him or something. Please, anything. He doesn't want to have the conversation with her. He doesn't want to talk about Aradia. Please, dear god, don't let the perfect day be ruined by Aradia. 

"Can we please go in now?" Feferi is clearly going to flip her shit if she doesn't see a cuttlefish right the fuck now, tapping her foot impatiently, so Kankri finally relents and lets them head inside. With an Eridan clinging to his arm and chattering on and on and on until it becomes a gentle hum like the sound of bees in the summer, Sollux crosses the parking lot and heads inside the aquarium. His boyfriend is still acting like a child and it's nice to have the roles reversed for once, he's sure they'd both agree. 

"I'm going to purchase tickets, whilst the rest of you wait here." Kankri instructs, before heading to the desk, where a familiar face is situated. Upon spotting her, Sollux realises that he has to go say hi. Waving Eridan away for a moment and promising that he'll be back, Sollux hurries after the therapist and greets the girl behind the desk. 

"Hey Meenah. You got out then?" When the woman glances up, a large smile spreads across her face and she flicks her hair, popping her bubblegum. Kankri looks disgusted. 

"Damn straight, guppy. Blew that joint not long after you left, actually. Gots out on accounts of good behaviour. It's nice to see ya pullin' shit together, Captor. Hey, is that Feferi with you?" The braided girl waved a hand in the direction of the curly haired girl, grinning a little coyly at her. 

"Thure." He corrected himself, "I mean, _thhore_." That made her grin wider, "Do you know her?" 

"That's my lil sis!" Meenah proclaims, loudly, seeming to catch Feferi's attention because she turned to wave, "Hey lil sis, how's it goin'?" Upon glancing between the pair, Sollux does see the resemblance between them, just a little. Their skin is the same dark shade but Feferi's hair is bubblegum pink and Meenah's is dark and they both have differently structured faces. Meenah looks more mature, Feferi looks more like a high schooler. 

"Can you just get us tickets so we can go inside already?" Feferi calls back, gesturing to her watch, sounding more than a little irritated, "Some of us reely want to sea the cuttlefish!" The expression on her face is not one of somebody speaking to their sibling. In fact, she looks oddly cold and distant for Feferi. She draws closer to Damara and mutters something to her, making the older girl tut. 

"She still gots a fish bone to pick with me, I guess." Meenah sighs in disappointment and she begins to punch numbers into the cash register, frowning over their annoyingly large group, "Cod, you don't gots to bring a whole parade with ya, Shoallux. Way to boast." Eventually, she hands over the tickets to Kankri and offers Sollux a brief high-five and a grin before they return to the rest of the group. He can't help wondering what the Peixes family deal is. 

"Okay, everybody, this way..." Kankri is still insistent on playing chaperone, gesturing towards the entrance, and leading the group that way. Somehow, Sollux ends up trapped between Feferi and Cronus as they head inside and the smell of overly sweet perfume and bad cologne and sweat and sea salt collide to make him gag. He guesses that he can't smell any better, so he sucks it up, and decides to suffer in silence. 

"Hey, how'd you know my sister?" Feferi asks suddenly, playing with the strings of her pink hoodie absentmindedly, looking almost... Deflated. As if all the excitement has suddenly drained from her and left her rather flat, like an old balloon. It's strange to see her like that, when she's normally so bubbly and bright. She's normally so pink and now, she just seems a dreary grey. 

"Pthychiatric ward." Sollux shrugs, trying not to look embarrassed that he'd stayed in such a place. Everybody must know where he was anyway. 

"Oh." Feferi pauses, "Kelptomania?" The fish pun almost makes him grin. 

"Kleptomania, yeah." Sollux takes pity on her, unable to stand the disappointed look on her face, and slings an arm around her shoulders, "Hey. Today'th your day, don't forget. Who wath it that recommended the aquarium to me for a date? Who thaid that ED would love it? Who thought it would be fun to invite the entire gang? Who wath it, FF?" 

"Me..." Feferi brightens a little, a smile tugging at the corners of her pink lips, "You're right, Captain Shoallux. Today's meant to be fun. Can't let old problems get me down." _What old problems?_ He wonders, but doesn't ask. 

"Today ain't about fun, today's about gettin' laid." Cronus corrects, leaning in so that Sollux can smell the smoke on his breath and see far too much of his chest because of the awful neckline of his shirt, "Ain't that right, Cap?" 

"Thure thing, CN." Sollux winks at him sarcastically, "You think you can handle thith?" He gestures to his scrawny body enthusiastically, making the older Ampora snort. 

"Depends, you think you can handle a dick of awverage size unlike ole Dan's owver there?" 

"Why, do you know thomebody that hath one?" 

"Buoys, buoys, _please_!" But Feferi is giggling nonetheless, "There are children in here. Keep it down! Sollux, come on! I want to show you the jellyfish, I think you're going to like them a lot!" Before he can protest, he can finds that he's being dragged off in the direction of the jellyfish and just like that, the entire group disperses and spreads out. He's vaguely aware of Kankri calling something about meeting for lunch but he's not listening, he's half-jogging to keep up with the overexcited Feferi. She's fast when she's eager and he loses sight of their friends quickly. 

Of course, she's right as usual, and he actually does find the jellyfish to be fascinating. He can't describe what it is about them that draws him to them but maybe it's the stingers or the bright colours or the way they seem oddly at peace as they float through the water. There's one particular breed, yellow jellyfish, that he decides he likes the most. He can't stop staring in fascination. In the end, Feferi has to take him by the wrist and pull him away because they have a lot to get through and apparently, one day is hardly enough to cover it all. Plus, she really wants to see the cuttlefish, as soon as they've seen the starfish and the crabs and everything else, of course. She wants to see everything. 

Feferi is an amazing guide, actually, pointing out everything interesting and it isn't long before a small crowd have gathered to listen to her. There's more than one enthralled child looking up at her in wonder and the crowd makes him a little uneasy. Sollux takes this as his cue to leave and trails off to see if he can find Eridan. To his annoyance, his boyfriend is nowhere in sight. The only person he manages to find from his group is Karkat, who has his nose pressed up against the crab tank. He can't resist poking him, making him jump about five feet in the air. 

"Careful, might get your nothe pinched. You might end up even uglier than you are already." 

"Well, if it isn't the infamous shithead himself, Solllux Captor. What've you got to throw at me this time? A chair this time, maybe?" 

"I withh I did. Maybe if I knocked you out, you'd thhut your mouth for five whole thecondth." 

"I can assure you that I could verbally whoop your ass even unconscious."

"No need to bring out the kinky thhit." 

"No, I brought that out to use on your mom last night." Karkat rolls his eyes and resumes watching the crabs, hammering his left fist against the glass, "You better get your asses into gear, you little shits." There's no response from the crabs but Sollux swears that they look just as pissed as the short man annoying them. None of them move. 

"No needy to be tho crabby, KK." He says, dodging out of the way as Karkat swipes at him. 

"Fuck off, you ignorant sack of shit." Karkat pauses, "What the fuck did you call me?" 

"KK." Sollux shrugs, "Have you theen ED around?" 

"Your nicknames are almost as dumb as you and that's saying something." Karkat scoffs, "And no, I haven't seen your lame boyfriend. I'm surprised he's not munching on your dick like he normally is." 

"Thankth, Vantath." Sollux smacks him on the back as he passes, "Hope your virgin athth gets laid thometime thoon." He hears yells of protests after him but he just chuckles and continues on his way, pausing briefly to look at some more interesting exhibits. But there are only so many times he can look at something and think "oh, wow, cool fish" before he grows steadily bored. He's just wondering if anybody would notice if he snuck out and crept across the street to the comic book store he spotted, when a pair of arms slide around his waist. 

"I see you'vve found the _silurus asotus_."

"What?" 

Eridan reaches up to press kisses to his face. 

"Japanese catfish. Ugly things." 

"Hey, now." He blinks at the tank, looking a little closer, and the thought streaks through his mind as fast as lightning: _Aradia would have liked these_. They were pretty ugly looking, which would have meant that she instantly would have taken a liking to them. He smiles fondly, feeling that peculiar feeling like a stab in the heart, before she escapes his mind again and he turns to embrace his boyfriend instead. He's leapt on and suddenly, Sollux is being pinned against the tank for a kissing session. He hopes that the catfish aren't staring, stupid fuckers. 

"Hey." Sollux grins, as soon as Eridan has to come up for air. 

"Hey." He trails his hands over him, before releasing Sollux from his grip, "I saww you got caught by Fef on the wway in. Sorry, she gets excited." 

"You're both fithh nerdth, I get it." He dismisses, patting Eridan's head mockingly. 

"You're a loser." 

"Thayth you." 

Eridan chuckles. "I wwant to showw you somethin', Sol." 

"Yeah?" To his mild annoyance and intrigue, his boyfriend just grins and takes him tightly by the hand. And just as Feferi did earlier, he begins to drag him away without giving him a chance to realise where they're going. He's vaguely aware of them hurrying down a blue corridor, past the tanks of seahorses that he thought they were heading towards, around the corner, pushing past Kankri and his boyfriend and down another corridor. They end up in a small room, dark, unoccupied, looking like it should be shut off. Eridan leads him eagerly to the fish tank and pokes at it, waiting for his reaction. 

"Brachygobius." 

"Wha-?" It takes Sollux a moment to spot them but when he does, he smiles. 

"They're also knowwn as Bumblebee Gobies because they look sorta like bees. I thought you'd like them. It's cool, right?" He's looking to Sollux for the seal of approval but he's too busy pressing his nose up against the glass to stare at these beautiful fish. They all flock to him, obviously recognising him as some sort of leader. 

"You're a bloody bee magnet."

"Aren't they beautiful?" 

"Wwe can get some if you really wwant." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah. They sell 'em at most pet stores. And..." Tugging on his arm to get his attention, Eridan glances around to check that they're alone and none of their strange friends are lurking in the shadows. Then, he fumbles in his pocket for a moment before drawing out a small purple box. For a moment, Sollux is terrified that his boyfriend has bought him an overly flashy ring and he's fully prepared to say that it's lovely, no matter how horrific it is. Eridan flips the box open and shows him the ring, making his jaw drop. 

It's not flashy or tacky or anything like that, nothing like the million rings that Eridan owns. In fact, it's quite small; a simple gold band with small crystals in it, yellow and black ones that are shaped to be like a tiny bee. It's perfect and he hopes it shows on his face because he can't find any words to express how he feels. Wordlessly, Eridan takes him by the hand and his fingers are cold as always but sweating and Sollux wonders if he was nervous about it. Then, he slides the ring onto Sollux's finger and it fits perfectly. It's perfect, everything is perfect. Sollux can't even remember the last time everything was perfect. 

He pulls Eridan in for a long kiss, hoping to express everything he can in it because if he talks, he'll say something stupid and the moment will shatter. This time, he makes sure to hold the kiss as long as he can and they're both gasping for breath when he draws away. Eridan looks like he might cry but seems to remember how lame he'd look and swallows hard. They embrace again, wrapping their arms around each other, and stay there for a long moment. Because, for one long moment, everything is perfect.

Eventually, Eridan licks his lips and speaks, his voice muffled against Sollux's chest. 

"Wwe should be headin' to lunch. Kan wwill flip his shit if wwe aren't there." 

"Thith ith why I didn't want him to come, you know." Sollux groans. 

"Oh, shush. Let's go, Sol." Eridan's hand creeps back into his and grips him tightly, his fingers sliding in between Sollux's. Together, they begin to head towards the exit, admiring the rest of the fish as they go. It takes a long time, definitely over an hour, because Eridan keeps stopping to gawp in total awe. Sollux would find this annoying but it's actually adorable- especially when he begins to bubble over with facts about seahorses- so he lets it slide and only teases a little. 

"Hey, Eridan, don't bully the poor fithh." 

"I ain't bullyin', I'm lookin'."

"Your ugly face ith probably thcaring them." 

"Go fuck yourself." But he's laughing as he punches Sollux lightly on the arm. 

When they do finally reach the exit, Kankri is already there and looking flustered. That man really can't relax for five minutes, can he? Sollux mutters this to Eridan and gets a chuckle and then a look of disapproval. 

"You only like him because he cookth for you." 

"That's not true. I like that he keeps our apartment tidy too." They both snicker childishly, "Sol, _look_." Eridan makes a soft noise that Sollux has grown used to hearing, since it's the same noise he uses when rom-coms end happily, "Look at Cro." He's whispering because Cronus and Kankri aren't standing too far away. Eridan is pointing eagerly at where his therapist is hanging off his brother's arm, gripping tightly. As they watch, Cronus leans in and kisses Kankri gently. There's kind of innocent, loving looks on both of their faces that Sollux doesn't think he's ever seen. He scrunches up his nose in disgust and Eridan elbows him. 

That's when Kankri seems to notice him and he swears that a blush spreads across the smaller man's face but he looks away too quickly for Sollux to be sure. Still, the Captor doesn't think he's ever seen the Vantas stand close to anyone let alone cling to them. 

"Hey Cro." Eridan drags Sollux over. 

"Dan, Cap." Cronus ruffles first his younger brother's hair, then the Gemini's with his spare hand; Kankri is still hanging off the other but looking embarrassed about it, biting his lip. 

"Hey KK." Sollux prods the therapist in the ribs, making him scowl. 

"Lux." Kankri nods firmly, "Have you seen either Damara, Feferi, Karkat, or Strider?" 

"Not in a long time." He replies, thinking with an amusement that Kankri refers to the douchebag as only Strider not Dave, "Guethth they're thtill looking around. FF'th probably thtill playing tour guide for everybody. God, thhe wath going on about thome weird coral or thomething when I left." 

"She could talk for hours like that. In fact, I'vve seen her talk for hours like that. I had to bribe her wwith the gift shop the last time that wwe came here. Wwe're be lucky if she's evver willin' to leavve." Eridan chuckles and Kankri groans.

As it turns out, the others take their time in turning up. By the time the girls make an appearance, Sollux is sat against the wall with Eridan leaning against his shoulder, murmuring in his ear every now and again to make him grin. Kankri refuses point blank to sit on the floor or on Cronus's lap, so he stays standing and crossing his arms huffily. He keeps muttering about how he told them to meet here at one and it's nearly three now, that they're going to be having dinner and not lunch at this rate. Eridan and Cronus both complain that they rushed through too fast and want to go back. Sollux entertains himself by completing at least seventy levels of Tetris on his boyfriend's fancy phone. 

When Feferi bounds through the door, Sollux looks up to smile at her. She beams back, waving enthusiastically, and it seems that she's cheered up since this morning. He does not smile at Damara Medigo, who is trailing after his friend, but he looks away upon seeing her. She looks just as he remembers her; irritated, horny, terrifying. That's part of the reason that he's afraid to approach her because Damara has kicked ass before and he's seen her. He can't look at her, not when he remembers that the last time he can remember seeing her is just before he took Aradia out in the shitty car, promising he'd have her back before eleven. He never got her back before eleven. He never got her back. Her crumpled body flashes before his eyes and he swallows and Eridan must notice him tense because he elbows him. 

"Wwhat's up?" 

"I'll tell you later." When he glances up, he catches the dark eye of Damara by mistake. Her eyebrows seem to pull together for a moment as she thinks before she half-raises a hand in greeting before changing her mind and moving to stand beside Feferi. She doesn't say a word, neither does he. Most likely both thinking of Aradia, they both avoid each other's stares out of courtesy and Sollux hopes his face isn't burning too obviously. 

Dave and Karkat are arm in arm when they arrive and show no signs of separating as everybody gets to their feet and head towards the double doors. Kankri is still grumbling and Damara is still scowling at the floor as if it's personally insulted her but otherwise, everybody seems to be in high spirits. Much to her delight, Feferi manages to win a piggyback from Cronus and is clinging to his back- he seems to have some sort of brotherly affection for her and though he teases, he doesn't even take the chance to grab her butt- as they head across the parking lot to the restaurant that Kankri assures them he has checked all reviews for and seems suitable. He doesn't seem to realise that most of them would be willing to eat off the floor, they're so hungry by this point. Sollux would, at least. Eridan scoffs at him and jabs him in the ribs. 

"Gross!" 

"You're grothth, you nerd." 

"You dork, I'm gonna kick your ass." 

"Fight me." 

"Ah, young love." comes the smug tone from Dave Strider, who is observing them with no visible interest. Sollux just flips him off and continues to bump hips with his boyfriend as they walk, ignoring the disapproving looks that they're earning from Kankri. They reach the restaurant and at Karkat's request, take the large table in the corner. Insults are poked and names are called and Kankri has already had a water pitcher emptied over his head by his frustrated brother by the time they actually get around to ordering food. He's very soggy and disgruntled but Karkat is dying of laughter in the corner. After drinks are ordered, Sollux is among the first to embark on the alcohol with Eridan carefully monitoring his intake. He still drinks enough to feel pleasantly tipsy and warm inside.

"Feelin' good, bee?" 

"I love you." 

"I'll take that as a yes. I lovve you too." 

As always, Eridan leans towards the more extravagant side of the menu and Sollux is more in favour of the greasiest foods he can find. As it turns out, it doesn't really matter because nobody sticks to their individual meals except Kankri and Damara, who both look ready to strangle anybody that get their grubby hands near the food. Sollux can't help but notice that midway through, Damara excuses herself to use the bathroom and comes back stinking of smoke and possibly marijuana. He hates himself for noticing this and tells himself to focus more on throwing fries at Karkat, who has announced it to be war. They only stop when a waiter informs that they'll have to leave if they continue causing havoc. Karkat throws a fry at the miserable bastard when his back is turned and misses. Sollux snickers. 

Afterwards, everybody piles in the car to head back to the apartment and again, nobody stays in their seats. Somehow, Sollux ends up with a Feferi that is definitely drunker than him sat on his lap. He can tell because she's giggling even more than usual and can't manage to get full sentences out, breaking down to laugh about fish puns every time she tries. In fact, the only people that don't seem vaguely drunk are Kankri- who abstains, as always- and Eridan, who is monitoring Sollux as closely as he guesses a mom would. This makes him snigger, kissing at him whenever he can, making him smirk. Damara isn't necessarily drunk but she's definitely smoked enough of whatever she has in her purse to be totally out of it. She's staring at nothing and frowning. Sollux almost feels bad but he's too busy snickering at Cronus's attempts to flirt with Karkat and the smaller man screaming at him. 

"Soooolluuuxx." Feferi makes grabby hands at him like a child and with great difficulty, Sollux hoists her up in his arms and carries her inside. She's heavy and he swears his weedy arms almost snap under her weight. Kankri deems everybody just about too drunk to get home and convinces everybody to stay the night easily- though, he does not ask either Eridan or Sollux if they mind having everybody stay in their apartment. They stay up a little longer, all of them draped over the room sleepily, and Sollux finds himself resting against Karkat. The short man exchanges remarks with him but it's more witty banter than arguments, both of them snorting with laughter. 

When it's late enough, Kankri orders everybody to bed but there's no where near enough space. Damara snatches the couch for herself and Feferi, hiccuping, offers to sleep with her "but not like that, oh my cod". There's just about enough room for the two of them to curl around each other- Damara looks rather unhappy but too lazy to protest about it. She only speaks to Sollux once over the course of the evening, just before he heads to bed, and it's to ask if she can smoke in here. He nods and tells her that he keeps his smokes in his desk drawer if she needs any, as a sort of consolation for everything that's happened, and she just shrugs at him. 

"I no understand." She feigns, (he knows she did understand, her english is pretty good), but he just decides to leave it. 

With Kankri and Cronus in the spare room, it leaves the other four to fall into Sollux's bed together. It creaks dangerously under their combined weight but seems to withhold just about. It's strange to have Karkat lying on his left, rambling on, and Eridan on his right, grinning at him. It's not too comfortable and somebody's knee is pressed into his back and he knows that somebody will definitely end up on the floor by the morning but somehow, it seems like the perfect end to the perfect day. To have friends and a fiancé and know that he won't be too hungover in the morning and that everything is just great. 

He falls asleep to the sound of Karkat and Dave slobbering all over each other on the other side of the bed and wondering if him and Eridan sound that pathetic when they make out. God, he hopes not, and kicks Karkat for good measure. 

"Fuck off, Captor." 

"Thcrew you, Vantath."


	20. ACT TWO: Part Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short but if it didn't need to be long. There's probably going to be one more chapter before the next intermission. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and apologises for the sporadic upd8s.

Much to his annoyance, he comes around at two or three in the morning and hates himself for it. Eridan isn't one to sleep restlessly but he has his bad nights just like everybody else and right now, he could do with a trip to the bathroom. Falling asleep without using it was a stupid idea.  
Peeling his boyfriend off him, he slides out of bed as quietly as he can and crosses the room. He's careful not to knock Dave's arm, which is hanging over the edge of the bed. He does pause briefly to smirk at Karkat wrapped around his boyfriend and Dave's sunglasses knocked half off his face. Then, he heads out into the hallway. 

There's a light on in the kitchen and he frowns at it for a moment, before supposing that they just forgot to to turn it off. He figures that he'll sort it in a second and makes his way into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him and locking it to keep any hungover friends out. He pisses, washes his hands, peers in the mirror for a moment at the way his hair has gone limp and flopped in his face, before shutting the light off, and heading to the kitchen. He's about to flick the light off, when he spots a figure at the table. Eridan almost screams, before realising that it's his therapist. 

"Kan. You're still up." 

"Eridan." Kankri checks his bookmark is in place and then, flips his book closed, "How surprising it is to see you awake. Keep your voice down, please, Miss Megido and Miss Peixes are asleep over there." He gestured across the room to the couch, where the two girls could just about be made out in the dim light. One of them was snoring softly- probably Fef. He's heard her snore before, back when they had dated in college and she'd stayed the night a few times. 

"I wwas just pissin'." He notices Kankri wince at the crude language and wonders if that's the same face that he pulls when Sollux makes dick jokes, "Wwhat are ya doin' up? Shouldn't you be cuddlin' wwith Cro?" 

"I have problems sleeping." Kankri dismisses quickly, as if he doesn't want to talk about it, "So does Karkat, he was out here earlier. But he... Let's say "conked out" around an hour ago because of the alcohol, so I took him back to bed." Kankri does not look strong enough to achieve this and Eridan is impressed that he managed to haul Karkat all that way without waking anyone, "Your brother is yet to notice that I slipped out post-coitus." 

"He's hammered." 

"That's a rather blunt way of putting it but you're correct. A lot of people drank past their bodily limits tonight." Kankri shakes his head in disapproval; Eridan smiles fondly at him, "Are you staying? Should I pull up a chair for you?" He pats the seat beside him, almost hopeful. 

"Nah, I gotta get back to sleep." Eridan yawns on cue, stifling it with his hand, "Sorry to hear about ya insomnia." He tries and fails to think of something else to say, "Havve a good night, Kan." Trying to pretend he didn't see the disappointment sweep across Kankri's face briefly, he turns and heads back to his room. Eridan feels bad for leaving his therapist alone and wonders how often he sits awake with a book like that. He crawls back into bed, sneaking into Sollux's arms, and his boyfriend whines sleepily at being disturbed. 

"Eri-"

"Go back to sleep, bee." Eridan soothes, enjoying the familiar smell of junk food and cotton that all of Sollux's shirts seemed to be infused with. And, upon hearing a mumbled agreement from his boyfriend, he fell back into a steady sleep. This time, he doesn't stir. 

When he wakes up properly, it's because somebody on the opposite side of the bed is getting up and the slight sound of the bed creaking is enough to wake him. Judging by the grumbled complaints, Karkat's awake and moving around. In the distance, the sound of movement further away proves that Kankri or Cronus is awake too. He wonders if Kankri slept. Turning to check the clock, Eridan discovers that it's late morning and that his boyfriend too is beginning to wake. He knows this because Sollux's arms are quick to creep around him. 

He grunts in Eridan's ear as a greeting and his morning breath is foul and smells faintly like liquor still. Sollux nips at his ear, his lips warm and his teeth sharp like fangs. Because of all these things, Eridan pushes him off- harder than he intended to- and his boyfriend grumbles as he rolls across the bed and ends up taking Dave with him over the edge. 

"What the fuck-?" comes Dave's sleepy surprise, as he hits the ground with a thump. 

"Get the fuck off." Sollux mumbles in response and Eridan gets out of bed and steps over the pair of them slumped on the floor so that he can get to the door. He makes sure to nudge Sollux with the side of his foot on his way out, offering him a smirk. The Gemini just curses at him, making a half hearted attempt to grab Eridan by the ankle, getting kicked away. He watches Dave climb back into bed out of the corner of his eye. 

It's in the hallway that Eridan bumps into what he originally thinks to be some kind of fluffy animal but turns out to just be Karkat with an awful case of bed hair on his way back from the bathroom. They do an awkward sort of side-step thing before they push past each other and Eridan makes sure to offer the small man a smile. He gets a scowl in response and what could have been an insult but was too quiet for him to get. Shrugging it off, Eridan continues down the hall into the kitchen and slides into his usual seat at the table there. His brother slings an arm around him. 

"Mornin', Dan." Cronus is looking a little worse for wear and like Sollux, it's easy to smell the remains of last night's drinking on his breath. He seems cheery nonetheless and whispers the reason into Eridan's ear not-so-subtly, "I got laid last night." 

"I thought I told ya that I didn't wwant ya bringin' prostitutes home." 

" _No_." Cronus's whisper is growing steadily louder, "Kan and me did it last night. Again." 

"That is more information that I needed to knoww." He glances across the room at where Kankri has his back to them, probably trying to ignore the conversation altogether. There's a clatter of mugs being set down on the counter and the bubbling of the coffee machine and the gentle sound of Kankri breathing but no words come from him. He thinks back to last night, before realising his brother wants a further answer. "Cool. Wwas he good?" 

"He's better than he looks." Cronus says, patting Eridan on the arm before calling after his stuck-up boyfriend, "You vwant help owver there, babe?" 

_"You want help, babe?"_ Sollux mocks, planting a kiss on Eridan's head as he moves past. He didn't even hear him come in, probably because he's padding across the kitchen in his socks, which soften the sound of his footsteps. 

"Fuck off." This makes Sollux smirk lazily in response. 

To his surprise, Sollux immediately makes a beeline for Kankri. They seem to exchange words for a moment and Sollux seems to be frowning but then, he's handed some coffee and by the time he sits back down, he's smiling ever so faintly; it looks fake. Kankri sets down two almost identical mugs of coffee on the table a second later, sitting down, and they all sit in comfortable silence. Eridan tries and fails to catch his boyfriend's eye. 

"So, vwhat's the plan for today?"

"Takin' out the trash." Eridan said, adding quickly, "I'm sure betwween the three of us, wwe can haul you out to the curb easy." Sollux laughed, 

"I see we've already got out the coffee." Feferi bounces over, somehow awake and lively despite how much she drank last night. Yes, Eridan had seen her sprawled over his boyfriend and giggling like an idiot and if that wasn't a sign of pure drunkenness, he wasn't sure what was. "Crabkri, have you got anyfin over than coffee? And somefin to eat?" 

"I was fully intending to make some tea and pancakes as soon as everybody was prepared." Kankri says, getting to his feet. 

"Chop, chop, motherfucker." There's the distinct sound of hard feet against the tiled floor and Karkat, wearing nothing but his underwear and his oversized sweater. It's strange to see everybody in a state of half-dress and looking sleepy, considering Eridan normally won't be willing to see anyone until late afternoon at least. He notes that Karkat looks adorable when he's sleeping and then returns to looking at his boyfriend. Sollux is more than adorable. 

"Is Dave still asleep?" Feferi inquires, sitting down on Eridan's lap without hesitation. He grunts under her weight. He sees the flash of brief jealously in Sollux's eyes as he sips his coffee and grins at him, making sure to wrap his arms around Feferi. Sollux flips him off. 

"Duh." Karkat mumbles, impatiently tapping his foot as his elder brother makes tea. 

"Uh." Feferi seems flustered by her failed attempt to make conversation, "Shoallux, how's it going?" 

"Fine." 

"Eridan?"

"Fine." 

"Cronus, why's your buoyfrond wearing your shirt?" 

"Fine- vwhat?" This seems to catch Cronus off guard but he quickly regains his composure, smirking a little at where his boyfriend is turning pancakes over in the only pan they own. Upon further inspection, Eridan discovers that his friend was, indeed, correct. Instead of his usual sweater or pyjamas, Kankri is swearing a white shirt that hangs off his shoulders and down to the knees of his leggings. He seems to tense, when he realises that several people are looking at him, and Eridan feels bad for staring. 

"I told you vwe had sex." Cronus says. 

"That's quite enough, Ampora." Kankri says, still looking bristled, "Who would like pancakes?" 

"Me." comes the resounding response from nearly everyone. 

"I don't." Sollux mutters, his head resting on the table, "I thtill feel pretty fucking awful." 

"If you're goin' to hurl, make sure you do it in the bathroom." Eridan pets his boyfriend's hair, having vivid flashbacks to the last time he had to clean vomit of the tiled floor of the bathroom, "Actually try and get in it the toilet bowwl this time." 

"God, Captor can't even upchuck like a normal human." Karkat grumbles. 

"I'm gonna pound your athth tho hard ath thoon ath I can thee thtraight." 

"Kinky." 

"I didn't think you drank that much, Sollux." Feferi sounds puzzled. 

"He's a lightvweight." Cronus says, "Vwhere are my pancakes, babe?" 

"You don't get any pancakes now." Kankri said, firmly, returning with plates of them balanced precariously. True to his word, he slides one to Eridan, to Feferi, to Karkat but Cronus doesn't receive any. Eridan can hear his brother complaining but he can't bring himself to care because his plate is headed with warm buttery and syrup goodness. He begins to wolf them down, only pausing when another plate is pushed towards him. Kankri looks pointedly at him and then, at Sollux. Eridan stops consuming pancakes like a fucking vacuum and swallows. 

"Hey, Lux." He cuts the pancakes into tiny pieces, stabbing one onto the end of the fork, "C'mon, open up. Just one bite wwon't hurt." 

"No..." 

"Yes." After a few more moments of coaxing, he convinces Sollux to sit up and manages to poke several pieces of pancake into him. Sollux pushes the seventh forkful away in favour of slowly standing and muttering that he needs a shower. He does look a bit of a sticky mess, sweaty and pallid, so Eridan lets him go. He reminds him to take his meds before letting him slip away. 

"Sol." Eridan pokes at him, "Meds. Go." And he gets to work with finishing up his pancakes and then, heads back to his room to change into something cleaner. Dave is still unconscious on his bed but he doesn't stir as Eridan redresses, before heading back into the main room. Like Strider, Damara is still fast asleep on the couch and they opt to leave her there instead of stirring her. 

"So, what now?" Feferi asks from where she's sitting on the kitchen counter, swinging her legs back and forth. 

"You guys have a semi-decent gaming system, right?" Karkat turns to Eridan, who shrugs, "Of course, you wouldn't know one if it came up to you and fucked you up the ass, would you, Ampora?" 

"Wwe havve a Playstation." Eridan amended, "I'm not sure Sollux wwould like you touchin' it." 

"I don't really give a shit about what he likes." Karkat says, and to prove he was even more of an ass, he kicks Damara off the couch and turns on the TV. There's a slurry of swear words from the Japanese girl in a mix of her native language and terribly broken English. Somehow, the sound of the awful English triggers something in Eridan's memory and he realises for the first time why and how he knows Damara. 

OH SHIT.

He clutches his stomach, swallowing hard. Cronus must notice him pale because he offers an arm to support him. 

"Jeez, Dan, don't hurl on the nice rug." 

"I'm not goin' to hurl." Eridan chokes out, though he isn't too sure. 

Oh god, that can't be the same Damara that he called for an ambulance. 

That can't be the same Damara that said her sister had killed herself. 

That can't be the same Damara as in Aradia's elder sister. 

That can't be. 

There's no way. 

Eridan does hurl. 

"Jesus, I told you not to hurl." Cronus sighs. 

"Eridan?" Kankri says gently, because he must recognise the look of fear on his face. Somehow, Eridan's hands have found each other and he's fumbling with his rings, hands shaking. Oh god, oh god, oh god... It's not long before Kankri has his arm around him instead and he's leading him out of the room, saying something to Cronus that just sounds like an irritating buzz to Eridan's fuzzy ears. Everything's gone static-y and he knows what this is but he can't be, he doesn't get these panic attacks anymore, he can't be having one, that can't be Aradia's sister, that can't, this can't- Kankri shuts the bedroom door behind them. 

"Eridan, breathe." He instructs calmly, now holding him by the wrists. He rubs soothingly at Eridan's wrist, where his pulse is beating fast, with his soft hands. Though, looking close, he can see visible scaring there and it makes him swallow but at least it gives him something to focus on. He remembers that breathing is a thing and sucks in air quickly.

"Shuushhh... Shushhhh..." Kankri is warm. Like Sollux. Eridan could cry. 

He doesn't. 

"What's wrong?" 

"I-" 

It's been so long since he last flipped his lid that he had almost forgotten how awful it felt and Kankri is clearly concerned about it, still shushing him gently until his breathing slows back to normal. His heart stops hammering like its about to explode and, adrenaline gone, Eridan's legs turn to jelly. He sinks down against the door and sits there, remembering to breathe in and then out and then in and out and in and out... 

"D-Damara." He manages eventually, "She- I- Howw didn't I-?" 

A grave look crosses Kankri's face. "You realised?" 

"No wwonder Sollux didn't- he could havve- fuck-" 

"Eridan, please listen to me." Kankri's voice is still soothing but firm now, "Are you going to be sick again?" 

"N-no." 

"You're shaking." Wordlessly, Kankri picks a sweater off the neat stack in the box that occupies the corner of the room and hands it to Eridan. He hands it back, shaking his head. Nothing that tiny Kankri Vantas owns is going to fit him. Sure, Karkat is more on the chubby side like Eridan but Kankri is slim and short and just overall small in a very big world. He does realise for the first time, however, that this is the spare room. It's been a while since he's seen it. 

Of course, Cronus has plastered the ugly whitewashed walls with dumb posters and what look like old records and there is a distinct smell of the damp as always. The entire apartment smells ever so slightly of the damp. The only furniture is the aforementioned box in the corner, that seems to serve as a sort of closet, and the single mattress pushed up against the wall. He wonders how both Cronus and Kankri fit on the mattress and guesses that it must be very, _very_ cosy. 

However, Cronus hasn't claimed the entire room. The smell of smoke and drink has been cleverly masked by several incense sticks that must be Kankri's sat in every single corner of the room. There's thick, wordy books on a single shelf that seems to have been nailed haphazardly to the wall, leaning a little to the left, probably by Cronus. Most of the books look romantic and Eridan supposes they must belong to Kankri, (though he knows the old Harry Potter paperbacks are Cronus's, though he'd never admit it), which is pleasantly surprising. Cronus's lame movies are piled alongside them. There's a series of what looks like Christmas lights hung on the wall, since the lightbulb in here has never worked. The room glows pink and blue and green and orange in turn. 

And- Eridan realises with a strange sense of delight- there's another shelf that's almost exactly the same as the one they have in the living room. A shelf of framed pictures, most of them family ones. He spots himself in the ones that belong to Cronus and Karkat in the ones that belong to Kankri. In the middle, there's a single picture of the pair themselves. He wonders when it could have been taken, maybe when Eridan and Sollux were away. Both Cronus and Kankri look bright, considering one of them is a no-fun snob and the other one is a deadbeat greaser, and they're both smiling. Eridan smiles faintly. 

"Eridan?" 

"Wwe havve got to get a better apartment." Eridan thinks aloud, because despite Kankri's attempts to cheer the room up, it's still horribly drab. They must be able to afford better than this. He has got to get another job, a proper one. He wonders about going back to college and taking Sollux with him (after he's re-sat his exams, of course) and imagines a sort of rom-com like life of bumping hands in libraries and passing notes in classes and flicking cafeteria food at him. Then, he lets the fantasy slip away and sighs. 

"Agreed." Kankri says, "I'm working hard to keep it clean but the smell of the damp and the cigarettes won't leave. It's kind of shitty, if I'm honest." Eridan doesn't think he's ever heard Kankri be so honest in his entire life and it makes him grin a little. 

"Wwe could get a really pretty one in a better part of the city." Eridan says, "Maybe Dad can spare some money."

"I was thinking of selling my old apartment." Kankri admits, "It seems so pointless to keep paying rent when I'm always staying around here anyway. If I did, the money would go towards getting somewhere better. This one is made to cater to one person's needs, not four." He pauses and adds, "I mean, if you don't mind me staying with you." 

"I enjoy havvin' you around, Kan." Eridan shrugs, honestly, "I really do think wwe need to movve. This place is really bad for Sol's mental health." 

"It's bad for my mental health." Kankri sighs. 

There's a very long pause. 

"Kan, I knoww you don't like to talk-" 

"Would you like to tell me what your little panic in there was about?" Kankri cuts across, sharply, "You were saying something about Damara, I believe." 

Inhale and exhale. "I didn't realise that she was Aradia's sister." 

"No, I didn't think that you'd made the connection." 

"No wonder Sol freaked out wwhen he saww her." 

"I expected him to react a little more, actually." Kan muses, "Instead, they both seemed to avvoid each other. You think they'd wwant to talk about Aradia's death." 

"Aradia's death..." Eridan thinks back to the brief conversation he did have with Damara, trying to sift through the panicked feeling he'd have to think of what she'd actually send, "She called it a suicide." 

"What?" 

"Damara. She called Aradia's death a suicide. But that can't be right, can it?" 

Kankri seems to consider this for a long moment. "But that would mean... Oh... Those letters..." 

"Letters?" 

"And she.... Oh...." 

"Kan?" 

"I need to call Kurloz."

"Wwhy?" 

"Because I think our friend, Miss Damara, might be right."


	21. ACT TWO: Part Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write when I'm anxious and that's my only excuse for two chapters in a row. I'm sorry. Warnings for some violence and language and shit from Damara and bad thoughts from Sollux. Up next is the intermission.

At first, Sollux stands under the shower and enjoys the feeling of the hot water rushing over his skin. Somehow, it seems to cleanse something inside of him, not just the feeling of drowsiness and soreness but the feeling of badness. The darkness that was starting to pool in the pit of his stomach seems to be quenched, for a short while at least, and he wonders if it's a low coming on or a hangover. If it's a low, he won't be able to fight it this time and it's going to sweep down on him like a predator quickly. He prays for it to go away, to not come now. Not when things are working out. 

He can remember when he was younger that he'd tried different strategies to keep the mood swings away. Even with the meds, the swings could come but everyday he hoped that he wouldn't. And sometimes, he got stupid ideas in his head as to how to stop. Obsessive tendencies, he thinks now, looking back. He'd had an awful habit of tapping his fingers, two at a time. Of making sure to touch every lamppost on his street on the way home. Avoiding stepping on cracks in the sidewalk. And the whole time he was thinking: _if I sort these marbles into groups of two, if I go another hour staring at my computer, if I don't eat anything red, maybe then, MAYBE THEN, the bad days won't come and they'll stay away_. 

He had always been so sure that these weird strategies worked. If Sollux did hit a low or a high, if he slept for days or freaked out in the supermarket, he'd be there thinking _damnit, I must have forgotten to touch that lamppost on the corner again_ or _fuck, if only I had an even number of pencils_. He didn't think like that anymore but he remembered at ten that things like that had been stupidly important to him. It was funny to think that he used to be like that. Even now, he finds his fingers consciously tapping against his thigh to fight against the growing feeling of uselessness and fear. 

Unfortunately, despite his best efforts, it's as he's washing his hair that it seems to begin to creep into him. It doesn't all rush at once, it's been building for days, weeks even, and now, he begins to feel the effects of a depression coming on. No, no, no, no, no. He focuses on trying to push it away, trying to forget about how exhausted he feels. It's ridiculous. He slept for what? Eight hours? Nine? There's no reason for him to be tired and yet, he feels as if he could sleep for the weeks. He needs to sleep for weeks. That's when he first realises that he needs to sit down and the command shoots from his brain so his legs too fast, causing them to buckle underneath him and he lands on his ass with a THUMP. 

He's surprised that Eridan doesn't rush to make sure that he's okay. After all, the guy normally doesn't even let him breathe without flipping out and thinking that it's the end. No, no, no, he shouldn't think like that about Eridan. His boyfriend- _his fiancé_ \- is the best thing to ever happen to him. He shouldn't think bad things about him. Yet, he does. He guesses nobody is perfect and Eridan certainly isn't. Still, he doesn't remember thinking bad things about Aradia, except for that she... She'd been a bit... Thinking about her made his head hurt, so he stopped. The memory of her crumpled body flashed through his mind. There had been no blood. She didn't look so different dead than she did alive. 

He felt as if he could have shaken her awake. 

Now, he remembers, he had tried to shake her awake. He'd been frantic, believing anything but the truth, and he'd been yelling at her to wake up, not to scare him like that. A few times before they'd tussled on the carpet and she'd always let him win, lying still on the floor as if she were nothing but a corpse. Then, she'd jerk awake and tickle him relentlessly. That was what he'd been hoping would happen, that Aradia had just been screwing with him. He couldn't wake her. That was the last thing he could remember before Kurloz had arrived; he remembered that he hadn't been able to wake her up and he'd screamed at his therapist to help, _"GODDAMNIT, HELP!"_

He clenches his eyes tight shut and pushes the memory away, frowning as he opens his eyes again. Focus on anything, anything but his memories. Please. 

Now, he's sat dumbly in the shower and watching the water trickle away from him and down the drain. Trickle, trickle, trickle. It's like the steady flow of water down the sides of the street when it rains, like the water splashing in the gutter. It had rained on the day he'd taken Aradia to the park. It hadn't been raining when they set out but as soon as he pulled the car up, the heavens had opened and rain had poured down. He'd watched it splashed down the gutter as he sat in the car. Aradia had been the one to turn the radio up loud and kissed him, assuring him that any date was fine with her as long as he was there. They'd gone to Denny's. 

It's strange what he can remember now.

He wonders how long it will be before somebody comes in and finds him like this and he hopes they don't. He wishes that everybody would just go away, just for a short while. He wants the world to go away so that he can pull it together before seeing his friends again. But they won't go away, not until late tonight hell bet, and even then Kankri will be eyeing him and Eridan will be asking what he's done wrong and Cronus will be an asshole. This apartment used to be his escape from people and now it's like a prison. He feels trapped here.

In the near distance, he can hear Karkat yelling and a game playing- he can easily recognise the Super Mario Bros. theme, even over the noise of the shower- and _that fucker is using his Playstation_ , he thinks with a sudden anger. He wants to take Karkat Vantas by his stupid shoulders and shake him hard, shake him until he can't yell like a little bitch anymore. Shuddering, Sollux shoves that thought away. No, no, no. He's being ridiculous. Karkat is his friend, right? 

But is he?

Maybe none of these people even like him. After all, why would they like him? 

Sollux is a freak. 

He listens closer to the noise across the hallway and among the mess of voices, he can easily pick out the one that he fears the most. Damara Megido's voice is easily recognisable from her tone of irritancy and he can almost picture her haughty expression, hands on her hips, as she calls people out on their stupidity. He can easily remember the day that he brought Aradia home early and they caught Damara standing outside the crumbling house, on the path that lead up to it. She was arguing with a boy, Rufioh Nitram, the boy that she was dating at that time. She was screaming at him furiously in Japanese, as he tried to reason with her. 

"Babe, baby doll, please, you gotta listen to me-" 

Damara didn't just kick him, she obliterated him with one move. All too fast, her long leg had shot up and her foot had made contact with his face. He got a flash of her red underwear and it made teenage Sollux flush a little, even as he watched the horror unfold. And he remembered thinking that it must have really, really hurt because she was wearing pointed heeled shoes and Rufioh had cried out in pain as he reeled backwards, falling over as he pressed his hands to his face. He'd crumpled like a paper doll and then, she'd continued to kick him. Sollux hadn't been able to move for what he recognised quickly as terror. 

And he remembered thinking, this was Aradia's sister. This was the sweet girl that had made them dinner just the other day and laid it out on the table for them. This was the girl that single-handedly rose her sister whilst their mom was out working or sleeping with her boss. This was the girl that had given Sollux a once over before she approved. This was the girl that tolerated them having sex in the room that she shared with her sister, keeping to the main room with her music turned up. Damara could be nice, she could be sweet. Now, she was violent and scary and Sollux was paralysed with a sudden fear. He didn't know she was capable of anything like this. 

"That's what you get for cheating on me, you CUNT!" Damara had roared like a lion, "You lead boyfriend on too, hm? I hope he kick your cheating ass too! I hope he kick you hard! BAMN!" She kicked him in the face again, "YOU SHIT, never come back here. GET OUT!" Crawling on his hands and knees, Rufioh had made his escape with his face heavily bleeding, pushing past Sollux and Aradia. Damara's shoes had torn holes in his clothes. Sollux didn't know what to say. Aradia had regarded the situation without a word before kissing Sollux goodbye and heading into the house, patting her sister on the arm as she passed. 

None of the people in that room with Damara Megido had any idea what they were dealing with. Sollux knew for a fact that she'd been worse since her sister died, since she know stunk of cigarettes and drugs and alcohol and sex. She smelt of a horny teenager's wild summer. He didn't even like to think of what she could do if it came to a fight. If somebody pissed her off... If they thought that he could be violent on a manic high, they didn't know shit. They didn't know jack shit. Because he done a lot of stupid things in his days but he'd never intentionally abused anybody, not like that. 

_Well, you lean more towards verbal abuse, don't you?_

_Shut the fuck up, you don't know shit._

The migraine stung at his head and at his eyes. 

He wanted to cry. 

So he did. 

It was hard to tell his own tears from the water that was still spraying from the shower overheard, pouring down on him like a personal rain cloud. He found himself thinking about Aradia again, about what her life must have been like living with Damara. He wondered if she ever hit Aradia. He wonders if Aradia ever hit her. And when he thinks about her, he remembers. He remembers what she was like. And now, he remembers an incident not unlike the one with her sister, when AA had gotten violent. Aradia had always been much better at handling her moods but there had been this one time, that time that she'd gotten angry. She'd been irritable. And he'd pissed her off. 

He couldn't even remember what they'd been arguing about that day but he knows that it had been something stupid, something that they wouldn't normally argue about. Something about him missing one of their dates, he thinks. And Aradia, who never yelled, who never got angry, who he had never seen pissed off before, who always found the best in everything, who somehow saw good in Sollux, had been screaming at him. He'd been worked up too and before long, it had become a full-blown argument about everything they hated about each other. 

"I hate that you never let things go!" 

"I hate that you won't ever leave me alone!" 

"I hate that you're so moody all the time!" 

"I hate that you won't even kithth me anymore!" 

And he'd seen this strange look in her eyes for a moment, a mix of hurt and fear, and then she'd slapped him across the face. Thankfully, her nails were blunt and they didn't catch on his skin. It had stung but not as much as the words that followed. 

"I hate... I hate that you don't understand, Sollux. Sometimes, you just don't understand other people. It's really selfish of you." It wasn't said menacingly but sadly and just like that, all tension in the room seemed to seep away. All the anger faded and there was just a sad, empty feeling. He just stared at her for a long moment, rubbing at his sore cheek, before he had to sit down on her bed to collect himself. She'd sat on the floor, on the old rug that was made of sheep wool, and hugged her knees to her chest. They never fought. Not properly, not like that. That had been weird. 

It had only been a bump in their relationship but somehow, Sollux felt like it had been downhill from there. Sure, there had been some fun times but most of the time, there had been moments of quiet that felt sad somehow and they'd found it difficult to speak anymore. They always had the radio turned up to fill the gap. They'd both apologised, of course, agreed to forgive and forget- but neither of them had forgotten. He knew because she'd been discussing it on the very morning of her death, as they were getting into the car. It had been months since the argument but she'd brought it up. 

"Sollux... Do you remember that dumb argument we had so long ago?" Aradia asked. 

"Yeah." How could he forget? 

"I want you know that I'm still really sorry about it." 

"Me too, AA. I wath a dick." 

"Me too, Sol. Where would you like to go today?" 

"I wath under the illuthion that you had thomewhere planned." 

"Nah, let's adventure!!" 

And she'd died only a few hours later. 

He'd forgotten that they talked about that on that very day. 

She'd always loved to adventure, to go exploring. There weren't many places to explore in their city, nowhere exciting and probably haunted like she wanted. So, more often than not, they had driven out of town to find somewhere else. She liked him to drive, claiming it was more fun that way, because she could enjoy the ride. She must have known that he wasn't licensed. Still, Sollux did as she asked and he drove, sometimes recklessly, and both of them grinned like idiots the whole time. They ended up spending a lot of time in her shitty car, even sleeping in it once or twice when they were too tired to head back home. 

Sollux remembered the first time that he'd ever had sex with her and it was the first time that he'd even gotten intimate with a girl, in the backseat. And it had been awkward and silly and they'd both laughed all the way through. They had both been first-timers- or so Aradia had claimed to be, he had suspicions...- and neither of them had really known what they were doing. Everything that could have gone wrong had gone wrong but they hadn't cared. They'd had fun and that was what mattered. By the end of it, they were both wrapped around each other and giggling like idiots, half clothed and kissing each other over. 

"That was so dumb." Aradia had giggled. 

"We have got to get more practice." 

"Are you implying what I think you're implying?" 

"Are you thinking that I'm implying that we thhould have thex again?" 

She paused, thinking this over. 

"Yes." She yawned and stretched her arms up, shifting to lay against his chest. She'd been much taller than him for most of high school but Sollux had shot up very suddenly, surprising everyone, and was no longer a tiny nerd that they could fit in lockers. Indeed, he was too tall for his own good and very gangly looking. Even after braces, his teeth stuck out at old angles and his glasses were almost comically thick. He had no idea what Aradia saw in him, why she'd ever agreed to that first date to the movies, but it was definitely something, something good. She was always smiling at him with a kind of fondness. And they had something good together. Not that anybody agreed. People talked. 

After all, Sollux had a reputation and most people thought that Aradia was- 

"We can go again if you want to?" Sollux had said but she'd just smirked and batted his wandering hands away. 

"You're going to have to be more romantic than that." She teased.

It was a long running joke between them that neither of them were very good at being romantic. Sollux couldn't manage it because he'd rather spend the long hours sat at his computer or sleeping on the couch rather than buying flowers or jewellery for her; Aradia couldn't manage it because she would rather break through police caution tape to explore old houses or dig through the dirt for bones, rather than have romantic dinners. They'd come to a mutual agreement that nobody would attempt to be romantic, aside from a few movies they watched together and the snuggling that came with those movies. Most of the time, they were more like best friends than girlfriend and boyfriend. 

And sure, they'd had their bad moments. She'd be worried about how long he was staying at his computer and come round to make him shower and to change his clothes. More often than not, she'd order food since she couldn't cook much better than he could. She stayed over a lot, the two of them squished up in a single bed and kissing lazily as they fell in and out of sleep. She was there for his depression, holding him and making sure he ate regularly. She was there for his manic highs too, watching as he paced the length of the hall again and again and again and again. She was always there- until she wasn't anymore. 

In return, he'd take care of her too. When she was feeling down- which was rare, she leaned more towards the manic side- he would be there to run his fingers through her hair and play every single Indiana Jones movies for her. When she cried about her mom or her sister, he was the one that held her and wiped her tears away for her. During the manic highs, he would take her out and they'd burn energy together. They would drive and run and they would have sex every single day, sometimes twice, and they understood each other. He thought that they understood each other. He'd hoped. 

It wasn't like that with Eridan. He was different. 

Thankfully, Sollux was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of hammering on the door and for a moment, lost in his memories, he thought it would be Aradia on the other side of the door. That she'd be there to help him. His heart leapt into his throat. The sound of Karkat's rough voice shattered the illusion. Fuck. He forgot all about him. 

"Hey, Captor!" He wouldn't stop knocking on the door and the sound was grilling, "Open up, asshole, some of us have to piss!" 

Sollux licked his lips. "Door'th unlocked." 

Silently, he thanked god that he hadn't turned the light on or rolled the blinds up. It was dark in here, probably too dark for Karkat to see that he'd been crying in the shower like a loser. No, the room was pleasantly dark. It was almost like nighttime but a little light seemed under the bottom of the blind to light the room dimly. Of course, it helped that he wasn't wearing his glasses and that everything seemed so much softer around the edges. 

"Alright, I'm coming in. Hide your scrawny body." There was a click as the door opened. 

Sollux closed his eyes tightly, as the door was pushed open, and Karkat stepped inside. There was a pause before the door shut behind him and Sollux could feel curious eyes on him and he pressed his face into his knees. Fuck. He could feel Karkat looking, almost sense the look on his face. 

"Why the hell are you sitting in the shower in the dark?" 

It suddenly occurred to the Gemini that he must look crazy like this. Though, he couldn't bring himself to care, about what he looked like or about what Karkat thought. Why would he care about that idiot anyway? He didn't even like him. They weren't even friends. He shivered- and realised that the water had long ago turned cold. He hadn't even noticed until now. 

"Captor." 

"V-Vantath." He stuttered in response, hating himself for it, "Take your p-pithth and g-get out." 

"... Should I get Eridouche to come haul your ass out of the shower?" Karkat's voice was harsh as usual but underneath... He seemed almost frightened. Scared. He seemed to be afraid of Sollux. It reminded him of the one time that he'd punched Zahhak and when he'd "come round", his whole therapy group had been eyeing him nervously to see who he'd strike next. It frustrated him to have people look at him like that. It made him want to yell that he wasn't going to hurt anyone, he didn't want to hurt anyone. He wasn't like Damara. 

"No." He said, eventually, "Don't get him." He heard the words escape his mouth but he couldn't taste them on his tongue, "I'm okay." A lie, "Pleathe. Don't tell Eridan. I'm going to be fine." 

Karkat considers this. "You two are such a pair of idiotic drama queens. You both have your own heads rammed so far up your asses that you can't speak anything but bullshit." He sighs and scratches his head, casting an eye over Sollux's naked, shuddering form. 

He seems to think a while before continuing: "I think that you're a dick. But you're a funny one and you're pretty smart. And I need somebody to come over and fix my laptop sometime. So, I'm gonna help your scrawny butt out here. And you owe me for this." Sollux opens his eyes to watch him approach gingerly; Karkat is a blur of dark skin and darker clothes, "Now, listen up, beanpole. You're gonna get out and towel yourself off. I'm gonna get you clothes to wear. You are gonna pull it together and play nice. We're not gonna mention this little incident to anyone." 

With that, he turned the shower off and the cold water stopped running over him. He shook, watching the water continue to trail down the drain until it was all sucked away. Like the water in the gutter. Like the tears on Aradia's face. Karkat pats him on the shoulder, hands him a towel off the rack, and tells him that he'll be back in a few minutes. Sollux gets out obediently and begins to dry himself over, feeling disappointed that it was Karkat helping him instead of Aradia. 

Why does she still have such a hold over his life? 

She's been dead for over a year, for fuck's sake. 

He shouldn't even be thinking about her. 

He pushes his glasses on and everything comes sharply back into focus, so sharp that it almost cuts him like a knife. Sollux winces. 

By the time he's dried himself off, Karkat returns and he forces himself to look him in the eye. Karkat has these dark brown eyes that almost seem to be tinted red and they're filled with annoyance at having to handle Sollux's mood fuck on his own. The shorter man hands him some fresh clothes and Sollux begins to dress himself, Karkat looking away pointedly. 

"Eridan was speaking to me yesterday." Karkat says, suddenly, as Sollux is pulling his shirt on; when he doesn't get any kind of response, he just continues, "He was saying how glad he was that you finally seemed to be getting better. Well, not getting better. You can't exactly get better, he told me about that. But he told me that you learning to live with it and he was real proud of you and shit." 

Sollux still says nothing, wriggling his way into his pants. He's focusing his gaze on one spot on the floor, letting Karkat's words wash over him. 

"I swear to god, if you fucking break his heart, I'm going to kill you." Karkat growls, "That kid does not have to put up with your bullshit. That's why we're not going to tell him about this. Don't think that I'm doing you a favour here. I saw hope in his four-eyed face and I don't want you crushing that." 

"Me neither." Sollux finishes getting dressed and opens the bathroom cabinet to fish around in it for his meds, "I'm trying my betht here, KK." 

"I'm serious, play nice." Karkat scowls at him, "You better be nice to him. You can have your breakdowns in private if you have to but I don't want you to hurt him. He's so excited about this stupid wedding, you have no idea." 

"Oh, believe me, I do." Sollux mumbles, tipping his bottle out on onto the edge of the sink and discovering that he was down to the last few pills. Fuck, that meant buying more and they were so expensive. He has got to get a job or something, he can't keep making Eridan pay for these. It isn't fair. He sighs, sorting them into the right dosage, before he knocks the pills back without so much as a sip of water. It hurts to swallow them like this. Good. 

"Now, get out so I can piss." Karkat smacks him on the back a little harder than necessary and Sollux nods, pushing the door open and heading back out into the hallway. He closes the door behind him and heads back towards the main room, pausing a little by the door to make sure that he didn't look like somebody that had been crying about their girlfriend in the shower. No, not girlfriend. His ex-girlfriend. Fuck, okay. He makes sure his glasses are on properly before entering the room. 

Since Karkat is busy, Damara and Feferi have somehow managed to snag control of the Playstation. His Playstation. He casts his eyes over where the pair of them are hammering buttons on their controllers, yelling and laughing, and manages a small smile. Feferi's wearing one of Eridan's shirts with her hot pink shorts, which makes him smile even wider for some reason, a small reminder of his boyfriend. He even manages a small wave when Damara glances at him, which she nervously returns. He's never seen her look nervous before. 

That's when he notices that the room smells distinctly of cleaning products and looks around for the source, discovering Cronus on his hands and knees, scrubbing at the floor. He catches Sollux's eye and rolls his own, gesturing for him to come over. Cronus has shrugged off his jacket and is kneeling there in just his t-shirt and stupidly tight jeans. When he approaches, Cronus throws him a sponge and gestures for him to get to work. Wordlessly, Sollux drops to his knees and begins to scrub at the floor. Beneath the smell of cleanness, it smells oddly like... 

"Your boyfriend hurled." 

"What?" He blinks. Eridan hadn't even been drinking last night. 

"One of those panic attacks, ya dig?" 

"ED had a panic attack?" A wave of concern washes over him and he notices that both Kankri and Eridan have vanished from the room. He wonders where they are and if he's okay. He wonders if he's done something to trigger this, if it's somehow his fault, before reasoning that it can't have been. He wasn't even in the room. Sollux is going to punch whoever caused this hard in the face- no, no, no, no. 

"Yeah. Freaked the fuck out for no reason. Kan's makin' sure he's okay."

" _Ith_ he okay?" 

"Fuck, I don't knovw, chief. I don't knovw shit about any of this mental health business." Cronus seems to give up on cleaning then, deeming the floor to be clean enough for him. He sits back, leaning against the kitchen counter, and digs around in his pocket for his lighter. There's a cigarette already balanced in between his teeth. 

"Can I have one of thothe?" Sollux asks.

"Hm? No. Fuck no." Cronus says, so strongly that Sollux is taken aback, "These aren't for little monsters like you." 

"I thought you were cool with thmoking." 

"Not you. You're a kid." 

"I'm twenty two." 

"You still look like a kid vwith that babyface of yours. Do you ewven need to shawve?" Cronus sounds amused, flicking his lighter open, and lighting his cigarette. For the first time, Sollux notes that the Ampora shaking a little, from withdrawal he guesses. He's never met anybody addicted to smoking before and wonders how it came about. Sollux will have a smoke now or then but half the time he thinks of it of disgusting- the other half, he doesn't give a fuck. Cronus doesn't seem to be able to stop himself, lighting it up. He looks almost like a starved man eating his first meal when he exhales, his face relieved and relaxing again. 

For the first time, but not the last he suspects, Sollux feels bad for Cronus Ampora. 

"I thhave." Sollux touches the annoying smooth skin of his face. Cronus so right, he does have a babyface. 

"Vwhat, once ewvery tvwo years?" 

"I'm an adult." Sollux protests, "Not a functional one but I am an adult." 

"Keep talkin', Cap." Cronus snickers.

"Thhut up or I'll kick you out of my apartment." Sollux finally concedes that the floor is clean and shuffles to sit beside his future brother-in-law. This close, he can smell Cronus's familiar smell of body spray and cheap leather. He makes sure not to move too close. 

"Nahh, you vwon't. Underneath it all, you're a pretty good guy, Cap." Sollux wrinkles his nose but doesn't protest as a muscled arm slides around his shoulders, "Vwanna hawve a feelin' jam?" 

"I'd rather claw my own eyeth out." 

"I'm not that bad, babe." 

"Don't call me babe." But he considers it for a moment before speaking, "You got a pretty big houthe back home. Very nice." 

"Your point?" 

"Tho, why are you living in my crappy apartment and thtinking up the place?" 

"You ewver think that you're not the only one vwith issues, chief?" 

"........." He pauses, "Do you wanna talk about it?" 

"Nah. It's just family bullshit. Tryin' to put it behind me, ya dig?" 

"Yeah." He thinks about Aradia, "Yeah, I guethth that maketh thenthe." 

That's when Eridan and Kankri make a reappearance, both of them looking strangely shaken, and announce that they'll be going out somewhere for a while. They don't say where it is they're going but Eridan's shifting nervously from foot to foot. Without another word, the Cancer heads for the door with the Aquarius at his heels. Sollux blinks. Cronus frowns. 

"Unexpected." Cronus notes. 

"Fuck." Sollux adds.


	22. THE INTERMISSION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God fucking damnit Kurloz, you said you didn't want to date him. (Or: whoops Kurloz/Mituna is a thing)

Sometimes, Kurloz wondered if he was too invested in his clients' lives and their wellbeing.

After all, whilst he was supposed to advise them and almost care for them, he was also supposed to keep them at arm's length and keep the relationship purely professional. And yet, with Miss Leijon, Miss Megido, and Mr Captor, he'd managed to somehow find himself getting pulled into their whole business. He got caught up in their lives.

They were no longer just clients, they were friends, they were people he cared for, and it hurt him when they got hurt. With the clients came stress and fear and midnight calls that he was never prepared for. However, recently he was finding that the break in Sollux's calls was more concerning. It had been weeks since they'd had any contact, therapy sessions aside. It made him feel lonelier than ever. 

Honestly, Kurloz could place the blame on his clients for his attachment to them and their lives but when it came down to it, he supposed the people that he really blamed were his parents. Growing up, he'd only had his parents and they had been... Far less than ideal, really. He didn't like to call his father an asshole but he was. He could use the term "abusive" but people would presume things- Mr Makara had never hit either of his sons, contrary to popular belief. It wasn't that kind of abuse. It was emotional abuse, Kurloz knew now, how his father would treat them so coldly, abandon them for weeks at a time, try his hardest to crush them down and make their lives miserable. 

"It's a cold, uncaring world out there, Kurloz..." He could vividly remember his father sat in their living room, rocking in his favourite chair whilst both his sons sat on the floor at his feet. Kurloz must have been ten, his brother seven going on eight. And their father had been smoking something- pot, he realised, as he grew older. Their entire home smelt of the stuff and their clothes smelt of it and they smelt of it; Kurloz hated how reassuring the smell became after a while, becoming, like a feeling of home when it was anything but. 

On the other hand, his mother had been too ordinary. She was a nice woman, she seemed to genuinely care for both her sons and showed it with small gestures of affection. There were gentle kisses before bed, snacks before dinner as a treat, the smothering hugs, the tutting over messy hair, (Kurloz's was permanently in need of grooming, he couldn't help it even now). Whilst Mrs Makara had been perfectly nice, she had been somehow distant. A flimsy two-dimensional mother that seemed to care but Kurloz recognised deep down that she didn't really. It was all some sort of act. He heard the way that she sighed and saw the way her shoulders slumped and knew that she'd never wanted this. Kurloz's mother had never wanted kids and he knew this. 

Yes, Kurloz supposed that it was his parents' fault that he was like this now. With neither of his parents giving a damn about him whilst he grew up, he seemed to yearn for contact now. He'd always considered himself to be happy alone but somehow, something inside of him protested against it. He'd never thought much of the unsettling loneliness until he met Miss Meulin Leijon. She hadn't been his first client, nor his most interesting, but something about her was strangely enthralling. She'd been an excitable deaf girl that wore an array of cat-themed outfits and always waved eagerly at him whenever they met. Something about her drew him closer and then, she'd.... 

Getting up now from where he'd been sat comfortably on his couch, he strode across the front room to rescue his laptop from the desk. He settled back down, adjusting the couch cushions accordingly, and opened the folder that was clearly labelled "MEULIN". It was a mess of notes and reports and photos and more personal things, like emails and helpful guides to sign language he'd downloaded to remind himself of how to speak it, a file that he had closed and never opened after she'd left. Now, he flicked through the photos and let out a loud sigh. He'd always sworn that he'd never date, firm with people that he had no interest in anybody. He could remember telling Meulin that when she asked and watching her face visibly fall. 

But after months had trailed on, she was spending more time around his home than in his office and it wasn't unusual to find himself being dragged on a date. There were lots of mall dates and bowling dates and everything cliché that Meulin could come up with. She was a rather big fan of anything romantic like that. Reluctantly, he'd admitted that perhaps he was more okay with dating than he originally thought, making her squeal and press her hands to her cheeks as she leapt up and down in delight. Afterwards, they were dating and Kurloz found that he'd truly fallen irreversibly in love with her and couldn't even bring himself to hate himself for it. It had been over a year of kissing and dates and holding hands and making love on her pale green bed before she'd let on that she wasn't happy with him. He had no idea what he'd done wrong. 

_Meulin, you can talk to me about it. Tell me where your smile's gone._

_Kurloz, I don't want you to get upset. This was nice and all. But I don't really do long-term._

_What does that mean?_

_I'm... I'm leaving you... It's not your fault. I just... There are so many ships... I'm sorry_

He still couldn't believe that she was gone, even long after she'd moved. 

Abruptly, he was jerked out of his thoughts by the sound of his cell ringing. He checked the time. Around noon, much too late for Sollux to be calling but much too early for Kankri to be calling either. The number wasn't one he recognised but it looked like a landline number. It was probably telemarketers trying to sell him something but he got up nonetheless, pressing answer and pressing the phone to his ear with an exaggerated sigh. 

"This is Kurloz Makara. What's happening, my brother or sister or whatever gender neutral term you're comfortable with?" 

"Hello Kurloz. I'd like to discuss something with you immediately, are you available?" 

"Kankri." He recognised the voice too well and the evident excitement in it was enough to make him groan and press his fingers to his temples; he had been hoping to sleep off last night today and only get up when he felt ready to. When he was younger, his own therapist had always told him that he didn't have to do anything until he felt ready and capable. Somehow, even now, he didn't feel like he was either of those things. He was crumbling and he knew it because what kind of grown adult finds out that his friends- well, kind of friends- were all going to the aquarium together and hadn't invited him, and felt so miserable that he had to drink it away? He couldn't even bring himself to look in the mirror. 

"I'm not sure I'm in the m-" 

"It's urgent and it's to do with the Megido case." 

"I thought we'd closed that one? I don't know if you noticed but Aradia's dead." 

"Have you got her file prepared? I can meet you in the usual spot. Eridan's with me, he's spoken with Damara."

"Damara?" Kurloz felt himself visibly jolt at just the sound of her name. He hadn't seen her since the funeral, which she had spent in a miserable silence without so much as looking at anybody. He'd approached her with the intention of sharing kind words but had been flipped the bird and told to get lost. Since then, there had been no hide nor hair of her and that was _very_ unusual for somebody like Damara. She was the kind of person that would be mentioned frequently whenever some party or club was mentioned, gossiped about as if she was a celebrity. Kurloz could remember dating Meulin and her babbling that the Damara Megido had just been seen by one of her "shipping scouts" at Latula Pyrope's party with Rufioh Nitram. Kurloz had just rolled his eyes at that. 

"Yes, Damara! Miss Megido is in the front room, in fact. I fear she may already be... You know..." Kankri's voice drops to a whisper, "Drugs and stuff." Sometimes, the Cancer was so innocent and naïve that it bordered on being both irritating and adorable. Either way, Kurloz had to stifle a laugh at the other therapist.

"How about I come over there?" Kurloz says, mildly as he can manage, "I'd be interested to see Miss Megido again. Where are you all?" He couldn't pretend that he wasn't interested to know how Kankri and Eridan had bumped into Damara. 

"I think that would be a bad idea." Kankri's breath crackles down the phone line as he exhales, "No, I think the regular spot would be much better. I will see you there as soon as I can get there." There's a muffled, yelled goodbye from Eridan and then the line clicks off. They're already on their way to the neat little café that Kankri and Kurloz meet at to discuss progress with their individual clients. Somehow, it's much more comfortable than the awful offices in their working building. Not to mention, Latula Pyrope always knows to heap extra food on their plates for them and enjoys to kick-flip off the walls when there's no other customers occupying the place. It's amusing to say the least. 

"Fine then." Kurloz decides, beginning to pull his shit together. First things first, he's got to shave and see if his hair is willing to be tamed today. He should probably shower too- it's been a long week and he supposes that he has to look half-decent for Eridan, who pays Kurloz an awful lot to deal with Sollux's shit. He doesn't mention that he'd be willing to do the job for free, since he's grown to love that bipolar kid in a very brotherly way and would probably have a bigger breakdown than Eridan if something happened to him. Sometimes, Sollux really does remind him an awful lot of Gamzee and it makes him sad-happy. 

It's been actual years since Sollux Captor had picked up the phone and called him at five in the morning- which Kurloz did not realise was going to be a reoccurring thing at the time- and said that he'd like an appointment and how much was it going to cost him. There was no hello, no introduction, no please or thank you. He got straight to it and left Kurloz feeling very confused in a sleepy stupour. He'd got up and stumbled to where he kept his diary of dates, flicking through until he found a blank spot and asking for a name to pencil in. Sollux's lisp had confused him over the phone and it had taken several minutes for him to correct the kid's name from "Tholluxth" to "Sollux". After dates and times had been talked, Sollux hung up without so much as a goodbye. 

As he showers, Kurloz remembers the first time that the boy with bicolored eyes had shown up at his office door and wandered in without an invitation, sitting down in the chair opposite his desk. For a few moments, Kurloz had wondered who he was before realising this must be Sollux Captor. He can vividly remember that he'd just stared for a moment before saying:

"I don't suppose you brought any hospital records with you, brother." 

And Sollux had looked at him like he was insane. 

"No." 

"Ah." Most people did; Sollux Captor was not most people, "It's nice to meet you." 

"Cut the bullthhit, you're being paid to meet me. I've wired the money to your account." He didn't question where the man had gotten his bank details, "You work with crazy people, right?" 

Kurloz winced at the term. "Now, now, brother, I don't like to-" 

"I'm bipolar. And I need help." He still hasn't forgotten the strangely desperate look that was in Sollux's eyes, "AA thaid you were good. Can you make me better?" 

"That isn't how it works. You can't slap a bandaid on a mental disorder, you know." 

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Can you help me though?" 

Turning off the shower and letting the water drain away, Kurloz often wonders about why he doesn't just find another job. He could work well with kids, he knew that, he was good at painting faces and drawing happy pictures. He could become a teacher or something, that would be a helluva lot easier than being a therapist. The only reason he'd picked this job because it was one close to his heart. 

Growing up, the professional therapist- who's office his mother had dropped him off at like it was a childminders- had been his only friend. During the long time that Kurloz had been an mute, that guy had been the only person that he could talk to. The guy understood the situation with his family and helped Kurloz through that. He didn't feel too alone with a therapist to turn to on the bad days. Sometimes he thinks that the man saved his life. 

If Gamzee had been offered that kind of guidance too, would he have survived too? Or would he still have gone off the rails, acted stupidly, gotten violent, and ended up getting himself killed? 

Kurloz dries himself off and dresses, reapplies his facepaint, opting to only take his laptop where he had all of Aradia's notes saved, and heads out into the real world. By that, he meant the awful street that he lived on where people would piss on his doorstep and where cans of beer could be found in the street. He kicked them into the gutter as he walked, hoping that no kids would find them and get any ideas. 

The café that the pair of them always met at luckily wasn't too far from where he lived and if he walked fast, he could get there in ten minutes flat. When he approached, he could see Terezi Pyrope lingering outside with her sister's skateboard, balancing on it best as she could. As he watched, she stumbled and nearly fell off, recovering quickly. She was trying much too hard to follow in her sister's footsteps. 

"Nice, sister." He says, making her grin widely.

"Thanks, Makara." The blind girl croaks, offering him a high five as he passed, "I'm practicing. Tula says that even the raddest of rad girls have to practice to get good." She's still cackling as he moves past her and heads inside. Kankri is already there and settled at the corner table he favours, Eridan next to him. 

"Coffee, Kurloz?" Latula calls from behind the counter, waving enthusiastically.

"Sure thing, sister." Kurloz slides into the seat opposite Kankri and puts his laptop down in front of him, flipping it open. 

"Good afternoon, Kurloz." Kankri greets. 

"Afternoon, Kur." Eridan echoes, fiddling nervously with his rings as he speaks.

"It's nice to see you again, Ampora. How's that boyfriend of yours?" 

"He's okay. I gavve him the ring yesterday." Ah, the ring. Eridan, wanting it to be perfect, had called Kurloz in a frenzy and demanded to know what Sollux would want on a ring. Kurloz had replied that he didn't think Sollux would want a ring but if he insisted on getting one, it would probably have to incorporate bees somehow. 

"Did he like it?" 

"He adored it." Eridan says, dreamily, "You wwere right about gettin' a bee on it. His eyes positivvely lit up. It wwas so cute, I just-"

"As lovely as it is to hear about your relationship- and I have no doubt I will hear the remainder of this story later- it's not what we are here to discuss." Kankri cuts across smoothly, "Kurloz, forgive me for disturbing you on your day off-"

"There are no days off, it seems." Kurloz sighs. 

"Forgive us." Kankri looks irritated to be interrupted, "But Mr Ampora-"

"Oh, I forgot to tell you that I wwas thinkin' off takin' Sol's name." Eridan says, brightly, clearly still a million miles away, "Isn't that nice, Kan? I'm gonna be a Captor." 

" _Eridan._ " Kankri said, pointedly, "As I was saying before I was so _rudely_ interrupted, Mr Ampora spoke to Miss Megido and she said something relevant to Aradia's case." He pauses, possibly for dramatic effect, "Damara said that she thought her sister's death could have been a suicide." 

Kurloz frowns. "Kankri, if Aradia was the one that intentionally crashed the car, then I would agree with you there. She was a very troubled young lady-"

"Sol didn't say anythin' about that." Eridan pitches in, "He said she wwas wwonderful." 

"Well, it's unlikely that Sollux would say anything against her. Not to mention, his judgement was a little... Eh." Kankri waves his hand in a vague sort of gesture, "Anyway, I wasn't suggesting that Aradia's death was CAUSED by herself, I'm saying that perhaps she assisted." 

"Are you saying that Aradia made Sollux crash? Because that would open a whole other can of worms, brother." Kurloz raises an eyebrow. 

"I'm saying that he was very heavily influenced by her. She was the one that suggested they left town that day. Maybe she caused him to veer the car off-course." 

"Here's your coffee, Makara." Latula reappears, slamming the mug down on the table to get their attention, "Need me to close up shop so you can have your talk?" 

"That would be helpful, thank you Latula." Kankri says.

"S'okay, Kanny." She sweeps down and plants a kiss on his cheek, making him flush, "Lemme get TZ in and then we'll lock up a while. Haven't got long though. Lunchtime rush, you know?"

"Yeah, um, right." Kankri looks flustered. It seems his long term crush on Miss Pyrope lives on. The woman sweeps towards the door and pulls the door open, yelling for Terezi to come in now. There's a disgruntled huff of _"oh my god, Tula, I'm an adult. I'm going to law school. I'm okay out here on my own"_ before Terezi comes back in, shoving the skateboard into Latula's arms. Kurloz watches the young woman storm the length of the room and head into the back room, where a flight of stairs would lead up to the Pyrope apartment. 

He knew this place all too well from his days with Meulin. She loved it here. 

"Have a nice chat, boys." Latula locks the door and follows after her sister, offering them a brief wave as she passes. Kankri adjusts the neck of his shirt, (Kurloz can't help smirking at his friend wearing Cronus's shirt). 

"She wwas... Nice." Eridan supposes. 

"Shut up." Kankri says, haughtily, "Kurloz, I don't suppose you have Aradia's letters with you?" 

"Yes." Kurloz opens the file and turns the laptop to him, letting Kankri read over them. They both know them by heart, the letters that Damara had handed to them just days before Aradia's death, claiming that she'd found them under her sister's bed. Each one was addressed to a different person and seemed bright and happy but Kurloz had to agree, there was something about them that made them almost sound like suicide notes. The finality of them, he supposed. Aradia wrote as if she was speaking to people for the last time. 

There were five different letters, each of them about a page long, as if she hadn't been able to bring herself to write anymore. There was one addressed to Damara, one to Mrs Megido, one to Sollux, one to Terezi and most troubling of all, one written to Kurloz. They had all been written in frantic longhand, scribbled on old pages ripped out of books. They looked as if they had been written late at night or early in the morning- Kurloz had been planning to ask Aradia about them at their next meeting. 

But, of course, there never had been a next meeting. She'd died before he could speak to her again, ask about them. Him and Kankri had spent many nights pouring over them, wondering what they could mean, wondering why Aradia would write such things, how she'd known that she was going to die soon. Between them, they'd agreed that they wouldn't tell anyone else about the letters. Especially not Sollux, who would be distraught if he read them. 

"I suppose she could have planned to die that day." Kankri muses, "These letters were written with the knowledge that she would die soon, right?" 

"Wwait, wwait." Eridan looks lost, "Wwhat are these?"

"Aradia wrote them a few days prior to her untimely death." Kurloz informs him, "There's no way she could have known about the accident then. But they somehow seem like goodbyes, don't they, brother?" 

"I guess." Eridan shrugs, "Wwasn't Aradia happy or somethin'?" 

It's something Kurloz has considered before. "She was happy, I think. She was happy but at the same time, she was very, very unhappy. Sollux told you that she was severely bipolar, right?" 

"Yeah, but-" 

"That's why it's not entirely unlikely that she could have intentionally caused the car to veer off-course and kill herself that way. Making it look like an accident would be a very Aradia thing to do. She wouldn't have wanted people to pity her for killing herself." 

"But wwouldn't she havve been wworried about killin' Sol? She lovved him, right?" 

Kankri looks up. "Bipolar sufferers often don't think about the consequences of their actions. You know that, Eridan." 

"So, she didn't evven wworry about him gettin' killed?" Eridan's voice is raising in volume. 

"No. I mean, yes. I don't know." Kankri looks to Kurloz for help. He shrugs. 

"That's awwful!" Eridan is standing, his hands in fists resting on the table. 

In his pocket, Kurloz's cell vibrates and the tension seems to almost instantly disappear from the room. Eridan slumps back in his seat, clearly unhappy, and Kankri starts to reassure him quietly, assuring him that it's okay, Sollux wasn't physically hurt in the accident anyway. Neither of them mention how badly he was mentally scarred. 

Kurloz digs his cell out and sees that it's a scrambled message from Mituna in all caps and numbers. He deciphers it quickly and finds that it's a reminder that he promised to come over today. He checks the time and realises that he doesn't have long until he's meant to be at the Captor household. He's going to have to get a move on; he doesn't want to keep Mituna waiting, not if he's as eager as his message seems to convey. 

"Vantas, you feel up to continuing this some other time? I've got a date." 

"A date?" Kankri perks up, "With who?" 

"Just somebody." Kurloz smiles to himself and that alone seems to satisfy Kankri, who looks almost delighted, "I've got to get going." He pushes the laptop to Kankri and stands, calling for Latula so that she can let him out. She comes running, ruffling his curls as she unlocks the door, grinning at him. She looks so happy, so glad, that it makes him feel terrible for what he's doing behind her back. Latula Pyrope is a great girl and Kurloz never intended to fall for her boyfriend, not like this. He'd pitied him and cared for him and now, Mituna was insisting on telling him that he was the best and covering him with kisses. It was a little alarming, how quickly he'd gotten into this mess actually. 

The door swings shut behind him and he starts down the street, remembering that this was exactly what had happened with Meulin. Their relationship had been strictly professional but before he knew it, he was falling for her. Somehow, the same thing seemed to have happened with Mituna. Except it wasn't exactly the same. 

His love for Meulin had been adoring and fluffy. 

His love for Mituna was different to that. 

He couldn't love Mituna in the same way because what they had was entirely different. Mituna gripped his hand tightly in a way that made Kurloz feel wanted and pressed his face against Kurloz's chest when he giggled and liked Kurloz to stroke his hair while they cuddled. Mituna Captor, as crude and obnoxious as he could be, might be the biggest softie that Kurloz has ever met when they're alone together. 

He knew the way to the Captor house off by heart and found himself smiling widely as he started down the street. Everybody seemed oblivious to what was going on and it seemed that Mituna had decided to keep his mouth shut when it came to what him and Kurloz got up to behind locked doors. And whilst Kurloz knew that they couldn't keep this hidden forever, he hoped, hoped, hoped that they could. He didn't want to hurt Latula, he really didn't. 

Still, what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her, he thinks as he knocks on the door. They could keep this from her a little longer. He can hear the pattering of footsteps as Mituna rushes to answer, the sound of him yelling to his parents that "KURLOZTH ITH HERE, KURLOZTH ITH HERE!". 

Mituna flings open the door and nearly crushes Kurloz in a frantic hug. He's only half-dressed, wearing his favourite yellow shirt and his striped underwear but seems to have decided to forgo pants today. Kurloz hates that he loves the way heat pools in his stomach at the sight of him. He hates that he loves the way that Mituna's arms fit so well around him, squeezing him tightly, and he hates that he loves the way that he feels wanted for the first time in his life. 

Kurloz runs a hand through his hair, soothing him as he jumbles his words in his excitement. 

"I miththed you so much! Kurloz!" Mituna manages eventually, "Come in! We can play gameth!" And he pulls him down so that he can reach his ear and whisper, "Dad and Dad are going to go out thith afternoon. We'll have the entire houthe to ourthelveth." 

Kurloz hates himself for feeling excited. 

He waves to Mr and Mr Captor as he passes the front room, which they are currently occupying, but can't stop to chat because Mituna is pulling him past and up the stairs. He doesn't even get to ask where they're going, what Mituna's doing- and he doesn't have to because he knows. Suddenly, he feels about fifteen years old all over again as he's dragged into Mituna's room and the door slams behind them. And suddenly, those slim arms are wrapped tightly around him again and Mituna's reaching up to kiss him, making a sloppy mess of Kurloz's facepaint. And he clings to him like a parasite, clenching a fistful of Kurloz's hair in his left hand, dragging him back onto the bed, pulling the therapist down on top of him. 

"Mituna, not now." Kurloz whispers, as the other man mouths at his ear, succeeding in smearing him with drool. 

"Why not now?" Mituna whines. 

"Because your dads are still downstairs." 

"We can be quiet. Thhhuthhh." Mituna presses a single finger to his lips as he struggles with the zipper of Kurloz's hoodie, muttering in frustration under his breath, "Fucking... C'mon... I can't... I... Fucking piece of-! Thhit! Fucking, fuck!" He gets louder as he gets more irritated and Kurloz shushes him gently, silencing him with a long kiss as he unzips his hoodie himself and shrugs it off. Immediately, Mituna is pushing his hands up under Kurloz's shirt and running them over his skin with a satisfied look on his face. Mituna has some sensory thing that Kurloz isn't sure about but it means that he loves to touch Kurloz's skin and makes gentle purring noises as he does so.

"You're so cute." 

"Thhut up, aththhat." 

"But you are." He can't help moaning as Mituna gets to work on unbuttoning his pants and tugging them off, exposing Kurloz's long legs. Instantly, honey-coloured hands are running their way over his thighs and then back up his shirt, this time to pull it off over his head. Any chance that Kurloz had of keeping his facepaint from getting smudged is now completely ruined, especially when Mituna's hands creep onto his face. Obediently, Kurloz closes his eyes and lets the Gemini poke and kiss at his face in turn. 

"Kurlozth, you're tho pretty!!" 

"You're not half-bad yourself. I might even go as far as to say-"

"Thexy ath hell!" He's interrupted by a bright voice. 

"What?" 

"Thexy ath hell!" Mituna repeats, "I'm thexy ath hell, Kurlozth. Thexy. Ath. Hell."

"Yeah. Yeah, you are." He wipes the drool off the Gemini's chin, "Sexy as hell." And he means it.

"God, jutht take me now." Mituna giggles, pressing his face up against Kurloz's bare chest and pretending to nip at him, "Thexy ath hell." Whether he's complimenting himself or Kurloz, the Capricorn has no idea. 

Kurloz lets him remove his own clothes, since Mituna hisses in protest when he tries to peel them off. The point is taken and the mime holds his hands up in a visible surrender so that Mituna can see. The Gemini pulls his own clothes off considerably slower than he removed the Capricorn's but Kurloz doesn't rush him, letting him take his time with it. Eventually, he has a naked and vulnerable Mituna sat on his lap and whining at him, nuzzling against him. There's something pathetic in the little chirps escaping him now. 

"Hey... What's wrong, brother?" 

He's mumbling and hitting his head repeatedly against Kurloz's chest as he tries to voice his upset. 

"Tuna'th going to kill me if thhe findth out." He says, finally, sound distressed. He sniffles. 

"She's going to crucify the pair of us." Kurloz runs a hand through his boyfriend's dark hair, pushing it back so that he can see his mismatched eyes and the tears filling them; Mituna winces at having so much of his face exposed and instantly, the therapist knows to remove his hand and let his hair flop back into place again, "We don't have to do anything if you don't want to. We can both get dressed and pretend this never happened." He presses gentle kisses onto the Gemini's forehead, pressing them into his thick mess of hair. 

"But I do want to, Kurloz. I want to. Really!" There's another quiet sniffle. 

"If you're sure..."

"I am! I am! This wath my idea! I've been thinking about you all day!" 

"You... You have?" Something inside of Kurloz melts and he feels strangely warm, especially in his chest. He can hear his blood pulsing loudly in his ears. 

"Of courthe! I love you!" He whines, finally ceasing smacking his head against Kurloz. 

"I love you too, Tuna." 

The Gemini yells with delight, his mischievous grin returning, and Kurloz is grinning like an idiot as he shushes him.


	23. ACT THREE: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have writers block. Next chapter will be better, I promise.

Two weeks have passed since the initial meeting with Kankri and Kurloz and not a single word about the discussion or the letters has been spoken to Sollux. Eridan's afraid to confront him about any of it, especially since the Gemini seems to be oblivious to the fact that Aradia wasn't actually happy. Eridan would hate to take that strange kind of innocence away from him. 

Other than the bad dreams that still seem to be bothering him, Sollux had actually been great (another reason not to tell him because Eridan could screw everything up by doing that). Right now, he's lying on the couch marathoning some old movies with Karkat leaning against him. It's strange that the pair seem to have become suddenly inseparable recently, since they seemed to hate each other for the first few days of knowing each other. Karkat was already here when Eridan crawled out of bed and has been occupying their couch for the past four hours, slumped against Sollux. They'd only paused once and that was to get snacks an hour or so ago. 

"How've you been doing, Erifin?" Feferi asks, drawing him out of his thoughts and back to where he was standing in the kitchen with her. Well, he was standing and she was sitting on the counter with a mug of coffee in her hands. He'd even rescued some biscuits that he'd received from his dad for Christmas- a small gift to acknowledge that he hadn't been forgotten. Cronus hadn't got anything and refused to share them with him. He said it was fine, made a joke of it, but there was still a look of pain in his eyes. Eridan often wonders what it would be like if he'd been born first and Cronus second. 

"Oh, you knoww." Eridan shrugs, taking a long sip of tea to calm his worried thoughts, "Sometimes I think I'm spendin' far too much time wworryin' about other people and not myself." He smiled, "You must get that a lot, bein' a qualified nurse and all." 

"I know what you mean." Feferi agrees, "But I don't think you should be netting your cute pants in a twist aboat anyfin, Eri. Everything's okay, isn't it? I mean, Shoallux seems fine. Your brother's happy. What have you got to worry about?" 

"I don't knoww. Somethin' just seems really off around here. Like the calm before the storm, you knoww?" He sighs, "Maybe I'm just paranoid. It's just been such a long time since anythin' wwent wwrong around here." It sounds stupid to say it aloud but it's true. Something about the calm and happy feeling unnerves him but perhaps that's just his anxiety looming over him. "Speakin' of siblings, howw's that sister of yours?"

This seems to put a damper on Feferi's bubbly mood. "Oh, Meenah? She's... She's okay, I guess. I haven't really seen her around." She glances away and Eridan recalls what little he knows about the relationship between the two sisters; he doesn't remember any grudges being held between them but there again, they'd never been close either. Meenah tended to ignore most people, family included. 

"Did you guys havve a big fight or somethin'?" 

"No, it's nothfin like that. Don't worry about it, fish. Tell me more aboat this wedding of yours. It's coming up soon, right?" Feferi is quick to change the topic, looking blatantly uncomfortable at having to talk about her sister for even a second. Eridan considers pushing the topic and decides that he'll try another time. Instead, he'll allow himself to discuss the wedding instead. 

"Wwell, wwe wwere thinkin' of havvin' it on the 2nd of August. Sol said if wwe wwere gonna do it, it wwould havve to be the second to satisfy his wweird twwo kink." Eridan sighs, "But I guess that makes it.... Fivve months and a wweek from noww." Suddenly, that doesn't seem so far away, "Remind me to make some invvitations."

"We can make them later today if you'd like." Feferi smiles, "I'd be happy to help. Cream paper, purple envelopes?" 

"You knoww me so wwell." Eridan can't help grinning at her and taking her hands to help her down from the kitchen counter- it's kind of amusing that she's short enough for it to seem like she needs help down. She's a little smaller than Eridan, a little taller than Karkat but she's rounder than the pair of them; everything about her is curvy and bouncy. 

"We'll have to go shopping, of course. Go get your shoes, fish." Feferi says. 

"Oh my god, I can't go out like this." Eridan gestures to his Sollux's-sweater-and-some-old-pants ensemble, "I'm not dressed for a shoppin' trip. I havven't evven done my hair, Fef." It's still flopping in front of his face, stupidly long whenever it's not gelled into place, down to about his shoulders by now. The Pisces lets out an over exaggerated sigh. 

"Eridan Seamus Ampora." She says, in her no-nonsense voice, "You look perfectly fine. It's the mall, not a catwalk! Go and get your shoes." It's moments like these that reminds Eridan that Feferi is going to be a really good Mom to somebody someday, as he scurries to get his shoes and a thicker jacket to wear over the top, "There's a good fish. Shoallux! Karcrab!" 

"What the fuck do you want, Peixes?" comes the demand from Karkat.

"Me and Erifin are going to the mall. Would either of you like anything?" 

"You're going to the mall? Why?" Sollux sounds genuinely confused as to why anybody in their wildest dreams would consider going to the mall. He's such an introvert, Eridan has got to start taking him out more often. Once every month or so obviously isn't enough. 

"We're going to buy things for wedding invitations. Like envelopes! And glitter! And tiny stickers that are shaped like cuttlefish!" 

"My wweddin' not yours, Fef!" Eridan calls, tying his shoes and heading back to the main room to stand in the doorway, "I am not havvin' cuttlefish on my invvitations." 

"Our invitationth." Sollux corrects, "Can I come?" 

"Do you really want to?" Karkat raises an eyebrow.

"Yeah, man. I wanna help with the wedding. Bethideth, we can hit McDonaldth afterwardth." 

"Are vwe goin' to the mall?" Of course, Cronus had to appear then, right behind Eridan and slinging an arm around him in his usually relaxed manner. Up close, the younger brother realises that the usual smell of cigarette smoke and alcohol has vanished to be replaced by the smell of intense. It's gotta be the work of Kankri and Eridan is grateful. 

"Yes." comes the reply from half the room. 

"Apparently." Karkat rolls his eyes. 

"Vwell then, you're goin' to need a driwver to escort ya, aren't ya, kids?" Cronus grins like a shark and Eridan punches him on the arm, "Ovw. Alright, alright, ya not kids. Ya "young adults". About the right age for them to market those bullshit hipster books at." Eridan punches him once more, "Dan, chill." 

"I hate you." 

"I can drive." Karkat says, pointedly, "Get lost, Travolta." 

"Damn it." Cronus says, as he retreats back down the corridor. Or tries to because he collides with his boyfriend and the pair of them go stumbling. "'Ey there, chief! Kids said vwe can't chaperone them." His tiny boyfriend is apparently not to be dismayed as easily because he just pops back up and moves to stand beside Eridan, slapping away Cronus's wandering hands. 

"Did somebody say something about escorting a trip to the mall?" Kankri has apparently picked up on the fact they're going to the mall, "I am fully prepared to escort a group of mentally ill adults to the mall. I'm qualified for it, in fact." 

"Mentally ill?" Sollux chokes, "Viva la _fuck you_ , Vantath." 

"Escort us?" Karkat demands. 

"Kan, oh my cod." 

"Cod." Sollux snickers. 

"That's enough!" Feferi waves a hand, silencing the room and the murmurs slowly filling it, "Me and Erifin are going to the mall. Cronus, if you would like to escort us, you are welcome to."

"Yes, ma'am!" There's a mock salute.

"Krabkri, this is not a school field trip and you don't net to play adult. If you come, you are going to stay quiet and keep to yourshelf." He opens his mouth to protest and she shushes him, "Shoallux, I would like to work out what these invitations are going to read. After all, it's your wedding too."

"Ha." He sticks his tongue out at Eridan and the Aquarius flips him off. 

"Karkrab, use your knowledge of romantic shit and help him out please. I want nice invitations. I'm also making you best man because I can't handle this shit on my own. Help your nerdy friend out, he has no idea what he's doing." 

Sollux rolls his eyes but doesn't protest. 

Eridan smiles. 

Karkat's dull, tired eyes seem to light up. 

"Come in, Eri." Before he can so much as say a word, he's grabbed by the arm and dragged out of the front door. His protests that he looks awful and his hair is flat is totally ignored by his best friend, who just continues to pull him outside. Close behind is Kankri, who unlocks the car, and Cronus, who calls driver and slides into the front seat. Feferi calls shotgun and that's how Eridan ends up sitting next to his therapist in the backseat on the way to the mall to buy envelopes on a Saturday morning. 

"I think it's nice that we get to have these little outings together." Kankri breaks the rule about staying quiet within about five seconds and Eridan finds himself wishing that it was his boyfriend sat next to him instead. He wonders if it's too late to roll over the top of his seat and into the very-very backseat. 

"Yes, it's quite lovely." Feferi agrees, turning to smile at him, "It's so nice to see you more often, Eridan." She offers a cheerful wave in his direction and he shrugs. 

"Well, I think that-" Kankri tries. 

"Cronus, put the radio on." Eridan says and his brother complies, "Thanks." 

Finally, Kankri takes the hint and quietens down, humming along under his breath to some of the slower songs. 

At the mall, they agree to meet up for lunch and split, going opposite ways. Eridan gets to take the keys and is informed that he is to return to the car if he starts to panic for any reason. He huffs. But Feferi drags Eridan away, only to pause suddenly to glance back and giggle, gesturing for him to look. Peeking around, he catches a glimpse of his older brother with his arm wrapped around the much shorter therapist. Even from here, it's easy to tell that the pair of them are grinning at each other and Eridan is caught between wanting to awww over it and puke. Feferi lets out a content sort of sigh and makes mocking kissy noises at Eridan, who pushes her away, grinning. 

"C'mon, let's go pick out some cute clothes for you." 

"Wwoah, wwoah, I thought wwe wwere gettin' envvelopes." 

"We are. But I need to get you some decent pants. Nothing with stripes." 

"Fef, there's nothin' wwrong wwith a feww stripes here and there!" 

"There's everyfin wrong with stripes wherever they are!" Feferi seems to have no taste when it comes to good pants but he's always in favour of shopping for new clothes, especially when she's paying for him, so he lets himself be pulled along, linked arm in arm with her, "We need to do somefin about that hair of yours too." 

"Wwhat's wwrong wwith my hair?" Eridan huffs, running a hand through it to emphasise his point and pushing it to the side. He really wishes that he'd had time to style it up today. 

"Fish." Feferi says, gently, "I hate to be the one to tell you this but your ginger's coming through again. I'd tell you to grow it out but I know you'd throw a hissy fit..." She looks disappointed, jutting out her bottom lip, "Can we dye the purple back in like you had in college?" 

"Shit, I wwas a mess in college, wwhat wwas I evven-" He realises that she's purposely distracting him and pokes her in the ribs, "Hey, did you say my roots wwere comin' through?! Is it really bad?!" 

"Cod, no, it's fine." Feferi giggles, leading him into a store and towards the back, where they keep the girls clothes; he just knows that she's going to let him wear girls clothes again and can barely conceal his excitement. It's not like even like he likes wearing ridiculously over-the-top pink clothes and purple eyeshadow or anything like that. He just prefers the softer feel of girl's shirts and they have way prettier pastel coloured pants and he can appreciate a little bit of contouring here and there. Anyway, the idea of getting to look through the girl's section again- something he's scared to do without Fef- is exciting. 

"Wwhy'd you point it out then?" 

"I'm just saying that we could get a salon to do your roots for you, seeing as we're already out." 

"Can we get manicures too?" 

"If you want to, Eri, of course we can." She smiles at him and leads him away to the girls section without any further discussion. Delighted, he's more than happy to oblige when she insists on dressing him up, as long as nobody else sees. There's skirts and dresses and silky shirts and lots and lots of purple. In the privacy of the dressing rooms, which Feferi has asked an attendant to block off and slipped them fifty dollars so they would do so, Eridan twirls for her and she giggles. 

"Wwhat do you think Sol wwould think?" Eridan inquires, coming to a stop in front of Feferi and letting her check the fit, "Do you think he'd think it wwas wweird?" 

"Honestly, honey, I don't think he'd notice if you were walking around the house stark naked." Feferi raises her eyebrows, giggling at the thought, "Boys like him don't notice clothes, you know that."

"Right." Eridan says, a little disappointed because he knows that she's right. Sollux wouldn't notice if he was wearing a shark costume, let alone simple clothes like this. It makes him a little sad that his boyfriend wouldn't have any interest in his secret passion but he shrugs it off, changing back into his clothes and shoving a pile of pretty things into Feferi's arms. She's beaming at him still. 

"I'm so glad you're pushing through your anxiety. I thought you would be too nervous to try anything like this ever again." 

"I'm glad too." He agrees, hastily, as they head out of the changing rooms arm in arm and Feferi waves to the attendant so to reopen them now. Together, smiling, they head to the till and Eridan is so glad that he came with her today, so, so, so, so glad. Feferi pays with her credit card and they split the bags between them, discussing which store to head to next. It's only when they're leaving that Feferi stops suddenly. 

"Woah, that guy looks just like Shoallux!" Feferi proclaims in a whisper, pointing and trying not to look like she was pointing simultaneously, "Doesn't he, Eri?"

"Are you sure you're not just bein' racist?"

"No, no, look!" Feferi tugs on his arm and with a grumble, Eridan follows her gaze to see where she's looking. Following her gaze, his eyes fall on a familiar gangly figure in a familiarly hideous yellow hoodie with a bad mess of hair. And, nearly dropping his shopping, he lets out a squawk. "Doesn't he look like him?" 

"Fef, he looks like him because that's Sol's fuckin' brother!" He exclaims in a hiss of breath, "Is that _Kurloz_ with him?" He swears that's the mime with his arm locked tightly in Mituna's. 

"Hey! Hey! Kurloz!" Before he can pull her away, Feferi has set off at a jogging pace, "Hey!" Watching on- and trailing after his friend in annoyance- Eridan notices that it's definitely the therapist, rather close to Mituna. Though, as they catch each other's eye, the therapist draws warily away from him and glowers at Eridan as he approaches. Feferi is already there and flinging her arms around Kurloz with incredible enthusiasm, squealing as she does so. 

"Kurloz! Kurloz!" She beams, "I haven't see you in forever. I missed you!" 

"It's been a while, sister." 

"What are you doing up here?" 

Kurloz shifts nervously, glancing at Mituna, who's grinning. 

"Buying comic bookth. Duh!" He says, pointedly, "Dad and Dad are buthy tho Kurloz thaid he'd bring me here. Nice boobth, fithh girl." The Gemini pokes at Feferi and grins even wider. The mime seems to relax.

"Hey!" Feferi pokes him back in the chest. Kurloz inhales sharply. 

Mituna also sucks in a huge breath but that's so that he can start screaming. 

"Oh, fuck, brother, no." Kurloz groans as he does his best to comfort his... Friend? Papping his face gently with his left hand and muttering gentle words. 

"Did I do something wrong?" Feferi looks surprised; and then, she drops her voice to a whisper and pulls Eridan in close so that nobody will overhear, "What's wrong with him?"

"Oh. Tun's just got some damage in his brain." Eridan explains, "I don't think he likes you touchin' him. C'mon, Fef, you'vve trained as a nurse. Didn't they evver tell you about people wwith brain damage?" From the way she's frowning, no, they didn't, not really. 

"Shoooshhhh, brother..." 

"Thhetouchmeididntwantheetotouchmewhydidhsetouchmeihaeteitihatejrer." 

"Well, I don't... They..." Feferi looks very upset that she caused Mituna to throw a shrieking fit. He's now hunched over himself on the floor and people are beginning to look as he gently rocks himself, Kurloz leaning over him to calm him gently. There's definitely a small kiss or two exchanged, Eridan's ready to swear his life on it. 

"I think you should get going, brother and sister." 

Feferi's bottom lip wobbles. "I didn't mean to do anything wrong." And Kurloz doesn't say anything, just watching them as they trail away. 

Luckily, Feferi does brighten up after they've visited a few more stores and bought her some more spangly jewellery to wear but obviously, she doesn't forget what happened because she brings it up thoughtfully as they're leaving the mall. Clothes and envelopes bought, manicures done, hair re-dyed, Eridan feels as if he can finally relax somewhat. 

"It's funny. I thought that Mituna had a girlfriend." Feferi says, as they cross the parking lot, "I could've sworn that Nepeta said that he had a girlfriend." 

"Who's Nepeta?" Eridan inquires, raising an eyebrow. 

"Oh, just a new gill at work." Feferi says, absentmindedly, "She already seemed to know a whole bunch of people. She's pretty cool. But more of a cat person than a fish person." She says this with a tone of considerable disappointment, "Do we tell Shoallux that we saw his brother?" 

Eridan considers this. "No. It's none of our business." 

"You have a point." Feferi says and that's when the first drips of rain begin to fall from the sky. Slowly and then faster, Eridan's glasses are quickly smeared with water and he can just hear Feferi giggling as the two of them make a beeline for the car. Thanking god that Kankri leant him the keys, Eridan unlocks the door and the pair of them pile into the car. Eridan snags the passenger seat. 

"April showers! In March!" Feferi says, brightly, as she climbs into the backseat of the car with a flick of her damp hair and a swish of her pink skirt, "Doesn't everything look pretty?" Begrudgingly, Eridan has to agree with her. The rain falling against the pink sky of the sunset is very pretty indeed. Watching the way that Feferi smiles at it, he feels a small pang that Sollux isn't here to look with him. Sure, he'd probably only snap a picture of it for "aesthetic" and then return to looking at his Tumblr feed but still, it would be nice to have him here. Feferi seems to be reading his mind. 

"Sollux needs to get out more." She says, "Take him out somewhere!" 

"Wwhere?" 

"I don't know." Feferi admits with a shrug, "I'm not the best at romantic things. Maybe somewhere outside and sunny. How about a park or day out in the city or something? I'm sure he'd enjoy anything as long as you were there." 

"I'll consider it." He says nonchalantly, though his mind is already racing with a mix of excitement and panic. He's still buzzing with ideas five minutes later, texting Sollux eagerly to request another date with just the two of them this time, when Cronus and Kankri return. He pretends not to notice the way they're wrapped around each other and holds his cell closer to his face, typing quickly. 

From Eridan to Sollux:  
hey how about a date sometime with just the two of us

"Ewvenin', all." Cronus grins, sliding into the backseat and making Feferi giggle, "Hovw vwas ewverybody's day?" 

From Sollux to Eridan:  
sure. you got something planned? 

"It seems that you purchased a lot more than a few envelopes." Kankri says, buckling his seatbelt and turning on the ignition, "I'd say you purchased a whole clothing store judging by the amount we've got cramping our feet." And he backs the car out expertly before swinging out of the parking lot. He drives as carefully as always. Eridan is grateful. 

From Eridan to Sollux:  
somethin like that

It's definitely evening by the time they get home, since when Eridan looks up he can see the first of the stars creeping back into the darker sky. He's smiling as he heads inside, Feferi at his heels, Cronus and Kankri hanging back behind them. Whilst they were gone, it seems that Karkat took charge and cracked down because there's not only a hundred drafts for the invitations but actual printed complete ones stacked in piles. Sollux has passed out on the couch but Karkat is awake to greet them, brandishing a finished invitation with pride. 

"Looks great, Kar." Eridan tells him and no word of a lie, the smaller man has to hide a grin. Having been approved, he says his goodbyes, gets tackled in a brief hug by Feferi, and he leaves. Kankri sighs, muttering something to Cronus about never getting to see his brother nowadays, before the two disappear- probably to do something about the sexual tension, Eridan guesses- into their room. Sure enough, it's not long before he can hear quiet moans, which he does his best to block out. 

Him and Feferi are quick to get to work. 

And it's only as he's reaching the bottom of the seemingly endless pile of envelopes, licking the last of them and sliding the paper and glitter inside that he feels a pair of long slim arms slip their way over his shoulders. Even out of the very corner of his eye, he can't help smiling at the sight of a tired Sollux slumped over him.

"Hey." He murmurs. 

"Hey there, Captor." 

"Eridan, I'm sure that I can fish-nish the rest." Feferi says, hurriedly, shooing him away, "Please, make out somewhere else. I don't want to see it." She giggles and Eridan shrugs, standing up without hesitation and letting Sollux's arms slide down a little, "You two go have fun. Just make sure to keep it down." 

"You're the betht, FF." Sollux grins, "He never would have gotten the hint." 

Feferi beams. "Shush, he's an oblivious baby." 

"I am not." Eridan huffs. 

But he lets Sollux lead him to the bedroom without further protest, only pausing to wave at Fef. 

She sticks her tongue out.


	24. ACT THREE: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is also a little bad.
> 
> More focus on the Vantases this time. 
> 
> TW: abuse?? yeah, abuse. Towards the end.

Sushi is pretty fucking weird, Sollux has decided, and it's kind of fucked up that Eridan enjoys it. 

Seriously, considering how delighted his boyfriend had been to visit the aquarium, it was kind of fucked up that he wanted to eat fish for lunch today. But Sollux had nodded, hating how much it made his head hurt to do so, and let himself be dragged to the nearest sushi place. 

It was pretty neat how the food went round on a little conveyor belt and that you could take whatever you wanted. The Japanese names and writing was also exciting but perhaps only because Sollux was a little bit of a weeaboo at heart. It was hardly his fault that Japanese games and movies were so cool. Ahem. Anyway, he almost felt excited as they were seated, just the two of them for once, side-by-side. 

Since they'd gained so many friends, time together had been scarce and rarely private. They always had to be quiet because Feferi was next door or they couldn't talk because Kankri would butt in or Eridan would want to hang out and Karkat would too and Sollux would be caught in the middle. 

"Go crazy, Sol." Eridan had said, picking up some chopsticks and snapping them apart, "Get wwhatevver the hell you wwant." _I'm so glad you came_ , goes unsaid. 

"Great." Sollux had said, managing a small smile. 

It had been half an hour and he'd already managed to slump, reaching the point in this dumb day out when he definitely needed to go home. Now, he was picking at some noodles despite the queasy feeling in his stomach and leaning against Eridan, trying his best not to look too pathetic. 

See, for a while now, he's managed to act better. Sure, he doesn't feel great but he's stable enough to know not to wander off in the middle of the night or refuse to get up. He feels just as bad as before but he drags himself out of bed for Eridan. He does it all for Eridan. He just hopes that the depression vanishes soon so that he doesn't have to force his grin anymore. 

"C'mon, bee, eat up. You're startin' to look like a skeleton." Eridan has not noticed Sollux's declining interest in food and pokes at him with chopsticks, dropping rice in his mouth before he can protest. The rice is too chewy and sticks to the roof of Sollux's mouth. He swallows; he smiles; and Eridan seems content with this. It's still sticking to his mouth, wet and soft like mush. 

"So, I wwas thinkin' red an' blue flowwers?" 

"What?" Sollux forces another forkful... Wait, chopstickful of noodles into his mouth. He swallows. They slither down his throat like snakes. Repeat. 

"For the wweddin'." Eridan prompts, elbowing him, "Yeah?" 

Sollux's stomach seems to curl in on itself. 

"Yeah. Thure. That thoundth really nice, ED." 

"Doesn't it just?" Eridan beams. 

"Yeah." Sollux puts down his chopsticks, "Can you wait one thec? I gotta uthe the bathroom." 

"Of courthe." Eridan pulls him in briefly to kiss his cheek, "Don't be too long or I'll get dessert wwithout you." And he grins mischievously and Sollux stomach seems to drop right out of his body and onto the floor. 

Fuck, he feels awful. 

But he nods and heads to the bathroom, letting himself into one of the stalls, and locking the door. And he puts the lid down and collapses on it, resting his head against the wall. He closes his eyes. He wants to sleep forever. Not even in a suicidal sort of way; he just wants the world to stop so he can take a few days to rest and recover without bothering anyone. 

When he thinks about Eridan's face, how confident he looked compared to a few months back, he feels awful. When he thinks about Eridan not needing his pills anymore, he feels awful. When he thinks about Eridan, he feels awful, awful, awful. Because his boyfriend is on the quick road to recovery but Sollux is holding him back, clinging to him. They're out in the ocean and the waves are quick and the boat's coming to rescue Eridan but Sollux is dragging him down with him, refusing to let him be saved. 

Shit, he feels like he could puke. He holds his stomach and moans quietly to himself. 

From Sollux to Karkat:  
i can't do this

From Karkat to Sollux:  
YOU ARE INTERRUPTING QUALITY BOYFRIEND TIME, YOU BETTER BE FUCKING DYING

From Sollux to Karkat:  
shit i feel like i am. help.

From Karkat to Sollux:  
ARE YOU WITH ERIDAN? 

From Sollux to Karkat:  
yeah, kinda. we're on this day out thing to buy wedding stuff and i'm hiding out in the bathroom, please come rescue me, i feel terrible. i'm gonna puke it's so bad, kk. 

From Karkat to Sollux:  
YOU OWE ME BIG TIME FOR THIS. TELL ERIDAN YOU FEEL SICK BUT DON'T WANT TO RUIN HIS DAY AND I'LL COME PICK YOUR SORRY ASS UP. HELL, I'LL EVEN BRING FISH PRINCESS TO KEEP ERIDAN HAPPY. 

From Sollux to Karkat:  
i owe you man

From Karkat to Sollux:  
YEAH, WHATEVER, JUST SEND ME THE ADDRESS. 

He does and then, he returns to where Eridan is sitting and flicking through a notebook. Sollux recognises it quickly as the wedding planner and has to swallow hard before returning to his seat. He sits down with a thump and Eridan looks up, smiling. 

"Hey, Sol. Havve you evver tried rice cakes? They're the nicest thing-" 

Sollux inwardly and outwardly groans. "ED. I don't feel too good." 

"Oh, are you gettin' sick?" Instantly, Eridan's expression melts into one of concern.

"Maybe. I don't know. But I can't-" 

"Do you need to go home? I can call Cro to come pick us up." Eridan is already scrolling through his phone for the number. Frowning, Sollux takes his hand and pulls it away from the call button. He rubs his thumb against Eridan's hand. 

"I've texted KK." He informs him, "He'th coming to pick me up and bringing FF to thhop with you inthtead." 

For a moment, Eridan looks hurt; then, he regains his composure, "Cool. Good ol' Kar." There's something bitter in his tone of voice and he returns to his notebook, writing a little more huffily now. 

"Did I thay thomething wrong?" 

"Mhm." 

"What did I do?" 

"Mhm." 

"Eridan?" 

"I can't believve you texted Kar instead of askin' me." Eridan blurts out finally, "Wwhat, did you think that I wwouldn't take you home if you asked?" 

"Well-" 

"Sol, if you asked me to build you a freakin' palace, I wwould comply. I wwould havve dropped evverythin' to get you home. You're the most important person to me, I'm not goin' to drag you around if you're feelin' bad." He sighs, "I just wwish that you trusted me more sometimes, you knoww." He pats his boyfriend on the arm, tries to smile, fails. Pausing for a moment, Eridan wraps his arms around him. "I wwish you trusted me more." 

"I do... Trutht you." 

"Bullshit. You an' Kar are keepin' me out of the loop." 

"The loop of watching thhitty movieth, yeah." Sollux's heart hurts from how fast it's thumping. 

"Yeah... Right..." Eridan doesn't seem to buy this, "There's Kar noww." Out of the window, they can easily see as the beat-up car is parked badly and Karkat climbs out to curse at his own inadequacy. Then, he storms towards the door, flipping them the bird when he sees them looking at him. The familiar sight of Feferi, curled pink hair full of tiny braids, bounces towards them. 

"Look after yourself, Sol." Eridan hasn't let go of him yet and now, he squeezes him tightly. Sollux realises that Eridan knows. Eridan knows that he's doing bad. And he feels terrible for lying to him. "Don't do anythin' I wwouldn't do." 

"Jeez, KK'th driving me home. We're not going to go throw rockth at people'th houtheth." 

Karkat takes that moment to appear. "As if you could throw to save your life, Captor. C'mon, let's get your ass home. Don't puke on my car." 

"I think some puke would actshelly improve your car." Feferi wrinkles her nose. 

"We can't all have fancy designer cars, Peixes. Take care of your hipster." Karkat hooks his hand around Sollux's elbow and yanks him to his feet, pulling him towards the door. 

"Sea you, buoys!" Feferi waves. 

"Bye Sol." Eridan says; before nodding curtly to Karkat, " _Kar._ " Dislike and contempt is clear in his voice, though as soon as they're out the door, Eridan seems to visibly slump. Sollux watches through the window as the Aquarius turns to the Pisces and begins to explain, talking with his hands and looking miserable. Karkat thumps him to get his attention. 

"Get in the car." 

Sollux does. 

"Seatbelt." 

Sollux buckles it. 

"Hold on." 

For a moment, this statement confuses him until Karkat slams down his foot and absolutely floors it. 

"JETHUTH." Honestly, Sollux never thought that he would meet a worst driver than himself. He hasn't been in a car driven this fast 

_(since he crashed headfirst and destroyed the car, since he killed Aradia, since his parents died)_

in forever. For the first time, he takes in Karkat's appearance and notices that the man looks truly and utterly pissed. His eyebrows are pulled together so tightly that they may be stuck their permanently and the rage in his eyes could burn towns to the ground. Ironically, he is also wearing a knitted sweater with the words "BEST BOYFRIEND" badly stitched across the front of it. God, Sollux hopes that it's a gift from Dave. 

"Karkat, thank you tho-" 

"Shut the fuck up. You interrupted my afternoon with your bullshit. Do you even understand how rarely I get to spend time alone with Dave? And now you've ruined it. I hope you're happy. My dad is going to kick my ass if he gets home and finds Dave there." Karkat pauses, thinking that over, "Shit, I should text him to haul ass out of there. Fuck, Dad is going to murder me." Karkat pulls his phone from his pocket and begins to hammer the keys, "Dad's gonna murder him. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit." In the space of a minute, Karkat goes from angry to panicked and for the first time, Sollux remembers the story that Kankri tells at the start of every therapy group. 

The story of how his dad was incredibly abusive and "toxic", both verbally and physically, and how Kankri had only just managed to escape once he'd turn twenty. He always explained how difficult it is to leave when you're constantly looking over your shoulder to see if you're being followed; how hard it is when you're torn between hating someone but knowing underneath that you love them. He explained that leaving was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. He'd never mentioned that Karkat had left too. 

"Thhit, you thtill live with your dad?" 

Karkat looks up from his phone. "Yes." 

"Your abuthive dad?" 

"Shut the fuck up." 

"I didn't-" 

"Shut the fuck up." Karkat tosses his phone onto Sollux's lap, "I can't type, my hands are shaking. Find Dave's number and text him, tell him to head home." Obediently, Sollux slides open the phone and (huh? No password? That's weird...) finds Dave's number listed. It's one of three contacts: Dave, Sollux, Feferi. Worryingly, Kankri isn't listed there. Neither is Eridan. 

From Karkat to Dave:  
hey its sollux. kk says to haul your ass out of his house, double time. 

From Dave to Karkat:  
uh, hi dude. tell him that i'm not sure I can. 

From Dave to Karkat:  
his dad came home early. he's downstairs. 

From Dave to Karkat:  
it sounds like he's breaking things. i'm literally in the closet right now to hide. 

From Karkat to Dave:  
oh shit are you serious? climb out of the window, man. 

From Dave to Karkat:  
i don't think i can, this place is falling apart, theres nothing to hold onto.

From Karkat to Dave:  
we're on our way to rescue you, hang in there. 

From Dave to Karkat:  
tell karkat to be safe

By now, Karkat is swearing vigorously and spinning the wheel like a drunk man, going at full speed. "Fuck, shit, fuck. Call Kankri and ask him to bring his boyfriend. I can't do this on my own, not this time. Fuck, he said... Oh my god..." Karkat looks like he might cry. 

Sollux dials the landline. "Hey KK." 

"Hello Kar- _Sollux?!_ " 

"How did you know thith wath KK'th phone- oh, fuck it. Here'th the long and thhort of it: Dave ith trapped in the clothet, your dad is piththed, we need backup." 

"Lux, please slow down!" 

"Dave ith thtuck around your houthe on hith own. Your dad came home early. Karkat may or may not be having thome kind of panic attack. Pleathe come and help uth." Maybe it's his tone of voice or the complicated history of the Vantas family but Kankri seems to take him at his word. 

"Okay, boys, I'm on my way. Don't do anything rash without me." There's a hardness to his voice, a toughness, but also a weak and gentle softness. Sollux gets the impression that he quite likes playing the part of the older brother. 

After Karkat parks up (badly) in front of an old house that looked exactly like the rest of crumbling ones lining the street, they climb out of the car, Karkat pulls the sweater off. He leaves it in the car, tucking it under the seat to hide it from view. And he pauses outside, looking up at his home. It seems to be held together by cobwebs, boards, and pure determination. Almost all of the windows are badly cracked and taped up to hide it. One of the windows has been knocked entirely from it's frame. The grass is still lying on the dead and dry lawn. 

"Nice place." Sollux mutters, dryly, feeling rather anxious. 

"Shut your fucking trap." Karkat looks shaky, "When did Kankri say he would get here?" 

As it turns out, Kankri takes a few minutes to show up but he brings the muscle with him. He's shed his sweater and is only wearing a pastel t-shirt that shows what little arm strength he has. It's not very much. He looks a little weedy. But he's followed out of his car ("car" is code for "Mom minivan") by Cronus, who looks pissed and is scowling, and-

"Doctor Maryam?" 

"Mr Prodigy?" The doctor doesn't look surprised, cracking her knuckles in a way that Sollux thinks would upset her younger sister. From his few weeks in this lady's office, he learnt that Miss Maryam's sister was quite the pacifist. Surprisingly, that's the next person to get out of the car, the girl from the photograph that he's only heard about. Kanaya Maryam. She's wearing soft colours against her dark skin, hair tucked away under her red hijab. She's a strange kind of beautiful with her dark make-up and colourful clothes. Sollux's type... She reminds him of Aradia. And alongside her is a girl with blonde hair. She's gotta be Dave's sister. It seems they have quite the party. 

From Karkat to Dave:  
THE RESCUE PARTY IS HERE

Kankri leads the way to the door with the rest of the group following in a morbid kind of silence. It occurs to Sollux that everybody here must have done this before because they all have grim determination plastered on their faces. He hangs back with Cronus, who looks ready to knock someone's front teeth out. 

"Aren't you on a date vwith Dan?" He frowns Eridan's frown. 

"Y-yeah." Sollux's heart is in his throat, choking him, "KK rethcued me. I'm having a bad day." Maybe it's the dark shadows under his eyes or the way that Sollux can't help clawing at the hem of his shirt but Cronus just nods and continues with the group. Kankri knocks on the door. And they wait. All Sollux can hear is his own erratic breathing but Karkat has attached himself to his arm and to Kanaya's, so he has no choice but to stand there with them. 

There's the thump of somebody hurtling down the stairs and the door swings open.

Karkat's dad looks scarily like Karkat and Sollux feels his friend tense up. 

_"What the fuck is this little display here?"_ He doesn't shout, he roars. He proceeds to cuss every single one of them out individually, calling Kankri and Cronus "fucking faggots" and Sollux "a bicoloured, shitty, Chinese assfuckingwonder" (he's literally not even Chinese) to name a few. He really does say assfuckingwonder as one long word and Sollux shrinks back. Mr Vantas is really pissed and it shows, especially when he's disgusting to Kanaya. To her credit, the girl barely flinches. When his father has run out of insults, Kankri steps towards him. Sollux wants to scream at him to come back. 

"We're here to pick up Dave. And Karkat. He won't be living with you any longer." Kankri manages a polite smile. He doesn't manage to duck the blow that hits him square in the face and Karkat is the one that gasps and clings tighter to Sollux. 

"Listen, asshole." Dave's sister speaks up, "We aren't here to see you." She pushes her way inside and walks towards the stairs. As Karkat's dad lumbers after her, (he's got to be drunk to walk like that), she quickens to a run. Sollux can only watch in horror as she's chased up the stairs, the man swearing at her. She stumbles and he catches her ankle. But Kanaya and Porrim are quick to follow; Cronus is too busy trying to blot the blood dripping from both of Kankri's nostrils. 

Karkat is shaking as he leads Sollux forward. 

"Karkat." Kankri waves to get his attention, "Pack your things up." And his younger brother doesn't question him, heading inside with Sollux close behind. 

_"NO! DAVE! NO!"_ Dave's sister is screaming as she's lifted in the air by Mr Vantas. 

Luckily, Dr Maryam is there to kick his ass to hell and back. 

Even Kanaya seems to be throwing a few punches, strange for such a pacifist. 

They pass the fight on the stairs, heading upstairs, and Sollux tries not to wince. Karkat pushes the door to his bedroom open and Sollux enters. It's as broken and empty as the rest of the house, with whitewashed walls and a mattress on the floor for a bed. All his belongings are stacked beside his bed and the laundry is overflowing. The TV is ancient and broken. So is the laptop sitting on the end of the bed. 

The shaking form of Strider is knelt on the rug, looking ready to sob. An obvious bruise is forming on his forehead. Sollux is filled with hatred for Mr Vantas. 

"Get him out of here." Karkat looks teary himself, "I need to get my stuff." 

"Will you be okay?" Sollux asks, since he can hearing yelling from the stairs. 

The youngest Vantas almost barks at him. "Yes! Quick! Go!" 

Which is Sollux's cue to hoist Strider up onto his shoulder with difficulty (he's not strong and Strider's not light) and heaves him out of the room. They skirt down the edge of the stairs, ignoring the yells that follow, but Sollux can't breathe until he collapses onto the grass outside. Even then, he's not sure that he can breathe too well. Cronus has charged to join the girls but Kankri is still outside, sitting on the old porch. And he stands, approaches Dave and Sollux, and apologises. Sollux can't hear his words; it's like static in his ears. 

Before long, there's static in his eyes too and he can only half-see as the others stumble out of the house. And there's a mad dash to crawl into cars and drive, drive as fast as they can, to get away from this place. Karkat, with his belongings tucked under his arms, pulls Dave into the front seat of his car and leaves Sollux to drag himself in the back. They're all panting, breathless. Sollux doesn't hear the apologises or the sobbing or the kisses in the front of the car, he just hears himself yelling at Eridan and blanches. 

"What are we gonna do?" is the question that finally pierces through Sollux's crackling self-hatred. 

"I.... We'll figure somethin' out." Dave says, and Sollux realises that Karkat is crying. 

It's not long later that the car pulls up outside their apartment. 

Sollux and Eridan's apartment. 

The latter is standing on the doorstep waiting and rushes forward to hug Sollux.

"Don't." Sollux croaks. 

Eridan. "Wwhat?" 

Cronus. "Hovw you feelin', Kan?" 

Sollux. "I feel... Fuzzy." 

Kanaya. "You were so brave in there, Rose." 

Eridan. "Fuzzy? Are you sure?" 

Rose. "I thought he was going to hurt you, Yaya. I couldn't standby and let that happen."

Porrim. "Has the bleeding stopped yet, Kanny?" 

Eridan. "Sol?" 

Bleeding. Yes. The words bleed into each other and become white noise. 

"Is everybody alright?" Kankri calls. 

Sollux falls to his hands and knees and pukes on the sidewalk.


	25. [S]: ARADIA'S LETTERS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurloz goes investigating. 
> 
> I guess you could consider this a mini quest or something. 
> 
> It also occurs on the same day as the previous chapter >:) 
> 
> Have a nice day!!

_Dear Terezi,  
I woke up late last night to hear Mom fighting with the guy from work again. Since you're used to hearing that kind of thing, I thought I'd write to you about it. I couldn't tell what they were fighting about but their voices were loud and I couldn't get back to sleep. _

_It's times like these that I consider moving out._

_In the dark hours of the night, I remembered your offer of a bed if I should ever need it. I think that moving into the cafe with you and Latula would be the best thing to ever happen to me (aside from Sollux) but I don't really want to force myself on you. I think I've taken up enough of your time over the years. I think I've fucked up enough for you._

_Do you remember the day that we first met? I do, I remember very well._

_It was way, way back in third grade before you went blind and Tavros had his accident and before I... Before Vriska and I were involved in a dispute that didn't end very well. We were all so small back then but you were the smallest of all. This didn't stop you from insisting that you were a superhero and trying to protect everyone. And I remember on the first day that you'd protected me from Vriska- TH3 BL1ND JUST1C3 herself protected me!- and asked me to play with you._

_"Hey, Megidoooooooo..." Vriska had sneered (and I see the look on her face every time I close my eyes now), "Do all your family sleeeeeeeep in one room? Does your mommy's boyfriend sleep in there with you?" She had cackled. We had been eight years old, I had no idea how she had known of any of this, and her words hurt. I tried to stay strong, sticking my nose up at her, but it was too late. Everybody close-by had heard and now they were staring. I couldn't help the tears forming in my eyes._

_"Awwwwwwww, she's gonna cry!" Vriska had sung, almost gleefully. I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and was going to continue my way to my desk, when you stood up. You had been sat beside her, too busy colouring to take much notice of what was going on. (You always loved to colour, Terezi, and I was so glad of it. When I felt upset, you were always there to calm me down with your pretty crayons- the red one was the best one)_

_"Leave her alone, Vriska." You'd rolled your eyes, "What's so wrong with your family not having much money?" I've never told you this but even though you were trying to help, that comment made my eyes sting, "And with your mom having a boyfriend? My mommy's had plenty of boyfriends. They don't stick around. But you've never made fun of me."_

_"That's because you're my best friend, Pyrope." Vriska said, and you were. The two of you had been thick as thieves back then, in cahoots as Vriska might have said, and I remember that everybody thought it was strange._

_Vriska was a nasty girl with a cold temper, like black ice, and with a tendency to lash out at people she didn't like. You were a smaller, friendlier girl (sometimes too friendly in the case of Karkat, I think you scared him), that was incredibly outspoken. And I think you brought out the good in Vriska. You knew that she wasn't all that bad underneath. It took me years to realise that but you had always known._

_"Yeah, but Aradia doesn't have to take crap from you."_

_This was enough to make Vriska pause and me gasp._

_It was third grade, anybody that knew a swear word was "cool as heck", and you'd just used one on Vriska Serket of all people._

_Next, you addressed me and I swallowed hard._

_"Aradia?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"How would you like to come play with us?" You said, and Vriska had tutted, so you quickly added, "I mean, FLARP with us. Obviously The Blind Justice and The Marquise don't have any room on their team but I'm sure that boring, old Tavros over there could use a teammate. Kicking his butt day after day is kinda getting boring."_

_And from then on, we were friends. And we hung out everyday. And for a while, I was very happy. We played together and I was happy. Then, it all went wrong._

_Vriska crippled Tavros when she pushed him too hard down the stairs._

_She dared you to stare into the sun and blinded you._

_And I broke her arm._

_Everything we had shattered into pieces because I lost my temper with her._

_Sometimes... When I'm angry... I get this red-hot feeling inside of me, burning me up like fire and making me sweat. All I can see is bright white, blinding me, and I have to fight my way back to the real world. All I can feel is rage and that's when fists start swinging. The next thing I knew, I had Vriska pinned to the ground and she was screaming. I started screaming too, when I saw the blood on my hands. And I looked around; you were standing there, demanding to know what was happening, fists clenched. Tavros was quivering, looking at me with the fear that he reserved for bullies on the playground._

_That was when I knew that there was something wrong with me- and I wept long and hard that night about it. Damara held me. My mom was busy with one of her boyfriends._

_Those were the first two significant changes in my life and both of them involved you._

_I know that we drifted apart a little but I was so glad when we became friends again in high school. There very few people that wanted to be seen with me and I know I looked awful; haggard and exhausted, eyes and knuckles red. Rumours had already been spread about me but I pretended not to hear them. Even when a girl with dark hair screamed at me about being a "WHOR-E" in the street. I don't even think she went to our high school. Tears pricked in my eyes but I refused to hear a word of it. No. I couldn't let myself hear._

_On the first day, I saw you in the hallway and you were fumbling with your locker. I offered to help. You declined. And, as sure as eggs are eggs, we became friends again._

_You looked so different on that first day then you did when we were young. I wasn't even sure it was you until I heard your voice. You were taller and your hair was no longer fluffy and wild but neatly tied up. You told me that Latula braided it for you. I said that was pretty cool. You wore t-shirts with superhero logos on. You even had a Black Widow shirt. It was awesome. I hope you still have that shirt._

_We spent lunch together, sat where Vriska wouldn't be able to spot us (though, she inevitably did anyway). After a few weeks of sitting nearby, your friend decided to join us._

_Your friend, Sollux._

_I know you blame me for stealing him from you and I'm sorry._

_But I knew from the moment I saw him that he was The One. Capital T, Capital O; The One. And all it took was one look in those stupid mismatched eyes. I will never forget how you introduced us:_

_"Aradia, this is my nerdy and lemon-smelling friend, Sollux. We play video games together! His brother is dating my sister and has been for forever. It's totally gross. Sollux, this is my friend, Aradia. She broke Vriska Serket's arm in third grade! She smells like strawberries and she's the sweetest person in the world." I'd blushed and looked away, swatting you on the arm and when I looked back, Sollux was grinning at me. That crooked, lopsided grin. God, if you saw it, I swear you'd fall in love with him too._

_I think anybody could fall in love with that stupid, grinning boy in an instant._

_"Hi."_

_"Hey."_

_Fuck, I'm sorry._

_I'm so sorry I stole him from you._

_He was one of your only friends and I... I... I'm so sorry, Terezi. I've let you down._

_My mom was yelling last night about "faith" and "trust"; does your mom ever yell at her boyfriends about this too? I don't suppose you'd ever tell me, even if I asked. But those words made me think of you. I don't think I was very faithful in our friendship. I fucked up a lot. I'm sorry. Are you okay? I hope you'll okay. Don't worry, you'll have Sollux back soon enough. I'm going to give him back to you._

_Make sure you take good care of him._

_With love,  
Aradia_

* * *

 

When he reached the bottom of the letter, Kurloz folded it in half and handed it to the blind girl. She held it tightly in her fist, as if she were afraid that it would disappear at any moment. And her mouth formed a little "o" of surprise or shock or horror- it was hard to read her expression when her eyes were hidden behind those bright red glasses. After a long moment, Terezi dropped the letter on the table. She stood. And she turned around.

"Latula! What day did Mom go into hospital?"

Her sister didn't even flinch. "April 30th."

"Shit. This was written only a few days before." Terezi didn't just sit back down, she positively collapsed into her seat, swallowing hard, "I forgot how close me and Aradia used to be. We were... Like best friends." She picks at a loose thread on her old plaid pants, "Her birthday's coming up."

"Sister?" Kurloz prods gently, knowing that he can't just outright demand answers as much as he wishes that he could, "Does any of this hold any significance to you? Does any of this sound... Off?" He doesn't want to make her cry or anything like that.

"Is this an interrogation, Mr Makara?" Terezi raises an eyebrow.

"Only the best for my favourite girl."

She snorts but it sounds like a sob. Oh god, she might cry. He might crumble if she does.

There's a long pause, neither of them wanting to speak and neither of them knowing what to say. She's obviously trying to swallow a lump in her throat, trying to keep her tears back.

"So... Aradia didn't apologise." Terezi offers finally, "She wasn't rude or anything. But she wouldn't apologise in a letter like this. She'd come to tell me herself. She thought that writing things down instead of speaking them was rather cowardly. Not to mention, when she was in a bad place- and this was written when she was- her hand would shake so bad that she's hardly be able to write. So, how did she manage to write this a few days prior to her death? _Because she knew she was going to die. This is a suicide note._ See how often the word "sorry" appears, Mr Investigator? Is she really apologising about Sollux? Or something else? _And_ -" She gestured dramatically to the paper, "She says that she's going to "give Sollux back to me". Either she was planning to break up with him or she was planning to kill herself." Her expression crumbles, "Oh shit, this is all my fault."

She starts to sob, shaking and gasping, scarcely able to breathe.

Her breaths echoed across the empty room like cries. "Hah! Hah! Hah!"

"TZ?" Latula was at her side at once, ditching whatever game she was playing on her old DS in favour of sweeping her sister up, "What's wrong?"

"It's all my fault!" Terezi wails, falling into her sister's arms, " _It's all my fault!_ "

Looking confused, Latula begins to comfort her.

It's a long time before Terezi is able to string sentences together again and by then, Kurloz has gotten to his feet to make three cups of tea and folded a paper napkin into the shape of a crane. He's mildly disappointed when Terezi slams her fists down on the table and crushes it by mistake. There's a long pause as she clenches and unclenches her fist, thinking. Finally, she speaks:

"Kurloz... Can I take you somewhere?"

He blinks. "Sure thing, sister."

And with Latula's blessing, they set off on foot- because Terezi isn't capable of driving with her eyesight nonexistent and she won't let Kurloz drive because she doesn't trust him. He understands why but he can't help feeling a little disappointed.

"It's nothing personal. Your brother..." Terezi tries to explain but her voice trails off.

Oh, his brother.

He knew all too well of how his younger brother had caught Terezi at the lowest point in her life, when she had been all but friendless because Sollux was far too busy with Aradia to pay her any attention. She had been miserable, she had been depressed, and Gamzee had fallen in love with that. Not in love with her but with her lows. They spent many evenings in Gamzee's room doing god knows what and more than once, Terezi left in tears. Gamzee had treated her badly until the day he'd died. Then, Terezi had been free. But he'd still ruined her life.

It took her a long time to get back on her feet and sometimes, Kurloz swore that he could see her picking at her nails anxiously, like an addict with withdrawal problems. Perhaps that was what she was. An addict.

"I understand." He'd waved away her explanations. After all that Gamzee had done to her, it would make sense for Terezi to distrust Kurloz. The two brothers had must have always sounded very alike to her. They had a similar way of speaking and it was a Makara habit to call everybody either "brother" or "sister". "Friend" would fit somebody that didn't identify as either gender.

And so, they walk together.

Well, he walks.

She dashes ahead, leaping in the puddles that the early April showers left, before rushing back to grab Kurloz by the arm and make sure that he was still there. She balanced along the top of brick walls, leaping on top of Kurloz in order to climb down. Luckily, she was short and he was tall and strong, so he could easily take her weight. Once she discovered this, she forced him to carry her on his back the rest of the way, pointing him in the right direction. He was impressed that the blind girl knew where she was going.

"I recognise the sounds, the smells, the tastes." She answers when he asks.

"Of each individual street?"

"Of course, my trusty steed!" She tugged on his curls, "Turn left!"

Towards the end of journey, he recognised where they were and where they were heading. So, he was hardly surprised, when Terezi climbed down from his back to lead him inside the hospital, gripping him tightly by the wrist. At the desk, the girl behind it nods to her and smiles.

"Good afternoon, Terezi."

"Good afternoon, Kanaya."

Kanaya looked like she wanted to continue the conversation but just then, her phone buzzed and she picked it up. Her eyebrows pulled together in a frown. Terezi just waves goodbye to her and turns to lead Kurloz down the corridor. She knows where she's going, even knowing exactly which button to press in the elevator.

"We have two stops." She informs him, as the elevator doors slide open with a _ding!_ , "This is the first one."

The hospital corridor looks just like any other but somehow feels more ominous. Terezi opens the first door that she comes across and pushes it all the way open, gesturing inside as if to say _do you see, Kurloz?_.

He did see.

He saw a middle-aged woman with dark skin and darker hair that had been neatly braided in tiny cornrows (by Latula, presumably) and a life machine hooked up to her body.

A woman.... Slowly dying.

"This is my Mom." Terezi says, "Hi Mommy. Say hi, Kurly Fries."

He raises a hand in greeting. "Hey, Miss Pyrope."

There's no response; the woman is as quiet and still as a corpse with the exception of her steadily rising and falling chest.

"When my Mom was awake, she had a lot of boyfriends just like Aradia said." Terezi begins, "I was accustomed to seeing a lot of strange men around the house. I think... She was looking for somebody to be happy with. But there was nobody. Sometimes, there's nobody to be happy with. I understand that now."

"Terezi-"

"Shut it, Investigator. I'm telling you a story to write down in your little old notebook. I hope you have a little black notebook. Every good detective does. Anyway, listen up." She took a breath before continuing:

"On the 30th of April, my Mom was involved in a car crash. A... A hit-and-run, per se. Her car was rammed from behind by a swerving car that the cops reckoned was out of control. It didn't even stop, it just kept driving. It left my Mom and her car a wreck on the sidewalk. Now, Detective, it shouldn't take a genius to work out that both Aradia and my Mom died in car crashes on the same day."

"Are you suggesting-"

"And I ain't saying that you should go spreading this around." Terezi says, sharply, "Don't go telling Sollux that he put my Mom in the hospital that day. I can't even know for sure. But an out-of-control car hit my Mom on the exact same day that two bipolars high out of their minds were driving around town."

".... High?"

"They took a lot of drugs. Drunk a lot. Smoked. But you knew that, didn't you? If I recall correctly, Aradia was your client back then. She recommended that Sollux saw you."

"You seem to know an awful lot about the situation."

"I did a little investigating myself when I found out that my Mom was hit by a rogue driver." She licks her lips, "Is it true? That Aradia wanted to kill herself? That she intentionally swerved the car off track?"

"How do you-?"

"Answer the question, Mr Makara."

"Yes. We believe so. But with your information, I'd like to look into this a little further."

"Of course, consider me your partner." She waves to the unconscious woman brightly, "Bye Mom!" And she shut the door gently, in the same way that one would shut the door to a child's room at night. Without giving Kurloz a chance to speak, she looped her arm back through his and guided him back to the elevator. She was warm and close and gripping him tightly. He was grateful for his hoodie because he wasn't sure if he could cope with their skin touching.

And as they were heading up towards the top floor, she continued to speak.

"Here's my synopsis: Aradia had planned ahead of time to commit suicide but she didn't know when. She was drunk, high even, and in a car with Sollux. They were having a good time. Then, they hit my Mom's car. Of course, they were panicking about this. Sollux wanted to stop but she took the wheel from him, kept driving. They drove a little out of town. He was freaking out, muttering that he had murmured someone. She was arguing with them. They had been fighting more and more recently. Aradia still had the wheel and realised this was her chance. Her chance to end her life. So, she crashed the car."

When they reached the top floor, Terezi stepped out of the elevator and Kurloz followed.

"How do you know all this? ... I mean, how did you come up with that synopsis?"

"I've looked into it. I've spoken to everyone I can. I even spoke to Sollux."

"And he told you that?"

"No; he's an unreliable source." She pauses and adds, "When he's awake. He talks in his sleep; have you ever noticed that? He was sleeping at my house, the night that he got home from hospital after Aradia's death. He didn't want to go home and he couldn't bare to speak to his parents. He slept in my room, in my bed." When she sees him raise an eyebrow, she rolls her eyes, "Not like that, you creep. We're friends. Besides, he was upset and needed somebody to comfort him."

"Mhm."

"In his sleep, he kept muttering. And that's when I began to put my ideas together and realised the order of events."

"Wait..." Something clicked into place, "So, he didn't kill Aradia? At all?"

"No."

"So, when he says, 'I killed her'..."

"He's talking about my Mom. Sollux Captor pretty much killed my Mom. Even if he himself doesn't know it. I told you, he's an unreliable source. But subconsciously, he knows. He knows that he killed _somebody_. He assumes it's Aradia. But really, he's still racked with guilt about hitting my Mom's car. In his sleep... In his nightmare... He was trying to convince Aradia to call an ambulance, to go back, anything. But she crashed the car without answering. That was when he started yelling and I woke him up."

They approach a nurse and Terezi nods to her. Everybody in this hospital seems to know her. The nurse leads them through to a room that is recognisable as an office- Kurloz has always detested offices, especially therapist ones like this- and the two of them sit down together, side by side. After a long moment of silence, Terezi speaks.

"Ask Sollux to come visit me, will you? I want to see him again sometime."

"Of course, sister. I'm sure he'd love to see you."

Terezi tries for a smile.

When the door behind them slams open, both of them jump.

A man, tall and exhausted looking, enters the room and sits down opposite them.

Close at his side is a girl with an eyepatch and blue streaks through her messy hair.

She looks equally exhausted.

"Vriska." Terezi says, coolly, "It's been a long time since we last met."

"Cut to the chase. What do you want from me?"

"I thought you could contribute to our investigation."

Terezi hands the letter to the other girl.

Immediately, Vriska Serket recognises the handwriting.

"Is this... One of Aradia's letters? I can't believe you found them." She doesn't look too surprised- if anything, she looks mildly bored to be involved in this- and hands the letter back, I thought she'd burned the last of these. I found them in her room in senior year."

This surprises Kurloz somehow. He knew Aradia well- or he thought he did- and she'd denied having any contact with Vriska Serket after third grade. She'd said that she hated her, that she didn't want to see her again. She said that she'd felt terrible about hurting her. She'd said a lot of things. But she hadn't mentioned that Vriska had been round her house- he knew that she trusted few people to visit her family home, not even Sollux sometimes.

"What were _you_ doing in her room?" Terezi demands, obviously thinking along the same lines, "She _hated_ you."

"We were a thing." Vriska informs her; she cackles at Kurloz's apparently noticeable surprise, "Honestly, Aradia fooled so many people with her good girl act. Behind Sollux's back, she was with me. We spent a lot of time together in and after high school. We never told anyone, of course. She was going to break it off with Sollux the very night that she died. She promised me that she would. I didn't want to share her with him. I didn't want to be the one that had to hide under the bed anymore."

"I told you Sollux was an unreliable source." Terezi turns to Kurloz, "He didn't see these things happening right under his nose." Then, she turns back to Vriska, "Tell us more about these 'letters'. You said there were more?"

"Yes." Vriska nods, "They were like some dumb diary. She wrote one or two a day, normally to people she knew. They were full of such soppy crap, I'll be honest. I laughed when I read that bullshit." Kurloz notices that Terezi tenses and her chubby hands curl into fists, "When she caught me looking at them, she freaked. Burned them all with her lighter, left burn marks on the floor of her bedroom. I guess these ones were missed."

"Aradia wrote these a few days prior to her death." Kurloz informs the girl, "You said the other ones were written in high school, correct? These were written a year or so later. That's why we believe these may be suicide notes."

"I thought she died in an accident?" For the first time in the conversation, Vriska looks thrown.

"That was the public announcement, yes." Kurloz says, "It needed to be covered up... For personal reasons."

"To protect Sollux." Terezi adds, helpfully.

For the first time, the other therapist chips in. "What the fuck are you guys even talking about? And what does Vriska or Sollux have to do with it?"

"Ah... You must be Mr Psiionic." Kurloz squints at him, "You're talked about, you know. Only bad things, I assure you. My name is Kurloz Makara. I'm a therapist. Sollux's therapist, to be precise."

"Ah." Psiionic frowns at him, "You're young for your profession, aren't you?"

"Kurloz is super old. Like thirty or something." Terezi says, sticking her chin out.

"Old, my ass." Psiionic snickers, "And who are you, Little Miss Detective?" His tone is positively dripping with sarcasm and Kurloz wishes the man would butt out of their conversation. It's no business of his.

"I'm Terezi Pyrope! Aspiring lawyer and defender of justice!" She grins, apparently undeterred, "You must be reasonably new around here. Me and Vriska go way back. I visit now and then. We're best friends! _TEAM SCOURGE!_ " Vriska snorted at this, "Now, if you don't mind, we just need a few more questions answered and then we will be out of your lemon-scented hair, Mr Psii."

This seems to amuse him and he gestures for her to go on.

"There's no hope of finding any other letters? The ones Aradia wrote in high school?" Kurloz speaks to Vriska, who shakes her head, "And I don't suppose it's worth asking if you know anything that we should know? Any information about your precious Aradia you'd like to spill, sister?"

There was a long pause.

"She was weird. Sad, underneath it all." Vriska says, finally, sounding vaguely nostalgic, "We didn't get along very well, which was why we dated. It was a relationship founded on strong hate. We had a lot of rough sex."

"And why did she cheat on Sollux?" Terezi asks, pursing her lips, "Do you know?

"She was exhausted. He was a lot of work and she struggled to put up with him. Hey, what do you expect if you put two bipolars in the same room and expect them to get along? They fought a lot."

"More than Sollux remembers." Terezi adds, "His memory is botched in places... But you knew that." She nods to Kurloz, "He used to come to me and ask why she hated him so much. It was very sad. Sometimes, I cried after he left."

"Aradia needed me to ground her. I was her not-Sollux." Vriska shrugs, "Can I go now?" She stands, before turning to them at the door suddenly, "One more thing; Sollux didn't recognise me when he saw me. I'm not saying we were great friends in high school but you think he'd have recognised me at least. I'm not exactly forgettable."

On those words, she departs; and after a goodbye to Psii, Terezi and Kurloz leave too.

"I've learnt a lot today." Kurloz says, tucking the letter back into his pocket, "About Aradia, about Sollux. And to think, I thought I knew them so well."

"Sometimes, tiny details that don't seem relevant are very important." Terezi says, running a hand along the wall as she walked, "That's what we've got to remember, Investigator. That's your code name, by the way. You're the Investigator and I'm the Blind Justice." She grins her shark-tooth grin.

"I don't think we need- oh, whatever."

"Anyway... Where to next?" Terezi inquires, as soon as they step back into the elevator.

"I thought that was obvious." Kurloz says, "By now, I think we owe the Megidos a visit, don't you?"

"Damara will kick your ass, tread carefully."

"I intend to."


	26. ACT THREE: Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am tired. Forgive mistakes.

Sollux retreats to the bedroom shortly after bringing up his lunch on the sidewalk outside, not even saying a word. 

There is too much going on for Eridan to notice that he has vanished straight away, however, because a mini-conference is being held in their tiny kitchen that definitely is not intended to hold this many people. Karkat and Dave- pretending that they are leaning against each other accidentally- are sat on top of the kitchen counter. Kankri has also been sat on top of the counter by Cronus, who is stood beside him and kissing him between snickers. Two girls that have been introduced as Rose and Kanaya are actually sitting on the chairs by the kitchen table. Porrim- otherwise known as Doctor Maryam- is leaning on the counter, scowling at Cronus. Her tattoos are kind of scary looking and she's got an awful lot of metal piercings stuck aggressively through almost every part of her face. 

This leaves Eridan trapped (and terrified of Porrim) in the corner by the oven. 

Currently, Karkat is speaking. "Well, I sure as hell can't go home now. Dad would kill me." 

"Wwe're not lettin' you go home." Eridan says, firmly, "Wwe'll find room for you somewwhere. Right, Kan?" He doesn't know where the hell he's going to keep Karkat- or Dave, who's decided to never leave his boyfriend's side ever again- since they're already short on room. But he's determined to keep him. If not because he's literal Vantas trash; he seriously loves having these neat and tidy guys around, instead of Sollux or Cronus who could lie in their own filth and garbage quite happily. 

"Mhmm." Kankri nods enthusiastically, unable to speak as Cronus swoops in for another kiss. When they got home, the Cancer has still been bleeding rather steadily from his nose and mouth respectively. That was when Eridan had been informed that there had been a situation with Mr "Thcary" Vantas but it was sorted now- except Karkat was kinda homeless. The bleeding had eventually come to a stop but Kankri's face was bruising a horrific purple colour, even against the darkness of his skin. It was shocking to look at. Eridan grimaces. 

"Thanks, hipster." Karkat sneers but looks obviously relieved. 

"Now, now." Dave is stoic as ever, "Play nice, kitten." 

"Kitten!" Feferi laughs. Oh, she's here too. After Eridan had declared himself not in the mood to shop anymore, he'd dragged her home to keep him company until Sol came home. She'd been eating her way steadily through their fridge ever since, occasionally popping up to grin at him. She'd been on hand to press an ice pack to Kankri's face the second he got through the door, which seems to be her favourite method of first aid. Now, she tosses some apple juice to Dave at his request. 

"Thanks, babe." 

_"Thanks, babe."_ Feferi mocks, flipping her hair in a spot-on (if a little exaggerated) impression. 

"Can I live here with you?" Karkat asks his brother, looking at him with pleading eyes, "Even this shithole would be better than home." They're big, brown eyes like a puppy dog's, surprisingly soft for somebody as rough around the edges as Karkat, and Eridan thinks _yes, yes, if I was single and Karkat was single, we'd definitely be dating by now_. 

"Karkat! You can't just call people's homes "shitholes"." Kankri scolds. 

"It's a shithole." Eridan and Cronus agree at the same time. The Cancer sighs. 

"You'd havve to take the couch, Kar. Or the floor or somethin'." Eridan adds, "And it can't be permanent. Wwe can't afford to keep you here permanently. Plus, I'm pretty sure we can't legally house more than twwo people here anywway." 

"Actually..." Kankri manages, pushing Cronus away and muttering something that could have been "later", "I was thinking that this would be a good chance to move somewhere else. If we got.... Say, a larger apartment, we could house Karkat. And Dave too if he wanted." Kankri doesn't seem to think much of Dave, judging by how he sighs his name. 

"I want." Dave says, almost eagerly but all emotion is hidden behind those shades. 

"If we sell my apartment and this apartment and put any extra money towards it, we could afford a much better one." 

"Or I could just move into your apartment?" Karkat suggests but his brother is already firm in his decision and shakes his head. 

"It's the first place that Father would come looking for you." Kankri reminds him, "I wouldn't be surprised if he were there right now, smashing in the door-" He shuddered, obviously reliving some less than pleasant memory, "But that's beside the point; Eridan, may we sell your apartment? I know a good estate agent." 

Eridan licks his lips. "Wwell, the thing is..." It's not his apartment, "It's Sol's apartment, not mine. You're gonna havve to ask him and he's pretty fuckin' stubborn. I don't think he'd be happy to just up and leavve for somewwhere else." And, pushing his way past Feferi, he begins to cross the room, "I'll go and talk to him. You guys wwait out here." He closes the kitchen door behind him and goes to the door across the corridor. He hears conversation resume behind the door quickly. 

He knocks on the bedroom door. "Sol?" 

There's no reply. 

"Sollux? It's me." 

Nothing. He must be sleeping. 

Nonetheless, Eridan pushes the door open to check and finds his boyfriend tucked up in bed, just like he thought he'd be. However, he doesn't seem to be sleeping so Eridan takes a seat on the side of the bed and runs his hand through his boyfriend's hair to rouse him gently. There's a quiet murmur this time at least, something that sounds like it could be a word. And Gemini rolls himself over so that he can look at the Aquarius. 

"'M tired." 

"I knoww. I understand noww." Eridan soothes, "Kan's talkin' about movvin' somewwhere else and wwe wwanted your thoughts." The signs are obvious now that he looks. Sollux looks exhausted, miserable. He can't believe he spent all morning dragging him around the mall, totally oblivious to how his boyfriend felt. God, he's an idiot. 

"Kankri moving? Or all of uth?" Sollux frowns, lifting his head off the pillow and forcing himself to sit up. His hair is sticking out in several directions. It's adorable. 

"All of us." 

Sollux considers this for a moment. "Fine." 

"Wwell, I- really, it's fine?" Eridan was expecting an argument, not an agreement. 

"Fine." Sollux repeats, "Can I go back to thleep now?" 

"One moment." Eridan takes the chance to remove his boyfriend's glasses and put them aside; he kisses him on the forehead before standing, "Sleep wwell, lovve." And he gently brushes a hand over his cheek, feeling the smooth feeling of his skin, like honey. He watches his boyfriend flop back down and pull the covers over his head. Then, he returns to the kitchen where everybody has apparently been waiting for him. All eyes fall on him. 

"Sol said to go for it." He shrugs. Nobody looks as surprised as he feels. 

"Excellent. I'll call a realtor. Meeting adjourned." Kankri says. And everybody disperses. 

It turns out that Karkat, in grabbing his necessities back at his house, had ended up bringing more than enough things with him and had made quite the mess spreading his belongings out on the carpet. Honestly, Eridan didn't know it was possible for somebody to own so many black sweaters. Regardless, he settled himself on the end of the couch and watched Karkat dig through his possessions, watching as he sorted them into piles. Beside him, Dave was picking things up, looking at them, and putting them back down in the wrong place. Karkat was fuming. 

"I fucking hate you sometimes, I really do." 

"No, you don't. You adore me. The sight of my beautiful face sets your heart ablaze." 

"Okay, who the shit uses the word "ablaze"? Seriously? What century are you living in, Dave, and how do I stay right the fuck away from it? And away from you for that matter?"

_Kiss._

Karkat melts like butter, his face flushing. 

Eridan smiles and decides it's time to get moving when Karkat turns to scowl at him, daring him to comment. He decides to rejoin Feferi in the kitchen (she's still rummaging through their fridge). When he approaches, she turns to wave a spoon dipped in butter and sugar at him. He both grimaces and wonders if it tastes good. 

"Why is your refrigerator 95% energy drink?" She complains, settling herself on the kitchen counter with her butter-and-sugar kebab. 

"Don't ask me, that belongs to Sol." 

"Hm." Feferi comments. 

"Wwhat?" 

"He seems low today." 

"Wwell, yeah. He has his moments." 

"You think he knows about Mituna and Kurloz?" She's speaking way too loudly and he tries to shush her but it's too late because half the room has already heard. Both Maryams turn their heads in interest, Rose barely looks up from her knitting (which she has with her for some reason), and Kankri freezes abruptly, looking like he's been smacked in the face by a snowball. 

There's a long pause where nobody says anything. 

That's when Kankri decides to intervene. "Mituna and Kurloz?" The room is all but silent aside from Karkat and Dave still playing tonsil tennis in the other half of the room. Kankri's mouth is hanging open in a perfect "o" shape and the only sound is a metallic clanking as his cellphone hits the floor. His hand is limp in midair, like he forgot about holding it. _"Mituna and Kurloz?"_

"Oh, honey." Porrim pats him on the arm, "Don't get upset now." Somehow, the scary woman with the piercings and the tattoos is motherly and speaks sweetly to him. It doesn't seem to help in anyway because Kankri is just getting started. 

_"But Mituna is meant to be with Latula!"_ Steadily, his voice is rising. 

"Kanny-" Porrim receives an elbow to the waist (she's a tall woman and Kankri is a midget) and she looks personally offended by this. 

"Strange." Dave's sister, the blonde girl, Rose observes, "It seems that your own failure in relationships causes you to experience shock at your friend being disloyal to their partner. Were you and Mituna-" 

"Kankri used to like Latula." Porrim puts in helpfully, "That's probably why he feels so protective of her. And why he doesn't like the idea of her being hurt by Mituna's actions?" 

"Intriguing." Kanaya comments. 

_"Oh!"_ Kankri's ears have turned red, "How dare you psychoanalyse me? You, Miss Lalonde, should check your privileges. And Porrim, I will have you know that while I may feel a little protective of Latula, it has absolutely nothing to do with liking her. My feelings towards her have always been purely platonic! I keep telling you that!" But he turns to Feferi regardless, "Is Mituna cheating on her?" 

"Kan-" 

"Shut up, Cronus. Miss Peixes, answer the question." 

"If this "Latula" is Mituna's girlfriend, then yes. We saw him at the mall and he was all over Kurloz." The pink haired girl seems frightened by the damage that she's caused. 

"I wwouldn't say _all ovver_..." Eridan attempts to make peace. 

Watching Kankri blow his top is like watching a kettle boil over. He turns from red to purple before paling with rage. 

And he's storming out the door, yelling furiously about _I knew he was seeing somebody but I never expected-_ and _cheating, disloyal scumbag_. The door slams shut behind him and Eridan pulls the curtain aside so he can watch the angry man stamp down the driveway and climb into his car, driving off. As soon as he turns the corner, Eridan drops the curtain. 

"He was our ride." Rose says finally. 

"I can drive you home later." Karkat says from his spot on the carpet; he's hitting Dave over the head with an identical black sweater as he speaks, "Eridan, which room can you put us up in semi-permanently?" He seems unbothered by his brother's anger, which he's clearly seen before. 

"Uh... Wwell, Kan and Cro havve got the spare room. And there's no room in our room unless you want the floor. So, I guess the bathroom or in here?" Eridan shrugs, gesturing to the kitchen-living room (it's open-plan) with his left hand, "Your choice?" 

It's quickly decided that, for a short time at least, a corner of the living room will do just fine. And there's no way that Dave or Karkat is going to sleep on the floor or even the couch so they head out to source a mattress. Not to buy a mattress, "source" a mattress. Eridan doesn't want to think about what legal trouble they're getting into, so he just leaves them to it and contends himself with playing host for the ladies (Cronus heads out to look for Kankri, who has seemingly vanished, leaving Eridan alone with two Maryams, Rose, and Feferi). Before long, talk turns to weddings and he's surprised to find out that Kanaya and Rose are also engaged. 

"My mother will never approve of her, of course." Kanaya says, "I know that she is unhappy with Rose. But grandmama seems to like her perfectly well, so we shall marry with her permission instead." She pats her fiancée on the hand as she speaks and there's a silver band on matching ring fingers. 

"Daddy doesn't approvve of Sol either." Eridan relates, "He thinks he's common." 

Porrim snorts. "Oh, I do detest the Amporas and their pretentious ways. Present company excluded." But still, she doesn't seem to smile at Eridan except out of politeness. That's until he brings out the big guns, his beautiful wedding plans in their purple binder, and suddenly Porrim is practically on his lap to look. All the girls draw closer, in fact, ooh-ing and ahh-ing at everything. 

"Will you be matching the flowers with napkins?" Kanaya inquires. 

"And which vows will you be using?" Porrim wants to know. 

"Can I be chief bridesmaid?" Feferi beams, "Wait, will there be bridesmaids?" 

"Who's wearing the dress?" Rose teases.

"ED ith." Sollux makes a reappearance in the doorway, looking bleary and miserable, "And he'th gonna look damn good in it, aren't you, _honey_?"

"You're so swweet." Eridan puts a hand to his heart, "Absolutely precious, Sollux." 

"I try." Sollux rescues an energy drink from the fridge and retreats to the bedroom. 

"Remember to eat somethin' later." Eridan calls after him as the door shuts. It doesn't slam, it simply shuts, which is most likely a good sign. But he will have to make sure that Sollux eats soon, since he ate barely anything at lunch, and anything that was in his stomach was thrown up outside. Eridan just hopes he won't be sick again. 

Rose makes a sound that can only be described as a smug _uh-huh_. 

"Wwhat?" 

"It seems your boyfriend has bipolar disorder and problems with long-term memory." 

"You a therapist or somethin'?" 

"Let's just say that I could give Mr Kankri Vantas a run for his money." If she was wearing glasses, Eridan had a sneaking suspicion that Rose would be adjusting them right then. Her face was a kind of impenetrable smugness but it wasn't unlikable. She looked exactly like the kind of girl that Eridan would like if he liked girls. 

"As fascinating as this is, I should be going." Feferi stands suddenly, obnoxiously pink phone in her hand, "Damara is on her way to pick me up. Would you girls like a lift home?" 

"Please." Kanaya helps Rose up, even though the girl is clearly capable of getting up herself. Their relationship seems to consist entirely of gentle movements and brief touches and kind smiles. It's not what Eridan thinks of when he thinks of lesbians. Well, that just proves that stereotypes are fucking stupid. 

"You two go on, I'd prefer to walk." Porrim waves them away. And, as soon as the door has been quietly shut by Kanaya, the older Maryam has got Eridan by the throat. Literally, she grabs him by the front of his shirt and pulls him in close to inspect him. 

_"Uhhhh."_

"You look like an Ampora." She says. 

"Thanks?" Then, he remembers that what she said earlier and frowns, "Shut up." 

"Don't screw things up with Sollux, Ampora." Porrim advises, "What with the Aradia drama, the Karkat drama, the Mituna and Kurloz drama, and the Damara drama, I've got far too much on my plate without the two of you getting into trouble too." 

"Howw'd you knoww about Aradia? Wwait, howw'd you knoww about any of those things?" 

"Honey, I know a lot of people." She uses the word 'honey' in an incredibly demeaning way, like she's addressing a child; it's very different compared to how she addressed Kankri earlier, "Don't screw up with Sollux. He might be a smug asshole most of the time but I've taken quite the liking to him." Finally, she lets go of Eridan's shirt, "Let's just hope that these other crises sort themselves out, hm? I have to get going. I suggest you check up on your boyfriend." With that, she turns and sweeps- sweeps!- out. He's left standing in his living room for a long time, wondering what the Damara drama is. Eventually, he shrugs it off and heads to the bedroom. 

His boyfriend is still curled up on the bed, on his laptop, but all the lights have been flicked off and the curtains are drawn. Sollux seems to be on some sort of forum. 

"Hey." Eridan says. 

His boyfriend grunts and he takes that as an invitation to climb onto the bed and lie down beside him, wrapping his arms around him and pressing his face into his shoulder. Sollux smells fresh still and he doesn't seem too faraway, yet he's still low. It's different somehow from usual and Eridan wonders if this is what 'coping' looks like. He doesn't want to ask. 

"Howw are you?" 

Grunt. 

"Use your wwords, Sol."

"Fuck off." Sollux says but he chuckles and glances at him, "I'm fine. Really. Jutht a little conflicted about what happened today." 

"Wwith Karkat's dad?" 

"Well, yeah, that wath pretty thcary. But more importantly, I feel bad for abandoning you at the thhuthhi place. That wath pretty thhitty of me." 

"Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, that wwas a shitty thin' to do." 

"I jutht wanted you to think that I wath coping okay." Sollux sighs. 

"Bee, you don't havve to provve anythin' to me. I knoww it's hard. But you're doin' good." 

"I'm thorry." 

"You're forgivven." Eridan closes the laptop and rolls his boyfriend over so that he can lay on top of him. And he slowly presses his lips against his, leaving a long kiss there. Sollux is incredibly warm and his skin is soft. It always reminds Eridan ever-so-slightly of honey. He brushes a hand over his cheek, smiling at him, as he pulls back. Sollux manages to smile back. 

"Hey." Eridan says, "Wwe got the place to ourselvves." 

"I'm not really in the mood for... You know. I'm not down to fuck." Sollux is blunt as always. 

"No... I mean, wwe can finally play some Call Of Duty in peace." 

"Fuck yeah." Sollux actually grins. 

Dave and Karkat return just in time to see Eridan get his ass kicked badly for the seventh time in the row. It turns out that he's not as good at this game as he thought he would be. For somebody that knows so much about war and guns, he's actually pretty shitty at it. It doesn't help that Sollux is some kind of expert and has taken the game apart pretty much, making it a million times harder. Eridan keeps telling him that hacking video games is stupid but his boyfriend just says that's because he can't do it. 

"If you could hack like I could, you'd cheat on everything." Sollux smirks. It's a fair comment. 

"You're both fucking cheaters." Karkat is huffing and puffing, pulling the mattress that is bigger than him down the corridor. There's no sign or sound of Dave but presumably, he's bringing up the rear. The mattress gets stuck and Eridan has to pause the game to help. He's not much help admittedly but he's more help from Sollux, who immediately makes himself director and stands on the couch to "advise them". It's just an excuse not to lift anything, Eridan thinks, and he rolls his eyes. Not that Sollux's twiggy arms would be much help because this mattress is ridiculously heavy. 

It's only when Cronus turns up an hour later that things really get moving, though Kankri also declares that he's not capable of lifting anything and he doesn't want to. Karkat scoffs but nobody says anything because Kankri's voice is sniffly and his eyes are red-rimmed. He's been through a lot for one day, Eridan knows that, and he doesn't badger him to help. The older Ampora is the final push they need to get the mattress into the living room and they manoeuvre it around the coffee table, pushing it up against the wall. The couch has to be moved a little more to the left but it just about fits. 

"This is great." It's hard to tell if Dave is sarcastic or not as he plops himself down on the mattress. He's sweating but removes neither his sunglasses nor his jacket. Both stay firmly on. Karkat has stripped off his sweater and is standing in just a vest, out of breath. Cronus is annoyingly fit and hasn't even broken a sweat. Eridan flips him off as he unravels his scarf and tugs his own sweater off. 

"Look at thothe thexy pathty armth." Sollux elbows him with a half-hearted grin. He looks exhausted and he didn't even lift a finger. 

"Kranki, can we get some blankets over here?" Karkat asks his brother, sitting cross-legged on the mattress beside his boyfriend. 

"I remember why I moved out." Kankri quips in amusement, "So demanding." But he meets Karkat's eyes and in some sort of silent exchange, his smile falls from his face. And he goes to get the blankets, sniffling again. 

"Hey, where'd you find KK?" Sollux inquires, digging Cronus in the ribs. 

"He vwas round your place." Cronus says, "Apparently, he vwent to Kurloz's but the guy vwasn't in. He found him 'round Megidos' place and threvw a completely vwobbly in front of a confused audience. Vwhen he finished, he headed owver to yell at Mituna. Guy vwas in tears. You should call, chief, he looked pretty torn up." 

Sollux seems to pale. "Right. Thure. Doeth LT know anything yet?" 

"No idea." Cronus shrugs. 

Consciously, Sollux draws out his phone and scrolls through presumably his contacts until he finds the correct one. He presses call and puts the phone to his ear, leaning against the wall as he waited. Kankri, looking a little brighter now, returns with the obnoxious striped yellow and green sheets that Eridan can vividly remember telling his boyfriend to burn because they were so awful. He glances at Sollux, who waggles his eyebrows, and sighs. Goddamnit. 

Between them, Kankri and Karkat get to work putting the sheets on the bed. Sollux watches them carefully, frowning, until somebody finally picks up on him and he turns away to talk. He sounds like he's comforting someone and that's when Eridan realises that Latula must know that her boyfriend cheated on her. He thinks of the bright, bubbly girl with the dark braids and the Batman shirts and how she'd been so cool with him instantly and feels bad. Girls like that don't deserve to be hurt like this. No girls deserve to be hurt like this. 

"Can I thpeak to Terezi? Oh, thhe'th not in? Weird. Okay, thankth Latula. I'm tho thorry about all thith. Bye." By the time he hangs up, the mattress has sheets on it and Karkat had collapsed into it. 

Sollux is quiet for the rest of the evening and after a long day, everybody opts to go to bed as soon as the clock strikes eleven. Well, everybody says they're going to go to bed. But when Eridan sneaks out to go to the bathroom later, he catches sight of the kitchen light on. And he hears the muffled sound of Karkat's rough voice and Kankri's gentler one. And he hears the sound of Kankri sobbing gently. 

When he collapses back into bed, he thanks god that his father never hit him and that his life has been pretty easy in comparison to his friends' and wraps his arms tightly around Sollux, glad to have him there. 

And his boyfriend, despite it all, still manages to run a hand through his hair and wake up enough to process the situation. Sollux shifts over to face him, blinking at him tiredly. His face looks so empty without his glasses, Eridan notes for the first time, and his blue eye is so incredibly bright like electricity. These things are strange and almost ugly but he decides that he likes them. He's certain he likes the hand pushing through his hair, playing with it, and that he likes being pulled in close so that he can smell the cotton of Sollux's shirt. 

Sollux shushes him gently. ".... I've got you... Thleep..." 

And he does.


	27. ACT THREE: Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's an interlude with Cronkri halfway through. Don't ask why, it's just a thing that happened. Reviews would be appreciated because I feel like this needs improving but I don't know where.

The sight of Dave and Karkat plastered over each other on their mattress has definitely been burned into Sollux's brain permanently. They're making out like a pair of high schoolers under the bleachers and he's pretty sure that Dave isn't wearing any pants under that blanket. It's not something that he needed to see early in the morning, so he shudders and tries to forget, deciding that he'll go out and buy breakfast instead. There is no way he's walking past those idiots and risking being called a voyeur just because he wanted some breakfast. He shuts the door quietly and continues down the corridor to the front door.

"That wath fucking grothth..." He mutters to himself, finding his sneakers and pulling them on. They're the coolest fucking things because the heels light up when he walks. These are the kinds of shoes he's always dreamt of owning. They are the best shoes. He pulls his jacket on and checks for his wallet before opening the door. That's when a hand touches his shoulder.

_"Fuck-"_

"It's me." It's Kankri fucking Vantas, "May I come with you?" When he turns to look at him, Sollux is reminded of how badly bruised Kankri's face is and he winces. He looks tired and miserable and Sollux understands, so he takes pity on him and he nods. "Thank you." Kankri doesn't take his time pulling a red sweater on and soon enough, they're off. It's strange but Kankri almost seems in a rush to leave?

In the reasonably early hours of the morning, there's nobody around to see them and it's quiet as they walk. Sollux can hear the sound of his footsteps against the sidewalk and something about it puts his mind at ease. He's getting somewhere... He's getting somewhere... Is this what coping feels like? He supposes it does. Still, aside from the footsteps and the birds in the distance, it is silent and somehow, that feels awkward. He's got to say something.

Sollux licks his lips. "Yethterday wath hard on you, huh?"

"I didn't think that I'd ever be forced to see my father again." Kankri sighs, his gaze focusing on someplace far away from here, "I thought that chapter of my life had been closed." He crosses his arms across his chest and he shivers, perhaps not just from the cold, "And I feel terrible for abandoning Karkat there all those years ago. Don't tell him that I told you but he's been having a hard time of it at home. He was showing me the bruises last night."

"Why did you leave him behind in the firtht place? Why didn't you jutht take him with you?"

"Lux... When I left home, I was barely seventeen. Karkat was only fourteen. I didn't have anywhere to go, I didn't have any money to support us. I couldn't have taken him with me. It wasn't safe."

"Thafer than living with your dad though, right?"

"I.... I..." Suddenly, Kankri looks on the verge of tears again and for the first time, it occurs to Sollux why he looks so strange. Kankri Vantas- the strong, intellectual, obnoxious Kankri Vantas- has broken. He's in pieces. "I was scared. I couldn't... I just needed to get out of there, I didn't have time to think about it. I feel terrible about it, okay?" Alarmingly, Kankri grabs Sollux by the arms and looks him right in the eye, "I'm sorry! _I'm sorry, Karkat!_!" There's something frantic in those dark eyes that's kind of scary.

The hand holding Sollux is so tight that his knuckles are turning white.

_"Jethuth fucking Chritht!"_ Sollux breaks free of his grip and Kankri stumbles back, reduced to a shaking, sobbing mess. This is his fault, he has done this, he has hurt Kankri. And he feels awful. He feels bad because Sollux always seems to hurt everyone.

"Lux..."

"I hate it when you call me that." Sollux says, "That'th what my dad callth me. Well, one of them anyway."

Kankri chuckles and shakes like he's charged with electricity. "Sorry."

"Thorry I made you flip your thhit." That's when Sollux spots the coffee shop in the distance, "C'mon, let'th get you thomething to eat. Eating ith important."

"I think Eridan has a very good influence on you." Kankri manages a small smile and he sniffles. Together, they enter the coffee shop and Sollux orders for both of them at the counter. One glance at Kankri tells him that's a man that likes his vanilla lattes with soy milk. And he purchases chocolate muffins because who doesn't like chocolate muffins? Everybody likes chocolate muffins. And they retire to the corner of the coffee shop, taking the table there, and Kankri sighs unhappily as he collapses into his seat.

"I'm thorry that I made you talk about it." Sollux says, finally.

"Honestly, it's fine. I think... I needed to tell somebody." Kankri rolls his eyes, "God, I'm such a wreck right now." And he runs a hand through his unusually ruffled hair, letting out another soft sigh, "I think I really fucked up with Mituna yesterday. He was crying. I guess I owe you an apology for that too." It's strange to see Kankri like this, "Porrim's right, I am overprotective of Latula. Yet, I'm not protective enough of Karkat."

"I think KK would really appreciate thome protection right now." Sollux agrees, "Maybe you thhould try and reach out to him. I know he'th prickly but underneath, he'th really thenthitive. I think yethterday affected him a lot more than he let on. He needth you right now." He wants to demand that he knows what happened with Mituna but he knows now that he's got to tread carefully. He'll just have to make sure that he visits his brother later.

"I think you're a lot smarter than you admit to being." Kankri says.

"Nah, I admit to being a geniuth."

The Cancer snickers.

When their orders finally get called out, Sollux stands up and takes them from the counter. When he returns to the table, Kankri is on his phone and he doesn't even want to know, pushing the latte over to him without a word.

"Thanks." There's a pause before Kankri puts his phone down and starts to disassemble his muffin with a fork, "I was just messaging Karkat. You're right, I think he needs our support right now. When I left home, I was very conflicted over it. And he's dealt with dad a lot longer than I did."

"Mhm." Sollux sips his coffee.

"I should visit Latula later too. She'll need somebody there."

"Mhm."

"Do you think Mituna-"

"KK." Sollux cuts him off, "You don't have to take care of everybody all the time. Thtop pretending to be everyone'th Mom. Jutht take five minuteth to breathe, okay? You're doing good. You're a good perthon." Apparently, this is the wrong thing to say because Kankri's face crumples, "Thhit, don't cry or anything. Let'th... Jutht take a few minuteth to ourthelveth. You want to go to the park?" Sollux finishes his muffin in about five bites and Eridan was right, he did need to eat more often. He hadn't even realised how hungry he was.

"The... Park?" Kankri blinks and a tear drops down his cheek, "Why on earth would we go there?"

"To have fun." Sollux picks up his coffee and stands, gesturing for Kankri to follow. Then, he heads outside and crosses the street to the same park that him and Eridan like to visit. As always, it's dismal and deserted. Quickly, he makes a beeline for the swings and takes the one on the left. Still looking confused, Kankri sets his coffee down on the ground and sits on the other swing. And gently, he pushes himself enough to get a rhythm going.

For a long time, the pair of them swing in opposite directions in silence.

Until Kankri speaks as he swings past. "I just feel like a bad person a lot of the time."

Sollux has to wait until they pass again. "I know what you mean."

There's a _whoosh_ in his ears as he swings. "Sometimes, I just feel like this is all too much." And they swing past again, "I feel really bad about a lot of things." _Swing_. "Cronus says I should see a therapist. But I am a therapist."

"Maybe you thhould thpeak to Feferi." Sollux advises, "Thhe'th no therapitht but thhe'th a qualified nurthe, right? Mental illnethth ith thtill, y'know, an illnethth. Pluth, thhe workth in a drugthtore. I bet thhe knowth lotth of thtuff."

"Maybe you're right." Kankri's swing scrapes to a stop and he jumps off, "Hey, can I ask you something else?"

"Go ahead." Sollux puts his feet down and drags his swing to a stop too.

"How do you tell somebody that you love them without looking like an idiot?" Kankri shifts from foot to foot and looks away, rubbing at his chin nervously.

"I don't think there'th any way to tell thomebody that you love them without looking like an idiot. That'th the point of being in love, I guethth. Being an idiot." Sollux shrugs and stands, "But if thomebody really loveth you, I guethth they won't mind that you're an idiot. I think my idiot ith very cute." And he thinks of Eridan and he smiles.

"And do you think... Cronus would find me cute?" Kankri looks at him hopefully.

"Definitely."

When they return home, Eridan is awake and frantic like a mother who's found her children were missing. And he pulls them both into a tight hug, kissing them both on the forehead in turn. Kanrki looks disgusted by this and when he finally wriggles free, he wipes his forehead on the back of his hand. Sollux isn't allowed to wriggle free.

"I keep tellin' you to leavve notes wwhen you go out." Eridan mutters, his arms still tight around Sollux, "You dumbass."

"Hey, we jutht went to get coffee." Sollux rolls his eyes, pecking him on the nose. Eridan has the cutest freckles on his nose and they deserve to be kissed, every single one of them. He used to try to cover them up but Sollux won't let him anymore because they are precious.

"And you didn't think to get me any? Rude." Eridan pokes him in the ribs, "You're lucky I love you, Sollux Captor, otherwwise I'd be pissed." And finally, he releases him and Sollux eyes Kankri as if to say _see? Love is dumb_. Kankri shrugs at him, grinning a little, and trudges back to his room to wake Cronus.

"Tho, what'th the plan for today?" Though, Sollux takes one look in those pretty blue eyes and knows if there were any plans, they're being cancelled in favour of makeouts.

* * *

Kankri is gentle when he pushes the bedroom door open because he feels like waking Cronus up too quickly will make him grouchy. So, he's gentle as he enters the room and closes the door behind him. The room smells faintly of cigarettes and strongly of incense. Speaking of which, he steals Cronus's lighter and sets some candles that he recently purchased (cinnamon flavour, they're delightful) to burn. And he replaces the lighter.

See, he knows logically that he could just hide the lighter to stop Cronus from smoking but he knows that would destroy the trust they have for each other. So, he doesn't hide it. He leaves it in plain view, almost daring Cronus to use it. He's been clean for a long time now and it's wonderful. Kankri can kiss him without tasting any alcohol on his breath. The smell of alcohol and burning cigarettes just reminds him of life back home.

"Cronus..." He kneels down on top of the mattress, one leg either side of Cronus just how he likes it. And he leans down and begins to leave soft kisses over his boyfriend's face, muttering to him. In return, Cronus grunts and a pair of strong arms slide around his torso, holding him there. The Aquarius is very strong but it doesn't scare Kankri at all, much to his surprise. Quite the opposite, it makes him feel protected.

"Mornin', babe."

_"Cro~nus!"_ He whines in annoyance, "Don't call me that."

"Sorry, sorry, I mean Kan." He sits up and pulls Kankri onto his lap properly, holding him there. His hair looks good in the morning before he's styled it with all that awful grease and he's smiling at him. And not for the first time, Kankri thinks how lucky he is that he finally found somebody that could love him. In the past, there had been crushes or dates but nobody ever seemed to like him when they found out how "frigid" he was. Nobody wanted a whiny virgin. And it had hurt, it had hurt an awful lot actually, to be rejected by people like that.

"How did you sleep?"

Honestly, Kankri never thought that he'd have a boyfriend, let alone one like Cronus Ampora. Growing up, he'd been subjected to his bible-thumping father, who would quote verses at him whilst he... Kankri couldn't bear to think of it. And to think, he'd ended up not only being queer (pansexual, actually, but so few people recognised the term that he didn't bother using it) but he'd ended up with a man that reminded him strangely of his father.

"Great. You?"

"Not so well."

Cronus smelt like Kankri's father, like cigarettes and drinks and grease. He was the same foreboding height, towering over Kankri in a way that was almost intimidating. He spoke in the same slurring way for the first few months. But Cronus wasn't the same man, he'd learnt that quickly. Cronus was much gentler, much more understanding than he liked to let on. He liked to keep up an image but underneath, Cronus was soft. And really into science. And Harry Potter. And musicals, especially Grease. He was kind of adorable, actually.

And Kankri had learnt that his boyfriend had his own struggles that weren't too different from his own.

Cronus also felt like a failure a lot of the time. He'd been brought up being told that he was worthless and that mentality remained deep within him, poking at him. That was why he smoked, why he drank, so that he could deal. That was why he pretended to be somebody that he wasn't most of time. Kankri couldn't say that he approved of these coping mechanisms but he could understand why he did it.

"The insomnia again?"

"Yes. I apologise for leaving you to sleep alone."

At first, Kankri had been frightened of him. When he'd first met Cronus, when they'd been introduced by Eridan, he'd all but cowered at the other man. And when Cronus started flirting, he felt nervous about it but soon enough, he found himself smiling. His boyfriend was bad enough at flirting for it to be kind of funny. Kankri had told him so and he'd seemed disappointed. And there had been weeks of going back and forth, arguing, bickering, all of it good natured.

Then, they'd been bickering, which had lead to elbowing, and next thing Kankri had known, a pair of lips were pressed up against his. It was his first kiss and he didn't like it too much, lecturing Cronus immediately afterwards on not planting one on someone without warning them, but these things are normally better the second time around. Kankri had initiated it the second time around, settling on Cronus's lap to kiss him properly like they did in his romance novels. He wanted it to be perfect liked he'd always planned his first (well, second) kiss to be. And he was glad because Cronus didn't push him to do anything more than that.

"It's fine, Kan. Come here." Cronus lifts the blankets up and lets Kankri crawl underneath with him. And he wraps his arms around him. "Vwhat's vwrong, 'ey? You look dovwn." God, Cronus is beautiful. He's beautiful in a way that Kankri thought he hated. He's strong and tall and looks kind of like a bodyguard when he's decked out in leather. And he's got dyed black hair that falls in curls whenever it isn't greased back and his eyes are this sharp blue but they're soft like the ocean and- Kankri can't help but smile at him despite feeling like he's being eaten from the inside-out by misery at the moment.

"Oh... Well, I was just talking some things through with Sollux."

When he had lost his virginity, Kankri again had been the one to initiate it. They'd been sat on the couch, close together, and he'd leaned up to kiss him. And he'd ran his hands carefully down Cronus's sides, feeling the scars there and wondering where they were from. Cronus had a lot of scars. And he'd told him that he was ready and Cronus had let him undress him with shaking hands. And, kissing him eagerly, Cronus had been very gentle with him the first time. Again, the second time minutes later had been much more enjoyable than the first.

"Did that asshole upset you?" Cronus doesn't think too much of Sollux.

"No, he actually helped me a lot."

"Mhm."

"Cronus." Kankri turns over so that he could face him, the two of them lying wrapped around each other by now, (a closeness Kankri used to hate but has grown to love), "I need to tell you something. And I've never said it before, so I need you to listen, because this is very important to me. Okay?"

"Hit me vwith it, kitten."

"Cronus." Kankri takes a deep breath, "I love you." And Cronus actually grinned at him properly and pulled him in for a long kiss, kissing him until he could scarcely breathe anymore. When he opened his eyes, Cronus was still grinning at him. And his boyfriend didn't even taste a little bit like cigarettes.

"I lowve you too." 

"You're gorgeous."

* * *

 After lunch, it's time for a trip to the Captor house.

Cronus drives them because Kankri doesn't think that he's exactly welcome there. Dave and Karkat are mysteriously absent but Sollux supposes that they're making out somewhere like a pair of dumb teenagers. His poor eyes don't need to be subjected to the sight of Dave with his tongue down Karkat's throat ever again, so he decides that he won't send a search party out looking for them or anything. He's beginning to feel tired. Why does this day feel so long?

"You tvwo kids hawve fun." Cronus says, when he parks up outside, like he's dropping his kids off at the prom.

"Yessir." Eridan rolls his eyes and slams the door shut behind them. Annoyingly, Cronus honks the horn at them whilst he's driving away and Eridan flushes a bright shade of red under his freckles. Sollux isn't shy about kissing him there and then, pushing him up against the garden fence. Eridan moans against his mouth and he shushes him.

"Wwhat if your dads see us?" Eridan mumbles against his lips.

"They won't." That's when the front door swings open.

"Dad!! Tholluxth ith making out with hith boyfriend in the front yard!" Mituna yells from the doorway, racing off to find their parents inside the house, "DAD!" His loud voice carries so well that the entire street can probably hear him.

Sollux sighs. "Buthted."

"I lovve your family." Eridan chuckles.

"Fuck you." Sollux steps back and takes him by the hand, squeezing it tightly, worrying that his words came across as a little colder than he originally intended them to. He leads his boyfriend into the house, mumbling apologies about the mess, entirely forgetting that he's seen it all before. Mituna makes a return, pausing to throw his arms around Sollux and swing him around, squealing in delight. When Sollux isn't around, apparently, Mituna misses him a lot. He receives a very sloppy kiss on the cheek before Mituna releases him. His older brother spits at Eridan and giggles, before racing off again. The sock-slippery-floor combo is definitely going to cause an accident before the day is through.

"Dad! Dad! I'm home!" Sollux yells.

"Garden!" Dad One yells at him.

"Do your dads evven havve names?" Eridan whispers, "Do they make evverybody call them dad?"

"Yeth, pretty much. They do have nameth though, they're not thit-com characterth." Sollux snorts and opens the back door for Eridan, who looks completely flawed at the sight of their backyard. Considering this man grew up in a mansion, Sollux is pleasantly surprised by this.

"This is awwesome!" Eridan declares.

Their backyard is awesome, he guesses, but it's not exactly beautiful. They've got some pretty decent flower beds going on and they've got a rickety climbing frame that has proven to be a hazard over the years. The amount of times Mituna has fallen off is incredible. Heck, the amount of times that Sollux has fallen off is impressive too. Even his dads have fallen off once or twice. Climbing frames are dangerous things. But the best thing is that they get to keep bees in the same funny white boxes seen in Bee Movie. The bees will be waking up soon for summer. Sollux's favourite part of the year is when the bees wake up.

"Hi Dad." Sollux approaches Dad One who is knelt by the flowerbeds, planting bulbs, "I think you're planting them upthide down." And he receives a brief hug and is handed a trowel.

"Turn them the right way up then, smarty pants." His dad teases, elbowing him. But sure enough, he leaves Sollux to sort that and stands to great Eridan. "Isn't the weather great for early April, Eridan?" It is pretty bright and sunny, warm enough that Sollux barely needs his jacket.

"Yessir." Eridan agrees, "Good afternoon, Mr Captor."

"Did you tell Eridan to call you Dad?" Sollux asks before his dad can reply, looking up at him.

Looking guilty, Dad One shrugs. "Well... Yeah. He's the son I never had."

"I am your thon!" Sollux scowls, knowing he's being wound up intentionally.

"I know, I know. Lighten up, Lux." His dad ruffles his hair, "Keep planting." Sollux returns to digging up the bulbs that have all been planted upside down and flipping them up the other way, "Anyway, Eridan, you can call me Paul if you'd prefer."

"Okay." Eridan nods, "Paul it is."

"You've got to visit more often, Eridan. We miss your cooking." Sollux glances up to see his fiancé being strangled in a hug, "I think Mituna misses you too but it's hard to tell with him."

"I don't mithth him, he'ththth a nerd!" Mituna seems to tire of running around and collapses beside Sollux. Actually, he more collapses on top of him and rests his head on his shoulder. "I miththed Tholluxth." It's obviously been deemed summer by his parents because Mituna has been dressed in shorts and a striped shirt. "I mithth you when you're not here to play with me. Latula ithn't coming to play anymore tho I'm lonely."

"Doethn't Kurlozth play with you?"

"Nope. He thaid he can't come anymore." Mituna sounds miserable, "There'th nobody to play with."

"That thuckth." Sollux ruffles his mop of dark hair, "Wanna do thome digging?" He hands Mituna the trowel and he perks up quickly, rushing off to dig up the garden no doubt.

"When he destroys my garden, it's your fault." Dad One smacks him lightly over the head, "Did you boys eat yet?"

"Dad, you can't cook." Still, he gets up and trails after his dad, following him inside. Eridan is in tow and they settle around the kitchen table, sitting where they can watch Mituna digging up the petunias. Eridan's hand comes to rest on top of Sollux's, playing with his ring gently as if to bring attention to it. That's when Sollux's other dad turns up.

"Is that a ring, Sol?" Dad Two peers at it, "Honey, he's got a ring. It's real cute. Y'know, Sollux, reminds me of one your father got me-"

"Oh my god, Dad, thhut up."

"Honey, you're embarrassing him in front of his fiancé."

"Sollux, you're going all red-"

"We're going to my room!" Sollux stands, "C'mon, ED." And he grabs his chuckling boyfriend by the arm and drags him out of there before his dads can embarrass him any further, (though, he can distinctly hear his dad saying _"He calls him ED, isn't that adorable?"_ as he pulls Eridan away). He scowls at his boyfriend, daring him to say something. He doesn't open his mouth, he just grins like an idiot. Sollux elbows him.

"Your dads are so much nicer than mine." Eridan says, as they're heading up the stairs, "Can they adopt me too?"

"I think they already have in their mindth. Watch out, they're going to thtart combing your hair and telling you that you look thcruffy."

"You _do_ look scruffy. Wwhat's your other dad called?"

"Why do you care?"

"I wwant to knoww wwhat to call them."

"Noah. That'th my dadth, Noah and Paul. When they firtht adopted uth, that'th what they wanted uth to call them but dad ith eathier." Sollux rolls his eyes and pushes the door to his bedroom open, slamming it shut behind them. Somehow, when Eridan's standing there with him, his bedroom looks a million times more childish. With a sigh, Sollux sits with a thump in his computer chair and begins to massage him temples. Grinning, Eridan lays on the bed.

"You evver think wwhat wwould havve happened if wwe met in high school?" He crosses one leg over the other, managing to look like he's modelling for a magazine like always. He's so beautiful that he could be a model easy, Sollux reckons.

"That dependth, what were you like in high thchool?"

"I wwas a douchebag." Eridan chuckles.

"Me too. We would have been thworn enemieth."

"Wwe wwould not."

"We would too. We would be thothe kidth that fight in the parking lot after thchool."

"I'm so glad I didn't go to your high school." Huh. Apparently fighting didn't go down at private schools for rich kids then? Strange.

"But you had a horrible time at yourth."

".... I may havve gone to yours just because you wwere there." And he makes grabby gestures at Sollux like an unhappy five year old, until he pulls himself out up of his computer chair and collapses on the bed. Contently, Eridan wraps himself around him and nuzzles against him. Somehow, the smaller man always ends up being the big spoon. Not that Sollux minds because it makes him feel wanted somehow. Needed. And he likes that, he likes it a lot. He likes that Eridan wants to be so close to him.

Aradia... She only liked to cuddle post-sex. Even when they were watching movies, she preferred to flick popcorn at him and bump elbows rather than cuddle... He shook his head, that was strange. He hadn't thought about AA in a while.

"I lovve you, Sol."

"I think I live for you, ED."

The bed creaks as Eridan shifts his weight.

"Yeah, sometimes I think the same thing. But the opposite."

They lay there quietly for a while and Sollux thinks for the first time in a long time about his past two attempts. That night up on the bridge, when he jumped, what had he been thinking? He'd been thinking about Eridan. He'd felt guilty about doing it. Sollux had regretted it even as he was doing it. God, what was wrong with him? And that night in the car, he'd saved himself for him. For Eridan. Sometimes, he felt like this man was his life force, keeping him alive purely through fierce amounts of love. Was that strange? To think like that?

Had he ever felt this close to Aradia? He didn't think so. He'd loved her, he'd adored her, but they'd been rocky. She'd been.... She had... He couldn't really remember. But she hadn't been as good to him as Eridan had. She was too busy dealing with her own life and he'd just been another problem on top of it.

_"God, Sollux, can't you see that I have shit to sort? I love you, I love you, but I've got my own problems and you're just adding to them by being here!"_

It suddenly hits him.

"What'th the date?"

"April Elevventh. Wwhy?"

"Jutht wondering."

_Happy 23rd Birthday, Aradia._

She'd barely made it past her 20th before she died. She'd still been so young... It was his fault. He killed... Her.

He was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of somebody knocking on the front door and he sits bolt upright, listening. When Eridan opens his mouth, he shushes him. And he can hear the distinct sound of Kurloz's voice and Mituna squealing with excitement. And something in his chest seems to thud to a halt. Because his brother was seeing his therapist, even after all the times Kurloz said he wasn't interested in him.

"He lied to me. Kurlozth lied to me. I think he lieth to me a lot."

Eridan tenses. "Kur is here?"

"I can hear him. Mituna'th tho happy to thee him. Lithten."

And Eridan does. "Wwe should get out of here."

"Have you ever climbed out of a window before?"

"No. I bet you havve though."

"Damn thtraight, let me thhow you how it'th done."


	28. [S]: ARADIA'S LETTERS

The next day- the day after they visit Miss Pyrope and Vriska Serket in the hospital, that is- Kurloz sets out to pick his accomplice up. He finds Terezi waiting outside the cafe, standing there in her bright red sneakers and her Superman t-shirt, rocking back and forth on her heels. Her stupidly red glasses catch the light of the sun so that her eyes look like they're glowing, demon red as the light reflects the colour onto them. She's grinning, all sharp teeth and bright eyes. For the first time, Kurloz realises that he might be just a little bit scared of Terezi Pyrope. 

"Are you ready to go?" He asks, when he's approached enough to look down at her. As if he even needs to ask, judging by the way she's now gripping the straps of her backpack and bouncing up and down on her toes. She nods eagerly and reaches for his arm. He supplies it and she slides her arm through his, holding onto him tightly. 

"I didn't bring my cane because I thought it might get in the way." She says, "Besides, there's no point when you can easily act as my eyes, right?" 

"Uh... Sure thing, sister." 

"Let's get going then!" Her enthusiasm will never cease to impress Kurloz. They're on their way to investigate a murder and here she is, bobbing up and down with excitement. Even her hair bounces with her in excitement, braids flying everywhere as he begins to walk and she begins to leap and bound forwards in excitement. 

"Are you sure you know where you're going?" He asks at one point, as they turn a sharp left. It occurs to him that he is letting a blind girl direct him. 

"Yes, I'm sure! I've walked this a million times before!" Terezi assures him, continuing to drag him until he begins to wonder who exactly is in charge of this investigation. It's worrying that she's strong enough to pull him like this, despite being about half his height. He tries to pull back, stop her rushing, but finds that he isn't strong enough. She's not only in charge of this investigation but she's also apparently the muscle of the team. 

All the way to Aradia's house, The Megido House, she chatters on and on and on:

"So, then, Latula came home and she was in tears and I was like 'what's up?'. She never cries, my sister, you know. She never cries. And she said to me, 'Terezi, I've just spoken with Kankri'. And I was like 'the dude that smells like candy, right?' And she said 'right' and she told me that Kankri told her that Mituna was cheating on her with somebody." 

Kurloz tenses. "Mhm." 

"He didn't want to say who he was cheating on her with, apparently, but Latula has her suspicions. Anyway, everybody's talking about it. And when I say everybody, I mean everybody. The other day, Meenah Peixes of all people called to ask about. I mean, Meenah Peixes. Latula hasn't even seen her since _high school_. She was asking for all the gossip and I was like "aren't you in a psychiatric ward?' I found that out from Vriska Serket, of course, they're in the same one. Or they were. Meenah got out of it on good behaviour apparently. I was impressed until she said that she was stealing again. Stealing and selling stuff on. She said that the other day she sold a mattress to some dudes for-"

"Why do you know so much about other people's business?" Kurloz wonders aloud, shoving his hands in his pockets, "Fuck it, _how_ do you know so much about everybody's business?" 

"I have my ways." She winks at him from behind her glasses, "This is the house." With a start, he looks up and realises that they've arrived at a crumbling house. He's never seen it before but the mailbox has the name "MEGIDO" scrawled across it in rushed handwriting and he feels a sense of familiarity around the house. Like it was his home. When he approaches the front door, he realises that it's because the house smells like his home. It smells of pot, strongly, and burnt cigarette butts litter the ground outside. One of the windows at the front of the house is broken, shattered, taped back together. 

He can't even bring himself to knock on the door, he's too busy inspecting the scratch marks on it and wondering where the hell they came from. There's seven weeks worth of newspapers piled up on the doorstep and some old milk, delivered weeks ago, beginning to smell. All his instincts tell him to the bail, just leave this case alone, the Megidos are dangerous and he shouldn't get anymore involved than he is already. Brave as ever, Terezi knocks on the door but he notes that she steps back to wait. He hears cursing from inside the house and heels on a kitchen floor. When the door's flung open, Damara Megido is standing there in all her glory. 

"She dead. What are you doing here? You know she dead. Nothing to see here." Damara isn't talking to him, she's talking to Terezi and looking down at her too. Her tone makes it sound like Terezi is an idiot. 

"We know she's dead. I spoke at the funeral, remember?" Terezi pushes her glasses higher up on her nose, "I thought what you said was really wonderful." 

"Flattery no work. What you want?" 

"I'm not trying to flatter you, Miss Megido, I just thought it was pretty. You really did know her best, didn't you?" 

"When strange people like you come knocking and claim to be friend of hers, I wonder if I know her at all." Damara rolls her eyes, "Come in. We talk inside. The neighbours here are nosy. They spy on me. They think I illegal immigrant. Ha! They want to report me." She waggles her finger, "They hate us. You come inside and talk." She steps back and leads the way to the battered couch, which Terezi promptly seats herself in the middle of. Kurloz sits beside her, listening as the couch creaks loudly under their combined weight. Damara slams the door closed and sits opposite them. Placing herself delicately on the coffee table, Damara crosses her legs and lights a cigarette, putting it between her red lips. 

"Why you here?" She demands, as she inhales, immediately, "Nothing to see here." 

"We found some letters-" 

"Actually, we're all here because of you, Damara." Kurloz says, truthfully, "We're investigating your sister's death to see if it was a suicide or not. We'd like to look through her room if that's okay." 

For a long, hard moment, Damara stares and he can't tell if she's glaring or not. 

Wordlessly, Kurloz reaches into the pocket for the letter addressed to Damara. He hands it to her, watching her face as she scans it, no emotion showing on her pretty doll face. She looks as if she could shatter at any moment like a china doll too. 

Damara burns the letter with the butt of her cigarette, setting it on fire and watching it burn steadily until it's completely blackened. Kurloz tries to snatch it back but he was too late, the words were unreadable, so there goes some of their evidence. She puts the cigarette back in her mouth, chewing on it, staring at a spot over Kurloz's shoulder with a blank expression. 

"You want to see her room? You guilt me so I say you can see. It no work; I was one that gave you letters, Kurloz, remember?" Damara's painted red legs stretched into a smirk and she uncrosses her legs slowly, flashing her underwear at him as she stands, "There no point. You see room. Find out what happen to my sister. I need to go to work." 

"Thank you so much, Miss Megido. We appreciate it." Damara rolls her eyes and leaves without another word, slamming the door behind her. The second she's gone, they get to work. 

"She burnt the letter, sister."

"I know." 

Aradia's room is down the corridor and Terezi leads the way, having seen it once or twice before. Well, he supposes that she couldn't have seen it but she had been there before. It's the second room on the left and when Terezi pushes the door open, they both hold their breath for a minute as if they're expecting Aradia to fly out and scream at them. There's nothing but the creak of the door opening but that's enough to make Terezi grab at his arm again. She laughs it off as casually as she can. The fear is clear: neither of them want to go through a dead girl's things. 

There is only one word that can describe Aradia Megido's bedroom and that word is ugly. The room is ugly with it's grey walls, which have been plastered with newspaper to keep the damp out, and splashes of red paint that resemble blood in an awful way. There are books piled on the window sill, a carpet spread on the floor, sheets crumpled on the bed. It's as if she never left. Even some notebooks have been left open like she's right about to get back to them. Burn marks are evident on the floor, just like Vriska said, and there are dents on the door. The bed is broken. He doesn't even want to know. 

It's the ghost of Aradia, this room is, and it makes Kurloz shudder. 

"It's scary to think that one day our belongings are all that we'll leave behind." Kurloz says. 

"This room smells like dust." Terezi wrinkles her nose, "Do the Megidos even clean? Their entire house smells like marijuana. Don't they know we can smell it?" 

"I don't think they care, sister." Kurloz says and he swears that she shivers. 

"Call me Terezi." She says, "And you can check the mattress." She goes over to the books on the windowsill and he moves towards the bed. Kurloz almost doesn't want to touch it but reminds himself quickly that Aradia is gone. Images of her crumpled corpse pressed against the dashboard flashes through his mind and he wonders how long Sollux sat there and stared at her. He wonders if the sight is burned into Sollux's brain like it's burned into his. Somehow, he suspects the answer is yes. And with that in mind, he flips the mattress, tossing the sheets and pillows aside. 

The first thing that falls out is a small, plastic bag filled with a white powder. He doesn't even need to inspect that to know that it's cocaine and he's not surprised to find it there, since he knew that she took it on the bad days. Aradia even told him as such and he can remember being surprised at the time because she seemed like such a nice girl, a girl that shouldn't be mixed up in drugs and drink. He wonders how she got caught up in that shit in the first place. The second thing that falls out is a packet of cigarettes. Again, not surprising. A young adult's attempt to hide her obsessions from her Mom. The third thing that falls out is a small red book with gold lettering on the front. A journal?

"But Vriska said she kept the letters instead of a journal." 

"She also said that Aradia stopped writing the letters after high school." Terezi is still flipping through books, a yearbook now, and he spots her slipping it into her bag, "I don't think Aradia will miss this." There's something sad in her voice that tells him not to argue. He also swears that he spots her stuffing one of Aradia's shirts into her bag but he could be mistaken. 

Kurloz picks up the journal, sitting down on the ground to flip through it. There's not much of note, some listings of med she's taken and a few notes like "I was happy today" or "I saw Sollux today" or "I think Vriska is mad at me". The entries aren't lengthy, most of them hardly filling the page, but as the book creeps into April, they seem to become more frequent. Daily even. The most interesting one that he finds is April 29th because a photo falls out onto his lap. It's a picture of Sollux and Aradia, both of them smiling but neither smiles seem to reach their eyes. 

The entry that accompanies it reads:

_Today, I took seven of the white pills and three of the blue ones. I have to ask Kurloz to boost them soon because I'm not sure that it's enough. Something inside of me feels cold and sad and hungry for more. More than this._

_I spent time with Sollux today and we took a picture of us together. He printed it for me back at his place and said that I could keep it because it made me look really pretty. He looked really sad when he said that and something inside of me clenched because he looked like he wanted to say something else. I wonder if he wants to break up with me. It's not his fault but I don't think we're made for each other. Nobody is made for me. I don't think there's a single person in this world that I really want to be with right now._

_Vriska has been insisting that I have to break it off with Sollux or she will leave me. I don't known how to feel about that but I promised I would tell him soon. Tomorrow, he's taking me out again. Maybe I can tell him then that I don't want to be with him anymore. He must know by now that we're not happy together and that we make each other unhappy. It's only a certain amount of time before one of us snaps and I know it will be me._

_Yesterday, I was looking at the pills that I keep on my desk. I counted out too many and clenched them in my fist. Something inside of my chest fluttered with excitement and fear. I put them in my mouth but I spat them out straight away. I can't do it like that. I can't make it look intentional. It has to be an accident._

_I really don't want to hurt Sollux. I don't want to hurt Vriska. And I can't let them know that between them, they've driven me to feeling like this. Feeling bad, feeling low. I've got to do something soon before I actually do it._

_Mommy, if you're reading this, please help me._

Swallowing hard, Kurloz calls out to Terezi. "Look what I found." And he hates it but he reads it again, the words tasting like bile in his mouth. This was the same girl that seemed so bright and happy most of the time. This was the girl that loved to hike, that loved to explore, that loved architecture and archeology and it had been his job to save her. She'd needed somebody to save her and he hadn't come through. God, he wished he could start over. 

"Oh." Terezi says, when he's done, "So she was thinking about s-" 

"Yeah." He doesn't want to hear that word, "She was thinking about it."

After scouring through the rest of the papers and books, they find nothing else of note. In the room, they only find a few more photos stuffed in the drawer. Kurloz notices that Aradia's photos all look similar with her smiling at the camera with whoever is beside her. But the difference is, the older the photos, the happier she looks. It's strange but he swears that he can see her slowly deflating as she flicks through the photos. He places them and the journal into Terezi's backpack and they leave the room. Though Terezi wants to look in Damara's room too, and explore the house, Kurloz doesn't let there. He wants to leave. He hates the dead and dusty feel of the house. 

"I thought we were going to speak to Mrs Megido." Terezi protests, as she's pulled from the house. 

"Not today. I can't handle anymore today. Besides, I've got a date to go to." Despite it all, he had to fight back a small smile. After the long days, being able to see Mituna could be a huge relief for him. The other man was sweet and loving and adorable. And he was so amazingly aware of everything, despite what his parents seemed to think. He knew a lot of what was going on and he understood. And he knew what to say about it. 

"Ooh, a date?" Terezi grins, "Who with, your _giiirrlllfrriieenddd_?" 

"Sure." Kurloz says, "Let's get you back home." She slid her arm through his and that was it, they were off. She didn't ask any further questions and he just prayed that she couldn't see through him completely. Despite her blindness, he got the strange feeling that she was watching him. Maybe it was just the way that her blank eyes looked behind her glasses that creeped him out. 

When he drops her back to the cafe, Latula comes out to greet him. And she looks surprisingly tearful, considering her usually cheerful disposition, and it brings to mind how he felt when Meulin left. For this reason, he put an a hand on her shoulder and told her that she'd be fine. 

"I just don't know who Mituna could like better than me." She says, tiredly. Her arms are tightly crossed, as if she's trying to shield herself. A wave of guilt washes over him and he pulls his hand back, offering a goodbye before turning and setting off towards the Captor house. And truly, he thinks about how badly they've hurt Latula. He had no idea that she'd still be upset. Maybe something's wrong with him because he just didn't think about what would happen. He thought with his dick, Terezi might've said, which wasn't wise. But he couldn't help loving Mituna. And it wasn't as if he were taking advantage of him- Mituna liked him too and was normally a lot more comfortable with kissing than Kurloz was. 

When he does finally reach the Captor house, he knocks on the door and Mituna's dad opens it. He's not met with the usual warm smile but rather, a grimace. 

"Hello, Noah." Kurloz says, wondering if Mr Captor is the more appropriate term because the man glares at him over his glasses. 

"Kurloz." He says, curtly, "Kankri came around yesterday." 

"Oh?" Kurloz winces. He hoped that his friend wouldn't find out. No wonder he hadn't returned Kurloz's call last night. 

"He upset Mituna greatly. I suggest that you're gentle with him." 

That's when Mituna skids in, slipping and sliding in his striped socks, "Don't worry, Dad, Kurlozth ith very gentle with me. He thayth I'm cute." He wraps his skinny arms tightly around Kurloz's waist and clings, refusing to let go, "Bethideth, I'm a grown up. If I want to kithth boyth, you can't thtop me." Mituna sticks his tongue out and his dad sighs. 

"Just be careful." Noah says and Kurloz gets the idea that he doesn't have the seal of approval that he used to have. With one last look at Kurloz, Noah turns and leaves them to it. 

"Kurlozth, Kurlozth, Kurlozth!" Mituna doesn't seem to care, too set on tackling the taller man to the ground. Taken by surprise, Kurloz falls to the ground and lands with a thump. Triumphantly, Mituna lays on top of him and bumps noses with him, grinning at him. Once again, Kurloz finds that he is entirely bowled over just by how adorable his boyfriend is. As if to counteract that point, Mituna leaves a sloppy kiss on his face. 

"Less of the drooling, okay?" Kurloz chuckles, "Mind the facepaint."

Mituna kisses him again. "Jutht take it off so I can kithth you properly." 

That's enough to make Kurloz wince.

"I wanna kithth you properly." Mituna pokes him in the chest, "C'mon." And he leaps to his feet, quickly pulling Kurloz up and ushering him up the stairs, "You gotta be quiet 'coz Tholluxth ith in hith room with hith boyfriend. _Eridan_." He says the word with intense dislike.

"You don't like him, brother?" 

Mituna giggles. "He'th annoying, _brother_. He'th thuch a lother." 

He's dragged down the corridor and shoved into the bathroom before he can protest any further. And, because he likes to make Mituna happy, he turns on the tap and begins to fill the sink with water. Carefully, he begins to wash the facepaint from his face. It's a boring process, yet Mituna settles himself on the edge of the bathtub to watch. 

"You haven't vithited in forever, Kurlozth." Mituna pouts at him, "I miththed you lotth." He suddenly looks very sad, "Nobody wantth to vithit thtupid old Mituna anymore." 

"I don't want to visit stupid, old Mituna either." Kurloz tells him, "I want to visit cute, sexy Mituna." He jabs him in the ribs, tickling him. 

His boyfriend shrieks with delight. "You're tho nice, Kurlozth!" 

"You're not so bad yourself. Towel, please." Mituna hands him one and he dries his face off, "How do I look?" It's been forever since he's let anybody see him without his facepaint on and his heart pounds in his chest, frightened of what Mituna is going to say. To his surprise, his boyfriend gets up and flings his arms around him. 

"I think you are the prettietht boy I've ever theen." Mituna grins and swings him around, kissing at him eagerly. Kurloz catches a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror and winces at his reflection. There's still very visible scarring around his lips from events a long time ago that he doesn't want to think about, let alone explain to Mituna. He tries to cover it up but now, here he is, vulnerable. 

"Thethe markth are cool." Mituna pokes at Kurloz's scars, tracing over them with his fingers, "I like them a lot. You look brave and cool and altho awethome. Not ath awethome ath me but maybe the next awethometht." 

"Mhm." Kurloz shrugs.

"Wanna thee mine?" Mituna asks, seeming to forget that Kurloz has seen them before, and he pushes his hair back, holding it out of the way. He's got awful scarring around his eyes, normally hidden by his messy hair, shaped like little lightning bolts. They're the results of the accident from his childhood, which rendered him brain-damaged, and they really stand out as white against his dark skin. His eyes are like Sollux's, one darkish-red and one electric blue, but somehow it's attractive on Mituna. Maybe Kurloz is just biased. 

"Cool." Kurloz tells him, leaning in to press kisses to each of them individually. 

Mituna giggles. "Tickleth." 

"Does it?" 

That is when the bathroom door is flung open and there stands Sollux, scowling at them. Muttering under his breath, Mituna draws back and let his hair fall back into place. He shifts from foot to foot nervously, making a grab for Kurloz's hand and gripping it tightly. His hand squeezes his hard. 

"Why've you got leaveth in your hair?" Mituna asks, looking as if he's been caught stealing or something, staring down at his feet. 

"Oh, uh, we-" 

"Wwe wwere plannin' to climb out of the wwindoww." Eridan shrugs, standing slightly behind his boyfriend, "Sol got stuck. I rescued him though. Hi Kur." He waves sheepishly, "Hi Tuna." 

"Hi Eridan. Hi Sollux." 

There was a moment of silence as they stared at each other. Mituna's grip tightened further. 

Suddenly, Mituna breaks down in tears. "Okay! I admit it! Kurlozth ith my boyfriend, you can jutht thhut up about it now! I'm thorry! I'm thorry, Latula!!" He looks around expectantly, waiting for one of them to rush to comfort him. Sollux just blinks, his mouth opening and shutting again like a fish. Surprisingly, it's Eridan that steps forward and he puts an hand tentatively on Mituna's arm. Sollux inhales sharply. 

"Swweetie, you nevver dated a boy before, havve you?" 

"No." Mituna sniffles but doesn't pull away. 

"It's not a big deal. Promise. You don't havve to wworry about it. Nobody's gonna say anythin' about it. You just need to explain to Latula wwhy you can't be wwith her anymore." 

Surprisingly, this seems to settle Mituna. He relaxes visibly and exhales slowly. Much to Eridan's apparent surprise, the older Captor pulls him into a tight hug and mumbles something about him smelling like fish. When he lets go, Mituna reattaches himself to Kurloz's arm and looks at them all with big eyes. 

"I think I might be that word when you like boyth." Mituna sniffs, "Like dad. Not like Tholluxth. I don't think I like girlth that much." 

"Cool." Sollux says, "Me and ED are gonna go play on the Wii. Even though it'th totally lame. C'mon, babe." Rolling his eyes, Eridan leans against his boyfriend and the two of them disappear. Kurloz can hear them whispering on the stairs. He turns to his own boyfriend, looking down at his fluffy head and big mismatched eyes, planting a kiss on his forehead. 

"They thought you were pretty too." Mituna decides. 

It occurs to Kurloz that Eridan and Sollux have both just seen him minus facepaint. He shudders. 

"MITUNAAAAAAAA~!" His dad calls up the stairs, "It's bedtime! Is Kurloz staying the night?" 

Mituna looks up at him hopefully. Kurloz nods. 

"YETH, HE ITH!" Mituna yells back. 

"Don't forget to brush your teeth tonight!" 

"Dad! You're EMBARRATHTHING me!" Mituna flushes and it's cute; then, he turns to Kurloz and presses up close against him, "Did you eat dinner already? We did. Dad bought me pizza to thay thorry for me having to put up with Eridan. But if you're hungry and thhit... We probably gotth leftoverth in the fridge." 

"I'm not hungry." Kurloz assures him, "Do you need help cleaning your teeth?"

"I'm a grown up." Mituna pouts, "Jutht 'coz my brain ith meththed up doethn't mean I'm dumb." True to his word, he gets to work cleaning his teeth and manages it with minimal mess. More proof that they all underestimate just how capable Mituna is- even Kurloz is guilty of it and he feels terrible about it. When Mituna's cleaned his teeth, he insists on helping Kurloz clean his (as a kind of revenge, Kurloz guesses) and sticks his toothbrush in his mouth. It's strange to have his teeth brushed by somebody else and having Mituna instruct him on when to spit but Kurloz doesn't really mind. After that, Kurloz is tugged down the hallway and into Mituna's room. 

"I might need help with my jammieth." Mituna admits with a sheepish kind of shrug, "Help." And he sticks his hands up in the air. At first, Kurloz is entirely at a loss of what to do until Mituna yells at him to help him get his shirt off and he understands. Carefully, he undresses his boyfriend and Kurloz soon gets the hang of it. Once he's standing there in his underwear, Mituna goes digging through his chest of drawers for pyjamas. Kurloz notes that there's bruises dotted over most of his skin and pokes at one of them. 

"You've been in the wars, haven't you?" Blanching, he realises that's what his Mom used to say. Emotionlessly, while she stuck band-aids on cuts and pretended to smile at them. 

Mituna laughs. "Thilly Kurlozth, I haven't been in a war. Thkateboarding injurieth, that'th all." He fishes out his pyjamas (they've got bees on, obviously) and Kurloz helps him wriggle his way into them. It's apparently a huge ordeal when Mituna gets tangled in his shirt because he shrieks until Kurloz sorts him out. When he's properly dressed, he shoves pyjamas into Kurloz's arms and tells him that he has to put them on. Kurloz doesn't have the heart to tell him that he doesn't wear pyjamas to bed. Regardless, he pulls them on and ignores Mituna's "thexy" comments. 

Finally, they can fall into bed together and Kurloz is exhausted. He's also incredibly close to Mituna because it's a single bed and not designed to hold two people, especially two people of incredible height. They have to curl up to avoid their toes poking out the other side of the bed. Mumbling incomprehensibly, Mituna is quick to take advantage and wrap himself around Kurloz, pressing his head into his chest. His knee is digging into Kurloz's side. 

"You don't like taking your clotheth off in front of me, Kurlozth." Mituna's words are muffled against Kurloz's shirt, "Don't you want to? Don't you think you're pretty?" 

"I just get cold, Tuna." 

"Liar." Mituna looks up at him and sticks his tongue out, "Ith it becauthe you're hurt?" 

"I'm not hurt." 

"You've got markth all over you. Like my face. It'th bad. Do the markth make you thad, Kurloz?" He sits up abruptly, "Thhould I kithth them better?" 

"No, no, lie down." Kurloz pulls him back down, "They don't hurt. I jutht... Don't like looking at them much. They... Make me think of bad thingth." He doesn't really want to talk about why his skin is badly scarred in a handful of places, which is why he normally wears a lot of layers. That way, nobody will ever know and he'll never have to talk about it. Still, he feels like he could confide in Mituna. Someday... But not today. 

"Like my face." Mituna whimpers and his voice drops to a whisper, "Bad carth, bad! Bad, bad ice!" And he smacks his head against Kurloz's chest repeatedly, hurting both of them. When Kurloz flinches, Mituna stops and makes another pathetic whimpering noise. He sounds on the verge of tears again. 

Soothingly, Kurloz pushes a hand through Mituna's hair. "Hey... Shush... I've got you." It seems to settle him and he buries his face back into Kurloz's chest, most likely slobbering all over him, "Goodnight, Tuna." That seems to be enough to pull things back from the edge of disaster. 

"Nighty night...." Mituna murmurs, "Kurlozthh. Love you."

"Yeah, I love you too, brother." 

Good things don't last and Kurloz sleeps badly again, dreaming of things that he won't remember in the morning. The one thing he will remember is the broken bodies that he's seen and the blood he's seen spilt and that for the first time in a while, he remembers that night with his brother. How they'd fought, how Gamzee had been angry, how he'd left those marks on Kurloz and how they'd bled. Blood. There had been a lot of blood. And his brother had ended up dead in the ditch and he knew it wasn't his fault, somebody else had pulled the trigger after all, but he wishes he'd pulled him back from the edge. He wishes things hadn't gone so far. 

He's woken by Mituna bouncing up and down on top of him, yelling. Kurloz is sweating and feeling nauseous but he doesn't protest, kissing his boyfriend good morning like he knows he needs to. Mituna seems to know that something is wrong but he doesn't say anything, just squeezing Kurloz a little tighter. He's dragged downstairs and sat down to watch cartoons, which he half-watches whilst he snoozes a little. It's alarmingly early and he lays on the couch, Mituna resting against his stomach, and he manages a smile. Mituna makes him smile. 

An hour or two later, Eridan appears, dressed in Sollux's clothes which are too long and too tight for him, and trudges into the kitchen. Kurloz can hear the frazzling of bacon dropped into a pan and Mituna groans. 

"Hungry." 

"Well, brother, I'm sure Eridan is gonna let you have-" 

"Hungry." Mituna persists, "FITHH BOY!" And he gets up and dashes into the kitchen to bother Eridan. Sighing, Kurloz gets to his feet and follows. And he watches Mituna quizzing Eridan, bouncing up and down much like Terezi did. Eridan's a good sport, to his credit. 

"Why're you here?" 

"I stayed ovver like Kur did." 

"When are you leaving?" 

"Soon, Tuna, I promise." 

"I don't want you to leave." Mituna crumples suddenly, like a piece of paper, visibly shrinking, "I don't want any of you to leave. You won't come back for me. I know you won't! I know you won't! People never come back for me." And he started to howl, tears dripping steadily down his face, "They never came back for me!" Eridan and Kurloz exchanged curious and concerned looks. 

"I'll come back, Tuna. Maybe Wwednesday." 

"Why not tomorrow?" Mituna demands, teary-eyed. 

"Tomorroww, me and Sol are goin' on a date."

"Can I come?" Mituna asks, tilting his head slightly to one side. 

Kurloz is about to speak but Eridan gets there first. "Honey, of course you can. Bring your boyfriend too, okay? He'll get lonely wwithout you around to keep him company." He, no word of a lie, winks at Mituna, "If you knoww wwhat I mean." 

"He'th talking about fucking, right?" Mituna checks. 

"Sure." Eridan chuckles, "Here's your breakfast, Tun." He hands him a plate that's piled high with bacon and pancakes and Mituna takes it before scurrying off, probably back to the TV. Kurloz stares after him, smiling a little, and therefore jolts in surprise when a plate is thrust into his hands. Eridan is looking at him kindly. 

"Kur, you look awwful. Go sit dowwn." 

Kurloz hesitates. "Are you sure it's okay for us to come with you tomorrow, brother? I can understand if you want some time alone with your boyfriend for once." 

"I'd like to havve your company." Eridan admits with a shrug, "Dates make me anxious." He fiddles with the ring on his finger, casting his gaze to the floor, and Kurloz remembers the nervous boy that he met now so long ago. "And I think they make Sollux nervvous too, not that he'd admit it. Anywway, you and Tuna can come, no problem. Wwe're gonna go to a science exhibition thing. Stupid, I knoww, but Sol's a giant nerd. I guess that's wwhy I lovve him so much. Fuckin' loser." Kurloz hears the kitchen door swing open behind him, "Speakin' of wwhich... Mornin', dork." 

"Geek." Sollux returns, approaching and snatching a plate of pancakes from his boyfriend. Eridan smacks him on the arm. 

" _Sol_..." They kiss and Kurloz cringes. PDA have never been a thing he's enjoyed. "Wwe're double datin' tomorroww wwith Kur an' Tun, hope ya don't mind." 

Sollux pulls a face. 

"Shut up." Eridan says, even though the Gemini didn't actually say anything. 

After breakfast, Kurloz makes excuses about having a lot of work to get though, which isn't exactly a lie. And he kisses Mituna on the doorstep, because he insists, and promises that he'll be back tomorrow to take him out. Only then is he allowed to leave. His apartment is emptier than ever somehow and he struggles to withhold a sigh. He wishes he could stay at the Captors' forever by somehow, he gets the impression that he isn't too welcome there. Mituna's family were a little too stiff and awkward around him. 

Collapsing on the couch, he checks his cell and finds about ten million messages from Terezi. 

From Terezi to Kurloz:  
H3Y 1NV3ST1G4TOR TH1S ONLY JUST OCCUR3D TO M3

From Terezi to Kurloz:  
1\. W3V3 GOT TO S33 1F SOLLUX H4S 4NY 3V1D3NC3 TH4T 4R4D14 W4S UNH4PPY

From Terezi to Kurloz:  
2\. H4V3 YOU GOT 4NY 3V1D3NC3 4BOUT 4NYTH1NG?

From Kurloz to Terezi:  
Yeah you could say that.

From Terezi to Kurloz:  
DO SP1LL 1N3ST1G4TOR

From Kurloz to Terezi:  
I'm mailing you a file.

He opens his computer and scrolled through his audio recordings until he found the one that he was looking for. He recorded a lot of his therapy sessions on microphones and often saved them, since they could work better than notes. This specific one was one that he had listened to many times. He selected the one from the 2nd of May 2012 and mailed it to Terezi: 

**KM: Hello, Sollux. First of all, you have my apologies about what happened. Miss Megido was truly a bright and wonderful young woman.**

**SC: No, she wasn't.**

**KM: I'm sorry?**

**SC: I said she wasn't.**

**[PAUSE]**

**KM: Okay... Would you like to recall that night's events as you remember them?**

**SC: Well, I don't remember much.**

**KM: No. You suffered quite the hit to the head and that damaged your memory of the events, brother. Correct?**

**SC: I suppose. Could also be the antidepressants. They can cause memory loss. So can a lot of meds actually-**

**KM: Sollux, please. Can you tell me what little you can remember?**

**SC: Of course. So, me and Aradia were cruisin'. That's what she called it, she called it cruisin'. I think she liked it because it sounded like something that somebody would say in an old movie, y'know. Aradia's cute like that. Was cute like that.**

**[PAUSE]**

**SC: I miss her.**

**KM: Is it true that you had been drinking? Or abusing substances?**

**SC: I don't remember. Maybe? I'm not legally qualified to drive anyway. You know that.**

**KM: Then, can you explain why you were driving?**

**[PAUSE]**

**SC: Aradia wanted me too. She said if she drove everybody would think she did it on purpose.**

**KM: What do you think that means?**

**[PAUSE]**

**SC: Fuck, I don't know.**

**KM: Continue.**

**EC: Anyway, we were cruisin' and she's like "hey, why don't we hit the next town?" And I'm like "okay, sure." So, we set off. And... I think we hit something? A tree, maybe?**

**KM: Hm.**

**SC: I can't remember what it was... [SIGH] But we argued. I wanted to go back. Aradia said we couldn't. I can't really... Remember... But she kept screaming that we had to keep going. And she grabbed hold of the wheel and...**

**[PAUSE]**

**KM: And?**

**SC: It's all black after that. Nothing. Then, I woke up and she was already gone. So, I was panicking... And I called you.**

**KM: Thank you, Sollux. One last question: did Aradia Megido ever speak of harming herself?**

**SC: No, not ever. Why, did she say something to you, Kur-**

**[END RECORDING]**

Kurloz closed his laptop. 

Sometimes, he really hated his job. 

Still, he has a proper date to look forward too.


	29. ACT THREE: Part Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eridan admits his love for crossdressing and Sollux has something to tell him. This was going to be sad but I'm happy right now!!! (Dedicated to my crush, it's their birthday today)

"We gotta cut your hair." Sollux says, running his fingers through it. Currently, Eridan is trying to change their bed sheets but his boyfriend is doing his best to distract him. Leaning up to kiss him, Eridan hopes that will keep him at bay long enough for Eridan to fit the sheet over the mattress. Still, Sollux's words make him nervous that he lets go of the sheet and it snaps out of place, causing him to swear loudly. 

"You really think it's too long?" Eridan asks, standing and making his way over to the other side of the bed. He can't help running his fingers through his long hair, which he'll admit is perhaps a little long, and enjoying the wispy feel of it. At Feferi's request only, he had finally given in and dyed the blonde out of it. Instead, his dark hair was streaked with purple, which Sollux claimed made him look even queerer than usual, ("and why do you look like thuch a drama club kid?"). He thought it looked pretty, even if the colour did remind him of college. 

"Yeah. You look too much like a girl." Sollux says, absentmindedly, probably not intending to harm. After all, when has the Gemini ever stopped for a moment to consider other people's feelings? (Well, actually, there's been quite a few times but whatever. Sollux doesn't have much of a brain-to-mouth filter. He lets you know what he's thinking). 

Eridan's breath caught in his throat. "That's a bad thing?" His voice shakes and he finally manages to get the goddamn sheet on the mattress, climbing on it to keep it in place. And he begins to feed the covers back into their cases, avoiding Sollux's eyes. 

"What? No. Do you want to look like a girl?" His boyfriend sounds more confused than anything and Eridan is dying to glance at his face, to see if he's frowning and his eyebrows have crumpled like they do when he's thinking. When Eridan doesn't look up, Sollux clambers onto the bed as well and takes his boyfriend's hand. "Hey. _Do_ you want to look like a girl?" He snatches his hand back and buttons up the duvet cover. 

He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. "It's not that I wwant to look like a girl. I just... like to wwear make-up and skirts and stuff sometimes. I got beat up pretty bad in college because of it. That's wwhy I don't do it anymore." 

Sollux considers this. "But if you like wearing girlth clotheth, you thhould wear them. Fuck other people, right?" 

"Right. Okay." Eridan says, mind racing, "Maybe..." 

Stretching, Sollux stands. "I'm gonna go watch TV. You get dreththed. We've got twenty minuteth before we gotta pick Kurlozth and Tuna up." And he slinks out of the room. It's a few seconds before Eridan hears the TV clicking on and Sollux flicking through channel after channel of sitcoms and grumbling loudly. It's an oddly reassuring sound and he forces himself to breathe steadily and rummage through his closet, until he finds his prettiest clothes hidden at the back. 

Hands shaking, he dresses himself in the clothes that Feferi bought for him at the mall and worries what Sollux will say. He's a guy that seems pretty fucking sure of his masculinity and would never even consider wearing a skirt, so Eridan is fearing being yelled at or called a freak. That was what his dad said, when he found out. 

Still, he finds some lilac pants- he's not quite ready to risk a skirt yet- and a cute shirt with a tie-dye pattern printed on it, which he pulls on. The whole time, he's expecting somebody to jump out and scream that he's wrong. Nothing happens, not even when he washes the remainders of hairspray out of his hair in the sink and lets his hair hang around his face. When he glances in the mirror, he just looks like Eridan. Eridan with long hair and freckles and pastel clothes. He wonders if Sollux will see different. 

The walk from the bedroom to the main room seems to take a lifetime, each of his breaths audible. He picks at one of the purple friendship bracelets knotted around his wrist. It's just a silly bit of string but still, it's a gift from Fef. He wears it everyday. He wonders if Sollux has ever noticed that and doubts it somehow. That man doesn't notice anything. 

"So?" Eridan stands in the doorway, waiting for Sollux to say something. He glances up and stares at him for a long, hard minute. Eridan is expecting the worse, expecting to be disowned and thrown out on the streets. Standing there, he shifts from pink sneakered foot to pink sneakered foot, fiddling with his rings and waiting. He's already planning where he could take shelter in winter, when Sollux speaks. 

"Cute." And Eridan wants to kiss him all over, "You look really cute. Are you happy like thith?" 

The Aquarius nods enthusiastically. 

"You look beautiful." 

He lets out a breath that he didn't know he was holding, feeling tension leave his shoulders suddenly. All of a sudden, it feels like he can breathe properly and he almost laughs, light-headed. And he falls easily into Sollux's lap, feeling a million pounds lighter. Like a feather. His boyfriend kisses him on the nose and Eridan nuzzles against him contently. 

When Kankri barges in, slamming the door open, Eridan nearly jumps out of his skin. 

"I apologise." Kankri says and his feathers look ruffled, metaphorically speaking, "I have just been informed that Mituna and Kurloz are going on a date. A double date. With you two." He eyes them as if they're hiding something, "I wanted to wish you... Luck." There's something stiff and unhappy about his way of speaking. He scratches the back of his head, seemingly conscious of their eyes on him. 

"Wwhat's up, Kan?" Eridan raises an eyebrow, "You seem... Upset?"

"Nothing is up." The therapist assures them, "Everything is fine. You both look nice. Eridan, you look lovely. Enjoy your date." And Hurricane Kankri slams the door behind him again and somebody yells for him to quit it, probably Karkat. Eridan stifles a nervous giggle and thinks that he might love living with this many people. 

"Well, we've got time to watch thome Thteven Univerthe." Sollux nudges him, "I recorded thome epithodeth for you thince you apparently love it tho much. I can't believe that you're tho behind, we've all been watching it for monthth."

"Wwe?"

"Me and the retht of the goddamn world." Sollux picks up the remote and flicks through the listed recordings until he finds what he's looking for, putting on an episode for Eridan. He loses himself in it quickly, forgetting entirely about what he's wearing or anything like that. It's nice to forget. But relaxing does mean that he forgets about the date until the last minute because Sollux obviously doesn't bother reminding him. 

Later, after the panicked rush to find Sollux's shoes, they take Kankri's Mom Van (which he denies is a Mom Van and claims to be a reliable minivan, but everybody calls it the Mom Van anyway) and Eridan drives. Beside him, his boyfriend is tuning into a radio station and mumbling alongside some song, his eyes glazed and his gaze focused in the distance. His hands are resting on the dashboard, his fingers tap-tap-tapping. His ring is glittering on his finger, winking at Eridan.

"Howw you doin', Sollux?" The Aquarius glances sideways at him.

"I'm doing okay, Kankri." Sollux rolls his eyes; after a firm look, he sighs, "Really, I'm okay. I'm not going to puke or cry or anything weird. I think I'm thtarting to get a hang of thith depreththion thing. Took my medth and everything today." He pauses, "I'm gonna go thee Kurloz next week. I called him." 

"I'm proud of you." Eridan tells him.

"How about you? You okay?"

"Yeah..." Eridan smiles, "I'm feelin' pretty good about things." 

"You look really nice today. All... Pathtely." Sollux shrugs, "Thith... Thith doethn't change anything, doeth it? You're thtill a guy, Eridan, right? Jutht... A guy in girlth' clotheth." 

"Right. I'm not trans or anythin'. I just like feelin' pretty." Eridan smiles, "Thanks for not thinkin' this is wweird. You're a really good guy, Sol." 

"I'm gueththing your dad doethn't know about thith?" Sollux guesses. 

"Actually, he does. Wwhen he found out... That wwas the only time that he evver actually yelled at me. He said some really bad things..." Eridan sighs, "I wwas really scared. I mean, I wwas like ten or somethin'. I wwas terrified that he'd hate me forevver. But... Cro... Cro calmed him dowwn. He said it wwas just a phase and I stopped dressin' up and everythin' wwent back to normal. I nevver thanked Cro for that..."

"But you thaid thomething about college?" 

"Same thing then. Fef liked dressin' me up and I liked her doin' it. But wwhen people found out... It made things wworse than it wwas already. People wwere horrible to me. Noww, I only dress like this in secret." Eridan runs a hand through his hair, smoothing it down and enjoying the way it fell down to his shoulders, "Wwhat if people are horrible today?" 

"Then, I'll punch the thhit out of them. Becauthe that'th what boyfriendth are for, right?" Sollux chuckles, "I don't think anybody will thay anything, ED. I think... People might jutht think you're a girl. You look like a girl." 

"Ain't nothin' wwrong wwith that. Girls are hot." 

"You do remember the whole "being gay" thing, right?" 

Eridan snickers. "I said "girls are hot", not "I wwant to bang a girl". I'm not into them, pretty as they are. I think my boyfriend is a wwhole lot hotter." He parks up outside the Captor house and leans over to kiss his boyfriend, bumping glasses with him as he did so. That's what comes of both of them wearing such thick frames. For a long time, their mouths move against each other and Eridan whines against him. Sollux's mouth is warm and sticky with the taste of red bull. 

"And I think you're the prettietht guy I know." Sollux says, breathlessly, when he draws back, "You think we've got time to-" 

"Kan wwould kill us if wwe did anythin' remotely sexual in his minivvan." Eridan reminds him. 

"He'th fun to pithth off." Sollux says, "Have you ever had thex in a car?"

"Nope. Bet you havve."

"It'th the betht place." 

"Sol, wwe can't just- _mhmmmmm!_ " 

"You were thaying?" 

"Fuck me." 

"Yeththir." 

Sollux wasn't lying when he said it was the best place but maybe it's the best place because Sollux is there. He'd do this with Sollux anywhere, he's so good. He's good with his fingers and he's warm and he doesn't object when Eridan grabs hold of his hair and pulls hard to keep himself steady.

All Eridan can do is thank his lucky stars for the blacked out windows and work hard to finish quickly, stifling his yells by biting down hard on Sollux's shoulder. His boyfriend curses and stuffs his fist in his mouth. Both of them collapse into fits of giggles not long after, lying half-naked and breathless on the floor of the minivan. Sollux's face is flushed and he's grinning.

"Wath that a thhitty attempt at a hickey, Ampora?" 

"Excuse you, I'm not Ampora anymore. I'm a soon-to-be Captor." He tilts his chin up proudly. 

"Pfft, you're too lame to be a Captor." Sollux kisses his nose, "Kidding." 

"You're cute." Eridan checks the time, "But noww wwe're really late to pick Tun and Kur up." Eridan says, reaching for his underwear and pulling it back on. His pants quickly follow and Sollux dresses opposite him, both of them rushing. It's hard to get dressed in the back of a minivan, when Eridan keeps snickering. 

"Tell them you needed thome time alone with your hot boyfriend." Sollux smirks, "How bad of a methth did we make?" 

Eridan is already on it, scrubbing at any stains with some tissues he found in the glove compartment, "Sol, you're swweaty and gross. Did you evven put deodorant on before wwe left the house?" 

"... Yeth?"

"Liar. Ah, wwell, wwe're gonna havve to livve wwith it noww. You're a mess." Eridan gives up on cleaning the seat and stuffs the tissues back in the glove compartment, "Kan's gonna kill us but wwe're late. C'mon." He climbs out of the car and drags his boyfriend with him, hoping they don't look too scruffy. Well, Sollux, at least, doesn't look any worse than usual. Just sweatier. Eridan rings the doorbell before reaching up to brush his boyfriend's hair back into place. 

"You look great." Sollux assures him, "It'th gonna be fine." And then, the door opens and Eridan tries not to look like he just fucked his boyfriend in the backseat. Apparently, he does this well because Dad One- Paul, he remembers- doesn't so much as bat an eyelid at him. Rather, he looks the pair of them over before pulling them inside. 

"Kurloz is late." Paul says, with distaste, "He better show." 

"Dad, he'th going to thhow." Mituna insists, from where he's sat on the stairs in a clean t-shirt and what look like new sneakers, "Kurlozth ith my boyfriend, _god_." He might be rolling his eyes but it's hard to tell under that mop of hair. It's also hard to tell but Eridan thinks his hair might have been combed. 

"Of course he wwill, Tuna." Eridan gives him a double thumbs up. In response, Mituna just flips him up and stands, wrapping his arms around his dad like a child. They're about the same height, so it looks more than a little ridiculous. 

"Now, what's this I heard about you two trying to climb out of a window yesterday?" Paul looks at Eridan and Sollux, smirking, "Are we that bad, Eridan? Do you feel the need to escape us?" 

"N-no." Eridan shakes his head, "Wwe wwere just... Wwe didn't wwant to see Kurloz...." He looks at Mituna, "And... Nothin'. It wwas nothin'." 

"And how's that wedding of yours going?" Dad Two- Noah, Eridan remembers, is leaning in the kitchen doorway, "We received our very glittery invitation. Obviously Sollux's doing. He's such a fiend for glitter, you know?" That makes Eridan smile and elbow his boyfriend in the ribs.

"FF'th doing actually. Thhe took charge of everything." Sollux fakes terror, "Dad, you've got to help me. They're planning thome glittery purple bullthhit wedding. It'th terrifying." 

"Wwell, I'm not having a yellow wedding." Eridan says, firmly, "I'd sooner die." 

"You're evil." Sollux whines, "Take pity on me, I beg you." 

"THOLLUXTH." Mituna detaches from his dad to cling to his brother instead, "Do I get to come to the wedding? I'll be thuper good, I thwear! I'll be quiet and everything. Will there be pizza?" He looks so eager. He's also wearing skinny jeans in the place of his usual sweatpants, which Eridan recognises as the Captors trying to dress up smart. Aside from their different taste in graphic t-shirts, both Sollux and Mituna are wearing almost identical clothes. Strange. But adorable. 

"There will definitely be pizza, MT." Sollux promises. 

_"Sol..."_

"Iwant pizza at my wedding, ED. Pleathe." 

Noah approaches and puts a hand on Eridan's shoulder. "What you all seem to forget is what weddings are really about? The joining of two souls in matrimony. And the joining of families. You and Eridan are going to be brothers, Tuna, isn't that great?" He smiles at his son. 

Mituna pulls a face. 

"More importantly, there's apparently going to be pizza." Paul says, "That's all I'm going for."

"You're so unromantic." Noah groans. 

"Opposites attract, my love." They share a romantic look and both Sollux and Mituna look away, humiliated by their parents being all sappy in front of them. 

"THITH ITH GROTHTH, THITH ITH GROTHTH, THITH ITH GROTHTH. THTOP BEING GOOEY OR I'M GOING TO PUKE, JETHUTH!" Mituna covers his ears and closes his eyes tightly. Luckily, there's a knock on the door and he rushes to fling it open, screaming "KURLOZTH" and tackling his boyfriend to the ground. There's a thump as they hit the ground and Eridan crosses his fingers that nobody got hurt. 

Paul rolls his eyes. "You kids have fun. Try and learn something." 

_"Dad!"_ Sollux whines, taking hold of Eridan by the arm, "We're leaving. Bye!" He drags him out of the door without further ado, Eridan turning to wave as he's pulled past Kurloz and Mituna and thrust into the minivan. This time, he's punished for glittery invitations by being forced to sit in the backseat. Kurloz gets to drive and Sollux sits back in his usual seat, trying to find a decent radio station. As always, there's only static and pop songs. Eridan ends up with Mituna leaning against him. It's kind of adorable. 

"But can I come to the wedding?" Mituna asks, looking up at Eridan hopefully. His eyes are much darker than Sollux's, almost damaged looking. One of them is a deep brown, tinged only slightly red, and one of them is deep ocean blue. They look sort-of-dead, despite the grin on his face and the shine in them. Why are his eyes so empty, like a part of him is missing? Eridan notes that he knows very few people with regular eyes. 

"Of course you can, honey." Eridan ruffles his hair, "Maybe wwe'll evven see if wwe can find you an important job to do, huh?" 

"Awethome!" Mituna grins, before looking Eridan up and down and looking more puzzled, "Why are you a girl today?"

"Uh, I-" 

"MT." Sollux leans back, "You know how Latula liketh to wear boyth clotheth? Pantth and thneakerth and thingth?" 

"Thure." 

"It'th the thame thing." 

"I get it!" Mituna says and he sounds delighted to understand, "Eridan wearth girlth clotheth and Latula wearth boyth clotheth. And Kurlozth wearth thkeleton clotheth." He cackles with laughter and his boyfriend, having stopped at the traffic lights, turns to smile at him. 

Something about Mituna's presence is uplifting and bright and Eridan finds himself loving the older Captor more and more. He's not as childlike as Eridan originally labelled him. He seems to know his shit, judging by how he tells Eridan about some upcoming movie that he's excited about. Mituna is just Mituna and that's all there is to it. When they reach the exhibit, Kurloz takes his boyfriend by the hand and Mituna insists that they use the normal queue instead of the disabled one. 

"I'm not dithabled." 

"'Courthe not." Sollux says, "But thince I'm fucked in the head, let'th uthe it anyway. We get to thkip the normal queue that way, right?" He gestures to the long line of people. His brother shrugs and together, the group joins the disabled queue. Or not queue because they pay for tickets quickly and get in fast. Eridan squeezes his boyfriend's arm tightly, hanging off it as they head inside. 

"I heard they got a display on astrophysics. You wwant to see?" 

"I love it when you talk thexy to me." Sollux grins at him and they arrange to meet back up with Mituna and Kurloz later, heading off to learn about astrophysics. For the millionth time, it occurs to Eridan that his boyfriend is incredibly smart for somebody that didn't even make it to college. And he nudges him.

"Hey. You should go to college. Take some classes." He tells him. 

Sollux just shrugs at him. "Why would I do that when I can chill with you inthtead?" 

"Because I think you'd like it. You're smart. I bet my dad could pay your wway."

"Your dad hateth me." 

"Nah, my dad just hates all commoners. Don't make yourself feel special."

"I don't wanna go to college, ED." And the subject is dropped abruptly as they reach said display on astrophysics and Sollux starts asking the staff questions about it, intrigued. The whole time, Eridan is squeezing his arm tightly and listening, nodding along happily. He's so glad that his boyfriend likes science as much as he does- even if Sollux does prefer physics where Eridan prefers chemistry. 

Still, there's enough stimulus to keep the pair of them entertained for a long time. Sollux explains all the physics displays to him, clearly enjoying it immensely, talking so fast that he starts spitting on every 's' sound. It's endearing but Eridan makes him slow down and adds getting Sollux braces to his to-do list. The day goes smoothly and normally until they reach the display explaining Pluto's ice volcanoes (no word of a lie, Sollux is just as excited as Eridan. Space is awesome). That's when the Gemini stops the Aquarius and tells him that he has to tell him something. 

"Tho, I wath going to wait until later to tell you. When we got home. But I gotta tell you now." 

"Wwhat?" Eridan blinks, hoping it's nothing bad. 

"I got a job." 

_"You did?_ Sol, that's wwonderful!" Eridan squeals like a little girl and pulls his boyfriend into an excited hug, "I'm so proud of you!" 

"Yeah, it may or may be not be at a video game thtore." Sollux shrugs.

"You giant nerd!" Eridan draws back and punches him playfully on the arm, "I'm so proud, you havve no idea! Wwhen are you startin'?" 

"Monday." Sollux tells him, "Can we look at the ice volcanoeth now?" 

There's time to look at a few more exhibits before they meet back up with Kurloz and Mituna. So they do and Eridan gets to look at the chemistry corner of the exhibit, tugging a reluctant Sollux along behind him. But before long, it's time to meet the others and Eridan, grumbling, stalks back to the meeting spot with his boyfriend in tow. Already waiting there, Mituna is giggling as he's given a piggyback around the lobby, yelling with delight. People are looking but neither Kurloz nor Mituna seem to give a shit. 

"Guyth." Sollux rolls his eyes and they come to a stop, Mituna being carefully put down. He stumbles to his brother, all bright-eyed and excited. 

"Thith place ith the thhit!" Mituna yells, delighted, "I like thciencthe, Tholluxth!" 

"I'm glad." Sollux high-fives him, "Wanna go grab lunch?" 

"You bet! Can we get McDonaldth?" 

"Thure." 

Kurloz and Eridan exchange disgusted expressions. 

So, since Sollux apparently seems to have some kind of McDonalds radar installed in his brain, he leads the way to the nearest one with his brother clinging to his arm. And though he wishes he could ignore it, Eridan can't help noticing that their group gets more than a few stares. He supposes they're lucky that's all they get, considering their group consists of a mime, a crossdresser, a heterochromatic bipolar and a brain-damaged guy. Though, he swears that he hears a passerby mumble something that sounds like "freaks". Judging by the way that Kurloz's hands clench into fists, he hears too. 

Instead of saying anything, Kurloz and Eridan just glance at each other and draw closer to each other. And both of them make sure to keep their boyfriends close too, overall just moving closer together as a group. When they reach McDonalds, Kurloz suggests that they sit in the corner and they do that, sending Sollux up to order since the rest of them aren't capable of it. As Eridan tries his best to turn invisible, Kurloz leans over and whispers to him. 

"People aren't staring at you, brother. You don't need to get all up and anxious." 

"They're not?" Eridan sits up a little straighter. 

"You look nice." Kurloz says, "Did your boyfriend tell you so yet?" 

"Yeah. He's the best." 

"I think you're very good for each other. He keeps looking at you."

Glancing up to check if it's so, Eridan meets his fiancé's eyes and he waves at him, grinning. Sollux winks at him and that's when he picks up the tray with their food on it and carries it over to their table, setting it down and sitting across from Eridan. Their knees bump under the table and Sollux begins sorting out who's got what, helping his brother open his ketchup sachets, and it occurs to Eridan that his boyfriend is really, really amazing. Maybe he's just biased. He wonders if it's normal to still feel all fluttery inside whenever Sollux smiles at him or if that's his anxiety or something. Anyway, his stomach does a backflip when Sollux takes his hand and he glances around to see if anybody's looking. Nobody is. He relaxes. 

Sollux's hand is soft except for the fingers, which are rough from typing so much and so fast. And Eridan squeezes his hand tightly, grinning at him like an idiot. 

"Are you okay?" Sollux leans in to ask. 

"Yeah. Are you?" Eridan breathes. 

His boyfriend nods. Because they're okay. And it's wonderful. 

Following lunch, Mituna and Kurloz decide to go back home to play video games or make out or whatever the hell the two of them do in their spare time. Before they can leave, however, he makes them promise to come to Pride next month. It's normally towards the end of the year but this year, it's wisely been moved into spring, rather than holding it in winter. Eridan is ever so excited, since him and Sollux went last year and it was the best time he'd ever had. This year, he plans to take their entire group. 

Once they've left, Eridan insists on continuing onto to the video gaming store so that he can see where Sollux is going to work. It's surprisingly large and one of the staff seems to recognise Sollux- at his height with his thick glasses, he's quite hard to miss- and smacks him on the back. 

"Sollux, you do know that you don't start until Monday, right?" He chuckles.

"Oh, uh, Eridan wanted to thee the place." Sollux shrugs, "Eridan, thith ith Rufioh. He knowth my brother. Rufioh, thith ith the fiancé." 

Rufioh, who has a septum piercing and red hair, is unsurprisingly not phased. "Oh, the fiancé. Definitely an Ampora, I'd recognise that jaw line anywhere." 

"Wwhat?" 

"I knew Cronus back in the day. Now, I'll bet that he's still a bit of a sleazebag." 

Eridan wishes he could defend his brother. "Yeah." 

"Well, you two take care now. Have a good look around." Rufioh hurries off to deal with customers. With a shrug, Sollux takes Eridan's hands and shows him around the store. Apparently, this is where Sollux buys all his video games and its stacked full of them. Eridan is impressed that his boyfriend got a job. Though, most of the staff here seemed quirky enough so he should fit in just fine. For his sake, Eridan hopes he does fit in. 

After they've looked around and visited the nearby comic store (Sollux buys a whole bunch of Deadpool comics to occupy himself), they head home. 

It's the evening and Sollux is knelt on Dave and Karkat's mattress, leaning against his small, angry friend. Though he had no idea how two people that hurled insults back and forth, scowling the whole time, could be friends with each other, Eridan found their friendship to be amusing. And more than that, it was cute. There was nothing cuter than the proud look on Sollux's face when he made Karkat flame red with anger. 

Currently, they were playing Mario Kart and frankly, Sollux is just better. In the two hours that they've been playing, Karkat has won about one game to every three that Sollux has won. In other words, he's getting his ass kicked incredibly badly and it does nothing good for his temper. Karkat rages a lot whilst he's playing, snapping at anybody who so much as breathes in his direction. It's so funny that Eridan starts snickering into his fist in attempts to muffle his laughter, only to find Karkat turning to scream at him and therefore losing the game. Sollux is pumping his fist in the air, yelling something about Karkat sucking his dick. 

When Sollux glances in Eridan's direction, the Aquarius winks at him. 

"You're cheating!" Karkat accuses, "You hacked the game! Cheater!" 

"How the hell do you hack Mario Kart?" Sollux wonders aloud, stupid grin on his face, "Ith that even poththible?"

"I have no fucking clue but I bet you've found a way." Karkat elbows him hard in the side and Sollux falls off the mattress and onto the floor. And as they wrestle there, two grown men acting like twelve year old boys, Kankri sits on the couch with a loud and pointed sigh. When nobody glances at him, he sighs even louder. Eridan looks to him, raising an eyebrow. 

"When are the two of you going to stop acting like children?" Kankri questions, raising an eyebrow and gesturing to his brother on the floor, trying desperately to avoid getting Sollux's foot in his mouth. They're tangled together and honestly, Eridan wishes that he was in Karkat's position. Perhaps that's his arousal talking though. 

"When you start treating us like adults!" Karkat fumes.

"I do treat you like an adult." Kankri looks offended. His brother just rolls his eyes and smacks Sollux's console from his hands. 

"Bullshit." Dave says, from Eridan's other side, "Mr Vantas, you have nothing but treat us like children. You don't trust us to be in a room alone, despite the fact that I have informed you that Karkat and me barely participate in sexual activities. By that, I mean he rarely gets a bounce on my boner, if y'know what I mean." He clarifies, "I mean sex. Anyways, you don't let us cook or order our own food. You won't even let Karkat drive, despite the fact that he's midway through his twenties. I understand that you want to protect darling Karkles but jeez, let the kid breathe, why don't you?" 

It's the most that Eridan has heard him say since he met the man.

Kankri's ears turn red. "Karkat and I."

"What?" 

"The correct phrasing is Karkat and I, if you don't mind me correcting your grammar." Kankri inhales and exhales loudly, like a bull ready to charge. Dave is the literal red flag. Carefully, Eridan pats his therapist on the arm and gives him a "just leave it" look. 

Though, Eridan can't help and agree with Dave (something that he'd never thought would happen). He's known for a long time that Kankri seems to think of them all as his children or something, acting very much as the Mom of the group. Eridan knows that he enjoys it but Karkat is right, Kankri needs to treat them more like adults. Especially Karkat needs to be treated less like a ten year old because at this rate, he's not going to get a grip on his life with Kankri babying him. Making a note to tell Kankri to cool the Mom act, Eridan pushes the thought away. 

"Howw's it goin', Kan? Been busy today?" Kankri is one of those people who is always busy. 

"Cronus and I have been looking at some apartments with a local real estate agent. We've found some possible accommodations for our..." Kankri seems to search for a word before settling on the most obvious, "Family." He smiles a little at it and squeezes Eridan's arm.

"Vvery dysfunctional family." Eridan comments. 

"Perhaps so. But... I feel like everybody here has made me feel very welcome. Well... With some exceptions." Kankri gives Dave the evil eye, "And, as strange as it sounds, I do think of you all as my family. Especially you and Sollux, Eridan, you two are incredibly sweet to me. Thanks."

Dave pretends to retch. "What is this, a soppy young adult novel? Get over yourself, Vantas." 

Just like that, Kankri seems to clam up again and crosses his arms tightly across his chest. "Anyway, I was wondering if you would be willing to look some of the possible apartments over with me, Eridan? I highly value your opinion." 

"Oh, sure, don't ask me." Dave rolls his eyes, raising his sunglasses just to make sure that they notice, (Eridan files the bright red irises into his "questions to ask later" list), "As long as Eridan and you like it... Who cares what the rest of us think right?" Sollux and Karkat certainly don't seem to care because they're now sprawled on the mattress again, ignoring the entire conversation in favour of throwing potato chips at each other. The worst part is that Eridan knows they won't clean up the mess later and that he'll be finding chip crumbs under the couch for weeks. He needs cleaner roommates. 

"That isn't wwhat he wwas sayin', Davve-" 

"You can look if you like, Dave." Kankri says, stiffly and quickly. There's clearly some conflict between the two of them but Eridan really doesn't want to ask. Besides, Kankri seems to have conflict with just about everybody at the moment. Maybe something's going on with him. 

Without further discussion, Kankri stands and moves instead to the kitchen table. Dave follows and so does Eridan, to make sure they don't murder each other if nothing else. He makes sure to sit between them, eyeing both of them in turn. Helpfully, Kankri finds the advertisements for each apartment and shows them, sliding his laptop towards them. Dave seems cool with whatever, impressed by even the shabbiest apartments, even if he doesn't say so. Eridan wonders where he lived prior to living here and if it was really bad there. 

When it comes to apartments, Eridan is more picky. If they're going to get a new one, he's determined that they will get the best one if it means that he has to loan millions of dollars from his father. He's also determined to get everybody in a bed, as difficult as it might be, and not have anybody on just a mattress. 

"No, Kan, that one looks disgustin'. Look at that carpet. Bleh." 

"Eridan." Kankri uses his calm therapist voice to hide his annoyance, "So far, you haven't liked any of the twenty apartments that I've shown you. There's only one more and you better fall in love with it." He brightens a little, "I think you'll like it. It's a penthouse. It's nice. It's further in the city. The only problem is the price." 

"That's not a problem wwhen your father is Donovvan Ampora." 

Sure enough, Eridan adores it. He likes the shiny white outside of it, he likes that it's so close to the aquarium and he likes the size of the rooms. He likes the windows, which have an oldish vintage feel to them, and he likes the tiled kitchen floor. In short, he likes everything about it and he starts to grin. Is he really that predictable? 

"Vwhat are vwe lookin' at?" Cronus swings the door open and swaggers over. He takes one look at the laptop screen and one look at Eridan's face before sighing, "I told you he'd go for the most expensiwve one, chief." He strangles Eridan in a one-armed hug in typical Ampora fashion, "I knovw my brother." Eridan makes a choking noise but his elder brother doesn't take a hint. 

"I wwant to see it properly first." Eridan says, "And I wwant my lawwyer checkin' it out too." 

"Ya just like Dad." Cronus chuckles, squeezing him tightly. 

"We didn't have a lawyer last time I checked." Dave says. 

"It wwas a joke. But I seriously wwant a solicitor to talk to before wwe rush into buyin' apartments." 

"Call TZ!" Sollux yells from where he's sprawled on the ground, Karkat pinning him down and cursing, "Thhe can give you advice. Thhe'th read a whole bunch of law bookth!" 

"When can we see this apartment, Mr Vantas, sir?" Dave might be being sarcastic but it's hard to tell because his voice seems to lack human emotions. He's probably joking. Eridan thinks. Uh.

"Sometime this week, perhaps next week?" Kankri shrugs, "Mr Strider, I'd appreciate you not taking a tone like that with me." 

"Yessir." Dave salutes. 

Kankri scowls.


	30. ACT THREE: Part Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Culture festivals are totally a thing >:P
> 
> Happy Monday!!

"It really, really hurtth." Sollux whines again, earning groans of annoyance from everybody else in the room. But, actually, they aren't the ones that have had tiny bits of metal and plastic glued to their teeth because their boyfriend insisted that they had to. According to his dentist, the braces he had gotten when he was ten or eleven had done their job too well and given him an awful overbite. And now, he had these hideous things in his mouth to correct that. Luckily, it didn't make his lisp any worse. At least, he didn't think so.

"You've mentioned that, Sollux, about half a million times." Kankri sighs, from where he's typing on his laptop. He's sat on the couch, leaning his back against his boyfriend as he works, apparently working on some files for his other clients. He has other clients, who knew? Sollux didn't even know when he found the time to work, since he always seemed to busy with some event or another.

_"But it hurts!"_

Rolling his eyes, Karkat looks up from his phone. "Seriously, can you just shut that ugly trap you call a mouth for five seconds? My brain can't handle anymore of your whining crap, I can feel it rolling around in my head like a bowling ball. You hear that? That's the sound of my brain screaming quietly because you won't stop complaining. Can you just suck it up already? You're acting like a twelve year old."

"A twelve year old with braceth, maybe." Sollux grumbles, "Thith ith jutht like middle thchool all over again. Where'th my boyfriend? Why ithn't he comforting me?" He's sitting against the wall, his knees pulled up so that he can rest his head on them. His mouth is so incredibly sore and Eridan is absent from the scene.

"Jesus, the man's life doesn't revolve around you." Dave says, "He's at that interview with that big science company. Lalonde Corporations."

"Doesn't that company belong to your sister's side of the family?" Karkat wonders aloud, playing piano tiles on his phone as he speaks, "FUCK!" That's the sound of him missing a tile and losing his game.

"Yes, belongs to the Lalonde half of the Lalonde-Strider family." Dave shrugs, "Nothing to do with me, my side of the family runs an amateur porn company."

"That really isn't something that I needed to know." Kankri winces.

"That's somethin' that I needed to knovw." Cronus winks.

"You're disgusting." Kankri says.

"Yeah, I knovw."

Sollux lets out a loud sigh, wondering how his boyfriend is doing. He can't exactly text him and ask, since he's pretty sure people aren't allowed to text during job interviews. It wasn't like he'd ever been to a professional job interview for a big company. At his interview, he just kinda walked into the store and asked Rufioh if he could have the job. And Rufioh asked if he knew the differences between a PS3 and a PS4 and he said yeah and he got hired.

He's been working there for two weeks now and it's surprisingly easy, making him wonder why he never went for a job before. Though he has to stack some shelves, his job mainly means that he points confused parents in the direction of correct consoles and finding the games that kids are after nowadays. Sometimes, he even gets to work the cash register. Apparently, Rufioh thinks he's doing a really good job of all of this. To be honest, Rufioh is a pretty good guy and so is the rest of the staff. They spend a lot of time after work sitting around and talking about games and comics and Star Wars. It's kind of a dream for Sollux, since Eridan doesn't really "get" gaming unless it's a shooter of some kind.

Sollux is working Monday to Friday, from ten till five and it's not much money but it's better than earning nothing, right? Plus- and this is Eridan's thought, not his- it's good for him to get out of the apartment and talk to other people. Sollux is handing a lot of shit well right now, including nailing his current emotional state down. He's even learning to control his impulses a little. It's been a while since he did anything that Eridan refers to as "odd".

"When are we moving into the new apartment?" Sollux asks Kankri.

It's been checked out and payments have been discussed, he knows that much.

"We need to exchange keys with the lady selling the apartment. We also need to convince somebody to buy this... Place." Kankri gestures to the mould growing on the wall, "It's going to be difficult. We need to find somebody desperate enough to purchase it." He bites his lip, "No offence."

"No, I know it's a thhithole." Sollux assures him, "It's going to look even worthe, when we take the furniture out. Tho, when do you think we'll be moving?"

"Definitely within the month." Kankri says, "Any later than that and the deal falls through."

"Cool."

Standing up and stretching, Kankri yawns. Now that he's stood up, Sollux can see that he's wearing another one of Cronus's shirts over his stupid leggings. Honestly, he didn't think that they were going to end up dating long-term. What a strange pair. "I'm going to make some green tea. Would anybody else like some?"

"If you're putting the kettle on, can you make me thome inthtant noodleth?" Sollux calls after him as he heads into the kitchen.

"Seconded." Karkat and Dave say at the same time. Dave nudges his boyfriend and mutters something.

"Cronus?" Kankri sighs.

"I'll take some coffee, chief."

As assigned drink/noodle maker, Kankri puts the kettle on and gets to work. He looks so oddly at home bustling around in the kitchen that it's kind of surprising. Though, Sollux thinks, judging by how shitty their dad was, he'd guess that Kankri kind of took charge in the Vantas household most of the time. Speaking of which, Kankri's bruises were finally starting to fade, which was good because he'd rarely left the house since Karkat had told him that it looked like he'd smacked his face into a brick wall. Kankri had spent a lot more time in the kitchen recently. Apparently, cooking did a lot to calm his frazzled nerves.

Meanwhile, Karkat puts his phone down and leans against his boyfriend instead, closing his eyes. "I'm not kidding, I've got such a goddamn headache. You guys have aspirin here, right?"

"I think we're all out." Sollux says, knowing goddamn well that he's chewed them all in the past few months, "Bethideth, we only had the thtrong thort."

"Fuck, you think you'd have aspirin in a apartment with a migraine sufferer."

"You have been lithtening to me moan, haven't you?" Sollux says, in mild amusement, "I feel like our friendthhip hath jutht evolved a little. Like a Pokemon."

"Oh my god, I hate you so fucking much." Karkat groans, "Why am I friends with such a group of nerds?"

"Because you're a nerd too." Cronus suggests.

"Shut it, Zuko." Lazily, Karkat raises his middle finger at him before letting his arm flop back down, "Ugh, this is so dull. Are we really just going to lie around all day like a bunch of no-lives?"

"Brainstorm: what are we going to do today?" Kankri says, reappearing with a tray of mugs like some kind of noodle based saviour; he sounds so much like an elementary teacher that it's kinda painful, "Quickfire round: Sollux, go." He hands him a cup of noodles and a fork.

"How about we rewatch all the Thtar Warth movieth?" Everybody groans, except Dave who has his poker-face on, "How about we watch them in the Machete order?" That earns a louder groan and even Dave rolls his eyes. "Fine. Your idea, Dave?"

"Ironically visiting strip clubs." He says, taking his noodles from Kankri and stuffing half of them in his mouth, "Or ironically watching Space Jam. Best movie. Ironic nail painting. Irony, no? No. You're all staring. Karkat, your turn."

"I suggest that we leave this shithole and go out somewhere. We could hit the mall." Groan. "Or an ice cream parlour." Groan. "Or the park." Sollux throws a pillow at his friend's head. "Well, let it be known that I tried. What's your idea, slimeball?"

Cronus is sipping coffee, trying to appear thoughtful. "What if we went bowling?"

"Now, that's an idea that I like." Karkat says, "Very sitcom."

"Much dull." Sollux puts in, "Everybody knowth that bowling getth boring after a few roundth. Anybody know any concertth or anything? I feel the urge to throw my underwear at hot band members." When nobody says anything, he's forced to add, "I'm kidding. Let's go to Starbucks or a carnival or something."

Kankri claps his hands together. "There's a festival in the next town over! They're celebrating... I don't know, I think it's some kind of culture festival. You were telling me about it, Sollux, remember?"

All heads turn back to Sollux. "Oh, yeah. People were talking about it at work. Apparently, there'th going to be Athian food. People were athking what they eat in Thouth Korea."

"Vwhat do people eat in South Korea?" Cronus wonders.

"Fuck if I know. I've never been there." He shrugs, "Anyway, apparently there'th going to be fireworkth and food and thtuff. Wrong time of the year for it, honethtly, but I guethth it'ith pretty late at night. You guyth wanna hit it up?"

"Sure." Karkat says, "I'm sure the cure for my headache is to go into a crowded place and listen to the loud bangs of fireworks." Regardless, he gets up anyway and eats his noodles as he looks for his jacket. Slowly, everybody begins to pull their shit together and Sollux texts Terezi to see if she wants to come too. After all, he did promise that he'd hang out with her sometime soon. She texts back and says to pick her up in ten minutes and they all climb into the Mom Van. Luckily, they all fit easy.

"How are thingth between you and LT?" Sollux leans forward to talk to Kankri, who is in the passenger seat.

"Awkward. Definitely... Awkward." Kankri says, gritting his teeth, "It's been awkward ever since I reduced Mituna to tears. Somebody told her about it and she called me about it. She was really mad at me. Called me a pretentious douchebag that needed to mind my own business."

"Harthh." Sollux winces.

"It's been like this ever since high school. I told her that I liked her and suddenly, I wasn't her friend anymore. She didn't like me hanging around with her. I spent a lot of high school on my own after that." Kankri sighs, "I don't even like her anymore. I haven't liked her in years."

"That's vwhat I'm confused about." Cronus says, "Because, babe, honestly, I didn't think you vwere into chicks?"

"I'm kinda... Uh..." Kankri mumbles something never his breath.

"What?"

"I'm kind of, uh, pan." He says, louder, "You know, pansexual. I don't think regard gender as something that should prevent me from being attracted to someone. If I like somebody, I like them and that's the end of it." He breathes heavily, "I guess I just came out to all of you, huh? Funny, I've never told anyone that before. Not even Porrim or Kurloz."

"Good man." Sollux pats him on the shoulder.

"Pan-five?" Dave leans forward and holds out his hand for a high-five. Kankri obliges. He even manages a small smile. Huh.

Meanwhile, Sollux- giving directions- spots the cafe coming up on the right.

"Cronus, that'th the place, pull over!" The car screeches to a sudden halt and Sollux makes a sound that's halfway between a yell and a swallow, a sort of panicked choking noise, closing his eyes tightly, "JETHUTH, LEARN TO DRIVE, WHY DON'T YOU?"

He falls back into his seat, breathing heavily. He's fully aware of Kankri's gaze bearing into him but the therapist doesn't say anything as Sollux recollects himself, taking deep breaths. He keeps his eyes closed for a long moment before opening them and glancing around at his friends. Nobody dares meet his eyes. He forgot how frightening it could be when people drove as recklessly as he did. Nobody says anything but Kankri and Cronus exchange seats and he's grateful for it.

He heads over to the cafe, where Latula is yelling for her sister to hurry up and get her ass downstairs. It's been a long time since Sollux has seen either of the Pyropes and he's surprised when they both grin widely at him. Latula pulls him into a quick hug and squeezes him tightly and he wonders if she sees Mituna in him. He's been told that they look quite alike- but there again, they're the only Korean siblings in the neighbourhood so maybe that's more to do with racism. Anyway, he's released from her tight grip and Terezi bounces up and throws her arms around him too.

She's dressed, as usual, in shockingly bright colours with Marvel heroes printed on most of her items of clothing. Even her shoes are Superman. For many years, they have argued Marvel vs. DC and he's suddenly glad that he wore his Batman shirt today.

"Mr Appleberry, it's been forever!" She grins that familiar bat-shit insane grin at him.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Thorry about that. But I've pulled my thhit together now."

She looks exactly how he remembers her with her milky eyes, which are surprisingly white against her dark skin, but her frizzy hair is tied tightly in place. She hasn't lost any of her baby fat and she's all curves and wobbly bits. Her cane is being waved in the air like a sword, her jacket tied around her shoulders like a cape, as she fumbles her way to the Mom Van and climbs into the backseat. She waves to Latula and so does Sollux.

The older Pyrope waves at them eagerly but her eyes look a little sad. Sollux gives her a hopefully apologetic smile and prays that Kankri keeps his ass in the car. And he slams the minivan door shut behind him and Kankri starts driving before he's even buckled his seatbelt.

"Hey TZ." Dave pokes her, "Sup?"

_"Dave!"_ She squeals excitedly, "And-" She stretches out her hands and prods a disgruntled Karkat, _"Karkles!"_

"You all know each other, excellent." Kankri says, "Good evening, Miss Pyrope."

"Good evening, Fellow Warrior of Justice." She says it as if it's his title, "Who's driving then?"

"'Ey, babe." Cronus turns to smirk.

"Cronus is my boyfriend." Kankri tells her, "Unfortunately."

"Chief, c'mon."

Kankri laughs. It's a rarely heard, soft sound.

The rest of the drive is Karkat screaming at his boyfriend, whilst Dave makes quiet comments that Sollux can't hear from his seat. Probably provocative remarks. Kankri grips the wheel tighter and tighter, Cronus starts smoking much to Sollux's displeasure. He claws at the leg of his pants, swallowing hard to quench his urges to yank the cigarette from him and take a long drag from it. He knows that Eridan would most likely kill him if he took up smoking again. But he _needs_. It's been so long.

Somehow, he manages to control himself until Kankri parks and he stumbles out, taking breaths of fresh air and coughing. He waits for Dave and Karkat to disperse, Terezi bouncing along after them. Kankri mumbles something about Spanish food and disappears into the crowd quickly, too small to be seen.

Once they're out of sight, Sollux gives in. Crumbling, he takes his pack from his jacket pocket and pulls out a cigarette. These are old ones, left over from when Aradia hung out with him. They're the ones that she liked. And he holds it out to Cronus, who lights it for him, watching him curiously. Then, he puts it to his lips and inhales heavily, leaning against the car. To say that it's like breathing would be a lie because it feels as if his lungs are being squeezed and he has to take it away from his mouth to cough. But it lights something inside of him.

"Vwhat did I tell you about stayin' avway from these things, Cap?" Cronus sighs, blowing smoke as he does, "Filthy habit, y'knovw?"

"You do it." Sollux says, defiantly.

"That's different, you're only a kid. Don't throvw your life avway."

"I already have."

With a sad sigh, Cronus reaches over and ruffles his hair like his dad does. "You hawven't. I knovw you think you hawve but you can pull this back. I knovw you can. You're doing it already. Pullin' your shit together. Proud of you, Cap." And for a brief, brief moment, Sollux can see the resemblance between Cronus and Eridan.

There's a moment of silence, both of them ignoring each other.

Eventually, Cronus speaks. "So, I see he's crossdressin' again."

"Yup. Heard you thaved hith athth latht time he did that."

"Dad vwould hawve kicked him out of the house. And he vwas just a little kid, for gods sake. Besides, I don't knovw if you'wve noticed but I'm a pretty liberal douchebag. If the kid vwants to play dress-up, let him. I can't say that I didn't use to do the same." He shrugs.

Sollux chokes. "What?"

The image of Cronus in a skirt flashes through his mind.

"Anyvway, you better take good care of him. Y'knovw, people might say things about him and you gotta be there to kick their sorry asses."

"I know." It occurs to Sollux how startlingly similar him and Cronus can be sometimes; maybe that's why they clash so much, "How'th thingth with you and KK?"

"It's goin' pretty good. He's a damn cutie, y'knovw? Sometimes, I ewven vwonder if I'm good enough for him in the first place. He's such a good person, despite fuckin' up a lot." Cronus taps his cigarette to get rid of the ash, "There's definitely somethin' goin' on vwith him though. I don't vwant to push him to tell me... But I don't vwant to see him miserable either, y'knovw."

"I thought he wath upthet about LT."

"I feel like it's more than that. But vwhat do I knovw?" Cronus drops his cigarette and runs a hand through his hair, slicking it back, "Anyvway, as fun as it is to hang out vwith you and hawve a feelin' jam, I gotta go find my midget of a boyfriend. You better go find that bat-shit friend of yours, chief. Once she starts drinkin', she's gonna be crazy."

"You think?"

"I knovw a crazy drinker vwhen I see one. You're one yourself, y'knovw? I still hawve flashbacks to you pukin' all owver me that time. Thanks for that." Cronus winces, "Do us all a fawvour tonight and don't drink, kid. Novw, get lost." He takes the cigarette from Sollux's hand and shoos him away, until he reluctantly stamps off to find out where Terezi has disappeared off to.

As it turns out, she's hiding out in the Japanese corner of the festival and has already been painted from head-to-toe in henna and several ribbons and beads braided into her hair. Now, she's trying several different kinds of sushi with her chopsticks. Honestly, sushi just reminds Sollux of that awkward date with Eridan and he feels kind of sick just looking at it. Still, he creeps up on Terezi and wraps his arms around her from behind.

She doesn't just yell, she roars like a dragon.

"It'th me." He tells her.

"I know." Either she doesn't know how many people are staring (likely) or she just doesn't care (also likely), "Hey Sollux. You smell like chemicals. I thought you'd given up smoking."

"I don't want to talk about it. I like what you've done with your hair." He tugs on a bright red braid lightly and she pretends to hiss at him, flicking him with a chopstick, "Thith ith very nice, Pyrope."

"Thanks, metalmouth. When'd you get those braces anyway?" How the hell did she even know?

"A few dayth ago."

"They're almost as bad as your old ones. Why'd you need them again anyway?"

"They reckon my old oneth didn't work properly. Gave me more of an overbite. Thethe oneth are definitely going to thtraight out my teeth. Eridan wantth them to look nice for the wedding. Thayth I have to bruthh them and everything."

"Lame. Speaking of which, where's your boyfriend? I wanted to humiliate you and tell him all the stories about when we were little kids. Like that time you hid under the couch for nine hours after we watched that episode of Doctor Who? And your dad had to drag you out screaming?"

Sollux shushes her, hoping that nobody heard that. Thankfully, nobody was so much as looking at them. "God, you're the wortht."

"I aim to be. You wanna go and get your hair braided?"

Before he can protest, he's being dragged off by an overexcited girl. It's true that him and Terezi have been friends since literally forever, practically brother and sister. They met in kindergarten and the rest had been history. She had at his house almost every day after school, since her Mom worked a lot and wanted her out of the way anyway. Sollux's dads babysat her and in return, Miss Pyrope... Uh, did literally nothing for them. But nobody minded because Terezi and Latula were good fun.

Throughout elementary school, they'd watched movies meant for people much older than them, daring each other to watch horror movies, (which was a mistake because Sollux was always too scared to go to the bathroom on his own after and had to drag Terezi with him. She was much braver than him. No monsters were gonna attack them whilst she was there) and tried to build a treehouse in Sollux's backyard. It was the lamest treehouse, a few planks lodged across a few branches, but it had seemed impressive back then. Terezi saw it as a courtroom and everybody else played along- she was kinda in charge, since Latula liked to humour her and Sollux may or may not have been slightly in awe of her. Mituna didn't speak much then and didn't voice his opinion.

During middle school, she'd been there to tease him about his braces and destroy him constantly in Pokemon battles and flick erasers at him during math classes. She'd stolen his glasses constantly, for what reason he didn't even know, and danced around with them perched on her nose. Terezi had liked to dance and had dragged him to all the school dances, shameless in glittery clothing and purple eyeshadow. She'd insisted on covering him in glitter too and he was a pushover. He'd always been a pushover when it came to girls. Later, Terezi had been there to coax him outside when nobody could. When he wasn't willing to leave the house, she can inside and kicked his ass at video games.

But when high school had come, things had changed. Sollux always had some exam or test to prepare for, shutting himself up inside to work, knowing he'd do badly if he didn't study. He'd fallen in love with a girl who seemed impossibly beautiful and Terezi had introduced them. And Aradia had become his girlfriend and things had been wonderful but they had also been terrible. He'd sunk to a very low point in his life and had even drunk paint thinner at one point- that was both gross and depressing. Looking back, he doesn't even know why he was so upset. He shouldn't have been, his life was easy sailing. Just his fucked up brain's fault, he guesses. And he'd abandoned Terezi, had no time for her, until Aradia had died.

Then, he'd gone sobbing to her and she'd held him whilst he cried. She held onto him tightly and that was one of the only thing he could remember from those blacker than pitch weeks. Next thing he knew, he was moving out of his parent's place, cutting himself off from everybody he used to know. He didn't think he'd ever see Terezi again, having practically forgotten about her.

Now, sitting beside her whilst having braids knotted into his short hair, he wonders how he ever forgot. She's chattering non-stop, showing off some bracelet he got from some girl who's name he didn't catch. Some girl who liked blue. He was distracted. God, he had been shitty to her in high school. When she drags him off to find the others, having heard rumours of fireworks at midnight, he stops her for a second.

"TZ... You wanna take a picture?"

"You mean, like a selfie? I mean... Yeah, if you want to. I thought you didn't like taking pictures of yourself."

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and clicks onto camera. "Well, I'm a lot hotter now. You're miththing out on the thight of my thexy body."

Terezi laughs and pokes him in the ribs and that's when he leans in next to her and snaps a picture of them. He makes a note to print and frame it to join their other pictures in the main room. Terezi deserves a spot on that shelf as much as anybody else.

After that, she's dragging him on and quickly, they meet up with the others back by Kankri's minivan. Sat on the roof of it is a giggling Karkat, with his boyfriend lying beside them. Even from here, Sollux can tell that they've had a few drinks because both of them are flushed and grinning wider than they'd normally let anybody else see. Dave actually looks human and flustered and happy and there's proof that there is a real guy under the poker face. Cronus is leaning in the same spot he was earlier, making Sollux wonder if he's so much as moved all evening. Beside him, Kankri is beaming up at him at something he said.

"Guys, we're here." Terezi announces, "You can stop making me fifth-wheel now."

Grinning, Kankri draws back from his boyfriend and heads over to them. And he wraps an arm around Sollux's shoulders, which is surprisingly affectionate for Vantas. "Eridan called. He's on his way. He sounded excited about something, so prepare to congratulate him."

"Did you guys hear that they're going to do fireworks at midnight? It's like New Year but it's May. Shit, I love festivals like this. I feel so cultured right now." Terezi's cackling, "I'm so glad you invited me, Sollux. Nobody ever asks me anywhere."

Sollux resolves to ask her to join them more often.

And then, relaxing on the grass and watching the stars, they wait for the clock to strike midnight like a bunch of losers on New Year. Sollux can still remember the start of the New Year, which he spent in the hospital with Eridan draping confetti over his head and kissing him relentlessly. That was nice but this is better and he resolves to try and make every day feel as pleasant and warm and summery as this one does.

Naturally, Eridan makes an appearance in time for fireworks, worming his way through the crowd towards them. He's wearing his best clothes, obviously having come straight here from the interview, but plonks himself down on Sollux's lap anyway. Impressively, he only complains about the ground being dirty and ruining his clothes once. He's in a good mood and judging by that smug look on his face, the interview went well. As a well done, Sollux kisses him and he swears his boyfriend flinches. He says nothing and his smile falters only a second.

_It was only one cigarette_ , Sollux wants to say, but he doesn't dare.

"You got a job?" Sollux guesses.

"You bet I did. You're lookin' at a chemist for Lalonde Corporations." Eridan says, "Look at us, gettin' jobs and shit. Wwe're like proper adults." Somehow, Sollux doubts that.

"Shut up, you idiots." Terezi attaches herself to Sollux's arm, "I want to hear the fireworks."

On cue, bright and loud fireworks start to explode overhead.

And Eridan leans in and kisses him again, his hands resting on Sollux's shoulders.

And Sollux grins like a complete loser.


	31. [S]: ARADIA'S LETTERS

_Dear Mom,  
You always seem to be mad at me these days and I'm not really sure why. I think it might be because you don't really like me, because you're disappointed in me. Why? I don't know. But whatever it is, I don't think that I can fix it. _

_Recently, I've been feeling awfully empty, as if I'm a ghost or a robot or something. Does that make sense to you, since you seem to be an emotionless and harsh woman most of the time? (I think that's a fair judgement to make). Anyway, I don't really feel like myself anymore. I think it might be because Kurloz put me on stronger drugs to help fight the pain. Honestly, I was expecting them to help me control my emotions and mood swings a little. Instead, I don't seem to feel anything at all and it's a little unnerving._

_Right now, I don't feel anything at all. It's as if my emotions have be numbed and I don't seem to care very much any more. I think that's why I can finally summon up the courage to write this letter to you. Because I can't bring myself to care anymore._

_After this, I've just got to write a letter to Sollux and then, everything will finally be over. I'll be able to sign my name and everything will be over and I'll feel better again! I'm sure of it. At least... I'll feel something. Something. Anything but this nothingness._

_I know that you don't approve of Sollux, though I'm not really sure why. He's not any different from me really and he's nowhere near as bad as Damara. I've never seen him kick somebody in the face with his stiletto heels before. In fact, I don't even think he owns any stiletto heels._

_Maybe you don't like him because you've spent your life warning me to stay away from men. This always surprised me because you're constantly bringing boyfriends over for weeks at a time before kicking them out again. I don't know, is your life so bad that you don't want me to fuck up mine in the same way?_

_There's something huge that I need to tell you but I'm not sure if I can find the words to write them down. See, there's this-_

Line after line of sentences have been scribbled out angrily, making the words unreadable. Some of them have been scrawled over enough times to tear holes in the page. At the bottom of the page, however, the letter continues.

_I'd also like to apologise for all the times that I lied to you. I'm sorry but it had to be done. I couldn't tell you about all of these things because I was ashamed and scared of what you would think. But, thinking back, I'm sure that you wouldn't really mind. After all, you do meet Terezi's Mom an awful lot and I know the things that you do together._

_I love you, Mom._

_Please forgive me._

_Aradia x_

Damara Megido sat down in front of the mirror that hung over her desk and stared into her own dark eyes. She didn't like what she saw there, not really. She didn't like the sadness and the darkness that hung over her, which was why she preferred to keep up her usual snarky attitude and pretend that everything was okay.

Regardless, she brushed back the long dark hair that was hanging in front of her face and clipped it back out of her face. If there was one thing she did like about herself, it was her face. She had big brown eyes, sharp eyebrows, high cheekbones, pouted red lips. These were all the things that she loved about herself and she liked to show them off, since she had very little going for her elsewhere. She tied her long hair up in a bun, tying it with a ribbon, and poking her usual chopsticks in. She made sure that the sharp edges stuck out.

"Perfect." Because if she kept telling herself that she was, maybe it would become true. She sure hoped that it would become true someday. When she's deemed herself to look acceptable, she grabs her satchel and heads out to work. During the days, she worked at a department store and stacked shelves (she had to quit her job answering 911 calls after that one about Sollux, which had given her nightmares). During the night, she worked the street corners with her revealing clothes and beckoning fingers. There was something about her dominant attitude that drew in men and women alike. It had always been that way.

Today, she had to work stacking shelves at a local department store though, so she'd have to think about her fun later. Whilst she worked here, she had to wear less revealing clothes; skirts that graced the knee, shirts that covered her flat stomach. All piercings were to be removed, all tattoos to be covered, and no pancake chest could be flaunted. That was what her close friends often called her as a joke- _pancake chest_ \- and it was true enough. Where her sister had been curvy, Damara was lacking much shape and it was frustrating. It was so unfair that her chest should be so flat and ugly looking.

"Good morning, Damara."

Caught by surprise, she spins and finds that Kurloz Makara of all the people is standing behind her on the sidewalk. He's somebody that she knew vaguely in high school, took to bed once or twice at best, but she'd had very little interest in him. She knew very little about him, except that he had been Aradia's therapist and that he liked to play creepy music whilst she had him pinned against the bed. They had fought a lot for dominance and she bristles at the thought, hoping that the thoughts aren't playing across her face.

"I help you, Makara?" She raises a pointed eyebrow, looking skeptical, "You come to look through my house again? I need to go work. Some of us need money, yes?"

"I just thought that I would walk you to work." Kurloz shrugs and begins to walk alongside her, not giving her a chance to protest. Honestly, she doesn't have time to protest because she'll run late if she stops for much longer. Besides, she supposes that he can walk her. After all, it won't do any harm to have some company this morning.

"But what is the... How you say, ulterior motive?" She knows exactly how to say ulterior motive and she knows what it means. Surprisingly, Damara is quite fluent in English and can write very well in it too. When they immigrated here, she had to learn very fast because she needed to try her best to fit in with the other children at her school. She had been ten years old though and the damage had been done- people already made fun of her and tugged on her long hair, demanding to know why she had come to their country. At first, she'd cried and begged them to stop.

By middle school, she had toughened and learnt to shoot glares at anyone that came near her. She had also learnt that teachers never bothered with the Japanese girl with the broken English, thinking that she was a complete idiot, so she kept up the pretence to get through high school easily. It meant that she had special classes with a teaching assistant that thought Damara was from the Philippines and didn't have to spend too much time with the other children. So, she spoke the broken English and got a relatively easy ride in life. People thought she was stupid but at least, they left her alone and only whispered cruel words out of earshot.

The only downside was the nasty looks that she got from her neighbours. She knew that they had their fingers poised over the call button on the telephone, waiting to report her to the police if she put a single foot out of line. The neighbours didn't really like the Megidos and wanted to get rid of them in any way that they could. So, Damara made an effort to stick to the rules and smile sickeningly at the people who lived next door and made sure that nobody saw her leave the house late at night.

"There isn't an ulterior motive, sister." Kurloz assures her, as they turn the corner together, "I just feel as if you don't spend enough time with other people. And I think it's a strain on your mental health. I am a therapist, remember?"

"I have plenty of friends." She snaps at him because she does, she has a group of tight friends that she met at the various anime clubs she's attended. And perhaps a few of them are old dates turned to friends but that's good enough for her.

"And I understand that." Damara is suddenly remembering why she hates this man so much, "But I was in the neighbourhood and thought that you'd enjoy some company. I was also meant to give you..." He pulls a sheet of folded paper from his pocket, "This, the next time that I saw you. Terezi told me to give it to you." He hands it to Damara, "Give it a look."

Eyeing him suspiciously, she unfolds the piece of paper and finds that it's a flyer for their local Pride Parade. She's heard that it has been moved to this month but she hasn't thought about attending. She hasn't attended one of these stupid things since she was fifteen years old- since she thought that love could last- and she doesn't intend to start again now. And she tells Kurloz so, shoving the piece of paper back into his hands.

"What you trying to say about me?" She raises an eyebrow, "I sleep with few girls and you think that I'm a queer?"

"Is that such a bad thing?" Kurloz raises an eyebrow right back at her.

"No, no. My sister was pan. I don't think anything wrong with it." Damara shrugs, "I don't go to things like this." Luckily, they were steadily approaching the crappy department store that she worked at. Consciously, she adjusted the name badge that was pinned to her chest.

"Okay. But consider it, at least." Kurloz says, "I thought you'd be interested to know that they have an Intersex flag nowadays. It's pretty nice-looking." He looks at her pointedly and she glances away, staring at where a newspaper is lying soaking wet in the gutter and the words smeared. The picture on the front is distorted. Of course, she knows that Kurloz knew about her genitalia but still, it's strange to hear her speak about it so bluntly. Do they really have a flag for her nowadays? That's nice to hear, after years of getting beaten up over her dick.

For a moment, she considers saying that she'll join them; him and Terezi and their entire group of friends, no doubt.

Instead, she rolls her eyes and heads inside.

Terezi may want her there but nobody else would.

* * *

  **PHONECALL, April 30th 2012, 3:45AM:**

**SC: - fuck, oh fuck, Kurloz, help me, please help, she won't wake up, she won't wake up-**

**KM: Sollux?**

**SC: She's not waking up, she's not waking up, oh god, we need to go back.**

**KM: Sollux, what's wrong?**

**SC: Kurloz, you have to help me. It's Aradia, I can't wake her up and I think she's hurting. I think she's bleeding. Jeez, I think she's hurt. Please, help me-**

**KM: Tell me what's going on. You've got to tell me what's going on, Sollux, or I can't help you.**

**SC: Fuck, we crashed and- I think- I think-**

**KM: Are you injured?**

**SC: No, I'm okay.**

**KM: But Aradia's hurt?**

**SC: I CAN'T WAKE HER UP.**

**KM: Okay, Sollux. We're going to take deep breaths, okay? Deep breaths. In and out.**

**[PAUSE]**

**KM: That's good. You're good. Now, tell me where you are.**

**SC: [ADDRESS OMITTED]**

**KM: Okay, calm down, I'm coming to pick you up.**

**SC: Please hurry, I don't think she's breathing-**

* * *

 By now, Terezi is completely sure that Aradia's death was intentional. She's even started to referring to it as a suicide in conversation, though Kurloz shushes her every time and reminds her that they are in a public place.

Indeed, today they have come to an ice cream shop so that Terezi can eat her way through her apparently weekly cherry sundae. They are sat in the booth that's by the window, so that they can stare out of the large window at people passing by. Well, Kurloz can and Terezi can pretend as if she can. She likes to pretend that she's no different from anybody else, Kurloz has learnt over the past few weeks.

Even when they aren't investigating the Megido case, him and Terezi have taken to hanging out together. When she found out that he'd seen so little of the town despite living here so long, she insisted on giving him a tour of sorts and showed him all the most important spots. Like her old elementary school where she went blind and the place that her and Vriska Serket hung out when they were just little kids. Kurloz is realising now that she talks about Vriska Serket an awful lot and he starts to suspect that there is a reason that Terezi is so jealous of Aradia. When he asks her about it, she just shrugs and doesn't say anything. She is uncomfortable, so he doesn't press the subject.

As if she can read his mind, (he's ninety percent sure that she can), Terezi elbows him.

"What is it, sis- Terezi?" He asks, curious.

"Did I show you the bracelet that Vriska gave me when I went to visit her?" Terezi waves her wrist at him proudly, where a beaded bracelet clings against her wrist, "It's blue and it's expensive. She said that she didn't want it anymore, so I could have it."

"I swear that you're obsessed with that goddamn girl." Kurloz rolls his eyes.

Terezi just sticks her tongue out, piercing glistening in the light as she waggles it at him.

Anyway, they meet every week at the very least and Kurloz would even go as far as to call them fast friends. He now knows an uncanny amount about her and her older sister alike. He also knows the rumours about just about everybody in the neighbourhood because Terezi Pyrope is one of those people that just knows everything about everyone. For somebody that knows so many people, she doesn't seem to have that many friends. She's always so happy to meet Kurloz, often hugging him as soon as they meet, mentioning how much she's missed him. And she's good fun, Terezi, really good fun. He likes hanging out with her a lot too.

In return for everything, he tells her about everything that's going on within his suddenly less than tight group of... Friends. He hesitates call them that because he knows that clients or associates would probably be a more appropriate term. Regardless, he tells her about the phone calls that he keeps receiving from Damara Megido and how Sollux seems to be coping a lot better and how Kankri is a lot happier now that he has Cronus around. She's interested to hear more about Damara and how she's been feeling pretty low recently and next thing he knows, Terezi is insisting on taking a cake over to her house to cheer her up. Damara looked confused when they turned up last week with a badly made cake but she seemed amused, at the very least.

Terezi pokes him. "Hey. Now that we're sure about Aradia's suicide, what are we supposed to look into now?"

"I guess we find out if they killed- fuck, I mean injured- your Mom."

"Then, what?"

"I don't know. We file a report and declare the case closed?" Kurloz shrugs, "You're the one that's seen all the detective movies, don't you know?"

"I haven't SEEN any movies." Terezi pulls a face, "But from what I've HEARD, we should bring the criminal to justice!"

"This isn't a movie, there are no criminals. There's just people that made mistakes."

"Good point." She's got ice cream smeared all over her face but she's still eating enthusiastically, "But I still want some justice."

"You're obsessed with the idea of justice." He rolls his eyes.

"What can I say? I'm a lady of the law." She cackles; until she suddenly seems to remember something and sobers up, "Hey, do you want to come somewhere cool with me on Thursday? I mean, Latula's meant to be taking me but she's working and I don't want to take the bus..." She picks at the hem of her red shorts.

"It would depend on where "somewhere cool" is." Kurloz says, "You didn't mention that you were going on an important trip on Thursday." Which is odd, because she's talked about just about everything in the universe, it seems.

"Ah, this is something important and personal." She taps the side of her nose with a grin, "And it's kind of a long story. First, we need to go back to the cafe so that I can show you something. Just trust me on this, it's kind of important to me." And without giving him a choice, she ditched her all but empty ice cream and grabs him by the arm. As always, she's dragging along fast enough that he has to jog a little to keep up with her.

Luckily, the cafe isn't far because they didn't want to stray much from it but it's enough that he's out of breath by the time that they get back. Whatever she wants to show him, she's clearly eager about it because she doesn't wait a single second before letting him in and leading him through to the apartment.

They wave at Latula as they pass.

Terezi. "Tula! I'm gonna show Kurloz some stuff!"

Latula. "Cool dude. Don't go in my room, 'kay?"

Terezi. "Why, whatcha hiding in there?"

Latula. "Just don't touch my stuff."

Then, he's lead up the stairs into the apartment that he recognises all too well from all the times that he visited with Meulin. It's a pretty nice place, save the hideous red and teal walls, which are enough to give anybody a headache. Still, Terezi is blind and Latula is colourblind, so it probably doesn't bother either of them too much. There are posters stuck up all over the place from movies and comics and TV shows- as well as skate festivals and concerts. In fact, some of the walls are pretty much papered with them. It's nice in a grunge sort of way, he supposes, but he prefers the dark, empty walls of his home much more.

He's lead by the arm still and Terezi takes him through the living room, pushing him onto the leather couch and instructing him to stay there. Then, she disappears somewhere, another room, and leaves him to his own devices. He can't help noting that the house is surprisingly neat and tidy for people like the Pyropes. He has always been surprised by this because they seem like the kind of people that should be incredibly messy. But he supposes that a blind girl needs a tidy home to save her from falling over everything. He noticed her ditching her cane as soon as they entered, since she knew her own home well enough to be able to feel her way around without it.

When she returns, she's got some pictures clenched in both of her fists, which she drops on his lap. Kurloz picks them up one at a time and inspects them, seeing nothing out of the ordinary. Most of them have younger Terezi and Latula, normally side by side, occasionally joined by Sollux or Mituna. When he's looked through them a few times, he glances up at her.

"What am I meant to be looking for?"

"Look closer at me." She says pointedly.

Doing as she says, Kurloz peers a little closer at the pictures. Terezi looks much younger and a little thinner, though still quite chubby for her age, and she's dressed in pants and t-shirts like she normally is. But something seems... A little different, he'll admit. It's just hard to tell what it is exactly. He's peering at a photo for a millionth time, when it suddenly hits him that she looks more... Masculine in the photos. He peers closer still and suddenly begins to wonder how he missed it the first time around. Her eyebrows are thicker, her chest flatter, her body shaped a little differently. She's not as curvy... But there again, these were taken pre-puberty.

"Terezi?" He looks to her for confirmation.

"I was assigned male at birth." Terezi explains, "And Mom called me Xander for about the first eight years of my life. That's my birth name, by the way, Alexander. Bleh!" She pulls a face of obvious disgust, "Yadda, yadda, you know how the story goes. I always knew I was different, blah, blah, blah." She waves her hands around to emphasise her point, "I'm trans, Kurloz, but I betcha already guessed that."

It's a little hard for him to process and he sits there and he stares at Terezi and he thinks. He's met many different people in his job from all walks of life but he's never met a transgender person before, not once.

"- so, I'm like to Mom, 'I think I'm a girl' and she doesn't say anything. She was cool with it, I think, since she's cool with pretty much everything. Anyway, Latula's been helping me all these years and I've been taking my hormones and stuff." She's still talking, "But there's still some things I want fixing before I make a move on... You know. The girl I like."

"Don't change yourself for Vriska Serket."

"I'm not changing for HER." Terezi says, "I'm changing for ME. Anyway, I want you to come with me on Thursday to get my surgery done. Is that okay?" She looks at him, hopeful, fidgeting a little bit.

"Do you trust me enough, sister?"

"It's Terezi." But she grins, "Is that a yes?"

He nods.


	32. THE INTERMISSION

Technically, Kankri doesn't suffer from insomnia. Whereas Karkat, an insomnia sufferer, can't fall asleep no matter what he tries, Kankri can actually fall asleep easily. But when he's asleep, he sleeps poorly and lightly, waking up frequently from bad dreams that he can never remember. Karkat theorises that Kankri experiences this "because Dad used to use your head as a punching bag". Either way, he never sleeps very well and tonight, he knows that he won't be able to rest. He struggles even more with sleeping when he's stressed or upset and right now, he's a mess of emotions. Sighing, he leans back and rests his head against the wall.

Physically, and mentally, Kankri is just plain exhausted. Every part of his body is screaming at him to rest but he doesn't let himself, knowing that if he closes his eyes, he'll just see Mituna reduced to tears in the darkness of his eyelids. Instead, he unscrews his bottle of water and takes a long sip from it. It's ice cold and makes him shiver but it keeps him awake. He learnt in college that there are many ways other than caffeine to stay awake. People that drink caffeine to pull all-nighters are amateur in his opinion. Why bother, when you can use simpler methods and not destroy your body in the process?

It doesn't help that he's set some incense up to burn in order to keep the smell of smoke out. Despite the fact that he made Cronus shower and change his clothes, the room still smells of those damn cigarettes that Kankri hates so much. And he knows that Cronus is trying hard to quit- for his sake- and that he can excuse slip-ups but honestly, all he can feel is smoke burning the inside of his lungs. Maybe he's just imagining it but he swears that his chest feels tight and his throat is hot and his hands clench into fists, so tightly that his nails dig into the palms of his hands and draw blood. It's one of his bad habits, one of his anxious habits, and there are crescent shaped marks on his hands permanently because of it.

His other habits include: nail biting, lip chewing, and picking at his sweater sleeves.

So far, his nails have been bitten right down and are sharp and misshapen. He tries to hide them by keeping his hands closed but he can't hide them when his hand is wrapped around Cronus. Cronus has seen them- much to Kankri's shame- and he kissed every single one of the sore nails and told the Cancer that he needed to stop. Still, Kankri continued to nibble at them.

His lower lip has been chewed and bitten and abused by his front teeth enough times for it to be sore too. In the winter, when it's cold, his lip gets especially painful and no amount of lip balm will make it feel any better. His lips are constantly dry too and he knows that kissing him must feel disgusting. God, Cronus must think he's disgusting.

When he's out in public, he picks at his sweater sleeves until the threads begin to unravel. Most of his sweaters have gaping holes there because he's clawed at them anxiously whenever he's left the apartment. It doesn't matter where he is but if he's in a public place, he can feel people's eyes on him, and this causes him to pull on his sweater sleeves. They're stretched and holed and Porrim scolds him about it every time she sees him.

These are all habits that he possessed when he was younger and everybody shut him out for being annoying and pretentious. Because, despite the confident and cool front he put up, Kankri was almost constantly anxious. He didn't like to admit it to people and tended to speak a little louder, gesture a little more wildly when he talked, as if to remind people that he was there. But these habits had all come back threefold, like a curse put upon him or something, and left him fidgety and nervous. Things had been bad recently.

Anyway, the incense that he's burning makes him feel sleepy and queasy at the same time and he rubs his eyes on the sleeve of his sweater to stop them watering. He's so tired. So tired. He should try and get some work done. But he can't. All he can do is focus on breathing so that he can keep control over his jolting stomach and press his nails deeper into his palms to keep himself awake. He has to keep himself awake, he knows that, because he's scared to fall into the terrifying darkness of sleep.

He feels the bed shift.

"Knkrehk?" comes the mumble from Cronus. And there's the sound of his hand smacking against the bed in an attempt to find Kankri (the lights are off and Kankri is sat towards the other side of the bed, trying not to wake his boyfriend up). Eventually, the Cancer holds his wrist out and the Aquarius takes a hold of it. His hands are surprisingly warm, probably because he's still half asleep and warm under the blankets.

"Shhhhh, go back to sleep." Kankri soothes gently, "Sleep, Cronus..."

He knows that he could wake Cronus up at any moment.

In fact, after finding out that Kankri was spending most of the night sat alone in the dark, Cronus had insisted that he woke him up if he ever couldn't sleep.

But Kankri could never bring himself to do it. He already felt like enough of a burden on his boyfriend and he didn't want to be more of a problem than he already was. If he was drowning, he wasn't dragging Cronus down with him for the sake of having something to hold onto.

So, most nights, he would move into the kitchen and sit with Karkat a while. He'd done that tonight, in fact, until Karkat had finally passed out around two and Kankri had carried him back to bed. Actually, he carried him back to mattress but whatever. Then, he'd retreated back to the suffocating room and sat down on the bed, being careful not to disturb Cronus. Apparently, he hadn't been careful enough.

"Kan..." Cronus's speech becomes a little more understandable as he pushes himself up. Even though he knows it's hopeless, Kankri is still trying desperately to coax him back to sleep, shushing him gently like one would a baby. His boyfriend squeezes his wrist. "Kankri?"

"Cronus, it's much too early for you to be awake. I implore you, go back to sleep."

The Aquarius doesn't seem to be listening, letting go of Kankri. "Can't you sleep, chief? Hold on... Lemme get the light." There's a creak as Cronus stands and stumbles to the light switch, flipping the soft coloured fairy lights on. He still looks bleary-eyed from sleep and he's running a hand through his dishevelled hair as he sits beside Kankri on the mattress, looking unsure of whether he should touch him or not. For a moment, they're quiet as their eyes adjust to the sudden light.

Cronus looks exceptionally beautiful with the sunrise hues of the lights cast across his face.

Cronus is always first to speak and tonight is no exception. "I'm sure vwe'wve got some sleepin' pills in the bathroom cabinet if you vwant some."

Kankri shakes his head. "No. I'm okay, honestly. I just wish you'd go back to sleep. I feel awfully guilty for keeping you awake like this."

Finally, Cronus slings an arm around him and pulls him in close. "Kan, I don't mind. Honest, I get more than enough sleep already. Besides, vwhat kind of boyfriend vwould I be if I left you to sit avwake by yourself ewvery night?" Kankri presses his face into Cronus's shoulder, inhaling and wrinkling his nose at the smell of chemicals and hair grease. But underneath it, he can smell more pleasant things like Cronus's body butter and the smell of cotton and leather and something he can only describe as the smell of sleep. The warm, cosy smell of somebody who's just woken up.

"Mhm." Kankri makes sure to keep his eyes open, "Are you sure this okay?"

"It's cool, Kanny." Cronus kisses his forehead, "I don't think you're goin' to fall asleep in that svweater of yours. C'mere." He pushes Kankri away and tugs at the hem of his sweater, pulling it off over his head. It's quickly discarded on the floor, which makes Kankri sniff in disgust but he doesn't say anything. He's too tired to say very much. Which is why he doesn't protest as Cronus sheds his t-shirt and helps Kankri into it instead.

God, Kankri will never, for the life of him, be able to understand why he adores wearing his boyfriend's shirts so much. Maybe it's because they remind him so strongly of Cronus, since it feels like him and smells like him. Or maybe it's because all of the shirts are much too big on him and the cotton is very soft against his delicate skin. Or maybe it's because he likes the feeling of somebody taking care of him for once. All his life, he's always had to be the one to take charge to a point where he's become a little bit of a control freak. He feels uncomfortable when other people are in charge, since he doesn't know what's going to happen. He needs things to be planned. But... He likes when Cronus takes care of him, even if he is pretty shitty at it.

"That's better." Cronus tells him and Kankri nods, "Are you goin' to be able to sleep at all?"

Kankri shakes his head. He can't sleep. He's scared to.

If he's being truthful with himself, Kankri knows what's wrong with him and it's not insomnia at all. He just happens to have a bad case of hypnophobia- in short, he's scared of falling asleep. According to Google, this can be for three different reasons: 1. A fear of sleeping because it means a loss of control over the body, 2. A fear of sleeping because of reoccurring nightmares or anxiety, 3. A fear of sleeping because the sufferer wants to maximise the amount of time spent working. Kankri has diagnosed himself as suffering for all three reasons.

Back home, he was scared to fall asleep because that meant that his dad could approach him and he wouldn't even know. Maybe that's why he's such a light sleeper now because he's so anxious that he twitches awake at the slightest sound.

He also has a tendency to suffer from nightmares, which leave him confused and frightened when he wakes up. He doesn't like this, as it also makes him feel very out of control of things.

The last reason only applies to him a little, as he often stays awake very late to finish paperwork, but this is rare. Most of the time, he sits awake and knows that he should be working but he's too exhausted to do it.

Since Kankri doesn't sleep, he's often rather irritable especially when it comes to insufferable people like Dave Strider. He really knows how to press every single one of Kankri's buttons and completely and utterly piss him off without a single effort. Honestly, he has no idea what his brother sees in that man. He also suspects that not sleeping makes him more anxious, more paranoid about things, but he can't be sure.

He can't tell Cronus any of this, of course.

"Stay right there." Cronus rescues one of his books from the shelf across the room and opens up where they left off in Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix. And he gestures for Kankri to relax against him, pulling him close and wrapping an arm around him. And Cronus pulls the covers up to keep the pair of them warm.

_“The mind is not a book, to be opened at wwill an' examined at leisure. Thoughts are not etched on the inside of skulls, to be perused by an inwvader. The mind is a complex an' many-layered thing~”_ There's something oddly reassuring about Cronus's reading voice, something strangely soothing about the way it flows over the words.

Though, he does stammer over a few words, frowning deeply, until Kankri hands him his glasses. Breathing a thanks, it goes smoothly from there. Eventually, Kankri is lost in the story and in Cronus's whispered reading voice.

The whole time, he's staring at his boyfriend and wondering when he got so good looking. It only takes him a few moments to deduce that this sudden overwhelming affection has something to do with how nice Cronus looks with glasses perched on his nose as he hunches over his Harry Potter book. It's the Cronus that he never gets to see during the day.

"You look so beautiful with your glasses on." Kankri says, cutting him off midway through a sentence suddenly, "Cronus, they frame your face really nicely. And you don't look like a complete... Uh, douchebag."

This seemingly makes Cronus self-conscious and he adjusts his glasses, muttering something about looking like a loser.

"It's not third grade anymore. You're not loser just because you wear glasses. I mean, I don't wear glasses and I'm way "lamer" than you." Kankri chuckles, "Besides, you look smart. I like it. Don't you like them?"

"It's pretty nice bein' able to see, I guess." Cronus shrugs, before going back to his reading.

After a while, Kankri feels himself beginning to drift off in his boyfriend's arms. And he's vaguely aware of Cronus bookmarking the page and putting the book aside, laying down and pulling Kankri against his chest. He's still wearing those thick glasses, having eventually forgotten that he was wearing them. They're so thick that it makes Kankri question just how well Cronus can see on a daily basis. How the hell does he manage not to walk into things? Or maybe he does walk into things and Kankri misses it because he turns it into a joke.

He's falling asleep, lazy smile on his face, when he thinks he hears footsteps- heavy footsteps- and forces himself to jerk awake. His boyfriend grunts and it appears that Kankri has kicked him hard enough to jolt him back to consciousness as well.

"Sorry." He mumbles, sitting up, "Did you hear anything just then?"

"You're actin' paranoid again, doll." Cronus groans, rolling onto his back, "I knovw that you're vworried but really. The only people in this apartment are you, me, Sol, Dan, Strider and Kar. There's nobody else. You don't hawve to vworry."

"Can you... I mean... Can't you go check?"

"Wvantas, you vwant to tell me vwhat's up? Really? Because I knovw that you stay avwake on purpose, I'm not an idiot." He sits up and looks at Kankri, his eyes bright and blue. His hair isn't flat with grease and it's actually kind of curly.

For some reason, thinking this is enough to make Kankri burst into tears. Or maybe he's just really tired but next thing he knows, he's sobbing his eyes out and he can't even explain why. And he can hear Cronus pleading with him to tell him what's wrong but he can't stop crying, his breath coming out in gasps, and tears streaking down his face.

Even when he thinks he's finished crying, he starts again, shaking and convulsing with sobs. He can't stop, he can't, he can't, he's sorry, he's so exhausted, he's sorry, he's scared-

"You're scared?" Cronus seems to pick up on that, "Oh, _Kankri_." But he doesn't sound mad, if anything he just seems plain worried. Next thing Kankri knows, he's a quivering mess and his boyfriend is rubbing his back, shushing him gently. That's enough to make him choke out a few more sobs before he finally settles.

Once he's completely quiet, Cronus speaks softly. "Vwhat are you scared of, chief?"

Kankri sniffles. "It's dumb."

"You can trust me, Kan. I'm not goin' to turn my back on you like ewverybody else has."

Cronus really isn't an idiot and somehow, he's managed to see past Kankri's polite smiles and high and mighty attitude a million times. Honestly, Kankri doesn't know how he does it. And Cronus had asked him questions, coaxing answers out of him. About Latula and Porrim and Mituna and his dad and everything that had gone wrong. Bubbling over the top with feelings, Kankri had told him everything just as well as he could remember it.

And he'd told Cronus all about the crush that he'd had on Latula in high school. How she'd rejected him but he hadn't been able to understand why because he'd been so sure that she had been flirting all those years. How he'd been bitter about it and watched on jealously as she'd picked Mituna over him a million times. She picked _Mituna_. He'd never been able to understand why she liked him so much, especially when Kankri was there with his gentle words and caring attitude, and Mituna could barely string his sentences together. He'd been jealous.

When he'd found out that Mituna had been cheating, Kankri had been angry. He was so angry because he'd worked for years to get the girl and Mituna had gotten her and ditched her like she was nothing. So, he'd taken it upon himself to storm over and give him a good talking to. He couldn't believe that Mituna would leave a great girl like Latula. In the end, his temper had spiralled completely out of control and he'd reduced the elder Captor to tears. He'd reduced a brain-damaged man to tears and he hadn't even felt guilty until a few days. This made Kankri 100% sure that he was an awful person. When he'd left, Mituna had been shaking with sobs.

And he can remember thinking: _good. Feel bad about it. That's what you get for leaving Latula._

Now that he thought back over it, he felt terrible about the entire incident. But he couldn't take it back now, locking the guilt away inside of him and deciding to just live with it. After all, he lives with a lot of locked away emotions, since he hid his affection towards Latula and his love for Porrim and her motherly affections and his fear, his awful aching fear, of his dad. He hid all these things way inside of him but recently, he'd been bubbling over with emotions like a boiling pain that had been left on the stove too long. Built-up emotions was probably why he was sobbing his eyes out now. That, and a lack (and fear) of sleep.

"Kan?" His boyfriend's voice brings him back out of his thoughts, "Talk to me. Please?"

Kankri takes a deep breath in. "I'm scared of sleeping." He exhales heavily, "Okay, you can go ahead and laugh now. I know it's dumb and weird, I know."

Cronus opens his mouth to say something.

Kankri silences him with a gesture, "Actually... Before you laugh, just hear me out?" Cronus nods and he rambles on, "Ever since I was really little, my dad was really, really scary. I mean, you saw him. He's much bigger than me and he's loud and sometimes he... Y'know... Did things... To me..." Kankri wants to throw up at the thought.

He has to pause and swallow his sobs before continuing. "And I guess it made me feel paranoid because we never knew when he'd be angry. He'd come home at night and he'd be mad and if we hid, he was mad but if we got in the way, he was mad. And I... I..." Tears poured down his cheeks, making him sniffle and whine against Cronus. He was officially the most pathetic being in existence.

"C'mon, Kan, ya doin' great." Cronus is still rubbing gentle circles on Kankri's back, pressing gentle kisses on his neck.

"And Karkat nearly always fell asleep when he was small." Kankri's voice is more like a squeak, "And I was scared that if I fell asleep... There wouldn't be anyone to protect him or me. I couldn't... Control what would happen." There was that word again. Control.

"Mhm?"

"I couldn't manage the situation if I was asleep. So... I just didn't... Sleep. That was it at first. I was scared to sleep because I was scared Dad would hurt one of us if I wasn't there to make sure he didn't. I... Didn't want Karkat to get hurt. He was so little." He takes another shaky breath, "Even if I did sleep, I woke up every time I heard something. Because any sound could be his footsteps on the stairs, you know. I can't sleep even if I want to. Noise wakes me up." He pauses, "And there's another thing."

"Yeah?"

"I don't know why... Karkat thinks there's some damage in my brain or something... But I get these really bad nightmares. They're really, really, really, really, really scary." Kankri shudders, "It's like... All the things I'm scared of get mixed up into one big mess of colours and sounds and I hate it. Because it's dark and it's bright and I'm so scared all the time."

That's when he takes a long gasping breath.

"Kan, ya-"

He talks loudly over Cronus. "And sometimes... I have these dreams... These.... Dreams... And I'm tied up and there's ropes burning my hands... And everything hurts... And they... K-kill me. They fucking crucify me. And when I w-wake up, it still hurts. It hurts m-me. The dreams m-make my wrists h-hurt." He doesn't start to cry but he starts to shiver and once he starts, he can't stop, "D-do you think I'm... C-crazy? Am I crazy?"

There's a long moment of silence and Kankri realises he's chewing his nails again. Each nibble makes the skin there sear in pain but he can't bring himself to take his hand away from his mouth.

"I don't think you're crazy." Cronus says, eventually, "I think you'wve been through a lot of shit an' all this dream stuff is brought on by stress." And he takes Kankri's hand, squeezing it tightly, rubbing at his skin. There's freckles on Cronus's hands and arms; sporadically placed, but still there.

"T-thank you." Kankri suddenly wishes that he still had his sweater because he's still shivering, "F-for not thinking that I'm c-crazy."

Cronus considers this for a moment before speaking. "My dad says that you're newver vwhat you beliewve you are." And he sighs, "I think he vwas tryin' to make a jab at me but it makes a lotta sense. Crazy people newver think that they're crazy, y'knovw. Ya probably fine, Kanny. If a little mad for datin' vway belovw your station." He gestures to himself and chuckles.

"Don't be so h-hard on yourself."

"You're one to talk." Cronus ruffles his hair and smile that crooked smile at him, "Novw, come and lay dovwn, I'll look after you. Take your nails out of your mouth, you'll hurt yourself."

Sleepily, Cronus lays back down and after a few moments, Kankri lays down beside him. A pair of strong, protective arms wrap their way around him and finally, he lets his eyes fall closed. It lasts barely a few second before the sound of footsteps out on the hallway make him sit up fast. Real footsteps? Ghost footsteps? Who knows anymore?

Cronus sighs quietly. And he rolls over to the edge of the mattress and rummages around until he finds his phone and unwinds the headphones.

"Block the noise out, yeah?" Cronus says, sliding them over Kankri's ears and flicking through his music until he finds some gentler music. He sets it to play and the Cancer realises that it's showtunes. And he looks at Cronus accusingly and his boyfriend looks sheepish as he lays back down and wraps an arm around Kankri.

He can't hear anything and he stares at Cronus until he falls asleep, waiting for nightmares to take him away.

Kankri Vantas dreams of nothing, falling in and out of sleep without a clear idea of what is real.

When he comes around again, the sun is streaming through the window and his mouth tastes like his own salvia. In fact, he thinks he might be drooling, which is enough to make him sit up quickly and wipe his mouth. Indeed, the pillow is damp where he was lying and so is the side of his face, which is enough to make him wince. Gross. That's when he realises that it's morning. And he made it through the night. And it was okay. He's okay.

"I'm okay." He's surprised.

"Knevw ya vwould be." Cronus is still half-asleep beside him, pressed up between the wall and Kankri, "Good man, Kan."

"Thank you for helping me."

"It's nothin'. Come back to bed, you ovwe me and I vwant you to keep me warm."

* * *

Meanwhile, Latula Pyrope has been woken by the sound of the phone ringing somewhere in their apartment above the cafe. She licks her lips and wakes herself up enough to yell:

"Terezi, can you get that?"

There's a mumbled response and the sound of footsteps as Terezi pulls herself up and trudges around to search for the phone. As she passes Latula's open door, she catches a glance of her sister looking tired in her dragon-patterned pyjamas. She really hopes that her sister didn't stay up too late working last night, as she has been doing frequently. Latula keeps telling her that she needs to rest but Terezi is a stubborn soul. Eventually, she finds the phone and Latula finds herself drifting back off as her sister starts to talk.

Since Mituna left her, she's been sleeping a lot more. The truth is that she doesn't really know how to feel about this whole thing. At first, she was angry that he'd cheated on her. Then, she'd been miserable that she was now minus a boyfriend. Now, she wasn't even sure she felt. She felt pretty disconnected, since she'd focused most of her attention of Mituna and didn't have much else going for her. She was a little lonely but she was somehow... Relieved? It felt terrible to think that but Mituna had been getting a little too much for her lately. She struggled to deal with his antics on top of work and taking care of her sister.

She supposes that she's not too mad or upset or anything like that. She's more just... Well, she wishes that she'd focused more of her energy on other things now. Things other than Mituna.

"Tula, it's for you." Terezi is shaking her awake, gripping her by the arm, "It's Mituna. Should I tell him to fuck off?"

It takes Latula a few moments to process that and she snatches the phone, pulling the covers up over her head and pressing the cell to her ear. "Hey dude. What's up?" Some part of her hopes, hopes, hopes that he's going to apologise and change his mind. That he wants to date her again. The rest of her screams that she should hang up.

"Eridan wearth girlth clotheth like you wear boyth clotheth."

"What?" Latula rubs her eyes and wonders if she misheard something, "Hun, remember to think your sentences through before you say them."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, Tulip." She can practically hear the stupid grin on his face, "I jutht wanted to call you and tell you that. Altho, thome other thingth."

"What other things did you want to tell me?"

"It'th one thing actually. A big thing. Uh... Here'th the thing." There's a crackling pause of him breathing heavily down the line, "Tho... I wanted you to know that I'm thorry. I did a bad thing. Dad explained it all to me and I feel really bad that I made you tho thad. THORRY!"

"It's okay."

"It'th not that I didn't like you. I do like you. You're my bethtetht friend but I think I might be... Uh..." There's another pause, _"HEY, DAD WHAT'TH THE WORD FOR ONLY LIKING BOYTH AGAIN?"_ Another crackling pause, "I'm kinda gay, Tulip, I think. I'm thorry."

"No... I get it. It's okay. We can still be best friends, right?"

"THE BETHTETHT!" Mituna hangs up, maybe on accident because he's not exactly good with the phone. Putting the phone aside, Latula forces herself to sit up and stretches, her back clicking audibly as she did so. When she opens her eyes, her sister is still standing there and staring at her. Well, trying to stare at her with her empty eyes. Has she been standing there the entire time, listening in? Probably. Terezi calls it "sleuthing" but it's pure nosiness.

"Well?" She prompts, "How's things?"

"I... I don't know. But I think things are going to be better from now on." Latula smiles, hoping her sister can hear it, "You want to go out and buy some comics today?" Her sister really likes comics considering that she can't actually see them.

"I'd rather go buy video games so that I can piss Sollux off at his new job."

* * *

Karkat isn't a migraine sufferer but he does frequently suffer from headaches. Normally, they throb behind his eyes and his temples, occasionally bursting sharply to painful levels before going back to throbbing. He knows that this is likely caused by his insomnia, as most problems in his life seem to be, but he still hates it. He'd trade everything he owns to lose his insomnia, he hates it that much.

Well... He supposes that there is one thing he wouldn't trade.

He presses his fingers to his temples and rolls over. _"Dave..."_

Beside him, his boyfriend is curled around his body with the blankets pulled up so that only a tuft of blonde hair is evidence of him being there. Along with the warm feeling of his arms and legs wrapped around Karkat that is. He doesn't so much as flinch but there's a soft murmur of muffled speech.

"Dave, I feel like an army is storming through my head and you aren't helping."

"God, you sound just like Captor." Dave pushes the blankets down and blinks at him, wincing at the early morning sunlight, "Jeez, it's much too early for you to be waking me."

"I'm in considerable pain, shut your ugly trap and comfort me."

"Fine, c'mere. I'll throw you an all-inclusive Dave Strider pity party." Stretching, Dave adjusts himself so that he can laze against the pillows and pulls Karkat in close to cuddle. Comfortably, Karkat grumbles about having to move but flops on top of his boyfriend contently. It's not long before his hair is being ruffled by tanned fingers, which makes him groan but he allows it. For somebody that rarely gets much sleep, Karkat has got awful bed-hair almost constantly. Dave likes to play with it and he lets him most of the time, finding it more relaxing than he'd like to admit.

As he lifts his head to look at his boyfriend, Karkat can't help but admire how beautiful his boyfriend is. He's Hispanic- which side of the family that comes from, he has no idea, but Rose's skin is a darker tone so perhaps not hers?- and he's got this stupidly sexy douchebag look going on. Dave is taller than Karkat and more lean, all athletic looking with his dumb blonde hair that his other sister dyes for him. The Strider-Lalonde family are like rabbits, Karkat swears, there's so many of them. And they're all so attractive that it's just not fair. Though he'd never tell him, Karkat is certain that Dave is the best looking.

"I'm so fucking gay for you, it's ridiculous." Karkat says, poking his boyfriend.

"Don't let your brother hear you saying that. He'll probably be offended." Dave says.

Karkat rolls his eyes. "Everything offends Kankri. Breathing offends him."

"Nonsense. I'm sure that not-breathing would be far more offensive." Dave sits up and picks at his shirt, trying to loosen it so that his chest is less obvious, "What d'you think we'll be doing today? Lookin' at apartments and shit?"

"Probably. Can you at least try to get along with Kankri, just a little bit?" Karkat asks. He wants to tell him that his brother isn't as bad as he seems but honestly, he really is that bad. He's kinda of an asshole actually. "I mean, I had to put up with Dirk AND Roxy AND Rose AND Maryam, when I visited your place."

It had been a daring visit when Karkat's dad hadn't come home and he'd presumed that he was staying out of town for work or something. As always, he'd snuck out to meet Dave a fair distance from the house- they didn't meet at Karkat's house ever, except for the one unfortunate time a few weeks back- and been taken to the Strider-Lalonde residence. It was huge to accommodate their huge and crazy family. It hadn't taken longer than half an hour for Karkat to lose his shit and start yelling but he'd just been tackled to the ground by a drunk Roxy, who had tickled him until he'd stopped. He hadn't dared stay longer than a few hours but he'd wished that he could stay there forever.

_"Then, why don't you?" Dave had asked, "You could just stay here. You don't have to go home."_

_Karkat had shivered. "I really do. I don't want him finding out about you."_

_"Oh." Dave had tried not to look upset, "That's cool."_

_"No, it's not that I don't like you! I do! A lot! A whole mega fucking truckload lot of liking is being dumped on you, Dave. Dad just can't know about you. I... I'd be putting myself in a dangerous situation and-"_

_"I get it." Dave had gently touched the small bruise on Karkat's face. It had been just above his jaw, yellow and blotchy, and he'd winced even though it barely hurt. It hurt mentally a lot more than it did physically to be reminded of things like that. "Trust me, I understand."_

Dave did understand because he'd grown up being treated like something he wasn't and getting hurt by people that he thought loved him. He didn't really like to talk about it but Karkat knew that his parents hadn't been great to him, which why he lived with his older brother. Not Dirk, his other one that Karkat hadn't met. Okay, so here's the thing: Dave is transgender and has identified as male ever since he was about eleven or twelve. When he'd told his parents, it hadn't gone too well and he'd been in trouble. He'd had to leave quickly with his brother and his siblings were quick to follow in succession.

For a long time, Dave had been very uncomfortable with talking about it but Karkat had gently coaxed it out of him. When he found out that Dave was trans, he was a little surprised but he shrugged it off, asking a few questions before dropping the subject completely. It didn't change anything about their relationship or about how he thought of Dave.

In return, Karkat had told him about his dad using him as punching bag. Predictably, Dave had freaked the hell out when he found out that Karkat's dad treated him so badly. And he'd immediately begged Karkat to get out of there. But... He couldn't.

The truth was... Karkat was scared. He was scared to leave home because his dad had been so angry after Kankri had left, trying his hardest to hunt him down so he could "bring him back home". Karkat didn't have anywhere to go, not having any relatives he could contact aside from his brother, who had long ago abandoned him. And he was scared that if he did leave, his dad would find him again and that he'd hurt him. He didn't like to think about things like that anymore.

"I can't get along with dear Kanny. He's too prickly." Dave's voice draws him out of his memories, thankfully.

Now, he consciously rubbed at his shoulder, where the last of his bruises remained. "You don't think that Dad will find us here, do you?"

"No. Definitely not. There's no way that he could." Dave says, firmly, "Even if he did- which he won't- there are too many people protecting you. Remember how many people turned up when your dad came home early that day and I-"

"Don't." Karkat shudders, "Don't say it. I don't want to think about what could have happened."

"But nothing did happen." Dave touches his arm gently, "I'm gonna go shower. Are you going to be okay out here on your own?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Karkat shrugs, reluctantly, "You'll be back soon, right?"

"As soon as possible." And Dave stands, disappearing down the corridor. As soon as his footsteps are no longer audible, Karkat senses seem to race up and he's instantly aware of everything. Everything looks dark and foreboding out of the corner of his eye. Every creak or floorboards make him jolt. Every sound is a million times louder, so he turns on the TV and tries to numb his brain with shitty game shows.

It doesn't help and he still flinches every time hears a door rattle in the wind. They really need to fix these shitty doors- he knows they aren't staying here much longer but honestly, they're just so annoying. And a little eerie at times like this.

During the night, he is almost always alone and he hates it. Of course, it was much worse at home when he sat up and listened to his dad yelling at the TV in the other room. And he'd try not to move, praying that nothing would happen because he ached so much and he couldn't take anymore. It's a little better here with Dave laying beside him and occasionally the sound of Captor and Ampora smacking each other with pillows in the other room but it's still bad sometimes. Because when Dave is there, he feels like he needs to be ready to protect him. And he can't relax, not when his boyfriend is sleeping and in danger.

Danger is a big and bad word. Karkat learnt from Kankri when he was very young that he couldn't say anything about what was going on at home because it would put them in danger. And maybe that was a bad move on Kankri's part, making them both keep quiet- he'd apologised several times- but neither of that had known that then. So, the pair of them had gone around and made about a million excuses for things. No, Karkat couldn't come over, he had important stuff to do after school. He was hurt because he had simply fallen over, nothing more than that. Yes, he did know where his brother was and yes, he was coming back any time soon. He had always said that he was sure Kankri would be back soon. But he never came back. Still, Karkat kept lying about it.

Contrary to what everybody else said, Karkat had forgiven his brother for making those mistakes because he knew that he'd been doing his best. After all, Kankri had been a child too and he'd had no idea what he was doing. He just pretended that he did and when it became too much for him, he ran away. But whilst he was there, he was great. He protected Karkat for a very long time and when he couldn't anymore, he sobbed apologies and gripped him tightly. He took care of Karkat, mothering him better than Kanaya ever did. At the time, Karkat had found this annoying but now he understood that Kankri was just doing his best in bad circumstances.

After Kankri had left, the insomnia had started. It's not unlikely for things like that to be triggered- one of Kankri's key therapist terms- by traumatic events. And his brother abandoning him had been pretty fucking traumatic for Karkat. For nights on end afterwards, he had laid awake without any hope of sleep and barely managed to drag himself through the days. He was lucky if he got a few hours of sleep. When Kankri had finally rescued him, he'd hoped that his insomnia would leave him and let him rest peacefully. Unfortunately, this was not the case and he spent many nights sitting awake with his boyfriend snoring beside him.

Sometimes, he spent the evenings with Kankri but his older brother always retired to bed after too long. Also contrary to what everybody thought, Kankri was not an insomniac in any way, shape or form. He was perfectly capable of sleeping... But he chose not to. And Karkat chose not to question this.

He also chose not to question why Dave took long and frequent showers. But now, caught out by this thought, he clenches his fists and hopes his boyfriend will return soon. It's totally fucking lame... But Karkat really doesn't like to be left alone like this. He really doesn't like-

"Karkat?"

Startled, Karkat puts on his best scowl and turns to Ampora. The greaser is leaning on the back of the couch, frowning at him.

"What do you want, you major fucking douchebag?"

"Vwoah, vwoah..." Cronus holds his hands up in a mock surrender, "I vwas just checkin' up on ya, chief. You'wve been starin' at the vwall for a vwhile novw."

"Don't watch me, you creep." Karkat grumbles, "It's none of your fucking business. Just because you're screwing my older brother doesn't mean that we have to be pals. Buds. Bros. Whatever filthy greaser slang you want to apply here." He rolls his eyes and stands.

"Kar, I just-"

He doesn't want to talk with Cronus, so he heads through to the bathroom instead and pushes the door open. The lock is broken, otherwise he is certain that it would be locked. Dave is still showering, though he sticks his head around the curtain to see Karkat (and to check that it is Karkat).

"Something wrong?"

"I hate Cronus."

Dave rolls his eyes and ducks back under the shower. "You don't even know the guy."

"I don't need to know him to know that he's a complete and utter douchebag."

"But I'm a complete and utter douchebag and you adore me."

"You're different."

Finally, the shower turns off and Dave sticks out his hand for a towel. Obligingly, Karkat stands up and hands one to him. His boyfriend wraps it around himself before climbing out of the shower, gesturing for Karkat to turn away from him. Sighing, but understanding, Karkat turns away from him. He understands that there are a lot of things that Dave isn't comfortable with and he knows where the limits are. One of the limits is seeing any of Dave's chest at all, since he's so uncomfortable about it. So, he stares at the wall as his boyfriend dries himself and begins to pull his clothes on. Once he's slid his shirt on, Karkat is allowed to look again.

"Will you help me a second?" Dave asks and Karkat nods, knowing exactly what he means. It's hard to believe that Dave still needs these regular boosts of testosterone but he does and it's Karkat job to help him with them. First, he has to find the stuff (hidden at the back of the bathroom cabinet, behind the neatly sorted pills) and then he has to prepare the jab. Luckily, they have done this hundreds of times before and neither of them so much as flinch at the needle sinking into Dave's skin. Karkat doesn't think that he'll ever like the sight of the needle though. Once everything's been put away neatly, Karkat wraps his arms tightly around his boyfriend and holds him for a few moments.

"Seriously, Karkles, is something up?" Dave presses, "You're awfully... I don't know, intimate, this morning?"

"It's nothing." Karkat shrugs, "I'm just tired, I guess."

"Have you-"

They're interrupted by a knock on the door. "Can you two pleathe act all boyfriend-y thomewhere elthe? Thome of uth have to uthe the bathroom, you know!"

Dave looks down at his boyfriend and Karkat rolls his eyes.

Looks like they'll have to continue this elsewhere.

"But are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Karkat assures him and it's a lie.


	33. ACT FOUR: Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while... Stuff got in the way.

"'Ey, Dan, smile at the camera!"

When Eridan looks up, he's immediately confronted by a camera practically pressed up against his face by his older brother. It's a fancy camera, one of the ones that Eridan has wanted for as long as he can remember. He can see his reflection in the shiny surface.

Frowning, he pushes it away. "Wwhat the hell, Cro?"

Cronus is still focusing it on him. "Kan told me to film today. Somethin' about recordin' happy memories or some shit? Anyvway, I think you're on photo duty. Today is really important to him, since he's newver been to one of these things before. Take lots of nice pictures. And say hi to the camera. You too, Cap."

Rolling his eyes, Eridan raises a hand in greeting. "Hi." And he elbows his boyfriend beside him, who grunts something that sounds vaguely like "fuck off". The pair of them are already sat on the grass, tearing open the facepaints that Eridan stole from the drama department back when he was in college. He's never had much use for them prior to now but he intends to take full advantage of them today. As Cronus moves away, Eridan rips the plastic off an pretty blue- ocean blue- and decides that this colour will go incredibly well with Sollux's skin tone. He will attack him as soon as the rest of the paints have been opened up.

Today is the day of their local Pride parade and everything is set up to go perfectly. It's still morning but the pace is really beginning to pick up, people arriving left, right and centre. They arrived early to get a good spot on the grass for their potentially huge group of friends and situated themselves here, laying down blankets and making themselves comfortable. The weather is looking to be good too, a bright sunny May morning, with scarcely a cloud in the sky.

Everything is going so well that Eridan feels a little anxious about it; but he swallows it down, instead climbing onto his boyfriend's lap and straddling him so that he can't escape.

"Can I paint your face, Sol?" He asks, knowing that his boyfriend will want him to (though he'll never admit it). Sollux, sat cross-legged in his Back To The Future shirt and frowning, isn't very excited- at least, outwardly. He's never exactly been outspoken about his excitement. Eridan, on the other hand, has rainbow wristbands up to his elbows and his hair temporarily re-dyed with rainbow streaks. There are several rainbow badges pinned to his shirt. He is very, very excited. And really, really happy to be a part of things.

"Alright." Sollux rolls his eyes but grins good-naturedly (he's obviously much more excited than he's letting on). And he removes his glasses, holding still as Eridan wets his paintbrush and dips it into the pink paint first. Both of them trying not to laugh, he starts to paint wobbly lines on Sollux's face. First pink, then purple, then blue. When he's done, he pulls back and Sollux open his eyes, pushing his glasses back on. The Gemini insists on painting the Aquarius's face in return but he's nowhere near as neat, a much messier painter, and they both end up covered in a whole rainbow of paint. They're lying on the grass, laughing like idiots and wiping their fingers on each other, when Cronus makes a reappearance with his camera.

"And here vwe see the vwild homosexuals matin'..."

Eridan laughs harder.

"Hopefully, they'll keep it PG-13, othervwise Kan is goin' to kill me..."

Pulling his boyfriend in, Eridan makes the point of kissing him firmly so that Cronus turns away, muttering something about going to find other people. After all, there's nothing grosser than seeing your younger brother slobbering over their partner.

"Good job thcaring your brother off." Sollux compliments.

"Thanks." Eridan kisses him on the cheek and Sollux screws his face up, "Don't pull that face. Today is goin' to be a vvery good day, I can just feel it!"

"You alwayth think it'th going to be a good day." Sollux rolls his eyes but he doesn't disagree, "I love that about you."

"Positivvity is the first step towwards productivvity. That's wwhat my Dad alwways says. But he also says crossdressin' is bad, so I probably shouldn't be listenin' to him." Actually, his dad has said a lot of shit over the years that he's only recently started to question, "Speakin' of Dad, I may or may not be arrangin' a family dinner."

"Now, why the hell would you do that?"

"Wwe gotta introduce our families to each other sometime before the wweddin'. And I really wwant Daddy to open his eyes to the wworld around him. Y'knoww... Learn to be more acceptin'."

Growing up- and even now- Eridan's dad wasn't exactly the nicest to him. He still loved Eridan, because Eridan was his favourite (he told him so frequently), but that didn't stop his father from calling him a pansy. It didn't stop him from banning everything and anything pink from the house and refusing point blank to buy Eridan a Barbie for eight years straight. He wouldn't let Eridan dye his hair purple still college and even then, he pursed his lips nervously. Maybe that was why Eridan longed to be welcomed into the Captor family with open arms, where he could fit in just a little bit better. It was probably bad that Sollux's dads loved Eridan more than his own ever did.

"And if your dad maketh any offenthive commentth?" Sollux says, "I mean, my family ith hardly the motht conventional. What if he thayth thomething bad about MT? Or my dadth?"

"I wwon't let him." Eridan says, fiercely, "I'll... I don't knoww, fight him or somethin'."

Sollux snorts with laughter. "You're adorable." Suddenly, he sits up properly and narrows his eyes against the bright sun, "Holy thhit, ith that Mituna? Mituna! _MT, HEY!_ "

He waves his brother over eagerly- it is Mituna, looking anxious about being out in public, hanging off Kurloz's arm- and they're joined on the grass. Despite his nerves, Mituna seems excited enough and there's a flower crown lopsided on top of his mess of hair. Like Eridan, he's had his face painted- presumably by his expert boyfriend because that paint is flawless. Kurloz looks no different from usual as he collapses beside Sollux, exchanging looks with him. He's not even taken his hoodie off in the scorching weather.

"I'M THO GLAD THAT YOU'RE HERE, THOLLUXTH!" Mituna yells, brightly. Several people turn to stare at them curiously. When they notice Mituna, they turn away politely, pretending like they saw nothing. This pisses Eridan off and Kurloz's hands curl easily into fists, fierceness filling his indigo eyes.

"I'm glad to thee you too, Mituna." Sollux adjusts his brother's flower crown so that it's straight, "Did Kurloz get you thith? It'th cool." Either neither them have noticed the looks they're getting or they simply don't care. Eridan guesses that it's the latter.

"It'th like girlth clotheth, like Eridan wearth." Mituna informs him.

"Yeah."

"Like Latula wearth boyth clotheth, me and Eridan can wear girlth thingth." Mituna nods.

Sollux elbows Eridan and mutters: "I think you might be a role-model."

And Eridan just about beams with pride. "It looks vvery nice, Mituna."

"I know! I wanted to get you one too to thay thank you for being my new brother, Eridan! I like you a lot!" Kurloz pulls a slightly more crumpled flower crown out of his bag and hands it to Mituna, who shoves it into Eridan's hands. It's a little green band with purple flowers and little green leaves on it and it's perfect. Immediately, Eridan straightens it out and puts it on, trying not to screw up his hair. It is perfect. Until, Mituna tackles him in a hug and it's knocked askew. He doesn't mind too much and hugs Mituna back, laughing.

Mituna's a good kid but it's strange to think him and Eridan are only three months apart in age.

* * *

Everybody is surprised that Damara bothered to make an appearance but nobody is more surprised than Kankri Vantas. They went to high school together, so he knows her, sure, but he hasn't seen her since that trip to the aquarium. He wasn't looking much at her then, since he was paying more attention to Cronus.

He certainly wasn't expecting her to arrive today in the form of a tall lady dressed in a mix of yellow and purple with her long hair falling in loose waves around her face, red lipsticked lips curling into a smirk at the sight of him. She's got really long legs, perhaps because she's wearing a miniskirt, and Kankri is transfixed for a moment. She got really beautiful after high school- she'd been decent then but nothing impressive, just the average girl in anime shirts- and he's a little taken aback.

For a moment, he isn't sure if she recognises him or not. Then, she speaks. "Kanny. Long time since I see you. I think you are taller, yes?"

He makes sure to stand up to his full height, trying to be as tall as he can. She is tall and he barely reaches her shoulder. He huffs. "Yes, I did grow quite a lot after high school. I think my growth spurt-"

"No, I think I mistaken. You not any taller." She raises a hand as if measuring his height, "You still small. Must be able to look up lots of skirts from that height." She winks at him and flashes her undergarments at him.

"Uh, I don't, I, uh-" He stammers, revelling in his first look at Damara's underwear. They're bright red and laced, nothing too naughty, but still, he has to take a moment to compose himself. He's never seen a girl's underwear before. "It's nice to see you again. Why are you here today?" He hopes he doesn't sound too flustered.

"Terezi invited me to come." She shrugs and rakes a hand through her hair, pulling it over her left shoulder, "Have you seen her anywhere? I want to talk to her." Both of them glance around but Kankri doesn't spot either Pyropes anywhere. He doesn't even think they're here yet, so he doesn't know why he bothers looking. Half of him is hoping they'll show, whilst the other half is dreading that they will. Latula still wants to kick his ass- and she is more than capable of it.

"No, I don't think she's here yet. Would you like to hang around with me for a short while?"

Damara looks disappointed to be in his company. "I suppose I must."

"So..." Kankri tries to look somewhere other than her legs. He can't.

"Vwovw, babe." Cronus appears, still waving the camera enthusiastically; he winks at Damara, "Remember me from the aquarium? It's Cro. Remember me?" He winks at her again, so it looks almost as if he's developed a twitch. His attention drawn away, Kankri presses his sweater sleeve to his mouth to snigger into it.

"I have boyfriend." Damara says instantly, adjusting her red bra strap obviously, "Back off, sleaze."

Kankri notes that his old acquaintance's vocabulary seems to have expanded significantly.

"Ouch, Damz. There's no need to be so harsh on an innocent soul like m-"

"Cronus, please." Kankri rolls his eyes, "Go and find something better to do. I'd like to discuss some things with my old friend here."

Cronus rolls his eyes but makes himself scarce.

Thankfully, Damara is no longer trying to appeal to him- or mock him, or scare him, or whatever she's been attempting to do- and instead stares at him with intense brown eyes. He's never noticed quite how dark her eyes are before. He feels as if she's staring right into him and can't break her gaze away.

"You wanted to talk to me, Mr Vantas, sir?" She says, sounding interested.

"Yes. I just said that." Kankri blinks in confusion. Wasn't she listening?

"So..?" Damara raises an eyebrow, expectantly, "What is it?"

"How have you been?" He inquires.

Her expression seems to fade to disappointment, her dark waves of hair falling into her face as her gaze drops to the ground, "I am fine. But I thought you tell me something about Aradia. Do you think that she... You know?" She makes a horribly crude slit wrist gesture and Kankri shudders, drawing back.

"You'd have to ask Kurloz. Besides, I'd rather know how you're coping."

"I told you already." She tosses her hair back, irritated, "I have boyfriend, Kanny."

"Me too. Aren't I allowed to be concerned about my old friend?"

She considers this for a moment. "We were never friends."

Somehow, he isn't really surprised when she turns on her heel and swishes away to find somebody better to talk to. He may not know Damara all that well but he's known her a while and he is qualified in therapy. So, he knows how to recognise her response. For a few seconds, Damara had considered telling him something- telling him something about her instead of about Aradia. She'd almost spoken of herself but something had caused her to clam up, putting her defences up. It seems that Damara Megido isn't as tough as she makes out- there was a gap in her armour. And perhaps because Kankri feels guilty about Aradia still, he's determined to help Damara Megido. But first, he's got to talk to her.

He walks after her.

* * *

"Vwoah, vwoah, vwoah." Cronus makes a reappearance, camera still in hand, "Vwhat's goin' dovwn owver here? This looks much more interestin' than vwatchin' Kan try to chat to the Asian chick." He crouches down beside Eridan, making Mituna back up quickly and shy behind his boyfriend.

"Oh yeah, I guethth that you guyth haven't met yet. CN, thith ith my brother." Sollux introduces, "Thith ith Mituna. My older brother. Lay a finger on him and I will kick your athth. MT, thith ith Cronuth. He'th going to be your brother too, when me and ED get married. He'th a dick. You don't have to like him. I don't."

Mituna peers from behind Kurloz, curious but frightened.

Cronus winks at him. "'Ey there, chief."

Mituna shrinks back again.

"Cro, fuck off." From here, Eridan can spot bitten nails that have been painted bright yellow digging into Kurloz's shoulders and he smiles just a little. He honestly can't believe that he's actual made an impression- on Mituna Captor of all people. He's pulled from his thoughts when he's tapped on the shoulder and suddenly, the bright and beautiful face of Feferi Peixes is close to his. She pecks him on the cheek, smiling, and plants herself on his lap. She's wearing an assortment of pink bracelets that jangle as she wraps her arms around him.

"Fef! You're here!"

"Erifin, there's no need to sound so glubbing excited. I told you I was coming, didn't I?" She smiles at him, "There's an awful lot of people here." She glances around and takes in the sight with an even wider smile, as if it makes her happy just to be here.

Eridan feels pretty happy to be here too.

But the thing that makes him happier in the grin on Sollux's face as he leans against Mituna and talks with him about some video game.

"Howw are you?" Eridan asks, for lack of something to say.

"I'm great!" Feferi says, bubbly; before looking around and leaning in close to whisper, "I think Meenah's here. I'm going to just hide with you guys, okay?"

Eridan nods. "Shore thin'."

His friend giggles and it sounds like the froth of sea water on the beach.

* * *

It was a mistake letting Terezi drag her here. That much is clear.

"Maybe we should go, babez." She nudges her little sister, as soon as she catches sight of Kankri Vantas. He's obviously talking- loud enough that she can pick out his voice but not loud enough for her to be able to pick out individual words- and gesturing wildly with both hands. And his victim, a tall Japanese girl with long hair falling down her back in slight curls, has her back to them and seems to be listening. They're standing underneath a tree, partially shaded from view. Latula doesn't want to move any closer than this.

"Why, what's wrong?" Terezi asks, "looking" around to see what's up, "Do you see Damara anywhere? I invited her; we were going to hang out together. I feel bad for her, y'know? Obviously I was pretty torn up about Aradia but Damara's live just seemed to collapse, right? I don't think it was just because of Aradia, obviously, but things were going so well until then. Her life was demolished. Honestly, I think she misses Aradia even more than Sollux does. That's saying something. Speaking of which, can Sollux stay over sometime soon? I thought we could have a sleepover, just like old times! Plus, he promised to watch Gotham with me."

Terezi is rambling and Latula isn't really listening. "Sure. Solcap can stay over sometime."

_Damara Megido_. God, there's a name Latula doesn't hear around anymore. But she had known her in high school and she had been one of the hundreds to make the mistake of getting laid with her. Though, was it really a mistake? After all, Damara was a good fuck- if nothing else, she was practiced. Still, Latula didn't really lean towards girls at all. She'd been drunk and it had been high school, nothing more than that. It hadn't meant anything.

She was sure that it meant nothing.

Still, she hasn't heard anything about Damara since "her little sister died tragically and nobody likes to talk about it". Of course, Latula wasn't an idiot and she knew what Terezi was up to. Her mom's accident and Aradia's accident did occur minutes apart and were most likely connected. But she didn't like to think about things like that- sad thoughts could be a total bummer. Instead, Latula tried to focus on the positive things like... Like.... Hey, it was a pretty nice day today. And her sister looks really cute. And Mituna (spotted with Kurloz) looks very happy. This is a good day, she's sure of it.

"Hey." Latula interrupts her sister, who is still talking somehow, (kid's always had one hell of a mouth on her), "Sollux is over there. A little to the left and straight ahead. Why don't you go over there and invite him to the sleepover? I've got... To go and do something. Yeah."

"Okay, Tula!" Terezi says, eagerly, and she dashes off without a second thought. She's easy to distract and before long, she's tackling Sollux Captor to the ground and yelling at him about sleepovers and Pokémon and milkshakes. God, Latula is not looking forward to that party. She can still remember the sleepovers when the silly pair were younger and they'd caused chaos wherever they went. Things were broken, they yelled, they wrestled, they laughed, they dared each other to dumb things. Separate, Sollux was a reasonably quiet kid and Terezi was just about manageable. But the two of them together could be little demons. Latula made a note to lock away anything breakable if Sollux came to say. She didn't trust them to behave, even as adults.

For now, Latula puts the thought out of her mind and forces herself to step towards Kankri and what must be Damara. It's like walking through treacle, as her mind screams not to do this, just leave them be. They don't want her here. Not Kankri, who isn't on speaking terms with her, and Damara, who seems to hate just about everyone. Everyone except Terezi actually, which is a little strange. After all, Terezi can be pretty irritating and Damara makes it clear that she does not tolerate bullshit of any kind. Latula wonders when that friendship formed behind her back- perhaps when Terezi was investigating murders behind her back. Hm.

Eventually, she manages to get close enough to her... Peers. Close enough to yell:

"HEY! Kanny, Damz!"

Surprised, the Vantas boy seems to jolt like he was pushed and steps forward to stare at her in what is definitely either shock or fear. Which is a little ironic, since he was the one that had ruined everything with his loud voice and nosy attitude. Damara sweeps around to face her and her thin red lips stretch into a smirk. It seems to take up her entire face, like a cat's grin.

"How you say... What is up, Latula?" Damara waves a hand in a vague sort of gesture, as if she was going for a high-five but took it back last minute, "It is nice to see you again. I not see you in long, long time. How are you?"

Everything about Damara is sharp, from the shape of her eyebrows to the curves of elbows to the shapes of her legs. She's like a precariously cut-out paper doll that's all points and edges. Also like a paper doll, she seems surprisingly flat- mentally and physically. She doesn't have much of a chest and isn't very curvy, a bit like a boy. That's when Latula abruptly remembers one thing that she forgot about Damara Megido- she's intersex, of course she is. No wonder she's got some sort of pride flag pinned in her hair. She'd learned a lot from that one time they'd got it on- the number one thing being that underneath all the miniskirts, Damara actually has a dick, which had been... Different.

But Latula had grown up with a transgendered sister, so it wasn't anything too odd for her. Besides, she was kind of impressed that Damara was prepared to flaunt who she was.

Speaking of which, Kankri thrusts a handful of flags at Latula, watching her warily to see which one she picked up. Eyeing them, she suddenly feels out of place here. Because, despite it all, Latula is 90% sure she is straight, even if it seems like everybody she knows isn't. She grins at Kankri and rolls her eyes.

"I'm straight, dumbass."

"... Of course." Kankri blinks and hands her a black and white flag.

"Thanks." Latula manages to keep her grin up, "And to answer your question, I'm pretty chill, Damara. How 'bout cha?"

"I'm... "Pretty chill", also, I guess." Damara makes the inverted commas with her fingers, a strange expression on her pretty, painted face. Her eye make-up looks smudged, as if she's been tearing up. Latula fidgets with her gloves- red, elbow length, from her limited edition Wonder Woman costume- and notices that Damara's eyes are startlingly pretty. She doesn't find this pretty because she likes Damara but because she has simply never seen eyes so brown and big and wonderful. If only they sparkled like the stars instead of cutting like knives, then they'd be perfect.

Latula clears her throat. "Good, good. Man, it's a been a long time since I've seen either of you. Kanny, how's it going with, y'know, your bf?" She nudges him and he flushes a bright shade of red, looking away and tugging on his sleeve.

"Oh... You know... Fine." He says, vaguely, "How did you even know about that?"

"TZ knows everybody's secrets, hun." Latula taps the side of her nose.

"Right, of course." Kankri seems to stiffen.

* * *

"Tho, how'd the thurgery go?" Sollux asks, stuffing a handful of chips in his mouth.

Terezi shrugs. "Good, I guess. I'm still a bit sore." She winks at him.

"You had surgery?" Eridan inquires, curiously, "Sollux, you nevver tell me anythin'!"

He whines and leans against Sollux, who pats his hair with the hand that isn't greasy with salt.

"You didn't need to know." Sollux says, because he knows Terezi doesn't like people talking about her unless she's approved what they're saying first; in short, she doesn't like people talking shit. That's when Sollux spots somebody in the far distance and sits up quickly on his heels, pushing Eridan off his lap. His boyfriend lands unceremoniously on the grass and complains loudly about it, but Sollux is too busy staring.

"Hey, that'th Vrithka!"

He's never seen Terezi's head snap around so fast before, "Where?"

"Thhe'th with thome other girl- her thithter, I guethth, or her couthin- with thhorter hair. They're not far from here, lookth like they're going to thee your thithter, TZ." Abruptly, Sollux pauses, "You know Vrithka?"

Terezi tenses. "Sollux, don't you remember?" Suddenly, her voice seems to soften and she turns back to him, patting him on the arm in a way that makes him feel more panicked, "Vriska went to school with us. Do you remember?"

He doesn't remember. "High thchool?"

"Vriska. She was on the volleyball team. She bullied Tavros Nitram for years. And she hated Aradia an awful lot, she was always rolling her eyes at us. We hid from Vriska in that supply closet one time." She's looking at him in a strange way, "You remember all that, right?"

"Uh...." No, he doesn't remember, "Sure."

That's not to say that he doesn't remember anything. A lot of what she's saying sounds vaguely familiar and he does remember being crushed in a supply closet with Terezi and Aradia, during junior year. But he doesn't remember why or what they talked about or how long they hid in there. Vriska... He remembered her swish of blue hair and her glasses. But he knew her from the hospital he'd stayed at, not from high school. Had she really gone to high school with them?

Anyway, Terezi was yelling for her to come over.

It took a few moments for the girl to hear but when she did, she turned to them immediately with a puzzled look on her face. It turned from confusion to a sneer in bare seconds, as she sauntered over with her ponytail of blue hair swishing in her wake.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" Vriska turns her nose up, "Terezi and her group of nerdy little friends. What a bunch of _losers_!" She puts her hands on her hips- much like Eridan often does- and looks down at them all, "Let's see: the Blind Blunder, her sidekick Lispy McBraces and their faithful friend, the walking Pride Parade."

Any other time, Sollux would have complained that his nickname didn't have any alliteration in it. Instead, he said dumbly: "Lithpy ithn't a word."

_"Lithpy ithn't a word!"_ Vriska mocks.

"Thhut up." Sollux huffs.

Vriska stuck her tongue out. "Anyways, Miss Legislacerator. How about you and I go for a stroll around the grounds and discuss our next move?"

"Of course, Miss Marquise." Terezi leaps to her feet, "Shall we?"

Then, Terezi fucking loops her arms through Vriska's and they stride off.

"Terezi and... Um, the blue-hair girl thitting in a tree!" Mituna yells after them, "K-I-TH-TH-I-N-G! Firtht cometh... Uh... What cometh firtht again?"

"Cohabitation?" Kurloz suggests. Even though Mituna definitely doesn't know what that means, he starts giggling helplessly. Maybe that's because he'd laugh at anything Kurloz said- he's not exactly subtle about liking him, after all.

Eridan starts talking about the Serket family with a tone of disdain. Sollux doesn't hear any of it. He just stares at the ground and tries to remember high school. Memories seem to come and go with very little warning sometimes but one thing that he was certain he had remembered was high school. How could he forget his time with Aradia? The initial crushing, the sharpness in his chest whenever he saw her, then the dating, and the kissing and the loving-making in quick succession, the long drives, the fighting, the-

The next thing that Sollux is aware of is loud crashing and he turns just in time to see Damara Megido tackling somebody. She's quite thin and bony looking but she pins the other person with ease, which brings up a strong memory of something he can't quite grasp. Upon closer inspection, she is sprawled on top of Meenah Peixes and cursing at her in a mix of English and Japanese, her hands scraping at the girl's body. Her mouth is bright red and open as she yells, her eyes wide-open and frightening.

Latula easily tears Damara off- she's incredibly strong- and lifts her up, not letting her go. In her arms, the Japanese girl is still screaming and kicking in a way that reminds Sollux of...

_oh fuck Rufioh Nitram and the blood and the heels and his face and he'd crashed into the sidewalk and he'd run away and he hadn't come back they'd never seen him again because Damara always had a new one a new boyfriend oh fuck the blood and he'd had to leave Aradia there even though his brain was screaming DANGER DANGER because Damara Megido could be dangerous and all he could do was watch and oh god the blood oh fuck the blood the blood the blood the blood-_

Eridan grabbed him by the arm to stop him falling. "Sol, you okay?"

"Yeah. Jutht... Nothing." He shakes it off. What a horrible memory.

Damara is still yelling, shaking her fist, but Latula is gripping her tightly and Terezi and Feferi are trying their best to calm the older girl down. For whatever reason, Kankri has vanished from sight, as if scared off by the sight of two girls fighting brutally, if briefly. He'd probably find it triggering or something.

"Guess this is wwhat happens wwhen wwe get evverybody together." Eridan says, sadly.

"No, thith ith what happenth when Meenah Peixeth turnth up." Sollux rolls his eyes, "Thhe'th like me. Everything thhe toucheth turnth to thhit."

"Alvways the optimist, Captor." Cronus smirks, appearing behind them and making Eridan jump, "Looks like the cat fight is over." He nods to where Damara has finally been released and has fallen to her knees; Meenah is nowhere in sight, "Let's all go get somethin' to drink. Bet Miss Megido vwould appreciate some company."

"Jeez, I nevver thought I'd see the day you showwed concern for somebody other than yourself."

"DM..." Sollux wonders if he looks like that when he's angry.

He shudders at the thought.


	34. ACT FOUR: Part Two

Eridan was running late. 

He'd dashed off about noon to collect his dad and drag him along to this stupid family dinner (that nobody particularly wanted to be attending) and there hadn't been hide or hair of him since. Considering it had been nearly a full hour, Sollux was starting to get downright anxious about the whole affair. Where in the flying fuck was Eridan? There had been no calls, no texts, no nothing. Even Sollux's Dads were beginning to shift in their seats. 

"Lux, you are sure that he said half-twelve?" 

"I'm pothitive." 

"Well, if they don't show up soon, we're going to have to assume they're not coming." Dad Two was a lot like Sollux, in that he wasn't very good at waiting around for other people. Neither of them would slow down to let other people catch up. Now, he looked uncomfortable in his best clothes (because, of course, they'd all had to dress up for the freaking rich-and-snobby-as-fuck Amporas) and seemed as if he might make a run for the door any minute. 

Honestly, Sollux felt exactly the same way, on the verge of escaping any way he could. That was the nerves talking, he supposed, but he really wanted to go home. Or anywhere. Just not here. He couldn't bear being here any longer. 

"When are they going to get here?" Mituna is actually bouncing up and down in his seat, impatient and irritable. It's just Sollux's luck that the one day he wants Mituna to behave is the one day that he refuses to. Though, he can't blame his brother for having a bad day really. After all, Sollux understands how hard the bad days can be. 

"Soon, I'm sure." Dad One has taken the role of "level-headed parent" as per usual and pats Mituna on the back, "Hang in there. I'm sure Mr Ampora has just been caught up somewhere. They'll be here any minute." 

"I hope tho." Mituna crosses his arms, sulking, "I want to thee Eridan." It's kind of impressive how quickly he's grown attached to a man that he originally hated but honestly, Sollux thinks it's the whole "boys can wear girls clothes" revelation that swung that. Mituna really seems to like it and now, he's been wearing a lot of hair clips in his mess of hair. It could be a phase or Eridan could have seriously become a role model. Sollux finds the whole thing rather amusing. 

Mituna kicks him under the table and Sollux pulls a face. 

"Honey..." Dad One addresses Sollux gently, giving his son a sympathetic look, "I'm not sure how much longer we can wait this out. Mituna's beginning to get irritable-"

Right on cue, the doors to the restaurant are flung open in an overly-dramatic gesture and in sweeps the Amporas. Actually, Eridan sweeps, his dad behind him and bellowing something about poor service; Cronus just kind of trudges after them, trying desperately to look as if he isn't related to them. Apparently, the sight of Donovan "Dualscar" Ampora is enough to change everything because both of Sollux's dads sit bolt upright, exchanging looks. Mituna shrinks back into himself, playing with the salt shaker and quietly turning it into a race car, driving it across the table. He doesn't say a word.

Sollux stands to grab hold of his boyfriend, dragging him over to sit beside him. Much to his obvious pleasure, Mr Ampora- because Dualscar sounds too weird and Donovan is too informal- sits himself at the head of the table and surveys them as they're his subjects. 

"Wwell!" He booms and Mituna whimpers, "Wwhat havve wwe here? Commoners!" He laughs like it's a joke and Eridan chuckles nervously. 

"Daddy." He pleads, "Don't be silly. Wwhat wwill Sol's parents think of you?" 

"Of course. I'm just screwwin' wwith 'em, Dan." Mr Ampora smiles at his son before turning his attention to Sollux's dads, "And you must be the Captors." 

Dad One clears his throat. "Please, it's Paul. And this is my husband, Noah." 

Dad Two is suddenly very interested in cleaning his glasses with the hem of his shirt. 

"Honey." Dad One rolls his eyes, "You promised you'd be social." He sighs and gives up, "Of course, you know Sollux, Mr Ampora."

Mr Ampora's terrifying gaze falls on Sollux, who stares back defiantly. 

"And this is our other son- our eldest. Mituna." 

At the sound of his name, Mituna looks up and blinks at Mr Ampora through his thick hair like he isn't really sure what he's seeing. "Hiya, Mr Eridan." And he laughs nervously, knocking the salt shaker off the table and swearing loudly, diving under the table to pick it up. He doesn't crawl back from under the table, instead staying there and clinging to Sollux's leg. It's a little distracting but Sollux doesn't say a word. 

Mr Ampora's eyebrows furrow like there's something he wants to say. "Hello... Mituna." 

Hearing his name, Mituna whimpers but says nothing. Sollux makes no attempt to coax him out from under the table but ruffles his hair to try and calm him a little. 

There's an awkward pause so Eridan chirps up. "Paul, Noah, this is my big brother. Cronus." 

"'Ey." Cronus looks up from where he's texting, "'Sup, Mr Captors? S'nice to meetcha." 

"It's a pleasure, Cronus." Dad One says, though it really isn't. 

"So, shall wwe order somethin' to drink?" Mr Ampora asks, rubbing his temples, and nodding was Sollux's first mistake. 

Time passes reasonably quickly after that- too quickly and Sollux starts to wonder if it's his brain acting up again. He finds himself drumming his fingers on the table, anxious. After a few drinks, Mr Ampora grows even bolder and things go from awkward to bad to worse. Mituna gets anxious. And Dad Two, the hotter tempered of their dads, starts yelling back at Mr Ampora. Needless to say, it all goes to shit. 

By the time they leave the restaurant, Eridan is crying silently and Sollux supports him by wrapping an arm tightly around him and squeezing him. Cronus doesn't say anything, except from occasionally muttering "dicks". 

"So, how'd it go?" Kankri is sat on the couch, when they arrive back home, holding a cup of tea with both hands. On his left, Karkat and Dave are tangled together in a way that makes it hard to decide where one of them ends and the other one starts. Dave is snoring against his boyfriend's shoulder. 

"Hovw do you think it vwent?" Cronus raises an eyebrow.

"Oh god, it went badly?" Kankri sits up properly, putting his tea down and turning fully to look at them. His eyebrows furrow together and Sollux can tell that he's about to offer some family counselling to them. He shakes his head before the therapist could say anything. 

"Dad thaid Mr Ampora wath a thitty excuthe for a parent and that he thhould be athhamed for hith poor treatment of hith children." Sollux sighs.

"Goodness." Kankri looks shocked, "Your dad said that?" 

"It getth worthe." Sollux assures him, "My other dad went on to thay that he underthtood the grief becauthe he'd lotht hith firtht wife but it didn't mean that Mr Ampora could treat hith thonth badly. And that Mrth Ampora would be athhamed." 

Watching Mr Ampora's face slowly turn purple had been both amusing and terrifying. He looked as if he were a bomb that was about to explode and Sollux had slid down in his seat, trying to avoid being in firing range. He'd glanced at Eridan, who looked like he couldn't decide whether to intervene or not, flapping about anxiously. 

On one hand, Sollux had liked that his dad was calling Mr Ampora out on the shit. But on the other hand, Mr Ampora looked ready to start strangling kittens. 

"And then." Eridan interrupts Sollux's thoughts, "Daddy said that Sol's dads are the ones that should be ashamed of themselvves. And that Mituna wwas clear proof that same-sex couples couldn't raise children. He actually fuckin'-" Eridan growls, "I hate him." 

Sollux remembered the anger that had filled him at his statement and he'd felt it rushing through him and he'd stood. And... Eridan had been forced to grab his hand tightly and pull him away. To hold him back because he wanted so desperately to punch Mr Ampora's face in. Because Mituna couldn't help being the way he was and it certainly had nothing to do with their dad's parenting skills. Mituna was a handful, sure, but their dads loved him. They had adopted two kids that nobody else had wanted and honestly, they deserved medals for dealing with the shit that they put up with on a daily basis. They did not deserve shit from Donovan Ampora of all people. 

"Ewverybody started yellin'." Cronus finishes, "And Cap's dads just vwalked out in the end, takin' Mituna vwith them. He vwas cryin' and apologisin' like it vwas his fault. Dad looked ready to kill, so vwe just left as vwell." 

"I hate him." Eridan repeats; and his hands clench into fists, "I fuckin' hate him. You don't understand howw much I hate him." 

"Eridan, come here." Kankri pats the spot beside him on the couch and Eridan collapses there, letting his therapist wrap his arms around him and attempt to soothe him, "I know that it's hard. Parents can be difficult. They... Don't accept things very well. I'm sure that your dad still loves you, he just doesn't know what he's saying." 

"I still hate him." Eridan's voice is muffled against Kankri's shoulder, "Sol's dads are the nicest people I evver met. It's not fair for Daddy to talk to them like that. It's not fair on them or Mituna. And it's not fair on me either. You don't just tell your gay son that gay parents are bad, do you?" 

"No, Eridan, you don't. The things he said sound awful and I'm sorry that the four of you had to be there. It must have been very painful." Kankri says, gently as he can. 

"You didn't hear wwhat he said to me before he left." Eridan is shaking in Kankri's arms, "Kan, fuck, he said that if me and Sol evver had children, he wwouldn't havve nothin' to do with them. That's just not fair. I don't evven think he's goin' to come to the wweddin'."

"Screvw him, Dan, you don't need him there." Cronus says, "Vwe don't need him in our liwves anymore." He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, smoothing it back, "I need a smoke." On that note, he disappears back out of the front door and shuts it behind him. 

"He's so awwful to us but I lovve him anywway. Is that bad? Does that make me a bad person?" Eridan exhales, "Shit, I just knoww he hates me noww. I shouldn't wwant his approvval, right?"

Finally, Kankri seems to notice that Sollux is still lingering and sends him away with strict instructions to make them some green tea. Well, fuck if he knows how to make any kind of tea but he googles it on his phone and gets on with it anyway. He can still hear them talking on the couch but he forces himself not to listen, getting out those old headphones from Kurloz and slipping them on. He turns music up loud enough to hurt his ears and gets to work making tea, smashing four cups in the process and swearing. He just brushes the broken shards into the trash. 

Unlike Eridan, he doesn't feel upset about anything that happens. Sure, he's angry, but he's used to this kind of treatment. He, Terezi and Aradia had grown up in a pretty shitty neighbourhood but as crap as it was, the school that they went to was predominantly full of white, straight, cisgender kids. And though he wouldn't say that he was bullied, Sollux was certainly a nice, shiny target. He was the heterochromatic biracial kid with the gay parents and the brain damaged older brother; of course he was a fucking target. 

Sure, people left him alone after he started flipping shit and they got scared, but he still heard the whispers. He knew just what people thought of him and his family. For a while, it pissed him off and it still does, to an extent. 

But he can remember one day that he came from school, after the school called his parents to tell them that he'd punched a wall in anger and injured himself, that his dad had told him he had to ignore it. 

"You think we don't know the shit that people say about us, Sollux?" Dad One had said, as he'd carefully re-bandaged Sollux's bleeding knuckles, "The things that people say about Mituna? I know what they say. But I don't give a shit anymore. You've gotta stop caring what people say, y'know. That's the first step in pulling your shit together." 

"Dad, that'th really crappy advice." Sollux had told him.

"Maybe it is. But you're not gonna make it if flip out every time somebody says something fucking disgusting about us." His dad told him, "People are gonna say stuff, Sollux. But you can't just hit people for it. You can't fight back like that. You'll get hurt." He held up Sollux's bandaged hand as proof, "See?" 

"I can't jutht let them-" 

"No, you're not letting them do anything. You're ignoring them. Because you know that there's nothing wrong with me and dad." 

Sollux had nodded fiercely. 

"And you know that Mituna's a great kid, don't you? He's a good brother to you, isn't he?" 

Sollux nodded again. 

"So, you just gotta ignore these kids. Because you know they're complete dicks."

"I know, Dad. I'll try." 

"There's my boy." Dad One had ruffled his hair, "Now, go play with your brother. I think he's upset that you hurt yourself again. Go play, go on." 

Now, Sollux still gets funny looks from people, especially when he's with Mituna. The worst ones are the looks of pity, sure, when people intentionally look away from them. But he ignores them because he knows that there are good people in the world. He knows that there are people like Eridan and Kankri and Feferi and Karkat and even Cronus, who seems to be figuring out that most of the shit that was drummed into him as a kid is wrong. 

So, he doesn't get upset anymore, not like Eridan. Sollux gets pissed off but he doesn't cry about it anymore. Eridan's gotta learn to toughen up a little but Sollux isn't going to push him. His boyfriend will figure that out in his own time. 

He slips his headphones off, inhales deeply and takes the green tea back through. He hands one cup to Eridan, who is now teary eyed, and the other cup to the therapist. 

"Thank you, Sollux." Kankri says, sharply, and he definitely is not happy about all the cups that Sollux broke. Sollux can tell just from the look in his eyes. 

"Th'nothing." Sollux shrugs, "I think I'm going to go to bed." 

"Before you go, I have to ask if you're okay." Kankri says, "Would you like me to invite Kurloz over? Perhaps you-" 

Thankfully, Karkat butts in, lifting his head up and scowling at them. "For fucks sake, let the man rest. I doubt you sticking your big nose is going to help him. Fuck off and go to bed, Captor." 

Thank god for Karkat Vantas. 

Ignoring the put-off look on Kankri's face, Sollux leaves the room and heads to the bathroom. And he showers, trying not to think about how hard Mituna had been crying when they'd left. See, like Eridan, Mituna also needs to develop a thicker skin. He's very easily hurt or upset. However, unlike Eridan, Mituna isn't really capable of it. He doesn't understand why people don't treat him like everybody else (honestly, Sollux doesn't understand why either) and it upsets him an awful lot. Mituna is sensitive; he cried for three weeks when Honey Loops changed their box design. Sollux didn't care and glared at the cereal box as usual. Just being near honey made his skin itch. 

After he's showered, he takes his pills and cleans his teeth, and takes himself to bed. At first, he tries hard to sleep but realises quickly that it's futile. He's just tossing and turning, uncomfortable and unable to ignore his thoughts. Because he can't get Mituna out of his mind, he calls home and is surprised at who picks up. 

"Captor residence, Kurloz speaking." 

"Hey Kurlozth. It'th Tholluxth." 

There's a pause. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah." Sollux pauses, "Can you athk Eridan to put anything... Y'know thharp away jutht in cathe?" 

"Sure thing, brother. I'll text him as soon as you hang up. What did you want?" 

"Ith my brother okay?" 

"I wouldn't say okay but he's stopped crying and now he's watching Bee Movie. He's calmed down considerably." 

"I'm glad. Take care of him. I'll come round soon, tell him that."

"I'll be sure to pass it on." 

"Have a good night, KZ." 

"You too, Sollux."


	35. [S]: ARADIA'S LETTERS

_Dear Sollux,  
There's so much I need to talk to you about, sweetheart. But I honestly have no idea where I would begin, so I can't tell you any of it. Not to your face anyway because I'm sure that you'd hate me if you found out some of things that I'm keeping secrets from you. You'd probably be really, really mad at me. _

_But bottling all of this up inside is really hard and sometimes I want to scream at everybody. Sometimes, I want to scream at myself for being such a moron. I don't have the energy to do it; all I have the energy to do is sit here and think to myself. Inside my mind, I am screaming all the time._

_If only the rest of you could hear my screaming._

_I haven't been able to return any of your messages recently and I'm really sorry about that._

_But I've been really occupied with.... Things. I've been busy thinking a lot, thinking a lot about dying. Do you ever wonder what it's like? You've been closer to death more times than I ever have... You must have thought about it a few times, right? It's not weird that I've been thinking about it a lot since your last... You know know._

_And whilst I'm really glad that I got there before you could... You know, I do sometimes wonder about what could have happened. Not in a cruel way. I don't want you to die, Sollux, of course I don't. But I just... I don't know. I need an easy way to get away from all of this and that includes you._

_I'm sorry._

_I can't deal with us anymore._

_Love Aradia xox_

The letters seem to get shorter, the closer they get to the date of Aradia's death and Kurloz can understand why. It's hard to explain why but he can feel her frustration, her anger, her emptiness, her depression as she writes. Her scratchy shorthand conveys the fact that she was in a bad state of mind when these were written and that she seemed to be in some kind of a rush. Terezi was right, it does seem as if Aradia's hand was badly shaking, like she was upset. Some of the words are almost impossible to read, blurry smudges, so perhaps she was crying too. 

It makes Kurloz sad to think about, to think about this young girl hunched over some letters and sobbing her eyes out. A girl that nobody reached out to- that he was meant to reach out to. It doesn't just upset him, it makes him feel guilty. 

Apparently, it doesn't upset Terezi, because it helps her think that Aradia is in a much happier place now than she was. **Besides** , Terezi writes in one of her frequent emails, **We're working on letting go of the past. Thinking about it only hurts people- especially Sollux. I have faced up to my past, Kurloz, and now I want to drop the matter entirely. Momma wouldn't want me to delve any further into this case. It's not our business. Just leave it alone.**

It was such an abrupt change from her original attitude, that Kurloz was very surprised to receive the email in the first place. He's never heard such a sad tone from Terezi. She sounds really distressed by the whole affair and who can blame her? Suicide has never exactly been a happy matter. Maybe she's right, maybe they should just leave it alone now. 

That's why he's arranged to meet Terezi today- not to discuss the letters but just to hang out- at their local mall to poke around and maybe buy her a few gifts to say thank you for helping with the case. He's pretty much sealed it; he just needs to type up a few notes and then, he'll never to think about Miss Megido ever again. He'll be glad to leave her alone and let her rest peacefully in her grave, six feet under. 

Maybe he'll even go and visit and say goodbye, properly. 

Currently, he's waiting outside the mall for Terezi to make an appearance. In the meantime, he's occupying his thoughts by thinking about Mituna and their plans for the future. It took a little while but between them, they have nearly convinced Mituna's parents to let him finally move out of his home. Mr and Mr Captor seemed real surprised (and a little hurt) when Mituna asked if he could move out and live somewhere with Kurloz instead. It was Mituna's idea for them to live together, since he saw how happy Eridan and Sollux were and got it into his head that it was because they got to be together all the time. 

Kurloz isn't going to argue, since he'd quite like to live with Mituna. Though his boyfriend can certainly be a handful, he'd loved to be able to spend every hour of the day with Mituna curled up next to him or on his lap. It sounds odd to say but Kurloz is certain that Mituna is his happy place and that just having the other man around uplifts him considerably. He'd really like to spend more time with him, so that they could both feel a lot happier. 

Mituna has told Kurloz before that he doesn't want to live at home anymore because:

1\. He's a grown-up and shouldn't have to live with his dads.

2\. Sollux doesn't have to live at home anymore- which probably means he's the favourite. (Mituna's words not Kurloz's) 

3\. His dads don't buy the right kind of pasta apparently. 

4\. Mituna's dads don't like Kurloz coming round but Mituna wants to see him more.

5\. If he moved out, Mituna wouldn't have an early bedtime anymore. 

6\. Nobody else has to live with their parents, not even tiny Latula and she's really tiny. (This is apparently how Mituna refers to Terezi) 

Those are all the reasons that Mituna could come up with before he forgot which number he was on and got frustrated that he couldn't remember what came after six. Kurloz had just soothed him and assured him that he could move out soon. First, Kurloz has to find money for a nice place to live because he's not forcing Mituna into his shitty apartment. He thinks he'd like to have a nice house outside the city, somewhere close but not too busy. It sounds ridiculous when he's only thirty but Kurloz is tired and needs somewhere much quieter to live. The city life just isn't made for him. 

He's drawn out of his thoughts by the sound of somebody yelling for him. 

"KURLOZ, KURLOZ!" Terezi is racing towards him, having bolted from her sister's car as soon as she'd been pointed in the right direction. She's actually wearing a cape today, which is bright red and flowing behind her as she runs, as well as some very shiny boots and a pair of matching red gloves that reach past her elbows. Thankfully, she isn't wearing her underwear outside her pants because Kurloz isn't sure he'd be able to cope with that. At least, not without any kind of warning. 

He waits until she's close and grabs her by the arm. "Hey, Supergirl. Who're you off ta save today?" 

"I'm not Supergirl, I'm the Blind Justice." Terezi gestures to the libra symbol printed on her shirt, "Libra stands for justice. Dontcha know that, Kurloz? I was going to have BJ printed for Blind Justice but... Well, I was worried that it would be misinterpreted." 

"I can see how that would happen." Kurloz says, dryly, "Anyway, how have you been recently? I saw you briefly at Pride but you were tightly wrapped around Vriska Serket and paid me very little attention." 

That makes Terezi cackle. "How much did'ja see?" 

"Enough. I saw enough." Kurloz says, firmly. 

He'd been leaving with Mituna, having already promised to drive him back home after Pride, when he'd spotted the two girls in the distance. At first, they didn't seem to stand out anymore than any other couple but when he'd glanced again, he'd recognised the blue bracelet hung around a dark wrist. And the long blue hair that had been brushed over Vriska Serket's shoulder. As he'd watched, Terezi had leant in and pushed the hair back, kissing the girl for a long moment. When she broke away, they were both smiling and Mituna was tugging eagerly on Kurloz's arm and demanding to know what he was looking at. He told him it was nothing and they continued on their way. 

"Are the two of you together now?" Kurloz inquires, a little curious, and he takes Terezi's arm to guide her into the mall, "You and the blue-haired sister?" 

She grips his arm obediently, "Well... It's complicated. We have a long history of rivalry and I'm not sure if we'll be able to overcome that. But we... We have something." She fiddles with her belt buckle with her spare hand, suddenly distracted, "What stores did you want to visit, Investigator? And what did you want to ask me? You might as well spit it out, since I can smell your curiosity." She cackles, swinging him around, before dragging towards the entrance of the mall. How she knew the way to the door, he had no idea but she got him there easily, pushing the door open with one arm. She was strong for a girl of only... Twenty-something. 

He wasn't sure how old she was exactly but he was sure that she wasn't that much younger than him, strangely. He vaguely recalls Latula talking about her sister being held back a few grades but he didn't know how many. Terezi was smart enough but she didn't believe in studying or the work ethic, or some bullshit like that, if he remembered correctly. 

Terezi heads straight for a comic book store, a strange choice for somebody without working eyes. And she begins poking around, asking Kurloz what she was holding tightly in her gloved fists every few seconds. Still, she bats away the overeager sales assistant that tries to help her, insisting that she's fine. Then, she asks Kurloz to guide her to the Captain Americas. He does so and the sales assistant glowers at him, sulking behind their desk. 

As they browse, Kurloz decides to ask a few questions. "You seemed upset in your last email, sister." 

"Terezi." She corrects, "And I was. I am. I'm ready to close Aradia's case now and leave it alone. We know that she killed my mom. We know that she killed herself shortly after. We know these things. Why do we need to delve any further than that?" Abruptly, she turns away and stalks away from him, digging through a rack of comics without glancing back. 

Somehow, he gets the impression that he said exactly the wrong thing. He doesn't rush after her but he doesn't slow either, walking over to her quickly and grabbing her by the shoulder. Despite her blindness, he turns her to face him and leans closer so they won't be overheard. 

"Terezi... You said _killed_."

She just "stares" with empty eyes, her glasses slipping down her nose. "Mhm."

"So... Your mother..."

"Momma's dead." Terezi's voice breaks, squeaking in a strange way that he's never heard before, like the noise a mouse would make in a cartoon. She doesn't cry but she starts to shake, rocking on her heels, her fists clenching in an attempt to stop her hands quaking like a smoker's. Her breath comes out in short gasps. It's mildly horrifying to watch. Kurloz has seem a few people fall apart in his lifetime but this is the first time that it actually strikes a chord with him. Because this is Terezi and Terezi's Mom was dead and Terezi was freaking the fuck out. 

"Terezi..." He releases his grip on her arm, "Terezi?"

She doesn't respond. 

"Miss Blind Justice?" Kurloz tries. 

Terezi tries to laugh and it comes out as a strangled sob. "Investigator?" 

"Would you like to sit down?" He doesn't wait for an answer, guiding her from the store, well away the sales assistant that tries to approach them. Looking around, he settles for a small bench and pushes Terezi down on it. 

She sits there, removing her gloves so that she can use them to wipe the sweat off her palms. Quickly after, she stuffs them in her pockets and her hands come to rest on her knees. Because he's worried that she looks rather faint, Kurloz advises Terezi to lean down and put her head between her knees. She does so, breathing heavily, her chest visibly heaving. He's been around for long enough to recognise the start of a panic attack when he sees one, so he crouches beside her and does his best to soothe her. Just when he thinks that she might puke or pass out or something, she straightens up and "stares" at him. Her white eyes seem to bear into him.

Terezi tries to pretend like she's okay. Needless to say, it doesn't work. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kurloz asks, using his practised therapist voice. 

Terezi shudders, as if somebody had poured cold water on her head, and visibly hunches, as if trying to shrink as small as possibly. Her shoulders tense, her head tips, and she shakes like a sheet in the wind. Kurloz swears that he hears her sharp teeth chatter.

"Y-yeah." She manages a small nod, "You'll just f-find out anyw-way. I..." She opens her mouth to speak but just clenches up again, a hand racing to cover her mouth. Terezi isn't sick, swallowing hard, but she looks awful. 

"Take your time." He advises. 

Her left hand is still shaking badly and she can't seem to get it to stop. So, he takes it in his own and holds it tightly, surprised by how hot and clammy her hand is. At her touch, she lets out a sob but no tears come. He keeps ahold of her, rubbing at her skin and playing with the bracelet on her wrist. 

"You feel just like _h-him_!" Terezi doesn't pull away but instead, takes a deep breath, "I'm s-sorry." 

He pretends that he isn't hurt to be compared to his brother. He knows the awful things that Gamzee did, especially to Terezi. 

"Take your time, Terezi." Kurloz repeats. 

"I went to v-visit Momma." She begins, her face crumpling like a piece of paper, "In t-the hospital. She was... I don't know... Bad. I t-talked to her. The doctors were r-rushing around but all I c-could do was talk to h-her. I was n-no help at a-all." 

"And you stuck around?" Kurloz prompts, when she doesn't continue. 

"The doctors said to s-stay." Terezi hiccups, " _She's fading fast_ , they kept saying, and Latula wouldn't p-pick up her phone. Even w-when they p-pronounced Momma... Y'know... D-d-dead, I stayed. On my... O-o-own." 

Staring at the face of the young woman in front of him, Kurloz can only imagine how painful it must have been for her to sit and wait for her mother to die. To not be able to see anything, only be able to hear as the heart machine went flat and her mother stopped breathing. Kurloz wonders if she held her mother's hand, if she felt the warmth fading from her. 

By the time he'd come around, it had been far too late for Gamzee. He hadn't watched him die. Sometimes, he wished he could have. Other times, he hates himself for wanting this. 

Terezi adjusts her glasses, pushing them higher up onto her nose. "S-sorry." 

"No, it's okay. Has there been a funeral procession yet?" 

She nods. "Last week. It was j-just me and some of her e-exes. Vriska came too." 

Kurloz imagines a black funeral; Terezi stood in the front row dressed in bright red and insisting it's black, Vriska beside her in a knee-length dress and staring blankly at the coffin like she can't believe she's there. Faceless strangers filling the rest of the church, standing behind them with their heads bent. Terezi would stand up and sit down at the wrong times, laughing and crying.

"Latula didn't come?" He inquires. 

Terezi shakes her head firmly. "She w-won't talk to me a-anymore. She won't ev-even look at me n-now." 

He recalls how Terezi had bolted from her sister's car, like a shot fired from a gun, and thinks about the silence that settles over a home when somebody dies. When Kurloz's brother died, everything seemed to fade to shades of grey for a long time. The Pyrope's home doesn't have to be like that. It shouldn't be like that. 

Thinking back to his own trauma, he asks curiously. "Have you cried yet? Properly, I mean?"

"Nope." Terezi hiccups again, her eyes dry but her voice shaking. Squeezing his hand tightly, she leans forward and presses her face against his shoulder. It's the most intimate that he's ever been with anybody (other than Mituna) in a while and he shushes her gently, brushing a hand through her mess of thick curls. She doesn't make a sound, silent against him and still. 

"It w-was her heart that gave out." Terezi mumbles, calmer now, "My family has a history of weak hearts, you know. They didn't r-really kill her. That's why I c-can't let Sollux t-take the blame. That's w-why we can't tell him that he... Crashed into h-her." 

He doesn't know what to say to that. 

Once Terezi has calmed down enough, she insists that they return to shopping and drags him around half a million stores to look for a specific limited edition comic book that she's after. He's forced to read out the titles of every single one she picks out and each time, Terezi lets out a loud sigh of disappointment as if it's his fault. She doesn't say very much and he doesn't want to bring up the subject of his mother. 

But Kurloz does think about it and he decides that if anything, this has proved that Terezi Pyrope is human. Before, he was certain that she wasn't- because nobody human was as strong and awesome as her, surely. Watching Terezi collapse is like watching a mountain crumble. It reminds him that nobody is okay, even if they look it. He catches her rubbing at her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt, sniffing, and asks if she'd like to take another break. 

They find seats in the food court, by some cheap fast food place. Kurloz doesn't feel like eating anything, since his mouth has turned sand-paper dry and his stomach feels as if it's been turned over, but Terezi orders half the menu. Comfort food, he thinks, and he feels sick. Because Terezi Pyrope doesn't deserve a dead Mom. She already lost her dad, lost Sollux to Aradia, lost Aradia and all that Kurloz can think is that the world is unfair to her. It's this that prompts him to reach across the table and take her hand, squeezing it tightly. 

She looks surprised, dropping her second burger. "What-?"

"Terezi." He says, firmly, "I want you to know that I'm here for you."

"Is that what your therapist books tell you to say?" Terezi snorts. 

"Yes." He says, knowing she'll see through any bullshit, "But I really do care about you. You're a sister to me, I've told ya that a lotta times. I'd really like to talk more about what you've been through. I think you're suppressing your feelings." 

Her face falls further. "You want to talk more about Momma?" 

"I'd like to go further back than that." He's still holding her hand, "Tell me about Vriska, about Gamzee." 

Terezi considers. "Only if you tell me more about yourself." 

He thinks about it for a long moment before he agrees. 

She deserves nothing but honesty. 

_Dear Kurloz,  
I think you're a great therapist, even if you can't help me anymore. Even if I have gone too far for you to help, that's not your fault and you shouldn't blame yourself for this. Neither should Sollux or Vriska or Terezi or anybody. It's not the fault of any of you. _

_You're a really good therapist because you understand what it's like to be young and to be in pain. I know that you underwent therapy but I can only guess why. Still, I think that I've guessed pretty close to the mark. It's not hard to tell that you're upset about your brother dying. I think you blame yourself and think that you killed him. But you didn't. You're better than that._

_I've told you before that all Megidos die young._

_I'm here now to tell you that it's true._

_Love Aradia_


	36. ACT FOUR: Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurloz and Terezi fuck up really, really, really badly. 
> 
> A short chapter whilst I try to escape my writers block.

The first thing that he's aware of when he wakes up is the fact that there's a girl curled around him. She is pressed against his side, her legs locked around him and her arms wrapped around his shoulders. She is snoring, not gently either, and he can feel her chest rising and falling steadily. The girl is warm against his skin and mumbling under her breath. 

The second thing he's aware of is that the girl is Terezi Pyrope and that the reason she is curled around him is because he fucked up really badly last night. He can recognise her by the dark skin and the blue bracelet that's still hanging off her wrist. The bracelet that Vriska had given to her. That's more than enough to make him jerk awake in a panic. _Oh, fuck_. What about Vriska? What about Mituna? 

What the fuck had they done? 

Kurloz Makara pushes himself up and out of bed, scrambling for his discarded clothes on the floor (he can't find his shirt but his hoodie will do), and lets himself out onto the balcony. It's an uncomfortable, metal balcony but he sits down on it and looks out at the city as he lights a cigarette. This is one of his favourite places to sit and watch the city come alive in the mornings. It's still reasonably early so the sun is still rising, casting an orange and pink glow across the buildings that look a million miles away. The air smells faintly of beer and the streets after a night of a summer rain. And Kurloz finds himself fixated on all of these things, all at once, perhaps because he's trying his best to put everything that's happened out of his mind. 

He inhales from his cigarette and as he breathes out, he finds himself thinking back over what had happened. 

Last night, he had brought Terezi Pyrope back to his apartment because she hadn't wanted to go home to his sister. They'd spent a long time talking about a lot of things, like his younger brother, Terezi's girlfriend, Kurloz's parents, and Terezi's mom. They both agreed that Gamzee had needed some serious help and blamed themselves individually for not recognising that at the time. Terezi had told him about sometimes, she swore that she could still feel his blood on her hands and couldn't wash it off. Kurloz had forgotten that she had been there on the night that his younger brother had died too. Terezi had been the one to call the ambulance. 

She'd told him all about Vriska and how she'd tricked Terezi into staring into the sun, blinding her permanently, ("my eyesight was already failing from the day that I was born but she sped up the process. And she called it a game. A fucking game). She told him about how she loved Vriska but she hated her and she couldn't leave her alone. Vriska kept her hanging and had done for years, to a point that Terezi couldn't stop herself from going to visit her. She couldn't leave her. 

Terezi had told him what it had been like to sit and watch her Mom die for years. She told him about what her Mom used to be like and how she wasn't too bad, since she and Terezi had a special connection. Both of them were blind. That was the point when Terezi had started crying about how she'd pushed her mom away for years and now, she was dead. In return, Kurloz told her about how his parents had neglected him for years and sent him to therapy like it was daycare. That was when they started drinking, making toasts that got more and more ridiculous more they drank. 

Normally, Kurloz drank of his own and just sat, staring at the wall or out at the city. He'd never drunk with anybody else before, let alone somebody as fun as Terezi. Even though he could remember feeling miserable, he could also remember having a good time. 

They'd watched (or listened to, in Terezi's case) several movies and talked some more. This time, it had been more about themselves. About Kurloz and why he couldn't talk to people. About Terezi and how she pretended that everything was okay all the time. About Kurloz and how lonely he felt at times. And Terezi had told him that she wished things could be simpler for her and Vriska. Then, she'd leaned in and kissed him, long and slow. She had tasted of alcohol and faintly of cherry bubblegum. He'd been surprised but he'd kissed back on instinct. 

She'd taken him to bed, pushing him back onto it with a hiccup and giggle. Kurloz could remember that he'd mumbled something about Mituna and Terezi saying that it didn't count as cheating if it was with a lesbian. Apparently, that had been enough to make up his mind because the next memory was of stripping her down. She'd rubbed his facepaint off and traced the scars on his face, pulling off his hoodie and exposing all of him. He'd felt vulnerable but he hadn't felt violated in any way- he felt like Terezi could understand the way he felt. He didn't have to hide things from her. That was why they were friends. 

_Friends_. 

He can still feel the aftershocks of the alcohol, his head pounding and his throat hurting in a way that he thinks is a lot more to do with how badly he'd fucked up. He exhales, his lungs burning, and presses his head against the bars of the balcony that kept him from falling. Sometimes, he couldn't believe how stupid he was. He was a grown man, he wasn't meant to sleep around with people that he didn't even love just because the person in question was lonely. That was what most people got up to in high school. Not what adults were supposed to do. Adults were not supposed to sleep with their lesbian friend just because they pitied them. 

The door behind him opens with a creak and there's the sound of bare footsteps against the balcony, before Terezi Pyrope sits down beside him. She looks about as bad as he feels, pale with dark marks under her eyes. Somehow, Terezi has managed to find his shirt and her underwear to wear and she shuffles close to him for warmth. She leans against him, her head pressed against his shoulder. She still smells of alcohol and vaguely of puke and gum. Actually, now that he thinks about it, he can hear her chewing gum. The noise is grating. 

"You don't drink a lot, huh?" Kurloz says to fill the awkward silence. 

"I've been drinking a lot more lately." Terezi says, sounding tired, "I don't think I puked because of that anyway. I think it was guilt or regret or something." 

"Yeah, we really fucked up." 

He doesn't even like Terezi. 

Well, he likes her, as in they're very close friends and he likes working with her. He likes to hang out with her on weekends and take her to comic book stores and listen to her cackling about whatever rumours she's heard lately. But he doesn't like her like he likes Mituna and how he used to like Meulin. But, he thinks, under the influence of alcohol, they had both gotten their judgements very confused. Whereas now, he can appreciate that Terezi is cool and very good looking, he knows that he doesn't like her. But last night, he hadn't known where to draw the line and had actually thought that he did like her. 

This is why he doesn't like to drink too much anymore. It screws with his mind, which is something that he used to enjoy. He used to use it the same way he used pot, so that he could feel far away and didn't have to think about anything. Everything always seemed a little better when he was drunk back then. Now, everything seems a whole lot worse. 

Terezi spits her gum out and sticks it to the underside of the balcony rail. 

"I don't even like guys." She snorts with laughter, pressing her gum down hard so that it stays in place, "That's what so stupid about all of this." 

"And I don't like you. Not like that." Kurloz shakes his head, "We shouldn't have fucked." 

"It's okay." She says, "I understand that it was just a pity fuck. It doesn't mean anything." 

"But how am I supposed to tell Mituna about this? He won't understand. And Vriska... She's the kind of girl that would probably leave you over this." He points out, "Sister... Terezi... This is more serious than I think you understand. If we'd just kissed... We could have kept it secret. But we fucked. We actually fucked." 

She shrugs and takes the cigarette from him, inhaling softly. It's clear that she doesn't know what they're going to do and honestly, he doesn't know either. 

He can't tell Mituna about this. There's no goddamn way that he can tell Mituna that any of this happened because there's no way he'd understand that it wasn't serious. He'd be hurt by this; really, really hurt. But on the other hand, he can't keep it a secret from him, he can't keep anything a secret from him. Relationships are built on trust, he knows that, (he's spent enough time counselling people on their relationships and telling them exactly that), and this would be a big thing to keep from him. Not to mention, he'd no doubt find out about it one day and Kurloz would have to explain why he lied to him on top of everything else. That would make things a million times worse than they are already. 

"Kurloz, you're my best friend." His thoughts are interrupted by Terezi speaking, "Aside from Sollux, you are pretty much my only proper friend that really... Y'know, gets me and shit. And I really don't want this to come between us." She runs a hand through her hair. Most of her braids have come loose, meaning that a lot of her curls are tangled and knotted in a way that is definitely going to take a while to untangle. There's a blotched mark on her collarbone. 

"This won't come between us." Kurloz spares an arm to slide around her, "Terezi, I promise that I'm still your friend. Best motherfucking friends." 

She manages a small grin. "Yeah." 

Then, Terezi Pyrope heaves and pukes over the side of his balcony. He rubs her back the entire time, helping her through it, before pulling her to her feet and guiding her back inside. She stumbles her way back to his bed, which is a complete mess, sitting back down on the edge of it. He stays standing, unsure of what to do with himself. 

Terezi scrambles until she finds her glasses on the bedside table, sliding them on to cover her empty eyes. 

"Can you see my phone anywhere?" 

He spots it on the floor and throws it to her. She catches it easily and throws it back. 

"Have I got any messages?" 

"Two. One from your sister, one from the blue-haired sister." 

"Read them to me." She requests, picking at a hole in her shirt. Well, his shirt technically but she's most likely going to keep it. If not just because he spotted her shirt earlier and it's been ripped almost to shreds. He nods, even though she can't see him, and reads the messages aloud:

_From Latula to Terezi:  
h3y tz wh3r3 you 4t? 1 c4m3 to p1ck you up 4nd you w3r3 gon3? r u ok? _

_From Spider8itch to Terezi:  
heeeeeeeey loser! you better be coming over today x _

"Thanks." Terezi says, flatly, "Can you see my pants anywhere? We didn't rip them apart, did we? Those are my nicest pants." 

Luckily, her nicest pants have not been torn apart and are instead just hiding under the bed. She pulls them back on, announces that she is indeed keeping his shirt, for a little while at least, and then informs him that they're going out to get breakfast. He shrugs, zips his hoodie up, and follows her out onto the balcony and down the fire-escape. It's a more adventurous way of leaving his apartment to say the very least and she seems to enjoy racing him to the bottom, beating him there easily. 

When they reach the street, she slides her arm through this and clings to him, muttering something about missing her cane. The whole time that they walk, she is pressed close to him and her grip on him is very tight. 

"Do you think there's a word for us?" Terezi says, as she walks along the curb, "You know, what we are?" 

"Friends?" Kurloz suggests. 

"I mean... Close friends. Like we are." 

"Friends with benefits?" 

"Oh, just forget it." She snaps but she laughs and bumps sides with him as they walk down the street, "Can we get McDonalds?" 

"This early?" 

"They're open twenty-four hours a day." 

Kurloz wrinkles his nose. "But their food is gross." 

"So what? It's so gross that it's great!" Terezi grins up at him, her eyes sparkling behind her glasses, "Dontcha know that, Kurly Fries? By the way..." She waits until they've crossed the road, "You forgot to put your facepaint on." 

He stops dead. "Shit." 

"It's fine, leave it off." Terezi says, as if it's nothing, "You look fine." 

"We have to go back." He glances around. Nobody is around. Nobody has seen him. He can't let anybody see him like this- even he doesn't like to see himself like this, that's why he keeps the facepaint on to cover it up. It's thick enough to paint over his scars so they aren't noticeable. Whenever he sees them, he just feels a sharp pang of regret and the night that he got them flashes through his eyes. His brother, the blood, the guy dressed in green, Lord English, the resounding bang of a gun, his brother's face draining of colour, blood seeping through Kurloz's clothes, Terezi holding him. 

Yes, he could remember now. She'd held him as she called for an ambulance, crying. 

"No, no, no." Terezi lets go of his arm and moves around to stand in front of him, reaching up. She grabs hold of his hood and flips it up, somehow managing to pull it over his hair. How she does that, he doesn't even know. His hood doesn't cover his face but it hangs low enough that his face is shadowed. He glances in a passing shop window and the scars on his face are barely visible, the faintest of soft red marks. Kurloz resolves to keep his hood up and his head down until he can get back home to reapply his facepaint and continues with Terezi to McDonalds. 

They enter and approach the counter. Terezi orders for both of them and Kurloz takes the tray, nodding to the man that serviced them and saying nothing. It's normally better to say nothing unless you have something important to say. They retire to a table at the back of the restaurant, despite most tables being unoccupied. All the food is greasy and Kurloz picks at it, doubtfully. His boyfriend loves this kind of food but he finds that it leaves something to be desired. 

"So, you come here often?" Terezi has pushed her glasses on top of her head. 

"You're a strange kid." Kurloz shakes his head. 

"I'm not a kid, I'm nearly as old as you." She pulls a face, "Just 'cos I'm short doesn't mean that I'm a little kid." 

"You act like a little kid." 

She flicks a fry at him and sticks her tongue out. Point proven. 

That's when somebody clears their throat and taps the seat beside Terezi. "Seat taken? I sit with you guys? I not want to sit on my own over there. I sit with friends. Terezi is my friend." 

It's Damara Megido, looking as if she's had a rough night herself, since her hair is tousled and escaping from the knot that she's tied it into. Her make-up is smeared underneath her eyes, a series of marks left along her neck. She's wearing a t-shirt that hangs off her shoulders and shows off the glittering gem pierced through her navel. Kurloz is fixated by it. 

"Sure, Damara." Terezi smiles widely at her, or where she guesses she is, "You can sit with us. I haven't seen you in a while, how are you?" 

"I got fired." She has bought a pink milkshake and sips at it, staring down at the table, "Department store fire me. Says I am "inadequate". I not know why they say this. Most likely because they hate me. People talk. They get bad impression of me." 

"You think everybody hates you, Damara." Kurloz says, "You are paranoid." 

"People tell me to go back home. They say I am here to steal jobs. I steal nothing." She pouts, "I lose. Ever since we come to America, I just lose. Mom does not talk to me. Aradia is dead. Nobody want to date me. I try so hard but nobody like me." It does sound rather sad when she puts it like that and Kurloz can't help wondering if anybody is really okay or if he just hangs out with a really troubled group of friends. 

"Are you drunk?" Terezi raises an eyebrow. 

"Are you wearing his shirt?" Damara retorts. 

"Touché." She mumbles and she resumes stuffing fries in her mouth without another word. 

"How was your night, Damara?" Kurloz asks. 

In answer, Damara throws down a couple of dollar bills down on the table for him to see. They add up to quite a lot, he realises with surprise, and looks up at the girl. She manages a tired smile, revealing the chips in her red lipstick, and reaches up to undo her hair. It falls around her shoulders in a fluffy mess and drops down to about her waist. As he watches, she reties it in a tighter top knot and threads a ribbon through it. He doesn't know what he's supposed to say. 

"Don't worry." Damara says, after she's tied her hair back up and taken three of Terezi's fries, picking them out carefully, "I won't tell anybody that you two out together."


	37. ACT FOUR: Part Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Writers block, writers block, writers block.

Sollux never thought in a million years that he would end up lying in the same bed as Terezi Pyrope again. 

After that fateful night years ago that he'd stumbled in crying, after finding out that Aradia was gone, and clung to her helplessly, he'd sworn to himself that he'd never sleep over again. Nothing good ever came of sleeping over with Terezi Pyrope. And yet, here he was, lying in a single bed with her and snickering at what she'd heard from Feferi Peixes who heard from Kanaya Maryam what Porrim Maryam had said about Damara Megido. 

"Thhe athked her to pierce her, _where?_ " Sollux chokes.

"She wanted her clitoris pierced." Terezi has been trying to tell this story for the past ten minutes but keeps bursting into fits of snorting laughter. At this point, she's being forced to wipe tears from her eyes because she's laughing so hard. They're lying close enough that he can smell candy on her breath every time she laughs. She always seems to smell like red candy, exactly like when they were little kids. 

She also snuck candy into her pockets and her hands were constantly sticky but Sollux didn't care. He'd still held her hand for 85% of their childhood; even though she'd been sticky and kinda clammy, even though people had laughed at them and called them weirdos, even though Sollux should have grown out of it. 

Even now, her fingers are tightly locked through his and her bracelets are rubbing against his wrist. She keeps turning to grin at him in such a wonderfully Terezi way that he can't help but grin back at her. 

"Jethuth." Sollux rolls onto his back and stares up at the ceiling, still laughing even though it isn't really funny. He can't help it, Terezi's just so fun to hang out with. 

He's suddenly remembering why they spent so much time together as kids because she's literally the best, funniest, coolest, dorkiest person in existence. As he stares up at the ceiling, he notices that it's painted the same bright red as her bedroom from back home. The walls are painted the same teal colour and the same posters (Superman and bad music are the two running themes) are stuck up. It's exactly like being in her old bedroom when he was ten, (maybe she hasn't let go of the past like she's claimed to). 

It was crazy back then to be in a girl's bedroom, especially considering that she was a few years older due to being held back a few times. A _girl's_ bedroom! Sollux had always felt giddy to be allowed in there, even if they were just reading comics on the worn-out carpet and doing math homework. 

Even if her mom had still insisted on referring to her as a boy then. He'd always got pissed off when she insisted on calling Terezi "Xander" because it wasn't her fucking name. Sure, it was her legal name, but it wasn't her real name. "Xander" wasn't her name anymore than Sollux's name was Batman. Simple as. But her Mom had never seemed to grasp that concept. 

Anyway, he'd always been excited back then to be in a girl's bedroom because he'd never been in one before. 

Once, the two of them had even broken into Latula's room on a joint dare and had stolen some of her bras. They were bright red and they'd been screwing around, trying them on, when Latula had walked in on them. Now, Sollux vividly remembered the two of them being chased around the house with underwear draped over them and Terezi getting caught by her sister and laughing for Sollux to save himself. It was funny how memories like these came back to him at the strangest times. 

Not to mention, that Sollux had been a really fucking weird kid. Personally, he blamed Terezi for being such an awful influence on him. 

"Hey, TZ." He rolled back over to face her, half tangled in the dragon print covers, and bumped her shoulder, "I think I'm thtarting to remember thingth. About you. About uth." 

"That's great, Sollux." Terezi grins her shit-eating grin, "You were really weird after the accident, y'know, when you came to stay. It's like... You knew who I was and you knew we were friends and all that but there was a bunch of other stuff you forgot. You asked me what Latula's name was. It was ridiculous, your head damage was awful." 

"Really?" He's surprised. He knew that he forgot things but he never knew just how much he'd forgotten until it all started rushing back. Now, if only he could remember absolutely everything. Though, he supposed that he could just ask Terezi. "Ith it okay if I athk you thome thtuff?" 

"Shoot." Terezi says, though her grin fades a little. 

"When did you grow your hair out? Like... For the firtht time." He plays with a strand of her frizzy hair, twirling a strand of it around his finger. Terezi's got really nice hair that falls down to her shoulders when it's loose like this and when it's tied in braids or dreadlocks or twists, it can reach down to just pass her shoulder blades. He's always admired how she manages to pull it back into those tight little cornrows too- though, he thinks that Latula might actually do her hair for her. Either way, fair play. 

Eridan has told him several times how jealous he is of Terezi's hair because he can do barely anything with his. 

"For the first time...." Terezi considers this for a long time, "Well, I do remember when we were six... Or seven maybe... It reached my chin. And Momma wanted me to cut it all off and have it really short, kind of like yours I guess. But I said no, I said to her, "Momma, the day I cut my hair like that is the day the world ends" and it shut her up, for a while at least." 

"Wow."

"Momma was really understanding once she realised I wasn't just... Y'know, gay." Terezi giggles, "Well, I am gay but you know... Whatever. When we were really little, she was always saying "Why can't you just act more like that Asian kid? Why can't you be more a boy like him?". I think Momma really liked you, Sollux." 

"Are you theriouth?" Though, he's thinking _goddamnit, she called me the Asian kid?_

"She said you were a good influence. Really... I dunno, masculine." Terezi pulls a face at him, "You're such a boy, Sollux." 

"Tho Eridan tellth me." He pulls a face back at her, though she can't even see it. 

"Hehe, I love him!" Terezi announces, "I'm stealing him!" 

Sollux is about to retort when- "Wait... Did you thay "Liked"? Patht tenthe. What changed?" 

Terezi stops giggling. "Uh... Well... I don't really want to talk about it."

"Thhe'th dead?" Sollux guesses, "Your mom?" But she can't have been old enough. Terezi's mom can't have been old enough to die naturally- she could only be fifty or sixty at the most. 

She hesitates. "Yeah." 

"I'm thorry." 

_When did that happen? How did it happen?_

"Ask me another question." Terezi says, firmly. 

"Okay..." He casts his mind back over what he can remember and finds himself thinking about a certain summer afternoon. It had been middle school, they'd gone back to Sollux's house, and it had been sunny. They'd drunk lemonade and she'd turned cartwheels and he'd been able to see her underwear underneath her school skirt. It had made him feel a bit funny, even thinking about it now and he scratched the back of his head, hoping he wasn't blushing like an idiot. 

"When did you realithe that you were gay?" 

"When did you realise that you were bi?" She retorts, "Answer me that first." 

"Uh... I guethth... Well, I didn't know the word at the time but I alwayth knew I liked both. I mean, my firtht parentth were thtraight tho I knew that wath a thing. And with my dadth... I jutht alwayth knew that I liked both." He shrugs, "I jutht did." 

"Well, I always knew I was gay." Terezi says, "Girls are way hotter, sorry." 

"I don't even know if I am bi anymore." Sollux exhales slowly, "I mean... I really, really, really like- _liked_ \- AA. Really, really. But that doethn't mean I like all girlth, right?" 

"Sollux." 

"Yeth?" 

"If I offered to have sex with you, would you enjoy it?" 

"Yeah, probably." Sollux glances sideways at her, "We aren't going to have thex, are we?" 

"Dream on, Captor." Terezi chuckles, "If you weren't taken, would you date me?" 

"Well... I... Maybe." 

"You're bi, probably." She tells him.

"Cool, thankth for helping me out there." He says, sarcastically, "Thpeaking of thex, how'th thingth going with Vrithka? You two got it on yet?" 

"Why, do you want to watch?" Terezi winks at him; she giggles a bit before seeming to sober up a little, "No, we haven't even got past kissing yet. I didn't want to do anything whilst I still had a dick. And it's taking a while to get... Comfortable with my clit."

"You're tho crude." 

"Jeez, sorry, _Kankri!_ " She sings, delighted, "I'm surprised you haven't asked me what it's like to be dickless yet, actually. That was the first thing Latula asked me when I got home. "What's it like not having a dick?". And I was like "Awesome! But I do have to sit down to pee now." And she laughed and said that's one of the downsides. It's really weird, actually." Terezi sits up, "Jerking off is weird now too. I have to-" 

"I hope you're not about to tell me the intimate details of your mathturbation theththionth. Don't; I'll probably get a boner and it'll be really awkward for everybody involved." 

"You perverted creep." She smacks him on the arm, "I don't get boners anymore either. Like, the other day, I'm talking to this Vriska and we're making out and I'm like "Am I turned on or did I just pee a little?"." She snorts with laughter, "It's weird." 

"Goddamnit, you are tho in love with her that it'th actually thtupid!" Sollux facepalms, wondering if this was what he sounded like after he started dating Eridan. Somehow, he doesn't think so. But Terezi has always been much more vocal about her emotions. He prefers to keep them bottled up inside until he explodes. 

"Shut up, shut up, I am not!" But he swears her dark skin flushes a bright red. 

"You are." 

"Shut up, at least I'm not _engaged_!" Terezi pulls a face at him and begins to tickle him, ignoring his yells of protest as they both fall off the bed, laughing hopelessly. He's really, really ticklish. As in, if Eridan's cold foot brushes against him in the night, it sends a weird shiver through him. Terezi's tickling is impossible to resist. She knows all his weaknesses. 

"Thtop! Thtop! Thtop!" He tries to wriggle free, kicking at her. He eventually manages to get her in the stomach and she flinches. Taking a chance, he crawls across the room and hides behind one of her many boxes of comics books. 

"That's unfair, taking advantage of the blind girl." She pouts at him. 

Silently, he gets to his feet and creeps up behind her, leaping on her. But probably using supersonic powers or something, (he wouldn't be surprised), she seems to spot him and tackles him to the ground. She's wrestling him to the ground- Terezi is pretty muscled and he's but a twig, so she pins him down easily- when Latula knocks on the door. 

She pushes it open, glares at them through her mess of hair, obviously having been woken up. She's wearing a weird shirt-and-short pyjama ensemble, showing a lot of brown muscled leg and Sollux can note why his brother liked her so long, and has a sleep mask pushed up on top of her hair. 

"Yo, could you dumbasses go to sleep?" Latula glares and he finally notices what looks off and it's because she's not wearing her glasses. It also explains why she had to fumble for the light switch and why she's gripping the doorway to support herself. "It is four in the morning, you know. And I ain't gonna be lookin' rad tomorrow if I don't get enough sleep."

"Beauty sleep!" Terezi cackles, "If only you were as hot as us, you wouldn't need it, Tulip!" 

"Don't fuck with the girl that does your make-up." Latula advises, "I could really mess up your day, kid, don't push it." 

Sollux glances at the clock; it really is four. "Thhit." 

"Just go to sleep already." 

" _Latula!_." Terezi whines, "You know that Sollux has trouble sleeping. Don't be so offensive!" 

Latula looks at Sollux for a long second. "D'you want me to getcha a sleeping pill, Solcap?" 

He shakes his head. "I'm fine without, Latula. Thankth, anyway." 

"You're a good kid." She tells him, "But go the fuck to sleep. You too, Terezi, or I'll arrange a swap, so that I can keep your friend and send you to live with that queer kid. The Ampora kid. What's his name? Eridan." 

"Me and Eridan would be best friends." Terezi informs her sister, flipping her hair back out of her face dramatically, "I bet he'd help me with my make-up more than you do. I bet he's good with hair too. In fact, I'm moving out. Sollux, I'm sleeping on your couch." 

"I already have people thleeping on my couch." Sollux says, "And in my thpare room. And in my own bed, once." 

Terezi looks disappointed. "Damn."

"Go to bed." Latula turns the light off and slams the door behind her. 

Obediently, Sollux tumbles back into bed. Because she doesn't like "giving in to the system", whatever the hell that means, Terezi refuses to and instead lies on the floor and crosses her arms. She sighs pointedly, repeatedly, until Sollux gives in and rolls over so that he can look down on her. Well, what he can make out of her, since it's dark and without his glasses, he's almost as blind as her. 

"What?" 

"You're such a goody-two-shoes, Solly." Terezi scoffs, "You've always been like this. It's annoying." 

"I've alwayth been like what?" Sollux asks, tired now. 

"You know, good. Even when we were like fifteen and ditched school a bunch of times, you were always worrying about getting caught. Can't you ever just chill for five seconds?" She reaches up to poke him in the side, "Why you gotta always do what you're told? Fight the system, live a little." 

"I don't do what I'm told. Me and Aradia... We pulled loadth of thhit." 

".... No, she did. You were always freaking out, remember?" 

"I don't remember." 

Terezi falls quiet for such a long time that he guesses he's gone to sleep and let's his eyes fall closed. He's just beginning to drift off when she pokes at him again, hissing at him to wake up. 

"Sollux! _Sollux!_ " 

"Wha-?" 

"Sollux, what was Aradia's favourite colour?" 

"Uh..." He definitely knew the answer to this one, since he remembered that she wore her favourite colour every day. It matched the sparks of colour that flickered in her brown eyes. It was the colour that she would always sign her name in, especially at the end of those letters that she used to write. Those letters that she kept stashed under her bed that he wasn't supposed to find but he had and he'd been horrified to find out what was on her mind. And they'd fought and her entire face had flamed her favourite colour. The colour of leaves, the colour of sunsets, the colour of paint in water. Her favourite, what was it, hadn't it been- "Blue?" 

Terezi sat up. "You really can't remember jack shit, can you?" 

He doesn't say anything, pretending to mumble an excuse. 

As he finally falls asleep, he feels as if he's disappointed her.

The next day, he wakes up late and they eat cereal in front of the TV. The bright red and teal is beginning to hurt his eyes, no doubt the start of a migraine, but he keeps his eyes shut because he doesn't want to upset Terezi. The TV is too loud and the audio description is annoying- or perhaps he's just irritable because things like these don't normally bother him. 

"Can you believe that I never got to play the Milkybar kid?" Terezi complains, leaning against him, "How unfair is that?" 

"I never got to do it either." He opens his eyes to see if she's being serious; it's still hard to tell.

"Huh." She pouts, looking disappointed; quickly, she changes the subject, as if she had been planning to lead into it the whole time, "So, I slept with your therapist." 

Sollux spits a mouthful of cereal out. 

"Don't take it the wrong way. We were drunk and... We just did it." 

"But he'th with MT!" 

She is "staring" straight ahead. 

"And you're with VK!" 

She won't look at him. 

"And.... And... You're thuppothed to be gay!" 

Finally, she looks at him. "I am gay. I made a mistake. A bad, bad mistake. But I thought you'd want to know about it. I'm really bad at lying to you." She exhales, "I shouldn't have done it. But it honestly didn't mean anything to either of us." 

He doesn't finish his breakfast. Instead, he excuses himself to the bathroom because he doesn't feel comfortable taking his medication in front of Terezi. He's never liked taking it in front of her. 

By this time, it's approaching late morning and he packs up what little he brought with him and instead of hugging Terezi, he offers a fistbump and tries to smile. She just looks miserable. He wonders how long she's been keeping that from him. 

He promises to come visit soon, before walking down the stairs and through the cafe out to the street. When he's half way out the door, Latula whistles loudly to get his attention and throws him a bag of potato chips. He doesn't question her but heads outside, considering for a long moment before deciding that he has to go and visit his brother. He hasn't seen him since that upsetting night with the Amporas and he can only hope that Mituna is feeling a little happier now. 

He won't tell him what Terezi said. That's up to her and Kurloz to figure out. 

As he heads towards his parent's house, Sollux thinks instead over what Terezi said last night. 

He knew, for a fact, that the accident with Aradia had badly damaged his memory. He knows this before he's been informed by Kurloz that he smacked his head badly on the steering wheel when they crashed and that this temporarily damaged a part of his brain. Kurloz said he was lucky that there wasn't any more permanent damage and had told Sollux his memories would return in time. And he supposes that they have, bit by bit, returned. At first, it was simple things that he remembered. The obvious things all snapped into place at once; his name was Sollux Alexander Captor, he was (at the time) nineteen years old, his birthday was May 22nd, his best friend was Terezi, his girlfriend was Aradia. 

But still, he could vividly remember that the day after the accident, he had struggled to recall what his parents' names were. He had caught sight of his eyes in the mirror and had been confused for a few moments, wondering why they didn't match. Simple things, like the fact that he was heterochromatic and that was why his eyes looked so weird, had come back within the first few days. And over that year, he'd remembered growing up and Terezi and his brother properly. 

One of the last big things he'd remembered was the car accident that had ruined his brother's life. He had been sat on the couch and suddenly remembered the crashing and the screams and he'd called Kurloz, whimpering that his parents were dead. 

_"Yes, I know, brother." Kurloz had told him._

_"Well, why didn't you tell me?" Sollux had yelled._

And now, there were still some things that he couldn't really remember. Like the fact that he'd apparently gone to high school with Vriska Serket. He couldn't remember the little things about Aradia. He knew she wore her favourite colour, that she liked to paint with it, but he had no idea what colour it was. He knew that she was from Japan and that she'd moved over here but he couldn't remember when. And he knew that he'd been introduced to her in high school but he didn't know how or why or by who. All he knew was that it had been him and Aradia and they'd been in love with a capital L. Everybody had liked them as a couple, even if people didn't like Sollux or Aradia individually. In high school, people had been paired off neatly all the time. 

Sollux had a vague memory of a girl that had been obsessed with pairing people, who had squealed loudly when she'd found out about Aradia and Sollux. At graduation, the girl- what was her name? Naomi? Nina? Something like that- had hugged him tightly and privately informed him that she'd always known that they'd be perfect together. He had felt oddly pleased about that. 

As he turns, he spots his parent's house in the distance. It's easy to pick out as the biggish, white-painted house with a messy front garden. Their mail box was still broken from the time that Mituna had smacked directly onto it with his skateboard. He'd cried for hours and hours and Sollux hadn't been able to calm him down. 

Not to mention, outside the front gate, Sollux's dads were stood in deep discussion. It's so rare to see them outside the house that for a moment, Sollux is startled. Then, he approaches and they both look up at him as he walks over. 

"Hey, Lux." Dad Two smiles at him and pulls him in for a one-armed hug. His dads are considerably shorter than him, which isn't something that Sollux has noticed before, but he notes it now. 

"When did you guyth get tho thhort?" He demands. 

"You're the one that grew to be so tall, honey." Dad One chuckles; he's leaning against the front gate, "It's nice to see you again. Your father and I were just busy discussing something. We'd like your input."

"You're not going to break up, are you?" 

"God, no." Dad Two rolls his eyes, "Why the hell would you think that? No. Gross. We are still very much in gooey, head-over-heels love." Sollux pretends to retch, "Actually, it's about your brother. He's been talking about moving out soon." 

Sollux swears that he hears his own jaw hit the sidewalk. "What? He can't!" 

"Lux, he is an adult. He's got three years on you. And we let you move out as soon as possible. There's no reason that Tuna should be treated any differently." 

"Age doethn't mean anything! Mituna needth uth! He can't move out!" 

"That's my point exactly." Dad One says. 

"If he wants to live with Kurloz and Kurloz feels capable of taking care of him, we can't stop Mituna from moving out. Maybe he needs his own space just like you do, Sol." Dad Two says, ruffling Sollux's hair, "You wouldn't want us to stop you from moving out." 

"It'th different!" 

"How is it different? What makes you and Eridan any different from Kurloz and Mituna?" 

Sollux doesn't have an answer for him. 

"Speaking of you two, how's the wedding going?" Dad One inquires, eager to change topics, "Is Mr Ampora going to be attending?" 

"No idea." Sollux sighs. 

"Well, maybe we-" 

"THOLLUXTH!" comes the yell as Mituna unlatches the door and runs over, leaping on top of his brother, "DID DAD TELL YOU THAT ME AND KURLOZTH ARE GOING TO LIVE TOGETHER? TOGETHER!" He looks so excited that Sollux doesn't want to argue, so he just nods. 

Mituna bounces with excitement. 

"Anyway, are you sticking around Sollux?" Dad One says, "We were going to order some pizza, since your father managed to set fire to the oven the other day." Without waiting for an answer, his dad loops an arm around Sollux and the other around Mituna, leading the two of them inside, "Honestly, I don't know how he manages it. One day, he's going to set fire to the house..." Dad One chuckles. 

"You think so lowly of me." Dad Two grumbles, bringing up the rear and shutting the door behind them; automatically, Sollux takes his usual seat on top of the kitchen counter and hands his dad one of the million takeaway menus they have stashed in an envelope pinned on the notice board. 

There's also a picture on the notice board, which Sollux recognises as being taken in the backyard; him and Mituna are sprawled on the ground, Sollux is maybe thirteen or fourteen and Mituna must be seventeen going on eighteen. But he's more interested in the girls in the background as the picture. Terezi is hanging off the climbing frame, her sister beside her. Aradia is beautiful as ever, sitting neatly with her hands in her lap, watching them with a smile. 

He has to squint for a long moment before he recognises Vriska Serket, dark hair streaked with bright blue, glasses balanced on her nose. She's on Aradia's left but that doesn't make sense, because didn't they hate each other? Why the hell would Vriska be at Sollux's place anyway? And why does she look like she belongs there with them? 

"Dad..." Sollux turns to Dad Two, because his other dad is occupied on the phone, "When wath thith taken?" 

Dad Two peers at it. "Jeez, I don't know, Lux. The summer before you started senior year, I think. Your friends came over, right?" 

"Yeah, I guethth." Sollux shrugs, "Why'th the Therket chick there?" 

"Didn't Aradia invite her?" His dad says, "They were pretty good friends, if I remember right, but they didn't really hang out. You didn't like Vriska and Aradia was always with you, so I guess they didn't get to hang out too much. I don't know, Sollux. Is this important to you?" 

"Nah, jutht curiouth." Sollux pushes the thought aside. 

Freaky, man. He should definitely ask Terezi about the photograph. Once he forgives her for sleeping with his therapist/his brother's boyfriend, he'll make sure to take it the next time he goes to visit her. Wait, since she's blind, it would probably just be easier to describe it. 

"Pepperoni, Sollux?" His dad checks. 

Sollux nods and eyes the rest of the pictures on the noticeboard, trying to put memories to photos. When he looks away, he catches Mituna's eye and his brother grins at him, giving him a double thumbs-up. He's got what looks suspiciously like Trollian up on his phone screen and Sollux can't help but wonder if he's messaging Kurloz. 

He feels a pang of guilt for something he didn't even do.


	38. ACT FOUR: Part Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We return to our sporadic updates....

He's an incredibly light sleeper so when he feels the bed shift and creak, he knows that something's up. Something being his boyfriend and up meaning awake and on the move. There's a groan from the bed as Sollux pushes himself out of it, shuffling footsteps, and the gentle click of the door being shut behind him. Eridan is aware of all these things and forces his eyes open, sitting up in the bed and fumbling for his glasses on the bedside table. With their wedding just around the corner, he doesn't want Sollux disappearing again. It's much safer to keep a closer eye on him, which is why he follows him into the front room. 

His boyfriend is pulling his jacket on, pushing a hand through his dark hair in an attempt to settle it, and heading towards the door. Before Sollux can shut the door behind him, Eridan coughs to get his attention. Sollux looks startled. 

"Hey, Sol." Eridan licks his lips to get rid of the dry feeling in his mouth.

"I wath trying really hard not to wake you up." Sollux mumbles, "Thorry." 

"It's okay, I couldn't get to sleep anywway." He lies, "Are you goin' out?"

"Yeah, there'th thomewhere I gotta go vithit. I'm not gonna do anything weird." He says, quickly, "But it'th... Well, I figured you wouldn't want to come with me or anything." Sollux scratches the back of his head, "I'm going to go thay goodbye to AA, if that'th cool with you. You thhould go back to bed, you're thtill half-athleep." 

He reaches out and rubs the back of Eridan's neck, the soft spot where he can't dye out the wisps of ginger hair no matter what he tries. Honestly, he nearly melts into Sollux's arms and falls asleep right there. Instead, he holds out and pouts at his boyfriend. 

"I wwant to come. I wwon't talk or anythin', I'll just... Be there. Wwith you. To make sure that you're okay." 

The last time they saw Aradia's grave... Jesus, he's not letting Sollux go there alone. 

It takes a moment for Sollux to decide. "Get your thhoeth and we'll get going." 

Eridan hurries to rescue his sneakers from where he threw them at Karkat's head earlier in an attempt to shut him up and pulls them on, tying his laces as fast as he can. Luckily, it doesn't take him too long and Sollux is patient, holding the door open for him so that he can slip out. The summer air is warm and tastes pleasant on his tongue, making him smile even if they are visiting the graveyard tonight. It's not too dark, the sun only now fading away and the stars beginning to creep out. 

Regardless, Eridan locks his arm through his boyfriend's as they walk through the early morning. "Howw are you doin'?" 

"I'm doing fine. I've already told you that, like a million timeth." 

"I'm just checkin' on you, Bee." He kisses him on the nose, "You knoww I wworry about you. It's in my nature." 

"Oh yeth, your kind and wonderful nature." Sollux snorts, sarcastically. 

"Hey!" Eridan elbows him. 

"Kidding."

Eridan rolls his eyes. 

For a long time, neither of them say anything. What are you supposed to say in circumstances like these? Eridan finds himself staring down at his feet, unsure of what he should say- if he should say anything at all even or if he should just keep his mouth shut. He glances sideways at his boyfriend and catches his gaze. He's about to ask what's up, when Sollux beats him to the post. 

"When we're married..." Sollux says, slowly, carefully. 

"Yeah?" 

"Will you thtill love me like you do now?" 

It's such a strange, sad, oddly romantic sentiment to come from Sollux that Eridan is stunned into silence for a few moments. 

"You knoww.... You knoww I wwill; don't be such a dumbass. Are you havvin' second thoughts already?" It's meant to be a joke but it comes out sounding harsh. It sounds like an accusation, which isn't what Eridan intended at all. 

"No, I jutht think you're going to get annoyed with me..." Sollux shrugs, "And marriage ith a permanent thing. We'd be thtuck together forever and I'm jutht worried you'll find thomebody better. Thome nice perthon. And I don't want you to leave me." 

Eridan stops walking. "You think I'm a flake?" 

He sounds more hurt than he intended to. 

"I didn't thay that, ED." Sollux shrugs at him, back to staring at the ground and scuffing his left shoe against the ground, (his shoes don't even match, which is enough to make Eridan sigh), "But I'd leave me if I could. Hell, I've tried to." He laughs at that but it catches in his throat and makes a strange croaking sound, "Fuck." 

"Don't say things like that!" Eridan takes hold of his wrist and tugs on it, forcing Sollux to look him in the eyes. The brown eye looks distinctively brighter in the evening light, turning it more red than brown, and somehow, it makes his gaze look even sharper. Eridan really, really wants to tell him how beautiful he is. 

"I lovve you, you idiot. An' I wwill alwways." 

"Even if I download gay porn onto your laptop again?" 

"Don't you dare!" Eridan laughs and the moment shatters. 

Sollux leans forward and catches him in a long kiss, trailing his hands downwards until they come to rest on Eridan's lower back, pressing against his spine. At this angle, Eridan has to reach up in order to kiss him properly, wrapping his arms around his neck. When they both have to pull back to draw breath, neither of them moves an inch and they stay there, staring at each other. All Eridan can think is that this man is his and they're going to spend the rest of their lives together and he hopes that they still kiss like that fifty years from now. He has no idea what Sollux is thinking about but it's probably not as fanciful. 

"Wwhat are you thinkin' about?" He asks, curiously, staring at him. 

"I'm thinking that we should get a bigger apartment." Sollux says, "And that ath much ath I like the otherth, I'd really like to live alone with you again. Our friendth can come over, thure, but I don't like being interrupted. I want to be alone with you thometimeth." 

"Wwe're alone right noww." Eridan points out, hopefully. 

"And I fully intend to take full advantage of that." Sollux says, toying with his boyfriend's hair, "I mithth jutht being uth without the drama." 

"There wwas alwways goin' to be drama." Eridan says, "That's just life. It's just different noww. The drama is less like _Sollux havin' an existential crisis_ an' more like _one of our friends hooked up wwith somebody unexpected_. It's like high school." 

Sollux splutters with laughter. "You have no idea." 

And he falls silent again. Eridan leans against him, tired, closing his eyes against Sollux's chest. He doesn't know why they can't do this stuff during the day but he suspects the reason is something to do with the fact that Sollux seems a whole lot more romantic at this time of day. Speaking of which, he's only slightly aware of Sollux's fingers tangled in his hair and him muttering something about how they should really get moving. Eridan agrees but neither of them take another step. They stay. 

The stars are pretty, Sollux is pretty, and the early morning is warm. 

"Wwe should keep wwalkin'." Eridan says, finally, for the last time, not even blinking because he doesn't want to miss a single moment of this, "At this rate, wwe ain't evven gonna make it to the gravveyard before dawwn." 

"Don't call it that." Sollux says, as he releases his grip and settles for holding Eridan's hand instead, as they continue on their way. 

Eridan frowns. "Wwhat, a gravveyard?" 

"Graveyardth are full of dead people." (Eridan raises an eyebrow, as if to say _so?_ ), "Tho, I'm not good with... That kind of thtuff. Really. I don't like to think of her ath dead." 

"But Sol..." He really doesn't want to be blunt, "Sol, Aradia is dead. And she's not goin' to come back, no matter wwhat you think. She's gone, okay? She's been gone for three wwhole years an' she's not comin' back; not noww, not nevver." 

His boyfriend winces. "I know that. That'th why we're gonna go thay goodbye." 

Quiet. Endless quiet. Eridan searches for something to say. 

"You didn't get to go to her funeral, huh?" Eridan muses, "So you didn't really get to say goodbye, the first time around." 

Sollux leans against him as they walk. "Nope." 

"Sucks." 

"Yep." 

The graveyard doesn't look any less dismal at nighttime than it is during the daytime- maybe a little darker and a little eerie looking but barely any different. There aren't any lights but the stars and city streetlights nearby light it up well enough that Eridan can keep to the path. Sollux knows the way better than he does, leading the way to Aradia's bland, boring grave. The closer they draw, the further back Sollux seems to draw. But eventually, they come to a stop in front of the grave and stand there, staring at it. 

Clearly, they aren't the only people to visit, since there's a bunch of dark red flowers laid beside the grave with a dark blue ribbon tied around them. 

"Terezi." Sollux says, miserably. 

"Sometimes, I forget that she kneww Aradia too. So did Vvriska. So did Damara. It's wweird to think that she affected so many people's livves." Eridan says. It's weird to think about... Y'know, dying. Thinking about the people you'd leave behind. He wonders if Aradia ever thought about the harm she was going to cause by dying... He wonders if she had time to think.

"Her favourite colour." Sollux is listening; he drops to his knees beside the grave, "AA..." 

He doesn't say anything, he just looks up at Eridan pointedly. It takes Eridan a few moments to realise that his boyfriend wants to be left alone. 

"Oh, should I... Givve you a moment?" 

Sollux nods and Eridan decides that he'll go for a short walk until Sollux is done. 

As he walks away, he catches sight of his boyfriend gingerly touching the stone of the grave. Like he was finally accepting it as real. 

The next day, Sollux seems a little better for the trip. After they came home, he just cried himself out, (saying something about Aradia's favourite colour and how could he ever forget?), until he fell asleep with his face buried in Eridan's shoulder. His face was wet and warm and rather uncomfortable but Eridan held him there anyway, rubbing his back even when he'd known Sollux was asleep. 

Today, a little tired after the night out, Eridan wakes up first and finds that Sollux is still tightly curled against him, snoring gently into his shirt. Sleeping, Sollux doesn't look quite so... Sollux. He looks much too soft like this, much too vulnerable, and it's probably because he hasn't got his face scrunched up in annoyance or confusion like he usually has. Or maybe he's just out of focus because Eridan hasn't got his glasses on yet and everything looks soft and fuzzy without them. Either way, Eridan doesn't wake him and just shifts a little to get rid of the cramp in his leg. Sollux moves with him willingly, reattaching like a limpet. 

"AA, we can't..." He mumbles, in such a pathetic way that Eridan tenses. 

"Sol..." He attempts to rouse him gently, "Sol, you're mutterin'." 

"We gotta go back." 

"Sol."

"We can't jutht leave-" 

"Sollux!" 

His eyes snap open abruptly, so fast that's it almost frightening, before falling half-closed again as soon as he's aware of where he is. Sometimes, Eridan wonders what it must be like to dream as vividly as Sollux seems to- his dreams seem to be sharper than anything Eridan has ever dreamt. It's scary. It's something that he should maybe ask Kurloz to look into. Regardless, now that he knows his boyfriend is awake, he nudges him for attention. 

"Mornin', Sol." 

"Nnngh." He murmurs in response, kissing Eridan lazily on the jaw in a poor attempt to reach his mouth. Needless to say, Eridan is not pleased to be slobbered on and wipes his face on the back of his hand. 

"Gross." 

"You're grothth." Sollux groans and pushes himself up onto his elbows, eyeing Eridan evilly, "It'th too early to be up, you athth." 

"It's nearly midday." He leans in and bumps noses with him, smiling. And he knows that Sollux smiles too because he feels it against his lips as he kisses him. When Eridan pulls back, Sollux whines loudly in complaint, falling headfirst against his chest and pushing against him. 

"Kithth me, you aththhole." 

"Wwhat kind of manners are those?" Eridan fumbles for his glasses on the bedside table, pushing them onto his nose so that he can actually see, "You look beautiful."

"Thhut up." Sollux rolls his eyes, which are sharp and bright without his glasses to obscure them. The blue one looks like a river, the reddish-brown one like autumn leaves. Or coffee. Or something equally as hipster and poetic. They are beautiful. He is beautiful. And Eridan wants to stare at them- at him- for the rest of his life. 

"I havve nevver been more ready to marry you, Sollux Captor." 

Even if he does wear the grubbiest shirts and has cowlicks that stick out all the wrong ways and he doesn't clean his teeth often enough or take enough showers. Even if he thinks Stars Wars is better than Harry Potter and if he thinks every meal should be microwaveable and if he likes takeout pizzas and nipping at Eridan's ears to tease him. Even if he's a complete idiot and a complete genius all at once and he tastes like Red Bull and he has the worst mood swings in the entire world. Eridan will take all of that, if it means he can curl up like this with him forever and ever, every single morning until the sun explodes and the world ends. 

"I can't wait to marry you either, Eridan Ampora. But it doeth mean that I can only call you Ampora for another few weekth."

"I'm sure you'll make the most of that opportunity." Eridan chuckles. 

And he leans in again, catching Sollux by the lips and pulling him in closer so that he can kiss him. He kisses him hard, kissing, kissing, kissing until there's no air and he can't breathe and there's only him and Sollux in a perfect world. Karkat yelling in the other room makes them both jump, letting go of each other and exchanging looks. Sollux starts laughing and it's contagious. 

"I forgot that wwe livve wwith other people." Eridan snickers. 

"I forgot that we live with aththholeth who can't keep their voiceth down." Sollux pulls a face as Karkat continues to yell in the other room, "Let'th go find out what the fuck'th going on. Thee if we can bribe KK into thhutting up." 

And he climbs out of bed, snatching his glasses, and Eridan follows him. 

As a reward, they are confronted by Karkat screaming obscenities at Terezi in the front room. From the looks of things, they are at each other's throats (literally), their noses almost touching as they take turns to yell. Eridan has never heard Terezi sound mad like this (and... Hurt?) so he can't help being taken aback. She looks a wreck, he has to admit. 

"Wwhat's goin' on?" Eridan wonders aloud. 

Karkat turns to glare at him before turning back to Terezi. "Tell him what you did, Pyrope. Tell Eridan how you thought it was acceptable to sleep around with some _guy_ , despite the fact that both of you are already with other people. I'd love to hear the story again." 

Terezi says nothing. 

"Actually, why don't you tell Sollux since it's his brother that you're going to destroy?" 

Terezi actually looks like she might cry. That's new. 

That's when Sollux steps between them. "KK, I already know. Thhe told me." 

"Told you wwhat?" Eridan persists, sure that he's been left out of the loop. 

"She told you?" Karkat looks astounded. 

"I wasn't just going to sneak around behind Sollux's back, he's one of my best friends!" Terezi's voice cracks badly midsentence. 

"Is he as good a friend as _Kurloz_ is? Did you get Sollux to test out your new genitals too?" Karkat demands. 

_"Just stop it!"_ Terezi screams at him, "What the hell is wrong with you, Vantas? None of this is anything to do with you! Why don't you quit sticking your nose in where it's not wanted and stop with this hero complex? You can't fix everything, you ignorant dumbass, you're just making everything a million times worse!" 

Eridan's nice morning has been officially ruined as Terezi Pyrope starts to sob. She actually starts to cry, tears falling from her empty eyes, and it's a strange sight to see. Her, standing there in a hoodie and jeans, with no make-up and her nose dripping. She looks... Broken. He has no idea what's going on or what Terezi did but... Nobody deserves to cry like that. Everybody else seems frozen in place so he steps forward to pull her into his arms, wrapping them tightly around her and holding her tightly. Her hair smells strongly of cigarette smoke. 

That's also new. 

"Karkat, I don't think that was fair." Kankri says, in a measured tone, from where he's appeared in the doorway. 

"Hypocrite." Karkat storms off. The front door slams behind him and Dave, who was watching the whole time so silently that Eridan paid him no attention, races after him. The door opens and shuts again, (and they all catch a snatch of Karkat's rough voice and Dave's cool one), leaving the rest of them to stare at each other. Terezi is still sobbing. 

"Hey..." Eridan says, gently, "Tez, don't cry. Things wwill be okay. I promise." 

"That's easy for you to say..." Terezi sniffs, "You and Sollux are going to get married and live happily ever after. The only person I ever loved is a mega bitch that comes and goes as she pleases. And now, my only friend won't like me anymore."

"I'm your friend too, you athth." Sollux says, in a _duh_ kind of way.

"And me." Eridan adds. 

"And I." Kankri says- or maybe he was just correcting Eridan? 

Terezi manages a small smile. 

Whilst Kankri goes to make tea- some things never really change- Terezi sits down on the couch and manages to just about pull herself together. And she tells Eridan a million and one things that he struggles to process. Terezi recently underwent gender reassignment surgery but Vriska had rejected her anyway and said horrible things. Terezi's mom had died and she'd been right there next to her and her sister had stopped talking to her and it was tearing Terezi apart. Kurloz had been her only close friend aside from Damara and she hadn't meant to sleep with him- she was gay for gods sake. It was all a drunken mistake but now she's screwed everything up and Mituna was going to hate her. Everybody was going to hate her. 

"It's all gone wrong all at once and I can't do this anymore." Terezi finishes, sniffing. 

Eridan just nods and plays with her hair, enjoying the feel of it sliding through his fingers. 

"I'm really sorry about your Mom." He says, when she's done, "I lost mine too. But that wwas a long time ago, so it's not really the same. I wwas quite small." 

"Did you ever get over it?" 

"Get ovver isn't really the right phrase..." 

"It'th okay, TZ." Sollux is sat on her other side, his arm wrapped tightly around her shoulders, "You jutht have to learn to let people go."

"You're finally letting Aradia rest? Even though you still don't remember what happened?" Terezi turns to him, "Are you going to live the rest of your life with the mystery unsolved?" 

"I don't need to remember." Sollux shrugs, "It'th already over and I've moved on to better thingth." 

"He's talking about you." Terezi knocks her knee against Eridan's and smiles, "I hope I find my Eridan someday. Some... Cute girl that I really like. Not somebody that I can't let go or somebody that I only like in a casual sense." She looks at each of them in turn, "I really want what you guys have someday." 

Eridan hugs her tightly. 

"What now?" Kankri wonders, quietly.


	39. ACT FOUR: Part Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's not the stupidest thing they've ever done. 
> 
> NOTE: Thank you to everybody for being supportive of this fic, I'm so glad to be writing it again!!!

Getting married is a really weird thing that seems to consume your life more and more, the closer you get to it. Recently, Eridan has been getting more and more excited about it and so far today, he has texted Sollux a record fifteen times. Apparently, Eridan and Feferi are having some kind of crisis about what everybody's going to wear and- even though Sollux explicitly stated that he wouldn't care if everybody turned up in garbage bags- they keep asking his opinion like it matters. Honestly, Sollux is just glad that he had work today so that he could escape wedding planning central AKA the apartment. 

"Are you gonna reply to that?" Rufioh asks, nudging Sollux's cell over to him. There's some message about what kind of dress Feferi should wear flashing on the screen. 

"In a minute." Sollux sighs, sliding his phone back into his pocket, "I have told them not to meththage me while I'm working."

"Don't worry about it, hun." Rufioh calls everybody 'hun' or 'darling' or 'sweetie'. It's weird. "You're getting married, I can make some exceptions to the rules." 

"Yeah, that theemth to be the reoccurring theme." Sollux says. 

Because everybody _does_ seem to be making exceptions. Dave let him leave mid-game the other day to look at suits with Eridan without a word. And Karkat didn't question why Sollux was half-asleep due to exhaustion when they watched _The Martian_ the other day, though that might have been because he was too busy ranting to notice. And Kankri is doing his best to help him out in his way. That being, pushing cups of tea at Sollux in attempt to calm him down every time he freaks out. Sollux has been freaking out a lot. 

He's nearly called off the wedding three times but each time, Kankri or Karkat talked him out of it. Sollux has said it before and he'll say it again: thank god for the Vantases. 

Another message pings onto Sollux's phone and he pulls it out. Eridan. Again. 

Another message. 

Another. 

"Fuck." Sollux says. 

Rufioh smiles. "Eridan must really like you." 

After work- Sollux never thought he'd be the kind of person that would be able to go to work, let alone hang out after work with somebody- Sollux receives a text message from Karkat of all people. He asks Sollux to meet him for coffee, since he definitely owes him that much at least, and Sollux agrees. Still, he thinks it's weird that Karkat would ask to meet him somewhere, seeing as they share an apartment. Maybe Karkat doesn't want the others to overhear their conversation? It's not unlikely- Eridan hasn't been very happy with Karkat, since the whole Terezi incident. 

There's been a lot of unspoken tension since. Terezi has been avoiding nearly everybody with the exception of Eridan, who goes to visit her once or twice a week and always reports that she seems upset, and Damara, who always flips Karkat the bird when she visits. She seems furious with Karkat and that makes Sollux nervous. Because Damara glares daggers at Karkat and Karkat snaps back at her, completely unaware of what she's capable of. 

"I'm leaving, Rufioh." Sollux says, as he's heading out the door. 

"Have a nice night, kid." Rufioh whistles as he sorts something at his desk. As Sollux shuts the door behind him, Rufioh glances up to smile at him. For a moment, all Sollux can see is the poor guy on the ground being kicked to death by Damara. He has to stop himself from visibly shuddering. He wonders if Rufioh remembers Sollux being there at all, if he has a vivid flashback every time he sees him like Sollux does, or if he's completely forgotten. 

Sollux has to shake the memory from his mind. 

Anyway, Sollux meets Karkat at a coffee place after work and they sit across from each other at the booth in the corner. Unsurprisingly, Dave has tagged along too and is sitting on Karkat's lap- _on his lap!_ Who knew that Karkat could deal with that level of intimacy?- tapping away at something on his phone. God knows what. Sollux certainly doesn't want to know, so he doesn't ask. 

"We never really hang out like this." Karkat says, eventually, as he pokes at the marshmallows in his hot chocolate with a straw, "We're always surrounded by other people fucking shit up and honestly, I figured we needed some time away from all that." 

"Cut the crap, KK." Sollux says, "You're a terrible liar." 

"If you're going to lie to somebody, you should at least try and make eye contact." Dave advises. 

"I was just trying to make some small talk, fuck." Karkat rolls his eyes, "If you really want me to cut straight to the fucking chase with no interesting dialogue or exposition first, fine. But that makes this a terrible scene that wouldn't cut it in a movie. Seriously, where is the narrative? But whatever, I'll skip the bullshit." He looks up from his hot chocolate, "I know that what's happening with Terezi isn't really any of my business." 

"No, it'th not." Sollux agrees, "But you're going to lecture me about it anyway." 

"Well done, Captain Obvious, would you like a sticker?" Karkat says, sarcastically, "I know you want me to keep my nose out. But I just... Can't. I can't sit here and do nothing while Terezi is slobbering all over the man that is dating your brother. As your best friend, I have to step in here and tell you that we have got to do something about this." 

"KK." Sollux says, firmly, "Man, you're my betht friend. And I am willing to put up with a reathonable amount of bullthhit from you. That'th why I let you tear _The Matrix_ apart without complaining when I athked you to watch it with me. Becauthe I am willing to put up with thingth like that. But TZ ith my betht friend too. And I love her and I can't let you break her." 

"Sollux-" 

He stares him down. "I know you're upthet about all of thith. But TZ ith going through a really hard time at the moment. Her mom died, KK, and thhe watched it happen. Or heard it happen. Whatever the fuck you want to call it. VK ith ruining her life. And if TZ'th going to uthe KZ ath a coping mechanithm... I can't blame her." 

"You don't blame her? Kurloz is cheating on your brother with her!" Karkat looks confounded, "What's his excuse?" 

"I don't know." Sollux says, flatly, "Look... I agree that we have to do thomething. But barging and yelling at TZ... That'th not cool, man. That'th not going to fix anything. And bringing her..." He might as well say it. "Genitalia into the whole matter wath a really low blow. You thhould apologithe. You bathically outed her in front of the entire apartment." 

Dave looks up from his phone. "Dude, he's right. You don't out people like that." 

"How did you even know thhe wath tranth?" Sollux is curious. 

"It doesn't matter." Karkat waves it away, "But... Maybe you're right. I didn't really think of it as outing her in front of everybody but I guess that's what it was. She probably had to explain to Eridan and maybe Kankri about an uncomfortable subject for her." He rubs his temples, "Holy shit, that was such a dick move. I'm an asshole." 

"Apologise." Dave advises. 

"But I don't want her to think that I'm forgiving her for sleeping with Kurloz." Karkat sighs. 

"Then, you thay: _Pyrope, I thtill don't think what you did wath right. But I am really thorry that I called you out about your thurgery like a giant, flaming, aththhole._." Sollux says, "It doesn't have to be a big deal. We can thtop by her place after thith." 

Karkat takes a long sip of his hot chocolate, smearing whipped cream on his face. Dave is there to wipe it off before anybody has so much as blinked, pressing his lips against Karkat's. For them, it's probably romantic. As the third party, Sollux is kinda uncomfortable. When Dave pulls back, Karkat looks breathless. Sollux shifts in his seat. 

"I have an idea." Dave says, still staring at his Tumblr feed, "If you're interested."

"If this is another stupid idea, like wearing watermelons as shoes, I don't want to hear it." Karkat says, in an exasperated _my boyfriend is an idiot_ kind of way. 

"Don't blow your top." Dave says, coolly, "I just have a suggestion for what you should do about Terezi." 

"Go on." Sollux urges. 

"Well." Dave says, "Here's my proposition: she's having trouble with her bitch of a girlfriend. So, we break them up. We find TZ somebody better to date, so that she doesn't feel the need to have a fuckbuddy on the side." 

"That's... Actually not a terrible idea." Karkat says, "When Warner turns out to be a massive douche in _Legally Blonde_ , Elle is upset and tries to win him back. But in the end, it doesn't matter because she ends up with Emmett, who is a much better match for her." He pauses to take a sip of his drink, "So, if Terezi breaks up with Vriska, she might find a better match with somebody else. But who?" 

"Why is _The Martian_ terrible but _Legally Blonde_ good in your eyes?" Sollux wonders.

"Who do we know that would be a good match for Terezi?" Karkat isn't listening. 

"Who do we know that could put up with Terezi?" Dave corrects, "I mean, we want to set up a secure relationship so that she doesn't feel the need to platonically date Kurloz anymore. We want her to be happy. We'd have to find somebody that would be able to work long-term." 

"What about Feferi?" Karkat suggests, "She's sweet, bubbly, single."

"But she's also not looking for a relationship." Dave points out, "She hasn't shown any interest in dating anybody." 

"Terezi's close with Damara." Karkat shrugs, "What if-"

"No." Sollux says, firmly, "They're jutht friendth."

"It can't be anybody who's already in our group." Dave says, "We should try and find somebody that Terezi hasn't met before, so that it doesn't cause any more drama. Somebody from out of town, somebody new around here. And then, we set them up as a date for the wedding, because everybody tries to get laid at weddings." 

"Where are we going to find somebody that's willing to be set up with a complete stranger?" Karkat raises an eyebrow, "Somebody that will come to a stranger's wedding to meet some girl they've never met before just because they got asked by three random guys off the street." 

"I have no idea." Sollux sighs. 

Somebody clears their throat. A girl, wearing an old parka and some worn out pants, has approached their booth and is standing in front of them. She's pretty cute, Sollux guesses, since she has dark curly hair and a pinkish, freckled kind of face. She has a cleft lip that becomes more obvious when she smiles. 

"Hey." She says, as if they're supposed to be unsurprised, "I'm Nepeta Leijon. I was sitting over there-" She gestures vaguely, "And I couldn't help overhearing you say something about Terezi. Um, are you guys her friends?" 

"You could say that but you would be wrong." Karkat says, "You know her?" 

"Yeah, we used to be friends." Nepeta shrugs, sliding into the booth beside Sollux, "Well, sorta. Our sisters were friends and we used to play together. We were young though, I doubt she remembers me. I moved away a long time ago because of- well, it doesn't matter. But I'm visiting town for a few weeks and I was wondering if she wanted to hang out." 

"I don't remember you." Sollux frowns. 

"You don't remember anything, Sollux." Karkat points out. 

"Anyway, how is Purrezi?" Nepeta asks, "I'm guessing by the way you guys were talking about her that she finally got her name to stick." 

"Yeah, thhe did." Sollux nods, "She's at law school, she's doing pretty well there. Lately, she's been having some... Relationship problems but-"

"Her girlfriend left her." Dave jumps in, "TZ's really torn up about it. We're trying to set her up with somebody else to cheer her up about it. See, Sollux here-" He gestures to him, "- is getting married soon and Terezi thought she'd take her girlfriend. But since they broke up, it looks like she'll be going alone. I don't suppose you know anybody that would be interested in going to the wedding with her?" 

Karkat and Sollux exchange panicked looks. 

Nepeta looks upset. "Oh, poor Purrezi, getting her heart broken. She shouldn't have to go alone to this wedding..." She considers, "Well, I might still be in town then. If she'd really like somebody to go with, then I guess I could go with her. Do you think she'd really like that?" 

"I'm sure she would." Dave says, "I can pass your number onto her, if you'd like." 

"I would." Nepeta nods, "I would like. Let me write it down for you." 

Much to Sollux's confusion, Nepeta hangs around for the rest of the evening to chat with them. She tells them about her cats that she has at home and about her favourite TV shows and everything else that pops into her sweet little head. And she tells them about how she hasn't been on a date for a really long time and how this should be really fun for her and Terezi. She genuinely does seem like a nice person but the point still stands that- 

"You lied to her!" Karkat says, as soon as they step out the door. 

Dave shrugs. "It had to be done, man. It was lady fortune smiling down on us or some shit. What were the odds we'd run into somebody from out of town that already thought Terezi was nice? It was only a little lie. We'll just have to make sure that Terezi and Vriska officially break up before the wedding." 

"And how the hell are we going to do that?" Sollux says, "I mean, Vriska is pretty clingy." 

"We just tell Terezi that she has to break up with her." Dave says, as if this is all simple. 

Nothing about this is simple. 

"Why don't you thlip that in after your apology, KK?" Sollux suggests.

Karkat groans. "I thought you'd forgotten about that." 

"Never." He turns to Dave, "You don't mind uth making a detour to TZ'th place on the way home, do you?" 

Dave shakes his head. 

The cafe that Terezi and Latula live in is a little out of their way but on foot, it seems longer than ever. It doesn't help that Karkat is complaining the whole time, about the walk and about having to go to see her. Sollux gets the idea that he's secretly glad that they're doing this, though, because Karkat is a really good person underneath all the yelling. And they all want Terezi to be happy, even it takes unconventional methods. Setting up a blind date between a stranger and his best friend is probably the weirdest thing Sollux has ever done- if not, it would definitely make the top ten list at least. Still, Nepeta seems to have a good, kind heart and Terezi needs somebody good in her life. Terezi needs somebody that won't let her crumble in the same way that Vriska and Kurloz are. 

Because, as much as Sollux likes Kurloz, he doesn't seem to make Terezi feel any better. Nepeta, maybe, hopefully, might help Terezi live a little happier. 

When they reach the cafe, they all slip through the door and pass the tables to get to the back of the room. Sollux is about to open the door to the stairs, when somebody grabs him by the arm and yanks him back. He yelps, looks up, and finds himself nose-to-nose with Latula Pyrope. And she looks furious. Her other hand is gripping Karkat by the arm, nearly lifting him off his feet, much to his obvious annoyance. He's so short. Sollux wants to laugh. 

For some reason, Dave hasn't been touched. 

"What the fuck?" Karkat squawks, apparently rendered otherwise speechless, "You could have killed me, Jesus Christ!" 

"I'm not thure Jethuth can help you here." Sollux's arm is twisted at an uncomfortable arm, "Latula, pleathe let go." 

"My sister doesn't want any visitors." Latula tells them, firmly, "Especially not any assholes like you." 

"I didn't do anything." Sollux protests, "Fuck, let go." 

Reluctantly, Latula releases her grip on him. "She's having a really hard time right now and you people just seem to upset her. She- we- can't deal with your shit right now. Captor, Vantas-" She stares at Dave, blankly, "Coolkid, get outta here." 

"No, wait-" Karkat says, shaking Latula's grip off, "I need to talk to Terezi. Apologise. What I said to her... I said some things that I shouldn't have said and I need to talk to her about it. It's really important." 

"Vantas, I am tired of your shit. And your brother's shit too. The two of you can stay out of my sight until you can straighten yourselves out." Latula points at the door, "Do yourself a favour and get lost, before I get really pissed off." 

Karkat rolls his eyes and storms- it's not hard to picture an angry raincloud over his head- towards the door. He swings it shut behind him with a bang, causing several customers sat at their tables to nearly crap themselves. He stands outside, fuming, waiting for Sollux and Dave to follow him. 

"Well?" Latula raises an eyebrow. 

"We'll go." Sollux says, quickly, "Jutht tell her-" 

The door that leads to the apartment creeps open and Terezi appears there, half-dressed and without her sunglasses. How long has she been standing behind the door, listening to their conversation? Sollux can't even guess. Long enough, apparently, because she steps forward and speaks. 

"Dave, you can come in." She says, "Sollux." She turns to him, blank eyes bearing into his soul and eating away at it; it's harder than Karkat's stare, "I love you, Appleberry, but I think Karkat needs your company out there. He might go full-Hulk on somebody if you don't keep him in a check and I don't want him bursting a blood vessel." She grins, "Well, not without me there to watch." 

"You said you didn't want to see anyone." Latula says, flatly, "Not even me." 

"C'mon, Dave." Terezi gestures for him to follow and he slips after her. The door shuts behind them and Sollux hears their footsteps on the stairs and the faint sound of Terezi's loud voice and Dave's quieter one. 

Latula looks put-out. "You heard her, go wait outside." 

"Latula, she's not mad at you, if that's what you think." Sollux tells her, "You haven't done anything wrong." 

"My sister isn't talking to me." Latula sighs, "She's moving out Monday. And I know that it's 'coz she's upset and shit but... I wish she'd talk to me. We've never been too close or anything but I understand what she's going through. And I'm tired of her acting like it's only her Mom. My Mom died too, Solcap." 

"Thhe'th moving out?" Sollux is surprised. He wasn't told about this. 

"Well, she spends half her time 'round Creeps McSkeleton's place anyway, so she just decided to move over there." Latula shrugs, "I can't pretend I'm not upset but if it's what she wants..." She trails off, "You should go." 

"Yeah." Sollux wonders if there's anything he can possibly say to salvage this conversation, to cheer Latula up somehow, but he can't find anything. He never knows the right thing to say to people. If only Eridan were here... He just shrugs back at her and heads out the door, joining Karkat in the warm summer evening. 

"She let Dave in?" Karkat looks offended, "She let that douchebag in but not us? Fuck this." 

"That douchebag ith your boyfriend, man." Sollux chuckles, "Does he know that's how you refer to him behind his back?" 

"That's how I refer to him to his face." Karkat rolls his eyes, "He's a douche and he knows it. I can't believe that Terezi wants to talk to him but not us." 

"Well, the whole blind date thing wath DV'th fault. Let him take the fall for it."


	40. ACT FOUR: Part Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did somebody say pointless exposition and crappy writing? You're welcome.

Terezi looks better, strangely, despite the fact that she is obviously upset about breaking up with Vriska. She came to Eridan early this morning, crying and saying that she finally did it, she finally broke it off. It took her a while to calm down enough and explain that she had ended her relationship with Vriska, thanks to some help from Dave- apparently, he went with her and told Vriska that she better keep the fuck out of their lives. So, props to him for that. And, Terezi added, she had a new date for the wedding, because Dave had set her up with a nice girl that she used to be friends with. That, she said, was why she'd come. 

"I've never been on a proper, real date with somebody like Nepeta." Terezi says, as Eridan tries hard not to smudge the nail polish on her pinky finger, "I'm excited, obviously, but I don't know what I'm meant to do. What do I wear, what do I say? That's why I came to you because you're the second best at romance after Karkat and Karkat is still mad at me." 

She's explained that she hasn't seen Nepeta in years but she remembers her as being super nice and super cute. Terezi doesn't know how to talk to anybody like that- most people she know are complete assholes (Sollux) or really insensitive (Vriska). But Eridan knows she'll do just fine with Nepeta. Terezi is awesome person, Nepeta would have to be dumb not to like her. 

"Wwhy is Kar still mad at you, if you broke up wwith Vvris?" Eridan asks, "I thought he wwas mad that you wwere cheatin' on her." 

"He's mad because I still haven't told Mituna that me and Kurloz... You know." 

Eridan raises an eyebrow. "Oh, the mysterious _you knoww_. That could mean anythin', you knoww. An' I assure you, I'm picturin' the wworst." 

Terezi smacks him over the head with a cushion. "You're gross." 

She manages to spill the pink nail polish over the table but he wipes it up quickly with the sleeve of his sweater (rest in peace) before it can stain. Then, upon realising that he doesn't have enough of the same colour to finish her nails, he decides to start over and dabs the pink off her nails completely. He rummages for a better colour, a blue or a red, and settles on a teal. Even if she can't see, he knows that she'll like the teal. 

"Yeah, I'm wworried that Sol is rubbin' off on me." Eridan sighs, as he unscrews the top of the nail polish bottle. 

Terezi laughs. "In the best way. You guys make each other better, you know. Without you, I think Sollux would be in a really bad way and without him, I don't think you'd be having this conversation with me right now. And I don't know what I'd do without you right now, Eridan." 

"Wwell, you wwouldn't havve anybody to paint your nails for you." He says, holding her index finger as still as he can to colour it in teal; he's trying hard to keep his hand steady. 

"My sister used to do it." Terezi says, laughing before falling abruptly quiet; she tilts her head down at her lap, "My sister hates me because I moved out." 

"You movved out?" Eridan didn't know this. How come nobody ever tells him anything? Terezi has been sat here for twenty minutes, telling him every minuscule detail of her life and "I moved out" never came up. He rolls his eyes. 

"Duh. I live with Kurloz now, didn't Sollux tell you that?" Terezi frowns, "Honestly, trust that boy to forget. He's such a dumbass. Anyway, I moved in with Kurloz and we live together now." She must realise what his next question is, "And yes, we sleep together sometimes. But I swear, it doesn't mean anything. I'm lonely and we... He understands my pain." 

Eridan nods and doesn't say anything else. 

He thinks he understands and he would be completely cool with them sleeping together casually- but Mituna is going to find out eventually. And Eridan can't let Mituna get hurt, he just can't. Mituna is the sweetest (and crudest but whatever) person he knows. Eridan spoke to him just the other day on the phone and Mituna was bubbling about Kurloz coming over later. He cannot stand by and watch Kurloz tear that boy apart. He should call Kurloz later. 

The door creaks open and a sleepy Sollux stumbles through the door and collapses beside Eridan. He leans against him, soft and warm, and Eridan kisses his forehead to greet him. Sollux mumbles something and closes his eyes, falling asleep on his shoulder.

"Is that Sollux?" Terezi asks. It's hard to remember that she's blind sometimes. 

"Yes." Eridan tells her, continuing with her nails. He turns round, ignoring Sollux's mumbled protests, and catches the eye of his therapist. Kankri has been lurking in the kitchen for a while with Cronus, talking amongst themselves, and probably waiting for Terezi to leave. They've picked their side and it's Karkat's. But Eridan digresses. "Kan, wwill you make some coffee?" 

Kankri nods at him and gets to work. 

"I shouldn't be here." Terezi shifts, uncomfortably, "Nobody likes me here." 

She doesn't look relaxed at all in their apartment, her shoulders tight and her gaze fixed on one spot. Her teeth have been digging into her bottom lip, since she got here, as if she's expecting Karkat to burst through the door any second and yell at her. Eridan's worried that might happen too but he's determined to stick up for Terezi this time. He won't let Karkat make her cry. 

Kurloz is the one cheating. Terezi is just the girl he's cheating with. Terezi doesn't deserve to be yelled at for that- Kurloz does, but not Terezi. Yet, nobody's yelling at Kurloz for cheating. Eridan wonders if that's sexism at its core. 

"I like you." Eridan says, "So does evverybody else- Karkat's just mad about you an' Kurloz."

"He's not mad at Kurloz though, just me." Terezi sighs, before she brightens up quickly, "Forget it, I don't want to talk about it anymore. Let's talk about something else, like the fact that you're going to get married soon! Look the pair of you, all adorable together!" She gestures to them and narrowly avoids knocking the nail varnish over again, "I can't wait for the wedding." 

"Neither can I." Eridan can't help grinning, "I'm goin' to spend the rest of my life wwith this beautiful man." He pats Sollux on the back, "There's goin' to be a great party afterwwards too. You can dance wwith that girl you're bringin', Tez." 

Sollux shifts against him, sitting up properly, as Kankri brings his coffee over to him. He takes it gratefully, nodding to Kankri and taking long sips of it in effort to wake himself up. Eridan realises that he's staring at Sollux again, like a love stricken idiot, and forces himself to look somewhere else. He smiles at the table. He had no idea that marrying Sollux would be like falling in love with him all over again. 

"Are you guys going to have the first dance?" Terezi asks, "You do know that Sollux is only willing to dance when he's drunk, right?" She cackles, "Good luck getting him to dance with you, Eridan." 

"He'll dance or he wwon't get laid on his wweddin' night."

Sollux grumbles. "I can't dance." 

"You just need to practice." Eridan says, finishing Terezi's last nail and screwing the top back onto the bottle, "There. Keep your hands still for a wwhile. Nepeta is going to lovve them- no, wwait, she's goin' to lovve you. You're a great girl." 

Terezi grins. 

That afternoon, long after Terezi has left, Karkat confronts Eridan. He enters the kitchen, goes straight to the refrigerator, and takes out a soda. He cracks it open, takes a long sip from it, and then turns to Eridan. It would be unfair to say that Karkat glared but there was a certain hardness to his expression that meant Eridan was sure that he was about to yell. Instead, Karkat speaks in a cool tone. 

"Terezi left her jacket here." 

Oh. Yeah. Eridan can see the denim jacket covered in badly-stitched patches sprawled over the side of the couch from here. Shit, he hadn't even noticed that she had left it here. He should return that. 

"I'll take it back to her later." Eridan assures him, turning back to the macaroni and cheese he's making.

Karkat shakes his head. "I'll take it." 

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Eridan asks. 

"I'm taking her jacket back, I'm not going to yell at her." Karkat rolls his eyes, "But anyway, that's not what I came over here to talk to you about. I have a proposal." 

The only word Eridan picks up on is proposal and he nearly chokes on the piece of macaroni he just stuck in his mouth. He looks at Karkat, his surprise obviously evident, and the smaller man decides to rephrase. He looks frustrated. 

"I don't mean that kind of proposal, shit-for-brains." Karkat huffs, "Jeez, I'm not getting down on one knee here. Actually, I realised earlier that you and I had a similar problem. Guess what that is." He doesn't wait for an answer, "Neither of our boyfriends can dance. And that's going to be one hell of a problem at your wedding." 

"True." Eridan nods, trying to picture Dave dancing and failing. Dave's too cool to dance. 

"So, here's what I propose: we get them to learn together while the two of us eat this-" He gestures to the mac and cheese, "- and laugh at their incompetence as they stumble over each other's feet."

"I don't think that wwill help our situation but it sounds amusin', so I'm in." Eridan nods. 

Which is how they come to be on the couch, with two spoons stuck in a huge bowl of mac and cheese, laughing their asses off five minutes later. It took a lot of bribing to get Sollux on his feet but it was worth it because now, Eridan gets to watch him clutching at Dave and trying desperately not to make eye contact. Dave and Sollux are about the same height and of a similar height, so it shouldn't be awkward, but it is. They're both trying hard to look cool but it's really not working. Dave looks flustered about Sollux's hand on his waist to say the least. 

Karkat can't stop snickering, his mouth mashed against his hand in an attempt to stop himself from laughing too hard, and gives his boyfriend a thumbs-up. 

"Look him in the eyes, Sol." Eridan advises, giggling like a twelve year old girl, "Eye contact is important." 

Karkat laughs hard. Sollux looks like he might kill somebody. 

"Jesus Christ." Karkat finally remembers how to breathe and gets to his feet, "Sollux, get the fuck out of the way so I can dance with my boyfriend." 

Red in the face, Sollux collapses onto the couch beside Eridan and tries to bury his face in his shoulder. He's clearly embarrassed about what just happened, so Eridan shushes him gently and strokes his hair. Eventually, he manages to coax Sollux into sitting up straight again and grips his hand, squeezing it tightly. Sollux is hot with embarrassment and Eridan mouths an apology to him. Sollux mouths that he should fuck off and they both start laughing. 

Then, Eridan catches sight of Karkat and Dave. And he can't laugh anymore. 

They fit together perfectly. 

"Wwoww." He mutters under his breath and fumbles for his phone to change the music playing to something gentle, something softer, something prettier. Karkat looks momentarily surprised at the change of music but he quickly goes back to staring up at his boyfriend, barely blinking. Dave takes his shades off and slips them in his pocket, still holding Karkat tightly against his chest. They look really, really great together. 

"Do you think we look like that?" Sollux asks, "Like idiotth in love?" 

"You just look like an idiot." Eridan tells him. 

Sollux pulls a face at him. Eridan pulls one back. 

"You're ruining the moment, guys." Karkat tells them, still swaying slowly with his boyfriend. 

"Thhit, thorry." Sollux gets to his feet, clearly planning to leave. Eridan stands too and quickly, Eridan grabs his boyfriend around the waist and pulls him back, spinning him around so that they can face each other. And wordlessly, he lets one hand fall onto Sollux's shoulder and the other on his waist, and he holds him there for a moment. Sollux places his hands uncertainly and they try to mimic Karkat and Dave. Try to move slowly and gently and romantically. It doesn't work. 

Sollux steps on Eridan's foot at least three times and neither of them can keep a straight face. 

"You're beautiful." Eridan tells him, as Sollux bumps into him. 

"You're the perthon I love motht in the world." Sollux replies, before adding, "Hey, I'm getting pretty good at thith romance thing. I think it'th the marriage thing finally thtarting to have an impact on me. I keep getting butterflieth when I look at you. Like jutht met you all over again." 

Eridan exhales. "You keep gettin' that too?" 

"Oh, thank god, I thought I wath going crazy." Sollux breathes, "You get the weird fluttery feeling too? Becauthe looking at you maketh me feel thweaty and like I'm going to throw up."

"Howw romantic." Eridan snorts, "But I knoww wwhat you mean. You make me feel nervvous-sick." He pauses, staring at Sollux's mismatched eyes as he steps on his foot again, and swallows his fear, "You don't think wwe're rushin' into this, do you? Because I'm really scared." 

Sollux considers for a long moment, gripping his hand a little tighter. "I can't imagine wanting to thpend the retht of my life with anybody elthe. Can you?" 

Eridan tries to imagine growing old with anybody else. He can't. He shakes his head. 

"I want to thtill be making dick joketh with you when you're old and my brain hath been implanted into a robot." Sollux says. 

"You're such a romantic." Eridan pokes him in the side, making him laugh. 

"I'm theriouth, I want to marry you." Sollux says, looking solemn, "I want to thpend the retht of my life with you. I want to have children and grow old and all that boring thhit. I want to do it all with you. But I don't want to ruthh into it. That'th why we waited tho long for the wedding- tho that we don't ruthh. We'll take thingth nice and thlow." 

"God, you're perfect." Eridan hopes he doesn't cry right now. 

"ED." Sollux touches his face, "I can't wait to marry you. I would do it now if I could. And I've never felt that way about anybody before." 

Then, Eridan does start crying and has to let go so that he can dab at his eyes with his sleeve. He sits down on the sofa, sniffing, and feeling pathetic. Sollux smiles at him, honest to god smiles and it's the closest thing to warm sunshine, and sits beside him. And he slides his arm around Eridan, pulling him close. Eridan loves him so much it hurts. 

"What about you?" Sollux asks, "Are you ready?" 

Eridan nods. "I love you." 

And they sit together, watching Dave and Karkat slowly spin their way across the front room. And they watch as Sollux changes the music to a more upbeat song and Dave starts to grind on his boyfriend, making them laugh. Karkat is mad at first but after a beer or two, he's willing to let Dave pretend to give him a lap dance. And they all end up laughing like idiots. 

Eventually, Sollux and Eridan slip away to their bedroom for some time alone. And Sollux tells him how much he loves him as he pins Eridan down to kiss him and it's just like falling in love all over again.


	41. ACT FOUR: Part Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know??

"Remind me again why I agreed to be a thtereotype for the day?" Sollux asks, as he trails after Eridan in the boring department store. It's just full of clothes. Seriously, who comes all the way out to the mall to look at clothes? 

Homosexuals, if the group he's with is anything to go by. Leading the charge is Eridan with Terezi gripping his arm to make up for leaving her cane at home. Behind them, Kankri is talking loudly about how they shouldn't gender-specify clothes and Cronus is nodding his head, not because he agrees, but because he's an earphone tucked in his right ear. Sollux is bringing up the rear, hating his life and hating department stores. 

"Because I need a dress and you're my best friend?" Terezi turns so that she can pull a face at him, "C'mon, Appleberry, lighten up! I trust your fashion advice."

Everybody with working eyes scoffs. 

"What?" The blind girl asks, unknowingly. 

"Tez. Sol. I lovve you both, you knoww that." Eridan says, inspecting a purple dress carefully before deeming it not good enough, "But you both dress like you crawwled out of the garbage." 

"That's because we did crawl out of the garbage. We're trash, up-top!" Terezi holds her hand up and Sollux high-fives her. It's true that the two of them have a very similar style of ratty t-shirts and worn-out pants but that's just what people wore in their neighbourhood. Latula dresses like that too and Mituna, so that just must have been what was in style while they were growing up. Or maybe Eridan is right and they did all crawl out of the garbage. Sollux wouldn't be surprised. 

"I'm not sure that you should refer to yourselves in such a negative manner. It probably has a poor impact on your self-esteem and how you view yourselves." Kankri says, apparently still listening to the conversation, despite the fact he's staring at his phone screen. It must be something pretty important because Kankri never normally checks his phone whilst walking. Cronus is steering him around things so that he doesn't fall face-first into a trashcan. 

"We're trash!" Terezi repeats, cheering, "MY NAME IS TEREZI PYROPE AND I AM TRASH!" 

That attracts the attention of several other shoppers, who glance over at them before sighing that dismissive "young people, ugh" kind of way, before returning to their shopping. Terezi is grinning like she's in front of an audience, turning back to face the right way, still hanging off Eridan's arm. 

Speaking of Eridan, he clears his throat. "My point still stands. I am not lettin' anybody come to my wweddin' in their crappy jeans an' stupid t-shirts wwith old rock groups printed on them." Before anybody can jump in, he clarifies. "Evverybody is dressin' up, no arguments. Evven Cro is goin' to wwear a suit so that I can wwillingly associate myself wwith him." 

"If I vwear a tie, can I keep the jacket on?" Cronus thumbs the edge of his leather jacket, hopefully, but Kankri shakes his head. 

"No boyfriend of mine will be attending this wedding in a filthy jacket." Kankri says.

"You guyth thuck." Sollux tells them, "What'th next, no drinking at the wedding?"

"Well..." Kankri tilts his head a little to one side. 

"Jesus Christ." Terezi summarises Sollux's thoughts perfectly. 

The trail around the department store is dull, long, and too tedious to bother documenting. Sollux spends most of it debating with Terezi about the new Batman vs. Superman movie, since he's almost certain that Batman is going to win. Much to his surprise, Kankri and Cronus both join the debate, putting across some very valid points. In the end, everybody collectively agrees that the win goes to Batman, purely because Kankri argues relentlessly on Sollux's behalf. Kankri gets a real smug look on his face and says something about being captain of debate club in high school. Poor guy really didn't have any friends, did he? 

Still, Sollux can't help noticing that Kankri is glued to his phone. When he asks about why, Kankri just mutters something about texting Porrim and goes back to playing a game of "how subtly can I brush against Cronus so that nobody notices?", pressing into his boyfriend's side. Sollux swears that those two are growing so close that one day, they'll merge into an almighty being that will destroy the planet. Wow. Sollux really needs some coffee.

They stop for coffee and he couldn't be more grateful. The whole time, Eridan is wrapping his leg around his under the table, very subtly so that nobody notices. Sollux enjoys the feeling of his boyfriend's leg brushing against his. There's something intimate about it. When he kisses Eridan, Terezi yells that she actually heard their mouths mashing together and how it's the grossest sound she's ever heard. 

"Like a tentacle monster or something." 

Sollux kisses Eridan again just to watch Terezi cringe. 

The next department store isn't much different from the first. Still, Eridan insists that they will know The Dress ("capital T, capital D") when they see it. It will scream "Terezi" at them. When Sollux points out that the shirt over there with the hideous dragon print on it screams Terezi, his best friend races to purchase it. Eridan says he meant pretty dresses not dragon t-shirts, for gods sake. They did not come here to buy dragon t-shirts. 

"Wwe're goin' for cute an' casual." He says, "Wwe wwant Tez to look feminine wwithout lookin' ovver the top. Like she just threww on one of the many dresses she owwns." 

"I don't own a dress." Terezi says.

"Pullin' off an outfit is all about actin'." Eridan tells her, "As far as Nepeta is concerned, you havve a million cute dresses. You didn't evven go shoppin' for the dress, you just picked out one of your favvourites." 

"Right." Terezi looks baffled, "Do all girls know these things?" 

"All girlth and croththdreththerth." Sollux pats her on the shoulder, (also, jeez, "crossdressers" is a mouthful to say with a lisp), "Be grateful you don't have to live with Eridan'th conthtant fuththing about clotheth." 

"Sol..." Eridan whines. 

"It'th cute." Sollux says, quickly. 

"You're cute." 

"If I ewver get this soppy, you hawve my full permission to slap me." Cronus murmurs to Kankri, who hides a laugh behind his hand and digs his elbow into Cronus's side, "'Ey, screvw you, chief. Vwe ain't gonna be losers like 'em." 

"You're already lotherth like uth." Sollux tells him. 

"Hovw d'ya figure that?" Cronus quirks an eyebrow. 

"You're here, aren't you?" Sollux says, thinking back to earlier. He had been in the room this morning, when Eridan had brought up the shopping trip in the first place, and Kankri had been quick to jump onboard. Then, Kankri gave Cronus _the look_. The look that had Cronus off that couch and ready to go dress shopping in seconds, even though he'd been against the idea previously. When Sollux recounts this, Cronus just mumbles some excuse about wanting to come to the malland shrugs. 

"Whipped." Terezi calls. 

Kankri sighs. "Terezi, I hardly think-" 

"Vantas, you have got him freaking WHIPPED!" Terezi proclaims, cackling loudly. She switches arms, letting go of Eridan and swinging off Kankri's arm instead. It's needless to say that the therapist looks blatantly uncomfortable with this but Terezi seems oblivious. She seems to have forgiven him for taking Karkat's side- what is going on with her and Karkat anyway? They still seem distant but they seem to be getting along well enough... Sollux won't question it. He's too busy laughing at Terezi ruining the romantic tension between Kankri and Cronus. 

By the fourth store, Eridan is on the verge of giving up completely, if the tired look on his face is anything to go by. Since Terezi is still clinging to Kankri, Sollux steps around them and catches up with his fiancé. 

"Thith ithn't going ath well ath you thought, huh?" He says, as they walk.

"Maybe Tez isn't the kind of girl that wwears a dress." Eridan says, sighing before turning to him and adding quietly, "Maybe you wwere right." 

"A little louder." Sollux grins. 

"Maybe you wwere right, Sol!" Eridan says, so that everybody can hear it, before his voice drops back down, "I havven't seen any dresses she'd like. An' I knoww she can't see... But I wwant to find somethin' that she wwould like to be able to look at. An' I really wwant her to look nice for Nep." He pulls Sollux behind a rack of shirts, ducking out of view, "Listen. Don't tell her I told you but she wwas really upset about Vvris. Terezi cried. She _cried_." 

Sollux can count the times he's seen Terezi cry on one hand. He's not even sure that she cried that one time she broke her arm when they were eight or nine. He's not even sure that she cried when her Mom died, if her account is anything to go by. Terezi has always seemed like some kind of superhero- some one too tough to cry. The Vriska/Kurloz situation causing her to breakdown is surprising... And painful. Sollux can't help but feel bad for her. 

"I know, we really need thith thing with NP to go well for her." Neither of them mention the fact that they've both adapted nicknames for Nepeta already, "We'll find her thomething pretty to wear... But don't take control of thith, ED. Thith ith her date, not yourth." 

"I don't mind, I already got the hottest date at this wweddin'." Eridan kisses Sollux on the nose, before standing back up straight and pulling him by the arm. They have to rush to catch up to their friends.

"Vwovw, you really are a quick fuck, Cap." Cronus pretends to check his watch, (he's not even wearing a watch), "By my count, that vwas about tvwenty seconds." 

"Wwe don't spend evvery moment alone screwwin', Cro." Eridan huffs, red in the face, "Wwe aren't like you an' your boyfriend. No offence, Kan." 

"Sick fires!" Terezi chimes in, brightly.

"I liked you better before you started hanging out with Strider." Sollux glances sideways at her. She grins and offers him a high five anyway and that's when he realises that she's not acting like Strider. She's acting a lot more... Like Latula. He frowns. Who's she trying to impress? The last time Terezi started acting like this, she was all over Vriska at Pride. Is she trying to act cool for Nepeta? Jeez. The girl's not even here and Terezi is nervous. 

"Hey, TZ." Sollux pokes her in the side, "You don't need to imprethth thith girl to get her to like you." 

"Honey." Eridan looks at him, pointedly, "She needs to dress up nicer than that." He gestures to Terezi's mismatched clothes dismissively, "If she wwants to score wwith this girl." 

"Okay, firtht of all, thtop being every gay thitcom character ever." Sollux says, ticking them off on his fingers, "Thecond of all, I met thith girl and thhe wath wearing a parka. Tho, TZ, if anything you thhould wear cargo pantth or thomething. And thirdly." He makes sure that everybody is listening, "Terezi can thcore a girl without rethorting to acting or wearing a pretty drethth. Don't be thhallow, you guyth." 

Kankri nods, knowingly. "Sollux is right, I suppose. Maybe we have been blowing this entire date out of proportion. After all, I put nowhere near as much thought into my first time meeting Cronus. Mainly because I thought I was going to be discussing his brother's anxiety, not flirting. Regardless, perhaps you should just go as you, Terezi." 

"Nepeta will like me most for who I am, right?" Terezi says, "I guess I should just- THIS ONE!" 

Her hand, which she had been trailing along the rail of dresses, comes to an abrupt stop. And, fumbling a little to find the hanger, she lifts the dress off the rail and runs her hands over it. Then, Terezi turns back to them, holding the dress up. 

"So, seeing-eye people, is this one pretty?" She asks. 

"Yeah, that one'th nice, I guethth." Sollux says, barely looking. The dress is some sleeveless blue-ish thing- pretty plain-looking. It's glittery. He's not used to seeing Terezi in anything that doesn't have a dragon or a Superhero logo printed on the front. 

His boyfriend, on the other hand, talks for at least five minutes. Sollux doesn't listen. 

Then- Jesus, shopping takes forever, Sollux wishes he'd just stayed home to play Cards Against Humanity with Dave, Karkat, Latula, and Damara instead- Terezi has try the dress on with Eridan's help, while the rest of them wait outside. Sollux just watches Kankri scrolling through his Tumblr over his shoulder, making snide comments at the bullshit on his feed. And when Kankri switches to his messages, tapping away quickly, he can't help reading the last few messages. They were right under his nose. 

"Dr Maryam'th here?" Sollux widens his eyes, "Like, in the mall and on her way to thee uth?" 

Kankri shelters his phone from his gaze. "You really shouldn't invade somebody's personal privacy like that, Sollux, but if you must know... Yes. I invited her because I thought her fashion advice might be appreciated. Kanaya and her fiancée are coming too." He looks up at Sollux, biting his lower lip, "Is that going to be a problem for you?"

Yes. 

"Vwhat's goin' on?" Cronus leans over to try and get a look at his boyfriend's phone. 

Kankri pushes him away. "My friend, Porrim, will be joining us shortly." 

"Shortly, as in-" 

"As in, right now." Porrim strides over to them, appearing from nowhere seemingly, flicking her hair over her shoulder; she nods to each of them in turn, "Kanny. Mr Prodigy. Ampora." 

"Hello." Kanaya is close behind her, "Apparently, there is some kind of fashion crisis that we were asked to intervene in. At least, that's what I gathered from the messages that Kankri sent to my sister. As a fashion major, I consider this to be my area of expertise, if you don't mind me stepping in for a moment." 

"In other words, this is an intervention." Rose Lalonde states. 

The lesbians take it from there, thank god. Terezi steps out of the changing room, picking uncomfortably at the hem of the dress, and Porrim clicks her tongue. She looks Terezi up and down, instructs her to stay put, and goes off in search of something better. Disgruntled, Terezi disappears back into the changing room. Sollux goes back to spying on Kankri over his shoulder, for lack of something better to do, but his mind is a million miles away. 

Dr Maryam- Porrim, he should call her, she said to call her that- and him have a strange kind of relationship. As in, if it weren't for her, he might still be as... Well, bipolar as he was when he jumped off that bridge. She, as the person that took charge of his care in the psychiatric ward, is the person he owes his life to. If it weren't for her... Where would he be now? He certainly wouldn't be as happy or as good at managing himself without her. But he feels strangely embarrassed to see her again- the sight of her makes him squirm a little. He wants to keep his life in the psychiatric ward separate from his life outside of it. 

"It's wweird seein' Porrim again." Eridan says, as he leaves the changing room and collapses on the floor beside Sollux, "It's wweird, right? The last time wwe saww her wwas wwhen wwe wwent to Kar's old home, remember?" 

Sollux remembers vividly but he wished he didn't. How come he can't remember most of the good times he had with his friends in high school but he can remember days like those? He remembers Rose and Porrim on the stairs, Kankri and Dave getting bruised, and the fuzzy feeling he got before he puked on the sidewalk. There was a lot of tears and blood shed that day. How horrible. And, of course, Maryam had been there. She always seems to appear during bad situations. 

Porrim returns, Kanaya at her side, carrying a handful of dresses. 

"Our old home." Kankri corrects, a little too late, so that it sounds sad and lonely; he clears his throat, "Porrim." He catches her by the arm and pulls her closer, "I haven't seen you in so long. I missed you." 

"I missed you too, Kanny." Porrim smiles. For some reason, Porrim and Kankri make an incredibly odd pair of friends. Considering he's uptight and a little snobby and refuses to let anybody near him without exquisite permission and she's covered in trailing tattoos and acts casual as can be, constantly hugging Kankri much to his distaste, it's hard to see them as friends. But as they talk, Sollux is fixated. Because Porrim and Kankri aren't just friends, they're incredibly close. 

"Look howw wweird they look together." Eridan wrinkles his nose. 

"I know." Sollux can't stop staring, "They have nothing in common whatthoever. Kankri ith tho thnobby and Porrim-" 

Eridan leans in close. "I wwas talkin' about Kanaya an' Porrim. They're so _different_." 

"I guethth?" Sollux shrugs, "I thought you were helping TZ." 

"She kicked me out an' replaced me wwith Davve's sister. Of all the people!" Eridan rolls his eyes, "Anywway, Porrim scares the shit outta me. But I think her sister... I'd like to be friends wwith her sister. Do you think that wwould be okay?"

"You're friendth with a million girlth, how ith thith any different?" Sollux frowns. 

"I don't knoww, she's just so... Pretty. I'm a little intimidated." Eridan is whispering. 

Sollux rolls his eyes. "For god'th thake, don't be thuch a lother. Thhe'th jutht a girl." He pushes himself up onto his feet and approaches Kanaya, who is leaning against the wall, "Hey. It's Kanaya, right? I don't think we were ever officially introduced. I'm Tholluxth." 

_"Tholluxth."_ Cronus mocks, automatically, from the corner he's moping in. 

"Hi, Sollux." Kanaya smiles, "No, I don't believe we met 'officially'. We were under quite dangerous circumstances at the time, though, so I was more concerned with other matters. How are you?" 

"Eh, not bad. Buthy getting ready to get married." Sollux shrugs, "You?" 

"I am experiencing similar problems, I believe. Rose and I are trying to prepare for our wedding but it's more difficult than you might think." Kanaya shrugs back at him, a glint on her eye, "We can work through the pre-wedding tension together, Sollux." 

"Yeah." He says, "It'th more thtreththful than I thought it would be. I thought I jutht had to thhove a ring on ED'th finger and throw a party but apparently, it'th more work than that. Thuckth." 

"Indeed." Kanaya chuckles, "Who knew weddings were so much work?" 

"I definitely didn't." Sollux says, "Oh, yeah, thpeaking of which..." He grabs Eridan by the front of his shirt and drags him over, "KN, thith ith my fiancé, Eridan. Eridan, thith ith Kanaya. You both like fathhion. Dithcuthth." And he backs out of the conversation, his part done. 

That's when Terezi throws aside the curtain and the fashion show begins- each dress different to the last. Sollux thinks all of them are fine, seeing no problem with them, but everybody else seems to find a problem in every single dress. It's too short, it's too long, the colour's wrong, the lace is garish, the sleeves look awful. Sollux had no idea that: a. There were so many different types of dresses or b. There were so many things that could be wrong with a dress. 

Anyway, it's all very boring and Sollux is seriously considering drilling a hole into his skull by the end of it. 

By the fifteenth or sixteenth dress, he's just saying: "It'th fine, they're all fine; can we go now?" 

Eridan smacks him lightly on the arm. "Honey." 

"We aren't married yet, you don't get to call me that." Sollux sticks his tongue out. 

"Bite me." Eridan says. 

"Ith that an invitation?" Sollux bears his teeth.

Eridan rolls his eyes. "Sol, not in front of the others, c'mon." 

Sollux concedes. 

The Dress (capital T, capital D) turns out to be one of the first ones that Terezi tried on- much to Sollux's annoyance- and it's a teal coloured one. He's not surprised by the colour in the slightest but he is surprised by how much of her skin it shows. Mainly because he was never preciously aware that Terezi had so much leg. She teases him, waving her leg in his face, until he rolls his eyes and kicks her away. Terezi grins. And... She looks happier than she has in a long time, so Sollux ignores how stupid she's being. He thought that they'd finally get to go home but Terezi is so cheery that she says she'll pay for lunch if anybody wants some. 

Sollux perks up at the mention of free lunch. 

He ends up wedged between Terezi and Eridan at the table, listening to their eager debate over who the best Steven Universe character is. Eridan is a strong Pearl fan but Terezi is arguing furiously that Amethyst is cooler than everybody is. Sollux is tempted to jump in and argue for Lapis Lazuli but decides to abstain. Instead, he picks at his fries and tries to engage Kankri in conversation. It doesn't go great. Kankri talks so much that he can't get a word in. 

Sollux spaces out. And that's how he catches sight of Nepeta across the food courts, hanging around with an older girl with a mane of hair. He only recognises Nepeta by the same worn parka and the same mess of hair hanging around her face. He doesn't think he spots her but he's not taking any risks, turning away quickly. 

"Terezi..." He hisses, "TZ. Your future girlfriend ith right over there."

Everybody turns to stare. 

"Oh my god, don't all look at once!" Sollux groans, "One at a time. C'mon. Eridan, firtht." 

His boyfriend turns quickly, glancing before turning back. "You wweren't kiddin', that girl has evven less fashion sense than Cro." 

"Go suck your boyfriend off." Cronus says, turning to stare, "Jesus, is that a parka?"

"Wwho wwears a parka in the summer?" Eridan asks. 

"Who wears parkas ever?" Porrim sounds horrified. 

"Should I go say hi?" Terezi has fixed her gaze on the table, her head ducked so that she doesn't make "eye contact". In other words, she doesn't want Nepeta to catch her looking in her direction. 

"No." Cronus says, quickly. 

"Yes." Rose says, firmly. 

"She's looking this way." Kankri observes. 

"Under the table!" Terezi orders, slipping out of her seat and ducking under the table. Rolling his eyes, Sollux follows suit and narrowly avoids sitting on somebody's abandoned fries. Eridan falls down on his other side, running a hand through his hair, looking confused. 

"This is dumb." He mutters, "Wwhy are wwe hidin'?" 

"Okay, debate time." Terezi decides, "The topic: should I go and talk to Nepeta? Cronus, you'll lead the argument against. Rose, you are for. Everybody else, pick your sides." 

There's a lot of elbows and knees to the face as everybody crawls to the correct sides. Sollux is still crushed but this time between Terezi and Porrim, neither of which apologise for elbowing him in the ribs or (in Terezi's case) sitting half on his lap. 

"This is dumb." Eridan repeats, to make sure everybody gets his point. 

"This is justice." Terezi corrects. 

"Thith ith dumb." Sollux agrees, "Jutht go talk to her. What have you got to lothe?"

"Interesting." Terezi says, "Opposition?" 

"Vwell, at the moment, you're anonymous." Cronus points out, "If you meet her novw, the point of it bein' a blind date kinda disappears, doesn't it?" 

"True. Rose?" 

"Terezi." Rose says, firmly, "If you're going to go on a date with this woman, there's no reason that you shouldn't introduce yourself. It will make things less awkward when the actual date rolls around because you'll already have spoken." 

"Kanaya?" 

"But you're not dressed appropriately to meet the woman you're going to date." Kanaya says, "You look scruffy. You should wait until the wedding so you can impress her with the dress you just purchased." 

"Kankri?"

"Terezi, if Miss Leijon is going to be an important part of your life, you should introduce yourself and us. She's going to end up being a part of our group and it's important that we all approve of her." 

Why does the name Leijon sound so familiar? Sollux swears he's heard it somewhere before. 

"Eridan?" 

He looks like he's thinking. "Wwell... If you're not goin' to go an' talk to her, then I'll fuckin' do it. I nevver pictured you as a cowward, Tez." 

"I'm not a coward, we're engaging in debate. This is how the courts make all their best decisions and I'm in law school, so I know these things. Shut your face." Terezi nudges him with her foot, "I'm gonna go talk to her." 

By the time they've all wriggled out and sat back in their seats, Nepeta has disappeared from view. Sollux is the first to notice, yet again, and he catches his best friend by the arm before she can go over there and make an idiot of herself. And he tells her that Nepeta isn't standing there anymore, she's disappeared, and that's when it clicks into place. He knows where he knows the name Leijon from. He can't believe he didn't recognise it prior to now.

Meulin Leijon is Kurloz's ex-girlfriend. 

Without a word of explanation, he gets up and races to make a phone call out of earshot of Terezi. And since her hearing is good, he has to set a safe distance between them. He ends up in the parking lot, dialling Kurloz's number quickly. 

"You are not going to believe what'th happening."


	42. THE INTERMISSION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of the actual wedding (pt.1)

Nepeta Leijon sits in front of the mirror that she has in her hotel room, trying her best to tease her curly hair into an acceptable style. From what little she remembers of Terezi, that girl is incredibly pretty and judging by the few selfies that Dave sent her, nothing has changed there. Terezi is pretty in a "looks beautiful but will kick your ass if you look at her the wrong way" kind of way. How on Earth is Nepeta supposed to meet those kind of standards? She can't even get her hair to to fall neatly around her face. There's one curl that insists on curling the wrong way.

She fixes her hair so that the strands at the front are pinned back out of the way and lets the rest of it falls where it may. She draws carefully around her eyes, filling them in to make them look a little more cat-like. She colours her lips in a glossy shade of pink. And that's all she knows how to do. Honestly, Nepeta has been on a few dates before, but hardly any. She prefers to watch other people fall in love from the sidelines than search for love herself. There again, this whole blind date thing fell right into her lap. Maybe that's fate? If this were a movie, it would be blatantly obvious how it would end. But real life isn't like that.

Nepeta learnt that years ago. She had grown up watching her older sister fall in love with everybody cross her path, seen Meulin writing furious amounts of fanfiction about the people she liked. Nepeta had always thought that her sister would never settle down. Then, Meulin had met Kurloz. They had gone steady for such a long time that Nepeta thought they would be together forever, that this was the way that things were supposed to go. Everybody knows that in Rom-Coms the flighty girl always figures out how to commit and lives happily ever after with the quirky but lovable male interest. Nepeta thought Meulin had got her happy ending.

Then, Meulin had fallen out of love with Kurloz. She had broken up with him when their family had moved away and Nepeta had never seen Kurloz again. Which she thought was strange because Meulin and Kurloz really seemed to like each other. That was when Nepeta had figured out that love wasn't really how they painted it to look in the movies. In fact, love is a much more delicate thing that could fall apart at any minute. Nepeta supposes that's why she hasn't found anybody she's really willing to stay with yet. Why she prefers to watch other people fall in love. Because she's scared that she'll end up being somebody else's Kurloz.

Speaking of which, Meulin steps out of the bathroom, just wrapped in her towel. She kneels down beside her suitcase and begins to search through it, looking for something appropriate to wear to a wedding. Nepeta watches her, curiously. She had bought her own outfit at a nice thrift store in town and assembled it herself. Pale green dress with lace around the hem, black boots, cat-shaped hair grips. Nepeta thought she looked rather nice but then, she sees her older sister pull out something dark and sparkly out of her suitcase, and she knows that she's lost. Because Meulin will have found something prettier.

Not that it matters, of course, but Nepeta can't help feeling a little jealous. Her older sister is everything that she's always wanted to be- attractive, popular, friendly, nice. Nepeta is shorter, more cute than attractive, completely flat like a pancake. She's never been popular because she can't talk to people- she's a little awkward and prefers to roleplay with people over the Internet rather than talk to people in real life. She tries to be friendly but comes across as "weird" and "odd" and, (once or twice), "autistic". The one thing she knows for sure is that she's nice. Nepeta is nice. That's what people say about her. She's nice.

"You look nice." Meulin signs, unknowingly proving her little sister's point.

"Thanks." Nepeta signs back, quickly, "Are you worried that Purrloz might be at the wedding? He was furiends with the Pyropes too, wasn't he? And Purrezi's going to be there so..."

"I don't think Purrloz is the kind of purrson that would go to a wedding." Meulin signs, slipping off her towel and getting dressed.

Nepeta shrugs. "You're purrobably right. Still, we should keep an eye out fur him. I bet he'd love to see you again!"

"I'm not so sure." Meulin slips on her dress, which looks like a proper party dress, unlike Nepeta's. She looks like she's on her way to a tea party and Nepeta is a little in awe. Her sister is just so beautiful.

"What do you mean?" Nepeta inquires.

"I hurt him..." Meulin looks sad, "I'm not sure I could ever face him again."

* * *

Kurloz lets her run her hands over his suit, taking in every inch of him curiously, and Terezi can't deny that it's a nice suit. Feels soft, smells good, wonderful to her touch. Some of her more primal urges want her to rip it off him but she crushes them down with her new sneakers. She's wearing her new dress, which has a full skirt that barely reaches her knees. According to Sollux, she looks "leggy", "like a thpider or thomething". Though, actually, he hasn't sounded like that since he got his braces taken off. She misses the lisp. Anyway. The new sneakers were a gift from her sister, which arrived in the mail, and Kurloz told her were "blood red". He could have put in less creepy words but whatever.

"Your suit is nice." She decides as the verdict, once her hands have trailed all the way around his waist. Touching him like this fills her with strange feelings. She doesn't want to... Kiss him or hug him or hold his hand or anything soppy like that. She certainly doesn't love him. But she is filled with strange urges to push him back onto the couch and make him moan. Earning moans from somebody as quiet as Kurloz is incredibly rewarding. Sometimes, she wonders just how gay she really is. Maybe not as much as she originally thought.

"Thanks. I think your dress makes you look very beautiful." Kurloz says and the words drop off his tongue awkwardly. It sounds like he means it but there's something uncomfortable about that. He's trying desperately to be platonic, since he's taking Mituna to this wedding and she's taking Nepeta, but it's a little hard to put the fact that they fucked _yesterday_ on the couch behind them. His hands slip down her sides until they come to rest on her waist, the spot before her skirt spreads out. Terezi understands quickly and she loops her arms around his neck, closing her eyes even though it makes no difference. And they sway-step together in the silence of their apartment.

"Investigator, let's make an agreement." Terezi says, as they move slowly in circles around the front room. His hands don't drift any lower or any higher, she doesn't attempt to stand any closer to him. They keep a safe distance between them, like they're middle schoolers at a dance and they're trying not to catch cooties from each other. That thought makes Terezi want to laugh but she catches herself, biting down on her bottom lip. She tilts her head up, so that it's as close as they can get to eye-contact. That way, Kurloz knows she's serious.

"Shoot." Kurloz invites.

"Well." Terezi begins, "As you know, I have a date today. You also have a date today. So... Let's agree that afterwards, post-date, we won't screw again. Not unless we have full consent of both of our partners. And if we do it again..." Terezi pauses for dramatic effect, "Then we have to tell our significant others everything. But only if we screw again. If we successfully keep away from each other from today onwards, this can stay our secret. I'll take it to the grave."

"I'll agree to those terms." Kurloz says, in a way that makes it sound like he's smiling, "If you do."

"We've got a deal then." Terezi smiles up at him, letting her arms fall back to her sides and stepping away, "Friends?"

"Friends. Without benefits." Kurloz says, "Would you like me to fix your hair for you?"

"Please." She grabs the hairpins off the arm of the couch.

Terezi sits in front of him and he begins to pull her hair back, making her wince with each tug on her hair. It hasn't been brushed since she moved in with Kurloz, since they don't own a brush between them, and is tangled in all kinds of knots. It hurts as he tames it with just his slim, gloved fingers and pins her bangs back behind her ears.

"Is Mituna excited about the wedding?" Terezi asks, to make conversation, as Kurloz's fingers comb through her mess of her hair.

"You have no idea." Kurloz chuckles.

* * *

Cronus turns to him, sighing. "I look like an idiot."

"You really don't." Kankri can't help smiling. What? It's hardly his fault if his usually greasy and badly dressed boyfriend looks exceptionally good in a suit and tie. Even if the tie isn't completely straight, which Kankri steps forward to fix. Once that's been adjusted, everything is perfect. Cronus looks good like this- clean, less grease in his hair, his glasses on. Unfortunately, as soon as he remembers that he's wearing his glasses, he removes them and slips them into his pocket. Kankri protests but, of course, Cronus doesn't listen.

"I'm proud to call you mine today." Kankri tells him.

"Don't bullshit me, you're proud ewvery day." Cronus dips down to kiss him gently, "I knovw you are, chief. An' I'm glad that you're mine. I'm gonna shovw you off to ewverybody at this vwedding."

"Cronus, everybody at this wedding already knows that we're dating." Kankri points out, leaning in to the kiss and soaking in the closeness of them. Seriously, his arms are wrapped around Cronus's shoulders to help him reach and his nose is brushing against Cronus's. Growing up... Kankri had never pictured himself as being intimate with anybody. And yet, here he is, holding onto the homecoming king. When he says this, Cronus just laughs.

"I nevver thought I wwas goin' to get a fuckin' nerd." He shrugs, "Honestly, wwhen I wwas a teenager, I wwas fixed on the idea of datin' a six-foot blonde girl wwith a chest to rivval Scarlett Johansson's." He flicks one of Kankri's curls, "Looks like I didn't get anythin' right."

"If it helps fulfil your high school wishes, I'm sure that Eridan would lend me some heels so that I could match up to your height." Kankri says, "But I thought I was feigning height quite well here just by standing on my tip-toes. Oh! I have an idea." He pulls Cronus back until they're beside the coffee table, which he steps tentatively onto, "There."

Now, he's at least an inch taller than Cronus.

Cronus laughs. "Vwovw, it's really scary to see vwhat it vwould be like if you vwere tall."

"I think this is a reasonable height to be." Kankri runs his hands through Cronus's hair, pushing his fingers through the curls and finding that the slight grease on his fingers isn't too overwhelming, "We might have to stand here for an exceptionally long time; I'm really enjoying being this much taller than you."

"Vwell..." Cronus wraps his arms back around him and picks him up, whirling him around until Kankri starts laughing, and placing him back down on the table. "I like you a vwhole lot better vwhen you're short, chief. It's kinda endearin'."

"You're endearing." Kankri tells him and he kisses him again.

* * *

Ever since Sollux came to visit the other day, Mituna has been pretty upset because he found out that his younger brother "had his braces taken off" and doesn't sound like Mituna anymore. Honestly, it's not fair because they're brothers, best brothers, and Mituna always liked that they sounded the same. When he found out, he refused to talk to Sollux anymore because he didn't like how his voice sounded but since today is Sollux's wedding, his dad told Mituna that he's just going to have to suck it up and enjoy the wedding. Mituna _is_ a little excited. He's never been to a wedding before, since his dads normally leave him at home with Damara to keep an eye on him, and he thinks his dads are scared about something. He doesn't know what, though.

"You look great." Dad Two tells him, as he fixes Mituna's tie for him, "I'm so glad that you're going to be there for Lux. It's a very important day for him, you know. Plus, Eridan and the Peixes girl probably got some nice food for the wedding."

"Honey, we aren't just going for the food." Dad One sighs, "Sollux is getting married. I can't believe it, actually. I didn't think he was ever going to settle down after that friend of his died."

"Aradia." Mituna says, proud that he remembers, "And thhe wath hith girlfriend, for godththake, Dad. That'th why he wath getting laid all the time in the back of her thtupid van. And why he kept thlipping out to go meet up with her."

His parents exchange looks. Dad One clears his throat. "Mituna, how do you know all that?"

"How do I know all what?" Mituna blinks, confused. What had they been talking about again? He forgot. Ugh, how frustrating!! "Dad, ith Ampora going to be at thith wedding? The thcary one, I mean. Not the nerd one or the greathy one." He hated Mr Ampora; the last time Mituna had seen him, he had ended up crying, "I don't want him to be there. He'll ruin everything for everybody. Aththhole."

"Language." Dad Two tells him, firmly, as he finishes fixing his tie, "There."

"You didn't anthwer my quethtion!"

His dad pauses, like he does when he doesn't know the answer to something. "Well... Mituna, I don't actually know if Mr Ampora will be there or not. He is Eridan's father after all- so there's a fair chance that he might be there. If he is, we'll just ignore him, okay?" Then, he adds in a whisper, "I really hope that douchebag's not there."

Mituna laughs.

Dad One rolls his eyes. "You know you can't talk like that around Mituna, he'll pick up on your language. You can't just call people... You know, douchebags. Even if it's true."

Mituna laughs harder. He laughs until he can't stop laughing anymore and that's when his legs seem to give up on him and he falls down. He ends up on the floor with his dad having to calm him back down before he does anything stupid by accident. He manages to stop laughing eventually, though he can't help giggling now and then at how much his dads hate Eridan's dad. He's never seen his dads hate anybody before, especially not in front of him. Mituna's just glad that they all think the same thing about Mr Ampora.

He really hopes that Mr Ampora isn't there.

* * *

Feferi can't help wondering if Eridan is as excited as she is. She's been up since very early this morning, unable to sleep because she's so excited, and in that time, she's planned out every possible detail of this wedding. Honestly, she can't wait. Still, she can't help worrying about Eridan. Sure, he seemed excited yesterday but knowing him, he will be totally freaking out by now. This is a big deal for him and Sollux both, since neither of them thought they were ever going to get married and the day is finally here. That's why she's on her way to their apartment.

She grabs her make-up, her dress, and stuffs it all into a bag before stepping out into the corridor and closing the door to her hotel room behind her. Feferi likes staying in hotels- she can afford easily to stay in the fanciest kind, where they'll bring you breakfast in bed and give you a massage if you ask. Unfortunately... She really does miss having her own apartment.

Here's the short of it: when Meenah got out of the psychiatric ward, she didn't have a place to stay. And as much as Feferi dislikes her sister, she couldn't turn her away when she had nowhere else to go. So, she had let Meenah in. And then, she had let Aranea in- Meenah's girlfriend. And then, Meenah's "trading" business had been set up in her front room. And then, Meenah had slowly taken over the apartment entirely, until Feferi didn't have a spot to call her own. Even if her bedroom became a place for storing stolen goods for gods sake. Feferi couldn't handle it, so she checked into this hotel and she hasn't left since. Nobody has any idea that she's here. Not even Eridan.

Logically, she realises that it would be best for her to tell someone- maybe somebody like Damara Megido, who would be more than willing to kick Meenah's ass- but everybody else seems to have enough on their plates. That's why she's kept this to herself the whole time, so that nobody else has to deal with her crap on top of everything else. Maybe, she tells herself, once all the other drama has cooled down, she'll tell somebody. But not today.

Today is too important to be taken up by her silly worries!

There's a skip in her step as she hops up the steps to Sollux and Eridan's (and co.) apartment and she smiles as she spots the door at the end of the hallway. She knocks on it, fully expecting Eridan to open it for her. Instead, an exhausted Karkat with his hair sticking out in all directions and his old t-shirt badly crumpled flings open the door and scowls at her. She doesn't take offence, since she's learnt that his resting face is "pissy".

"Peixes, your boyfriend's still asleep." Karkat tells her, firmly, "I suggest you either fuck off or come inside and wait for him. Either way, I'm going back to bed so you better make your choice now. Marriage or not, I'm not missing out on my sleep."

She ducks inside and Karkat closes the door behind her, turning away and stumbling back into the front room where he seems to sleep. She follows, sitting on the couch, and watches him fall back onto the mattress that he shares with Dave. She barely withholds her "awww" as Dave wraps an arm around him and pulls him in closer. How adorabubble is that?

"Hello, Feferi." Kankri calls, approaching from the kitchen. He's all dressed up in a suit and a red tie and... Well, she can't help thinking that she can suddenly see the attractive side of Kankri Vantas. She crushes that weird thought before it can fully form and nods to him.

"Hi, Crabkri!" She waves at him, "You look great."

"You don't look ready for the wedding." Kankri states, "Unless we weren't supposed to wear formal wear after all. Still, even a bathrobe doesn't seem to count as "casual wear", Feferi." He seems bothered by the fact she's just wearing a robe over her pyjamas, "You are going to be ready on time, aren't you?"

"Of course I whale." Feferi promises, waggling her pinky finger, "Pinky-swear, Crabby. I'm just waiting for Erifin to wake up so that we can get ready together."

"How fucking sweet." mumbles Karkat from his mattress.

Kankri nods his approval and disappears back into the kitchen.

Feferi glances at where Karkat is sprawled and an idea begins to form in her mind. "Hey, Karkat, Dave, have you guys ever thought about getting your own apartment?"

"We can't afford it, Peixes." Dave opens one startling red eye so that he can roll it at her, "Not all of us are princesses, y'know."

"What if you had a roommate who was willing to cover costs?"

* * *

There are never usually any customers in the cafe this early- Latula doesn't know why she bothers opening in the first place but she's running low on money and a half-day will get more money than a whole day off- but today is different. Today, a girl with her hair strewn in front of her face and a red ribbon trailing from a knot of hair enters the cafe and takes a seat at one of the tables furtherest from the window. Latula looks up and at first, she doesn't even recognise her. She approaches the table, notepad in hand.

"Yo, what can I get you?" She asks. Her waitressing skills could use some work but that's because she's used to TZ doing it for her. Terezi used to help out whenever she could, squeezing work shifts in between writing her papers, and Latula misses her a lot.

When the girl looks up, pushing her hair back, Latula realises that it's Damara. She's wearing a loose shirt that's hanging off her shoulder and a skirt that rides a little too high up her thighs. Her lipstick has been smeared across her face, her eyeliner smudged as if she's been crying. She toys with her hair, looking over the menu.

"Uh... Can I just get coffee? Please?" Damara's accent is still thick but her English seems to be improving by the days.

"Hey, Damz, it's me." Latula sits down across from her, "It's me, Latula. Hey, girl, I haven't seen you in forever. You look down, what's up?"

"If I am down, how can I tell you what is up?" Damara frowns.

"I mean, what's wrong? You look upset about something." Latula corrects herself.

"Well..." For a moment, she's not sure that Damara's going to tell her anything; then, the Japanese girl sniffs and mumbles in a rush, "Neighbours found out that I working the street corner and they throwing things at my home. I can't live there. I had... A rough night."

"Sucks, man." Latula nods, "I know how you feel though. I haven't been sleeping so good since my baby sister left to go live with Makara. I know she doesn't need protecting anymore... But I can't help it, y'know? I just want to protect everybody... But people keep leaving, so maybe I'm not doing such a great job."

Damara pulls a cigarette from her pocket and lights it, lodging it between her teeth. "Sounds like we both having a hard time. I am sorry about your sister leaving you. People should not leave like that. It no fair on people left behind."

"Yeah." Latula agrees, watching the smoke trail from the end of Damara's cigarette and creep towards the ceiling, "Y'know I can't let you smoke in here."

Damara scowls and takes another puff of it. "You know, I am not going to give you money unless you get coffee. Then, we talk more. Yes?"

"Alright." Latula agrees.

* * *

While Dave showers, Karkat sits in the small space that he cleared on the bathroom counter and checks through the medicine cabinet for something that will help with his headache. It seems like they have pills for everything in here but when he checks, they've run out of aspirin. Fuck. He probably has time to run down to the store- or to send somebody else running down to the store for him- and grab some more... But what's the point? His headache isn't so bad right now, he'll just deal with it for now.

The shower shuts off and Dave sticks his hand out, waiting until Karkat hands him a towel. He climbs out, wrapped in the towel, and begins to rummage through the laundry basket for something to wear. Karkat pulls a face at him.

"You're lucky I find that face of yours sexy as hell." Dave tells him, poking Karkat's cheek, "Otherwise I would have dumped you for the sheer amount of times you use that expression on me." He dries himself off and wriggles into his binder, facing away from Karkat, "Help me out here, best boyfriend in the world."

"Calling me that isn't going to convince me to help your useless ass, Strider." Karkat gets to his feet anyway and untwists the straps of the binder, tugging into place, "You're lucky that I pity you so much."

"What would I do without you?" Dave's mouth twitches into a half-smile, as he continues getting dressed. They both pretend like they don't notice him slipping into one of Karkat's bigger sweaters.

"Masturbate a lot, I imagine." Karkat tells him, "And watch shitty anime."

Dave laughs. "That is exactly what I was doing before I met you. Though, it must have been the '90s or something because Sailor Moon was on TV a lot. Jeez, Karkles, how long have we been going out now? Since high school?"

"We've been going out much too long." Karkat says, sarcastically, "If we've reached the point where I have your morning routine memorised, it's been too long." He hands Dave his toothbrush, "Just promise me we'll never be one of those awful couples that everybody hates because they're so sappy."

"You mean, Ampora and Captor?" Dave says, through a mouthful of toothpaste, "They're pretty fucking sappy. I don't know if you saw yesterday when we are out at dinner with everybody but they were staring at each other the whole time. I thought they were going to start making out in front of everybody."

"They have been pretty pathetic for the last week or so." Karkat says, "Since they're getting married today, I won't rub it in their faces. But as soon as they get back from their honeymoon, I'm going to demand they tell me if it was really necessary to kiss during _Batman vs. Superman_. All I could hear was them eating each other's faces."

Dave nods. "They have no idea how cutesy they are, that's what makes it funny."

Karkat puts on his best lisp. "ED, you are the motht beautiful perthon in the world."

Dave spits into the sink and wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. "No, Sol, you are. I fuckin' lovve you, you don't understand." He mocks the accent so perfectly that they both break down laughing, "Sol..." He grabs Karkat by the shoulders and looks him in the eyes, "Sol, I lovve you. So much that I'm goin' to do the nasty wwith you on evvery single surface in this apartment until evverybody else is afraid to touch anythin'."

Karkat can't stop laughing. "Jesus Christ, they are willing to fuck absolutely anywhere. Sollux told me about this one time in the back of Kankri's minivan."

Dave picks up his shades and slips them on. "And on the floor of the front room. Cronus told me that he walked in on them once."

"Fuck, they're like rabbits in heat." Karkat snickers.

Once they've both managed to pull themselves together again, Dave clears his throat.

"You think anymore about what Peixes said?" He doesn't give Karkat a chance to answer, "Because I think it's pretty great of her to offer to pay rent for us until we straighten our shit out. We could get a nice apartment."

"Yes... But just us and Peixes?" Karkat wrinkles his nose, "Sounds awkward."

"More awkward than sleeping on the floor that Ampora and Captor like to screw on?" Dave raises an eyebrow and they both start laughing again.

* * *

Sollux wakes up to Eridan kissing him, first becoming aware of his boyfriend's lips tickling his forehead, then becoming aware of his head pounding. Fuck. He should not have drunk last night. Neither of them should have actually but Sollux is much more of a lightweight. He lies there, groaning, until Eridan takes pity and shuts the light off. In the dark, the world is a little easier to welcome and Sollux pushes himself up. He feels queasy but most of that is nerves, he thinks, not part of his hangover. His headache on the other hand... Definitely a hangover. He should get some water. He's about to slide out of bed when Eridan catches him on the arm.

"Sollux." He says, and even in the dark it's not hard to tell that he's grinning, "Bee, wwe're gonna get married. I'm so excited."

"I'm going to kiss the shit out of you as soon as I've taken a shower." Sollux tells him, getting out of bed and stretching, "We should have showered last night. I still smell like the kitchen floor that you pushed me down on. Thanks."

Eridan laughs. "So vvery romantic."

His hand slides down Sollux's wrist, until he's holding his hand. Then, obviously assuming that Sollux can handle bright light now, Eridan switches the bedside lamp on. It's like somebody shone a torch in Sollux's eyes and he winces, narrowing his eyes until he can see properly. As soon as his eyes have adjusted, he sees Eridan grinning widely at him.

"Looks like you left your shirt somewhere." Sollux points out.

"It wwas sticky, I had to throww it out."

"You could've just washed it."

Eridan shakes his head. "Gross, no. Can I borroww one of your shirts today?"

Before Sollux can reply, Eridan is fishing through the closet for one that he doesn't deem "awwful" or "hideous" or "tacky". There aren't a whole lot of Sollux's shirts that he approves of, in other words, but there are a few that he doesn't seem to mind.

"You should get dressed too. People are comin' ovver." Eridan says, as he picks out a shirt and pulls it over his head.

"You've lost weight." Sollux notes, squinting to make sure. Yep, definitely. When he first started dating Eridan, he could't wear any of Sollux's shirts. The one he's wearing now fits him perfectly.

"I didn't think you'd notice." Eridan says, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, looking embarrassed, "Me an' Fef havve been wworkin' out together. Do I look okay?"

"ED." Sollux raises an eyebrow, "You could grow a third eye and I'd still think you were the most beautiful person in the world. I'd just have to make sure you kept the third eye closed most of the time because I'm not sure I'd be able to make out with you if it was looking at me."

"Wwe should get married more often, I lovve it wwhen you get soppy like this." Eridan says.

Sollux throws a pillow at him. Eridan ducks out of the way and crawls back onto the bed, settling with one leg either of Sollux. He's trapped. Smiling like an idiot, Sollux kisses his boyfriend lightly on the nose. In a few hours, Eridan isn't going to just be his boyfriend anymore. He's going to be his husband and he just can't believe it- they're going to get married. His stomach dips just at the thought of it.

"Wwe're goin' to be the Captors." Eridan reads his mind, "Plural. You an' I, Mr an' Mr Captor. Just like your parents..." He hums contently, "I hope wwe're as happy as they are. Last chance to back out: are you completely sure that you're ready to commit, Sol?"

"Yes." Sollux says, firmly, "Are you ready?"

"Of course I am." Eridan tells him, "I lovve you."

That's when Karkat pushes the door open. "Hey, are you guys ready to get married or what? Because Maryam says you've got to get your asses into gear if you intend to get married within in the century. Seriously, Porrim is out here and she will kick your sorry butts if the pair of you don't start getting ready."

"Tell her I can't get ready because my fiancé is sitting on me." Sollux says.

Karkat rolls his eyes.


	43. ACT FIVE: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Impromptu ping-pong tournaments. 
> 
> I don't know if Americans say ping-pong or table tennis, so both are used I think. It's the same thing. 
> 
> @ professional players, sorry I said your sport wasn't a real sport.

"Eridan... How are you coping?" Feferi knocks lightly on the door before poking her head around the door, "Today's a big day for you! For all us, really, since we're all one big family."

So far today, that's all he's heard about: how this is such a big day and such a huge step forward for everybody, especially him and Sollux. In fact, he's heard it enough times that he's beginning to wonder if he should have just gone along with Sollux's plan and got married quietly somewhere with only a few guests. Because as much as he normally enjoys blowing things into huge, beautiful events, today is just making him feel anxious. He's sweating, his head hurts, his chest hurts and he can't eat because he's scared that he'll puke. He really hopes that this isn't his anxiety making a sudden and unwanted comeback.

"I don't knoww if I wwanna go through wwith this." Eridan is sitting on the bed, trying his best to take deep breaths so that he doesn't throw up, "Wwhat if this is a terrible idea, Fef? Wwhat if I'm makin' the biggest mistake of my entire life?"

What if marrying Sollux now was a bad idea? After all, neither of them were perfect and while they fit together now, what if they fell apart in the future? What if Eridan started having panic attacks all over the place again and Sollux sank back into a depression and everything went wrong? Maybe they were rushing into this marriage. Maybe this was going to ruin everything for them. After all, Eridan didn't feel ready...

He really needed to talk to Sollux but they weren't meant to see each other from now until the ceremony. Sure, he knew Sollux would say "fuck it" to traditions like that but Eridan was a lot more concerned about silly superstitions. He really can't afford any bad luck today.

"This isn't a terribubble idea." Feferi promises him, coming inside and shutting the door behind her. Quickly, she moves to the bed and sits beside him, her hand on his back. "Why would you say somefin like that? I know you've been waiting for today for a very long time. You were so glubbing excited yesterday, you actshelly bought champagne for everybody, remember?"

"Wwell, yeah..." Eridan considers, "But I'm wworried about Sol. Fef, wwhat if he freaks out? You remember that episode of Buffy wwhere Xander leavves Anya at the altar, right? I don't wwanna be Anya."

"You're not going to be Anya." Feferi giggles, "Besides, I don't think a vengeance demon is going to trick Sollux into running away by pretending to be his future self. Plus, you're being ridiculous." She takes his hand and squeezes it tightly, "You know that freaking out before something as big as this is entirely normal, don't you? It's not weird for you to be panicking, it's okay."

"Is it wweird that I think I might puke?" Eridan asks, concerned.

"It's normal, Eridan, you're okay." Feferi says, rubbing soothing circles into his back in an attempt to calm him down, "I'd be really worried if you weren't nervous about this. The fact that you are just shows how much you care about this and how it goes. It'll be fine, I promise." She grins, "We just have to make sure we keep your dad away from the bar and everyfin will go just fine."

Eridan sighs. "I don't think Dad's comin', Fef..."

Honestly, he knew ever since that family dinner a while ago that there was no way that his dad was going to come to this wedding. Not after he was a complete ass to the Captors and it turned into a huge fight and Mituna and Eridan both cried about it. He wasn't even sure he wanted his dad to come if his dad was horrible enough to be cruel to somebody like Mituna. It really made Eridan question if how his dad treated people was really okay. Answer: no, not really. But his dad clearly didn't approve of same-sex marriage, not even his son's, and he clearly didn't approve of Sollux or his family.

Of course his dad wasn't going to come to the wedding.

She purses her lips. "Do you want him to come?"

"Yes. No. I don't knoww." Eridan massages his temples; he can feel the beginning of a headache coming on.

Feferi pulls him into a hug, pressing her face into his shoulder and shushing him gently. It's oddly reassuring but that doesn't help the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He knows, _he knows_ , realistically that there's no way his dad's coming. Why would he bother? Eridan's been nothing but a disappointment to him. If only his father hadn't set his expectations so high, maybe Eridan would have been able to reach them. Maybe if his father had listened to him while he was growing up, paid attention to him growing up... Things could have turned out differently. Eridan wouldn't be crying right now and Cronus wouldn't be a disaster.

But on the other hand, Sollux's parents are definitely coming and... As stupid as it sounds, they feel like family enough to Eridan at this point. They seem to really like him, like dads are supposed to, and he guesses that the two of them should make up for where his own father failed. Eridan has never met two nicer parents in his life. Sollux is so lucky.

Still, Eridan can't help wishing his dad was coming, despite it all. Maybe that's stupid? Sure. He is pretty stupid when it comes to getting attached to people. But he will be okay.

Eridan barely manages to stop himself from crying on Feferi, swallowing hard. When he tries to pull back, she doesn't let go and keeps gripping him tightly. Oh god, now she's crying too.

She sniffles. "Oh, Erifin."

"Are you sad-cryin' or happy-cryin'?" He asks, as she finally lets go of him and digs through the pocket of her pink bathrobe for a tissue.

Feferi blows her nose. "A little bit of both, I think."

Carefully, she reaches up and dabs at his eyes. She nearly pokes his eye out but it's a kind gesture, Eridan thinks. Then, Feferi wraps her arms back around him and leans against him, her head on his chest. She stays there. And she's warm and comfortable and feels like home. They both stay there a long time, quietly thinking to themselves. He thinks about how her hair smells very faintly of the swimming pool, breathing in the soft scent to calm himself down. Everything will be fine. Feferi said it's all going to be fine. He forces himself to exhale.

"Fef." He asks, once she's calmed down.

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you somethin' dumb?"

"You normally don't ask before you do but shoot."

"Since...." Eridan pauses, "Since my dad's not comin' an' my mom's... I'm gonna need someone to givve me awway. An' I think that you should do it." He looks at her, "After all, you're my best friend an' you'vve alwways been here for me- OOMPH!"

Feferi squeezes him tightly with a grin, "Honestly, you're so cute sometimes! That's completely adorabubble, Eri." She gets a very serious look on her face, "But you know I can't do it. I'm already your bridesmaid. And everybody knows that the bridesmaid is the most important role after the grooms."

"I never said you could be my bridesmaid. That doesn't even make any sense, I'm not even a bride." Eridan blinks. When the hell did he agree to having bridesmaids at all? Or... Groomsmaids... Or whatever the fuck they're called. He definitely didn't say that he was going to have any. No bridesmaids, no father- the aisle is beginning to sound unbearably lonely.

"Well, Shoallux said I couldn't be a groomsman because it was guys only. Please let me be the bridesmaid! Or the flower girl! Or somefin!" Feferi looks at him, hopefully, "I'll be quiet and I'll just walk behind you and not screw anything up. Maybe I'll get some flowers. I'll wear a pretty dress and a tiara and everything. I already bought a tiara. Pleeeeeeaseeeee?"

"Sure, wwhatevver. If you really wwant to be the only eight year old girl at this wweddin', that's fine." Eridan rolls his eyes, "I can't believve you wwaited until a couple of hours before the actual ceremony to talk to me about this. Anythin' else you're plannin' to spring on me?"

"I'm pregnant." Feferi laughs at his expression, "Kidding!!" She gets to her feet, "More importantly, we've got to find somebody to walk you down the aisle! Come on, we've gotta get out there and choose somebody."

She's only dressed in her shockingly pink bathrobe with half her make-up on and her hair knotted on top of her head. And he's nowhere near ready, still wearing his pyjama pants and Sollux's old Green Day shirt, and he knows that everybody else out there in their apartment will be dressed up nice. (In fact, he already caught a brief glimpse of everybody earlier and nobody came in jeans- he supposes he should celebrate). He doesn't want to make a bad impression on anyone by not being ready yet. He says as much but Feferi says he's being silly, it's just their friends out there and nobody cares what he's wearing. Then, she pushes him out the door and he follows her to the main room. Immediately, he's confronted with chaos.

True to Feferi's word, most of their friends are here and everybody is so busy that nobody bats an eyelid at them. First, they bump into Dave because he's right by the door, ironing shirts like there's no tomorrow. He nods to them, silently, before returning to trying to straighten the creases out of black button-up. Despite the occasion, he's still sporting his aviators. Honestly, the world could be fucking ending and Dave would still stop to put his shades on. In a strange way, Eridan respects him for that. That man has a commitment to looking cool.

Past him, Kankri is standing in the kitchen and looking flustered. He's been baking since this morning, somehow conquering the unpredictable oven, and the result is stacks after stacks of biscuits and cakes and pastries. Nobody asked him to do this. He's also made at least four different kinds of iced tea and there's a look of intense concentration on his face. Eridan has told him several times that they have hired caterers. Kankri didn't answer him.

"Kankri, wwha-"

"He's stressed, chief." Cronus informs him, apparently barred from the kitchen because he's lingering on the spot between the two rooms with his cellphone in his hand, "He bakes vwhen he's stressed."

Eridan approaches him. "Remind me again howw you got somebody so much better than you to date you. Seriously, your boyfriend is a _stress baker_. Howw did you get somebody that adorable? You're literal garbage."

"I don't remember." Cronus says and his boyfriend throws a chocolate chip cookie at his head, "A'ight, a'ight, I remember. I just got lucky, I guess, to meet a guy that bakes like Mom an' bottoms like a pro."

 _"Cronus!"_ Kankri sounds indignant and he's flushed a bright shade of red, "Don't talk to your younger brother about our sex lives, that's just wrong and uncomfortable. And on his wedding day too!"

"Just vwait until vwe get to the speeches aftervwards. I'wve been vwritin' an' revwritin' for months novw." Cronus winks, "Made sure to bring up all your best moments, Eri. Don't wworry, I don't mention the bedwwetting until like page fivve of the embarrassin' moments. You'vve got until then to hide under the table."

"You're the wworst." Eridan groans.

Feferi giggles. "Shush, I made shore it wasn't anyfin too bad."

"Vwell-"

"Cronus, I need you to come and help me with this." Kankri calls, cutting him off. Cronus, winking at Eridan and mouthing something that looks like _"broads"_ , slinks over to help him out.

Cronus and Kankri, the unlikely pair, are dressed up nice already. Of course they are, Kankri is already ahead of everybody and he can bully Cronus into dressing up nice easily. Standing beside each other like that, they look kind of like a poster for a Rom-Com. If anyone in this room should be getting married, it should be them. They're picture-perfect. Eridan is incredibly jealous of how nice they look as he stares down at his own crummy t-shirt. God only knows where Sol has retreated to but Eridan would bet good money he's even less ready.

"Cmon, Erifin."

Eridan steps through the divide between the kitchen and the front room, looking around. His boyfriend is nowhere to be seen but it seems like everybody else is. Meenah, who must have come with Feferi, is sat in front of the couch with her legs crossed. A girl- Vriska's sister, Aranea, Eridan remembers- is sat behind her and is carefully tying Meenah's long hair into braids. She's talking as she does so, about every important historical event that happened during August, though nobody really seems to be listening. She doesn't notice them but Meenah does, pulling a face at them and flipping Eridan off.

"'Sup, beaches."

"Hey, 'Nah." Eridan says, "Good to see you."

"Don't try and make small talk, I ain't got time for that shit and you know it." Meenah replies, before gesturing for Aranea to keep talking.

Feferi shivers.

Eridan waits until they're out of earshot before muttering. "Wwhat's up?"

"I didn't know she'd be here." Feferi replies, her eyes flicking about nervously.

"Meenah didn't come here wwith you?" Eridan supposes he shouldn't be surprised. The two sisters don't actually get along too well- but he thought they were sharing a an apartment. How would Feferi not know that Meenah was coming? He's going to inquire further but Feferi shakes her head ever so slightly, her eyes pleading to leave it alone for now. Eridan files it away in "questions to ask later" and steps around the couch.

Leaning against the side of the couch, Kurloz is applying Terezi's lipstick- a incredibly sharp red- for her, occasionally signing in frustration when she moves and it smudges. He wipes a smudge with the edge of his thumb, trying to get it perfect. Terezi laughs and it smudges further across her cheek. Kurloz swears. He looks great dressed up like that and of course, Terezi looks stunning. With her hair neatly pinned back like that, she looks much less scruffy than she does usually. Eridan steps over them, which prompts Terezi to poke him in the leg and cackle, and he comes across the rest of the group:

Karkat is playing on the Playstation with an apathetic Rose, looking furious that she's kicking his ass with ease. Rose stifles a yawn, her delicate fingers working the buttons of the controller faster than light, and glances at Eridan with a half-smile. But there's warmth in her look. Kanaya has some sewing on her lap and is working on it with a smile, occasionally glancing up to smile at Rose. Porrim is flicking through a magazine. It's hard to tell whether she was intending to dress up or down because whilst her dress is very nice, Eridan can see a lot of her chest. The look she gives him when she catches him staring blankly at her chest could kill a man.

"Jeez, I ain't lookin' at you like you think." Eridan scoffs.

Porrim rolls her eyes. "I know. I'm just practicing for later." When he raises an eyebrow, she explains. "Eridan, it's an open bar. Everybody is going to be gawking after a drink or two. I'm simply practicing the look I'm going to be directing at horny men. Like your brother."

He chuckles. "Sounds like somethin' Cro wwould do."

Feferi pulls a face. "He's monogamous now, Eri."

Everybody else must be meeting them at the actual wedding venue later, which is lucky because otherwise, Mituna and Terezi would have ended up in the same room. And that would have lead to more than one awkward conversation. Instead, there's a content sort of warmth to having all of these people sitting around. Eridan feels like his wedding is in good hands and now, he's sure he can do it. He can do this. Of course he can. One look at the crowded apartment fills him with determination.

He plops himself down onto the couch, which only Kanaya has opted to sit on for some reason, with everybody else scattered on any available surface. He sits beside her, exchanges a brief smile, before surveying the room and wondering who he's going to choose. To give him away, that is. He always wanted it to be his father... But he supposes that it makes more sense to pick somebody significant in his life anyway, somebody that deserves to walk him down the aisle. And if Fef wouldn't do it, he'd have to find somebody just as good. And somebody that wasn't busy with something or another.

"Eridan." Porrim cuts through his thoughts, "You aren't planning to go to your wedding dressed like that, are you? I was sure the invitation said "formal wear" not "lazy casual"."

She gives his outfit a scathing look, like she'd like nothing better than to set it on fire. He pretends to pout, his fingers rubbing at the hem of his shirt. So, it was a pretty old and pretty worn-out shirt. But it was Sollux's. It smelt like him. And that was comforting.

"That's pretty similar to what Crabkri said to me!" Feferi says, brightly, placing herself on Eridan's lap; he slings an arm around her, "You guys have got to work on some new material."

"I'm not ready yet, Por." Deep breath, "I don't think my dad's comin'."

"Having seen how upset you were the last time you saw him, I'd say that's a good thing." Karkat says, as he's defeated yet again and throws down his controller, "On the other hand, I'd love to see a angry, classist homophobe attend the same-sex wedding of his son and a poor kid just for the pure irony of it."

"Did somebody say irony?" comes Dave's voice from behind the ironing board, (how has nobody made an _irony-board_ pun yet?). He's still standing there, despite the fact that he seems to have ironed everything out. The shirts are hanging over the edge of the ironing board but he hovers there anyway, by the kitchen door.

Eridan raises an eyebrow.

Karkat turns to Eridan, a serious look on his face.

"Would you be okay if your dad did show up?" Karkat says, "Because... After that infamous dinner of shitty mistakes, there's no way he'll come to this thing. You must know that. You'd have to be pretty stupid to think your father could get past that particular evening. This is Donovan Ampora we're talking about here. AKA the king of unforgiving assholes, who sits on a throne made from the bones of those he's ripped apart because they displeased him."

"Karcrab, you can't say that!" Feferi hisses at him, even though they can all blatantly hear her, "You have to have faith! Besides, Mr Ampora's not that bad.... Well, uh, the throne bit wasn't true at least. He hasn't got a throne. Yet. The other bits weren't completely untrue."

"I'm just being realistic, Peixes." Karkat says, turning to Eridan, "So?"

"I don't think I wwant him there anywway." Eridan sighs, "He'd just ruin evverythin'. But..."

"But?" Terezi prompts, leaning around the sofa arm to join the conversation, curiously.

"Erifin wants somebody to give him away." Feferi explains, quickly, "And he wanted his dad to do it but he'll probubbly have to find somebody else. Any volunteers?" She looks over the room hopefully and when nobody leaps up, she bites her lower lip. "Karkat? Terezi?"

Karkat shrugs. "You know I already agreed to be best man for Sollux. And Terezi gets to bear the rings, though God knows why, because she's a filthy cheater-"

"Hey, nobody is allowed to bring any unnecessary drama up today!" Feferi orders, pointing at Karkat and then at Terezi, "For today, you guys have to play nice. For your friends' sake if nothing else. This is their big day and you don't need to drag your petty fight into this."

"I didn't say anything." Terezi shrugs, "Don't point the finger at me."

"How can you even tell she's pointing at you?" Kanaya sounds amused, dropping her sewing into her lap so she can easier observe the conversation, "If I'm not mistaken, you're blind. How did you make such an accurate observation without using your eyes?"

"I just know. My magical girl powers can sense it." Terezi grins.

"That's highly illogical." Rose comments, "But amusing nonetheless."

Feferi giggles. "You're so weird sometimes, Terezi."

Kankri clears his throat, standing in the doorway with what looks like another bowl of cookie dough tucked under his arm. He only draws the attention of Eridan and Feferi, who both turn to look at him curiously. There's a smudge of flour on his nose and his cheek. He doesn't say anything but he looks pointedly at Eridan, who eases Feferi off his lap and onto the couch, before getting to his feet. Promising he'll be back, he traipses into the kitchen to speak to Kankri.

"Stir this." Kankri orders, thrusting the bowl at him, "And listen to my proposed idea: I know that I'm in no way a relative- not even distantly- but I couldn't help overhearing your discussion and I'd like to say that I'd be interested in giving you away, Eridan. That is, if you aren't entirely opposed to the idea. You and I have a good bond, I believe. I know that I was your therapist but honestly, Eridan, we aren't separated like that anymore. We're friends now. You made me your friend and I owe you for that. If it wasn't for you, I'd be at home right now, alone. And to repay you, I'd like to be the one to give you away at the wedding. If you would like, of course."

Eridan opens his mouth. Closes it again. He's speechless.

"Kan, that's so swee-"

Cronus cuts him off, waving a wooden spoon at him. "Vwoah, vwoah, vwoah, vwho said you got to giwve him avway, Kanny? Didn't anybody consider that I might vwanna do it?"

"Wwhy do you care, Cro?" Eridan wonders.

"You're my only brother, dumbass." Cronus elbows him in the ribs, nearly knocking him over, "You think I don't vwanna be the one to do it? I'm your family, Dan. Vwe'wve been best of brothers since forewver, right?"

"Yeah, I guess... But... I..." Eridan looks back and forth between the two of them.

He likes both men equally; how is he supposed to choose between them?

Of course, Cronus is his older brother, so it really should be him, because he's the closest blood relative. After his mother and his father, Cronus is the next of kin. But Eridan never expected his brother to be interested in giving him away- it was true that they were reasonably close, not incredibly close, but Eridan thought Cronus would think the whole wedding was dumb. But having Cronus at his side would be the closest thing to having his father and Eridan likes the idea of that, of having his brother there. To have his brother looking after him.

But on the other hand, Kankri had been so sweet when he made his offer and Eridan didn't want to upset him. He didn't want to be the reason for Kankri sulking in a corner for the rest of the day- they were friends, after all. Friends. He supposes in a way that Kankri was one of his first real friends and he owes him for that, amongst other things. He owes him for Kankri taking care of everything around here for months now, sometimes taking too much care. And while he isn't related to Kankri, they are close. They share a kind of bond- they're similar in a lot of ways.

"I have an idea!" Terezi stands up, looking excited, yelling from across the room, "I have the best idea. How about you two have some kind of competition to see who gets to give Eridan away?" She looks genuinely excited, "A game or something and the winner gets to do it? After all, games and court cases are the only true way to decide anything!"

Eridan doesn't bother to ask how she heard that from across the room.

Kanaya bites her lower lip. "We don't really have time for something as extensive as that. In fact, we have merely an hour or two to prepare ourselves and nobody's ready-"

"But what kind of competition to do?" Feferi ponders, already on board with the idea.

"We have a ping-pong table at our place." Rose suggests, "It was Dave's but I got it when he moved out. Now, Kanaya and I just keep it in our garage and occasionally watch Roxy try to play whilst intoxicated. However, if you would like to use it for the competition, I wouldn't object. I think it would be entertaining to watch."

"You never told me you owned a ping-pong table." Karkat frowns at his boyfriend.

Dave shrugs. "You never asked."

"Under what circumstances would I ask if you ever owned a ping-pong table that now belonged to your sister?"

"I don't know, that's why I never got to tell you." Dave shrugs again.

"You shoulda given that to me, Strider, I coulda made some sweet cash." Meenah pitches in.

"It sounds perfect!" Terezi claps her hands together, "We'll all go and watch, right?"

"Some of us have to make sure that the wedding runs smoothly and we haven't got much time to get everything into place." Porrim says, "I suggest that Kurloz and Aranea go on ahead to start preparing the venue. Damara, Meenah, and I can stay here to make sure of any other details. Like getting the grooms to the wedding. And Eridan will come back straight after this malarkey to get ready or face the consequences." There's a deadly expression on her face, "Right, Eridan?"

"Right."

"I should probably stay and fix my hair." Feferi sighs, sitting down at the kitchen table and reaching for a hairbrush laying amongst the mound of crap there, "But you guys have fun. Dave, make sure that you turn that iron off before you go so that the kitchen doesn't go up in flames. Again. I'm not even sure how you managed to set the kitchen on the fire the first time around."

"Did everybody know about that incident except me?" Kankri wonders.

It's only as the rest of them are heading out the door that Eridan turns to Karkat.

"Wwhen did Damara get here?" He asks, looking around to see if he can spot her. Damara isn't anywhere. He doesn't recall seeing her slip inside and there's nowhere she could be hiding, unless he simply missed her because she was in the bathroom.

"Oh, she got here an hour or two ago. She's been helping Sollux get ready." Karkat shrugs, "Even though I'm the best man. Then again, if I was a decent one, I'd be staying here instead of going to see a stupid game. But honestly, watching Kankri try to play a sport is too funny."

Damara is the one looking after Sollux? Since when did those two spend any time together? The only thing they seem to have in common is Aradia- surely Terezi or Karkat would be a better choice to help Sollux get ready. Weird.

Eridan shuts the door behind them on their way out. "I didn't evven knoww Damara wwas here..."

They all- well, not all, but most of them- pile into the back of Kankri's Mom van. Eridan ends up with Terezi on his lap and Rose's elbow lodged in his rib. He has to hold the blind girl tightly so that she doesn't go flying through the windshield. She talks avidly the whole time.

Rose and Kanaya share a nice house on the edge of town, just far enough that the traffic thins out significantly by the time they get there, which Eridan can't help but be jealous of. The two girls have considerably more room that everybody in their apartment has altogether and somehow, that doesn't seem fair. Then again, he supposes that Rose and Kanaya probably make a considerable sum of money between them. They probably have good jobs and don't spend their money on stupid things.

True to Rose's word, there's a table in their garage, which she whips the dust sheet off and folds neatly. The table hasn't been used in a while but it'll work well enough.

Uncertainly, Kankri picks up one of the table tennis... They're called paddles, right? Fuck if Eridan knows. "I've never played this game before. Is it easy?"

"I don't understand why it's considered a sport at all, it's so painfully easy to win." Terezi says, "I'm blind and I've won quite a few games. Either that or people have been lying to me about how good I am."

"You'll be great, Kanny, you're great at everythin'." Cronus assures him.

"No, I'm great at academia." Kankri corrects.

"In high school, he always got picked last for every single sports team." Karkat says, "In everything from track to arm wrestling."

"You don't pick teams in arm wrestling." Rose points out.

"And yet, Kankri still got picked last."

"Don't be a bitch, Karkat." Terezi says.

Karkat just glowers at her, a million responses obviously burning in his mind.

Eridan clears his throat. "Shall wwe get started?"


	44. ACT FIVE: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I need to stop pale-shipping tbh

"You look very handsome, yes?" Damara tells him, as she brushes a comb through Sollux's hair, (much to his reluctance), "Your husband will like this a lot I think. He is saying how pretty you look all the time. In a suit, you make him do anything you want. You getting laid tonight." 

"Uh, thanks for the advice, DM." Sollux says, still finding it odd that having his braces removed seemed to finally shake his lisp. Of course, upon realising this afterwards, he had yelled all the 's' words he could think of. Now, he just found it strange that he didn't lisp his words anymore. He had no idea if he was glad or not- it felt a little like he'd lost part of himself. 

"You are welcome." Damara tells him, pulling particularly hard on his hair and causing him to curse loudly; she tuts, "Bad language. You are bad, Captor boy. You are bad influence." 

"Fuck that, I'm a great influence." Sollux scowls, "The reason everybody's gathered in this apartment is because of me. I brought our entire group together."

"I think you take credit for the pretty boy's work." She is, obviously, referring to Eridan. No matter how many times Sollux told him that Eridan was called... Well, uh, Eridan- she refused to refer to him as that. Now, he's just given up. Pretty Boy it is. 

"What do you mean?"

"Well..." Damara considers, standing back to admire her work, "If Pretty Boy did not talk to you, none of this happen. He'd be lonely, you rotting alone in apartment, me probably dead by now. But he made everybody come together. And now, we all friends. I think." She puts her hands on her hips and shakes her head, "There still some people that no get along. But we fix it." 

"You mean like how you don't get along with everybody else?" Sollux suggests, "Because I think that's just because you make a bad impression sometimes." 

"Yes." Damara dips her head in a nod, "I think that because I bad person and your friends good people. Good people and bad people no mix." 

"No, that's not true." Sollux sighs, "It's more like... You can be a little scary sometimes. But we'll work on that and you'll be great friends with everybody in no time. After all, these people like me and I used to be a lot worse than you." 

"You're an ass." Damara agrees. 

"Yeah." Sollux chuckles, "But I used to be all over the place. I feel like I'm finally getting somewhere though. I mean, look how many people showed up today. And that's just our close friends- oh, and Meenah and her girlfriend. But they're only here because they had to drop Feferi off, I think." He wrinkles his nose, "I don't know why they didn't bring Vriska too." 

"I no like Meenah." Damara says, coldly, "I hate her." 

"Yeah, no, I get it. She's kind of weird... But she's kind of my friend, I guess? Or at least, we don't hate each other. She stuck up for me a few times when I was in the psychiatric ward and we got along sort of well." Sollux says, "It's hard to believe that she's related to Feferi though. They're just so... Different." 

"I hate her." Damara repeats, "I stay away from her." 

"Okay..." Sollux steps back and looks down at himself. If he does say so himself, he does look pretty good in a suit and he's glad that he managed to find a red and blue patterned tie. It really brings out the colours in his eyes. Also- don't tell Eridan- he's wearing a t-shirt underneath his fancy shirt for the after party. He's planning to unbutton his fancy shirt and play smart casual at the party. That's what Terezi said she was going to do and said he should too. She's wearing jeans and sneakers underneath her dress apparently with a shirt shoved into her bag. It's unlikely it will go unnoticed. 

"You look good." Damara tells him, "When Pretty Boy sees you, his clothes fall off like _poof!_ " She snaps her fingers, "I just hope I there to see the look on his face when it happens. I'd like to take picture." 

Sollux laughs. That's been happening a lot more lately. 

"As the hottest people here, I think it's our responsibility to go and flaunt it in front of everybody else." Sollux says, "Your girlfriend will be all over you."

"My what?" Damara blinks. 

"Your girlfriend... Latula?" Sollux frowns, "She's your girlfriend, right? You talk about her all the time, I assumed that you two were dating." 

"It's nothing like that." Damara shrugs, "I'm sure she just flirt with me to get over her boyfriend and Kurloz. And Kurloz with Terezi. And Terezi being Latula's sister. It is a vicious circle." She chuckles, "I need a smoke." 

"If we turn on the shower to create steam, Kankri won't be able to figure out that we smoked in here." Sollux says, "I know it sounds like bullshit but honestly, it works." And he gets up, turns the shower onto the hottest setting, and slumps down beside the bath. 

"Good enough for me." 

Damara pulls a pack from between her breasts and lights a cigarette. She hands it to him before sliding another one between her teeth, lighting it with shaky hands. It's evident that she's either nervous or suffering withdrawal. Either way, it's not good. She inhales steadily and breaths out those perfect little circles they always show in movies. 

"Wow." Sollux says, "You must smoke a lot." 

Damara gives him a bored look. "My sister dead, my mother ignoring me, I work on street corners at night and I haven't been with decent man or woman in years. Cheers!" It's blatantly sarcastic.

"I really think you should see if Latula's interested in going on a date with you." Sollux prompts, "I think you'd both really enjoy it." 

"Because we lonely and looking for somebody?" Damara muses, nodding, "But she think I am a hooker, probably, and try to pay for me. It happen before when I try to hit on people. They slip money in my pocket. What if Latula no different from the rest?"

"Trust me, I have known Latula for a long time." Sollux says, "She's a great girl. Clever, sweet, funny, good at video games. Maybe you should try taking her to the arcade and then out for a milkshake afterwards. She's sorta into retro stuff like that. And if she likes you back, maybe you can go out again." 

"Maybe." Damara looks doubtful, "What if she hates me?"

"Why would she hate you?" 

"A lot of people hate me. Hell, even I hate me and I am me." Damara stares at the glowing tip of her cigarette, "Latula might too." 

"She won't hate you." Probably, Sollux adds silently. 

There's a long silence before Damara says. "We had sex once." 

Sollux splutters, wheezing. "We did?!" 

"Not you and me, stupid. Me and Latula. In high school." Damara sighs, "When she saw my dick, she didn't say anything. She just carried on with what she was doing: pulling my clothes off desperately and-" 

"I don't need to know the details." Sollux says, quickly, since he doesn't want to know what comes after that. 

"She was good." Damara tells him. 

He pretends to retch in disgust. 

There's a knock on the door. "Brother? Sister?" 

"Door is open, Kurloz." Damara tells him. 

The mime pushes open the door and stares briefly at the sight of the two of them sat on the floor, sucking on their cigarettes, before he closes the door behind him and joins them on the floor. Wordlessly, Damara hands him the pack and her lighter, with a pointed expression. One that says _tell Kankri and I'll kick your ass_. 

"You two were in here for a while." Kurloz says, "I came to see if you'd killed somebody and were trying to dispose of the evidence. And I was going to tell you that bodies don't flush. Not even if you do it a bit at a time." 

"That is most I have heard you say ever." Damara comments, "Mime Boy not usually talking very much. Brevity your friend." 

"How come you know the word "brevity" but you don't know that you need the word "is" in that sentence?" Sollux wonders. 

"Fuck you, this language stupid." Damara flips him the bird. He guesses he deserved that. She takes another drag on her cigarette before adding. "How many languages you speak?" 

"I think I know some Klingon from when I was younger." Sollux says.

Kurloz chuckles. 

Damara leans forward so that she past Sollux can look at him. "So, how are things going with you and your boyfriend? And you and your girlfriend?" 

Kurloz rolls his eyes. "Terezi... Isn't my girlfriend. She's more like a friend... With benefits. I don't know, sister, it's sort of a romantic thing without the boring parts. We don't hold hands or go on a date or anything. We hang out and drink beer and-" 

"Ravage each other?" Damara suggests, "That's a fuckbuddy."

"No." Kurloz presses his fingers to his temples, "I love her platonically. She's my..."

"Sidekick?" Sollux suggests. 

"Whore?" Damara says. 

Sollux kicks her in the shin and she swears, giving him a look so fierce that he regrets every single decision he's ever made in seconds. She's a very scary woman in heels that could slit a man's throat and he shouldn't have messed with her. Rufioh flashes through his mind and he shudders. Sollux shuffles closer to Kurloz. 

"What, so I can't say whore?" Damara raises an eyebrow.

"Just because Terezi slept with somebody doesn't make her a whore." Sollux says, "More importantly, Kurloz, you are in a platonic sexual relationship with a lesbian and a romantic sexual relationship with a brain-damaged man. Now, what are you going to do?"

"Tell Mituna, brother." Kurloz shrugs, "What else is there to do? I don't think he'll mind, once I explain that me and Terezi are very different to me and him." 

"Good luck with that." Damara stubs her cigarette out on the tile floor and tosses it into the trash can under the sink, "Speaking from experience, it probably won't go well. You probably get over with so it hurts less when he hates you forever." 

"Thanks for the advice." Kurloz says. 

Damara gets to her feet, adjusts the hem of her dress so that it covers her underwear, and offers them a wave before leaving. She shuts the door behind her and they listen to the sound of her heels clicking into the distance. 

Then, Kurloz turns to Sollux. "We shouldn't be smoking on your wedding day." 

"Nah." Sollux agrees, putting the thing out and throwing it in the trash along with Damara's. 

"Kankri will know you smoked in here when he takes out the trash." Kurloz points out. 

"The wedding will be over by then and I'll be on my honeymoon." Sollux shrugs, "And long-distance calls to Korea are probably stupidly expensive. Kankri won't dare do anything other than post an angry rant on his blog." 

"Are you looking forward to Korea?" Kurloz keeps the cigarette between his teeth and gets up, pulling Sollux up after him, "It's where your birth father came from after all, right? Are you excited? Because I'm concerned it may lead to you questioning your identity." 

"Nah, I'm still 'Merican through and through." Sollux assures him, turning off the shower and opening the window to let the mix of steam and smoke out into the city, "But Eridan's super excited to go. He said something about cute K-Pop bands?" 

"I look forward to seeing the photos and pity you for having to watch a _Shinee_ concert." 

"It worries me that you know the name of an actual K-Pop band." 

"That's the only thing about me that worries you?" Kurloz chuckles, "You were right, there is something wrong with you, brother." 

Sollux swats him on the arm. It seems good moods are contagious because Kurloz doesn't look as miserable and tired as he usually does. He really does look a little better for the time he's spending with Terezi. Sollux is about to swing open the door when his therapist catches him by the elbow and pulls him back.

"You should know that me and Terezi agreed that if tonight went well, we wouldn't tell our partners about our... Affair? That we had." Kurloz says, "I said I wouldn't tell Mituna. But I think I might have to eventually. But... I'll wait until it's a good time. In the meantime, I hope you won't bring it up in front of him. Or in front of Nepeta." 

"I won't." Sollux promises, "But I can't speak for Karkat." 

Kurloz nods. "I'll see you around." 

He shuts the door behind him on his way out and leaves Sollux to stand on his own. He takes a couple of minutes to stare blankly at himself in the mirror, seeing past himself and thinking about the day ahead. Because- wow- marriage is a pretty huge step. Maybe he's blowing this out of proportion but he's pretty sure that he's signing up to be with Eridan for life. And he's ready to do that, he knows he is, but that doesn't make him feel less anxious. He's been trying to play it cool all day but anxiety has been clawing at him from the inside, squeezing his chest tight so that he can't breathe. This, hopefully, is normal.

Stupid as it is, Sollux is extremely worried that he's going to fuck something up. He could fuck up his vows, he could have a meltdown mid-ceremony, he could get so scared that he doesn't even turn up to the wedding. The way things are going, he might spend the rest of the day hiding in the bathroom so he doesn't have to face Eridan. Because Eridan cannot know how terrified he is because Eridan would worry about him. Sollux doesn't want him to worry. 

He slipped into the bathroom this morning to shower and then, he didn't leave. He stayed, turning everybody away at the door and insisting he was fine. He was getting ready. He would be ready in time for the wedding. Eventually, Damara came knocking. Only she didn't knock, she just forced the door open and brought his suit in with her. And she insisted that she help him get ready. He asked why and what she said stuck with him:

_"My sister die before marry. You like little brother to me. I help you marry."_

Damara and Sollux might not have a lot in common but a significant event in both of their lives has tied them together in ways he couldn't even imagine. Nobody else understands what it was like to lose Aradia. He can't lose Eridan too. That's why he bucked up, put the suit on, and that's why he pushes open the door of the bathroom, going to see what everyone else is doing. 

The front room is mysteriously empty, except for the girls sitting around the kitchen table. Kurloz must have slipped away already. Porrim is studying some plans- probably wedding ones- and mumbling to herself about them. Meenah and Damara are filing their respective nails at opposite ends of the table, occasionally glancing up to scowl at each other. Feferi is teasing her hair with a pair of straighteners and eating leftover mac 'n cheese out of the serving dish with a spoon. How she is doing both at once is a complete mystery to Sollux. She smiles widely at him, the fear in her eyes softening. 

"Ah, Sollux." Porrim looks up, "You look delightful." 

"Aww, Solcap's a cutie." Meenah teases, "Lookatcha, gettin' married and shit." 

"I helped him." Damara says, her words sharp. 

"And you did a very good job, Miss Megido." Porrim nods to her. 

"Tryin' to add another to your harem?" Meenah raises an eyebrow, "You sure like your variety." 

They all ignore that comment but Damara's face turns a furious red, like a volcano about to explode and kill everybody in the room. Her arms fold firmly across her chest. 

"Where is everybody else?" Sollux asks, looking around the room, "Have they left without us?"

"Not as exciting." Feferi says, "Krabkri and Cronus are playing ping-pong to see who gets to walk Eri down the aisle this afternoon." Sollux has heard weirder stories. "Aranea and Kurloz are setting up the venue in time for us getting there." She smiles, "You might want to text Erifin and tell him you're okay. He'll be worrying." 

"Yeah, maybe." Sollux says, "So KK's not here?"

"He's with the others at Rose's home." Porrim says, "As is Terezi. Am I right in thinking that they were supposed to be escorting you to the venue? Because if you want, I can contact Karkat and tell him to come back." 

"That won't be necessary." Damara's tone clips, "We walk. Me and Sollux walk to wedding. We get going now so we not be late." She stands and her rust-coloured skirt swishes around her thighs, the sound of fabric brushing against skin, "Goodbye now." 

She walks quickly, arms swinging jerkily at her sides, and Sollux is so surprised that he only manages to match her pace when she's halfway down the stairs out of the building. He follows the sound of her heels on the stairs, keeping his eyes down as he tries to catch his breath again, and when she ushers him out of the door, he comes to a stop in front of her. And he raises an eyebrow at her and Damara sighs dramatically, as if he's being difficult. Her hands shake at her sides- definitely withdrawals. 

"What the fuck was that?" Sollux demands. 

"You ready, I ready, we go." Damara says, firmly, "I no hang around girls like that." 

"What do you mean?" Sollux isn't wisest when it comes to girls.

"Meenah hate me. Aranea hate me. Porrim hate me." Damara states simply, crossing her arms, "Porrim pretends she not but I know she does." 

"You assume that everybody hates you, DM." Sollux says, "And not everybody does." 

"They hate me." Damara insists, her voice wobbling mid-sentence, and Sollux doesn't know what he's supposed to say. He thinks Damara, despite her confidence, might have the lowest self esteem of anybody he's ever met. She seems to _loathe_ herself. And Sollux looks at her, frowning, and he catches a glimpse of himself. Mood swings, depression, self-hatred, loneliness, self-isolation... Damara is exactly how he used to be. She must have never gotten over Aradia, never come to terms with being mentally ill. And Sollux thinks about the fact that Megidos all die young and he's filled with a sudden urge to do something. It's like seeing somebody teetering on the edge of a building and not knowing what he should say. 

"DM..." She must see the expression on his face because she pulls away quickly before he can meet her eyes. She refuses to look at him, keeping her eyes down, and her brows furrow. _Damara_. 

"Don't try help me." She says, "I no need help. I already speaking to Kurloz sometimes and he tells me things. But I not need protecting. Not from world, not from myself. Okay? Don't try help." 

What, so he's just supposed to stand by and watch her self-destruct from the inside? He's just meant to watch the bomb explode without attempting to disarm it. Swallowing, Sollux wonders if he really was like this. All those months... Did Eridan just watch and not know what to do? He feels guilty suddenly. He'd been pissed that Eridan didn't understand, miserable that he felt cut off from him somehow, and this must be how Damara feels. How she feels everyday. 

And he knows, suddenly, that he can't fix this. 

"I... As long as you keep talking to Kurloz, I won't interfere." Sollux says.

"Thanks." 

They walk for a while longer in frosty silence, cold enough that the hot sun overhead seems to freeze over. It's like rushing headfirst into winter. Sollux can't help glancing at Damara, curiously, unsurely, in concern. He's never felt real... Pity like this before. Real, genuine pity. And as they're turning the corner, he can't help but step in front of her to block her path. She freezes up, her body turning into a statue of a girl. Before she can say anything, Sollux wraps his arms around her neck and pulls her in. She's so thin, so sharp, her shoulder blades jutting out. Damara Megido is all points and corners, like hugging an icicle. 

At first, she splutters. But slowly, as he doesn't let go, she melts into him. 

"I want things be different." Damara's words are disjointed as ever, "Different from now." 

"You'll pull your shit together." Sollux tells her, trying to ignore her hair tickling his face. 

"I hope so." Her laughs rattles her body, "There is something in meaning to tell you long time now." She escapes his arms and steps back, staring at him, "I, uh, I never got to tell you. But when you jump bridge, long time ago now, I got call from Pretty Boy. When I hear that you try to kill yourself, it make me feel bad. My fault, I think. A little bit. You nearly went same way Aradia go and I think neither of you get... Support, you know? I know you hurting but I never reach out to either of you. I should helped you." 

"It's not your-" 

"Aradia my fault. You kinda my fault. When you come home with her, I see hurting on the inside of both you. You like me, like her, but you different. You get better. Worse then better. I think if Aradia lived she get better too, like you did. But she gone now. You understand?" 

"Not really?" 

"I should have helped you. I couldn't help Aradia but I could have helped you. I always feel bad that I no reach out to you when you younger." Damara shrugs, stepping around him to keep walking, "That why I'm glad you get better. I just wish I help more." 

Sollux follows. "I understand, I guess. I don't think you could have got any sense into my stupid head. I was dumb when I was younger... But now, I think it's my time to help you out. I never got to help Aradia either but I think you and I can help each other. Now that she's gone. We should spend more time together."

"Yes, I think I like that idea. We get coffee sometime." Damara nods, "Is that place?" 

"Yeah." Sollux is surprised that they got here so fast. 

The wedding venue is nice; a registration office on one floor and an entire floor they booked out for the afterparty just a few above. Sollux takes the elevator because there's no way in hell that he's going to walk up and down the stairs all day. On the seventh floor- ugh, odd numbers- he bumps nearly directly into Aranea Serket, who's carrying flowers. She smiles a sharp smile of a spider about to devour her prey before stepping past him into the elevator. Then, he actually does bump into Karkat, who swears loudly at him. 

"Where the fuck have you been, Captor?" He demands. 

"Where have _I_ been?" Sollux raises an eyebrow, "What kind of best man disappears to watch a ping-pong tournament and forget about the guy they're supposed to be helping out? When the hell did you get here?" 

"Oh, yeah, that thing." Karkat rolls his eyes, "Excuse me if I thought it was important to make sure Eridan didn't cry about having nobody to walk him down the aisle. Anyway, I got here fifteen whole fucking minutes ago because I made them drop me off here before everybody else went back to the apartment. And what the fuck, Sollux, I thought you were already going to be here. I was tearing my hair out waiting for you and you just roll in nonchalant as shit like it means nothing." 

"Jeez, calm down. You're acting like it's your wedding day or something." 

"Maybe your wedding day is just as important to me as my own! You're my best friend, dipshit."

"A real best friend wouldn't have abandoned me at the apartment." Sollux huffs. 

"Don't be such a fucking baby, Captor." Karkat sighs, "Now, how are you doing?" 

"What do you mean?" 

Karkat adjusts Sollux's tie for him, straightening it out. "Are you worried?" 

"Kind of, I guess?" Sollux shrugs. 

"Well, pull it together. This is the start of your new life." Karkat steps back and looks him up and down, "You don't look like shit, I'll give you that." 

"I'll take that as a compliment." Sollux snorts. 

"How incredibly optimistic of you." Karkat says, sarcastically, "Let's go and run over those vows one more time to make sure that you don't fuck them up. And see what we can do about the smell of nicotine on you."


	45. ACT FIVE: Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of the shortest but most important chapters?? 
> 
> (Sollux is secretly weepy as hell but he'll never admit it)

Everything happens in a blur. 

Eridan swears that he can hear nothing but static in his ears as Porrim walks him inside, one arm pressed against his back to keep him moving. She's talking, no doubt trying to calm him down, but it doesn't work. He's bubbling over inside with a mix of excitement and nerves and it must show on the outside. He can't help fidgeting with his rings as he walks, smiling at the engagement ring. It sticks out from the other's. Sollux gave him this ring. 

He's passed from Porrim to a pissed Karkat like a parcel, even though he keeps insisting that he's meant to be with Feferi. Maybe he says this a few too many times because Karkat forces him to sit down and take deep breaths, slapping him on the back until Eridan chokes. That's when he realises that he hasn't been sucking in air properly for a good ten minutes and he begins to gasp like a fish above water. Karkat calms him down, telling him that Sollux is a hot mess too, somewhere around here, and Eridan nods. Once he's deemed to be calm enough, Karkat gets up and says something about looking for Feferi. 

Eridan doesn't bother telling him that she hasn't even left the apartment yet- the last thing he wants is for Karkat to completely flip his lid right before the wedding- and let's him go. And then, Karkat's words flashing through his mind, he goes searching for Sollux. Because, screw tradition, Eridan has to see him. 

People like the Vantases, they understand. Kankri understands more than anybody else what it is to have your anxiety clawing its way out of you and Karkat seems freakishly good at soothing people with his angry voice. But Sollux... Sollux is different. He gets it. He gets Eridan, maybe better than anybody else ever has, and that's why he's the one that Eridan needs to find. Unfortunately, Eridan has no idea how to go about that. So, he just heads down a corridor that looks like all the others and peeks in doors in search of Sollux. He gets a little lost but he squishes his nerves back down, telling himself it will be fine. Eventually, he comes across Damara Megido of all people and he grabs onto her like she's his life force and asks her if she can take him to Sollux. 

"Sure thing, Pretty Boy." Damara shakes her wrists free of his grip and folds her arms, gesturing for him to follow her, "You look scared. You scared? Of course, you are. But listen, this not big deal you making out to be. You say fancy words, kiss boyfriend, and spend life together. You lucky. I wish I have that. You marry him for the rest of us that can't marry anyone, yes?" 

"Yes." Eridan nods, not quite understanding and completely understanding at the same time. 

She takes him to Sollux, who is hiding out in the stairwell; the furtherest corner of the building. 

And Sollux, beautiful as he is, looks happier than Eridan has ever seen him. He turns to Eridan as the door opens and their eyes meet for one, two, three seconds, before Sollux's grin stretches from ear to ear. Eridan can't say for the life of him which one of them it is that moves forward but within the next few seconds, they're hugging. Sollux's arms are wrapped tightly around him, so maybe he's more nervous than he's letting on, and he can't help smiling into his boyfriend's shoulder. His husband's shoulder. Excitement squeezes his insides. 

"Oh my god." Sollux sounds breathless, "Holy shit." 

"Holy shit." Eridan agrees, kissing him on the cheek, "Howw are you, bee?"

"I just wanna get this over with. Is that bad?" 

"Nah, I wwanna be married right noww." Eridan tells him, "Wwe shoulda printed the papers off the Internet an' done it at home, you wwere right. I'm not sure I can stand up in front of all those people. I might freak out." 

Sollux releases his grip a little so he can look him in the eyes. They bump foreheads. 

"Pretend it's just you and me, ED. You and me, like it used to be." 

"I'm not sure I can ignore Kar an' Fef, they're bein' kinda in-your-face." 

"Ugh, tell me about it." Sollux's eyes are so pretty this close, "KK's been on my back all day because he thinks I'm gonna screw up my vows. Jeez, he's even got me worried about it. What if I forget what I'm meant to say?" 

"Then I'll remind you, dumbass. Wwe're a team, remember?" Eridan smirks at him, "Wwell, I mean, I'm still the team leader but you're definitely second in command." 

Sollux scoffs. "Fuck you." 

"You _like_ being player too because of your weird two fetish." 

"It's not a fetish, I don't jerk off to numbers, ED. Everybody has a lucky number." 

"I don't." 

"Yours can be eleven." Sollux tells him, "You're welcome." 

"Shovve your elevven up your ass." Eridan replies and they both laugh. 

"You're dumb." 

"You're ridiculous." 

Sollux's hands are pressed up against the wall and they're making out furiously, like a pair of teenagers kissing for the first time. Eridan's hands trail down Sollux's sides, admiring the sight of his boyfriend in a suit, and he kisses him hard. His eyes fall closed and he's lost, a million miles away and only aware of Sollux pressed up against him. He has no idea how much time has passed but suddenly, he's being pulled by the arm and Feferi is leading him away. He catches sight of Karkat scolding Sollux in the stairway and pulls a face. Sollux pulls one back at him and mouths something that could have been "I love you" before he disappears from sight. 

Exasperated, Feferi tells him that she's been looking for him since forever and that he shouldn't have just disappeared like that. She talks as fast as she walks, leading him to the elevator and slamming her hand on the button. Before the elevator can drop, Cronus slips in with them, ("'ey chief, vwhat's up?"), and Kankri follows, patting Eridan on the shoulder fondly. 

Kankri starts talking and Eridan stops listening again, making sure to nod at the right times. 

The next hour- is it really that long? It feels much shorter than that- definitely rushes by as Feferi drags him around by the arm and introduces him to every guest. It's fruitless because he knows nearly everybody, though he does get to meet Nepeta at last. He's probably the last person to meet her but he shakes her hand anyway and tells her she looks pretty. There are a few siblings, cousins, that he doesn't recognise but greets as if he did. But no matter how much he peers through the crowd, craning his neck, he can't catch sight of his dad. He really isn't coming, is he? Somehow, Eridan feels disappointed even though he already knew deep down that his father wouldn't be coming. 

He knows they're getting closer to the actual wedding when he's released from Feferi's grip and Kankri's arm slips through his instead. Eridan knows that Kankri is far from comfortable with human contact but when he tells him he can let go, Kankri insists. 

"But you don't like touchin', I knoww that." Eridan argues, pulling his arm free, "I'm not gonna make you feel uncomfortable, no matter howw proper it is, Kan." 

Kankri shakes his head. "You completely misunderstand my intentions, Eridan. Whilst I will admit that intimacy isn't one of my key strengths, I am perfectly fine remaining close with people that I, uh, love. In a platonic sense, you understand?" 

"Kan, are you tellin' me that you're comfortable bein' intimate with me?" Eridan raises an eyebrow suggestively, "Is this a formal objection? It's not too late for us to run awway an' start a life together in the forest." 

"I-" 

"Kiddin', Kan." Eridan reassures him, looping his arm back through his, "If you're really comfortable wwith this... I ain't gonna object." 

Kankri nods. "Eridan... If I may make an observation?" 

"Shoot." 

"You look happy." Kankri tells him with a hint of a smile, "And I'm glad." 

"Thanks, Kan." 

"Alright, buoys, let's do this!" Feferi turns to them, clapping her hands, before she pushes the door open. It's not a traditional wedding- it has its differences- but Feferi leads the way down the "aisle" regardless. She's wearing some poofy dress that makes her look like a meringue with lilac flowers threaded carefully through her thick curls. Eridan chooses to stare at her hair for the majority of the walk, all too aware of the eyes bearing into him. 

"I advise you actually look at your fiancé." Kankri mutters. 

Eridan peers past Feferi and his eyes catch onto a pair of mismatched ones. 

Sollux grins at him and offers a thumbs-up. Jeez, what a dork. Eridan tries not to roll his eyes in case anybody's taking pictures. 

The walk feels like it takes forever but eventually, Kankri slips his arm free and his hands are taken by Sollux. He's warm, anxious, and he squeezes Eridan's hands tightly. Eridan smiles at him and he knows he can do this. This is the best day of his life. And the excitement bubbles up inside him again, devouring any remaining anxiety. He squeezes Sollux's hands back. 

And neither of them fuck up their vows! 

Even though Sollux stumbles on his words once or twice because he's trying not to cry- he's going to deny it later, obviously, but Eridan can study him closely enough to see tears forming. What a sap. Sollux also has a "shit, shit, which finger am I meant to put the ring on?" moment but Eridan just laughs quietly and guides his fingers. 

Eridan stutters obviously on his v's and w's and he thanks god that his father wasn't here to hear that because he would have disowned him all over again. Before he can even register what's happening, he's pushing a ring onto Sollux's finger and they're kissing in front of everybody and that's it. They're married. And he's on cloud motherfucking nine. 

Sollux pulls him in close. "I love you." 

"You're cryin', you dwweeb." Eridan wipes his tears away for him, "But I lovve you too." 

"Is there any rule against kissing again?" And Sollux's lips are pressed against his again. His touch is familiar and he tastes like home- real home. 

Eridan is hit by an overwhelming feeling that this is where he's supposed to be. 

Everybody moves upstairs to the reception. The Captors- Mituna, Paul, Noah- are the first to catch up to them with Mituna grabbing Eridan's arm before they've even got to the elevator. There's a wide grin on his face and his hair has been held back by yellow clips. The sight of Mituna's entire face is a bit of a shock in itself, especially with the bad scarring around his eyes, but Eridan smiles at him. 

"We're brotherth now!" Mituna tells him, "Me and Eridan are brotherth! We're brotherth, Tholluxth, me and Eridan!" And he hugs Eridan tightly for half a moment before pulling back and running to the elevator, "Race you, Tholluxth!" 

Sollux chases him after him without any further prompting. 

Eridan sighs. "I'vve married an actual twwelvve year old." 

Paul chuckles and slaps him on the back. "Welcome to the family, Eridan." 

"Thanks, I- oomph!" Eridan gets pulled into a hug before he can say anything else, trapped between his fathers-in-law, "Thanks." He pauses, wondering if he should say what's on his mind, "I'm really glad you guys are here." 

"Your father didn't turn up." Noah notes, gently, "I'm sorry." 

"It's... Okay, I guess." Eridan shrugs, breaking free of their grip, "Wwe should get goin'. There's goin' to be dinner an' a party an' it's gonna be great." 

"You and Tholluxth are gonna f-" 

Sollux pushes his brother lightly. "Shut up, Tuna."


	46. ACT FIVE: Part Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I kinda proofread this?? I scanned it real quick. It might suck. This is your warning, heh.

"You look nice." Nepeta offers, acting as if she doesn't know how to sit comfortably in a chair, "Um, I like what mew've done with your hair. It's purretty." 

"Thanks." Terezi says, excitedly, "I wanted to make a good second impression I guess." 

"You did." Nepeta nods, her dark curls bouncing, "Though you were nevfur one to care about looks, really. Remember how your mom wouldn't let you leave the house in your superhero costume?" 

"Ugh, ruined my life." Terezi looks whimsical, "She never let me wear the mask because she said people would think I was in a gang. But I just wanted to be a warrior for justice or something." She shrugs, "I think she just wanted to keep me out of trouble." 

"It didn't wwork, then?" Eridan comments, taking a sip of his wine. 

"Purrezi was always a magnet for trouble." There's a glint in Nepeta's eye, "It was something I always admired about her. She always went on such adventures." 

Terezi clears her throat. "I may have exaggerated a little." 

"Oh." Nepeta looks a little disappointed. Like somebody told her Santa Claus doesn't exist. 

"Only some of the minor details!" Terezi corrects herself quickly. 

Dave looks amused, leaning in. "You mean, you weren't really a caped crusader keeping crime of the streets of the big city? Damn it, Terezi, and I was so sure that you were the prop upholding justice around here." 

"I am a lady of the law, I uphold justice every day in court. And I'll uphold your ass the next time you get yourself into any legal trouble, Strider." Terezi raises a glass to him, teasing, and takes a long sip of it. 

"You can uphold my ass whenever you want." Dave winks. 

Karkat kicks him under the table and he swears under his breath, grinning. 

Sollux can't help laughing. This is the way things are supposed to be. 

The seven of them (Terezi, Nepeta, Dave, Karkat, Eridan, Sollux, with Feferi third-wheeling it) are sat at one of the many circular tables that has been set up in the main room. The tables are covered with white cloths and covered with purple confetti- Terezi dumped it on Sollux the moment he arrived and he's spent the whole of dinner picking it out of his hair. There's pizza, much to Sollux's delight, instead of some dumb fancy food. And the speeches didn't take too long, even if Kankri did drag his out for about three years and Feferi got all weepy talking about her childhood friendship with Eridan. 

The rest of the guests are sitting at similar tables and presumably having similar conversations. Though, Sollux is sure that their table is the only one that debated the (apparently) many different places in the body that confetti can get stuck in- Dave had some truly horrifying stories about where he's stuck the stuff over the years and Karkat turned very red in the face. So far, the peace is just about being kept, though it's taken some work. Terezi did slap Karkat in the face with a piece of pepperoni pizza but he didn't dare retort under Feferi's glare. 

"Shoallux." Speaking of the fish girl, she taps him on the arm, "You've got to at least smile on your big day, you silly guppy!" 

She pushes at the corners of his lips, turning them up, until he laughs and breaks away. 

Feferi studies him carefully. "Do you remember the day we met?" 

"Like it was yesterday." Sollux says. He may have forgotten a lot of things that occurred prior to Aradia's death but he's hardly forgotten anything since. He could never forget about the day he met Feferi anyway because that's the same day that he nearly killed himself in Aradia's stupid van, only to save himself at the last minute. That was a low day. But a turning point, perhaps. 

"You looked so unhappy." She reminds him, "You looked like you were dying inside." 

It's such a morbid sentiment from Feferi. He swears he sees Aradia in her for a second. 

"Jeez, is now the time?" 

Feferi shrugs and her smile returns. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm glad you're so much happier now than you were then. And that you make Erifin so happy." She takes his hand and squeezes it tightly, "I still worry about you, Shoallux." 

"You do?" Sollux is surprised. He's fine. Isn't he? 

"Yeah." Feferi continues, "I guess it's dumb. But I was there every time you got hurt and watching you self-destruct from the inside was... Really diffishcult." She looks down, "And I guess I pretended to be okay because I didn't want to upset anybody. But I was really scared that you actshelly were going to krill yourshelf. And that fear hasn't gone away." 

"I haven't jumped off anymore bridges, FF." Sollux leans forward and carefully smears away the tear dripping from her left eye; her face has turned flushed and bright, like she's going to cry, "You don't have to worry anymore." 

"I just care about you." Feferi sniffs, "That's all I wanted to say. I guess I care too much about too many people and it's little tricky sometimes." She smiles, "It's just such an em _ocean_ nal day for all of us. Sorry. I didn't mean to freak out on you." 

Sollux stares at her. Something's not right. "Are you okay, FF?" 

"I'm getting betta." Feferi assures him, "Just having some family probubbleums." 

Oh. That's not what he was expecting. He glances across the room at where Meenah is laughing obnoxiously with her girlfriend and notices that Feferi follows her gaze. She seems to spot Meenah and fold her arms across her chest. There's obviously some tension there. 

"You can always talk to me. I'll try and understand." Sollux tells her. 

Feferi hugs him tightly, whispering her thanks in his ear, before excusing herself from table and heading in the direction of the bathroom. 

"Wwhat's up wwith Fef?" Eridan asks, as soon as the door has swung shut behind her. He moves in, lowering his voice and speaking with the kind of urgency people only use when they're talking about somebody they really care about. His eyes are filled with seriousness. 

"She's just having some problems with Meenah." Sollux hisses back, "But I don't think she wants to talk about yet, so don't tell anybody." 

Eridan mimes zipping his lips. "You're such a great guy." 

"I'm your great guy. You're welcome. You get all of this." Sollux gestures to himself. 

"Great, I get your pathetic ass all to myself." Eridan teases. 

"Fuck you." Sollux elbows him, grinning. 

"Fuck yourself." Eridan elbows him back. 

"What are you lovebirds whispering about?" Terezi demands, loudly. 

"What they're going to do to each other later." Dave supplies, sending a wave of laughter around the table. He's been talking a lot more lately, Sollux notes. Opening up a little, he guesses, since Dave always seemed like a quieter guy before. Definitely not because he was shy... Maybe some other reason? Sollux doesn't know. 

"The yaoi. The _yaoi_." Nepeta rubs her hands together schemingly. 

Terezi laughs harder than she should and that's how Sollux knows that she really likes this girl. 

Halfway through dinner, people begin switching seats. 

It starts when Damara comes wobbling over in her high heels to offer her congratulations and Terezi leaps out of her chair so that she has somewhere to sit. Instead, Terezi says that she should go find her sister and Nepeta stands to go with her. Damara watches them leave and clicks her tongue, making an obscene and much too graphic gesture at them. 

"Gross, Damara." Eridan pulls a face. 

"Oh, shush, Pretty Boy." Damara pats his head, "The two of them fuck tonight, I know it." 

Karkat chokes on his drink and Dave smacks him on the back. 

"Have you ever heard of something called fucking "boundaries"?" Karkat demands, once he's managed to catch his breath again, "You might want to go look for some because yours have apparently gone missing." 

"Eh." Damara shrugs and mutters something under her breath that Sollux doesn't catch. 

"Good to see you again, Damara." Sollux says, to bring the conversation back around. 

"I knew you go through with it." Damara nods, knowingly, "I knew you no chicken out." She turns to Eridan, "He was being pussy before. He tougher now. Might be harder to get in pants now he got backbone, huh?" 

Eridan smirks. Sollux facepalms. 

"It's nothfin to be ashamed of Shoallux." Feferi returns to her seat at last, her make-up perfect and not a trace of sadness on her face, "Everybody gets pre-wedding jitters. You should have seen Erifin-" 

"Yes, yes, I wwas nervvous, just forget about it already." Eridan turns pink, "It's not like I had a panic attack or anythin'?" 

Sollux manages to meet his eyes and there's something burning there that looks like shame. Wait... Shit. He really did have a panic attack, didn't he? Sollux takes his hand and tries to smile reassuringly like "don't worry, I nearly had a breakdown too but I'm so glad we're married now". He's worried that he doesn't get the message across terribly well because Eridan just frowns like he doesn't understand. Sollux shrugs and decides they'll talk later. 

Everybody comes over in turn to talk to them. 

As soon as Damara goes to take a smoke, Kurloz drops into her empty seat and smacks Sollux lightly on the arm. He tells him that he's proud of him and that they make a great couple, all the other bullshit they've already heard. Then, his voice drops to a whisper and he says that he's really glad that he was able to get over Aradia finally. That they were all able to get over Aradia. 

Mituna is excited about Eridan being his new brother still. He leaps on him, letting go of Kurloz's arm for a full minute, in his eagerness and tells him about all the video games they're going to play together. Eventually, Kurloz has to pull him away. 

Kankri is bubbling with words, talking endlessly, while Cronus just punched his brother on the arm and tells him he's lame for getting married before he even reached thirty. And then, he does the same to Sollux and tells him he's a good kid. Tells him to quit smoking while he can. Kankri looks proud that his boyfriend actually had some good advice. 

Sollux's parents are embarrassing but isn't that always the way with parents? 

After that, all the guests seem to blur into a mess of different faces with similar messages. The only face that surprises Sollux is Vriska, though he guesses that he did invite her. Only because he thought she'd be coming with Terezi anyway. She's at Meenah's side, the two of them wearing matching braids, with Aranea looking bored. 

The Maryams are the last to speak to them with Porrim talking more about some of the hideous outfits that she's spotted- and the fact that Sollux has unbuttoned his shirt to show his t-shirt underneath and that Terezi has returned to sporting crocs. Kanaya tells him he could have at least coordinated his shoes to match. Rose looks amused. 

After dinner, there's a party.

Sollux hadn't wanted a party but Eridan had insisted that they had to have one because that was just conventional. Parties meant dancing and as the married couple, the two of them had to take the first dance. 

Nervously, Sollux lets his husband (his _husband_ ) lead him to the dancefloor and wrap his arms around him. And as they start to dance, Eridan leans in to kiss him quickly. Only it's not so brief. 

Eridan can't stop kissing him, even while they're dancing their slow dance and Sollux keeps stepping on his feet and making him laugh. He's probably not doing this right. If he was doing this right, he wouldn't keep tripping Eridan up. He decides to play it cool and act like he's not fucking this up. 

"This is meant to be romantic." Eridan splutters with laughter, finally, trying to look at him seriously and falling. 

Sollux gives him an innocent look. "I have no idea what you're talking about. This is very romantic indeed. It's not like I'm fucking this entire thing up like a complete dumbass." 

"Maybe wwe should'vve practiced our dance a couple more times before today." Eridan grins, (and he looks so fucking smug), "Because, an' I'm not goin' to sugarcoat this: you suck balls, Captor." 

"Shut up, Captor." Sollux replies, "I can't see my feet because I'm too busy staring at your stupid face. And when I can't see my feet, I can't control where they're going. However, if you continue to be a dumbass, they might accidentally go near your crotch." 

"You're such an asshole." Eridan says, "But you called me Captor, so I'll let it slide." 

"And you're a dork but I'm completely, stupidly in love with you, so I'll let that slide too." 

"Howw kind of you." Eridan rolls his eyes and goes back to kissing him. 

Sollux is very aware of people watching them but he kisses him back and tries not to feel self-conscious about dancing like an idiot. 

Dave and Karkat are the first couple to decide to make them look worse than they already do. 

"Howw do they do that?" Eridan whispers in awe, as their friends glide past effortlessly and gracefully, "They're meant to be nerds too, wwhy are they so much better at this?" 

"They've been together since high school or something, they probably went to prom together." Sollux shrugs, "Prom is where everybody gets their first dance." 

"This is your first proper dance?" Eridan looks surprised. 

"I guess." Sollux shrugs. He's not sure he even went to prom or homecoming or any of the other school events that most people reminisce about. And if he did, he bailed before he did any dancing. He has vague memories of spending what was supposed to be his prom night with Aradia at a diner in the next town over. It's a nice memory and he's surprised that it suddenly resurfaced. A reminder that there were good times too. 

"No wwonder you suck." 

Sollux stamps on his foot and grins. "You suck too." 

"Yeah, yeah, you both suck." Terezi is spinning Nepeta close by and she pulls a face at them, "If you know what I mean." 

Nepeta giggles. "They both suck each other." 

"How old are you guys?" Sollux huffs.

Eridan rolls his eyes. "So immature." 

As soon as they're out of earshot, Sollux hisses. "I was going to make that joke." 

"Me too." Eridan admits. 

Sollux gets better at the dancing, though he does better when they switch to a more upbeat song and he's just responsible for spinning Eridan around and around until they get dizzy. Still, he retires as soon as he's allowed- he really isn't much of a dancer- and lets Feferi borrow Eridan for a dance gratefully. He retreats to his seat at the table and takes a long drink of wine. He doesn't drink wine a lot but judging by the look Rose shoots him, he wasn't supposed to knock it back like that. Who drinks wine with pizza anyway? 

He studies the couples on the dancefloor: Kankri is pressed right up against Cronus, more making out than actually dancing. Mituna has both his arms and legs wrapped right around Kurloz, letting him do all the work, gazing at him like he's never seen another human before. Feferi is leaping up and down with Eridan, smiling widely. Dave and Karkat, still making everybody else look like amateurs, look a million miles away. Spaced out, completely, in their own world. 

"Yo, Solcap!" Latula takes the seat beside him, "Did you see Leijon and Peixes are both here? Man, talk about a throwback. Also, up top on the whole marriage thing, bro!" She high fives him and nearly breaks his hand, "Anyway, you see how Megido was staring at me?" 

"I think she likes you." Sollux says. 

"Bullshit, dude. She's only interested in what people have got in their pants and she's already got into mine like five times before." Latula shrugs and changes the subject quickly, "Did you know that Meulin Leijon was going to be here?" 

"No?" Sollux isn't sure he knows who that is. 

"Kurloz's ex. Though, I think they made it up." Latula sounds certain, "I saw 'em hugging it up after the service. Kinda adorable, huh?" 

"I guess?" Sollux frowns, "So, you and Damara dated?" 

"God, no. My sister's been trying to set me up with her for months." Latula laughs, "I don't swing that way, dude, you know that. I've never been into chicks." 

"But you said-" 

"Everybody has a phase in high school, right?" Latula looks uncertain, "And in college. Maybe a little after college. But chicks can check out other chicks without it meaning anything. I mean, Terezi had a straight phase with Kurloz, right? This is the same." 

"Terezi didn't like him, she was lonely." Sollux clarifies, "And I think you're suffering from some internalised homophobia. If you like Damara, you should just go talk to her." 

Latula holds up a finger. "First of all, I never said I liked her, Solcap. I just said we got it on a few times in high school. Trust me, Damara was the town bicycle back then. It meant nothing." She puts up another finger, "Second, I ain't homophobic. I'm at a gay wedding, dude." And another, "Third, I really gotta talk to my sis sometime." 

"Whatever." Sollux shrugs, "I was just saying that you seem scared to like a girl. And Damara's my friend, Latula, you can't just call her a slut like that. There's nothing wrong with-"

Somebody clears their throat and Sollux looks up to see Damara standing there, smoothing out her skirt with her hands. She opens her mouth like there's something she wants to say, before quickly closing it again, and holding out her hand. Latula takes it unsurely and is pulled to her feet.

"You lonely, I lonely, we dance." Damara explains.

For the first time ever, Latula seems speechless as she's lead away. 

It's a good night and a fun party- well, as fun as parties can be when you don't really like them- but eventually, Sollux has to excuse himself to get some air. It has absolutely nothing to do with Terezi deciding to break in the karaoke machine five seconds before. Well. Maybe. Either way, there's a fire escape with stairs that lead up to the rooftop and of course, he's going to take advantage of that. The roof is empty and quiet, despite the music drifting up from the party downstairs, and Sollux enjoys the view of the city. He tries to spot their apartment in the mess of buildings clumped together but fails. 

He really wishes he'd brought some cigarettes up here, for aesthetic reasons if nothing else, but he decides to sit up on the roof anyway. Near enough the edge that he can see the street stretching out below but near enough for him to plummet to his death. 

The sound of footsteps nearly scares the shit out of him because being murdered on his wedding night would really suck. Luckily, it's just Feferi and she smiles widely at him, joining him at the edge of the roof. 

"I'm fine." Sollux says, before she can ask, "I just suck at parties." 

"You haven't tried to beat the carp outta Karcrab with a chair yet, so I'd consider today a success." Feferi laughs and he does too. He can laugh at these things now, no matter how uneasy he still feels about them. 

"I guess." Sollux stares at the street, which looks about a million miles away, "What are you doing out here? You love parties, you love people- this is exactly your kinda thing, isn't it? You freaky social butterfly."

Feferi giggles. "I do love parties. And weddings. Any opportunity to wear a pretty dress." 

"You look beautiful." Sollux tells her. 

"You're too sweet, Shoallux." 

"So..." He pauses, wondering if she'll get upset, "Why are you up here?" 

"I just needed to escape for a while." Feferi hugs her knees to her chest, causing the bracelets hanging off her wrists and ankles to jingle like wind-chimes, "You get that, right? I mean, you of all people must know what it's like to feel trapped." 

Sollux nods. They sit in silence for a while. 

"I know you tell Eri everyfin." Feferi says, eventually, "But I'm going to tell you somefin that you have to swear you won't tell. Because I know he'll just freak out aboat it and get himshelf into troububble." 

Sollux nods again. 

"I haven't been living at home for a long time now." Feferi explains, "My sister moved into my apartment and took over. It's like she crept into every single space without me even noticing she was doing it. She's manipulative like that." 

She takes a deep breath before continuing. "She's trading illeelgally, shelling things that she's stolen round the back of the building, and I'm still paying the rent for her. And I'm living in a hotel a few blocks from here." 

"Holy shit." Sollux breathes. 

"I didn't really want to bother anybody aboat it." Feferi admits, "With all the wedding drama and the whole Terezi situation, I didn't want to make things anymore diffishcult. But I'm figuring things out. Looking into buying a new apartment." 

"You've gotta kick Meenah out." Sollux tells her, firmly.

"Aggressive isn't really my style." Feferi shrugs, "I'd rather just buy a new apartment and make sure she stays happy." 

"At least make her pay her own fucking rent, FF." Sollux frowns, "Is this why you've been upset? Wait... How long has Meenah been using you?" 

"Ever since we were reely little, I guess." Feferi looks at her feet, "She always said that sisters gotta look out for each other. Almost ever since she got out of the ward, I've been looking after her. I felt like it was my duty to." 

"It's not." Sollux promises, "C'mere." 

She shuffles closer to him and he wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her in close. He's not sure he's had many "real" conversations with Feferi, alone, with nobody between them but this doesn't feel like the worst time to start. He tells her that they'll figure something out and she presses her face into his shoulder, settling against him, and they stay like that for a while. The sound of more footsteps on the fire escape startles them both and they both rush to sit up properly. 

It's just Terezi and Nepeta, both of them giggling, obviously looking for a good spot to make out or something. Nepeta elbows her date, whispers something, and they both giggle harder. 

"We should go back to the party." Feferi decides and Sollux agrees. 

Terezi is drunk so Sollux carries her back to the party, propping her up in one of the chairs, before going in search of Eridan. He finds him talking to Karkat and sneaks up on him from behind, sliding his arms around his waist. Eridan squeaks, before realising that it's just him and relaxing into his grip.

"Do you guys have a fucking room? Because I think you should get one." Karkat says, in his usual "disgusted that you're being gooey in front of me" way, "On a side note, where the shit have you been, Captor? You disappeared off the face of the goddamn earth and you're meant to be spending time with your husband." 

"Shut up, KK." Sollux says, "I needed a moment." 

"Shit, is something wrong?" Karkat looks suddenly concerned, "You didn't have a panic attack or anything, right?"

"Jeez, I'm fine. I just don't like parties." 

"Wwe can get outta here, if you wwant." Eridan looks at him, "Wwe don't havve to hang around until the end of the party. There's no shame in bailin' early."

"I can stay." Sollux assures him, "Just... Wanna hang out together?" 

"Sure thing, Sol. Let's get a table."


	47. ACT FIVE: Part Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timeskip? Timeskip. 
> 
> I wrote this on vacation after a double panic attack (one on Friday night and one on Wednesday morning) because I like pushing my feelings onto fictional characters. 
> 
> Also, double/triple upload today! (Depending on how fast I can proofread) 
> 
> Have a nice day!

"Son." 

"Dad?" Eridan frowns down at the number he doesn't recognise and decides his father must be calling from work. But... It's can't be work time over there, what's he doing at work? He shakes it off, surprised that his dad is calling him at all. He thought they were on bad terms. 

He looks up and realises that Sollux is frowning at him, his forehead creased in confusion. He mouths something like "what's going on?" and Eridan simply shrugs at him. He wasn't expecting a long-distance call from his dad like this. 

"Hello, Eridan." His father's voice is loud and booming even over the phone. 

"Uh... Hi." Eridan says, unsurely, "Can I help you wwith somethin'?" And he decides to tack on for good measure, "Sir." 

"Sir?" Sollux mouths at him, raising an eyebrow. Eridan waves him away. 

"I was just looking for that wedding invitation you sent me. I seem to have misplaced it somewhere." He pauses, "Is the wedding on the twelfth or the twenty-second?"

Eridan almost drops the phone. 

"Eridan? Are you still there?" There a silence. "It's rude to hang up on your father, you know. You're always saying I never call you but-"

"The wweddin' wwas last wweek." Eridan says, his voice barely above a whisper. 

"Speak up, boy. You're impossible to understand with your mumbling and your stuttering." 

"It wwas last wweek!" Eridan repeats, louder, "I'm on my honeymoon, Dad." 

"... Oh." 

"You'd knoww that if you bothered to evver givve a shit about me." Eridan swears he can feel the anger rising up inside him, "I wwaited for you, Dad. I really wwanted you to come." 

"Eridan-" 

"Bye, Dad." Eridan hangs up. 

He shoves his phone as deep into his pocket as he can and clenches his hands into fists, taking several deep breaths before managing to regain his composure a little. 

"Maybe you should have let him explain-" 

"Sol~" Eridan looks at him, feeling a little exasperated, "I don't wwant this to ruin our trip. So, can wwe not just talk about it? I'll call him back later." He takes Sollux's hand, "You ready to go back to the hotel?" 

Sollux nods. "Sure." 

This is their fifth day away from home and Eridan has to admit that he hasn't been feeling as anxious as he thought he would. He didn't even feel panicked on the plane over, though he did cry a little at the airport when his brother hugged him goodbye. He tried and failed to play that one cool. But he hasn't been feeling anxious at all until that phone call, which causes his anxiety to spike suddenly. He doesn't even make it back to their hotel room, his legs shaking, and he has to take a break in the lobby. He collapses on the floor, barely noticing the weird looks he's receiving, as he hunches over himself and tries to stop the room blurring. 

His dad... He was going to come? That's what fucks Eridan up the most, he thinks, the idea that his dad might have been there after all if he hadn't lost the invitation. But the thing that pisses him off is that he lost the invitation and didn't call sooner. That means that the wedding was probably at the bottom of his priorities- or he would have called sooner. He clearly didn't care too much about showing up if he only thought to ask now. 

"ED, what's going on?" Sollux insists, kneeling down beside him.

Eridan shakes his head. He just needs a moment. Then, he'll be fine. 

"I feel like I'm gonna puke." He admits, "Or die. Or both." 

Sollux looks concerned. 

After a little thought, Sollux says he has an idea and somehow manages to pull Eridan to his feet. He keeps his eyes firmly down as they walk through the lobby and swears under his breath when other people squeeze into the elevator with them. If there's one thing he's learnt about Korea, it's crowded and there are people everywhere. This hotel is no exception. For the last few days, he's been studying everybody curiously but now, he keeps his eyes cast down. Like they'll be able to see right through him. 

Sollux's warm hands pressed into his lower back guide him back to the room and onto the bed, where he sits and stares at his shoes. They're new. And pretty. Soon enough, Sollux is climbing onto the bed with his laptop pulled towards them. The video chat is dialling. 

The slightly blurred call comes into focus on Kankri's face. He looks exhausted, presumably sat at the coffee table, with Cronus passed out on the couch behind him. 

"Is this important, Sollux?" Kankri asks, "It's incredibly early in the morning here." 

It is? 

"Kan." Eridan waves feebly, "Sorry to bother you. You can go back to bed if you wwant." 

"What's going on?" Kankri frowns, adjusting the laptop screen carefully, "Eridan, you look bothered about something. Sollux, can you please give us a moment?" Sollux shrugs and shuffles away, switching the TV on, "Thank you, Sollux. Now, what's bothering you?" 

"Dad." Eridan inhales, sharply. 

"You've been thinking about your father?" Kankri coaxes. 

"He called."

"At this time of night?" Kankri frowns, thinking hard, "That doesn't sound promising. That sounds slightly troubling to me. May I inquire as to what the phonecall was about?" 

Eridan explains, hating the feeling of heat under his skin. Sollux gets him a cup of cold water and rejoins him on the bed, stroking the small of his back gently. It occurs to Eridan that things are almost always vice versa, with him taking care of Sollux and him being worried about Sollux and it's nice that it's the other way around. 

"Well... It sounds to me like something must have been troubling your father, which provoked him to make this call to you at..." Kankri checks his watch, "Around one in the morning here. If I were you, Eridan, I'd try and call him back. Did he say anything about bothering you so late?" 

"It's midday here." Eridan reminds him. 

"I'm aware of that." Kankri states, "But your father did not know you were on your honeymoon, correct? So, as far as he was concerned, both of you were still living in our apartment. Which means he called you thinking it was the middle of the night where you were and didn't think to apologise for bothering you?" 

"Dad doesn't 'pologise for anythin'." Eridan pulls his knees up to his chest, resting his head on them, "You sayin' that somethin' might be wwrong wwith him?" He doesn't want either of them to see his expression, "Kan, that's a bold claim." 

"I think it's a fair analysis." Kankri says; he pauses, before adding in his 'professional' tone, "Eridan, I'd appreciate it if you would look at me." 

"I don't wwant to." Eridan says, firmly.

_"Eridan."_ Kankri insists, sharply. 

"Don't tell me wwhat to do." Eridan murmurs into his knees. 

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do, Eridan, I'm simply advising you to try and look at me. It bothers me that you can't make eye contact with me. Can you try and explain to me how the situation with your father makes you feel?" 

"Goddamnit, Kan, you're not my fuckin' therapist anymore. I don't need therapy anymore." Eridan shakes his head, hugging his knees tighter, "There's nothin' fuckin' wwrong wwith me anymore." 

He isn't sure when he started yelling but his voice is definitely too loud all of a sudden and he can feel his words ringing in his ears. Sollux pulls him closer, his sharp shoulder pressing into Eridan, and shushes him gently as he can. Eridan isn't sure why he's so bothered by this stupid phone call in the first place. Maybe it's because he was so sure that he had let go of his father and his anxiety and both had come rushing back in full force at once. 

The room suddenly feels far away, distant. Eridan can't even feel his face pressing into his knees anymore. 

"We'll call you back, KK." Sollux is saying, as he clicks away from the call. 

Then, a pair of skinny arms wrap their way around Eridan and don't let go until he remembers how to breathe and stops feeling so light headed. As soon as the room comes back into focus, his eyes fill up with tears and he suddenly remembers how difficult this all was. How difficult it was to feel so pathetic all the time and be ashamed of how pathetic he was. And how he tried to hide it but everybody could see through him so well, could see his shame buried underneath, that he gave up on even trying. And he cries into Sollux's shoulder for a good portion of the afternoon, on and off, while Sollux sits with him and tries to calm him down. 

Sollux isn't the greatest at comforting but bless him, he tries his hardest. 

"D'n't look at me." Eridan sniffles, feeling disgusting as he wipes his nose on his sleeve, "I'm a loser." 

"You're my loser." Sollux holds up his wedding ring, "Forever." 

"Ugh." Eridan feels like he's dragging him down, "I'm sorry." 

"I can't imagine anybody I'd rather spend forever with. Well... There are some video game characters but I learnt a long time ago that if you form an attachment to them, people find it creepy." 

Eridan sniffs. "Yeah." 

"You're not meant to agree." Sollux chuckles. 

Eventually, Eridan manages to stop covering Sollux in tears and snot and everything disgusting and just settles for leaning against his shoulder. He can almost hear his father calling him a wimp in the back of his mind. He pushes it away and gets up to grab Sollux a clean shirt, which he slips on gratefully. To credit him, Sollux didn't complain the whole time Eridan was whimpering into his shoulder. 

"What are you thinking?" Sollux is studying him. 

"I'm sorry I'm so pathetic." Eridan shrugs, thinking how stupid it sounds out loud. 

"S'fine, we can be pathetic together." Sollux shrugs back at him, "You forget that I'm the king of pathetic. But anyway, I don't think you should talk about yourself like that. Like you're some kind of loser. Because I don't think you are. And I know you inside out." 

Eridan huffs. "You're just saying that." 

"No, I'm not." Sollux replies, blankly, "It's true." 

"Sol..." 

"Come back here." Sollux opens his arms, "You wanna stay here the rest of the day?"

Eridan nods. 

The next day, Sollux doesn't bring up the phone call but he is sweeter than usual, rousing Eridan by pressing kisses to his shoulder. Sollux flicks through his guidebook briefly while Eridan gets dressed and decides where they're going to spend the day. Initially, Eridan is worried that this means they're going to another one of those video gaming places that Sollux has fallen in love with over the week. 

Instead, Sollux takes him on the subway to _Myeon-dong_ , (Eridan is probably pronouncing that wrong). It's one of the main shopping districts out here and Eridan falls in love with this country all over again. He doesn't think they're ever going back home. 

"Fef wwould lovve this place." He says. They usually go shopping together, since Sollux is always reluctant to go within ten feet of a department store. 

Sollux nudges him. "Get your camera out then." 

"Right. Pictures." Eridan dips his hand into his bag and fishes out his camera. He's been trying his best to document their trip as well as he can so that their friends back home can see all the neat places they've been. He's planning to stick a lot of them in frames and balance them on the shelf with the other photos. 

"Sol, stay still for a sec." Eridan holds up his camera and snaps a picture of his unsuspecting boyfriend, (he's so pretty when he isn't scowling). 

Sollux turns and pulls a hideous face at him. 

Eridan steals another picture. "An' that's goin' on our Christmas cards." 

"ED~" Sollux complains, dragging out the two syllables. 

"Oh, shush. Take a picture wwith me an' wwe can send it home to evverybody." 

Eridan tries his best to pick up a souvenir for everybody they know but it's been getting harder to afford things since he's refused to take any of his father's money again. Between his and Sollux's job, they're scraping by but it's not even close to the amount of money they're used to having. Thinking of this just leads Eridan back around to thinking of his father and his heart thumps hard inside his chest. 

It suddenly feels like breathing is a labour. 

"You've gone really pale." Sollux says, "You aren't gonna puke, right?"

Eridan shakes his head and takes a breath. "I'm just fuckin' peachy, Sol." 

"Is this about-" 

"I said, I'm fine!" Eridan swears smoke puffs out of his nose like a pissy dragon, "Can we take a break?" 

Sollux mutters something about sending an email and starts tapping away on his phone, his other hand tucked in Eridan's. His ring glints in the light, sending a wave of calm through Eridan. He decides to focus on how pretty the gold band looks on Sollux's ring finger. 

When they get back to the hotel in the evening, Eridan is too tired to even care about sex or showering or TV and just kicks off his shoes and pants and crawls straight into bed. He forgot how exhausting having anxiety was. 

Sollux doesn't even force him out of bed to clean his teeth. 

"Sol, do ya think I'm a freak?" Eridan asks, when the light has been switched off and the only light drifts under the curtains.

"No." Sollux mumbles into his pillow, "I think you're Eridan." 

"Wwhat's that supposed to mean?" Eridan demands. 

"You're very... You. A little different but not in a bad way." Sollux doesn't explain any further, "And I love you." 

"Thanks." Eridan says, feeling stupid for needing reassurance. 

Wordlessly, Sollux wraps his arms around him and presses against him. He's warm. 

The next day, they sleep in late and Eridan wakes up bathed in sunlight with Sollux lazing on top of him. Today was the day that they were planning to drive out of the city and explore the countryside a little. They don't do that. They spend the day lazing around and wandering the city, making up mini scavenger hunts with lists of things they have to spot. They're both fiercely competitive but in the end, there's no argument that Sollux won. They get noodles. 

It's late that night, basically morning, that they receive a call from Kankri. 

He explains quickly that they've been to visit Eridan's father and he seemed very flustered about work, nearly passing out over dinner. Apparently, he's really sorry about missing the wedding but he's been so busy with work and he's been in and out of hospital recently. One of his old war wounds acting up again and giving him bother. 

Eridan says he'll call his father and he does immediately. 

"Son." His dad says and he sounds so happy to hear from him.


	48. [S] : MOVE INTO NEW APARTMENT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feferi, Dave, and Karkat move in together! 
> 
> (And other not-so-good things...) 
> 
> TW: eating disorders are mentioned... Could be triggering, depends on who you are, I guess. Body dysphoria mentioned.

It's the height of summer and Terezi is lazing on the couch in her shorts and shirt that's tight across her chest, licking a popsicle in an effort to keep cool. Despite the fact that she's sitting right in the way, nobody has been able to convince her to move. Instead, everybody is carefully unpacking furniture around her. It looks like the couch is going to have to stay in that same spot by the wall for the rest of its life. 

"Purrezi, aren't you going to help?" Nepeta asks, curiously, as she unboxes an entire collection of what look like cuttlefish toys. They're all bright shades of pink, blue, green, or yellow and she gets to work placing them around the room on every available surface. She can't imagine anybody having enough room for all these stuffed toys. 

"Feferi said she didn't want me to screw anything up." Terezi explains. 

"She did not!" Nepeta glances at her new friend, who is chatting in the doorway with her new roommates. She might not have known Feferi very long but she knows that she isn't the kind of person to say something so brash. 

"I may be paraphrasing." Terezi says, with a shrug, "But I wouldn't want to screw anything up. I'm very prone to tripping over boxes." 

"You could move off the couch. That would be purretty helpful." Nepeta suggests, taking one of her hands and then the other, "I'll help you move ovfur to the othfur couch." She has no idea why Feferi has two couches or where she got so much furniture in the first place, "This way." 

Terezi stumbles around the piled belongings scattered on the floor, Nepeta guiding her hastily around everything breakable, until she eventually collapses on the other couch. 

"Thanks, Nepeta." Terezi grins, widely. 

One thing that Nepeta really likes about Terezi is the way she talks. Not her raspy tone of voice or her bright, upbeat attitude or her odd ways of phrasing things. But the way she says Nepeta's name like it really means something to her. It makes Nepeta smile. 

"S'okay." Nepeta shrugs, "Must be purretty weird for two of your furriends to suddenly move in together. Do things always move this quickly around here?" She feels something in her chest jolt a little, "Do we have to move this quickly?"

Since the night of the wedding, she's visited Terezi a total of six times. This is fast-moving for Nepeta because she has to take the train up here in order to meet up with her new... Friend, in the first place. She's not sure she's prepared to start moving in with people or even spend the night with Terezi again for a short while. These are things she needs time to think about. 

"Heck no. We can take things as slow as you need, Nepeta." Terezi says, "This is pretty out of the blue, I'll admit. But I'm glad Feferi has found somewhere new to live. It must be lonely living on her own." 

"I guess." Nepeta says. 

Her nerves shrink again. She's so glad that Terezi is willing to keep at her slow pace with her. She's very glad that she agreed to going to the wedding and that somehow, despite her usual chatter that drives people away, she managed to convince Terezi that she was worth hanging around with. Nepeta has liked a lot of people but nobody has ever tugged her heartstrings as quickly or as hard as Terezi Pyrope. She likes her a lot. 

She peels the tape off another box and cracks the lid open. Inside, there are stacks of framed photographs. None of them match very well, all frames of different sizes and styles and colours, but the pictures are all taken with the same camera. Some of the pictures look like coffee has been spilled on them or the corners have been peeled from the frame. Nepeta digs out one of a girl with long braids, which has been snipped neatly in half with a pair of scissors. The halves have been taped back together and wedged inside a dark pink frame. 

Nepeta decides to dig deeper. 

"What did you find?" The blind girl inquires, adjusting her glasses consciously. 

"Just some photographs." Nepeta smiles. She's found a picture that must have been taken during middle school because Eridan- who's wedding she went to- is in it and has short, bright hair that he doesn't have now. Him and Feferi are at some kind of pool and she looks so happy that she seems to be glowing. He's smiling at her like Nepeta smiles at her cat. 

"Cool." Terezi slides off the couch and kneels beside her, sifting through the pictures and stroking the frames with care reserved for precious things. She picks up a frame with a wooden edge and pink butterflies adorning it, handing it to Nepeta.

"Tell me about this picture." Terezi says. 

"Okay... It looks like a picture of the wedding. Eridan and Pawllux's. We're all here and we're smiling..." Nepeta's fingers trace the smiling people one by one until they come to rest on Terezi, "You look really nice in it. You look like you." 

"You look pretty too." Terezi offers, taking the picture back and placing it above the boarded up fireplace, "I think." 

Nepeta looks down. "You don't have to pretend. I know you can't see. I just forget sometimes." 

Terezi crouches beside her. "I think you're pretty. I don't need to see. I like your braids."

"How did-" Nepeta tugs on the two plaits hanging down by her ears, "Thank you." 

"S'nothing." She kisses Nepeta quickly on the cheek before sticking her popsicle back in her mouth. 

Across the room, Feferi is positively bubbling over with ideas of how they can best transform their new living space. She's got some idea about tearing the boards off the fireplace and learning how to set it blazing again, like the fireplaces at her old school. She's also trying to figure out what would be the best way of brightening up the light blue walls so that they're more Feferi-esque. As she speaks, she's untangling a string of lights shaped like hearts. 

Dave only has to bid every now and again to keep the conversation going. As much as this chick seems to obsess over the cute and bright, he's sure they'll get along just fine. She seems like a nice kid, Feferi. He's thought that ever since he met her but they've never really talked. 

"Let me show you what I've been thinking about." She says, gesturing for him to follow, and he crosses the doorway into his apartment at last. She stopped him at the doorway, once he'd carried up all his boxes, and started talking eagerly. 

This is his first time stepping foot int the apartment since they brought it. He picks up one of his boxes and sets it down beside the couch, making Curious and Curiouser (Nepeta and Terezi) jump apart in surprise. As if they suddenly realised they weren't alone.

"Hey, Dave!" Terezi waves up at him. 

"Pyrope. Leijon." He nods to both of them in turn. 

Nepeta looks at him fiercely. 

"Lee-jyon. Not Lay-jon." Terezi informs him, "Like legion with a funny accent." 

Dave nods.

Once the conversation has ended, Feferi continues talking about her idea to turn every single part of this apartment bright and wonderful. He's willing to let her, for ironic reasons if nothing else, as long as his room isn't included in her decorating plan. 

He didn't bring many things with him but he's certainly got enough to fill his half of the room he's going to share with Karkat and a little bit of their living space. Luckily, Peixes seems to be able to easily afford all essential items, as she still receives a weekly check from her Mommy. Like a five year old with a tendency for fish and glitter receiving an allowance far too big. 

Most of the furniture has been set up by the others- including Karkat, who escaped to the store as soon as Dave arrived, warning him to save himself from glittery hell before it was too late. By now, it's definitely too late. Feferi has decorated the noticeboard stuck up on the wall with Post-It's shaped like hearts and flyers for all the events she'll be attending.

Karkat has managed to squeeze in a chores schedule, one that he spent a whole night typing up while Dave practiced his best freestyling on him. He actually got a pretty sick beat going about it being Karkat's week for laundry. 

"Dave~!" Terezi interrupts, suddenly clinging onto his arm. Where did she come from?

"What?" He asks, glad Feferi has been stopped.

"Want my help setting up your turntables?" 

"Sure thing, TZ." He turns back to Feferi, "We'll finish our decorating jam later." 

She nods, looking a little put out. She quickly returns to deciding the places of her many, many, many belongings. 

As he steps into the room that seems too big for two people, Dave can't help but gawp a little. He's never really had a room to himself, normally lumped in with Dirk in a room much too small for either of them to keep any belongings there and then, sharing a mattress in Eridan and Sollux's living room for a while. He's never had a whole room just for him and Karkat before. There's a proper bed pushed up against the wall because Karkat can only sleep if he's wedged between Dave and the wall. Otherwise, he worries about people sneaking up on him. 

There's a closet, already full of Karkat's sweaters and pants. Everything is so neatly put away, the bed neatly made, and everything straightened out perfectly. All Karkat's books are straight on the shelves, his posters pinned up in neat lines. 

Dave drops his box on the floor, kicks his shoes off, and flops onto the bed. 

"Shouldn't you be keeping your cat company?" Dave raises an eyebrow at Terezi, "You haven't forgotten to feed her, have you?"

"Don't talk about my girlfriend like that, you ass." Terezi punches him on the arm.

"Ooh, girlfriend." Dave teases, making her grin, "You guys are official?"

"Not really." Terezi shrugs, "She wants to take it slow. Snail slow." 

If Dave cranes his neck, he can see through the open door where Nepeta is kneeling on the ground, surrounded by boxes. She's admiring something that sparkles in the light, a delighted look on her face, as if she's admiring the prettiest thing in the world. She seems to notice him staring because she waves eagerly, dropping the photo (?) she was holding, her other hand tugging on the hem of her parka. She's wearing it even during the hottest part of the summer. That'd the kind of dedication Dave can admire and he tips his shades to her. 

Nepeta laughs and returns to sorting through the stacks of Feferi's belongings. 

"Hang on to her, TZ." Dave advises, "Chicks like that don't come round often." 

Terezi nods, looking determined. 

He sets up his turntables, knowing full well that it will piss Karkat off to have them in their room. He'll probably let him rage about it for a while before moving them elsewhere but for now, the turntables can stay. He unpacks his clothes, pushing them quickly out of sight, but he's not quick enough. Terezi snatches up one of his binders and runs her fingers over it. 

"Dude." Dave says, glancing uncertainly at the open door, "Not cool." 

"I've always wanted to know what these felt like." Terezi says, sounding so curious that he can't even act pissed off, "It's so cool that you and me are kinda the same." 

"We're complete opposites." Dave states, grabbing his binder and stuffing it to the very back of the closet with the others. 

"I don't think so." Terezi sits herself on the bed, bouncing a little before settling, "I think we're very alike. You and me... We're in the same position. We both feel uncomfortable inside our own bodies. We weren't born the way we were supposed to be." 

"I don't know..." Dave hesitates, "I've kinda come to accept myself." 

"And that's cool." Terezi says, "Nobody is more comfortable with themselves than I am. But I still feel like everything would have been easier if I didn't have to go through ridiculous amounts of body reassignment surgery just to look how I feel." 

"Mhm." Dave glances down at his body, knowing that he's hiding a lot underneath his clothes, "I guess." He crosses his arms over his chest and sits down beside her, "I used to experience a lot more dysphoria than I do now, y'know?" 

"You want to talk about it?" Terezi asks.

"You were planning to have another impromptu feeling jam from the moment I walked through the door, weren't you?" Dave accuses and she cackles; but now, she's waiting expectantly for him to talk and playing with the strap of her top, "Okay, but you tell nobody." 

She nods and gets up to close the door carefully. "Safe space." 

"Right." Dave isn't sure where he should put his hands. He settles for digging at the hole in his jeans. "I guess during high school, it was the worst. I realised about... Y'know, during middle school, and I had to leave home. I went to a high school in another district." He breathes, "And I just felt paranoid all the time. I was so worried that people would see through me and I just tried to hide as well as I could from everybody." 

He continues. "I was trying to think of ways to change myself, since I couldn't get surgery. And I... It was... I can't even understand what was going on in my head at the time. But I just wanted to change something about myself, do something to fix how I looked. And I stopped eating much. My family is very busy, it took them a while to notice." 

He's not sure he can talk anymore but Terezi reaches over and squeezes his hand. 

"I puked a lot for a while. I became kinda obsessive about it. About looking different. I tried to wear my binder tighter and damaged some ribs permanently. I lost a lot of weight. Every time I looked in the mirror, I hated myself." He shrugs, "Karkat found me in the bathroom one day. I knew for sure that he'd think I was some kind of freak." 

He can still recall their first conversation like it was yesterday. He'd seen Karkat around school before but never paid much attention to him- he was short and stocky looking and at the time, Dave couldn't imagine anything worse. He guesses his brain was pretty skewed by that point. Karkat had shoved his way into the empty bathroom meant for teachers. Dave was allowed to use it because he was a special case and he used it to dump his lunch most days. 

He thinks he was still kneeling beside the toilet when Karkat came in. They shared a long look, glancing each other up and down, before Karkat slammed the door shut. 

"You're sick." He told him and for the first time, even though he's taking it out of context, Dave realises that's exactly what it is. He's sick. He's very, very, dangerously sick. He glances down at himself and feels mildly horrified about what he's been doing to his body. 

"Whatever." Dave whispers, desperate to keep up his cool façade anyway. 

"You need me to take you to the nurse?" Karkat's voice is too harsh, too loud, and the words buzz in Dave's ears, "Or... Not. I understand if you need to keep this a secret. I get that kind of shit. But I think you should see a doctor before you fuck yourself up any further." 

Karkat saw straight through his bullshit. 

"Thanks." Dave says, in shock, "What are you doing here?"

Shrugging, Karkat approaches him and slides down to sit beside him. "Maybe that's none of your fucking business." 

"Maybe you're right. I'm Dave." 

"Karkat." 

Of course, Dave decides to tell Terezi the abridged version about how he figured out that he needed help and got his sister to take him to the doctor. He underwent some therapy in a ward for a while, got his life back on track, and went back to school. Him and Karkat started dating, they've been dating ever since, and he feels a lot more comfortable with himself now. 

"But you can't tell anyone." He reiterates, "Only you and Karkat know the full story." 

"How many people are you out to?" Terezi wonders. 

"You and Karkat." Dave repeats, "My family. Nobody else knows. Nobody else needs to know." 

She looks like she's not sure what to say in response, biting down on her lower lip. Then, she leans forward and wraps her arms tightly around him. He's surprised but he hugs her back, patting her on the back. He can't remember the last time he's been hugged like this. Of course, he spends a lot of time with an arm slung around his boyfriend but this is different somehow. This reminds him of the hugs he used to get from Roxy. 

"I won't tell anyone." Terezi says, as she pulls back, "We should get the rest of your stuff."

When Dave pushes the door open, he finds that Nepeta is still sat on the floor and checking something on her phone. Feferi is pinning her string of lights up on the wall, balancing on a chair so that she can reach. She's too short to reach on her own. 

Nepeta looks up from her phone. "What were you guys talking about?" 

"Stuff." Terezi shrugs.

"Oh... Okay." Nepeta looks hurt to have not been included, "Do you need anything from the store?" She stands up and stretches her arms over her head, "I have to pick some things."

"Candy?" Terezi asks.

"Sure." Nepeta says, "I'll be back in ten, fifteen minutes."

She closes the door behind her and rushes down the corridor to duck into the elevator with the guy that lives next door to them. He has dark hair threaded with bright red streaks and a rugged jacket that looks in even worse shape than Nepeta's. He smiles at her kindly and she bristles uncomfortably. She doesn't like to be looked at by older boys. 

She tugs her parka tighter around herself. She wishes Terezi had come with her. 

She steps out of the elevator at the bottom floor, thankful that the older guy lets her step out first, and nearly bumps into Karkat. He swears, then looks at her and seems to realise that it's her. He mumbles a greeting and squeezes past her into the elevator. 

She steps out onto the street and walks the unfamiliar path to the store around the corner from the apartment. When Terezi asked her to help out with some of her friends, she wasn't expecting for Terezi to be spending more time with her friend, Dave. Not that she's jealous. But what did they have to talk about that she couldn't be included in?

Jeez, maybe she is jealous. Just a little. This is nearly-dating is more difficult than she thought. 

"Can I see your ID?" The girl behind the counter asks, when Nepeta drops a handful of candy bars, a bottle of Peach Schnapps, a packet of expensive cigarettes, and a magazine onto the counter. She holds up her driver's license and gets a nod of approval. She wants to explain, as she's slipping the items into her old rucksack, that none of this is for her. 

Her sister calls her as she's leaving. 

"Hey, Nepeta." Meulin says, brightly, "Did you get what I asked you for?" 

"Yeah, I'm on my way." Nepeta promises. 

Her sister is busy with something or another- Nepeta likes to pretend that she doesn't know- so she said she'd pick up a couple of things for her as a favour. It does mean driving quite out of her way but Nepeta reckons she can make the drive quickly and tell the others that she got lost. Somehow, she gets the idea that her new friends wouldn't think she was cool for driving all the way home and back as a favour. 

She doesn't mind so much. Nepeta likes her sister. Even if she isn't so happy about Meulin messing around with Kurloz again. 

When Karkat reenters the apartment, he finds Terezi wielding a katana that does not belong to her, whilst Dave chases her around the apartment. Feferi Peixes is arranging her seashell collection on the kitchen counter according to colour, apparently unaware of the two running circles around the apartment. Honestly, Karkat left them alone for five minutes and chaos broke out. He grabs Terezi by the back of her shirt as she tries to rush past and she squeaks. 

"Karkat!" 

"Yes, Karka-" Dave slips in his socks and slams into Terezi, sending the three of them tumbling to the floor. The sword slips from her grip and is sent clattering across the floor, settling on the ground just out of her grip. 

"What the fuck, Pyrope?" Karkat demands, trying to shove her off. He fails. 

"I like swords." Terezi states, simply, "Swords are cool. Right, Dave?"

"Ugh." Dave groans, rolling off them and onto his knees, "Karkat. You're back. Back again. Tell a friend." 

"Terezi, get off." Karkat complains, "I hate you." 

He walked all the way back to their old apartment on the premise that he'd forgotten something, just so that he could get away from her. He wasn't expecting her to still be here when he returned at least an hour later nor for her to be lying on top of him and refusing to get up. He tries to wriggle out from under her again. He can't. 

"Oh my god!" comes Feferi's voice from across the room, "You guys, you're never going to guess who's calling me." 

She's holding out her outrageously pink laptop in front of her and places it in front of them so that they can all see that America's favourite couple is calling. Karkat is not going to deny that he's a little excited to talk to Eridan and Sollux again. Since the time differences do not match up at all, it's been difficult for them to call and Karkat hasn't spoken to them since he dropped them off at the airport. He manages to pull an arm free so he can accept the video call.

The video is a little fuzzy, due to Sollux's camera being kind of shitty and the connection being kind of far, but it's not difficult to make out their two friends sitting in some kind of hotel room. 

"TZ, what the fuck are you doing?" Sollux asks, immediately, leaning in closer to get a better look. The light of the screen reflects off his glasses. "I didn't know you guys were hanging out now." 

"We aren't; don't get any fucking ideas." Karkat is still trapped. 

"It's so great to see you all." Eridan says, "Fef, you are not goin' to believve howw much shoppin' there is to do out here. You an' me gotta come out here sometime." 

"It's quite a long way for a shopping trip, Eri." Feferi smiles at him. 

"You'd lovve it here." Eridan promises, "Hey, Kar. Davve. Tez. Shouldn't Nep be wwith you?"

"She went to the store." Terezi explains, "She should be back soon." 

The conversation continues like that for a while with the two sides throwing questions back and forth. Everybody is eager to know what Korea is like and what they've been doing out there and what the weather is like and what the food is like etc. etc. Sollux and Eridan have just as many questions about what they missed while they've been away and how everybody is and how much they miss everybody. 

Karkat explains that him, Dave and Feferi have moved into an apartment together and picks up the laptop to show them around. Terezi is full of news about her and Nepeta hanging out and about Mituna moving into the apartment she shares with Kurloz soon. She promises Sollux that she's been checking in with his brother regularly and he's fine. 

Eventually, Nepeta returns, looking a little worse for wear. Karkat seems to be the only one that notices the smear of black paint along her jawline and it feels like his stomach drops about twenty feet. That wasn't there earlier. But she's cheery as ever and asks lots of questions that nobody thought to ask. 

Sollux and Eridan sign off because it's late and everybody disperses. 

Nepeta is on her feet to help Feferi with her magazine cuttings but before she can disappear, Karkat catches her by the arm. 

"Are you okay, Leijon?"" 

"Lee-jyon." She corrects.


	49. ACT FIVE: Part Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I suck at writing. Thanks to Lava for encouraging me to finish!

Eridan's dad picks them up at the airport and drives them back to their apartment. The entire situation is uncomfortable and awkward because nobody has anything to say but Eridan is grinning from ear to ear the whole time. When his dad drops them off, he turns to Sollux and flings his arms around him. Surprised, Sollux stumbles backwards. 

"Wha-?" He's confused. 

"I lovve you." Eridan tells him and he doesn't offer any further explanation. 

Inside the apartment, there's a mini welcome home committee waiting up for them. Kankri greets them first, hugging both of them in turn. For the first time, Sollux notices that Kankri has changed. A year or two ago, he wouldn't even shake hands with somebody without looking physically uncomfortable and now, he's hugging. Then, Cronus smacks his brother on the back and punches Sollux's arm. 

"Vwhat's up, Cap?" He says, "You better hawve got me a present from your wvacation, seein' as I helped pay for it." 

"You didn't pay for any of it." Eridan retorts, "But wwe got you somethin' anywway. I'll havve to find it though, it's in my suitcase somewwh-" 

Then, Feferi smothers both of them in a tight hug and Sollux finds himself being suffocated by her thick hair. He actually coughs when he pulls back but he still can't help grinning at her. Because Feferi looks better than she did at the wedding somehow, though her make-up is the same and her outfits are just as extravagant. For a moment, he can't figure out what's changed about her. Then, he realises that she's dyed her hair a bright shade of cotton candy blue. 

She notices him staring. "I needed a change." 

"Wwhere's Tez? An' Kar? An' Davve?" Eridan looks around, like he's expecting them all to leap out and yell surprise, "Wwe got somethin' for evverybody." 

"Krabkri thought too many people might overwhelm you." Feferi pouts at him, "So, everybody else is going to come to the offishal welcome home party in my new apartment tomorrow." 

Sollux yawns. "It is pretty late, I guess." 

On the inside, he's thinking: a party? Do I have to? Another one? 

They all settle in their respective places in the front room with Sollux sitting on the couch, Feferi cross-legged to him, Cronus sitting on the arm and acting like he's not jealous that he doesn't get to sit on the couch. Kankri makes tea and Eridan digs through his suitcase until he finds the souvenirs that he stuffed in the bottom. The room feels oddly empty without Karkat and Dave's mattress pressed up against the wall. Sollux thinks he is going to miss living with them. Even if Karkat broke a Playstation controller and Dave nearly never said what he was thinking. 

Eridan hands around the souvenirs. There's a stack of K-Dramas for Kankri, as chosen by the helpful store assistant who promised Sollux that they were the most romantic she could find. Then, he asked if they were for his friend, gestured to Eridan, and if his friend was single. He didn't translate this part to Eridan until they'd left the store and Eridan turned bright red, surprised somebody was hitting on him. It seemed good for his self-esteem because he'd strutted around, more confident than ever, for the rest of the day. Sollux relays this story as Kankri stared in wonder at the DVDs. Feferi giggles. Eridan blushes. 

For Feferi, there is an assortment of cute and girly things that seemed to be sold nearly everywhere in Korea. They cater to the cute idea excessively, it seems like. A mess of hair clips and stickers and photo frames and things to stick inside your fridge that say cute phrases in Korean when you open it. Shirts and socks and shoes. Eridan really went to town for his best friend and she hugs him again, tackling him on the floor. Cronus steals her seat on the couch and pretends he's innocent when she sticks her tongue out at him. 

Cronus was harder to shop for and Sollux is ashamed that admit that it was him that picked out the stupid thing in the end. A new leather jacket, one that somebody in a k-pop band would definitely wear, that's shiny and new. Cronus puts it on immediately and acts like it isn't a big deal but it's clear that he is. He's wearing his glasses today. He looks great, Sollux thinks, before shuddering and banishing that thought from his mind for eternity. 

They drink their tea and Eridan shows all the photos he took, even though everybody has already seen them on his Snapchat story. Except Kankri, of course, who swears that he will never use social media and his blog definitely doesn't count. Afterwards, Feferi says that she needs to get home or the boys will eat dinner without her. It's midnight. Who eats dinner at this time? Cronus, acting all tough in his new leather jacket, says he'll walk Feferi home and make sure she gets there safe. Kankri throws the keys to his Mom van to him. Feferi pulls on her jacket, grabs her bag, kisses Eridan's forehead, and disappears into the night. 

Sollux and Eridan retire to bed because Kankri insists they need to rest. 

"Hey, Sol." Eridan says, as he places his glasses on the bedside table and switches off the light. Sollux hears him lying down and breathing gently. He searches for his hand under the covers until he finds it and holds it tightly. He realises Eridan sleeps with his wedding ring on. He takes all the other ones off before getting into bed. 

"Hey, ED." Sollux says, into the dark and doesn't bother closing his eyes because it won't make a difference; when Eridan doesn't say anything else, he adds, "I missed this shithole." 

"I'm sure it didn't miss you." Eridan teases, "It got so used to bein' neat an' tidy under Kan's care that it doesn't wwant to deal wwith your lazy ass anymore." 

Sollux smirks. "Hey, ED. You're an ass." 

"I'm a hot one, though." Eridan chuckles and rolls over to face him. In the dark, Sollux can just about make out the shape of his face, the slight shine in his eyes, and the way his hair falls over the pillow. "Your hair's gettin' long again, Sol." 

"It is?" He hasn't even thought about it, "Guess you'll have to cut it again." 

Eridan props himself up on one elbow. "Remember this first time I cut it?" 

Sollux rolls his eyes. "Yeah. I was happy because you saved my life." 

"Wwell, somebody's gotta keep you in check." Eridan squeezes his hand under the covers and Sollux squeezes it back, smiling even though in the dark without his glasses, Eridan won't be able to see it, "I wwondered howw you wwere feelin'. You got a little... Quiet out there in the front room." 

"I just thought you were handling all the talking just fine. It's nothing to do with my brain." Sollux promises him, "Isn't it weird that you're the talkative one now and I'm the quiet one? It used to be the other way around."

"You thought you wwere talkative?" Eridan snorts, "You wwere a mess." 

"Yeah." Sollux says, and when he doesn't say anything else, they both laugh. 

For a while after that, they both lie there quietly in the dark and Sollux listens to the sound of Eridan breathing and the TV in the other room. He hears the front door slam shut and Cronus's stupid voice being muffled by Kankri somehow and then the distinctive sound of kissing. He pulls a face and Eridan yells for them to get a fuckin' room. Then, Sollux hears laughter and the sound of the door to the spare room shutting. 

Eridan lays back down. "Sol, are you gonna be able to sleep?"

"No." Sollux feels more awake than ever and he's itching to do something, "Do you mind if I code for a while? Just... Here. I'll turn the brightness down so it doesn't bother you and I won't buy anything crazy on Amazon." 

"I trust you." Eridan says, "Don't go out wwithout wwakin' me up first."

Sollux nods and rescues his laptop from his suitcase before clambering back into the bed. Just like he promised, he turns the brightness of his screen right down and opens several coding programs. How he's missed them. Eridan didn't let him work on anything while they were on their honeymoon and now, Sollux cracks his knuckles and gets to work typing away. It's not until maybe two in the morning that a little chat box pops up in the corner of his screen. He clicks on it and finds himself in a chat with Nepeta.

TA: hey np

AC: :33 > hey pawllux

AC: :33 > can i ask mew something weird?

He doesn't know why she's online at this time of night but it becomes clear pretty quickly that something is bothering her. First, she tells him that she really doesn't like Kurloz. She doesn't. She can't explain why. Then, she says she can. She explains that when he broke up with her sister, it ruined her idea of love. Sollux isn't sure where she's going with this. Then, she says that the other day, her sister asked her to buy some things at the store and she took them to Kurloz's apartment.

AC: :33 > he's cheating on your brothfur

AC: :33 > i can't let him ruin love fur somebody else

Sollux doesn't feel angry, just numb, and he thanks her for telling him. She says that Meulin made her swear to keep quiet about it and he can't tell anybody that he found out about it from her. He swears he won't mention her name. He says good night. She says it's practically morning but sends him several smilies before going offline. And then, he wakes Eridan up and tells him that they're going to visit Mituna tomorrow morning. 

Eridan rubs his eyes and mumbles in confusion. "Wwhat?" 

"We have to go talk to Mituna tomorrow." Sollux says, "And I'm going to see if Kankri wants to go for a run with me. I won't be long." 

"Don't burn out." Eridan says, before turning over and pulling the covers over his head, "Stay safe, honey, or I'll kick your ass wwhen you turn up dead tomorroww." 

"Love you too." Sollux gets dressed and closes the door of his bedroom behind him. As always, he finds Kankri slumped over the kitchen counter with a thick novel and a glass of cold water. He approached him, asks him if he wants to come running, and Kankri stares at him like he's never seen him before. And he says, sure, as long as Sollux doesn't overdo it. Next thing he knows, he's running along the sidewalk, remembering why this helps burn his endless energy out, with Kankri huffing and puffing at his side. 

He crawls back into bed early the next morning and Eridan immediately wraps an arm and a leg around him protectively and presses his face into Sollux's neck. And Sollux falls asleep like that with his boyfriend pressing into his back. 

When he wakes up, Eridan is looking at him sleepily, bleary-eyed, and smirking slightly. He nods to Sollux's morning wood and asks if he wants him to do something about it, which makes Sollux smirk back at him. Eridan is somehow sexy, even when half asleep and sloppy with his movements, and his skin is still flushed warm from sleep. Afterwards, Eridan lazes on top of him and kisses him and leaves bitemarks in places that will definitely show. 

"You're lucky you're so hot or I'd be mad." Sollux mutters into Eridan's hair. 

"You wwould nevver be mad about havvin' sexy lovvebites to showw off." Eridan replies. 

Eventually, Sollux rolls out of bed and gets dressed. He remembers the conversation he had with Nepeta the night before and checks the time; they have time to see Mituna and his dads before the party that Feferi is holding in the afternoon if they hurry. He cleans his teeth and tries slicking his hair back, trying to do something with it, but ends up just ruffling it again. When he returns to the room, Eridan is still curled up on the bed. He smacks him lightly with a pillow and tells him that he'll find him something to wear because it's vital they see Mituna this morning. 

He digs around in Eridan's side of the closet and drops some underwear, some pants and one of Sollux's old shirts with the pacman design on top of Eridan's face.

Eridan groans. "Sol... It's our day off. Wwork tomorroww, remember?" 

"Yeah but Kurloz is cheating on my brother-" is all Sollux has to say before Eridan is leaping out of bed and getting ready frantically, muttering something about unreliable assholes being unfair to innocent people. 

They don't have a car, so they borrow Kankri's minivan. Eridan drives. Sollux still, legally, isn't really allowed to. That hasn't stopped him before but today, he uses it as an excuse to sit in the passenger seat and plan what he's going to say. But it's too soon and they're pulling up outside his old house and suddenly, his heart is pounding and he doesn't know what to say. So, he just ends up running up to the door and hammering on it. His dad opens it. Sollux runs through every single way he planned to say it. 

"Kurloz is cheating with his ex-girlfriend but nobody can know that Nepeta told me because her sister told her she couldn't say anything." Sollux says, in one breath. 

Dad One, who opened the door, stares at him for a minute. Then, he looks past Sollux at where Eridan is hurrying across the road to join him. 

"He bolted." Eridan says, sounding panicked, "Sorry. Sol, you need to calm down, okay?" 

"I'm calm. I'm perfectly calm." Sollux says, not really feeling anything but a faint buzzing sensation that feels like bees are crawling under his skin. He feels like he's drunk too much Red Bull and his blood is made up purely of sugar, burning through his veins. 

"Come in and sit down, Sollux." Dad One says and he wraps an arm around his shoulders and Sollux tries to shake him off but his dad keeps a firm grip on him. He guides him to the couch and sits him down there, standing in the doorway. It looks casual enough but Sollux knows that it's so he doesn't run or try and kill Kurloz or something stupid. 

"I'm fine." Sollux promises, "Or I'm not fine. But it's jet lag, not a mood swing." 

Eridan is sat beside him. When did he get there? He's also holding Sollux's hand. 

"Sollux." His dad says, gently, "Do you remember when you were a kid and you felt really angry and scared but you didn't know why? So you locked yourself in your room and blocked the door and we had to force our way in."

Sollux nods, remembering now. "I know why, dad. Because Kurloz is an ass."

"Honey, remember to breathe." Eridan rubs his back, "Your dad will talk to Mituna about it. Do you think we should go home and take some meds and maybe have a lie down?" 

That's when the realisation that had been lingering in Sollux's mind, at the back where he couldn't hear it, comes to the surface and he knows they're right. This is a manic episode. This is a manic, panicked, scared, angry episode where everything feels possible and he feels a sudden urge to paint the rest of their bedroom finally. And he thinks he might be crying and Eridan takes him home and tells him they don't have to go to the party, they can stay right here but Sollux needs to be outside. He takes his meds and they go for a walk.

The episode lasts ten days, before it cools a little and he doesn't feel manic, just a little more awake than usual and capable of putting things into perspective. The whole time, Eridan is looking after him. Neither of them go to work. Both of them call in and explain. But this time around, neither of them lie about the reasons. 

"I'm having a manic episode." Sollux tells Rufioh, "And I can't come in until it's over because I might have a breakdown in the middle of your store and that would ruin your business. And I'm really sorry." 

And Rufioh says. "Sollux, don't worry about it. Take care of yourself. Come back when you're feeling better." 

Eridan calls his work and says. "My boyfriend has bipolar disorder an' I need to look after him."

For the first few days, Eridan's boss is okay with this. Then, he grows restless. On the eighth day, Eridan gets fired because he's already used up his vacation days and he can't just take extra ones whenever he wants. Sollux is pissed off about this but Eridan says not to worry about it because he was thinking of studying something else anyway. 

"I'vve been thinkin' about doin' science. It's wwhat I alwways wwanted to do anywway." Eridan tells him as they lie on the couch, Eridan stroking Sollux's hair, "Maybe I'll go to community college an' take a feww classes for a wwhile." 

"You'll be good at that, you nerd." Sollux makes him laugh. 

When it's over, Eridan says he can tell because the manic look in Sollux's eyes seems to disappear overnight and he talks slower than before. Sollux doesn't swing straight into a depression again, thankfully, and they return to almost normal. For now, at least. 

The first thing he does is call Terezi and asks what's happening with Kurloz and Mituna. She says that they still seem to be dating and Meulin has stopped coming over, though she heard some pretty heated arguments in the other room for a while. She says that Mituna really stood his ground for a while and then started crying and then Meulin seemed to stop visiting. Kurloz and Mituna took a break. 

Then, Mituna moved in. For three nights a week. And Meulin visits sometimes and the three of them hang out. Meulin isn't mean at heart, Terezi says, and she knows that she made some mistakes. They all seem happy enough. 

"Sometimes, Tula comes over and hangs out too." There's a pause, where she just breathes into the phone, like she's thinking, "I was avoiding her but she caught me on my way out one time and convinced me to stay. We all played this crazy game of Monopoly with made-up rules that nobody understood." She pauses, "Me and Tula are talking things out." 

"Have you apologised for moving out without warning her?" Sollux asks. 

"Yeah..." Terezi sounds awkward, "She said she wishes she was there when Mom died but she had no idea. She's being really cool about everything now. Today, she's gonna take me and Nepeta to the rollerblading rink. You and Eridan want to come?"

Sollux calls into the kitchen. "ED, you wanna go rollerblading?" 

"I don't knoww howw to rollerblade." He calls back. 

"What time can you pick us up?" Sollux asks. 

On the weekends and on weekdays, whenever Sollux isn't working, they go out. With Terezi and Nepeta, with Damara and Latula, with Mituna and Kurloz (though Sollux still isn't happy about the whole situation with them and wishes he'd handled it better). And they stay in too. With Kankri and Cronus, with Karkat and Dave (and Feferi). One night, the Maryams and the Lalondes come to their apartment for an unforgettable game night. For a while, it's like somebody had stuck a band-aid over everything. Things seem to settle down. 

"It makes Eridan anxious, of course." Sollux says, hitting the ping-pong ball across the table so fast that he's surprised Dave is able to hit it back, "Whenever things go well, he thinks it's just the calm before the storm. He can't live for now." 

"I get it." Dave nods, "I get it. Me and Karkat, something always seemed to go wrong when we were younger." He sighs and lets the next ping-long ball fly past him and hit the wall of the garage behind him, "Everything would seem okay. Then, he'd show up to school with a black eye or I'd puke on the school field and we'd know nothing had changed." 

"You, uh, used to puke a lot?" Sollux is confused. 

Dave thinks very carefully about what he's going to say. "I had an eating disorder for a very long time during and after high school. Terezi only got me thinking about it again recently. It's helping to talk to people about it." 

Wordlessly, Sollux nods.

Rescuing the ping-pong ball from behind a stack of dusty old books, Dave drops it onto the table and hits it across. Smack. Smack. Smack. Smack. A clatter as Sollux isn't fast enough and it bounces along the floor away from him. He chases it down. 

"I guess what I'm saying is that I get what Eridan means." Dave says, thoughtfully, "But I'm learning to live in the moment."

"You should be telling him that inspirational crap, he'd eat it up." Sollux chuckles. 

"Most people do." Dave shrugs, "Even me, apparently. And maybe that makes me a gullible hipster with unrealistic standards of life but fuck it, it makes me happy." 

Dave knows his shit. 

When they get home that night, Cronus and Kankri seem to have called dibs on the couch because they're making out a lot while Grease plays in the background. Eridan pretends to retch and closes the door again, shutting them out into the corridor. He says they should leave them to it and asks Sollux if he wants to go running with him. For a moment, Sollux is confused. He only ever goes running when he has energy to burn. 

"It'll be fun." Eridan elbows him and how is Sollux supposed to resist those blue eyes full of excitement? Before he knows it, they're jogging steadily at what Eridan calls a reasonable pace and his boyfriend is humming a song under his breath and Sollux can't stop smiling at him. When they pass Feferi's new apartment, as shared by Dave and Karkat, Eridan texts for her to come down and join them. A lot of her jiggles as she runs but Feferi doesn't care at all. 

"I missed you, Shoallux. We don't hang out enough." She smiles at him, "And I never really got to thank for you for, you know, the wedding. If it wasn't for you, I don't think I ever would have been able to escape her." 

"Wwhat'd I miss?" Eridan looks confused. 

"Nothfin. Just me taking advantage of your buoyfriend's good nature." Feferi teases. 

"Husband." Eridan corrects.

They run. Sollux remembers to breathe. And the park looks beautiful in early Fall.

Feferi eventually has to duck out because she says she's meeting "the girls" at a fancy restaurant- Sollux has come to learn that "the girls having dinner" will be Terezi, Nepeta, Damara, Rose, Kanaya, and Porrim probably holding some grand lesbian meeting. He still has no idea which way Feferi swings and he's not sure that he needs to know. Feferi is just Feferi. 

It's just Sollux and Eridan and they come to a stop across the street from Sollux's house. He hasn't dared visit since he had a breakdown in front of his dad- according to Eridan, Dad Two saw too and had to take Mituna because he saw too and got upset. The fact that Sollux upset his brother has made him too ashamed and afraid to go back. His dads were finally convinced that he wasn't a complete freak and he had to go and fuck it up.

"They lovve you." says Eridan, the mindreader, "They don't think you're crazy. Sollux, they raised you, they knoww an' lovve evverythin' about you." He stretches, "An' they adopted you wwith the knowwledge that you wwere bipolar. They lovve you an' your brain."

"Nice pep talk." Sollux says, and he's not being entirely sarcastic, "You think we should go see them? I should probably apologise for being an idiot." 

"You should apologise for not answwerin' their calls an' makin' me do it instead." Eridan rubs his back, just like he had done a couple of weeks ago, "Plus, Kan an' Cro are probably still doin' it at our place an' I don't wwanna go back to that." 

"On our couch." Sollux mutters, disgusted, and he crosses the street. Eridan holds his hand. 

This time, he knocks on the door so gently that he has to do it again because they don't hear him the first time. Dad Two answers the door and blinks at them, like he's surprised that they're here. He looks them up and down. 

"Has the alien invasion started or are you two exercising?" He asks, like he's not sure which one would be worse. 

"Wwe're wworkin' out." Eridan says, proudly. 

"Oh my god." Dad Two pretends to look horrified, "Sollux, I raised you to be more of a slob than this. And I want you to know that I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed."

"Dad." Sollux groans, "You're being embarrassing. And Eridan's here." 

"Eridan." Dad Two ruffles his hair, "How's my favourite son-in-law?" 

"Can wwe stay here tonight?" Eridan asks, as he steps inside and shuts the door behind him, "My brother an' his boyfriend are usin' our apartment."

Sollux kicks his shoes off and follows his Dad into the kitchen, Eridan at his heels. 

"Gross." Dad Two pulls a face, "Tell them to get a hotel room." 

"Dad!" Sollux complains, "Please shut up!"

Dad Two chuckles. "Well, if you guys are staying over, I guess we'll have no choice but to order Chinese food again tonight. You kids go take a shower. Separately. This is your childhood home, Sollux, there will be no-"

"Bye, Dad!" Sollux says, loudly, stamping up the stairs. 

They shower together and Eridan teases him about it the whole time, pressing him up against the wall of the shower to kiss him hungrily. His tongue buries deep into Sollux's mouth, eating away at every orifice, and he moans. Finally, he breaks away so that they both get a chance to breathe and Eridan kisses at his neck, needy. He bites down there, leaving a mark to replace the old ones that have faded away. Sollux moans against the bathroom wall.

"You know that Mituna could come in any minute?" He says, between kisses, "He wouldn't even knock or anything. He'd just burst in and expect us to be decent."

Eridan's fingers trail up his sides. "That is the least sexy thin' you'vve evver said to me."

"I thought the least sexy thing I ever said was "can we microwave leftovers for dinner?"." Sollux says and Eridan laughs.

"Okay, noww you'vve ruined the moment." Eridan says, his tongue still half in Sollux's mouth, "You're goin' to havve to apologise for that." 

"Sexily or nah?" 

"Stop killin' the mood!"


End file.
